Chapter Text
He stood on the bridge and watched in envy as Dream, Sapnap, and Ghostbur disappeared into the portal, leaving to go to the one place he couldn't; the one place that made him feel at home. Having heard their voices and listened as they spoke of how cool the Christmas tree was only hurt more. The 'disconnect' button on his communicator had never looked so peaceful.
"Wow! It's so cool, did you guys make this?" He heard his, now deceased, brother's voice through the communicator, Sapnap being the one to supply a, rather obnoxious, answer "Yep! That was all us, we're so cool."
Tommy scoffed, rolling his eyes whilst he turned around and faced towards the endless blocks of netherrak and- whatever else lay amongst it. He stepped forwards, effortlessly placing his foot onto the bridge, having decided to start his trek back to Logstedshire. It became difficult to understand his thoughts, so he turned off his communicator to have some peace.
His thoughts consisted things he wishes he could just forget, just like how his brother had forgotten all of the bad things.
He wanted to do that as well, he wanted a release.
He wanted to be able to forget all the bad things, to go back to when everything was normal. When he was happy. Even if no one else would be back then; if it was only for a second; as long as he could just sit down and breathe- he'd be fine.
Tommy thought back on everything that had happened recently, the disks, both his brothers betrayed him(one of them dying as a result of it and now haunting him), and Tubbo. Obviously, there were more important things to be worrying about─
No there weren't.
He didn't have anything more important to be thinking about other than his best friend, brothers, and the other two things that held meaning to him on this server. He had given one of his disks to Tubbo, who could've given it to Dream by now, whilst another is in the hands of someone who was probably going to set it on fire.
His brothers─ his brothers were another story.
He couldn't tell if he hated them or not, they'd both gone against the nation that he'd built alongside one of them and fought for with both; The nation that got stripped away from his hands and destroyed by none other than his brothers themselves. Tommy didn't know if he'd forgiven Ghostbur, whist he knew his deceased brother had no recollection of what he did and is even trying to make it right without knowing anything─ there was still a part of him that wished he'd just go away and let him do what he needed to do.
And Tubbo..
Tommy didn't want to think about him.
He hated thinking about Tubbo.
Whenever he thought about Tubbo, even when he tried not to, his mind trailed off to the bridge and what was said-
"Th- the reason he's doing this is because he knows that- y- he wo-" Tommy began, stuttering on his words as he tried to conjour up a sentence, to try and say something to his best friend and change his mind; To get him to think rationally, to understand what he was saying. He stepped towards his, now former, president, reached for his arm in a desperate attempt to get a hold of him again and change his mind.
He watched as Tubbo jerked his arm away from his reach before he could touch him, eyes narrowed as he spoke "You had one job. You couldn't do one thing for me!" Tubbo had spat, tears having begun to slowly build up in his eyes as he continued to speak, lifting his arms up in disbelief "You couldn't do one!"
Tommy watched and listened, eyes wide with tear stains on his cheeks.
TommyInnit never cried.
TommyInnit was never afraid.
TommyInnit was a strong, fearless warrior.
So why now was he crying? Why now was everything suddenly getting to him at the worst possible moment, making him look like a pathetic fool.
"Just one thing─" Tommy flinched at his words and reached his foot up to take a step back, but he couldn't. His legs were frozen in place- immobile. Paralyzed out of fear. "─and it was for your own good!" His face dropped, lips pursed into a pout as he tried to put on a brave face, having remembered that Dream could see him.
"So, you know what-" Tubbo continued. He brought up a hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose "-if the wor- if the roles were─" He paused and Tommy felt a shiver trickle down his spine at his cold glare. Tubbo brought his hand away from his face and Tommy continued to watch as he made quotation marks in the air with his fingers "─reversed, as you said.. Yes, yeah- you probably wouldn't exile me─"
He took a step forwards to which Tommy took a step back out of fear, each and every one of Tubbo's words and movements had hurt him in ways he'd wished he'd never get hurt in again. "Because I would've actually listened─" Tubbo raised his voice and pressed his finger against Tommy's chest, ignoring his almost silent 'ow', harder than he intended. But, then again, why would he care if he hurt him at this point? "─to you, and done what you said," He watched as Tubbo's shoulders dropped, followed by his hand and expression, chest heaving rapidly where he tried to catch his breath during his fit of rage.
