Chapter Text
You know that feeling where you're just dreading something for absolutely no reason? Like, nothing bad ever happened regarding it, no negative experiences, nothing that would make you hate it so much- but you just do?
Yeah. That's exactly how Sapnap felt.
The unfortunate time where his family insisted he come back to Texas and visit had finally come back around. Since he moved to Florida with Dream about a year ago, his family has tried getting him to come and visit at least once a month. He's usually good at finding ways to get out of it- MCC, traveling to see friends or friends traveled to see him, Florida's unpredictable weather- something.
No excuse he could come up with would get him out of it this time. According to his dad and step-mom, there's nothing more important than his little sister's birthday. He knew he could send gifts, spend all day on facetime with her, even fly his whole family out to Florida and take them all to universal. None of those were real options though. He knew his family didn't truly need to be in Texas to celebrate her birthday, they just finally found a reason Sapnap couldn't get out of.
There was no specific reason why Sapnap hated Texas so much. He tried to embrace it when he was younger- hanging a flag on his wall, using a southern accent around certain people, going to shooting ranges with his dad, hell, he even spent one summer working on a farm. He tried everything he could to feel like he belonged there.
He made sure he never told the other guys in his grade that he loved anime and Pokémon, that he spent his free time trying to learn how to skateboard. He didn't tell them that he played video games online with friends he had made around the world. All the parts of himself that actually made him happy were what Sapnap hid from everyone in his real life.
Despite his efforts, none of it worked. Nothing could change the fact that you just can't be gay in Texas.
Sapnap never experienced homophobia, not directed at him at least, but he grew up surrounded by it. The slurs kids threw around the hallways at school like they were nothing. The fear you could see a mile away in a young boy's eyes when someone would accuse them of being gay, knowing that if you were called it once, there was nothing you could do to shake that title.
Sapnap always made sure he never got put in that position. He did all the Texan things, like he played on all the sports teams in high school and he made sure he always had a girlfriend. He knew that having a girlfriend would be a risk, seeing that they of all people would be able to tell something wasn't connecting. He just made sure to keep things strictly above the belt and broke up with them after a few months.
It kind of gave him the reputation of a player, but a player was better than people finding out who he really was.
Once Sapnap met Dream and all his other online friends, he finally found people he could connect with. People who didn't use gay as an insult or made him do things he didn't want to do in order to fit in. They were just people who loved and accepted him for exactly who he is.
Well, at least he's pretty sure they would. You see, Sapnap hadn't actually told any of them about his sexuality. Whenever it came up in conversation, he lied and said he was straight. He would even talk about all the girls he dated in high school and college. Sapnap was 99% sure that none of his online friends- his real friends, would give him a hard time about being gay.
That 1% though. That 1% chance that maybe they would care, maybe they would harass him for it, maybe they would use their platforms to out him to the whole world. Even if it was just 1% that was based on his own fear and nothing his friends ever did, that risk was still too much for him.
It sounds dramatic, but it was honestly never really an issue. Sapnap felt comfort in knowing he had friends who were genuinely good people. He had no hesitation about finally moving out of Texas and to Florida when Dream asked him about getting a place together. He even dropped out of college early so he could move there sooner. Sapnap was also thankful that Dream was the one who asked to live together, since conversations about dating didn't come up too often between them. Sapnap knew Dream had his own not-so-great past with relationships, so he never pushed the topic.
Sapnap hiding who he is was never really an issue until one day, Dream begged him to join in on a video collaboration with Mr. Beast. One stupid video that introduced Sapnap to him.
Introduced him to a boy with a contagious laugh and full lips, who had wavy hair that whipped in all directions when he talked about something he enjoyed. A boy whose blue eyes felt like they weren't looking at a camera but looking directly at him. A boy who had the warmest smile he had ever seen. A boy who he knew would soon become a very important person in his life.
A beautiful boy named Karl Jacobs.