Chapter Text
It was puppy love in the beginning. Nothing was ever the same as that. A first love always burned a hole into your heart. Even once they've crossed you and tore down everything you thought you were, there will always be a rushing of heat to your cheeks when you think of them. Your heart will always pick up and tingle at the thought of them. This always happens. Even when you're not their first, even if you're not their only. Their kisses will still be as sweet when you remember them on your tongue. You'll always know what their body felt like against yours. You'll always remember the secret spots where they liked to be bitten or kissed or touched. You'll try those places on others and it won't elicit the same reaction and you'll be disappointed for a brief instant that they're not them. And you'll miss them more than you feel is right.
But real love won't feel like that. Real love won't drive you crazy. Real love won't leave a draining ache in your heart like a hard drug. Real love will feel so much lighter and kinder. You can still have heat and passion and excitement but you won't go through withdrawals. You'll know when they're not beside you that they're faithful. You'll know when they're away they're only gone for a moment. You'll have confidence, you'll be secured. They'll make sure of it. They'll make sure you know you're worthy of love and life. They won't leave you starving and lonely.
Qrow didn't know the difference, not many people do when they're young.
Ozpin had called them into his office and team STRQ gathered unceremoniously. It wasn't unusual at this point for them to be brought in. Nothing had been dire before, so Qrow wandered into his office late and almost too hazy for someone just below the drinking age.
Everyone's eyes were on him the moment the grand double doors of the office burst open. "What's the sitch, Oz? There Grimm by the border again? We gotta tell those construction-"
Qrow stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes fell on a tall, imposing man standing beside Ozpin's desk. The sun was blocked out by him, casting him nearly all in shadow. With a few blinks, Qrow's vision adjusted and he could see vibrant blue eyes and a gentle smile.
"W-What'd I miss?"
Raven groaned while Summer and Tai just continued to stare at him. Normally, he'd relish the attention, no matter how negative. But then he noticed the stranger's smile grow and could see him chuckle under his breath. Suddenly Qrow only wanted his attention. He never wanted those eyes to look away from him.
Ozpin stood from his seat behind his desk. "You were about to miss a very important introduction." He made his way over to the stranger and placed a hand on his shoulder. "This is James Ironwood, the new headmaster of Atlas academy. And ever since the great war and the ascension of Atlas, all headmasters are vetted in such a way that would be conducive to… being beneficial to our little team." They exchanged a look, Ironwood and Ozpin. Qrow's stomach flipped when James looked away from him.
"As the newest member, I just want to say that I look forward to working with you all," James said, bowing slightly at the waist. He scanned the members of STRQ, gaze finally landing back on Qrow.
"James, this is our best and brightest here at Beacon," Ozpin raised his hand to present the four. "Team STRQ. Summer Rose, Taiyang Xiao Long, and Raven and Qrow Branwen."
That was the issue with being a twin, you were always one word. And Qrow wanted nothing more than to be singular in that moment. He wanted to be alone under James Ironwood's gaze. He wanted the world to fall away so he could do whatever he pleased.
The only thing that could bring him back was Ozpin's voice cutting through his fog. That was something Oz was very good at.
"I hope you find solace in each other, something has to be said for having friends in high places." He said, turning to James. " And if you ever need anyone on the ground here in Vale, do not hesitate to ask."
James scanned the four of them, settling in a spot right between the twins. "And I'll be sure to assist you all in any instant within my jurisdiction."
Summer's hand immediately shot up and James turned his attention to her. Qrow locked his jaw in a pout, he didn't appreciate Summer being the first to speak directly to James.
"Yes, Summer, was it?" James questioned. I want him to say my name, Qrow thought.
"That's me! I, uh, had a question, about uh, tech?" She was playing coy and Qrow couldn’t decide if it was for James or the technology he could bring to the table. "Does this mean we get access to state-of-the-art weapon material from Atlas?!" There was a sparkle in her silver eyes as she spoke. It was definitely about the tech.
James chuckled with his shoulders, something light and airy. Qrow wondered how someone so imposing could be so light-hearted. "If that's something you'd like access to, I think I can pull some strings."
Summer let out an ear-bleeding screech that only made James flinch, everyone else was used to it. "Thankyousomuchjames- I mean general- I mean general Ironwood sir." Summer slapped into a salute that fell flat once she realized how ridiculous she looked.
James' small smile cracked open on his face, giving way to a dazzling smile. Qrow's anger burned laced with envy. He wanted to make him smile like that. "No, that's alright. My friends call me James," he turned his gaze to Qrow and there was a softness that wasn't there before. "And I consider all of you to be my friends."