He looked sad. Tommy hated it when Tubbo was sad.. until he started talking again.
and maybe had a couple ounces of respect!" Tommy cringed as he felt Tubbo's gaze raise back up to him, his once soft but now burning hot one, burned through his eye sockets and left permanent scars, to forever remind Tommy of his mistake. He forced himself to return Tubbo's gaze, his eyes unwillingly looked up and met the older's now cold ones.
He remembered when they used to run around in their field and laugh with one another, the playful fights they'd have where they'd run away from Dream over the disks. He remembered how those playful games, something that had primarily existed to pass time, suddenly turned into wars. How now, instead of laughing it off he was most likely about to get exiled from the nation he created- the home he had made.
"You've messed this up for no one but yourself!" Tubbo had paused in that moment, he tried to convince himself that it was to think over his words, but Tommy knew it was so he could look at him one last time before finally turning his back to him "Selfish." Tommy hadn't noticed that everyone else had been quiet around them, he hadn't noticed the uncomfortable silence that intoxicated the air when Tubbo started ranting on at him about how much he had fucked up. He hadn't properly registered the tears that had now stained his cheeks.
He debated on speaking, hated how this would be it, that this would be the end of his time in L'Manburg, so he spoke up. He stepped forwards, reaching out for Tubbo's arm once more and, finally, taking a hold of it. Once he'd actually taken it into his hand he started speaking, his voice never faltering as he tried to reason with him. Again.
Only he didn't sound like he was trying to be reasonable.
"That's so fucked u- how can you not see that he's fu- that the only thing he wants─" Tommy started, blinking away his tears when he noticed Tubbo hadn't pulled his arm away and stupidly let himself believe that he would turn around and say something like "You're right, Tommy. How could I not see" that he would be able to make things better with his words, that he wouldn't lose his chance at getting his disks.
"─is the one thing I care about!" He finished, having slight expectations for Tubbo's reaction and what he'd say next.
"Hmm.." He heard Tubbo tentatively hum before he pulled his arm away from Tommy, the bond between the two of them having visibly broken at that moment. Tommy stepped back at this, almost lost in shock at what had just happened- was this it?
"The one thing you care about.." That was when he saw it. When he heard it, the pain in Tubbo's expression and hurt in his voice. When he was told that he'd fucked up he didn't really believe it, he didn't want to.
He was TommyInnit, he didn't fuck up and he always found a way out of every situation. He always did.
Tommy pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes as he thought before looking back over at the netherrak in front of him. He could just do it. He could walk through the portal, just get one more glimpse of L'Manburg. Didn't matter if Dream would kill him, he was going to die anyway. So why not end it all now whilst we still can, instead of waiting for the slow, painful death of nature taking its course?
'no' He heard a small voice inside of him say, taking up his attention as more words were formed. 'Don't let that green fucking bastard get what he wants, don't let him be the one to kill you.' As much as the thought of death filled him with pure bliss at that moment, of stepping through the portal with a smile on his face and the tree being the last thing he sees- the big, bright lights of the tree- it was right. All he'd ever done is let that green asshole get what he wanted from him and he was done with that. He was done letting him win.
Whilst being caught up in his thoughts on a certain green man, that said man had been on his way back to make sure he wasn't doing anything he shouldn't be, Tommy didn't look where he was going and missed his footing.
His heart skipped a beat and he was falling, the corners of his mouth quickly pulling the fine line of his lips into a curve, plummetting to his death─
or not.
Strong hands wrapped themselves around his arm and pulled Tommy back up, onto his two feet. "You need to be more careful, Tommy" A familiar voice greeted him and took him out of his trance. His smile faded and he grit his teeth, glaring at the man that stood before him. "Oh piss off you fucking green bastard-" He snapped at him. Tommy had taken a step away, rolled his eyes, and turned around to look out at the lava below them.
"Woah woah woah, Tommy, chill out dude" Dream had said defensively, raising his hands up as a joke whilst watching Tommy as he looked over at the lava a lot longer than he was comfortable with.
Dream placed a hand onto Tommy's shoulder and he flinched, turned his head to look at him and scowled. This only made him want to get closer to the edge. "Don't do that, Tommy" He forced out a chuckle at Dream's words and shook his head lightly, turned his head, and looked back out at the lava "Why not?"
