Archive of Our Own

It was late in the afternoon when the Survey Corps came hurtling over the hillside, their horses spitting white foam, capes fluttering behind them. Hange peered through a crack in the gate and did a cursory count. They could see Erwin and Mike, and about fifteen others. It didn’t seem like anyone had died, but there were a handful of injuries. Levi was missing at first glance, but a closer look revealed he was indeed there, just riding very tight to Erwin’s side.

Odd. 

The gates were opened with a groan. With Erwin and Levi and Mike gone, Hange had spent significantly less time going out and drinking. It had been their most productive weekend in a long time. 

Still, they were glad to see the squad home. The survey corps headquarters were far too quiet without Levi and Mike bickering in the halls. 

Levi was missing his cape, he had a split lip, and even from afar, Hange could see that his knuckles were wrapped in gauze.

When he jerked his mare to a halt, Erwin was immediately fisting his hand in the back of Levi’s cape and ripping him out of the saddle, expression cold. 

“What happened?” Hange asked. Erwin walked by them without answering, dragging a seething Levi behind him. Mike slid off his own horse and gave Hange a sloppy but hesitant grin. 

“Erwin’s pissed.” 

“Yeah, why?” 

Mike’s shoulders lifted in a half-shrug, but when he looked at Hange, his expression was serious. 

“I’ll tell you inside.” 

Mike and Hange followed Erwin and Levi into the headquarters, but where Erwin and Levi turned left, presumably to Erwin’s office, Hange and Mike loitered in the empty foyer. 

Mike glanced around furtively then leaned in to murmur to Hange.

“Levi went rogue on our way back, totally switched directions to kill an Abnormal who wasn’t even going for us.” 

“... IRRESPONSIBLE AND SELFISH, LEVI… SUICIDAL BEHAVIOR… AND FOUR INJURED SOLDIERS…” Hange couldn’t remember the last time they had heard Erwin yell like that when he wasn’t on a mission. Mike grimaced at the volume. 

“Yeah, he’s pissed.” 

“So people got hurt?” 

“Levi broke formation and then we got ambushed by three more Abnormals. It was so strange, Hange. They were working together, like a pack.” 

“Really?” Hange’s eyes went wide. They reached into their back pocket and pulled out a bent tea-stained notebook, flipping through the pages to find some blank paper. 

“How tall were they? And what do you mean pack? Did they have a leader?” 

“The point--” Mike hissed, “is that Levi nearly killed four people and he wasn’t even a little apologetic. He said it was their fault for getting in his way.” 

Hange snorted. 

“Can you believe it?” Mike asked, smiling now, too, with a weary sort of exasperation that he must have learned from Erwin. Hange had to admit that it was actually very uncharacteristic of Levi. He was far more controlled than people gave him credit for. 

“What do you think Erwin’ll do?” 

“I dunno. Something serious, I hope. He goes easy on him, but I don’t think that’s helping anything.”

“Levi is sensitive,” Hange said. Mike scoffed. 

“Like a flower,” they added with a little grin of their own. 

At that moment, the door to Erwin’s office slammed open and Erwin himself peered out into the hall. 

“Hange, Mike, come inside, please.” His voice was deliberately soft. 

Levi was slumped in one of the chairs in front of Erwin’s desk, jaw clenched with irritation. His cheeks were stained bright red, a strand of dark brown hair sticking up at the back of his head in a slightly endearing cowlick. 

A cup of tea steamed on the desk, the handle turned outward. 

“Hey, Levi,” Hange said, waving a hand. He glanced at them out of the corner of his eye and grunted. 

“I don’t--” Erwin stopped himself and sighed, breath disturbing the loose papers on his desk. “I don’t know what to do with him.” 

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not there.” 

“Levi,” Erwin ground out. He looked just on the verge of imploding, but Levi didn’t seem to care.

“Just because you’re pissed--” 

“Levi,” Hange said carefully, eyes darting from Erwin and to him. Mike was dead-quiet in the corner, watching with his thumbnail between his teeth. 

“I don’t know what to do with him,” Erwin said again, and this time, he made almost desperate eye-contact with Hange. There was a manic tilt in his gaze. He looked afraid. 

Levi had his gaze fixed on the fire, light sliding up the planes of his face and dripping back, like the tides. His foot tapped a relentless stattacco on the carpeted floor. 

“Go shower, Levi,” Erwin said with a whoosh of breath, a concession. “We can talk about the consequences later.” 

Levi was out the door before anyone could say anything else. 

Erwin delivered the news later that evening, knocking on Levi’s door and waiting for a hoarse, “yeah,” before coming in. 

“Levi,” Erwin said. Levi regarded him calmly, one eyebrow lifted in expectation. He was sitting in the very center of his bed, elbows on his knees. Casual, at first glance. 

“It’s going to be a public flogging, tomorrow at noon.” 

“Okay,” Levi said, voice flat. Erwin couldn’t tell if he was surprised or not, if he was afraid. His eyes roved over Erwin’s face hatefully, but he gave nothing else. 

“You’ll stay in your room until then.” 

“Fine.” 

Erwin lingered in the doorway. He wasn’t angry about the insubordination anymore. He had hardly been angry at the time either, more so deeply shocked, disturbed almost. 

He hadn’t thought that Levi would fall victim to the sick addiction that was killing titans. He had always seen Levi’s relationship with the corps as purely transactional. Perhaps it had changed somewhat after Isabel and Furlan’s deaths, but still. 

It was becoming more clear to Erwin that what happened today wasn’t uncharacteristic on Levi’s part, it was just that Erwin did not know him as well as he thought he did. 

Erwin was tempted to say more to Levi, to assure him that this wasn’t something extrajudicial that Erwin was subjecting him to, that it wouldn’t be too bad, it happened frequently enough. 

But Levi was staring at him with his head cocked, looking totally unbothered. His thumb was digging into the soft underside of his knee, like he was sore there. 

Erwin rocked back on his heels, felt along the seam of the wall suddenly erected between them like a blind man, heavy with despair, and left the room.

At a quarter to noon the following day, Levi was standing in the courtyard wearing a simple pair of cotton pants and a matching shirt. He had shoes on, but they looked more similar to slippers than boots. 

His hair was still wet from a shower. 

Erwin thought that assigning him guards would be patronizing, so he just jerked his chin and Levi ambled after him, trailing a few feet behind like a pouting child. 

Hange kept pace beside him, looking far more somber than Erwin had ever seen them. They had actually brushed their hair this morning, which was both startling and sobering. 

Levi’s steps faltered as they came upon the whipping post mounted in the center of the square. It went unused a majority of the time, and as such, dust had gathered on and around it. A shovel was leaned up against it, mundane life creeping in like weeds. 

“Are you going to clean it?” Levi asked flatly. Erwin took the coiled-up whip that a recruit handed him. 

“No.” 

Hange watched from a spot in the crowd as Levi walked up to the post, sank to his knees very slowly, and let his wrists be tied together around it. Erwin uncoiled the whip with the gingerness of a lady and watched the tail coil back on itself as it hit the ground. 

“Count each one out loud. You’ll have five seconds to say the number. If you fail to, I’ll start over.” Levi gave no indication that he had heard Erwin, but Erwin saw his jaw clench. 

