Chapter Text
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Gus was right. The rain didn't boil.
So why did it still make Hunter's skin crawl?
He was sitting in the wet grass, next to the captain and the human's girlfriend. He was soaked, and felt like water had seeped into his bones.
His uncle was dead. No, Belos was dead. He had died right in front of him, to the hands of a child. His abuser, his tormentor was gone. He was free. But a part of his stomach still twisted and made him feel nauseous. Belos raised him. He was the closest thing to a parent Hunter had ever had, he shouldn't be glad he was gone.
He was barely aware of Luz opening the door, over and over and over. He didn't register Gus's broken sobs as realization hit him. Hunter's eyes felt glossy as Luz turned back to the group, looking helpless.
Hunter's breath hitched as he realized even Luz was broken. Belos had succeeded in the Day of Unity, and Hunter had helped him blindly for years. He had helped a witch hunter .
Save this for later, a part of his brain scolded him. You need to help everyone else. They come before you. Hunter nodded slightly to himself as he lifted himself to his feet. He stumbled slightly, his arm still hanging limply at his side.
"Luz," he croaked. The human's eyes flicked up to meet Hunter's. "Luz, is your home near here? We.. we need to get out of the rain."
Luz nodded slowly. "Yeah.. yeah, it's nearby. Mami will take care of us. We should go." Luz shuffled over to Amity and the captain, helping both up, while Hunter headed for Gus.
"Hey, Gus. Breath with me, okay?" Hunter held up his left hand, breathing in deeply and counting to four. Gus quickly followed suit, and let himself be hoisted up by Hunter.
The group stumbled out of the woods and onto the paved sidewalk, no doubt getting strange looks from strangers sitting in their homes. Hunter didn't like this place. Each house looked exactly the same. How could the humans tell them apart?
The children followed Luz as she climbed the steps of a house - her house, Hunter thought. The human took a deep breath before knocking on the door. The group stood in silence, the only noise being the falling rain and a dog barking in the distance.
Hunter could hear his own breathing as they waited. His right arm, the arm with the sigil, burned. He was glad for the gloves and long sleeved shirt that covered the draining spell marks; he was sure that everyone would be fussing over him, when he wasn't even near the top priority right now.
He flinched as the front door creaked open, a middle-aged woman who looked like an aged up Luz standing in the doorway. She looked exhausted, the bags under her eyes accompanied by wrinkles and creases in her face. Hunter couldn't tell if they were from age or stress.
She gasped and a hand drifted upward to cover her mouth, eyes filling with tears. Luz smiled sadly, holding her arms out.
"Hey, Mom. I'm back."
Luz's mother sobbed and walked forward, falling into her child's arms. Luz wrapped her arms around her mother tightly, but Hunter barely registered the movement. He was frozen, arm slung over Gus's shoulder protectively. His eyes were foggy, and his hearing muffled as Luz's mother pulled back addressing the children.
Hunter had no idea what she was saying. All he could see was Belos's face emerging from the green sludge, pain etched in his expression.
"Why are you hurting me, Hunter?"
And for a second, Hunter couldn't breathe. His hands shook and all he could smell was the disgusting, rotting smell of Belos's curse, and he had failed him, he had failed his uncle. He was hurting the man who had raised him, who cared for him despite the nuisance he was, he was the reason Hunter was alive right now-
"Hunter?"
A hand reached out and gently touched his shoulder, too gently, and Hunter flinched away from it. Suddenly he was back in the rain, in front of the human's house, and everyone was staring at him. The others were all in the entryway, protected from the rain. Luz stood in front of him, her hand hovering between them.
"Hunter, are you alright?" She asked. He could feel his ears burning. He attempted to open his mouth, to say something, but he failed. Instead he just nodded, rubbing his hands along his thighs. He found himself doing this a lot. It was a way to relieve pressure, a way to ground himself. He realized numbly that he could move his arm again, and that he was regaining feeling in his fingers.
He had been standing here too long. The other's eyes bored into him, and he quickly stepped past Luz and into the house.
