Chapter Text
The second Atsushi fell, Tanizaki knew something was very, very wrong. There had been no reason to worry going into the day. Just a small group, something they had done before with no problem, and they had checked to make sure that there were going to be no ability users. Even the presence of one drastically changes the situation and they had been reassured that there wouldn’t be. He heard a sharp cry of pain and turned around just in time to see Atsushi crumple to the floor. He hit the ground with a thud and blood began to seep through his hair, although Tanizaki couldn’t see exactly where the injury was. Above him stood a tall, lanky figure, their face covered by a weird sort of burlap sack. In his hand was a large, empty needle.
“What the hell did you do?” Tanizaki shouted as he ran forwards towards them. The man reached into his jacket pocket and threw something onto the ground. Instantly a loud plume of smoke overwhelmed them. He couldn’t see past his fingertips much less to Atsushi or the man. Training kicked in as he shut his eyes tight to make sure no more gas burned them, although he could already feel the fiery pain that stabbed into them. He stumbled back, one hand around his throat as he violently coughed and the other behind him to make sure he didn’t run into anything in his frantic escape. The chemicals burned with every breath and he desperately tried to escape to fresh air. It was only a few seconds before he reached it but it felt like ages. He gasped for air around a violent fit of coughs that burst out from his chest, and by the sound next to him it seemed like Kenji hadn’t fared much better. An engine roared towards them before it screeched to a halt, Tanizaki looking up just in time to see the odd man leap into the black car before the driver sped away.
Kenji took one last deep breath before he rushed back into the smoke to retrieve Atsushi. He heard a loud groan over his shoulder and turned back around to see the man he had been fighting with right before. His gun lay in pieces across the ground from where Kenji had stepped on it and by the unnatural bend in his leg, Tanizaki knew he posed no further threat.
“Who was that? What did he do?” He demanded as he gripped the collar of the man's shirt tightly and shook him slightly.
“I’m not telling you shit,” The man said as he spat a glob of blood out at Tanizaki. They both watched as it fell back onto the man's shirt, staining the white fabric further.
“Let's try it this way,” Tanizaki said as he took a deep breath to calm himself. He set the man back down on the ground and crouched slightly next to him with a soft yet stern smile. “You are going to jail for a very, very long time. There’s no getting out of that. However, if you’re willing to cooperate and tell me who that was I will be able to work out a plea deal for a lighter sentence.” The man looked him up and down suspiciously before he glanced back towards the building that had once been their hideout.
“Fine,” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know his real name, no one does. He calls himself Scarecrow and you can pay him to help you out for a bit. He’s an ability user.”
“What’s his ability?”
“He makes you see stuff, that’s all I know.” Tanizaki nodded before he reached into his back pocket where he had kept a spare set of handcuffs. He never carried them around like the others did, only on jobs where they knew arrests would be made. He kicked the man over onto his back. A tad harsher than he knew he deserved as he wasn’t the one who had the ability, but it was still his group that put them in that situation.
“Hey! What about our deal!” The man shouted as Tanizaki clasped the cuffs over his wrists.
“What deal?” He asked as he stood and hurried over to Kenji who had emerged from the smoke with Atsushi hung limp over his shoulder.
“The one about my sentence! You said you’d talk to the police!”
“If I didn’t sign anything then there was no deal,” The corners of his lips twitched up into a small smile. The man began to scream a long string of expletives but he paid him no mind. Kenji gently rested Atsushi on the ground as Tanizaki untied his sweatshirt from around his waist and arranged it gently underneath his head to keep it away from the debris from their fight. Kenji began to check his unconscious form, gently moving his chin up to open his airway further while Tanizaki pulled out his phone to call for help. He regretted their decision not to take a car. It wasn’t a far walk to the nearest train station and Kenji insisted they go out after finding out that Atsushi had never had ice cream before, that it was a true emergency. Something that seemed important then, just so trivial only hours later. He hit the call button as it rang once, twice, three times.
“Hello!!” Dazai’s cheerful voice crackled through the speaker, but Tanizaki wasted no time on pleasantries.
“The information was wrong. There was an ability user.”
“What.” Instantly his tone changed, with no remnants of the cheerful tone he had only a moment before. When Dazai went serious Tanizaki knew that it was bad.
“It turned into a fight and somehow the user snuck up on Atsushi. He used a needle and put something in his neck, then he passed out.”
“Did you catch him?”
“No,” Shame flooded through him as his face flushed slightly. “He got away. One of the guys called him Scarecrow.”
