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With teary eyes, Buck backed away from the scene infront of him. His (former) station members were rushing towards the car that had gone into the fire hydrant, but he couldn't do anything to help. Afterall, he wasn't a firefighter anymore.
He'd lied to them all about why he was there, that much was obvious to anyone (he didn't own a cat for crying out loud, why would he be buying cat laxatives), but he'd much rather the 118 think that he was there just to see them than the real reason. It was stupid, Buck knew that, but he just wanted - no, needed is a better word - to see them again, it was another way to remind himself how badly he fucked up, another method of torture towards himself.
He deserved it, he was the one who pushed them all away and told his lawyer everything about them all. There was no turning back from that now.
Sighing, he turned back towards the store and walked back inside, he had come here to buy something at least. He just couldn't let them know what it was (especially Chim, who might tell Maddie and god knows what she would do if she found out he was doing this to himself again).
Overall, being caught buying razors wasn't usually a terrible thing, and Buck could probably play it off as razor blades for regular use - except he'd just shown how terrible he is at lying - and he didn't particularly want the one person in the 118 who'd seen his scars up close and knew what they were from, to see him buying razor blades (even Eddie, who could be an idiot at times, wasn't dense enough to not figure out the truth there).
And so there he was, alone with his thoughts once again, except this time he'd just been yelled at by the man he loved whilst his family had just looked on. Yeah, it wasn't a great day.
He didn't remember how, but the next thing he knew he was back at his apartment, the box of razorblades in his hand as he sat on the couch, unsure of what his next move would be.
On one hand, he could end it all right now - except he didn't particularly want to die, he just wanted to feel at least a smither of the pain he'd caused his friends, his family. It was quite the predicament that he found himself in, he chuckled to himself under his breath at that thought. He didn't want to die, he just wanted the mental pain he was going through to stop. The thoughts to quiet. And this was the only way he knew how.
The next thing he knew, he was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, the box of razor blades open and one in his hand, whilst blood ran down his arm. He let out a sob as he watched it drip to the floor, finally letting his emotions out.
And then, the blood didn't stop, and it was at that point he remembered the blood thinners. Of course he would be stupid enough to relapse in self harm whilst on blood thinners. He was always reckless, and his recklessness had once again gotten the best of him. This time, though, he was convinced he was going to pass out from blood loss before anyone could help him.
Moving, his foot slipped in the small puddle of blood underneath him, and he fell to the floor. He sobbed again as his head thwacked against the cold tile, bringing his hand up to touch the spot and bringing it back, gasping in relief as no blood came back.
He had to call someone, he was a wreck and at this point he had convinced himself that if he didn't he was going to die. He didn't want to die. Not today.
His phone was in his hands and he pressed on Eddie's contact. He wasn't sure if the man would answer but, fuck, he was Buck's only hope at this point.
The phone rang out, one, two, three times before Eddie answered.
"Buck? What the hell do you want?", he spat out, obviously still angered at the younger man.
"Eddie", Buck gasped out, tears flowing freely down his face, "I fucked up, Eddie, I really fucked up this time."
There was silence on the other end of the phone for what felt like minutes, Buck almost became convinced that Eddie had hung up, before he heard the man speak again.
"Where are you?"
Buck whimpered as he looked down and saw more blood pooling underneath him.
"I- uh. My house?", it came out as more of a question than an answer, but it was enough for the man on the other end of the phone, who audibly was getting into his car.
"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can, Buck."
Said man let out a sigh of relief, followed by many sobs. Eddie continued to speak to Buck over the phone as he drove to the house, thankful that Buck finally gave in and gave him a spare key a few months back.
Rushing inside, Eddie immediately ran to the bathroom, to see Buck laying on the floor in a puddle of his own blood, sobbing. Rushing to get the first aid kit, he quickly sad down beside the sobbing man, not caring at that point if he got blood on his jeans. He was primarily focused on helping the bleeding man, and cleaning up later.
Eventually, they got the bleeding under control, and Eddie brought Buck into a tight hug, not willing himself to let the man go just yet. He decided to speak first, knowing that if he didn't, Buck would just bottle it all up again.
"Why?"
He felt Buck shrug, and quietly sob once, before taking a shaky breath and speaking. "I just wanted to feel something other than the stupid, shitty feeling I've had for the past few months", Buck mumbled, quickly followed by a yawn.
Eddie sighed and stroked the man's hair before carefully helping him stand, and walking him up to his bed. He helped the man undress and put him into bed, the younger falling asleep practically immediately.
Eddie walked back to the bathroom, and began to clean it. It took a while, probably around an hour, but the bathroom was eventually restored back to its previously pristine condition. Said man then walked back upstairs, and stripped down to his own underwear before getting into bed beside his younger lover. He fell asleep wrapped around Buck, thankful that Carla was taking care of Chris, and deciding that they would speak more about what happened in the morning.