"I wasn't quite expecting company," Luz's mother began. She looked at all the children with sad eyes. "So forgive me if your sleeping arrangements aren't exactly comfortable." Luz nodded as her mother went to find sleeping bags. The group stood in silence, all of them trembling. Gus had stopped crying by now, but he still sniffed once or twice. After a while, Luz inhaled sharply and moved into her house, motioning for the others to follow her.
The children entered the living room, which was connected to the kitchen. Hunter walked numbly to the couch, collapsing onto it. Gus and Willow followed him, while Amity stood next to her girlfriend.
"Uhm, excuse me," a voice called from the kitchen, and the group turned towards the sound. At the table sat a- was that a basilisk? Hunter had known that Belos had run experiments on them- he had shown Hunter the results for a few tests he had done on them- but he had no idea they still existed. She flicked her scaly green tail, her blue eyes tracking the group. "Luz, you're- you're back! And you have your friends. That's nice."
Luz smiled sadly at the basilisk. "Hey, Vee. Has Mami been treating you well?" The basilisk- Vee- nodded, and slithered towards the group of rain-soaked children in the living room. Hunter watched as Luz's grip on Amity's hand tightened.
"That's good." Luz swallowed. Amity gripped Luz's hand back. Hunter couldn't bear the silence, but he couldn't find his voice. He couldn't take leadership in the situation, as he so often did back in the coven. After all, it was his job as a coven head.
Titan, he was a coven head. It never really dawned on him that at 16 he was in charge of an entire coven- and the most important coven at that. All the pressure and expectations fell on his shoulders, from the scouts below him and from Belos above him. He could feel the eyes of others bore into him daily, and he could feel the disapproving stares from the other coven heads. No doubt they found him annoying. There was no way he wasn't. He was just a scrawny kid with too many people relying on him.
"Okay, I was thinking," Luz's mother's voice brought him back from his thoughts. She had a sleeping back tucked under her arm, and two more that she had no doubt dropped on the ground. "For sleeping arrangements, Vee could sleep with me in my bed, and Luz can sleep in her bed. And then you guys can decide who sleeps on the couch. I have sleeping bags for everyone else."
"Thank you, Mami." Luz smiled warmly at her mother, who smiled back.
"Oh, and if any of you need anything, I'll be in my room." Luz's mom offered.
"Thank you, Mrs. Noceda." Amity smiled at the mother, who shook her head.
"No, no, please, call me Camilla. If we're all going to be living together for now, then please call me by my name."
"Well, thank you Camilla." Willow responded. "We appreciate it."
Camila nodded and smiled at the children, then led Vee out of the room.
"I don't have to sleep in my bed," Luz immediatly blurted out as soon as her mother had left. "I'm just saying. I'm fine with sleeping down here on the floor. Hunter, do you want to?" Hunter raised his eyebrows and pointed to himself in surprise, then shook his head no. Luz nodded and turned to the others with the same offer.
"I can." Willow placed a comforting hand on the human's shoulder. "Since you so clearly don't want to."
"Amity, do you want to take the couch?" Luz asked. The purple-haired witch blushed slightly and nodded. "Alright, then it's settled. The rest of us can sleep in the sleeping bags."
The group immediately went to get comfortable, all of them being exhausted. Luz brought Willow upstairs to show her the bedroom, then pointed everyone else towards the bathroom. She also grabbed a few extra blankets for Amity and everyone else sleeping downstairs. Hunter kicked off his shoes and placed them neatly at the end of his sleeping bag. The others threw them all over the room. He had no idea how any of them could leave such a mess behind them. Luz flicked the lights off, and Hunter slid into his sleeping bag with everyone else.
Hunter couldn't sleep. It's not that he didn't want to - he was exhausted . But he knew he had to keep watch over the group. He had to make sure that none of them were in any danger, or that someone didn't break into the house, or anything like that.
At least that's what he told himself.