“Stay right where you are!” He heard a scuffle over the phone as Ranpo spoke, seemingly having ripped the phone from Dazai. His tone was so unlike his normal uninterested vice, more serious than he heard in a while. “Do not try to move him and no matter what he does or what he says, keep him safe. Dazai is on his way now.”
“What do you mean?” Tanizaki asked only to be met with no response and he looked down only to realize Ranpo had hung up.
“Who was that?” Kenji asked as Tanizaki stared at the ground for a moment attempting to control his breathing, panic would do no good for either of them. He looked over at Kenji who had shifted Atsushi into the recovery position on his side, his head rested on his outstretched arm.
“Ranpo, Dazai’s on his way now. They said to keep an eye on him and keep him safe.”
“What does that mean?”
“I,” he hesitated as he crouched down next to Kenji who knocked their shoulders together. Tanizaki wanted to do something to help remove the concerned look on the usually bubbly boy's face, but there was nothing he could do. “I don’t know. But no matter what he does or what he says, we need to keep him safe.”
Ten minutes passed in a tense silence. Neither of them knew what to say, knew what to do. So they both just stared at Atsushi who didn’t wake. The only movement came from his chest as he breathed shallow breaths. At one point Tanizaki had pressed his ear to his mouth to make sure he was really breathing and not just his chest moving as he had been taught to in their mandatory first aid training. But while there was a slight wheeze in his breath, he was otherwise alright. There was nothing they could do but wait.
He looked up as he heard a car approach, no, two cars approached fast before they skidded to a halt near them. Kunikida quickly got out of his, only after checking twice to make sure he had properly turned the engine off like he always did. Dazai got out from behind the wheel of a car Tanizaki didn’t recognize. He stared for a second as he realized he had always just assumed the man couldn’t drive as any time he was with someone they insisted on driving. Although knowing Dazai he could assume why. After all, people who don’t seem to have anything to live for always seem to drive like it.
“Tanizaki, take Kenji and go back to the Agency,” Kunikida ordered as he walked towards him. Tanizaki wanted to protest, wanted to stay and help. But there was something in Kunikida’s voice, almost a sense of fear that shut his mouth. He nodded and took the keys from Kunikida’s hand, gesturing for Kenji to follow. There was nothing for him to do, and he could tell by the look on Kunikida’s face that he didn’t know either.
Only seconds after Dazai heard the car’s engine fade out of earshot, Atsushi moved. His head moved slightly as he curled in on himself. Dazai pressed his hand against the side of his face but nothing happened, no bright light that signified the effect of No Longer Human on the ability. Like the cannibalism ability placed over Fukuzawa, his ability would only work on the ability user themself, not their unlucky victim. Kunikida stood behind Atsushi’s back and Dazai quickly moved him away so his shadow wouldn’t loom over Atsushi. He didn’t know what he would see. There had been no reports of this ability being used against any civilians, only on a few petty criminals and they didn’t last too long under the horrific hallucinations. There were no survivors. It seemed to work similarly to Q’s and Dazai had seen what that could do.
Slowly his head tilted up towards the sky as he rolled slightly out of the recovery position. Kunikida moved forward to correct it if needed but Dazai held out his hand in front of his chest and he stopped. Atsushi fluttered his eyes open slowly to the sky before he flinched away from the sun. He rested his cheek down on the ground as he opened his eyes once more. Then he froze.
His entire body stiffened, eyes wide as he stared in horror at the scene in front of him. Suddenly he pushed himself up slightly before he started to gag violently. He raised a hand to his neck and a mouthful of bile fell to the ground. Dazai looked over to Kunikida who froze right where Dazai told him to. They glanced at each other for a moment before they looked back at the boy. Kunikida had seen him sick before but neither of them had seen him react to a scene like that. He pulled his hand away from his neck and slowly brought it in front of his face, frantically pushing himself back onto his knees and bent over, curled in on himself as he looked at his hands. His breaths became shallow and ragged as looked up at the area around him and back to his hands.
“Atsushi?” Dazai said as carefully and calmly as he could. Everyone who interacted with the boy for even a moment could tell of his hypervigilance. The way that he monitored every motion someone near him would make. The way he seemed to keep an eye on every person in a room so as to never be caught off guard. And the Tiger's ability no doubt added to that. So for him not to respond to his name, not respond to someone so close to him, something was extremely wrong. There was only one thing left to try and get his attention and Dazai knew it would only end badly, but he had to try. Slowly he reached out and tapped his shoulder lightly.
