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Daniel Espinoza knew he was going to Hell.
He’d slowly learned to coexist with that fact, avoiding obsessing over it for the sake of whatever tiny scrap of sanity he had left.
At some point, he was sure that he’d get a one way ticket to eternal damnation based on his history with the King of Hell alone.
What could one do when the Devil himself stole your pudding and made lame jokes about your hair and clothes? The Devil was about as mature as his ten year old daughter, for fuck’s sake.
After everything settled a bit, Dan decided to make an effort to get back into Lucifer’s good graces.
“He has nothing to do with who goes where, Dan.” Chloe told him one day while they were together in the breakroom, “Apparently, the system’s entirely based on our guilt. How much guilt you feel determines where you end up.”
He paled, clutching the plain mug of coffee in his hands so tight that he feared breaking it.
While it was nice knowing that Lucifer couldn’t condemn him to Hell for being “too douchey”, this news wasn’t… comforting.
Deep down, Dan knew that the afterlife would be based on measurements of “good” and “bad” like most people generally believed, but having it put that plainly was nothing short of horrifying.
He could probably make up with Lucifer. It wouldn’t be too hard. However, how could he alleviate the constant, spreading pressure of guilt on top of his chest?
Maybe he was a bad person.
He continued preparing the coffee, nodding in all the right places as he listened to Chloe relay something about Trixie’s school life.
“Since when do you add so much sugar?” His ex-wife frowned.
“It’s not mine.” Dan shrugged, making his way back to her desk.
There was no reason to not get back on Lucifer's good side. He'd heard about Lucifer's plans for "revenge" and he'd like to avoid those ridiculous pranks as well. Dan was slowly going back to seeing the annoying, childish club owner who’d been his “bracelet bro”.
Deep down, he couldn’t deny that he missed the British asshole.
Not that Satan belonged to any specific country.
Oh-
Maybe a perk of this “guilt system” was that he wouldn’t end up in Hell for calling one of God’s children an asshole. Then again, this was the Devil so would he go to Hell for befriending him or-
“Daniel!” The annoying voice groaned, “Careful!”
Dan blinked, noticing he’d arrived at his destination. He’d accidentally stepped on Lucifer’s shoes, the shiny, expensive leather suffering due to its exposure to his scruffy sneakers.
Lucifer was staring between him and the shoes mournfully. Dan wondered if the Devil could smite him for this. His love for these red-soled Louboutins was legendary.
Who would have thought that the Devil actually wore Prada?
Dan was almost certain he’d gone crazy.
“Are you going to stand there all day?” Lucifer mused, leaning back in his chair to study him, “My, my, Daniel, your coffee would get cold.”
“Not mine.”
“Oh?” Lucifer raised his eyebrows, looking around the busy bullpen with poorly concealed curiosity, “Who’s the lucky lady then? Or chap? I haven’t got a clue, but I’d suggest that you-”
“It’s yours.” Dan cut in, trying to hand him the mug.
“Mine?” Lucifer scoffed, looking at the steaming cup as if it was going to attack him, “I am flattered, but, you see, the Detective and I have been as item as of late, and-”
“Just shut up and take the damn coffee, man.” Dan rolled his eyes, “Do you always have to talk this much?”
He had no idea how he went from almost shitting his pants when he saw Lucifer to comfortably sliding back into their dynamic of insulting each other.
Lucifer was almost the same. If Dan didn’t know better, he’d say the Devil was wrong-footed and uncertain, confused when it came to their interactions at best.
Funny, realistically, considering how Lucifer knew almost nothing about how others felt.
Chloe was the only exception. Then again, Lucifer wasn’t that great at reading her either.
“You made this yourself?” Lucifer gulped.
Dan’s hand was starting to ache from holding out the mug for so long. He placed it on the table in front of Lucifer, next to his phone which had been paused on some sort of game.
A literal child.
Lucifer kept giving the mug odd looks. Dan was close to tearing his hair out. Trust Lucifer to turn coffee into a complex mess.
“Thank you, Daniel.” Lucifer nods in the direction of the mug, sounding… awkward?
Wow. What was it with this morning?
Dan gave him a small nod before making his way back to his desk. He paused and looked back, watching as the consultant studied the mug for ages, poking the hot glass with his finger several times.