The headquarters usually seemed empty: half of its inhabitants were training or sleeping at all times, rotating in exhausting shifts that made them nearly disappear. Now, the crowd was spilling from the main area of the square and into the small strips of space between the soldier barracks. Shorter soldiers stood on tip-toe. Taller ones craned their necks. 

Levi was pale and corded with muscle underneath his shirt. A thin lumpy white scar stretched from the back of his ribcage to the front. He flinched at the cold. 

“Sixty lashes,” Erwin said firmly. This time Levi did react, but it came only in the form of an exhalation. Sixty was a lot. All around Hange, soldiers began to murmur. Last summer, a soldier had succumbed to his wounds from fifty, infection getting the better of him. Either Erwin had faith in how many Levi could take, or he was feeling murderous. 

The first lash was like the crack of a gunshot. Levi tensed, but made no sound. 

“One,” he bit out. His voice was gravelly and low: angry. Someone in the crowd, very close to Hange, chuckled. 

“He’s pissed .”

“Two.” Erwin hit harder with this one, and it was evident in the way Levi snarled out two . It took about ten more for Erwin and Levi to find a horrible rhythm. 

The only sound in the square was the wet slap of leather against raw flesh, and the periodic grunts of Levi and his forced out counting. At thirty, blood was starting to drip. At forty-five, the floor was wet with it. 

“Fifty-eight,” Levi hissed. The crowd thrummed with relief. He was conscious and there were only two more left. This misery would be done away with and they would be able to return to their day. 

Erwin hit again. His shoulder must have been getting sore by now. There was silence following the hit. For a moment, Hange wondered if Levi had passed out. Since hitting fifty, he had chosen to just hang limp, letting the post hold his weight up at the wrists. 

“Levi,” Erwin said firmly, a reminder to count. Levi’s shoulders heaved, breaths coming out in short, pained gasps. If Hange hadn’t known any better, they would have thought he was bracing himself. Someone groaned into Hange’s left ear.

“You have five seconds, Levi. One more left. You really don’t want to have to start over. Give me the number.” The silence became deliberate. 

“One,” Erwin began. His voice was desperate, pleading. “Two, three, four,” and he stalled at four, waiting for Levi to say something. “...Five.” 

“Jesus Christ,” one of the men next to Hange exclaimed. “He did that on purpose.” 

“I’m starting over now,” Erwin said quietly. Levi suddenly pulled himself up by his wrists, holding himself up like he was starting over again, too. His shoulders shook with fatigue, and there was a particular cluster of lashes around his shoulder blade that was so deep Hange swore they could see the flutter of exposed muscle as he shifted. 

Erwin ran a hand over the whip, clearing it of blood and then cracked it against Levi’s back. 

“One,” Levi croaked. Erwin winced at the spray of blood. His forearms were turning red with it. 

“Two,” Levi continued. 

At the second time passing twenty, Levi’s voice began to dip. 

“ Twenty-two. ” Another horrible groan. 

“Tw-twenty-three.” It came out like a wheeze. Levi looked like he was trying not to cry out, forcing his sounds through his teeth, instead. Hange couldn’t see much of his face--his hair covered his eyes--but they saw the flash of white as he bared his teeth in agony.
Another few lashes, and the numbers were coming out low and muted, like Levi was on the verge of unconsciousness.

And then they hit twenty-nine for the second time. 

It was a symptom of fatigue, a slight miscalculation of the whip that caused Erwin to hit Levi too high on the body. 

The lash cracked, hard, leaving a slice of red skin at the nape of the neck. Levi let out a choking sound and Erwin froze, the end of the whip coiling wetly on the ground. 

“Levi?” He asked, stiff as stone A lash to the back of the neck was enough to break the vertebrae, enough to leave Levi paralyzed, enough to kill him. 

Erwin moved slowly to the post, coiling the whip into a neat ring as he went, to disguise the tremble of his hand. 

From the crowd, Hange watched with narrowed eyes, fingers tapping a wild staccato against their own forearm. They saw as Erwin kneeled beside Levi, tilting the soldier’s limp head towards himself, peeling back half-opened eyelids to reveal swimming, lucid gray. 

Levi nodded in a quick, small way. Even that seemed to take a tremendous amount of effort on his part. The sigh of relief that Erwin let out was palpable, even from many yards away. 

He turned to the crowd, shoulders back, a blood-wet whip tucked under his armpit, and said in that carefully-maintained tone of his: “We’re done.” 

It was the crowd’s turn to sigh in relief. 

“Let this be a warning to all of you,” Erwin continued. Hange was creeping through the crowd, moving in an arc so they could approach Levi from behind the post. They saw the two medics on hand doing the same. 

“ Levi ,” Hange whispered. Exhausted, wet gray eyes lifted to stare at them. 

“…insubordination that could put lives in danger. Levi is one of our strongest, but no one is exempt from taking orders. That is how…” Erwin’s voice floated in and out. 

“How is your pain?” Hange asked, voice still low. Levi looked very close to passing out. He rolled his shoulders, experimentally, and groaned as his abused flesh contracted. Trails of blood had dripped down his ribcage from his back, clinging to the curve of his waist. 

“The platform,” Levi began hoarsely, “is fucking filthy.” 

Hange fought back a grin.

“You’re dismissed,” Erwin said. Immediately, the soldiers filed out and the two medics were cutting Levi from the post, cursing as his knees gave way and he sagged forward. 

“Jesus Christ , Levi,” Erwin snapped, wringing his hands in a familiarly anxious gesture. Hange took a wet cloth from the bucket left by the medics and ran it over Levi’s face, cleaning him of sweat and blood speckles and grime. He was so out of it that he didn’t even question where the water and cloth had come from, if it was clean or not. 

“We’re taking him to the infirmary,” one of the medics said, hoisting him onto a waiting cart. 

“What was the point of that?” Erwin demanded, settling in the back of the cart with Levi, the two medics, and Hange. Levi was set up on his stomach, a folded towel pillowed under his head. His back was like one big, open wound. A pair of flies buzzed around it hopefully, but Hange shooed them away, praying that Levi didn’t notice them. 

“What on earth would compel you to do that?” Erwin went on, rubbing his thumb against his brow. “Was it satisfying? Did you enjoy putting me in that position?” 

“Yeah, actually,” Levi gritted out. 

“Levi--” 

“Can you shut up? For Christ’s fucking sake?” 

One of the medics, an older gentleman with his hair slicked back, raised an eyebrow at the other, shocked, perhaps, at Levi’s insolence. 

“Levi,” the medic said, voice reedy with age. “When we get to the infirmary, we’ll have you moved to a private room. Your friend Hange here tells me you have some issues with the infirmary.” 

 “He has issues with cleanliness,” Erwin corrected, wearily looking over the exposed flesh of Levi’s back. 

“Oh, well, all of our equipment is sterile, so--” 

“There’s no such thing,” Levi rasped. 

“Hm?” 

“There’s…” Levi paused, eyes screwing shut as the cart bumped over a dip in the road. “Everything is unclean,” he said. There was a red flush to his cheeks, which was strange. And though it was indeed a hot day, Levi was sweating too much for it not to be a fever. The medic peered down at him with furrowed brows. 

“Alright,” he said, mostly to himself. 

