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“A-are you sure this is a good idea?” Shuichi asks nervously, twiddling his thumbs.
“Yeah!” Kaito boasts, “It’s just a stupid prank. Ouma pulls them all the time, so he’ll be fine!”
“Yeah, b-but… I’m his boyfriend…” Shuichi protests weakly.
“It’ll be okay, Shuichi!” Kaede reassured him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Like Momota-kun said. Ouma-kun pulls pranks all the time! It’ll be fine!”
Shuichi sighs, resting his head on the table.
“I hope so.”
————
Kokichi walked into the classroom, boasting with a big grin on his face.
“ Heeeeyyyyy , everyone! Your favorite leader is here!” He exclaims, resting his arms behind his head triumphantly.
Instead of being met with instant joking insults by Miu, a glare by Maki, and a hug from his boyfriend Shuichi, like he normally is — Kokichi is met with silence.
Everyone just continues on with their previous conversations, acting like he isn’t even there.
Kokichi huffs, and announces more loudly, “Hellooooo?! I said Kokichi Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader, is here!”
Still, nobody pays attention to him, or even looks his way.
Kokichi sighs, frustrated, but he sees Shuichi in the corner of his eye; and positively lights up.
He bounces over to him, a grin plastered onto his face.
“Hi! How’s my beloved doing today?” He asks softly, the grin melting into a smile.
Shuichi doesn’t look up at all.
He just continues reading his book, looking bored.
Okay, now Kokichi is confused. Shuichi always responds to him, even if he’s deep into studying, or doing his detective work.
“Shuichiiiii… Is your book really more interesting than your lovely boyfriend?” He pouts, patting his head lightly.
Shuichi doesn't even react to that. He just flips the page and keeps reading.
Kokichi’s fake pout turns into a frown. “Ugh, fine then! If my beloved won’t entertain me, I guess I’ll go somewhere else.”
He skips over to his desk, which is next to Angie and Miu. When the teacher comes in and starts droning on about some boring lecture, he leans over to whisper to Miu.
“Hey, Whore-chan. Is it just me, or is everyone acting weird? Even my beloved Shuichi is,” He says quietly.
Kokichi doesn’t get any response. Not even a shriek from the nickname, and not a glare.
It's like he’s not even there.
Kokichi sighs heavily, and tries again. “Hello? Did you hear me, or is your brain fried from all the thinking about dick?”
Kokichi thought for sure that would work, and he thought he heard a shaky huff from her, but instead—
Miu just continues doodling some new invention in her notebook.
Okay, Kokichi won’t admit it out loud, but… He’s starting to get a little upset over this. Everyone ignoring him? Not even a little roll of the eyes?
Kokichi is used to being ignored. He’s been ignored and neglected his whole life from his parents, that’s how he formed D.I.C.E in the first place — by running away with some of his elementary school friends in the evenings, and doing something silly, like graffiti in the alleyways.
That’s why he thrives so much on attention nowadays — because he craves it. It doesn’t even matter if it’s good or bad, as long as Kokichi gets some sort of attention, he’ll be satisfied.
So, is that why it hurts so much that everyone is ignoring him?
Kokichi shakes his head out of his thoughts, and tries to start paying attention to his teacher’s lame lecture. It’s all probably a stupid prank, honestly. He’s sure nobody forgot him, or is ignoring him because they’re bored of him.
Right?
——————
A couple hours later, and school’s out of session. Normally, after every school day, Kokichi walks with Shuichi to his dorm, and they ‘study’ (meaning instead of researching the formula for y+x or whatever, they make out and cuddle).
So, when Kokichi exits the doors, he happily hops over to a bench near the gate, where Shuichi always meets with him.
Expecting to see him there, Kokichi turns the corner, and—
Oh.
Shuichi’s already walking out the gate with Maki and Kaito.
Kokichi blows the bangs out of his face. Okay, even if it all was a stupid prank, ditching plans without even so much as a text is going too far in his book.
So, he hurriedly runs up to catch up with them, and tries to jump onto Shuichi’s back; but before he can, Kaito steps behind him, mumbling something about how his backpack is unzipped.
Kokichi frowns.
“Hey guys!” He says cheerfully from behind them, since the sidewalk is too small for him to come up next to them. “Whatcha doin’?”
No response.
Maki continues talking about some issue with one of her crossbows. “I don’t know, I think one of the parts is missing, or maybe there’s something wrong with my arrows.”
“Ah, maybe you should take it to a shop or something?” Shuichi suggests, shaking his head slightly to get his bangs out of his eyes.