Chloe came back in record time, and the two of them settled into their routine of talking and bantering. She seemed to be annoyed with Lucifer, pushing a case file under his nose and ordering him to read through it. Dan left.
He got up with various excuses, stealing a look at Chloe’s desk when he could. It was a paperwork day which meant Lucifer was bored, antsy and fidgety. He made Chloe smile more than a few times which was… cute. Sad but true.
Lucifer got up many times, grabbing snacks, talking to people, or just stretching his legs.
The mug remained untouched.
*cries in Deckerstar*
Dan was, for the lake of a better word, done.
He’d gotten Lucifer coffee every day for the past week and the asshole had refused to drink it. He’d tried different shops. He’d checked Lucifer’s favourite order with Chloe. Hell, he’d tried his best.
And Lucifer?
He hadn’t even tasted any of it.
Dan had no idea why. As far as he was concerned, the club owner was trying to annoy him. As usual. He’d been trying to act nice, hoping to revive their old dynamic and go back to seeing Lucifer as a friend.
Would it kill Lucifer to work with him a little? Why was he always so difficult?
Dan had just decided to stop. Maybe coffee wasn’t it. Maybe Lucifer took pride in the fact that he was usually the one who got everyone’s order? Then again, Dan was sure the Devil had been happy any time he received coffee from someone.
All of it lead Dan back to wondering why Lucifer had to be so irritating.
It was early, early enough to contribute to Dan's dark mood.
He placed the Styrofoam cup in front of the consultant, raising an eyebrow and waiting. Lucifer’s brow furrowed, and he wrinkled his nose. Dan couldn’t identify the blend of emotions on the other man’s face. He didn’t even want to.
“Would it kill you to drink it, man?”
Lucifer let out an odd, hushed, choked off laugh at that, brown eyes wide. He shook his head, his eyes darting between the cup and Dan’s… hip?
“You tell me, Daniel.”
“Very funny.” He seethed, “You know I’m just trying to be nice to you, Lucifer. I thought I’d get our old friendship going.”
“You want our old dynamic back?” Lucifer whispered, eyes, somehow, widening even more.
“I thought that was clear.”
Coffee hadn’t been the least of it. He’d been trying to make an effort with Lucifer, even reducing his “douchiness”. He was treating him better, in general. He even went out of his way to be nicer. Lucifer had been acting weird, but going along with everything.
Except when it came to the damn coffee.
“Even though you know the truth of who I am?”
Dan nodded, exasperated.
“I’m the Devil, Daniel.” Lucifer huffed, standing up with as much flawless elegance and grace as usual.
“I know you’re the fucking devil!”
An intern walking past them paused, giving them a weird look. Dan was too angry to give some sort of lame, half-assed explanation. The number of times he wished he could go back to being an ignorant side character in what felt like Lucifer’s world was insane. Dealing with a victim of trauma and abuse or a cult survivor was easier than dealing with a being older than the Earth beneath their feet.
The problem now was that Lucifer looked… terrified.
His shoulders were tense, his hands were clenched, and his breaths were a bit too rapid. Dan frowned, wondering what was going on with him. He was making the face he made when he was scared or worried but chose to wear a charming mask anyway, resulting in a weird blend of the two.
“You don’t have to be such an asshole, man.” Dan sighed, “Just drink the damn coffee and let’s move on with our lives.”
“I’m… I do not appear to be thirsty.” Lucifer excused himself, pushing the cup away to the center of the desk. He was treating it like it was a bomb, ready to explode in his face and inflict as much damage as possible.
Dan screwed his eyes shut, trying to tame the anger erupting in his chest.
Was this what he got for trying to be kind? Nice at least?
“Just one sip.”
“That’s incredibly generous of you, Daniel, but I’m afraid I must-”
“What’s your deal, Lucifer?” Dan took a step forward, a tiny alarm bell going off in his head when Lucifer… flinched?
It was barely there. He’d recoiled, just the tiniest movement of his shoulders and his legs. Dan doubted that anyone could even see it.
Yet, he did.
“Perhaps I do not enjoy coffee.”
“You drink coffee every day!” Dan threw his hands up in the air, fingers spasming as if he was close to strangling someone (preferably Lucifer).
He couldn’t explain his wrath. Perhaps it was the insane level of stress he’d been under these past few years. Maybe he was close to another celestial meltdown? Then again, dealing with the eternal toddler, otherwise known as Lucifer Morningstar, could drive anyone into madness.