Erwin reached out, an attempt to brush Levi’s bangs back from his face, but Levi jerked away, lip lifted in the beginning of a snarl. 

“Don’t,” he added for good measure. 

Erwin’s mouth tightened. 

The infirmary must have been warned ahead of time about Levi, because there was a team of doctors waiting at the entrance. They were quick and silent in getting Levi set up on the cot in his private room, white gloved hands flapping efficiently. Hange and Erwin loitered in the hallway until a nurse waved them in. 

Levi was biting down on a small leather dowel. A nurse had offered her arm for Levi to grab onto, but he seemed to be squeezing too hard. Her mouth was set up in a pained grimace. 

“Allow me,” Erwin said quietly, prying Levi’s hands off her arm and onto his. If possible, Levi dug his fingers in even harder. 

“Levi,” a new doctor said, a woman, younger than the man from the cart, but older than Levi. “My name is Maren, I’m going to be working with you today.” Levi grunted against the dowel. 

“I’m going to be running everything we do by you first. You’re at liberty to decline treatment, so long as your commander doesn’t have a problem with it.” 

“You aren’t declining treatment,” Erwin said firmly, leaning down so he could look Levi in the eye. Maren glanced between the two of them and then continued. 

“How many lashes?” She asked, studying Levi’s back with narrowed eyes.

“It was supposed to be sixty,” Erwin muttered, “but we went to eight-nine. He refused to count.” 

“Okay,” Maren said faintly. 

“The whip hit him around his C4,” Hange added. “Erwin stopped and checked on him. He seemed fine, but the flogging was stopped regardless.” 

“That’s good,” Maren said, pressing cool, gloved fingers to the back of Levi’s neck. He tensed, back muscles rippling under a layer of red-striped flesh. 

“I’m just going to feel for some swelling, Levi.” One hand wrapped under his throat, holding him still in a very gentle grip, the other felt along the knobs of his vertebrae. 

“He seems okay. It’s just the skin that was abrased.” Erwin sighed in relief. 

“Can I have water?” Levi asked, the dowel half in his mouth. Maren looked to one of the nurses and they scurried off. 

“You don’t seem to be in a lot of pain,” Maren remarked. She seemed a little confused, and a little amused. 

“He’s okay with pain,” Hange said, drumming their fingers on the edge of the cot. “He’s a baby when it comes to things being touched. He’ll start to freak out when you treat his back.” 

“I won’t freak out,” Levi bit out. 

“ Relax,” Hange insisted. They were the last one left in the room, besides the doctors. Mike and Erwin and three of the nurses had been kicked out by Levi, who was sweating and trembling and--though he would never admit it--crying. 

“Hange--” Levi began, voice tight with venom. 

“You’re only drawing out the process by being so nasty.” Their usually-chipper expression was as flinty as steel. They braced their palm against the edge of the table and peered down at Levi. Sweat was gathering at his temples. His lips were cracked. 

“Don’t do even more to yourself,” they said, firm, low. 

It was slightly miraculous, watching the wheels in Levi’s brain turn, a testament to the inhuman control he had over himself. With a little sound of irritation, like the warning chuff of a dog, he let himself relax against the table, allowing the doctor to return to her treatment. 

His face was pinched with pain, and he looked hazy, a combination of exhaustion and discomfort and probably dehydration, but he was quiet. 

Hange patted one of his clenched fists. 

“Erwin.” Mike’s voice was muted as it came through the door.
“Yeah?” Erwin asked, dropping the formalities. Mike slipped into his office and collapsed on the couch, gazing tired-eyed into the fire. 

“A lot of the senior officers are concerned about this next expedition, with Levi not going and all.” Erwin winced. 

“We shouldn’t be so dependent on one soldier. The Survey Corps is well-trained and capable. We are more than--” 

“Cut the bullshit, Erwin. Seriously, it’s me.” 

“Sorry,” Erwin said miserably. Mike glanced at him from across the room. 

“How soon will he be able to ride?”

“Ride? I’d say four weeks weeks. Fight titans? six, at least. Especially considering the way he fights.” 

“Bastard,” Mike said without venom. Erwin grunted in agreement. 

“It needed to be done, if not for him, then for the corps, just so they could see it. He isn’t infallible. No one is. And his conduct isn’t romantic and brave. He’s careless,” Mike added. 

“Yeah.” 

“So, stop wallowing.”

“You came in here and told me senior officers were worried about leaving the walls, Mike. You--” 

“I didn’t say I agreed with them, did I? You think I need fucking Levi to feel safe outside of the walls?” Erwin laughed, stomach shaking with the relief of it. Mike grinned, face lit up from the fire. 

“Is he still in the infirmary? I should go visit to torture him for a bit.” 

“Tomorrow’s his last day. Then he’s moving back into his rooms.” 

“Oh, Levi,” Mike mused. “Levi, Levi, Levi. It’s sort of funny, the shit he pulled with the counting.” 

“That wasn’t funny,” Erwin said darkly. “It was immature and dangerous.” 

“It was funny, Erwin. If you hadn’t been the one to have to actually do it, you would have found it funny. He’s funny.” 

“He’s been getting more and more creative in figuring out ways to make me suffer.” 

“You suffer on your own, Erwin. He’s overworking himself for nothing,” Mike said with a snort. He planted both feet on the ground and stood, stretching his arms overhead. 

“Let's grab a drink.” 

“Yeah, okay. Let me visit the infirmary first, just to make sure all is well.” Mike glanced knowingly over at Erwin. 

“Sure.” 

Levi had been moved to a smaller private room, now that his condition was less severe. The nurses were pleased to see Erwin, dizzyingly relieved smiles on their faces. 

“Right this way,” one said, boots clacking on the stone floors. 

The room he was led into smelled heavily of medicine: a thick, herbal, cloying scent that reminded Erwin of the stuff his mother rubbed into his chest when he was ill. 

Levi was passed out on his stomach, naked from the waist up. An empty teacup sat on his bedside, along with a half-full glass of water. He seemed to be sleeping very peacefully, his marred back rising and falling with big, slow breaths. 

“Oh,” the nurse said, “he’s asleep. Best not to wake him, then.” 

“Could we have a moment?” Erwin asked softly. 

The nurse hesitated, wavering in the doorway. 

“Please don’t wake him, he hasn’t been sleeping well.” 

“I won’t,” Erwin lied. She bobbed her head and left, closing the door as quietly as possible. 

Erwin squatted beside Levi’s cot, gently stroking a thumb against the skin under his eye.  

“Levi?” He whispered. A single gray eye cracked open, wet and welling with exhaustion. It sent Erwin’s heart fluttering. 

“I’m sorry to wake you,” Erwin said. Levi groaned, the one eye he had visible screwing shut and then opening fully, blinking away the sleep. 

“What do you-- ah .” Levi’s face twisted suddenly with pain. His back was starting to scab over, and every too-heavy breath was causing the partially-healed wound to crack, revealing wet, pink flesh underneath. 

Erwin felt his stomach contort. 

“Should I get a nurse? Do you need something for the pain?” 

Levi muttered something through his teeth. 

“I’m sorry, Levi, what did you say?” 