He sat up, shivering. He hadn't taken off his gloves. He liked the comfort that they brought him, and also the fact that they covered the scars littered across his forearms.
Thoughts swam through his head, some comforting, and some not. No matter what emotions they brought, Hunter couldn't seem to get rid of them. He sighed and crossed his arms in an attempt to warm himself. He desperately thought back to his training, methods to keep warm or to fall asleep quickly, but he drew up a blank. What would the emperor think of him now, shuddering in a human's cold living room. He would be disgusted, a voice in the back of his head echoed. He would know that his beloved Golden Guard had failed him. He'd have to make a new one, one that wouldn't turn against him. One that wasn't useless. His breath hitched, and he covered his mouth with his gloved hand as Gus stirred.
No, no no no. He wasn't useless, he knew that. He had done his job and done it well. He wasn't a failure. Not like the other Golden Guards.
But he was. He had turned against Belos like all the others - the other clones . That's all he was, really. A worse version of someone Belos once knew. And he had failed like the rest of them. Belos would have his head for this. It's betrayal, it's treasony, and it's everything he had stopped in others who had crossed Belos. Was he destined to betray Belos, as all the others had? Was it written in his code, no matter how much he tried to deny it? Hunter's breath quickened as he considered this. His hands shook and he tightened his grip on his arms in an attempt to stop them. Belos expected you to fail, a thought cooed. He expected nothing less of you.
You're the same as all the others.
It dawned on him that he was struggling to breath. Tears swam in his eyes, and he hastily wiped them away. He couldn't wake the others with his whining. He was better than this.
But he still shook, and he still cried.
His breaths quickened as the thoughts swarmed in his head, thoughts of not being good enough and thoughts of punishments he had been subject to. He drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around them. He really was pathetic, wasn't he? Crying in a dark room, with no one noticing him. He really was a failure. He was the same as all the others.
"What a shame. Out of all the Grimwalkers, you looked the most like him."
The words echoed through his mind as each sob came out louder than the last. He desperatly gulped down breath after breath, but each one burned his throat. Was he even himself? Was he still a person if he was just a "better version of an old friend," as Belos had put it? Were any of his actions his own, if each thing had been done by somone before him? Someone, who looked so close to what Belos had wanted, but never enough. Hunter's face was not his own. He was parading around wearing a dead man's face, a face that belonged to someone who had died eras before his time. And each one before him had just been a failure. They weren't good enough, and they had been Belos's little guinae pigs until he found the one who bore his lost one's face. And Hunter had tried, he had tried so hard to make that face his own, but it came back to bite him each time. It wasn't his face, and he knew that. This wasn't his identity. This wasn't him.
He tasted blood, he thought numbly. He had been biting his lip as his hands shook and dug through his hair. Tears were flooding down his cheeks, and his entire body shook as sobs racked his body.
"..Hunter?" Someone asked groggily. Hunter gasped and a hand flew to cover his mouth. Someone had found him, and now he was going to be punished. He should have been more careful to not wake the others. "Are you alright?" A hand reached out from the darkness and landed on Hunter's shoulder. He flinched away from the touch and closed his eyes tightly. He didn't want to see his uncle's blue eyes glowing in the darkness, even though he knew he would be punished more for closing his eyes and flinching away. It showed weakness, Belos had taught him. It isn't good to be weak. Being weak gets you killed.
The hand retracted quickly, as if he had been burned. Shit, he had messed up. Now the punishment would be even worse. Just man up. But he couldn't. He still sobbed, and he couldn't breathe, and when his eyes were closed all he saw was his uncle's face, but if he opened them he was horrified of what he would see.
"This hurts me more than it hurts you, Hunter."
He whimpered and wrapped his arms around his knees, digging his head into his crossed arms. The person muttered something, and then they were talking louder but Hunter couldn't hear them, all he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears, and all that reminded him of was the throne room, and the throne room reminded him of punishments-
"..unter, can you hear me? Hunter?" The voice was calm and kind, nothing like his uncle's. Not even when he put on that mask and his silky smooth lies couldn't feel like anything but truths. This was genuine. This person cared. Hunter tried to take a deep breath, but instead inhaled too quickly and wheezed, and that made his lungs burn, and Titan he was messing this all up. Still, he managed to nod.