“Yes, but-”
“You either drink coffee, or alcohol, Lucifer.” Dan continued, “Is that it? Should I get you alcohol instead?”
Dan could almost overlook all the drinking the Devil did during work hours. For starters, the dude was the literal devil. Plus, he couldn’t get drunk, and that was why drinking on the job was frowned upon anyway.
“Daniel.” Lucifer choked out, face solidifying into an unreadable mask.
Was it a trick of the light or had Lucifer grown paler?
He watched as the consultant dropped into his chair, fingers clutching the expensive fabric of his pants by his knees. His fingers clenched and unclenched, wrinkling the fabric in a way the Lucifer he knew would have been appalled at.
This was such a sharp contrast to Lucifer's outlandish “normal” that Dan found himself wondering if this was Michael up to some bullshit again.
Could it be?
Michael never looked this… shocked though. Plus, there was the scar to consider now. Could angels… cast a glamour on themselves? Was magic real?
Knowing his luck, it probably was.
He couldn’t stop talking though. He’d started and now the words were flowing, loud and endless. He’d talk for an eternity and it would do nothing to ease the burning agony in every bit of his soul.
Dan was so tired.
“Maybe I should pour you a glass of scotch every day, or a three thousand dollar wine that would-”
Lucifer let out a strange gasp at that, clutching the edges of his seat.
Some of Dan’s anger dulled, the fear in the other man’s eyes shining through so powerfully that he couldn’t breathe.
It was there for less than a second, glinting like Lucifer’s crimson eyes sometimes did. However, it spoke to Dan’s soul, electrocuting him and setting every nerve in his body ablaze with its intensity.
“Lucifer?” He breathed, taking a step closer.
Lucifer's eyes, unfocused and glazed over, widened. He blinked a few times, kicking his feet blindly and moving his chair as far away as possible. He hit the wall and stopped, digging his shoes to the floor. Dan was frozen, staring at the impossible scene with an odd blend of emotions he couldn’t identify.
What the fuck was going on now?
Chloe rushed past him. She dropped to her knees beside Lucifer, calling his name softly. Lucifer didn’t say anything, not even making one of his ridiculous innuendos. He kept staring ahead, parted lips motionless as he tried to speak and failed.
What?
“Lucifer, hey, you okay?” Chloe chanced placing a hand on his cheek, gasping when he flinched.
It was a proper flinch this time, observable by anyone. Dan was almost grateful no one was at the bullpen save for a few officers. He felt like an intruder, watching the Devil be vulnerable with his front row ticket to whatever these “freaking soulmates” were doing.
He was still surprised at how much they cared for each other.
They always had, long before they became official. The two of them had a real connection; package deal and all of that. However, seeing them as a couple was… insane.
It made him miss Charlotte and hate Lucifer a little more.
He even missed Chloe, back in their early days, when they’d been a family.
“Lucifer, hey, talk to me.” Chloe remained crouched next to him, trying to catch his eyes, “What happened? You okay? Is it your Father? Did something new happen?”
Usually, she wouldn’t be asking so many questions. Dan could hear the fear in her voice. Her back was to him, but he knew the exact way her blue eyes would expand and glint when she was afraid, powerful, yet terrified.
Lucifer coughed once, one of his hands rubbing his throat. He pulled his hand away from his neck, scrutinizing it. If Dan didn’t know better, he’d say Satan had choked or gotten poisoned.
He couldn’t move.
He was fucking useless.
Why did he have to screw up everything he did? Maybe Hell was his rightful place.
He’d been trying to be nice and now the Devil was having an incredibly quiet panic attack or something because of him.
Classy.
“F-fine, Detective.” He finally said, blinking the confusion out of his eyes furiously. The horror lingered, etched on every feature of his annoying face.
“Lucifer-”
“Need some… need some air, darling.” Lucifer choked out, jumping to his feet, “Please don’t f-follow.”
He pushed past Chloe after watching her nod hesitantly, almost running. He didn’t spare Dan a look, darting to one of the interrogation rooms.
Dan felt bad. For so many things. Now though, he felt terrible about seeing Lucifer like this, knowing that he hated showing anyone any form of weakness.
Chloe whipped around, murder in her eyes. Dan had a flashback to the night he’d shot Lucifer, the fury on Chloe’s face strong enough to evoke as much fear in him as Michael had.