Atsushi whirled around like he had been burned. He raised his arms over his face for protection as he peered around them. Again, he froze. He looked straight into Dazai’s eyes but he seemed unfocused, like there was a slight haze in his eyes.
“Dazai, what happened?” Quickly he tried to push himself to his feet. And Dazai moved forward quickly to try and lead him toward the ground. He rarely worked the Q, only when he absolutely had to. But he knew that a majority of injuries came from when the victim tried to walk. Unable to focus on details or obstacles, for some unable to even know where they were, led to multiple concussions and death when a man stumbled onto the train tracks in his state of delusion. Dazai touched his shoulder one more as he attempted to grab his other side to push him back down. Atsushi gasped as he reeled backward and crashed to the ground. Face collided with the rough ground below and when he looked back up, his eyes filled with fear, there were a few red lines drawn across his cheekbone.
“What are you doing?” Kunikida asked quietly as Dazai bent down to Atsushis level.
“I need to test his awareness,” Dazai said as he examined Atsushi for a moment more before he hesitantly reached a hand out to his face. “He can hear and see something but this close up if there was anything connecting him to reality he would have reacted.”
Atsushi stared blankly at Dazai’s face but the second his hand brushed against his skin he jolted away.
“No, no, no that's not possible,” He cried as he brought his knees up to his chest in an attempt to make himself as small as possible. His hands gripped the strands of his hair tight enough that Dazai worried they might rip straight out. Blood started to seep through his white hair as his hands shifted slightly into paws, the claws against his scalp. With a sharp yelp of pain, he pulled his hands away from his hair and wrapped them protectively around his knees. The claws retracted for a moment but the harder he dug his nails into the soft flesh of his arms the more they shifted and soon blood started to pour from there as well. Dazai moved forward and grabbed his wrists. Atsushi tried to pull away as a blue light illuminated around them and his claws retracted in but Dazai held them for a moment before he gestured for Kunikida to take his place. As inhumane as it seemed and as Atsushi began to hyperventilate it was better than his self-injury.
“We need to get him back to Yosano now. I’ll start the car, don’t move him until I say so.” Dazai ordered as he straightened up and moved for the car, careful to leave the back door open as he entered the driver's side to start the car. He had read the reports. He knew their reaction, knew details about the nightmare that had been Atsushi’s life, and what he could gather from his near-incomprehensible babbling that had started as he walked away. He knew the second Kunikida picked him up, that's when the torture would really start. Kunikida looked over at him. He nodded. Then, the screaming started.
Atsushi rarely showed pain. Time and time again he had been stabbed, cut, shot, and went through it all with gasps and minor shouts from surprise and agony. He heard Atsushi during his initial fight with Akutagawa, where his leg had been completely severed. He screamed for a moment but more out of shock than anything. Where it should have completely immobilized him, left him with nothing to do but scream, instead somehow he kept his focus as long as he could. Never did he truly vocalize his pain or agony. But he screamed.
An incoherent mess of sobs, pleas, and wails of despair as he attempted to launch himself out of Kunikida’s arms. The surprise, violent movement caused Kunikida to stumble slightly as Atsushi flung himself forward. Kunikida caught his arms and pinned them slightly to his torso as he unceremoniously dragged him the last few steps to the car.
“Where are Kenji and Tanizaki?” He asked, finally coherent enough to form the sentence.
“They are ok,” Kunikida said uncharacteristically softly, but they both knew that's not what the boy heard as he let out a cry of despair. “They are safe.” He clambered into the backseat and pulled Atsushi in after him. His feet caught on the doorframe as he attempted to escape his grasp, but they wound up inside the car as Dazai quickly left the driver's seat to push his feet in behind him and slammed the door behind. Atsushi flinched violently at the sound but Dazai only climbed back into the driver's seat. He knew it likely wasn’t best to startle him but time was not something they had.
“Don’t handcuff him,” Dazai said as he slammed on the gas. The car emitted a loud screech as the tires suddenly sped into motion, something Dazai knew he would have been scolded for had Kunikida’s full attention not been on the boy in his lap. One thing about Kunikida that he appreciated in a time like this, was his predictability. After all, being partners, he knew him best out of everyone in the Agency and he knew what his thoughts were. “There's potential he could hurt himself worse on those and they would just cause more distress.”
He didn’t turn around but he faintly heard Kunikidas' words of understanding that were almost drowned out by Atsushi's despair. His eyes focused on the road ahead as Atsushi's cries reverberated in his skull. As irrational as it was, he felt if he looked in the mirror to see the boy he would catch a glimpse of a bandaged eye in his own reflection.