“Oh, c’mon Shuichi! You’re my sidekick, and so is Harumaki! She can fix it herself, I know she can!” He boasts, wrapping an arm around his shoulder with a smile.
Maki glares at him, but it has no malice behind it. “I am not your sidekick.”
Kaito just laughs it off. “Sure you aren’t,” He winks at her. “Anyway, have you guys heard that weird buzzing noise in class today?”
“Yeah, it was kind of annoying,” Maki says quietly. “I wonder where it was coming from.”
Kokichi pipes up behind them. “Huuhhh? What buzzing noise? I didn’t hear such a thing!”
Shuichi winces, “Ah, yeah. There it is again. Like a fly or something that just won’t go away.”
Oh.
So he’s the annoying buzz.
“Oh,” Kokichi says out loud, but it comes out a lot sadder than he meant it to. Fuck. “Welp, I’ll just be on my way then! Byeeee!”
He skips off the opposite way, since he knows there’s a shortcut.
Shuichi, Kaito and Maki don’t even spare him a glance as he walks away.
Ouch.
————————
Kokichi’s in his dorm room, sulking.
He’s not really sure what to do with this information.
Sure, he pulls off pranks on the class all the time, but… they’re all petty and not really big. Maybe a whoopie cushion in Kiibo’s seat, a water balloon or two thrown at Rantaro’s head. But nothing like this, no.
He knows all of his classmates have certain traumas, and so that’s why he’s careful to never cross the line.
He never makes hanging jokes around Kaede because that’s how her sister commited suicide, he never makes incest jokes around Korekiyo because his sister was messed up and groomed him, and he especially never ever makes orphan jokes around Shuichi, because his parents basically abandoned him, and left him with his uncle.
And Shuichi knows about his abandonment issues, trust issues, and need for attention.
(Ah, but he did tell Shuichi a while back that he was getting better, and haven’t had any bad thoughts about people not liking him and such in a while, so he supposed that’s why he thought this prank couldn’t hurt him that much…
…But what if it really wasn’t a prank…
Ah shit, the intrusive thoughts again.)
So why would he help everyone pull a prank on him like this?
Unless… they really all did forget about him.
Unless they really are all bored of him.
Unless he doesn’t even exist.
Kokichi knew he was probably entering an… episode soon, but he didn’t expect it to be today.
Well, he also didn’t expect all of his classmates to literally act like he didn’t even exist, so that counts, too.
Kokichi’s breathing starts to get heavier, and he starts getting urges to do things that he hasn’t thought about in a long time.
He rocks back and forth on his bed, in the dark, alone.
He’s alone.
Kokichi shakily reaches for his phone in his pocket, and he finds himself dialing Shuichi’s number without even thinking about it.
It rings.
And rings.
And rings.
Eventually, he’s reached with Shuichi’s voicemail, which means he either hung up on him, or just didn’t pick up.
What.
Shuichi always answers him. He wouldn’t go this far to pull a prank. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t.
…Would he?
Kokichi knows he’s spiraling right now, but he can’t even find it in himself to care. He just needs to know if Shuichi still cares about him.
Kokichi, with trembling fingers, hurriedly types out a message, and presses send.
kokichi ouma: i love you
delivered: 9:38 P.M.
He waits for a response. Waits for Shuichi to pick up his phone, waits for him to call him back and apologize, and waits for even just a simple heart emoji sent back.
The hours pass by in a blur. Kokichi busies himself by making a snack, watching a movie, and doing some homework to pass the time. Kokichi never does homework.
Eventually, the clock reads midnight, and Kokichi figures that Shuichi must’ve answered back by now.
He picks up his phone, and goes straight to the messages app.
kokichi ouma: i love you
read: 9:41 P.M.
Kokichi chuckles.
Not a happy one, no. It’s a laugh full of despair, heartbreak, and betrayal.
His laughs get louder until he’s full on manic giggling, and starts rocking back and forth again.
He probably shouldn’t be getting so worked up over something so little like this, but…he does have quite a few mental issues.
Well, this does it, Kokichi thinks. If I thought about doing it before, there’s no reason not to do it now. Especially since it’s obvious nobody cares about me anymore. Not even Shuichi. He can’t yell at me for relapsing. Because he just doesn’t care.
Kokichi opens the bedside drawer, and pulls out a sharp razor that he hasn’t touched in almost a year.
———————
The next day, Shuichi sighed, happy that he could finally be done with the torture of having to ignore his boyfriend for a whole day.