"It's not your time yet." His words were simple. Simple words with little to no meaning.
Tommy sighed, moving his shoulder so that Dream took his hand off of it as he spoke "And what if it is my time, Dream? What then?" When he didn't get a response his lips curved into a sad smile, eyes closing slightly, feeling as the beads of sweat built up and slowly dribbled down his face. It wasn't a comfortable silence, yet it wasn't uncomfortable either. Just the sound of nearby mobs and the lava crackling beneath them.
"I really want to." He said nonchalantly, his eyes being illuminated a vibrant orange from the glow of the lava as it hit him. "Why?" He heard Dream ask, an awkward and hesitant chuckle following suit.
"Why? Seriously- why not, Dream? I have lost everything I've ever cared about! Yo- you have taken it all from me, Dream!" He snapped, smile still evident on his face whilst he kept his eyes locked with the lava. The lava that was tempting him to take that final step forwards that would end it all. "I'm 16 for fucks sake, man! 16! I'm not going to fucking survive out here! Regardless if someone comes and checks up on me every now and then." Tommy continued to rant with a sigh, his tone filled with pain yet also the slightest hint of joy.
"There isn't anything left for me here, Dream." He said as a closing sentence, not needing to go into any more detail than he already had because Dream knew. Dream knew exactly why and what he meant. "I see.." Dream muttered, pausing as he tapped his lips with his index finger before speaking "You have Ghostbur, he may not be alive but you've got him. And Bad, that's not too bad, is it?"
Tommy knew Dream was being genuine, over the time he'd known him, he knew that he wasn't best with his words, but it warmed him inside knowing that he was at least trying to give him a reason to stay─ even if it's just for a minute longer. He shook his head, tilting it upwards to look at the masked man before speaking "You're right..it isn't." He paused, his mouth hung open as he thought over his words(for once) before speaking again
"But they aren't Tubbo. And..and they aren't what I had." Tommy felt his throat tighten up slightly as he spoke, not bothering to blink away the tears that had started to form at the corners of his eyes as he noticed Dream turn towards him "I understand, Tommy. And─ and I'm sorry." "Sorry for what?" Tommy asked, a grin on his face as he tried to lighten the mood with the question, an answer wasn't needed for it. They both know.
Dream chuckled, not like his normal kettle cackle, but a soft, sad chuckle. "You know what I mean, you idiot." He said with a sniff, Tommy watching as he pulled down his hood and reached for the strap of his mask. "W-wait─ Dream, what are you doing-?" He asked, taken aback by Dream's sudden open-ness
"I've never shown anyone my face, really. Not George, Sapnap- no one. Besides, you're always asking me about what I actually look like, so here you go." He listened as Dream spoke, watching with interest as Dream unclipped and took off his mask, dirty blonde hair strands falling down onto his face. "But.. I think it's about time I show someone and it wouldn't hurt to start with you. So, take it as a final dying wish" Tommy looked at his features, lips parting in surprise at what he looked like. Green eyes, freckles, and a funky-looking scar on his left eyebrow. "Huh" He said simply, grinning when he heard Dream cackle at his response to seeing his face.
"Huh? What's that supposed to mean, dumbass?" Tommy chuckled at his words, letting himself relax as he continued, sticking his tongue out like the child he is "It means you're even uglier than I thought you'd be." Dream snorted at this, playfully punching Tommy's arm as they both laughed it off.
Then it was quiet, both boys stood by the edge of the bridge and looked down at the lava below them. "Y'know.." Tommy started, stretching his arms out behind his back with a yawn "As much of a fucking asshole you are─ I- 'm glad I met you, Dream." "Clay." He gave Dream a confused look at the word, not understanding what he meant "Clay? What do you mean by clay there's no-" "It's my name, you idiot" Tommy didn't respond to this, he didn't know how to. Dr- Clay had been more open at this moment with Tommy than he ever had before. It was weird, nice..but weird.
"I'm glad I met you too, Tommy."
He pivoted on his foot, turning to face Dream one last time, his gaze lowering to the hand that had been stretched out in front of him. Tommy chuckled, shaking his head as he took Clay's hand in his own before looking back up at his face "Thank you, Clay." "Tha─" Clay started, only to get cut off by Tommy "Oh shit─ wait D-Clay, do y- do you still have that enderchest on you?" Tommy asked before digging into all his pockets to find the thing that Bad had previously given him.