The car ride was too long even though Dazai was sure he broke more traffic rules than he could count if he even bothered to try. Each second felt like minutes. He had hoped that Atsushi would eventually tire but the longer he was under the ability the worse he seemed to get.
He didn’t bother to find a place to park the car. Instead, he simply pulled up to the sidewalk in front of the Agency and turned off the ignition. Kunikida opened the door and tried to pull Atsushi out as gently as he could although he was no match for the strength provided by Beast Beneath the Moonlight. Atsushi thrust himself out of his grasp and slammed his head into the doorframe with a crack before he practically fell out of the car. He collapsed on the concrete with a thud as Dazai and Kunikida frantically rushed out of the car. Atsushi lay there for a moment, dazed by the fall, before he started to move again. Kunikida crouched by his side and began to pull him to his feet carefully. Dazai took his hands and watched as No Longer Human flowed into his once more Kunikida gripped his arms tightly to prevent another fall as Dazai helped pull him to his feet.
The last thing Dazai wanted him to do was walk, however, the damage could be worse if Kunikida tried to carry him again. Luckily he didn’t need to explain this, and Kunikida wrapped his arms around the side of his torso stiffly to walk alongside him as Dazai held his hands.
The walk through the cafe was nothing short of a disaster and Dazai was grateful there were no patrons at the moment. The owner took one look at the situation before he nodded to Dazai and quickly made his exit. Atsushi seemed to slam into everything he could. His feet shot out from under him every other second as he squirmed and shook. So frantic he nearly took Kunikida down with him and it was all they could do but try and lead him through to the staircase. They took one look at the stairs before Kunikida bent down slightly and hoisted Atsushi up ungracefully onto his hip as he pulled his feet up and off the floor. Dazai walked backward up the stairs awkwardly to keep an eye on him as he held the boy's wrists together. His cries quieted slightly but blood began to well up from his lips where his teeth dug into the soft flesh to hold them back. It was a miracle they were even able to get him up the stairs, much less without further injury to him or themselves.
The second they stepped foot into the Agency everyone jumped up. Kyouka rushed towards them before Naomi put out an arm in front of her and shook her head solemnly. They all froze as Dazai continued to lead him into the room. Kunikida let his feet touch the floor and he stumbled forwards before he crashed to the ground. Slowly, Atsushi raised his head to look up and froze. Dazai watched as his eyes flickered around the room in horror, his sobs dying in his throat as his shoulders dipping low as he curled in on himself.
“Dazai?” Kenji asked quietly as he shuffled slightly into Tanizaki’s side who wrapped his arm around the younger boy. Atsushi turned his head towards Kenji but his eyes seemed to almost look through him. Whatever he saw caused
“How much can he see?” Dazai hadn’t noticed him at first, but Fukuzawa stood in the doorway to his office. His eyebrows knit together to reveal his concern that he worked to mask from the others so as to not spark further fear.
“He is in a state of complete psychosis,” Kunikida said as Dazai placed his hand on Atsushi’s shoulder. He violently flinched away but Dazai wrapped his fingers around and held on lightly. He didn’t want to hurt him and it wasn’t something he could be slapped out of like with his meltdown after being under Q’s ability. He didn't regret it, seeing as it had worked at the time, but he did drink himself unconscious when he thought about what Oda would have said.
“He can see his surroundings for the most part, and he can see people, but he cannot hear and is reacting to severe visual hallucinations.”
“Where is Ranpo?” Dazai demanded as he heard a door to his right swing open.
“He’s out with Poe trying to hunt down the mother fucker who did this,” Yosano said bitterly as she stepped out of her office and into the main room. “We need to get him on a bed, it’s more dangerous for him to be standing or moving too much.”
Kunikida wrapped his arms underneath Atsushi’s as he gently pulled him to his feet. Dazai held his hands carefully to ensure he wouldn’t try to fight. Atsushi’s eyes were trained on Yosano and grew wider by the second as he began to shake violently. His jaw clenched as he swallowed nervously, his chest shaking with frantic, shallow breaths. Kunikida moved to pick him up and Dazai let go of his hands for a second.
That’s when all hell broke loose.
Without hesitation, Atsushi suddenly thrashed in his arms. His arms grew slightly as the Tiger’s strength kicked in, and he launched himself away from Kunikida, and hit the ground with a thud as everyone rushed forward. Atsushi scrambled away as fast as he could before he curled into himself against a desk, his face forward and his forearms in front of him.