She loved Lucifer beyond all reason. Lucky him.
“What did you do?” She demanded, grabbing him by the elbow and steering him towards the same interrogation room Lucifer had bolted to.
Dan tried to tug his arm away, mumbling something about how the Devil wouldn’t want to see him. Chloe ignored him, opening the door and shoving him in before walking in herself.
Dan sighed, turning around, half-expecting to find Lucifer’s red face staring back at him. His ex-bracelet bro had a tendency to resort to anger, hiding behind it like a shield when it came to emotions he hated or couldn’t process. It was no secret that Lucifer was terrible at dealing with fear.
There was no one else there though.
Dan frowned, wondering if he’d been mistaken.
“He flew out.” Chloe sighed, crouching down to grab a white, slightly luminescent feather.
Where? How? Dan didn't get it.
He didn't think he'd be allowed to ask.
Had Lucifer darted down the stairs or...?
She stared at the feather mournfully, stroking it with her finger. Chloe bit her lip before placing it inside her jacket, wrapping the fabric tighter around herself.
“What did you do?”
Dan sighed, knowing the happy couple still had some issues with the incident where he’d tried shooting Lucifer in the chest.
“Nothing this time.” He swore, leaning back against the table, “I’ve been trying to be nice to him, Chlo’, getting him coffee every morning for example. He never drank it though. Ever. It’s been over a week and I’m so sick of him being so annoying all the time. I just asked why he wouldn't drink it!”
He’d been almost yelling, but Lucifer had no issues with loud voices. Dan couldn’t think of anything he’d done that would warrant such a reaction. Before today, he couldn’t think of anything that made the Devil afraid, except maybe seeing Chloe in danger.
Chloe had gone absolutely quiet. She looked heartbroken, eyes fixed to the floor.
Dan wondered what he’d done now.
“Chloe?” He sighed, approaching her, “I’m sorry, but I swear I didn’t-”
“He never drinks anything unless he sees you pouring it for him anymore.” Chloe blurted, biting her lip again, “Even then, chances are…” she shook her head.
More Luciferness.
Nice.
“Why?” Dan frowned, deciding not to touch her for now, “Is it like… some cultural thing in Hell? Did the demons try to poison him? Sounds like Maze honestly, and I remember her saying that-”
“Not just the demons.” Chloe whispered.
She looked so grief stricken that Dan had to pause, brain desperately attempting to put together the puzzle pieces to find the answer to whatever the Hell was going on here.
“Chloe?”
“You’re not the only one who had an… extreme reaction to finding out who… Lucifer truly was.”
It took him a moment to understand what she might have meant.
Dan… he didn’t know how to feel.
Chloe and Lucifer had had something special from the get go. He’d never wondered how she’d reacted, assuming that she’d accepted him. How could she not when she’d loved him for years? The two of them might have been blind and in denial, but Dan had been there to witness their relationship grow since day one.
How could he have been so stupid?
He’d hated Lucifer most of the time.
Chloe was in love with him. How did knowing that the man you love was the monster humanity has been terrified of since the dawn of time feel?
Fucking Hell.
“We had a date.” Chloe whispered, “Our first real date since before Candy and everything. He… he made some of my favourite food and set up a great date at his penthouse. My favourite.”
Dan could remember.
“He said he’d forgotten the music. He’d made me a playlist, Dan. Imagine. Full of 90s jams.”
Did he even want to know where this was going?
“I’d… a lot had happened. After I saw his face, for the first time, at the loft, standing over Pierce’s dead body… I ran away.”
Europe. Rome. Trixie’s gelato.
“I met a priest. W-we had a plan. He gave me a vial, convinced me that… that the Devil belonged in Hell. That I was saving humanity.”
Like Michael had done to him.
Was there someone out there to manipulate every single one of Lucifer’s friends?
“He was vulnerable around me, so the poison would’ve worked. I-I was supposed to pour it in his wine glass, but the volume from his speaker system was too loud and this song came up so suddenly... and I ended up breaking the glass instead. He found out anyway, later. We didn’t talk for ages. I…”
Eve. Father Kinley. The time Lucifer had spent away.
How much context had he been missing?
Was there more to every tiny occurrence around Lucifer?
He didn’t blame Chloe for how she reacted. But, a tiny, miniscule part of him felt bad for Lucifer.