“ A minute ,” he hissed. Erwin took a step back, watching as Levi shakily exhaled and forced himself to go limp. It was slightly sickening, watching the muscle in his back go lax. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was still so bad. I just wanted to--” Erwin swallowed. “I wanted to see you before I went out with Mike. I haven’t seen you, it feels like, in so long.” 

“I’ve been here,” Levi said flatly. His ears were red. It was startlingly noticeable, what with the rest of him being so bloodless in color.

“I’m not--” Erwin paused, collected his thoughts. “I’m not going to apologize for the flogging, Levi.” He saw Levi’s brows lower in indignation. 

“I wasn’t asking--” 

“Let me finish,” Erwin said firmly. “I’m not going to apologize for it, but I want to, and that’s not a good thing. I shouldn’t feel guilty for punishing a subordinate.” 

“I know this,” Levi muttered darkly. “You’ve said this already.” 

“And I also said to let me finish,” Erwin snapped. “Listen.” 

Levi fixed him with a brief, baleful look, and then returned his gaze to the floor. 

“You mean more to me than other soldiers in the Survey Corps.” Erwin saw one of Levi’s fingers twitch, curling in on itself slowly. 

“I don’t even think I would have as much a difficult time flogging Mike or Hange as I did you.” Levi made a derisive sound. 

“That’s not true. They’re your best friends, Erwin. You don’t have to fucking--” 

“You are not my friend,” Erwin said softly. He crouched again, so that Levi’s neck didn’t have to crane, so that they were close, eye-level, breathing in the same menthol-scented air. 

“You’re not really my friend either right now,” Levi said, and Erwin could tell it was supposed to come out harsh, angry, but it didn’t feel that way.

“I care about you.” 

“I know, Erwin.” 

“And you’re angry with me now, I understand. I’m patient. You can be angry for as long as you need.” 

“It wasn’t the flogging,” Levi said. “It hurt, it fucking hurt, of course, but you--” Levi huffed, nose wrinkling, brow furrowing. He let out a long, shaky breath, a breath of pain, and took two small sips from the glass of water at his side table. 

“You embarrassed me, for show. You did it to prove a point, you wanted--” Levi gasped out that last part, lip lifting furiously. “It was a demonstration and I didn’t fucking sign up for that. You fucking know that. I kill titans for you, that’s the deal. I didn’t sign up to be humiliated for the sake of Survey Corps discipline.” It was always a little surprising how quickly Levi understood things, understood his significance to the corps, understood that Erwin would be the kind of person to try and manipulate it. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You’re not, which--fine--I don’t give a shit. You don’t have to be sorry. Just don’t fucking do it again. Or I’m done.”

“Okay.” Levi looked suddenly pleased with himself, though Erwin could tell he was trying not to show it.

“Get out,” he said after a few seconds of silence. 

“Levi--” 

“Leave, and bring a nurse in on your way out.” Erwin sighed, feeling his knees protest as he stood to his full height. Levi’s gaze didn’t follow him. He glared down at the stone floor, breathing in slow, shallow breaths so as not to disturb his healing back.

Erwin ducked out of the room, waved a nurse over, and left with one last glance at Levi’s prone form. 

Levi had thought the worst of it would be the day after the flogging, when the flesh was raw and easily disturbed, when any sharp movements would send blood trailing down his back. 

But he had been wrong. 

“Levi,” the same nurse said, sounding on the verge of tears. Since he had been moved to his room, the presence of doctors and nurses had begun to feel more invasive, more infuriating. “I need you to let me take the soak off.” 

This was the worse part. His back was scabbed over properly now, but that meant it itched and crackled with every breath. He couldn’t move, because if he did, the skin would break.

“Can you just not touch it for five fucking seconds?” 

He heard the rustle of fabric as the nurse put her hands on her hips. 

“You’re very lucky to be alive, Levi.” He also regretted giving the staff permission to use his first name. They wore it out by the first day. 

“You’re right,” Levi grunted, “I feel very lucky right now.” 

“Don’t be difficult.” 

“Levi.” This voice was instantly recognizable. Levi flinched so hard he felt his skin split, just above his shoulder blades. The nurse pressed a hand against the nape of his neck, holding him down, and clucked her tongue. 

“Stop moving,” she chided. 

Erwin closed the door behind him and walked slowly and deliberately in a circle around Levi, finally coming round and pulling up a chair so he and Levi were more or less eye-level. 

“Good morning,” he said. His face looked slightly drawn, brows lowered over his brilliant eyes. 

Levi ran his tongue over his teeth. He was a disturbed by Erwin’s appearance--even at his most fraught, he always looked just as solid and clean-shaven.

“Could you leave us?” Erwin asked the nurse. 

“The gauze needs to come off,” she sniffed, gesturing to the damp, medicine-soaked muslin. 

“I can do it. He’ll let me.” Levi let out a derisive snort, but he didn’t say anything, and that, combined with Erwin’s calmest, most gentle smile, seemed to convince the nurse. 

“Call me or one of the others if you need help. Bye, Levi.” She gathered her bag and her coat and left, closing the door behind her. 

“You aren’t touching me,” Levi said. Erwin leaned forward onto his elbows, studying Levi’s face, searching, maybe, for permission. When he found nothing that indicated the contrary, he reached forward slowly and rested a hand in Levi’s hair. His thumb rubbed small circles in his temple. 

“I spoke to your doctors, and they say you’re healing well.” 

“Great.” 

“You’ll be back in two weeks at this rate.” 

“Is that why you came here? To tell me when I could go back to work?” 

“I wanted to see you,” Erwin said with a shrug. Levi made another derisive sound, more disbelieving than anything. Despite the massive wound that was his back, he looked well otherwise. It was clear the doctors had given up being strict about showers. Levi’s hair felt recently washed, silky and fragrant between Erwin’s fingers. 

“I spoke to Mike,” Levi said finally, glancing sideways at Erwin, searching for a reaction. Erwin’s face didn’t change, eyes bright, mouth held in a soft smile. 

“He said people are worried about the expedition, because I’m not going.” It was said with little arrogance, more accusatory, like he couldn’t quite believe it. 

“People have lots of faith in you.” 

“And you weaponized it, like you do everything.” It was said petulantly, a little tired. He wasn’t looking for a fight, just wanted to make a jab. 

“Levi--” Erwin rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “Alright, let’s not talk about that. Can I take the gauze off?” 

“No.” 

“It’s either me or the nurse.”

Levi’s eyes screwed shut and a sigh escaped his body, a resigned sound. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. 

“Fine,” he said eventually. 

“We can go as slow as you need to.” 

“I know that, I’m not stupid.” 

Erwin switched his low chair for a stool and settled his elbows on the edge of Levi’s bed. With the same gentleness that he had used the first time, Erwin swiped his thumb under Levi’s eyes, brushing at the sallow gray skin there. 

“I was so mad at you,” Levi croaked. 

“I know.” 

“I wouldn’t sleep at night, I was so mad.” 

“I wasn’t sleeping at night either, if it helps.” 

“I don’t give a shit how you slept,” Levi bit out, but it was toothless. 

“This gauze needs to come off,” Erwin added, eyeing the translucent material laid out over Levi’s back. Even with his smallness, the expanse of gauze was daunting, and to think that underneath it was wounded skin. 

Erwin suddenly felt a little bit nauseous. 