Time seemed to slow as Dazai realized with a wave of dread what he was going to do. Atsushi's hand turned slightly, large claws like before. Then, without hesitation, he drew his claws against his arms.
Blood poured out as his skin ripped out underneath his claws, bright red blood squirting out from his slashed artery. The cuts were so deep that they must have gone halfway through his arm. Noise exploded through the air, his loud screams of agony bounced off the walls and filled the space. He could hear Kenji’s screams, Tanizaki's curses, Kyouka's gasps. But it all just seemed to blend together into one big mass of noise.
Dazai was only a foot away when he reached out and dragged his claws, covered in the blood from its severed veins, over his other arm. He screamed again as he violently rocked back and forth, his head bashing into the desk behind him with each motion that didn’t seem to phase him. It was only a tiny bit of pain compared to what he’d done. Far was it from the least painful way to go, and a deep pit formed in Dazai’s stomach as his mind flashed back to each attempt like it. Blood sprayed out over Dazai's white shirt and seeped into his bandages as he gripped Atsushi's hands which only caused him to scream more. His claws retracted back into his hands but with his skin contact the Tigers regeneration could not work. The wounds nearly shredded halfway through his arm, Atsushi didn’t have a few moments to spare with No Longer Human.
“Yosano!” He yelled over the cacophony of chaos and she was at his side in seconds, a needle in hand. She handed it off to Kunikida as she packed large pads of gauze into the cuts and under the skin to try and stop the bleeding. Kunikida pressed the needle into his neck and released the sedative within.
“What- what did you…” Atsushi asked as he looked over at Kunikida, eyes full of betrayal before he slumped to the floor. Dazai caught his head with his free hand before it hit the tile. His other hand held tight to Atsushi’s until no skin was untouched by the thick, hot blood. Carefully Kunikida wrapped his arms around him once more and lifted him up into the air.
“Please, don’t do this,” Atsushi whispered as his head rolled to the side. “Stop, please stop.”
Dazai quickly followed Yosano into her office, Kunikida right behind him. She shoved two restraints into his hands. He recognized them as the ones used in hospitals to restrain a patient without causing any further damage. He fastened them to the side of the gurney-like bed and stepped back as Yosano retrieved more bandages from a cabinet. Atsushi continued to beg each of their names one by one, pleading for them to stop.
“Dazai,” Kunikida gently set him down on the bed, Dazai didn’t allow himself to pause, holding the bandages down as Yosano applied more. Atsushi didn’t fight against the restraints, he didn’t have any fight left in him. He just lay there and cried. His begs turned into incomprehensible mumbles interrupted by sobs until finally, they ceased. Dazai looked over as his eyes slipped closed and his breathing evened out.
“Kunikida, go with the others,” Yosano ordered as she moved Dazai’s hands over the mess of gauze and bandages, careful to not touch any skin. Kunikida gave him a small nod and he closed the door behind him. She didn’t have to ask twice. Before he left he grabbed a stack full of towels and a bin then closed the door behind him. The best cleaning products were in a separate closet and it was something good he could do in a situation where he had nothing.
`
Once he left the room Dazai helped Yosano remove the drenched gauze and bandages from around the cuts and those packed underneath the skin. Once removed she took a deep breath and the room illuminated with a soft glow. Butterflies flew up around them before they rested on his arms and began to disappear into the wounds. Yosano stepped aside and Dazai watched as his skin stitched together. After a moment she returned, a iv bag in hand. She handed him the bag as she held the needle gently and began to prod his elbow for a vein, one that had been completely severed only seconds before. Dazai hooked the bag up to the poll next to the bed and Yosano inserted the needle into his arm.
“A mild sedative so he doesn’t wake up,” Dazai was always curious how the Tiger would metabolize poisons or sedatives, a curiosity that made him sick to his stomach.
She looked up at him as he pulled up a chair that rested against the wall, opening her mouth to protest as he gestured for her to leave. “You go, I can stay with him for a little while.”
“Here,” Yosano tossed him a roll of bandages to replace his soaked ones that began to spark something in his mind that he didn’t have time for. “You know where everything else is.”
With that, she left, and for the first time since he got the call Dazai breathed.
The next five hours were a blur. Fukuzawa came in once the commotion outside the door had settled. He checked Atsushi over before he walked over to the cabinets to retrieve a washcloth and mirror that he handed to Dazai without a word. He really looked terrible, the blood on his face hadn’t dried yet but it would soon. He didn’t bother to wet it. Instead, he dragged the harsh fabric across his face. The skin pulled and burned slightly as he tried to scrub it off before a hand met his. He looked up at Fukuzawa who took the cloth from him, ran a cool stream of water from the sink nearby, and gave it back. The blood came off easier than before, but the sting was gone.
