Chapter Text
"Oh, so you wanted me to come along anyways." You sat in the middle of the crowd of Phantom Thieves in your apartment, at your coffee table in the living room, dressed in casual clothing. "Now I feel a little embarrassed demanding to come along."
Ann waved her hands in deference. "I'm sure anyone would ask for that in your situation! Besides, it is kind of unexpected, so I don't blame you for asking."
"Right?" The smile in your eyes faded near instantly. "So I hope you guys understand if I ask as to why."
It was, admittedly, not really in your repertoire of social interactions to pull off what you had dubbed the "character in a manga suddenly turns cold in a very scary panel" act. But in this case it would be weird if you didn't pull a reversal of your usual friendly neighborhood big sister personality. This concerned more than just your pride; this concerned something you had hardly expected. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say you didn't want to acknowledge, but had remained something you remained aware of.
"Why we want you to come to your own palace...?" Futaba began, scratching her head. "Well, it's a bit of a long story. How much do you want to hear?"
"Well, I'll eventually ask about everything, so..." You smiled again, but none of it appeared genuine. Looking scary could finally be added to your repertoire, you dimly thought. "...just a simple summary will suffice."
The Phantom Thieves exchanged looks. "I guess I should go," Ann said, nodding to herself. "Okay, so...um, to keep it super short; basically, we met your shadow and she said to bring you."
That was very short. "Okay, maybe we skipped a little too much." You sighed, pressing your fingers to your temples. "Tell me about how you even found out I have a palace in the first place?" The words still felt alien to you. A palace. Your palace. Perhaps years in the making, and judging from the calling card they passed on to you, one with a singular cause.
"I can take over," Makoto said. Oh, good, they were delegating the role of exposition fairy around. Not that you could be moved from the chill that had frozen your heart and face in equal measure. "When we were over at your place after Futaba's palace and you stepped out for a call, we found a scrapbook of sorts."
You thought about it, and pressed your hand to your mouth. "Oh, I remember that now. You guys looked through that?"
"Yeah, it was all Ann's idea," Ryuji quickly said.
"What? Hey, it's not like you weren't interested either! Quit pushing all the blame on me!"
You sighed, shaking your head. "No, it's fine." You did rub your temple, trying to recall that specific day. "I left it there, so it's really not your fault. That being said, please do continue. What does the scrapbook have to do with—oh." Distinctly, you could recall the scrapbook was something personal. That was to say you had no qualms with writing whatever came to mind. That was, you directly name dropped everyone and everything towards the end of it.
"We, uh, saw an entry. I think the photograph was of your school? It was titled something like... Dark days are over, no more—"
"Dark Hours are over, no more Tartarus." You met Makoto's eyes, wry smile on your face. "Was that it?"
"Yes. That sounds about right." She nodded. "Futaba was asking about the MetaNav, so she had it open, and I guess we accidentally hit all the keywords, because it announced your palace."
You thought about it. "You know my name, I live in an apartment, and my cognition of the world is...Tartarus. Alright, I follow you there. So you just happened to coincidentally stumble upon this discovery."
"To be fair, none of us really expected it," Yusuke spoke up. "So that was why we left right away, to confirm its existence for ourselves."
You had been a little too stone-faced and cold-voiced, so you relented and smiled helplessly at them, dropping the scary act. "I know. I'm not mad or anything, it's just...surprising. And thank you guys, by the way, for sticking through with it. What happened afterwards?"
"Well..." Makoto cleared her throat. "We went in, got to the top of your palace, and met your shadow."
"And you said my shadow wanted me to come along?" Your hands cupped the mug you had temporarily stopped drinking out of, only to realize the tea had gone cold. You let go of the mug, looking away from your forlorn reflection in its surface.
"Yes. To be specific, she said that she wanted you to see your palace for yourself, and that you'd know what it meant. And to not bother looking for a route to the treasure, but that if we—as the Phantom Thieves—wanted a quick way up, then it'd be easier to just bring you along. And that you'd know why once we told you."
You did, in fact, have an inkling as to why. "It sounds like my shadow's pretty talkative."
"Not just pretty," Morgana insisted. "Really talkative. Makoto summarized it really well, but there was a lot of nuance, half of which I think we actually got."
"You know, that does sound like me." Your fingers tapped a rhythm along your mug. "Well, I'm still coming along, no doubt. I suppose the other obvious question is what the layout of my palace is."