“I’m going to start, okay?” 

Erwin saw the way Levi’s shoulders bunched as he clutched his pillow. His ankles locked together, toes curling. 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay,” Erwin said softly. 

After a week of Levi-less training and meetings, the headquarters began to feel off. Hange didn’t realize before how much impact such a small and mostly quiet man had on the Survey Corps social scene, but now that they did, it was all they could talk about. 

“It’s interesting, Erwin, that’s all.” 

“I feel a bit like you’re rubbing salt in the wound, Hange.” 

“What wound? You’re fine. I’m telling you, having Levi around makes a huge difference. For one, your office is usually much cleaner.” 

Mike laughed once, high and clear, from the sofa. 

“Hange is right, Erwin.” 

“Thank you, Mike.” 

“I kind of miss Levi too, actually.” 

“See, Mike agrees!” Hange folded their arms and made a smug expression. 

“His back is healing nicely. He should be out and about soon,” Erwin said firmly. 

“You've been paying him a lot of visits?” Mike’s grin was toothy and unrelenting. Hange mirrored his expression, pulling their glasses up into the messy nest of their dark hair. 

“I don’t like what you’re implying,” Erwin said, half-scolding. His eyebrows were lowered but his mouth was quirking slightly in the beginnings of a smile. “You’re welcome to come visit him with me. He’s just next door, and if you’ve been craving to see me get yelled at for half an hour, then you’ll get your fix.” 

Except, that was an exaggeration. In the beginning, Levi had been frigid with Erwin, but that had all but gone now. When Erwin came to visit, he was usually greeted by soft, sleepy silence. They spent their time together lazily, one of Erwin’s warm hands in Levi’s hair as he dozed. 

He slept loads now, his body taking all the energy it could spare to heal itself. 

Erwin didn’t mind it though. He missed talking to Levi, but he liked watching the delicate rise of his ribs as he breathed, eyes half-cracked, gleaming with exhaustion. And though he was reluctant to presume, he was pretty sure Levi enjoyed his presence too. 

“Erwin,” Hange said, uncharacteristically gentle. They’re mouth was pressed into a thin smile: understanding, not joyous. 

“Sorry, thinking,” Erwin said distractedly. 

“As always,” Mike piped up, standing with a groan. “I’m heading to dinner.” 

“It’s early,” Hange said, glancing over their shoulder at the clock. Erwin was staring emptily at the wall, still thinking, apparently. 

“Trying for an early night,” Mike said with a rueful smile. Hange muttered something to themself about giving that a try as well, and then they and Mike were slipping out of Erwin’s office, waving quiet goodbyes. 

Erwin leaned back in his chair, let his head flop over the top of the backrest, and sighed. There was dust on the shelves of his bookcase, dust he hadn’t noticed before. 

Three and a half weeks after the flogging and Levi was starting to grow restless. 

“He’s a quick healer,” the nurse said, tapping her bottom lip in thought. Levi stared straight on, ignoring the both of them as he stretched his arms overhead. The skin on his back looked tight, shiny, past the scabbing stage, but not yet fully healed. 

“Any pain, Levi?” Erwin asked. 

“It’s fine,” he said neatly. The nurse made a face, like this was something she had heard before. 

“It looks good, better than any of us expected, but that doesn’t mean you can be careless.” Levi looked at the nurse over his shoulder, a thin, dark eyebrow raised dangerously. 

“Do I come off as the kind of person who’s careless?” 

Levi’s irritability in the wake of the flogging had started to soothe now that he was allowed to be up and walking, but it wasn’t gone altogether. 

He continued with his light stretching for a few seconds and then padded into the ensuite bathroom. Erwin heard a faucet being turned on. 

“I’m going to give you some privacy,” the nurse said, oddly enough, to Erwin. Erwin blinked and before he could say anything, she was gathering her things and making her way out. 

“Bye, Levi,” the nurse called as she backed out of the doorway, her bag held to her chest. 

“Goodbye,” he said flatly. “Thank you.” 

The door closed with a gentle click, and the room shrank to about half its size. 

Erwin sat awkwardly on the edge of a lacquered wood credenza. The surface of it was empty, save for two unlit candles. 

“Levi,” Erwin called, “can I light these candles?” 

“What candles?” Levi poked his head out from the bathroom, hair damp, cheeks ruddy, like he’d scrubbed them. 

“Oh,” he said a moment later after seeing what Erwin was referring to. 

“I don’t care.” 

Erwin went ahead and lit them both. It was getting dark and Levi’s drapes were blocking out the waning light left. 

“Did you shower today?” Levi asked, still sounding irritable. He was leaned up against the wall beside the bathroom, head cocked. 

“Yes.” 

“You can sit on my bed, then.” 

Levi was oddly polite like that, always concerned for other people’s comfort, even when they didn’t deserve it. Erwin didn’t know where he got it, and how he managed to balance it with his more universally-known brutality. 

“Thanks,” Erwin said a little awkwardly. The candles were starting to feel presumptuous. Levi glanced at them as he crossed the room and his mouth twitched. 

“Can you put this stuff on my back? I’m not supposed to twist around.” Levi held out an amber glass pot, waiting for Erwin to take it. 

“Just a thin layer.” 

“Yeah,” Erwin rasped. Levi glanced at him over his shoulder, quick, skeptical. 

Erwin scooped a dollop with his fingernail. It was thick, almost waxy, and pungent, though different from the menthol smell Erwin had been accosted by in the infirmary. 

“It won’t hurt?” Erwin asked. Levi had situated himself with his butt on the edge of his bed, Erwin sitting behind and to the left of him. 

“It’s not going to be an orgasm, Erwin, but you won’t be torturing me.” That didn’t really answer his question, but Erwin plowed on.

“Alright.” 

He gingerly rubbed the dollop of ointment into Levi’s skin, starting at his shoulder and working the thick stuff down the length of his shoulder blade. Levi’s breathing went a little sharp, and then he sagged. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

Erwin gathered a little more of the ointment and spread it down the lower part of Levi’s back. He shivered involuntarily. 

“Okay?” Erwin asked again. 

“Just cold,” Levi said. 

Erwin awkwardly pet the ointment over a sensitive-looking patch of skin, half-tensed in case Levi reacted negatively. It went on like that for an amount of time Erwin couldn’t quite be sure of. All he knew was that Levi’s breathing kept hitching and his fingers were curled into the bedding with a tension that did not match the rest of him. 

Erwin eventually got lost in the quiet of it. Even scarred and sensitive, Levi’s skin was lovely to the touch. He had a pair moles on his shoulder, with Erwin found inexplicably charming, and up close, Levi’s petiteness gave way to a delightful solidity, like he had been a sketch on paper that was chipped into existence from a block of stone. 

A few more minutes in, Levi listed slightly to the side and then corrected himself with a jolt, almost as if he had fallen asleep. 

Erwin had thought as soon as the whip cracked against Levi’s pale, rigid back that he was discarding any chance he may have had at a real relationship with him. It was confirmed during that visit to the infirmary: Levi’s bared teeth, his flitting, dangerous eyes. Erwin had just about made peace with it, and then suddenly, almost against his own will, things had begun to get better. 

He had been guilty about it, at first, that Levi was starting to forgive him. But he also knew that Levi did nothing out of obligation, and though he could be coarse at times, Erwin could always count on him to be genuine.