Fukuzawa pulled out towels and ran them under cool water before he got to work. Carefully he held Atsushi’s arm in one hand as he gently began to clean the blood off. The stack of cloth was soiled after each arm and Dazai handed him more. Together they began to clean. They couldn’t let the others see him when he was still like that, and they both knew the effect waking up still covered in blood has on the mind.
There wasn’t much they could do about his hair, but they tried to get most of the blood out before it matted into knots and tangles that they knew he was more used to ripping out than properly brushing through. Naiomi knocked hesitantly half way through the process and delivered a soft pair of pajamas to change him into so he wouldn’t have to change into uncomfortable scrubs. They made extra sure the blood was fully out so as to not stain them.
“Ranpo’s been out looking,” Fukuzawa finally said. “He had a lead to follow up on and left without any other word. I believe Poe joined him as well.” Dazai hummed knowingly as he tucked a new clean blanket over him. With that, Fukuzawa turned to go. He heard him say something softly outside the door and multiple pairs of feet thudded towards them quickly.
“-tread quietly!” Kunikida scolded in a whisper as the doors burst open quickly. He caught the doorknob right before it collided with the door and Kenji smiled at him sheepishly. Kouyka rushed to his side as she began to scan him over. Her hands reached out slightly to touch him but they froze before they made contact and, for a moment, she just looked lost. Tanizaki came up behind her slowly and moved her hands towards him as he pulled her in for a slightly stiff hug. She still hadn’t gotten the hang of them.
“He’s gonna be ok, right?” Kenji asked, uncharacteristically quietly as he looked over at Dazai with uncertainty in his eyes.
“He’s going to be fine,” Heads turned to the doorway that Yosano leaned against, soiled clothes replaced with fresh ones. There was a haunted look in her eyes that shone through the facade of confidence she tried to exude. There was something there, something else besides this situation, but Dazai chose the wise approach and didn’t comment on it. A topic for another late-night drinking session he supposed.
“Ok, you saw him, he’s ok. Kenji and Tanizaki can stay, the rest of you go home,” She made a motion to shoo the rest out and they slowly left, their eyes trained on Atsushi for as long as they could. Still, they knew the rules, crowding Yosano’s office only leads to her being annoyed and the injured person stressed when they awake. None of them protested although going home just meant sitting at their desks nervously.
“You said that the ability he’s under makes him see his worst fear,” Kenji said hesitantly as Dazai gave him his seat and Tanizaki sank to the floor in the corner. “Then why was his worst fear us?”
Everyone went silent.
“I don’t think his worst fear was us,” Yosano finally said, the tension in the room high as they all looked somewhere that wasn’t Atsushi. “I think this worst fear was what we might do.”
“What do we do?”
“Right now we do nothing. When he wakes up we’ll talk, if he wants to,” Yosano added at the end. Kenji nodded, although it was obvious by the way his shoulders dropped that it wasn’t the response he wanted. Dazai knew no one had an answer, not even Yosano. She could fix his body but not the fear, not the trauma Dazai only knew parts of.
Five hours, that’s how long it took to get the call. Yosano kicked Tanizaki and Kenji out two hours in. She tried to send them home but they just lingered around the office instead of around Atsushi. Dazai stayed. The chair got uncomfortable after the fourth hour, but he didn’t move.
Yosano had stepped outside to get a cup of coffee, and only a minute later Dazai heard a commotion outside the door.
“Ranpo called, they found him,” She grabbed a small pad of gauze as she undid the tape that held the iv needle in place. She pulled the needle out of his arm and pressed the pad down after to soak up the blood. “He’s going to be ok.”
“Ranpo?” Dazai quickly moved to untie the restraints around the boys wrists and ankles.
“He and Poe found Scarecrow at one of his hideouts. He revoked his ability the second the police asked.” Yosano explained as she tossed the needle out into the trash can full of bloodied bandages and rags. “I should dispose of that before he wakes up.”
“Do you know when he will?”
“Not sure,” She grabbed the bag out of the trashcan and opened a closet to a giant trash can labeled ‘Biohazardous Material’. “If it were anyone else I’d say at least an hour or so, but I don’t know how he would metabolize toxins or medications.”
