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For the first time since Arthur could remember, he woke up peacefully and felt well rested. A small stream of sunlight had snuck in through a crack in his curtains and managed to creep up over his eyes. Yes… he could barely remember the last time he got this much sleep and felt this good. He bolted upright. Something must be wrong. It took a moment's contemplation before it dawned on him.
Merlin.
He was late.
With this realization, Arthur huffed and fell backward on the bed staring straight up. He waited a few more minutes before growing tired and rolled out of bed. He made sure to pick up one of the extra blankets and dump it on the floor for Merlin to grab when he showed up. Contrary to popular belief, Arthur could get himself dressed, thank you very much. He opened his drawers and began to shift through his clothes, bunching up tunics he wasn’t in the mood to wear. Merlin could refold them later. Finally, Arthur’s fingers brushed the soft fabric he was looking for and he pulled on it, pleased. Well as pleased as he could be without his servant here to do his god damned job.
The tunic he had selected was Pendragon red. It had been a while since Merlin had picked it out for him to wear and Arthur had missed it. Arthur quickly slipped it on and attempted to button it up. After a few failed tries he sat on the edge of his bed and fumbled with the button holes, deep in concentration. Arthur curled up his lip. His fingers kept slipping over the slick buttons before he could force them through.
It took a lot of huffing and thinly veiled frustration, but Arthur finally managed to get his shirt buttoned and a pair of pants on. He ran his hands over his face and scowled over Merlin’s absence. He would never admit it out loud but a part of him was worried. If he had been dressed previously, Arthur would already be knocking at Gaius’ door with an eyebrow raised, demanding Gaius send Merlin to him for an immediate scolding. However, getting dressed had taken longer than he would have liked and now his annoyance was sure to be showing on his face, any chance of hiding that irritation was gone.
So, he stomped to the Court Physician’s and stopped just short of the door. He glared at it, as if it were to blame for Merlin’s absence. As if the piece of wood was keeping Merlin from him somehow. Arthur licked his lips, blew out his cheeks and knocked on the door twice before pushing it open.
As he suspected, Gaius was bent over the table mixing some concoction together that Arthur could care less about. “I’ll be with you in just a minute-” Gaius’s eyes flicked upward and he straightened his mouth in a thin line. “Ah, your highness. I take it you’re here for Merlin?”
Arthur pretended to ignore Gaius’s eyes flicking over him. “Yes. Where is that insolent moron?” Arthur asked, tucking his arms behind his back in an attempt to be regal. He wasn’t entirely sure why they had to dance around each other anymore, Gaius was practically family at this point. Where Uther might have no trouble sacking Gaius when he gets deemed to old to work, Arthur would keep him around forever if he could. The Court Physician had seen and comforted Arthur at his worst, and had been there for Arthur often when he was a child. Not only that, Gaius was the closest thing Merlin had to a father. Merlin had told Arthur this on several accounts and Arthur secretly loved to listen to Merlin prattle on about the Court Physician. When he talked of Gaius, Merlin’s face would light up, and he’d often roll his eyes, pretending to be put out by all of the tasks the old man set out before him. But Merlin was fond of Gaius, and Arthur liked seeing Merlin smile when he talked about the old man.
Gaius took a deep breath. “Another late night at the tavern, Sire.” Neither of them believed the lie. Arthur had found out pretty quickly that Merlin didn’t spend his nights away from Arthur at the tavern. One night in a stupid attempt to impress his servant, Arthur had snuck a bottle of expensive wine from the kitchens for them to share. The pair had been laying in the grass outside of the castle staring at the sky and Merlin had gotten drunk off of it quickly. Arthur wasn’t a heavy drinker, but even he hadn’t been more than a little tipsy after a few glasses.
Still, Arthur played along with Gaius’ excuse. “Well. I’d better go and get him.” Arthur said and began his confident stride toward Merlin’s room. He knocked on the door in loud quick processions. “ Mer lin! Wake up!” He continued knocking even as he heard a loud thump and then the door was pulled open.
Arthur opened his mouth to scold Merlin but paused. His servant looked awful. Merlin had dark purple bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess. He’d clearly just been sleeping… but not well.