"Oh, that's the easier part to explain." Futaba quickly perked up. "Your palace is this huge tower—which is really ironic considering the actual Tartarus from Greek mythology is the deepest part of the Underworld—and there's twenty-one floors total, the twenty-first being the rooftop. Every five floors matches with the layout of your SEES dormitory, I believe that's what it was, and the floors in-between are a mix of Gekkokan High School's layout and some weird dungeon crawling thing. Before every dorm floor is some sort of guardian shadow. Oh, and on the dorm floors there's always two people who match with members of SEES." Futaba grabbed her own glass of water and took a long chug. "Did I miss anything?"
"Your SEES cognitions have personas," Makoto added. "They're...pretty tough to fight."
"Oh, that's right." Yusuke nodded. "We tried the first two—the upperclassmen, though their names elude me—but they were so tough we decided to just avoid everyone else from SEES we came across. We did, however, have to fight one more member to get to the rooftop. The blonde one."
"Ah, you mean Aigis."
Yusuke made a noise of agreement. "Yes, that sounds familiar. It was then your shadow stopped the fight and we had the chance to talk to her. I don't suppose you'll offer further explanation for the personas?"
"It's...a long story." You kept it at that and moved on. "Well, it seems like you guys know a lot about me." You kept that same smile on your face, but something threatening lingered behind in your eyes. "In that case, my next question would be; how much do you know?" Yes, so what if you kept everyone at an arm's length away? So what if you confided in no one? You'd continue keeping yourself distant, your past shrouded behind layers and layers of walls you built between you and the Phantom Thieves. Only now, they threatened to shatter them and find the backstory you worked so hard to keep vague.
The Phantom Thieves exchanged glances once more. So they had been talking to each other in great lengths without you, to be able to come to a nonverbal agreement right in front of you. Good for them. "We got your school from your Wikipedia," Ryuji offered. "And then Futaba found information on the school and your club through, uh, you know. The web." Hacking.
You laughed a little, a little too stilted to be natural. "Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to report you guys or anything. Alright, so you found layouts of the school and the dormitory from Gekkokan's records. They kept a record of school clubs too, so that's how you know about SEES. Am I getting everything?"
"Yeah. We were able to match the people in your palace with people from your club." Ann looked a little apprehensive, but didn't they all? A herd of deer all caught in the headlights. "S-so we don't really know a lot, to be honest, and it wasn't like we wanted to look up any more than we had to... Because this is something we'd rather hear from you, so..."
"Is that so?" You paid little attention to her last few words. "I understand. I just have one more question in that case. How did you guys write the calling card?" Despair. Atonement. There was no way your shadow would admit to what the both of you knew, and there was no way it was that obvious to them, who had never even met Minato for themselves.
Finally, it was Akira's turn to bear the torch. "We put it together. There was one member of SEES we didn't see in your palace, whose student records we found specifically. The shadows of the members of SEES talked among themselves about him. And then your shadow implied a few things. Altogether, we came to the same conclusion."
"And Yamagishi also said something about how she was glad you had cheered up after someone's funeral, so..." Ann quickly raised her hands once she realized she had name dropped. "I mean, she didn't say who or anything! It just sort of fit together once we thought about it. Please don't be mad at her for that."
"Not to mention... I don't know if you remember, but that time after you delivered the calling card you said that we were similar," Futaba quickly added on. "And obviously we were right out of my palace, so it was easy to spot the same signs in yours. Is that all?"
"That's all." Each and every question you had was cleanly addressed, and not for the first time, you felt embarrassed. It was as if all of you, skeletons in the closet and dirty laundry, had been brought out and aired before them. And while they didn't know everything, hardly anything close to the full truth, they all knew enough. The looks of pity in their eyes said as much.
You didn't care if people felt pity for you or not. You didn't crave it, nor did you abhor it. But from them, it felt like you didn't deserve it. You had been through a lot, true, but not as much as other people. The parents that had made you an orphan you never knew in this lifetime. The toils of working through a school year fighting shadows and fighting a god had been greatly alleviated by your companions. And your dead boyfriend had plenty of people mourning his death, not to mention you weren't the dead one yourself.
But they looked sad for your sake. And some part of you liked it, liked having your pain acknowledged, but the greater part of you was terrified. This was your problem, your burden, and with the way things were, it would be forcibly taken from you just a few hours later. Luckily, you had plenty of practice in ignoring the problem.