Erwin could also always count on him to be a man of action and so he took the little pot of medicine that had been placed in his hands for what it was: an olive branch. 

Erwin’s thumb dug into a knot of muscle at the center of Levi’s back and watched as he sagged like a tomato plant. He felt his heart thrum impatiently in his chest.

Softly, carefully, as small as a bug bite, Erwin pressed a kiss to Levi’s shoulder.

Erwin didn’t know why. He wasn’t the kind of person to act without thinking, and he certainly wasn’t that kind of person around Levi, who, since their first meeting, had always compelled him to tread carefully. 

Levi stiffened, shoulders hunching. His head tilted, sharp, bird-like, and then he breathed out. 

He was thinking, Erwin realized, watching the way his fingers curled into the bedding, probably thinking of all the reasons why this was a really awful idea. 

“I’m sorry--” Erwin blurted out, seconds before Levi turned, gingerly, because of his back, to face him. 

His expression was hard, pinched. His upper lip was half-curled. 

It reminded Erwin of the face he made when they were outside the walls. A steeling expression.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said again. Levi moved to sit on his heels, and then he braced his weight on one palm, which was in turn planted right next to Erwin’s hip, and then he crossed the previously chilly distance between them to press a chaste kiss against Erwin’s mouth. 

Erwin sighed against Levi’s lips. Relief. 

Levi pushed Erwin back, a hand sliding possessively into the back of his hair, fingers curling around his nape. 

They kissed again, less chaste. 

Erwin reached up, to mirror Levi’s grip on himself. No sooner had his hand pressed against Levi’s nape than he realized his hand was still covered in the slightly tacky ointment. 

Levi made a loud cringing sound. 

“Erwin,” he groaned against Erwin’s mouth. 

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Erwin said, hands fluttering. Levi sat back on his haunches and touched the back of his head. 

“It’s in my hair.” 

“You’re being dramatic,” Erwin said fondly, leaning back on his elbows. All he felt was fondness; it was overwhelming. 

Levi glared at him, but it was without heat. 

He took the pot that was sitting on the bedspread, tightened the lid, and set it on his bedside. 

There was a flush on his face that was travelling down his neck, pink against pale skin and dark hair. Erwin could feel his own ears burning. 

It was ridiculous how young a kiss could make you feel. 

Levi rubbed at his bare chest, casual, boyish, and then glanced at Erwin reproachfully. 

“Can you do the rest of my back?” 

Erwin blinked. 

“Oh, yes.” 

Erwin was more clinical in applying the ointment this time, as quick and gentle as he could manage. When Levi’s entire back had been coated, Erwin helped him lie down on his stomach, arranging the pillows in a way that would be comfortable, fetching a glass of water to leave by his bedside. 

“All set?” Erwin asked. His chest felt light, shaky. He had kissed Levi, and Levi had kissed him back. 

There was a truly terrible mountain of work waiting for him at his desk: budgets to go over, squad formations to consider, but all he wanted to do was light a fire, sit on his couch, and think about how Levi’s mouth tasted. 

Warm, a little sweet, like fruit in the summer. 

“One second,” Levi said, pushing himself up off his stomach into a kneel. He braced one hand on the edge of the bedside table, and rose onto his knees until he and Erwin were eye-to-eye. 

Then he leaned in, like deja-vu, and kissed Erwin firmly at the corner of his eye. 

Erwin’s lashes bent under the pressure of Levi’s lips. It was a Levi-like place to kiss someone: punishingly intimate, unexpected. 

“Alright,” Levi said, a little cool again, a little awkward. Erwin bit back a smile. 

“I have a dinner meeting,” he said. The light from the candles bounced on and off the bridge of Levi’s nose. “Could I come back after?” 

Levi nodded. 

“Good,” Erwin said, nodding to himself as well. 

“Bring alcohol,” Levi added. 

“Yes, sir,” Erwin replied, sounding very serious despite his smile. He gave Levi’s room one last lookover, and then, with a very soft, bye Levi, Erwin closed the door. 

Erwin returned that night with a bottle of rum tucked under his arm. He was greeted by a freshly-showered Levi, his hair still damp, pushed off of his forehead to dry. 

“You came,” Levi said, sounding pleased. 

“I told you I would.” 

Levi hummed and sat back on his bed. He crossed his knees and rested his elbows on them, watching Erwin move around the room with the gaze of a predator. 

“Did your doctors say you could drink?” Erwin asked, pouring himself and Levi a glass anyway. 

“Why would they have a say about that?” 

“You might be on medication,” Erwin reasoned. Levi scoffed. 

“I’m not. I haven’t been since the third day.” 

“No pain medication?” Erwin asked incredulously. Levi studied him for a moment, his weight leaned back on his palms now. 

“No,” he said slowly, like Erwin was stupid. 

“Why? What on earth--” 

“I dunno, I was angry.” 

It was a testament to how much time they spent together that Erwin understood what he meant. 

“Are you still angry?” 

“Give it to me,” Levi said instead, reaching for the fuller glass. Erwin gave him the other, ignoring his curled lip. 

Levi took a sip and sighed. 

“I wish we had ice.” 

“I can get some,” Erwin said quickly. 

“This whole submissive-apologetic thing you have going on is annoying.” 

Erwin’s mouth twitched. 

“Well, how would you like me to be?” 

“I don’t want you to be any particular way. Just be normal. You think so much it’s debilitating. Just… stop being aware of everything.” 

“I can’t just not think.” 

“I’m just saying--” Levi knocked back his rum and set the glass down, “that I don’t want to sit here in a room while you give me lip-service because you think that’s what I want. I don’t want that.” It was clear that this was hard for Levi, from the way he forced his words out of his teeth, the way his head kept ducking, eyes darting anywhere but Erwin’s face. For someone so brusque and brutally honest in his daily life, he was surprisingly non confrontational when it mattered. 

Erwin finished his glass and slowly approached Levi. His expression was wary as Erwin kneeled down on the bed in front of him. 

“What do you want, then?” 

Levi’s mouth opened in a sharp slash, but before he could say anything, Erwin kissed it smooth. 

Levi’s breath hitched and his hands splayed against the mattress. For a moment, dread settled in Erwin’s stomach. Perhaps he had read the situation wrong, perhaps Levi didn’t even--Levi huffed a breath out from his nose and kissed him back. 

The relief trickled through him, as cool and lovely as a stream. 

“I miss you on our expeditions,” Erwin babbled into Levi’s skin. Levi laughed in his throat. 

“What’s it like without me?” They shifted, Levi’s initial proneness giving way to solidity. He pushed them both back, until it was Erwin laying on the bed, eyes wide as Levi’s palms planted on either side of his head. His gaze lingered on the bulge of Levi’s shoulders before making eye-contact. 

“Scarier,” Erwin admitted ruefully. Levi smiled lopsidedly. 

“Really?” 

“Really,” Erwin said. “People have so much faith in you to kill titans. I’m… I find myself feeling jealous sometimes.” 

“You can kill titans too, you know.” Levi sat on Erwin’s stomach, like a cat on its haunches, head cocked. 

“Not the titans part, the faith.” Erwin swallowed at his vulnerability, but Levi didn’t sink his teeth into it. He wasn’t cruel like that. 