“What are you doing?” Arthur asked, barreling on anyway. It was better this way. “I had to get dressed myself this morning!” The Prince of Camelot complained loudly. However, he kept an eye on Merlin’s face, searching for any other signs of discomfort. Maybe it had just been an unusually long night.
Merlin smiled a tiny smile and reached for Arthur. “Yes, I can tell.” Arthur watched as his servant undid and rebuttoned the shirt, all the while Arthur tried not to blush out of frustration. Yes, maybe he had missed a few button holes and maybe they weren’t lined up straight but he had tried his best. Merlin leaned back out of his space with a small but pleased smile.
“Spend any more nights at the Tavern and you just might out drink Gwaine.” Arthur huffed, pushing past Merlin and out of his room. When he didn’t follow, Arthur shouted. “Merlin!” His irresponsable servant’s name bounced off the walls in annoyance.
During the entire duration of training with his knights Arthur couldn’t help but glance at Gwaine. When he was taking his breaks, he was leaning against the wall next to Merlin. Arthur had always hated how touchy Gwaine was with Merlin. He would often slap Arthur’s servant’s shoulder and reach for him. Today, Gwaine even went so far as to throw his arms around Merlin and laugh at whatever Merlin had said.
Arthur pushed himself during practice, trying to burn up his angry energy before he took it out on someone verbally later. After a particularly hard hit, Elyan stumbled back.
“Are you feeling alright today, Sire?” Elyan asked carefully. “It seems like something is on your mind.”
Arthur was more careful after that. “... Just a bit of stress is all, Elyan. Nothing to trouble yourself with.” Arthur was grateful for his knights. They always had his back and looked out for each other, even if they could get on each other’s nerves. Like what was happening right now. Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur had caught two of his knights duking it out.
Arthur paused, signalling for Elyan that they were done. Elyan dropped onto his back in the grass, glad to be done taking the brunt of Arthur’s frustration.
Arthur turned his attention to where Percival and Leon were shoving each other. He sighed, his long day was just getting longer. He broke up the petty fight while ignoring the delighted laugh Gwaine had pulled from Merlin.
It was two days later, while Arthur was sorting papers on his desk, that Merlin let his exhaustion slip. It was late afternoon and Merlin had been running different medicines for Gaius around the castle all day.
Merlin pulled a chair out at Arthur’s table and sat down in it with a tired sigh. “I’ve finally finished with Gaius for the day… What horrible tasks do you have waiting for me here?” He joked.
Arthur looked up, ignoring the swoop in his stomach that he got from Merlin’s attention. “Well, now that you mention it-”
Merlin groaned and slunk down in the chair he was sitting in. Arthur rested his chin on his folded hands and watched Merlin carefully. He still looked exhausted. “Merlin.” He said softly.
Merlin rolled his head toward Arthur, no doubt awaiting the impossibly long list of tasks Arthur could set up for him. Instead, Arthur hummed under his breath. “Did you not sleep well last night?” He asked.
Merlin considered him with caution, likely looking for a catch. “No. It’s like Gaius said… I was at the tavern.” It was a weak argument, made even weaker by Merlin’s tone of voice and the fact he couldn’t look Arthur in the eye. Frankly, he looked miserable.
“Merlin.” Arthur said, again. Merlin carefully met his gaze. “Not that it matters but… were you really at the tavern last night?” Arthur asked in a whisper.
Merlin looked away for a split second, saying, “I hate it when I lie to you.”
“As do I. You know you can trust me, right Merlin? I won’t laugh. I promise.” Arthur slouched forward in his chair more.
“Well... It’s not that I think you’d laugh.” Merlin huffed. “You definitely wouldn’t.” He added under his breath.
Arthur didn’t like that answer. So he pouted and said, “Were you with Gwaine?” He immediately regretted the turn in conversation, realizing now that he would have to actually talk about this.
Merlin cracked a smile and Arthur relaxed despite his embarrassment, there it was. “Jealous are we?”
“No. I just don’t see why he should get all of your attention when you’re my servant and not his.” Arthur rushed out.
Merlin wasn’t smiling anymore. Arthur felt the pit of his stomach hollow out. So it was Gwaine? For the first time since he could remember, Arthur felt inadequate. Was it Gwaine’s long dark hair? Arthur had always kept his light blond hair cut short. Arthur had been tough on Merlin lately, maybe it was because Gwaine was more easy going than Arthur? Maybe Gwaine-
“No… you wouldn’t like what I had to say at all.” Merlin said, staring at the floor.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s your business. I just… You looked so tired today and now you look absolutley miserable.”
