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Matthew dreamed and Dream rested. Dream hummed and Matthew breathed. Matthew woke up and Dream smiled.
They had been here, in their home, in their nest, in their own world, relaxing together, enjoying the peace around them. Letting themselves just exist and let go of the pain that had tormented them. Trying to heal. There was no need for distractions, Dream of the Endless had not only an infinity of stories to tell but also eons of knowledge to show and teach him about. The story was weaving the past, the present and the future, all the feelings tangled together, images illustrating it with Dream’s sand moving constantly, creating forms, characters and places. The tale never stopped. Matthew was exhausted and slept more often than not but his dreams were full of Morpheus’ voice, always calming him, making him feel safe.
His dreams had become stranger than ever since he had become a Raven, yet nothing could compare to what they were now (after everything that happened). With Dream of the Endless guidance nothing was out of his reach. And wasn’t this a very strange thought? To realise that the one he served could and would open any doors, any passages, any places he wished to discover? And he wanted to knows. Too tired to do anything else but rest he dearly wished to spend as much time as he could with Dream and learn (understand).
“Boss?
“Yes, Matthew?
“What was there before? Before everything started, what existed? Matters, molecules, life? How could all this had been created? How did life arise?
“Life goes on without worrying about Before. There was no creation, no reality. Nothing. Just darkness and silence. Silence broke and of it came Time. So the Darkness became Night and Destiny began to unfold.
“Is it true?
“What do you believe in?
“I believe that everything exists, that everything can exist and that everything has already existed.
I believe that the Universe is governed by laws infinitely more complex than what I can understand.
I believe in a multitude of possibilities. Because all of you showed me so.
“Then you have your answers.
“They don’t truly makes senses.
“Your mind is still used to think as a human, but you are more now. Soon, you will begin to truly comprehend what you perceive. What you can see.
“It doesn't feel like it. I touched so much! And it’s only giving me a headache!”
Dream chuckled. “So much impatience my Raven.” Matthew groaned weakly before Dream decided to take pity on his companion. “However I can help you see what you missed, then understanding may come and give you peace. Sleep Matthew.”
The fall began and his consciousness slipped away before a gust of wind and warm sand helped him fly into the infinitude of (realities) dreams.
We will begin in the present little star.
He could not recognise the place yet knew they were at a crossroad. Three women standing, yet only one voice booming and distorted came from their mouth. In front of them a tall figure, hooded, the sounds of pages fluttering coming from his cloak, chains binding him; an immense shadow made of wings and darkness, hands covered in life shining and dazzling any eyes daring to look at them; two molten golden eyes dissecting the women, craving leaking from their prowling form, passion barely restrained, hunger in a terrifying smile ready to consume.
A shriek of anger, pierced through the fog of silence and sounds was now clear. The women (three and one but not one yet three) talked.
“It's not about what you want or even what you need, but what must be. It always has been so. The story is written and will happens in a way or another. You have a path to follow yet you dare refuse? The question you have to ask yourself today is: "What is my place in this tale and how can I be what I must be?”
Dream warmth hummed against him pensively. Matthew wondered what he was thinking about until Turning pages cloaked chains Book talked.
“There's as much stories as there are speck of dust or stars; an infinity who never cease to be renewed. Every single one have a lesson to give, a message to tell, a murmur the wind whisper in a song older than Time itself. Which one do you want to listen to today?”
“This is not an answer.”
Boss, you told me Time was first? Silence and Darkness were, little Star. The Song broke Silence. The Story began then. And so did Destiny’s Book before my brother even existed.
Then Shadow wings Life smiled coldly.
“Yet it is ours. Fate is written but Destiny is never ending. Fate is bound by their own existence, Destiny is chained to existence yet free to walk their own path. You can choose your way, you can go at the pace you want, be alone or accompanied. You can live as you wish and so will your destiny happens. Fate is only an echo of possibilities who has yet to unfold. You are what is left at the end, a stone carved with a tapestry of choices.”
A laugh relishing the agitation of it’s prey. A silken voice sweet barely disguising the poison it contained.
“You do not have the answers to everything. Neither do we. However, where you can perceive some, we will live them. You can not escape this and you tried to impose it on us. What “must be” is an illusion and we broke it.”
Book and Chains hooded Cloak made a step forward.
“So. Let me ask again: Which story do you want to listen to? Which answer do you seek?”
Matthew croaked in confusion and Dream brushed Sand fingers warmth Stars against his feathers. Look at the past my Raven.
So they flew again. Landscapes fading, places made and destroyed, a step through the void, a fall and a smile. Then… A familiar scene.
“Boss! Lucienne was asking if… Boss? Boss!” Dream of the Endless flinched at the voice.
“Matthew?
The words were blurred. The picture was fluctuating. Look Matthew. See.
The raven in the image disappeared and only Morpheus stayed, looking at a bright red arrow.
A meeting between old friends, yet no Raven. An Endless leaving, not planning to come back any time soon.
This was what The Fates had weaved and Destiny remade. The answer they are seeking is an echo of this.
They fell and the crossroad was beneath them once more. Three of one and Three was whispering dangerously.
Three sentences at the same time yet different. Then one in a shout.
“You who already destroyed so much for your own gain, you who fought against us and lost, you who bowed to Predestination; YOU ALREADY CHOSE.”
But Life in Sunless wings sighed. “We choose now. We choose to be here and stand against you once more for you went back on your words.”
Passion hunger want Emotion laughed “Rules were the shackles I knew they were. Yet not for the reason I thought. They were walls you helped create between us, separating us from the universe, from ourselves and each other. My siblings lost this first war for they were fighting alone and hurt. You knew that and made sure it would not change. You were scared. The Rules only existed to protect you in the end. And now we fought and we won. Your power over us is no more!”