Shot. Poisoned.
Lucifer didn’t have friends. The guy didn’t understand friends.
How did it feel to know the people who loved you would try to kill you if they ever found out who you were?
He wasn’t that bad, for the Devil anyway.
And yet...
He’d told him he’d pour him a glass of wine and-
“Fuck.” Dan whispered.
“Yeah.”
*cries in Deckerstar*
“We need to talk!”
He’d driven to the penthouse, taking his time and being thankful for the Los Angeles traffic for once in his life. Maybe a few extra minutes would help him figure out what to say.
Sadly, they hadn’t. He was there though, making his way out of Lucifer’s elevator and into his extravagant Penthouse.
He’d been expecting the Devil to still be… afraid. Annoyed. A bit panicked. Possibly on a bender with cocaine on the top of the bar and cigarette smoke fogging up the place.
Dan had been mistaken.
Nothing could ever be simple with Lucifer.
He was the picture of calm, playing his beloved piano. He startled when Dan showed up, fingers jamming into the long keys to create an annoying noise. Lucifer scowled at the piano before turning his head to stare at Dan.
“Here to pour more coffee down my throat?” Lucifer asked smoothly, one eyebrow raised.
Their eyes met for a moment before Lucifer returned his attention to his well loved musical instrument, plucking a few chords at random.
“I didn’t know.”
“There is nothing to know.” Lucifer shrugged, “I…”
“What was that then?”
“A blunder.” Lucifer answered after a pause, “Won’t happen again. You have my utmost apologies, Daniel.”
Was he… apologizing for his reaction?
How could this man infuriate him and make him feel so bad for him at once?
"You don't have to talk apologize." Dan told him, walking as close to the piano as he dared, "Chloe explained."
Lucifer's jaw tensed. He was silent for a moment, before giving him a hint of a nod.
"I do not wish to discuss it."
Fine by Dan, really. He wasn't Lucifer's therapist. He wasn't Chloe. It was okay.
"I'm sorry anyway."
Lucifer hummed, not looking at him.
The silence turned awkward very quickly after that.
"Would you like a drink?" Lucifer asked, almost suddenly, jumping from his bench and heading to the bar.
Dan nodded, not knowing what else to do. He'd drink just a little bit, so he'd be fine. Lucifer took his sweet time browsing the bottles, seemingly incapable of settling on one. Dan took a seat on one of the stools, watching him.
When Lucifer finally picked an expensive looking bottle, Dan extended his hand, stopping before he touched the Devil.
"May I?"
Lucifer had picked. He'd grabbed the tumblers. He could watch Dan as he poured them both a drink and maybe it could help?
Lucifer looked like he might refuse. He would have accepted that. Instead, he just nodded, leaving the bottle and taking a seat.
"I'm sorry." Dan repeated, pouring their drinks, trying to make his movements as clear as possible.
He felt like he was apologizing for a lot of things.
"I'm sorry as well."
Dan almost dropped the bottle, shocked.
Like him, Lucifer appeared to be apologizing for... a lot.
Something changed between them. The world wasn't magically perfect, but things weren't as tense as they'd been a minute ago.
Dan settled down and they drank in silence.
"Do you still have... uh, the bracelet? The amethyst one?"
Lucifer snorted at that, almost choking on his drink.
"I'm sure I have it here somewhere." He mused, scanning his Penthouse as if it would appear, "Last I saw it, it was taped to one of my white boards."
"Whatever the Hell for?"
"I was contemplating whether or not to shove it up your arse, Daniel."
Dan actually choked at that. Had this been one of Lucifer's revenge plans?
Lucifer laughed, watching him cough and sputter.
Well-
"Sometimes, I really hate you, man."
"The feeling is mutual." Lucifer smiled, "We could either go back to that bracelet, sans... penetrations, or we could come up with something new."
Dan thought about it for a moment, wondering what to do.
"Bracelet Bros for the win." He finally said, loving the grin that lit up Lucifer's face.
He raised his fist, allowing Lucifer to fist bump him. Chloe would call them adorable, and Dan could almost see how the sheer glee on Lucifer's face was kind of cute.
He really was one of the Devil's very few friends, huh?
They had a lot to work on, but Dan was almost certain they'd be okay.
Hopefully.
One can never know with an asshole like Lucifer, but, oh well...