"Okay, that's good." The person sighed. "Hunter, can you look at me, please?" He slowly raised his head and opened his eyes. His uncle wasn't there. Instead, the human's purple haired girlfriend was sitting in front of him. She looked worried, instead of annoyed like Hunter expected. "Hunter, can you breath with me?"
She held up her hand, and Hunter knew she would try to do what Gus taught him, but it wouldn't work. Each breath burned and they came too fast and he couldn't see any near future where he could possibly go back to breathing normal. Still, he tried, just to make the witch feel better. She counted down as they inhaled together, but Hunter's breath hitched and he exhaled too soon and he started coughing and oh Titan how does he keep messing this up?
"That's okay, it's alright," Amity reassured, clearly sensing Hunter's distress. "Let's try again." Hunter nodded - or at least he thought he did, he couldn't tell - and wiped his eyes. This time he counted with Amity, although his hand shook far more that her's did. They sat there in the dark for Titan knows how long, just breathing. And Hunter could feel it working.
"There we go. Do you wanna talk about it?" Amity questioned, shifting her sitting position. Hunter suddenly felt his ears burning, and he shook his head.
"I.." Hunter swallowed. His mouth felt dry after not talking for a while. "I'm sorry you had to see that. A.. meltdown. Tantrum. I'm not sure what they're called. All I know is that it was stupid. I'm sorry." Amity's smile dropped and her face quickly turned concerned.
"Hunter, you don't need to apologize. That was a panic attack. Do you know what that is?" And his ears were burning even more now. He looked down, ashamed, and shook his head no. "Of course you don't. Sorry, that wasn't directed towards you. Just, of course they didn't teach you anything about mental health. Because why would you be mentally ill while in the Emperor's Coven?" The witch asked sarcastically. Hunter had no idea what she was talking about.
"Mental.. health?" He questioned, testing the words on his tongue. "What does that mean? Can my brain get sick?" Amity chuckled, even though nothing about this was funny. This was serious. Hunter had no idea that he had to worry about keeping his mind healthy along with his body.
"No. Mental health isn't the same as body health. It's like.." Amity paused. "A form of a mental illness is depression. It's like, when you don't feel like getting anything done, and you're super tired and overwhelmed all the time."
Hunter stared blankly at the witch. "That isn't normal?" Amity stared back.
"Uh.. no. Well, I mean, it is pretty common, but it isn't something everyone feels."
The two sat in silence as Hunter thought about this. The way he felt wasn't.. normal? Not everyone felt physically sick when they thought of getting out of bed? Not everyone felt like every little movement was pushing their body to it's limits. He swallowed, and realizee he had subconsciously started rubbing his hands on his legs. Amity had noticed, and was staring at his hands. He immediately stopped.
"Why do you wear those gloves?" She questioned, tilting her head.
"Uh.. I.. I'm not sure. They make me feel safe, and bring a bit of comfort, I guess." His tongue felt heavy as he spoke, like it was made of lead. "Sorry, that probably sounds really stupid."
"No, it doesn't." Amity reassured him. Hunter was pretty sure she was just lying to him at this point to make him feel normal. "I get that. I have this one shirt that makes me feel all warm inside whenever I put it on. I bet everyone here has something like that."
Hunter nodded slightly and tugged on the ends of his gloves. He was sure Amity thought he was stupid for sleeping with dirty gloves on, but he acted like she made him feel better. He didn't want to get on her bad side.
"You should try to get some sleep." The witch's voice was soft, and she yawned as she finished talking. "You need it. I'm gonna head to bed as well."
Hunter nodded, and the Blight shuffled back to the couch, true to her word. He waited until she has finished adjusting her blankets, then crawled back into his sleeping bag.
Closing his eyes, Hunter felt safe for the first time in a while.