"Okay. Why don't we just get to the palace now?"
"Are you sure?" They looked worried for your sake. They really shouldn't have been.
"Yeah, let's just get this over with." A smile. That was all you had to offer. "I've given you enough trouble with this already."
Ann shook her head. "It really isn't any trouble! We're friends, so of course we'd try to help with this."
Friends. "In that case, I should thank you guys. Anyways, I won't have to get dressed or anything, if my hunch is right."
After reassuring them one more time you were fine and had gotten enough sleep to lead them around your palace, Akira finally opened his phone and transported you all into your palace. You had expected it, but the sight still took your breath away and made your heart pound in conditioned nervousness all the same.
Looming above in the sky was a hideous tower, constructed from multiple structures jammed into one singular pillar, raising high into the sky where a large green moon hung in the sky. Tartarus. You didn't spend too much time looking, the sight long having been burned into your vision years and years ago.
You took your first few steps, casually walking into the tower as the Phantom Thieves rushed to follow you. "W-wait, shouldn't you stay behind—"
"Oh, don't worry," you told them, entering the first floor. Sure enough, Futaba had been right; just what you immediately saw was already a strange mix of Tartarus's floors blending in with Gekkokan High. Wandering around were shambling shadow students in porcelain masks, crossing between the tiled floors of Gekkokan and the distinctly familiar Block 1 floor. "I'm assuming you guys had a lot of trouble with these shadows? There are an awful lot."
"Yes, so that's why you should—"
Just to prove your theory, you quickly stepped out next to one of the shadow students. Before one of the Phantom Thieves could pull you back, the shadow quickly jumped back and fled from your presence, the other nearby shadows following. Wherever you walked, the shadows would run away from, and soon enough you located the stairs while the Phantom Thieves trailed behind you in wide eyed disbelief.
"How—" Ryuji began, looking between you, the stairs, and the empty hallways, clear of shadows.
"It's...a bit of a long story." For a moment, you considered telling them everything. It would make sense to, considering they had seen so much already. "Anyways, let's move on. You said there's twenty-one floors? It shouldn't take that long."
"Wait, wait." Ann tugged on your sleeve. "So they just...run away from you? Why? And don't say it's a long story again. You said that earlier, for the personas as well. I'm not going to force you to tell us everything, but...don't you think we should know at least a little?"
A little. There was no easy way to explain everything without getting into the whole of it. "Are you sure you want to know?" you asked instead, your little way of dragging the topic on. You really didn't expect every single person behind you to solemnly nod and voice their agreements.
"Of course we want to know," Ann continued. Behind you, the stairs to the second floor beckoned. It'd be simple to say no and move on, but the Phantom Thieves looked at you with pleading eyes. Not that you were horribly moved, having a heart made of stone, but the act still gave you pause nonetheless. "I mean, we are friends, aren't we? If it's too personal, you don't have to share, but..."
"...but because we're your friends, we want to share any burden you have," Makoto continued.
"Yeah! What they said! And 'sides, it's not like we know that much anyways, only the bare minimum. If you really don't like it, then we're not gonna force you for anythin'."
You threw one more look their way, before turning around to ascend the stairs. "You called us friends?" you lightly called, taking each step carefully, slowly. You didn't need to turn around to see if they were following you or not. With how far they had gone, just for you and your palace, you knew they'd be right behind you. Really, though, you had yet to decide if that was a good or bad thing.
"We are, aren't we?" Futaba asked, voice ringing from just a few steps below yours. "Or did you change your mind?"
"What is there to change?" you dismissively asked, reaching the second floor a little out of breath. The staircase felt far longer than the ones you had to ascend in the real Tartarus, but those had been the days where you were in the prime of your life, when you had the people you loved walking right besides you. "I mean, do we even count as friends? What's my favorite color, or my go-to milk tea order? What's my greatest fear? You don't even know who this palace is for in the first place. You don't know anything about him." For some reason, it was that part that they looked sort of...wronged? Guilty? Like they were acknowledging it wasn't true, which was a ridiculous thought you didn't know how you had arrived at. They shouldn't have known anything about him, just that he had died and left you with a ton of baggage.