Merlin quirked his eyebrows in defeat. “That’s not exactly wrong… Maybe I’ll tell you another day.”
Arthur accepted the answer with what he hoped was an encouraging smile, but deep down he couldn’t help but be upset that Merlin didn’t feel he could trust him. Arthur dismissed Merlin for the day telling him to get some rest and when Merlin started to protest, Arthur hardened his stare. “Would you rather muck out the stables?” He knew it was Merlin’s least favorite chore, and it sent Merlin running for his rooms.
Little did Arthur know that another day would come to fruition just a few short weeks later, when Merlin’s secret was no longer the forefront of the young prince’s attention.
It started with a hunting trip, as everything between them always seemed to. They had just finished setting up camp and Merlin was making dinner over a fire. Arthur had perched himself on a log and watched as Merlin stirred their food in a continuous circle, giving it careful attention so as not to burn it. Arthur had his lip tucked between his teeth, absentmindedly watching the spoon go around and around and around- a low growl caught Arthur’s attention. Merlin had heard it too, and stopped stirring to stare at Arthur.
“Was that you?” Merlin asked hopefully.
Arthur scowled at him and stood up slowly, reaching for his sword.
He was too slow.
Arthur felt a pain on his chest and next thing he knew he was lying on his back with a huge beast in his face. It was covered in ugly brown scales and had a mouth much bigger than Arthur’s head which Arthur was very focused on with it being right in his face . It’s huge claws were pinning him to the ground. And then suddenly, just as quick as it had come, the beast was climbing off Arthur. And that was because Merlin had begun throwing rocks at it. Arthur wanted to yell at him for being stupid, but the distraction gave Arthur enough time to reach his sword. Arthur ran at the beast and raised his sword over his head. He would make this quick- or so he thought.
Arthur plunged his sword into the beast’s back and he ripped it back out. The beast flailed wildly, and Arthur watched in horror as it healed itself back up before his eyes. He gulped and took a step back, already running different scenarios through his head where he could try to fix this. The beast was chasing him again and unfortunately for the future King of Camelot, it was much faster than Arthur. He’d managed to lead the thing a good distance from the camp before it had knocked him over again claws holding down Arthur’s arms. And this time, no amount of rock throwing was going to get it off of Arthur.
“Merlin run! Run for your life and don’t you dare look back!” Arthur cried out, closing his eyes. He’d lived a good and privileged life. After today, there would be no more. No more teasing from Morgana, no more shared meals with his father, no more joking around with his knights. And no more smiles from Merlin… Arthur had resigned to his fate, he was smart and realistic. He knew when he was beat, and there was no way he was going to get out of this. But suddenly, against all odds, the weight of the beast was gone and Arthur opened his eyes to see it floating in the air. Arthur felt the breath leave his lungs. It did not have wings… S o how was it flying? Then, the beast set on fire, and let out the ugliest guttural scream Arthur had ever heard.
Arthur rolled from under it and jumped up, dazed and head spinning. That’s when he saw Merlin. Merlin with his gold eyes. His arm stretched out, focused on the beast and mumbling under his breath. His eyes stayed gold until nothing remained of the beast but ashes blowing away in the wind. The realization knocked the wind out of Arthur, much like the beast had done. He crawled backward away from Merlin until his back hit a tree. That was when Merlin’s attention turned back to him. Arthur couldn’t look away. The mesmerizing gold melted from his eyes back into the beautiful dark brown he was used to.
“Arthur-”
“Shut up!” Arthur snapped anxiously, his hands trembling. A prince shouldn’t tremble. “Just shut up for a second. Let’s-Let’s go back to camp.’ He swallowed. At least Merlin had had the sense to sound guilty when he agreed.
They reached the camp quietly, and Arthur returned to his seat on the log. The dinner was burnt, but it’s not like either of them had an appetite now. They sat in silence for a long time, as Arthur tried to sort his thoughts and Merlin stared guiltily at the ground.