He patiently waits for Kokichi to show up, but as the bell rings — once, the five minute warning, and then twice, signaling that class has started — he isn’t there.
The teacher walks in, and takes attendance. “Ouma Kokichi?” She calls out.
Everyone turns their heads to the seat he normally sits in, and he’s not there.
“Where is that little fucker?” Miu says under her breath, but the teacher still heard it.
“Language, Ms. Iruma!” She scolds her. “Has anyone seen Ouma? He did call early this morning and say he wasn’t sure if he’d make it today, but I just wanted to make sure.”
Shuichi is starting to get concerned. “Ah, he did?”
The teacher nods. “Yes, at about five-thirty this morning, he called and said he was feeling a bit sick, so he didn’t know if he’d be able to come to class today.”
Okay, now Shuichi is very concerned. Kokichi is never up that early, for one. And for two, if he wanted to skip class, he’d just do it — he’d never call in sick.
The rest of the classmates seem to be concerned as well.
“Oh no! Do you think he might’ve gotten upset at our prank?” Kaede gasps. “I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“Yeah, we just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine!” Kaito boasts, punching his fists together.
Shuichi inhales deeply, and raises his hand. “Um… may I go check on him? I know you said he might be sick, but—”
The teacher curtly cuts him off. “No, Mr. Saihara. You may not. If you are worried about him, you can check on him after school.”
And with that, she starts the class.
——————
Shuichi can't think of anything except for Kokichi for the whole day. His leg bounces in anticipation, and he barely registers anything that happened during class, or even during lunch.
He was dozing off at the lunch table right now, his thoughts running through the worst possibilities.
“Hey, Shuichi?” Kaede asks softly, and Shuichi snaps out of it. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” He answers half-heartedly. “I’m just… really worried about Kokichi.”
“It’s Ouma! Don’t worry about him, sidekick! He’s probably just pouting,” Kaito reassured him.
“I know, but… He-he has problems too, you know,” Shuichi said quietly, picking at his food with a fork. “I just hope he’s okay.”
“Saihara. It’s just like Momota said, he’s Ouma ,” Maki said flatly. Then, her tone softens. “He’ll be okay.”
Shuichi swallows all the doubt rising up in his throat. “O-okay. If you say so.”
——————
Finally, school ends for the day. Shuichi runs out the door, runs through the shortcut that Kokichi showed him, and runs to his dorm room.
He stops in front of the door, and hesitates.
What if he really is just sick? He thinks. Maybe he just didn’t want to get in trouble for skipping class again, so he had a change of heart…?
No, that’s not right. That’s not the Kokichi that he knows.
It wouldn’t hurt just to check on him, Shuichi supposes.
And with that, he knocks on the door, and waits.
No response.
Shuichi furrows his eyebrows, and knocks again, harder this time.
Still no response.
Shuichi’s expression hardened into something determined.
Alright, I didn’t want to do this, but… I suppose this is a good reason to use the extra key that Kokichi gave me, Shuichi deduces, then unzips his backpack and pulls out the spare key to Kokichi’s dorm room.
He puts it in the lock, turns it, and opens the door.
Shuichi is met with darkness.
No light from the overhead light, no light from a lamp, not even any light from the windows, which he notices the curtains over it are pulled shut.
Shuichi is getting more nervous by the second.
He cautiously makes his way through the living room, and then to Kokichi’s bedroom.
The door is shut.
Shuichi hesitantly raises a hand, and knocks.
“Go away,” He hears Kokichi rasp.
Shuichi sighs in relief. Oh, thank god he’s okay.
“Kokichi? It’s… It’s just me,” He calls out. “I heard that you called in sick this morning. Is that true?”
A dry chuckle comes from the other side. “Oh, so now you care about me?”
Shuichi bites his lip nervously. “I— Listen, it was just a stupid prank the class decided to pull on you, where we had to ignore you for the whole day. I didn’t really want to do it, but I did it anyway, a-and… I’m really sorry, Kokichi.”
Still, no response.
Shuichi sighs. “…Can I come in? Please?”
Silence is the only answer he gets, so he takes it as a yes.
Shuichi slowly opens the door, and he’s still met with darkness, but—
He sees the silhouette of Kokichi, bundled up in his bed.
Almost as if Kokichi can feel the eyes on him, he pulls the covers over him even more.
“…Kokichi?” Shuichi says quietly, and then flicks the light on. He can see Kokichi wince from the sudden exposure, but just buries his head further into his pillow.