Qrow felt like his entire body was on fire when James looked at him. It was hard for him to breathe, it was hard for him to pretend like he was alright. He felt so irrational at that moment. He wasn't doing enough to get his attention, he was doing too much already. When really all he could do was stare at this man.
"Well, that seems like a good enough end," Ozpin said, taking his seat behind his desk. "I'm sorry to bother you all with a trivial meeting when there's work to be done. You're all dismissed."
Team STRQ turned for the door. "Oh and Qrow, a word, privately."
Qrow spun around in time to see James walking past, still towering above him, still catching his eye. James stayed facing forward, Qrow watched him leave.
"Qrow," Ozpin said, voice more stern than normal. Qrow straightened up like a good little soldier. "You do realize you're not a functional alcoholic, don't you?"
Qrow snorted. "I don't know what you-"
Ozpin held up a single hand to silence him. Qrow was still too young to talk back to Ozpin, they weren't friends. Qrow was a follower, he didn't see himself as anything more. "What if this was more important, Qrow? What then?"
"I wouldn't-"
"You wouldn't sneak flasks onto missions? Bottles into your dorm? Do you remember your last sober day?" Ozpin looked at him then with his impossibly dark eyes. He thought Qrow might break under that stare. Instead, Ozpin sighed and looked down.
They sat in that silence for so long. Qrow felt his vision begin to clear. I need a drink , he thought.
Ozpin stood then making his way to Qrow and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Pain is worth bearing, Qrow. I know the world feels new and fresh with its pain but it's worth it. I know I'm callused and old but I wouldn't be as I am if I hadn't felt my heart fall apart, if I hadn't made peace with everyone I lost. I want you to grow stronger, not just in body, but in mind as well."
Qrow wished he could take what Ozpin said to heart, but what did he know? He was immortal. Life must seem so trivial to someone who had so much time . He probably stopped caring about the lives sacrificed to him and his cause. He had to. Qrow couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel every single one of them, to be in mourning indefinitely.
"Yeah," was all he could say to Ozpin as he pulled his shoulder out from under his grip. "Thanks."
Qrow turned his back on Ozpin, silently pressing the door closed behind him. He didn't think this time. His head just pounded and his throat was dry. He was annoyingly sober and needed a whiskey to settle his stomach.
In the hallway, he saw his team making their way to their dorm with James trailing behind. He was several steps behind and took small strides like he was waiting and biding his time. Qrow could hear Tai talking about how he could never go to Atlas, too cold for him. Whatever they were doing, Qrow was grateful they weren't gone. He jogged to them to catch up.
When he met them, James turned to him and smiled. "Hey, uh," Qrow stammered, completely cutting off his teammate. "Have you been to Vale before? Or is this your first time?"
"I believe one of the Vital festivals during my school years was here in Vale. But that was the only time, about ten years ago." He said.
Qrow let out a laugh that he tried so hard to be casual, except he only succeeded in exposing himself more. He was never good at subtly. " Ten years ago? Half the shit in town is less than five. Why don't we-" Qrow saw in the corner of his eye Raven shaking her head, Summer waving her arms in a sharp 'no' back and forth, and Tai avoiding eye contact at all costs. "Why don't I take you out, show you around?"
The team stopped their protests the moment James looked away from Qrow. "Would you all like to join us? I'm sure you all have a favorite place here in Vale."
"No," Raven said, taking Tai by the arm and dragging him away.
Summer's eye darted between the two pairs in front of her. "And I have to do something, uh, not here- Oh! I have a special assignment from Ozpin that I have to do. I'll see you guys later!" She ran in the same direction as the other two.
"Well," James said, and Qrow could feel the heat rising in his cheeks as all his attention fell to him. "It looks like you are my personal liaison for the night, Qrow."
Qrow's spine lit up as James said his name, gentle with a tiny bit of mischief that also played around in his eyes. Qrow felt himself plummet into a state he's never quite been in before. He was alone, with James, and it felt like he had just stepped off a cliff and couldn't right himself. He was free-falling, and he would be, he couldn't see the ground.
There was a place on the edge of the city of Vale, that was nice enough to be considered a pub with an ocean view and a deck lit by minuscule dust crystals but had a staunch policy on students drinking. If they were old enough to sign their life away to fight monsters, they were old enough to have a mixed drink. It was more expensive than the dives that just served whoever, but Qrow wasn't thinking of price at that moment. He was with the Headmaster of Atlas, he could certainly afford it.