Good! He should. He lied to you! His brain tried to reason. Although Arthur knew logically he shouldn’t, he felt bad for Merlin and everything he’d had to hide. Arthur ran his hands through his hair and nodded a few times. “You have magic.” He stated plainly. Best to get this over with.
Merlin hung his head. “Yes, sire.”
Arthur flinched at the title. “Don’t Sire me Merlin. Now is not the time for formalities. This is a serious conversation between the two of us .” He felt detached from the man sitting in front of him. Was Merlin putting up his walls? Or was there more to this? Merlin had always been there for him. With his sarcastic remarks and stupid pretty smile. Was this the end of all of this? Because Arthur was scared and so was Merlin? Was this the end because Arthur didn’t know how to be scared and was now afraid he would scare off Merlin? Would he be the reason Merlin left Camelot?
Merlin balled up his fists and stood up. “You think I don’t know that?” He asked terrified. Arthur was taken aback by the short burst of anger and how Merlin started him down. “You think this hasn’t been eating me up inside since I first started working as your servant?” Merlin sat back down deflated.
When Merlin spoke next he sounded close to tears. “I just… I wanted to protect you… All I have ever wanted was to protect you. I would never hurt you Arthur. I swear I-”
“I know.” Arthur whispered, heart thundering in his chest.
Merlin looked up.
“I know you wouldn’t. You’re too much of a… a dollophead.” Arthur tried for a smile. It wasn’t as easy of one as he would have hoped.
Usually, Merlin would complain about how that was ‘his word’ or whatever, but instead he just stared at Arthur in confusion, fear written plainly on his face. “Aren’t you angry with me?”
“I am.” Arthur scratched at his chin. “But… I understand why you didn’t tell me. My father’s laws must have put so much pressure on you and my own actions wouldn’t have made it easy either… I’m sorry Merlin. I believe I have failed you.” Arthur whispered.
A beat of silence passed between them where the only sound was the leaves rustling and the chirps of birds. Arthur wasn’t someone who apologized often, and he hoped that part of Merlin would see the apology for what it was- genuine.
When Arthur got the guts to look at Merlin again, he found his servant looking troubled and confused. He was watching Arthur carefully, waiting for… something. Arthur wasn’t sure what. But he was sure that he hated the look on Merlin’s face, and he hated how unstable this thing between them had become.
“And part of me had wondered every now and then. You aren't exactly careful.” Arthur offered.
Merlin tilted his head chewing on his lip. “Do you reckon you’ll have Uther tie me to a stake and burn me when we get home?” Merlin joked, though a layer of fear laced his words. And Arthur would have gotten caught up on Merlin’s use of the word home had it not been for the words that preceded it.
“Merlin! You must be out of your mind if you think my father will ever hear of this.” and when Merlin stayed silent he added, “And I would never let anyone harm you for being a sorcerer. Not in all of Camelot or anywhere outside of it. I swear it. I royally swear it... And a prince never breaks a royal promise.” Arthur said seriously.
The tension melted out of Merlin’s shoulders then. “Really? You seem to go back on your word with me all the time.”
Arthur scoffed. “Have you got mud in your brain from cleaning out the stables so much? Those weren’t royal promises Mer lin.”
The rest of the night seemed to pass quickly, Merlin dousing the fire and offering to take first watch. Arthur laid still for a long time unable to sleep. Many questions plagued his mind, curling and twirling around his brain before he finally couldn’t take it any more.
“Merlin?” He asked.
His servant jumped a little. “Arthur. I thought you were asleep.”
‘I can’t fall asleep. I have too much on my mind.” Arthur replied.
Merlin nodded at this slowly, seeming to think for a second. “Does it... have to do with me?”
More than you know. “Confirming you’re a sorcerer is… a pretty big deal I’d say.” Arthur said, turning his head to meet Merlin’s eyes.
Merlin huffed a laugh under his breath and smiled. He was sitting a few feet from Arthur with his back against a tree, arm hooked over his bent up knee. “You have no idea. It was a huge weight off of my shoulders, you know.”
“Is that why you’ve been so tired?”
“Yes. I almost told you… that day in your chambers. When you let me go back to sleep?” Merlin said. “I remember.” Arthur said.
Merlin was quiet for a beat. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now… but Gaius always advised against it. He will be pretty angry with me.”