"Yeah, I do- why?"
"Just place it down, dickhead! Chopchop, I'm o- I'm on a schedule here, big man!" Tommy said with a half-assed laugh, finally finding the thing just as Clay placed down the chest. He opened it and reached in, pulling out all of its contents and laying them out on the floor before looking up at Dream "Here, it's all my stuff. My disks, tools- I- everything."
Clay looked down in shock, his mouth hanging open as he looked down at it all "I- there's no point in me keeping them in there, it- it would be selfish of me to not let anyone else listen to the disks" He said simply, looking up at him with a sad smile as he took all but one disk. "Wait- Clay, please..give this one to Tubbo." Tommy said as he stood up, the red disk in his hands "Tell him- tell him that I love him, Clay. And that- that I don't blame him for what he chose." He stepped away from Clay as he handed him the unfamiliar red disk, the same disk that Bad had given him, and that reminded him of death. Reminded him of the emptiness that he thought he was supposed to feel when it finally arrived.
But now─
Now that he was standing at the edge of the bridge, a singular piece of blue that his brother had handed to him the other day in his hands. He forgot to throw it away, but now that he thought about it, the colour blue really was beautiful.
Tears built up in Tommy's eyes again as he shut them, letting the warm liquid spill down his face and join with the bead of sweat to create bigger drops. He took another step forwards, holding the blue close to his chest as he let himself fall
"I finally understand why."
Dream watched as Tommy disappeared from his sight, disappearing into the lava beneath him. He wiped his eyes, putting the disks into his own ender chest but leaving the one Tommy had asked him to give to Tubbo inside of his inventory. He swallowed the lump in his throat, mining the enderchest before turning around to go back through the nether portal when two familiar faces popped out.
"Oh- hey Dream!" Ghostbur called out as Dream quickly clipped his mask back onto his head and turned towards them. "Heeeyyy, Dreamypoo~" Sapnap joined in with a grin, stepping out of the portal and following Wilbur over to where Dream stood "Hey, what's that face for?" he asked, watching as Ghostbur looked around for his brother.
Sapnap didn't get an answer, but the answer to Ghostbur's next question would answer it for him "Hey Dream, where's Tommy? I got him the picture of the Christmas tree!" Ghostbur said happily, floating over to the two of them with the photo in hand "Look! Sapnap is stood at the top like the star he is! do you- do you think Tommy'll like it?"
Dream nodded, clearing his throat before speaking "Yeah─ yeah.. I think he'll love it Ghostbur. And, uh─ Tommy has gone away for a little while, okay? So how- how about we go wait for him back at his tent?" He said with a nod, not bothering to wait as he walked back in the direction of the other portal.
"Huh? Gone where? Oh─ oh yeah! And- and we can hang it up for him in thrent for when he gets back! Like a nice- like a nice welcome home surprise! Yeah, that'll be nice, won't it?" He said with a smile, laughing to himself as he floated above the netherrak blocks beneath the three of them.
Sapnap nodded, smiling back at Ghostbur as he spoke "Yeah! I bet he'll love that!"
An hour later both Dream and Sapnap were sat on the beach by Logshire, watching as the waves gently hit the sand before Sapnap spoke up, eyes still glued to the waves in front of him "Did you kill him, Dream?"+
Dream jumped slightly, taken by surprise by Sapnap's casual tone. "Don't act so surprised, Dream! I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone, you fucking asshole he was a chi-" Sapnap continued, rage starting to fill him the more he spoke, only to get cut off by Dream who had turned his gaze back to the sea in front of them.
"He jumped." He didn't need to look at Sapnap or listen to what he said after that, he already knew what he'd do and say, so he stood up and left. He left Sapnap sat crying on the beach, thinking over the things he had done to Tommy, as he left to go and give Tubbo all of the disks and have to see his reaction to the news.
Dream didn't deserve to have all of the disks, no one did really. Tommy had earned most of them─ and for what? His life to come to this. The only things remaining of him being a few disks and some armor. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be exiled from the country he helped build like this, the country he created. He didn't deserve to have the people he loved and cared about torn away from then given back to him, over, and over, and over again. He didn't deserve to have his life played with like the way Dream previously had.
Tommy deserved to be remembered.