The Phantom Thieves were staggered across the staircase, grim and hesitant looks on their faces. You realized a little too late your face had returned to the same stone-cold scary expression you had tried to wipe off earlier, so you turned away sharply. "See?" you said, but there was nothing sarcastic or mocking in your tone. It was only resigned, as if you had already expected this sort of tepid response. "Don't worry. If you'd like, feel free to leave my palace. I'll figure it out myself."
"Well, since we're the Phantom Thieves, we're still going to steal your heart no matter what," Makoto insisted. "Of course we're not going to leave you like this."
"Why not?" You tilted your head to the side, meeting Makoto's eyes for a moment. "You do realize you all know nothing about me, right? What can you even do?" You could see them wince before you turned back. Good. Pushing the people who cared about you away was always the right move in this sort of scenario. You couldn't bear letting them work themselves silly trying to resolve a palace that wasn't even part of the main storyline, and you couldn't bear letting them into your heart. So it was about time they realized how horrible you were, underneath the pretty façade of an adult.
You expected them to leave, seeing as they had nothing else to say. Instead, you heard more footsteps, and someone else's voice. "It's true we don't know anything about you, but that's because you don't tell us anything." Akira's voice was steadfast. "So tell us. Don't carry this by yourself."
When you turned around, it was to argue with him. Spit out a few more sharp words, drive the rest of them off, and go home to dream of the same dead boyfriend. But instead the thorns lodged themselves in your throat once Akira's eyes met yours, and he held eye contact. "What can you even do?" you repeated, but the words had long since lost its venom, and like a defanged snake you froze in place.
"For starters, we can figure it out together." Makoto had since lost that stunned look on her face, and slowly approached you, as if walking towards a wounded animal. "Will you tell us about everything?"
The last spirit of dissension seemed to finally leave your body, and you sighed, covering your eyes with your palm for a moment. "Fine, you guys win. I don't have any energy to argue anymore." They all looked at each other with wide eyes once more, as if they couldn't believe they had won you over, and you snorted. "What, why the surprised looks?"
"Oh, no, it's just...it's nothing!" Ann quickly explained. "But, please, tell us."
"Alright. Come with me. You said there's twenty-one floors? We'll have plenty of time along the way." Sure enough, once you took your first few steps they followed with you, falling into step beside you instead of in front of you, shooting the occasional look in your direction. "And I'm sorry, too, for lashing out like that."
This time, it was Yusuke who spoke. "To be perfectly honest, we expected that."
"...you did?"
"Er...yes. We are prying rather deep into your past. And although we don't have a whole picture of the situation, it doesn't change the fact you lost someone close to you." So a bunch of teenagers could be a lot more understanding than a good many adults you knew. Nothing new, but it still made something in your heart equally warm as it did cold.
"In that case, I really do owe you guys a backstory, huh?" You took a deep breath, and just like that, your third best kept secret came tumbling out. "I think the best thing to start with was what SEES stood for: specialized extracurricular execution squad. We specialized in using personas to take out shadows."
"Personas. Personas? You guys used personas?" Ryuji was the first to crack and stop straight in his tracks, his hands half thrown out as if he was trying to make a grand gesture. "For real? So all the people we saw with personas actually...had one? And we're not the only ones?"
"Wasn't it obvious?" Futaba asked. Ryuji shook his head.
"Uh...no? I just thought they were there to, I dunno, guard the floors or whatever!"
Before they could get into a squabble and interrupt your monologue, you dove right back into speaking. "All the members of SEES had a persona. Including Ken, the eleven-year-old, Koromaru, the dog, and...me." Saying it out loud really did feel like a weight off your chest. For so long you had kept it hidden, and one part of you had wished for a more climactic moment to reveal it, but this would have to do.
"But then..." You led them up the next set of stairs as Futaba continued speaking. "So you guys were another group... That doesn't explain this Tartarus, or why you had the personas in the first place. Was there a reason behind yours? If we figure it out, that might explain why we, the Phantom Thieves, have ours."
"I don't have that kind of answer for you," you replied. "But I can tell you why we had ours and what happened. As SEES, we were tasked with clearing the shadows in Tartarus floor by floor, until we reached the top. Tartarus, then, was a giant tower that took over Gekkokan High during the dark hour, a twenty-fifth hour that happened after midnight every day. During the dark hour, shadows would roam around, and those without personas became...coffins, basically."