Arthur lifted his head from the ground. “Gaius knows?” he asked incredulously. Arthur wasn’t sure why it mattered, but he’d almost liked it better when he thought he was the first to know Merlin’s secret.
Merlin nodded his head. “Uh-huh.”
He supposed it made sense, Gaius was a father figure to Merlin.
“Does anyone else know?” Arthur asked.
“Just Morgana, Gwen, Lancelot and Gwaine.” Merlin replied.
Arthur scowled at that.
Merlin continued, entirely oblivious. “Obviously I don’t have to tell you not to tell anyone- What are you making that face for?”
Arthur froze, he had assumed it was dark enough Merlin couldn’t see him. Apparently he had been wrong.
“Why… are you so jealous of Gwaine?” Merlin whispered into the dark. Like the dark could protect them, hold their secrets close and never reveal them… Like maybe it wasn’t real if they said these things here.
Arthur sat the rest of the way up and turned to face Merlin in the dark. Arthur scooted closer until both of his feet were framing Merlin against the tree. Arthur was still sitting back, outside of his servant’s face.
“Why do you think?” Arthur asked. He waited a beat and when Merlin said nothing, Arthur’s eyes flicked to his lips. “We’ve shared a big secret of yours tonight Merlin. What… if we share one of mine?” His slowly dragged his eyes back up to meet Merlin’s gaze.
Merlin stared at him intently. “What is it?”
Arthur snorted. “You dolt, is it really not obvious?” Merlin shook his head and Arthur closed his eyes. What would happen if his father found out? That Arthur was in love with his servant? That the servant he loved was both a sorcerer and a man?
Did it matter?
Arthur opened his eyes at that. No, he wouldn’t worry about it. Not here. Arthur could hide it for as long as he had to. And one day… one day he wouldn’t have to hide his love for Merlin anymore.
Arthur was suddenly filled with a lot of nerves. He’d only kissed a few other people in his life and only one other boy. It was some noble boy from a neighboring country and Arthur couldn’t remember much about him now. Just that he had been shorter than Arthur and he was a kind kid. It wasn’t anything serious, they were only twelve back then, but at the time it had meant the world to Arthur.
Arthur leaned forward slowly and stopped a few inches from Merlin’s face. Merlin’s breath hitched and he held Arthur’s eye contact nervously. “ Mer lin…” he whispered. “I really like you Merlin…”
“I like you too Arthur,” Merlin whispered back, just as quiet.
Arthur’s lip quirked up. “Can I kiss you?”
Merlin nodded and Arthur leaned the rest of the way in and then their lips touched. Arthur couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with a warm feeling in his chest. This was right. This was what he was meant to do- be with Merlin. All of the laughs and teasing insults all had led up to this moment. And now Arthur was able to spill his heart out. And Merlin liked him back! Arthur’s heart skipped a beat at the thought. As he pulled back Arthur brushed his thumb over Merlin’s cheek.
Arthur pressed his forehead to Merlin’s. Part of Arthur wanted to stay here forever in his own personal little bubble. Just him and his sorcerer, where no one could pop it and force formalities on them.
It was in that moment that Arthur swore he would bring Merlin up from the status of “servant.” He would bring Merlin up to him somehow and he would never leave him behind.
For now though, that could wait. It wasn’t until Merlin yawned that Arthur pulled away. He clapped Merlin on the shoulder, unsure of where they stood entirely. “Get some rest. I’ll take watch.”
Merlin frowned, his brows creasing. “ but Arthur! You didn’t even sleep-“
“It’s not your fault I was awake.” Merlin didn’t believe him and Arthur supposed that was only partially true. “Okay well- oh shut up and go to sleep, Clotpole.” Arthur huffed.
Merlin laid down in his bed roll saying “That’s my word.” under his breath.
Arthur took Merlin’s spot by the tree and looked out into the forest hiding the smile on his face from Merlin. When was the last time he’d been this happy? Arthur let out a relieved sigh.
Wow… Merlin had magic. And Merlin liked him . Liked Arthur . And not Gwaine .
“Yes!” Arthur whispered to himself. He paused and looked over to where Merlin lay, peacefully sleeping and entirely unaware of the smug grin that overtook Arthur’s features.