The sea was quiet for them, just humming a gentle pulse in the background of them. Even if there was a silence, they wouldn't have noticed. The crystals cast them in shadows, only making them glow for the other. Qrow was lost to the world outside of James, their conversation, and the smooth whiskey that kept refilling itself.
"So how did you scrape your way to headmaster?" Qrow asked, taking note of James' smooth skin and strong shoulders. "Don't they normally get the biggest, oldest huntsman in each kingdom to sit at the top of it all?"
James laughed into his glass, taking a sip of the honey-colored liquid. Qrow wondered how many he's had so far. "Well… it seems this job is different from all others, in need of people trustworthy enough to keep secrets. And I don't think having to explain the threat to the world every ten years is very sustainable… " James looked at his drink and wished there was something that burned more than this. " My predecessor, my mentor… he picked me out of the roster when I first enrolled in Atlas Academy… I was strong with a good grip on my semblance and I followed my orders to a T… I was his right hand since I graduated. When he retired he offered me to the council and Ozpin both and, well, here I am."
There was a humbled look on his face, like he was embarrassed about being so impressive. He wanted to say it was no big deal, that there had been younger headmasters, there were other, better candidates. But no, there wasn't, and he was not going to lie to Qrow.
"He told me once that loyalty always mattered," there was a far-off look on his face as he got lost between his ice. "He told me he had plans for me, that there would be a reward for my loyalty one day. Is this it? The drowning responsibility of all of Remnant?"
Qrow snickered, he didn't mean to laugh but it just came out. Maybe it was because he had his crisis of faith already, it was funny to watch others go through it. "Are you always this philosophical when you're drunk?"
James hummed, watching Qrow's face light up as he laughed. His smile broke open his face and his eyes held so much joy. "Not every time I get drunk is after a world-shattering week," he said, still talking over laughter. "Yes, because I'm sure you handled this perfectly. You always knew magic and maidens and a master of Grimm are real!"
Qrow laughed harder, trying to turn it into a shhhing noise. " You're getting loud, James." Qrow had gotten closer then, his voice hushed.
There was something in his stomach that wanted to make Qrow laugh harder. But he knew his place. "Well maybe the people deserve to know," he continued in his own whisper, leaning into the space they had just made for themselves.
Qrow was grinning when he said "People don't deserve to know. They don't deserve magic. I don't think I even deserve it. It feels too good- " he was about to close the gap between them, Qrow was about to get everything he wanted. He could feel James' breath against his lips.
And then James inched back. He didn't leave their private whispering space but he was out of reach when Qrow leaned in to kiss him. He blinked up at James, disoriented and confused. When he looked up, James had a curious eyebrow raised.
"What do you mean?"
Qrow's heart stopped. What did he just say? He was never one to spill secrets just because he was drunk. But James was a part of this now, right? He was going to know eventually, right? Might as well be tonight. And Qrow really wanted this.
"Oz… I've got a little parlor trick thanks to Oz," Qrow said, his voice was lower than before, softer so James had to come closer. Qrow craned his neck to reach James' ear. "Take me back to your room if you want to see it."
The lien hit the table before Qrow could finish. James' seat was thrown back, and he had grabbed Qrow's hand. At first, it was a tugging grip, something sturdy to pull him along. Then, it somehow dissolved into a delicate leading, Qrow didn't fall behind and James didn't drag, it was something so dangerously close to being sentimental.
Ozpin or Atlas had set James up in one of the nicest places Qrow had ever been to. The entrance floor was a crisp red carpet with a lobby full of chairs with chattering people. Crystal chandeliers twirled in the light, connected to an endless ceiling. Qrow didn't have a mind to admire everything, his eyes were focused on one thing.
They had to share an elevator with another couple. They spoke to each other while James and Qrow tried to stay as quiet as possible. Qrow held his breath, in fear it'd sound too heavy, his heart was already beating too quickly.
It was the top floor, because of course it was, and as soon as the doors opened, James was leading Qrow again. His room was in a secluded corner of the hotel, he practically threw Qrow in as soon as he got the door open.
The room was made up of mostly windows. It was a suite with a kitchen and its own lounge. Qrow was backlit against the city, all the colorful lights mixed in with the pale moonlight. James paused for a moment, Qrow could see the heaving of his chest.
And then James was on him, so wholly it took him off guard. Qrow was not a small man, he was used to his partners being the same size if not smaller than himself. But James encompassed him, his gloved hands cupping Qrow's face to pull him upward as he curled down to kiss him. James was pulling him as close as possible, though nothing seemed to be close enough.