"Tartarus..." Ann was quick on the uptake. "Wait, so you're saying your palace is—"
"—is the same Tartarus as the one from my days in SEES, yes. With the added addition of Gekkokan and the Iwatodai dorms." Another set of stairs passed under your feet. "The reason why the shadows run from me is because once we reached the top of Tartarus, we were all much more powerful than the shadows. Think of it like...leveling up, and once you're past a certain threshold mobs won't bother approaching you."
"Makes sense." Futaba nodded. "And you don't have your persona now, because of this palace. But who did you have?"
"Chang'e, Chinese goddess of the moon." With every truth you offered up, the smaller the walls around you felt. "If there's time, I'll tell you guys about her. For now, you guys should focus on taking care of the floor boss."
"Roger that!" At least they were energetic. It took a bit of effort on their part, but they cleared it out soon enough, and you led them up the stairs and into the first floor of Iwatodai dorms.
The sight was nostalgic. The place was lit with warm lights, and at the couches in the very front by the entrance sat Mitsuru and Akihiko, speaking to each other as they flipped through their respective choices of literature. "We should go hide," Ann said.
"What do you have to fear?" you replied, and before she could respond, you walked up to the senpai and waved. "Hey, I'm back."
They set down their things, turning to greet you with twin smiles. They were a perfect match to their high school selves, with the only change being their yellow irises betraying their perfect guise. "Welcome back. Weren't you with Minato?"
"I stepped out for some air," you replied, lying to them easy as could be. "By the way, I brought some friends." You beckoned for the Phantom Thieves to step forward, and they cautiously did, no doubt remembering their last ass-kicking.
"Wow, you sure are popular." Of course, now that you were here no fight was necessary. "Alright, we won't hold you back for much longer."
"Thanks. I'll see you guys later!" you waved again, before walking down the hall and to the staircase. Behind you, your ragtag team broke into a sprint to follow behind you, casting doubtful glances behind them once in a while. "See? That's probably what my shadow meant."
"That really worked," Ann managed, eyes wide before she quickly reverted back to her bright grin. "Anyways! You owe us the whole story. Since you guys were a persona group as well, there's got to be some more you haven't told us yet, right?"
"Good instincts." You nodded at her words. "I was a second year at the time, transferring into Gekkokan. I had to live at the dorms, of course, because my parents had long since been dead—don't look at me like that, you already knew about this—and on the train ride there, I met someone. Arisato Minato, though you might know him as the one who died. When we arrived, the sky was this eerie shade of green..."
You spoke and spoke, describing your escapades as briefly as you could, without missing the key details. At the second floor of the Iwatodai dorms were Ken and Koromaru, who were both just as surprised and happy to see you and your posse of teens. Before reaching the third floor, you had eventually reached your juicy little confession to Minato and how the two of you had been dating up until his death.
They obviously understood the implications behind that. It wasn't a close friend whose death you mourned, but that of a significant other's. Ann's face paled exceptionally so. "Are you telling me," she stammered, "that time in Madarame's palace, when I asked about your boyfriend..."
"Hm? Oh! Yes, I was talking about him." Ann cupped a hand to her mouth in horror.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry, I really shouldn't have—"
"You didn't know," you gently told her. "And in your defense, I didn't think I'd ever tell you."
"Even so..." You shook your head.
"Come on, none of that. I've already had six years to make peace with it, so..." Thankfully, no one pointed out the irony in your words. Why would you have a palace dedicated to his death if you had already made peace with his death? It was a sweet, unbelievable lie you fed to her, but out of courtesy she swallowed it down anyways.
You had your fair share of issues you still needed to work through, but it felt nice telling them about someone so important to you. The silly little martyr had left nothing behind but his profound impact on others, which was impactful in its own way, but it just didn't feel enough to you. Up ahead, you entered the third floor of the Iwatodai dormitory, catching a glimpse of Fuuka and Shinjiro.
"Welcome back," Fuuka said, once you stepped into her range of sight. Shinjiro grunted in affirmation, and even though you knew you could talk to them any time, the sight of them burned nostalgia right into your mind. High school was ages away, a time you never thought you'd be able to revisit now.
Behind you, Ryuji tapped your shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"
This was all in the past. You needed to acknowledge that everything you saw was something cooked up by your mind in representation of your greatest regrets—but you didn't want to. "I'm fine," you replied steadily, maintaining your eye contact with Fuuka and Shinjiro. "Let's...move on."