Shuichi’s eyes take in the evidence. Clothes thrown on the floor everywhere, a half-empty bag of chips and a fully empty bottle of Panta on his bedside table, and—
Wait… are those…
….Bloodied tissues? Next to an equally bloody razor?
…No. It can’t be. Kokichi’s been clean for almost a year, why would he—
Oh.
Suddenly, it all comes crashing down on him.
God, how could he be so stupid?
Before he realizes it, Shuichi is crying. Hot tears stream down his cheeks, and a small sob escapes his lips.
“I- Oh my god, Kokichi, I’m— I-I’m so sorry,” He chokes, rushing over to his bed and pulling the covers off him, rolling up his sleeves to confirm his suspicions.
Yep. Thin, fresh red lines of blood scattered on his arms.
Kokichi seems surprised at the sudden treatment, but his eyes widen when he notices his boyfriend is crying.
“Oh— no, Shuichi, it’s okay—” He tries to reassure him, but Shuichi is having none of it.
“ No! ” He cuts him off, shouting. “N-no, none of it is okay. You called me last night, you needed me, and I ignored you a-all for a stupid prank , I should’ve seen the signs, but I was so desperate to… win? Or something? I-I don’t even know anymore, but—” He’s cut off by his own sob, and collapses on his knees next to the bed. “Kokichi, I’m so fucking sorry. ”
Kokichi frowns, and Shuichi notices his own tear tracks on his face, dark circles under his eyes and tangled, purple hair. His heart breaks even more.
“No, Shuichi, it’s okay,” He says softly. “It’s just like you said, it was a stupid prank. I just got way too upset over it, I was overreacting.”
“No, you weren’t,” Shuichi’s voice breaks, as he softly kisses the new wounds on Kokichi’s arm. “You weren’t overreacting. I should’ve known better with your abandonment issues, but I wasn’t thinking, and was being stupid, and I’m just… so sorry, Kokichi. I love you so much.”
Finally, a tear runs down Kokichi’s cheek, and he’s crying too. “I forgive you, Shuichi. And I love you, too.”
They hug, crying together, and their lips crash in the most heartbreaking, but most healing kiss they’ve ever had.
Eventually, they get up, and Shuichi cleans up Kokichi’s wounds — but not before kissing the new scars, and the old ones, too.
They fall asleep, cuddled up together in Kokichi’s bed, and they both feel more connected to each other than they ever had.
——————
The next day, Kokichi walks in the class, and is immediately crowded by everyone apologizing.
“Ouma-kun, we’re so sorry, we didn’t mean to hurt you,” Kaede says sadly, and pulls him in for a bone-crushing hug. “We all love you so much, and are always here for you no matter what.”
“I-I love you guys too, b-but- Akamatsu-chan, you’re crushing me—” Kokichi chokes out, slapping her back to try to get her to get off of him.
Kaede immediately releases him, and apologizes again, before handing him a two-litre bottle of Panta. “For any troubles I may have caused.”
Miu then runs up to him, and hugs him too. “You’re a little shit, but you’re my best friend,” She mumbles into his shoulder. “And… I’m sorry, too.”
Kokichi grins. “Wowwww, Iruma-chan actually apologizing to me?!” But then his expression softens. “I forgive you.”
If he feels any tears soak his arm, Kokichi doesn’t say anything.
The whole day, Kokichi is met with words of affirmation and gifts — like chips, Panta, and even a big stuffed teddy bear Kiibo got him.
He genuinely feels very… loved.
Amidst all the chaos, Kokichi pulls Shuichi aside.
“…Did you tell them?” He asks seriously. Shuichi looks surprised, but shakes his head.
“No, I promise,” He reassured him softly, and kissed Kokichi’s forehead. “I only told them that you had a really bad breakdown, nothing else. I hope that’s okay.”
Kokichi softly smiles, and hugs him. “It’s perfectly okay, Shuichi.”
—————
At the end of the day, Kokichi is snuggled up in his bed (his room freshly cleaned, a gift from Kirumi), drinking one of his new bottles of Panta and watching another movie.
Suddenly, his phone dings.
Kokichi gets the biggest smile spread across his face in the matter of a second.
shuichi saihara: kokichi, i love you more than anything in this world. you are amazing, talented, handsome, funny, and not boring at all. goodnight, sweet dreams, my love <3
read: 10:03 P.M.
kokichi ouma: thank you, i love you too >w< <3
read: 10:04 P.M.
shuichi saihara: :heart_emoji:
read: 10:05 P.M.