Chapter Text
???
Oi Ned, do you have any extra bandages? Mine ran out again and I can't find any in the usual alleyway
I was swinging around and cut my arm open on of one of those shiny new glass buildings
They really need to work on those, it's becoming a danger for your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man
—
Tony felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, startling him enough to drop the screwdriver he had just found under an interns desk.
Mumbling angrily to himself, he retrieved the phone from his pocket to examine the cause. Glancing over the texts, he had to reread them twice before soaking in the information.
—
???
Spider-Man?
Who is this?
I thought I installed a firewall on this number??
???
I think I typed in the wrong number...
that would explain the harder firewall, I just though my friend had upped his game.
Sorry to bother
Please don't try and kill me
I'll bite you
Later~
???
Woah woah woah hold up. Spider-Man, correct?
???
Uhh....
Frick..
No?
???
Honestly I never though someone could be so bad at lying through text
??? Changed ???'s name to Spiderboy
Spiderboy
It Spider-Man!!
???
That's not what I'm seeing, it clearly says Spiderboy
Spiderboy
Fine, in that case..
Spiderboy changed ???'s name to Blind stranger
Blind stranger
Didn't your parents ever tell you to respect your elders??
Spoderboy
Oh boy
🎶 Time to darken the mood 🎶
~I'm an orrrppphhaaann~
Blund Stranger
As the youth say, same
Spiderboy changed Blind Stranger's name to Boomer
Spiderboy
I'm glad we cleared that up
Boomer
What is wrong with your names
Spiderboy
What is wrong with yOU?
It's not everyday you text Spider-Man, as much as I hate publicity, you're acting weird about this
boomer
I'm a bit distracted from your firewall, nice structure
Spiderboy
Oh gosh, please don't do that, I have good reasons why I don't reveal under my mask
boomer
And that would be
Spiderboy
Let's just say family problems and leave it at that
boomer
Alrighty then
I might tinker with it later though, my attention span isn't too long.
Spiderboy
If you get bored I could just send some puzzles or school problems
boomer
School problems? How old ar you??
Are*
Spiderboy
No no no, I'm not in school, my friend's son comes to me for schoolwork constantly so I might send some over if I'm busy or something.
•-• <(...)
boomer
Alrighty then..?
Anyways, since you got you're identity all out there and all over, might as well spill some saucy beans
Spiderboy
r u one of those kidnapping guys that've tried getting kids through song and tacos or something
Because I'm not falling for that again you heathen
boomer
First of all, no thanks for asking
Second of all, Ive changed my mind
Spiderboy
U can't do that
Gimmie name
Boomer
Nah
Spiderboy
You fool..
You absolute tortellini..
My bite is venomous and you shall feel true pain starting from the day you crossed me
Where do you live
Boomer
What
Spiderboy
I need names
Boomer
And I need social interaction, sucks to be you I guess
Spiderboy
Do I just call you boomer forever??
Don't get me wrong, that's what you are and it fits
But if my friend goes snooping through my phone again, imma loose braincells from his borning lectures about strangers
*boring
Boomer
So I'm the only one with a nickname in your phone? Awww how sweet
Spiderboy
I wasn't lying when I said my bite was venomous
Boomer
As much as I'd love to sit and chat, the real boomer pirate wants me in a boring zoom chat meeting with even older boomers to do stuff for things
Cya vigilante
Spiderboy
Goodbye sir (ma'am?)
—
Peter banged his head on the wall. SOMEHOW his dumbass brain managed to find some stuff to clean up the jab on his leg, but now he finalized that he had no way to talk to Ned over the weekend. Not to mention a stranger who knows his way around firewalls now knows he's Spiderman.
He groaned as he climbed into his bedroom window, changing from his suit into normal clothes. Sitting down in his roller chair, he opened his laptop and began upgrading his firewall.
Damn strangers knowing how to do stuff
He remained salty throughout the entire night, staying up to add more passwords and whatnot to however hacky stuff works.