Exactly sixteen minutes later, Atsushi started to stir. His head turned to the side slightly as his eyelids fluttered slightly but did not open quite yet. Dazai got up quickly and moved towards the door. It creaked open slightly and he poked his head through. Kunikida looked up and he gestured him over, aware of every pair of eyes in the office trained on him.
“Atsushi is about to wake,” He whispered quietly to Kunikida when he reached the door. Kunikida nodded and Dazai slipped back into the room. Faintly through the door, he heard him announce to the rest of the office. An explosion of noise burst out, but they were quieted quickly by him as he insisted they leave now that he was safe. It was something they did every time, and while they were never allowed to see the person right away, they still tried. He left the door cracked open and only moments later Fukuzawa entered as well. They stood around Atsushi awkwardly as he started to shift slightly.
Finally, his eyes opened. He flinched away slightly as he stared straight up into the light above him and looked around the room. The second he saw them he froze. He stared straight at Dazai with an intense fear he’d never seen before, well, that he hadn’t seen before today. His chest began to rise and fall quicker by the second as he began to hyperventilate.
“Atsushi,” His eyes snapped over to Yosano who moved next to him. He jolted away violently as she shone a flashlight into his eyes. “Do you know where you are?”A tense silence filled the room as Atsushi only stared at her in fear. Finally, he took a shaky breath and clenched his jaw before he spoke.
“I’m in your office in the Agency. And I’m on a bed,” The last bit came out almost as a question but they paid it no mind as relief flowed through them. They knew the aftermath was still to come but it would be much better than the horror before. Still, a tinge of fear remained as they processed his surprise at the bed.
“Do you remember what happened?” Atsushi began to curl in on himself once more as violent tremors resumed their torment. He opened his mouth as if to speak before he snapped it shut and nodded slowly instead, his eyes trained on his hands that curled into fists around the blanket.
“Do you remember being hit by an ability?” His head snapped up. He studied Yosano's face for a moment before he shook his head once more.
“Scarecrow, also known as Bill Kane, was working for the gang you, Tanizaki, and Kenji were sent to handle.” Fukuzawa finally spoke from his position by the door as he stepped forward to the end of the bed. Atsushi shifted slightly away from them until he was up against the back of the bed. “His ability, Fear Toxin, was used on you. He was arrested approximately half an hour ago and removed his ability from you.”
“An ability?” Atsushi’s voice trembled but there was a glimmer of light that returned to his eyes. “None of that was real?”
“No.” The glimmer turned to tears but no longer of despair. “Everything you saw was a manipulation of reality,” Dazai added. “Everyone has been trying to help you.” Yosano shot him a look as she tilted her head down at Atsushi. He looked over at Fukuzawa before he took a breath. He bent down slightly and opened his arms which Atsushi flung himself into. Dazai stepped back slightly and stood there awkwardly for a moment before he hesitantly wrapped his arms around him and rested them atop his shoulders. They stood there for a moment, Atsushi’s sobs the only thing that separated them from an uncomfortable silence.
“Tanizaki contacted us the second you collapsed. Dazai and Kunikida arrived as you woke and attempted to bring you back to the Agency safely,” Fukuzawa explained. Atsushi froze and pushed away as he looked down at his now soft, unmarred forearms.
“You gave everyone a scare when you pulled that stunt,” Yosano said and Atsushi looked away in shame.
“I'm sorry. I’m sorry I just couldn't go through that again. I couldn’t let you…”.
“Let us what?” Yosano asked as Atsushi trailed off into silence.
“I couldn’t let you cage me again.” Again, the word hung heavy in the air.
“What do you mean by again?” Fukuzaawa finally spoke up. Atsushi looked up at him for a moment before he looked down at his hands that he wrung in his lap.
“There was a basement in the Orphanage,” Atsushi began. He didn’t take his eyes off his hands. “It was just a cold cement room but half of it was, it was a cage. There was enough room to move around but sometimes if I was bad enough they'd chain my ankles to the floor.” Words came quicker and quicker to match his breath as he let out a small, hysterical laugh. “One time when I was nine I was so bad that the Headmaster took a nail and hammered it through my foot. It didn’t break the cement floor but it kept me in place. And I couldn’t go through that again, I just couldn’t.”
“So you tried to kill yourself,” Dazai said, and Atsushi nodded slightly.
“Even though I knew it wouldn’t work, I had to try. I’m sorry you saw that I shouldn’t have done that. I won’t when it happens again.”
Again.
“When what happens?” Fukuzawa asked as he moved to Dazai’s side who moved back out of his way.