Qrow started yanking at James' clothes, there was something so wrong about combat gear in the sense that there are too many layers with too many buttons making it almost impossible to get off in a hurry. As he fumbled, James was trailing him to the bedroom. His movements were deft and careful even backwards.
By the time the back of James' legs hit the footboard, Qrow had managed to get his coat, gloves, and at least one undershirt off. His burning fingers got under the last shirt and at last, he felt the smooth flawless stretch of skin that he had been dying to get ahold of. Qrow didn't even take the shirt off at first, he just simply pushed his hands wherever they could go, feeling every defined muscle and bump on his chest.
A strangled noise came from James' throat as he took hold of his shirt and threw it over his head. I was getting to that, Qrow thought. He couldn't say anything though, his brain short-circuited at the sight of James' broad and perfect chest. He would have sat there and stared for so much longer if James hadn't taken hold of him again. Qrow felt so nestled whenever James would kiss him like that, holding his face in the crux of him.
James allowed himself to fall backward onto the bed, bringing Qrow down with him. James was firm underneath him, he had never laid so comfortably on someone before. Qrow seemed to fit perfectly on his chest. It felt odd, it felt new, it felt good .
Qrow slowly moved himself so he'd be straddling James' waist. He pulled himself away from James for just a moment to take off his own top layers. As he worked, James' hands found his hips and pressed circles into them impatiently. Qrow knew he could fit his whole body's width in his hands and it only made Qrow try to go faster, fumbling with the buttons due to his excitement.
"Fucking- tight ass buttons!"
Without warning, James let out a low growl. It was a strangled, frustrated noise. Suddenly the pressure was off of Qrow's waist, and he found James' hands at his own chest, tucking his fingers on each end of Qrow's button-up. He didn't even register what was happening until his reinforced combat layers were torn in half by the man under him. Everything inside him jumped even if he did say,
"I-I think I needed that."
"You'll borrow one of mine," James said in a tone and a voice that made Qrow freeze again. James reached up to the back of Qrow's neck and pulled him back down. He didn't have to think, tomorrow will be tomorrow if they just have tonight. Qrow could do that, he could go through these motions without a thought of what might be. Right now was the only thing that mattered.
Qrow's hands trailed their way across James' abdomen, he played with the hair right above his waistband, then to the waistband itself. He tucked his fingers underneath, not bothering to go layer by layer. James' skin was ablaze and Qrow was dying to get to the source. His hand had just hooked onto the cool metal of his left hip to keep him stable when James pulled away.
"Q-Qrow," James rumbled and Qrow lit up once again, leaning down to his neck, to his Adam’s apple, and bit down lightly. He'd start off light, but Qrow had plans for the column of smooth porcelain. "Qrow."
James was so stern, Qrow sat up and looked down at him. He just blinked, unable to ask any questions, dazed and confused once again.
There was always a small popping on Qrow's tongue, a metallic taste of blood or copper, when his semblance gave him a small spout of bad luck, so he'd always know it was there. He normally didn’t taste it against the sting of a cheap whiskey. But it was more bitter against the skin of a lover.
"Were you…" James' face was red under him, stammering, stuttering. Qrow would think so with his hand- "Were you serious before? About that parlor trick? Or did you just say that to get me here?"
Qrow blinked and had to shake his head a little. "Are we seriously doing this right now?"
"It's, uh," James coughed and Qrow could feel it everywhere. "It's very important for me to know. Before we… before we continue."
Qrow groaned and wondered how much bad luck he could bring himself while his guard was down. "I wasn't lyin' before… Oz… he… he has magic, ya know? And he… gave us some."
"Us?"
Qrow retracted himself completely and raised his hands in the air. "Look, General, if you wanted to ask about Oz you didn't have to go this far-" he was getting up and turning away when James' hands shot up to take his hands again. He brought them down in front of Qrow, laying them on his stomach.
"Forget it," James said. "I allowed myself to get distracted. I-" James thought carefully about his next words. " This is what I wanted out of this. I didn't come with you to ask you about Ozpin. I came with you to… to be with you."
Qrow felt like his chest was going to collapse in on itself. His bones felt hollow, if James wasn't gripping his hands so tight, he'd float away. James was so close to "I want you ". Maybe it was a good thing he didn't say it. If he didn't say it like that, if he never found the words, then maybe they couldn't be cursed. Maybe his semblance wouldn't tear them apart. He never wondered if his semblance could play a long con.
"Okay."