“People have faith in you. But killing titans is much easier than whatever it is you do.” 

“Levi--” Erwin began, before cutting himself off with a laugh. Killing titans is easier than paperwork? 

“It is,” Levi said, indignant. “It is easier.” 

“Maybe for you.” 

“Yes, for me,” Levi went on. “Killing titans is easy. I find it strange that people don’t do it more.” The little half-smile that drifted on his face told Erwin he was joking. 

“They should, shouldn’t they?” Erwin propped himself up on his elbows, tilting his head up. 

Kiss me, the gesture demanded. 

Levi half-obliged, bringing his face within an inch of Erwin’s but holding it there. 

“I never got to say what I wanted,” Levi whispered. His breath was sweet with rum. 

Erwin didn’t wait for clarification. He threw his arm over Levi’s back, hand coming to the nape of his neck, and let the other wrap around his waist. Using his grip, he pulled Levi into and onto him, squishing Levi’s face against his own. 

The back of Levi’s neck was hot, soft. His kissing was unselfconscious. Erwin tried his hardest to match it.

At some point, Erwin distantly realized Levi had slotted one of his thighs between Erwin’s legs, and even more distantly, he realized he had done the same in turn. 

There was nothing that brought you back to reality like the hot brand of an erection against your leg. 

Levi rolled his hips particularly hard and then trembled in the few seconds after. 

Erwin wanted to ask if his back was feeling alright, alright enough for this, but he knew that would put the swiftest end possible to whatever they were doing. 

Instead, Erwin let pleasure build in his belly like the slow trudging of a traveller, closer and closer. 

After a few more seconds of kissing, Levi wriggled his hand between their heaving stomach, sloppily grasping at Erwin erection, scutting over the head before gripping tightly at the base and sliding up in short, controlled movements. 

Hazily, Erwin wondered if this was how Levi masturbated. If he touched himself with that samer brusqueness he used to talk to people. 

After all, short and controlled was very on the nose for Levi. 

Levi grunted something imperceptible, stopped kissing Erwin, and dropped his face into Erwin’s neck. 

His hand kept moving, a little too rough, but so good. 

“ Levi--” He gasped. Levi snorted against his neck. 

“You close?” 

Erwin let his eyes flutter shut, let his head tip back. Feeling a little like he was getting off easy--literally--Erwin grabbed a palmful of Levi’s ass and ground Levi’s hips down, pressing his erection even harder against his thigh.

Levi finally made a proper sound, high and choked. 

“I’m--close, Levi,” Erwin hissed.

“I know,” Levi murmured into his neck, voice unbelievably soft with fondness. If Erwin had been more in this world and less in his own, he would have preened like a parrot.

Instead, he was just grateful that his pants were still on because he could feel Levi’s fingernails digging into his cock and without that layer of fabric, it would have been too much. 

He felt a tingling building in his stomach. Levi seemed to sense it, too, because his hand flattered and instead of rubbing, he pressed his palm against Erwin’s cock, firm, certain, unbelievably good.

Erwin’s thighs clenched, squeezing one of Levi’s legs between them, and then he came with a stuttering groan. 

“ Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

Levi twitched at Erwin’s use of profanity--it was rare--and then his hand faltered, his whole body faltered, actually, but his chest kept heaving, body still taut with the expectation of an orgasm. 

“Your turn,” Erwin said after finally catching his breath. 

His hand on Levi’s ass pressed again, grinding his hips manually, and Levi let it happen, breath coming in hot, erratic puffs against Erwin’s neck. 

“Good, Levi?” 

H e nodded in a short, quick way. Erwin, still floating from pleasure, gently grabbed Levi’s head by the hair and lifted until they were eye-to-eye again. Erwin smiled kindly, eyes crinkling. 

Levi’s face was flushed, eyes watery. His usually perfect comportment was gone. 

He tugged against Erwin’s grip in his hair, but Erwin held him still. He wanted to look into his eyes when it happened. 

“Hngh, hng,” Levi mumbled, his bottom lip shiny with saliva, gaze losing focus. 

“Come on, Levi,” Erwin whispered. It struck him again how miraculous it was that this was happening, that Levi was on top of him, hips bucking against his thigh, a hand curled into the hair at the back of his head. 

It all felt like a dream. 

Levi’s back arched, his stomach rippled against Erwin’s body, and he growled out a word that sounded like Erwin.

As he came, he shook and shook, and Erwin held him, arms wrapping around freshly-healed skin, his thumb rubbing circles in Levi’s nape. 

Levi eventually collapsed, spent. Erwin, meanwhile, quietly marvelled at the smallness of him, at how even his deadest weight was insignificant. 

“You’re forgiven,” Levi rasped eventually. His voice was dry, colored with humor. 

Erwin’s chest swelled at the sound of him, hazy and rough and young. 

They just breathed for a few moments, until the taste of rum in their mouths began to sour, and the stickiness in their pants grew cold and tacky. 

“Gross,” Levi croaked, pushing himself back up onto his arms. There was a mark on his cheek from where one of the buttons on Erwin’s shirt had dug in. Erwin rubbed at it fondly. 

“I need to shower,” Levi said, sounding just so slightly frantic. 

“Go shower,” Erwin replied firmly. “I’ll change the sheets and then I can shower when you’re done.” Levi looked relieved. Carefully, he rolled off the bed and shucked off his pants, glancing back at Erwin every so often, shy but pleased.  

Levi’s shower was long enough that Erwin had time to make the bed and go to his quarters to fetch clothes to sleep in. He knew Levi would wrinkle his nose at the prospect of sharing a bed, but Erwin found it incredibly necessary, and it wouldn’t be something he’d be swayed from. 

When Levi emerged finally, he was already wearing pajama pants, and he had his towel draped over his head. His gaze travelled over the room, lingering on the folded sleeping clothes Erwin had set on the credenza. His mouth twitched amusedly, like Erwin had just proved him right about something, and then he dropped down on the freshly tucked duvet. 

“You can go ahead and sleep,” Erwin said, unbuttoning his shirt. Levi watched lazily. Erwin’s pants came away next. He stepped out of them gingerly and left them in Levi’s hamper to be cleaned. 

It was strange to have Levi’s gaze on him as he got naked. It felt like scrutiny, even though he knew it wasn’t. 

“Hurry back,” Levi said with a yawn. 

“You can sleep, you don’t need to wait for me.” 

Levi made a sound of dissent and he rolled onto his stomach, propping his cheek on his forearms. 

“I’ll stay up,” he said thickly. 

“Okay,” Erwin replied, feeling warm. 

Levi was fast asleep when Erwin returned from his shower. 

Erwin snorted at the image. He looked so solid sleeping there, so fresh and pink-cheeked. All Erwin wanted to do was touch. He felt giddy with it. 

But Levi of all people needed the sleep. 

The way he was lying, on his stomach, shirtless, hair damp, skin flushed, it reminded Erwin of that room in the infirmary, the room that smelled of menthol, where Levi had refused to look him in the eyes, and Erwin’s right hand was calloused from the handle of the whip. 

Erwin crawled into bed next to Levi, wincing as Levi’s eyes fluttered and he groaned. 