“When I actually become a threat. When I actually hurt someone.”
“Nakajima Atsushi,” The boy flinched slightly at the sound of his full name. He tried to look away but with a slow, careful hand, Fukuzawa turned his chin to face him. “You are not an animal?”
A loud cry broke the tense air. Fukuzawa reached out and wrapped his arms firmly around him. Atsushi buried his face into his yukata as he leaned against him.
“You are a person, not a threat. Not something to be caged.”
Dazai met Yosano’s eyes once more as they both moved closer until they reached the sides of the bed. There was a firm, almost wild look in her eyes, and even in all the years he spent in the mafia around torture he knew it was nothing compared to what Yosano wanted to do with the people at that orphanage. Dazai would consider the Headmaster lucky for the car that turned him into a chalk mark on the asphalt or he might have done things Oda wouldn’t have approved of. Although, with the orphan in question, Dazai wasn’t sure if he would have minded all that much.
“You have a place at the Agency,” He said, and Atsushi pulled away slightly to meet his stern eyes. “Nothing about that could change.”
“You’ve been out for five hours and we were only just able to get people to leave,” Yosano added and Atsushi snapped over to look at her in confusion. “They all wanted to stay until you had woken up.
“But why?”
“Because they care, all of us do.”
“But I’m dangerous.”
“All of us are dangerous,” Dazai smiled slightly as he gestured around.
“I don’t deserve this.”
“You don’t have to be deserving of anything to have basic human rights,” Yosano crossed her arms as she raised her eyebrow slightly.
“But-”
“Nothing that you could say will change that,” Fukuzwa interrupted and Atsushi looked away.
“I don’t know if I believe that.”
“All in due time.”
“This conversation will continue tomorrow,” Yosano said as she walked over to the sink and retrieved a small glass of water. Atsushi’s jaw quivered slightly as he bit back a yawn and took the glass with shaky fingers yet still managed not to spill. “Drink.”
“I’m not tired,” Dazai simply looked at him, and crimson flushed through his pale cheeks as he sipped the water. “I’m not that tired.”
“You were on a heavy sedative for hours combined with the mental toll that ability took on you. I’d advise staying off work for at least three more days.”
“There’s no need, I can still function,” He said quickly as he stared at Yosano in shock. A shock that Dazai remembered all too well. The sudden shock of basic kindness through the permission to take off vital work time with no consequences. He had hoped that throughout everything, through sickness and injury, Atsushi would have grown used to that, but he knows better than most that it takes time.
“The Agency will always come second to your needs,” Fukuzawa said as he stepped away towards the door, Yosano close behind. “Now rest, we will continue this conversation in the morning.”
“It’s about eight now,” Dazai clarified as he glanced down at his phone. The screen lit up with the myriad of messages he had ignored since he got the call. Some from different members of the Agency, a few from Chuuya cursing him for something he was supposed to remember, and most interestingly an overwhelming amount from Akutagawa. The boy was always extremely hesitant to spam Dazai as to not be a bother, but it appeared that when it involved Atsushi those concerns were cast aside to make room for ones about him. “I’ll turn off the lights so you can sleep.” As he spoke he stepped towards the door and flipped the light switch off when he heard Atsushi’s voice, so quiet he almost didn’t hear it.
“Can you stay?”
“What was that?” He asked as he turned back to face him. Atsushi shuffled down to lay his head on the pillow and turned his head away in embarrassment.
“I mean, in case the ability has any lingering effects or something,” A bold-faced lie, they both knew it, yet Dazai did him the mercy as to not bring it up. It was new territory for both of them and that was clear, but it wasn’t about him. He couldn’t let his lack of knowledge when it came to such basic things such as judgeless comfort and kindness impede the little progress the Agency had made.
“Well of course!’ He said with a smile as he sat back in the chair, no matter how uncomfortable it might have been for the hours he already had sat in it. “What kind of a mentor would I be if I left without any certainty you would be alright!”
Atsushi’s shoulders dropped as the tension slowly eased out of him. The exhaustion of the day seemed to weigh him down and Dazai was once again reminded about just how small he really is, not his height but his frame wracked by years of malnutrition. He fell asleep only moments later.
It wouldn’t fix any, if not most, of the problems. The self-hatred had been so ingrained in him that it would take a long time to unravel each knot that bound him from seeing the truth. Bound him from seeing the people around him who wanted nothing more than to help. However, there was no doubt something had changed. A small glimmer of hope in his eyes that had been dimmed years before returned and there was not a single person at that Agency that would let it be put out again.