“Sorry,” Erwin whispered. Levi blinked blearily and snaked an arm across the mattress, pulling Erwin in close to him. 

With their sides flush, the difference in their sizes was laughably tangible. 

Levi threw a protective arm over Erwin’s stomach and let out a long shuddering sigh. His head was turned away from Erwin but Levi had as much of his skin as possible pressed to him, which was about as Levi as it got. 

Erwin stroked Levi’s arm up and down, disturbing the faint dark hairs there. He’d had his eye on Levi for what seemed like forever, but never had he been this close to his physical body, not even on overnight expeditions, where the soldiers often showered and changed in each other’s presence. 

It felt like mapping a new chunk of territory outside of the walls. It felt like discovery. 

Levi’s fingers curled into the thin material of Erwin’s sleep shirt and very slowly, very gingerly, hooked his leg inside one of Erwin’s. His feet were cold. 

Erwin fell asleep like that, cold toes biting at his calf, hazily admiring the silver coat of moonlight on Levi’s bare back. 

Hange had taken to knocking on Erwin’s quarters in the mornings, because for all his primness and discipline, he tended to sleep in, and he would always be wracked with guilt about it in the aftermath. 

I need to hold myself to a higher standard, Hange, he would moan. Hange didn’t really understand it, this complex of his, but they didn’t question it. Besides, they naturally woke up at around half-past five every morning, so it was easy to amble on over to Erwin’s quarters after a cup of coffee or tea and knock until he stumbled to the door and swung it open. 

This time, there was no response. 

Hange knocked until it began to feel fruitless, opened the door slowly, and faltered when they realized his quarters were empty. 

It took them a second, the gears in their brain turning, and then they smiled. 

“Ha,” they breathed. 

Levi’s rooms, smaller and less secure, were just down the hall from Erwin’s. Close enough that you could reach the other before you even put two and two together about the implications of sharing a room with someone.

Hange swung the door open, loudly, and stuck their head around the corner of the mini foyer-like hall that led into the main room. 

“Erwin,” they hissed. And then they actually took in what they saw: bare, freshly-healed skin, chest and shoulder, more skin then they should have seen. 

Erwin slept exactly how he would be expected to sleep: on his back, face serene, the covers smooth where they lay over his body. 

Levi, on the other hand, was half-sprawled over much of the bed, an arm thrown over Erwin’s torso with a grip so fierce it was like he was afraid Erwin was going to be taken from him. His face was buried in between Erwin’s neck and a pillow. Hange had no idea how he was breathing. 

His hair was stuck up in an endearing cowlick. 

“I’ll come back,” they whispered, backing out of the room and closing the door.  

Hange impatiently came back to check on them only half an hour later, this time with Mike in tow, and found them still to be sleeping. 

Erwin and Levi wouldn’t emerge from Levi’s rooms until about four hours later, when the sun was high in the sky, and the rest of the corps had long-since woken. 

Levi slipped into the dining hall with lines on his face from his bedsheets, and Erwin slunk in behind him, looking the guiltiest Hange had ever seen him. 

A month and a week after the flogging, Levi was approved by his doctors to resume training. Three days after that, he was allowed to go on expeditions. 

Erwin knew, intellectually, that this was a good thing, but he couldn’t get rid of the sour taste in his mouth at the sight of Levi tacking up his horse, the straps of his odm gear undone at the chest. Levi ran a hand under the girth of his mare’s saddle, and, satisfied by the snugness, took her by the reins and started walking her to the courtyard. 

He faltered when he saw Erwin, whose head ducked with sheepishness at being caught. 

“Creep,” Levi said flatly. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“You’ve asked me that twice today already.” 

Erwin’s lips twitched. 

“Well, the last two times you said fine, which isn’t a real answer in my book.” 

Levi fixed Erwin with a look that was nothing short of venomous. His bay mare snuffled at his hair, which partly ruined the aura of intimidation he was trying to emulate, but Erwin got the message. 

“Sorry.” 

“I don’t like being worried at,” Levi said, clucking for his mare to follow him as he walked. Erwin fell into step beside him. 

“I know.” 

“I only let you for the past month because the guilt would have eaten away at you otherwise.”

“How considerate,” Erwin said dryly. 

“I feel good,” Levi finally answered. He turned his mare in a circle, hooked his foot in the stirrup, and pulled himself up. All this time, and the sight of him in motion was still a marvel. He settled on the saddle and glanced down at Erwin. 

“You don’t look like you’re ready.” 

“I’m not,” Erwin admitted. It was strange. Before expeditions, he used to wake an hour earlier than the rest of the corps, used to tack up his horse before anyone else, stretched and ate breakfast and did everything with a sort of frantic determination. 

Hange had said it was his nerves. 

“You should get ready,” Levi said patiently. 

“I’m not nervous, not like I usually am,” Erwin blurted out. Levi regarded him from atop his horse. He looked a little haughty, a little confused. 

“I’m usually nervous before expeditions,” Erwin added. 

“Everyone’s nervous about the titans.” 

“Not the titans. I used to have nightmares, that people would do what I told them to and they’d die.” 

“They do die,” Levi sniffed. 

“I meant--” 

Levi’s mare stomped her front hooves down, snorting impatiently. She was a little undersized for Survey Corps stock, but she was wicked fast, flighty almost always, except in the presence of titans, at which she was strangely composed. 

Perfect for Levi. 

“I trust you,” Levi said simply. Erwin watched the deft shift of his wrist as he calmly adjusted his grip on the reins, tightening his mare’s head, keeping her neck still. 

“Okay,” Erwin rasped. 

“Do you trust me?” 

“Always.” 

“Come here.” Levi glanced furtively around, a young gesture, and then snapped his fingers impatiently at Erwin, who stepped right up against Levi’s mare. The barrel of her belly heaved against his stomach. 

Levi fisted his hand in Erwin’s collar, tugging him upwards. Erwin was tall enough that Levi didn’t have to bend that much to kiss him, firm and warm.

“Dedicate your heart,” Levi whispered against his mouth, “or whatever.” 

“Or whatever,” Erwin echoed amusedly. 

They only came across one titan in their expedition. 

In the seconds after the titan had made itself known, Levi and Erwin met each other’s gazes. 

Erwin hesitated, his grip tightening on the reins of his horse, who kept thundering on in the same direction, though its ears swiveled at the sound of the booming footsteps. 

Levi’s little fast mare rolled her neck eagerly. Levi himself looked calm, patient, watching Erwin as he deliberated. 

Erwin thought of the shiny-tight skin on Levi’s back. He thought of the last expedition they had been on together, of him dragging a mussed Levi off his horse, Mike whispering to Hange in the courtyard. 

The titan was getting just close enough that the horses were starting to toss their heads, tails swishing as the ground shook. 

Levi still hadn’t gone. He was looking at Erwin with a kind of singularity that made Erwin nervous. If they had been touching, Erwin had no doubt that he would feel a fine tremor running through Levi’s body. 

“Go,” Erwin said with a poorly concealed grimace. 

Levi exhaled visibly, jerked the reins one-handedly, and took off towards the titan. 

He would kill it only a few minutes later, twisting in the air like a cat, the cables of his ODM gear snapping away from the titan’s steaming body like the crack of what Erwin could only describe as a leather-bound whip.