Book chains and Blind eyes’ voice boomed. “What I did, every actions I made, was my right as the Elder of my Family. You took it as an insult and interfered. You harmed one of ours and the core of who he is. The promise made between us had always been a lie, yet stayed for we could not fight back. We can now. The pact is no more after this new betrayal. In this narrative, it will be the last against Us.”
The One woman and Three screeched but it was too late.
“Your desire to know all and impact it has been heard. And you will receive your due.
“Your wish to outlive us and have your work show only your truth has been seen. And you will receive your due.
“Your ambition for control and power has been perceived. And you will receive your due.”
The picture shattered and only a storm of sand remained.
Matthew woke up with a gasp.
“Breath little star, it’s alright. You are fine, you are safe.
“It… doesn’t feel like it.”
He whimpered in pain. His mind was hurting, trying to remember something it knew yet could not access. All was jumbled together.
“Boss? What’s… What’s happening to me?” A deep sigh. He felt Morpheus move and nuzzle his head, breathing softly warmth in his body.
“You were in the middle of the conflict between the Fates and my Family. You have been resting for a long time my Raven. I did all I could during your sleep to protect you from the backlash. Telling stories, showing you tales and memories… It helped your mind to settle. However I can not undo all the damages.
“So the reason I have been trying to learn so much…?
“Your soul and mind are trying to cope with what they have witnessed. You were in the middle of a War, even our bond could not save you from the consequences.
“What…? Boss this doesn’t makes sense.
“Are you sure Matthew? Or are you only denying what you fear?”
The question was terrifying for it’s accuracy. The bird whimpered at the thought. Dream did tell him he would try to give him answers to bring him peace. Told him he would be able to see. That he was able to understand. And Matthew never denied it for he knew the truth of it.
He had been dying. His soul had been unravelling. His heart should had stopped and he should had never been able to breath again. Yet he did. Yet here he was. The threads of Fates who had took him prisoner and killed him had been unmade and Death had been here to stop him from resting in the Sunless Lands.
The Universe being rewritten had been War against the Fates. It had been a slaughter, for the Endless working together were not a force that could be denied or stopped. They had been relentless, fighting the Sisters on every fronts and accepting nothing but total surrender.
The confrontation at the crossroad was only the conclusion of it. The price the loserhad to pay for starting the conflict in the first place.
And the Raven knew he should never had been able to knows this Before. But the Before was presently as much a part of him as was the Now. He wanted to cry, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to scream. Denial had been a sweet relief for the short time it lasted but it was not eternal.
“This is what you feel, isn’t it? The previous… Universes? Time? Wolds Before? They never existed and yet had always been here, are a part for you, will always be. You will change but never forget.
“Yes.
“This is terrible.
“I know.”
Matthew shuddered before discarding his fear to ask the question who had been burning inside his mind for so long, since he had discovered that things had changed drastically.
“Boss, if your brother had not intervened, I would never had been like this, right?” Dream didn't answer at first, just humming softly but there was no tension in the hands softly brushing his feathers.
“You would have been different, yes. Yet no better or worse.”
He peered into two eyes made of stars and understood what wasn’t said. He may not have been better or worse but Dream would have been. And not for the better. This was the only answer he needed to chose what to do now.
“Boss?
“Yes Matthew?
“Help me makes some order of the mess in my mind? That chaos is annoying. I’m seeing double or blurry. And I have no idea of what happened when? I’m pretty sure I saw the future at one point. Or only a possibility? Possibilities? What a mess.
“I will always help you if you wish it so.
“I definitely do. But first thing first… White and green may be nice Boss, but I do prefer black and red. Just so you know.”
There was a heavy silence only broken by a little smile full of contentment. Matthew decided it was good enough and steeled himself before finally deciding to take the plunge.
“So. Where do we begin?”
Dream crooned a low melody, methodically preening the feathers under his hands before answering a long moment later.
“We already began. Past and present. You also felt some parts of a future not ours anymore. The ending is not yet written but the present is ours. Now come the hardest task. A journey of discovery.
“Did you decide to be more cryptic than usual today?
“Did you not understand what I meant?
“That’s really not the point.
“Matthew.
“Fine, fine! It’s about finding myself in the middle of all that are yours stuck in me, right? Our bond absorbed the most important parts but there’s still a lot that doesn’t belong to me.
“So?
“So…. I have to find who I am and let you take back what is yours.
“What is mine is yours my Raven, you are my Keeper after all. I will only shield you from it’s influence and takes what would harm you.”
The bird hesitated an instant but the encouraging smile of Morpheus gave him some resolve to confess his thoughts with a petulant voice.
“You know, with all that happened you never finished your explanation of that Keeper things.” And Dream laughed affectionately.
“Then my Raven, this is where we can continue and let yourself find the answers you seek.
“You really can’t explains anything properly, can you?” The amused smirk answering him made him croak indignantly. “You can! You annoy-”
His sentence cut itself while he fell asleep, letting the smug look of Morpheus being the last thing he saw.
As always he fell. He flew.
This time it was through a storm, following an invisible tether, making him land on a window, observing Dream being catatonic after Hob’s sudden departure of the Dreaming.
It was Dream falling blindly and landing in a forest by his side, finding him.
A Guide.
Morpheus losing himself inside his own head, unaware to the world around him, to humanity, to himself.
Finding a refuge in a raven, a way to see, to open himself, to get free of his burdens and share it’s load with someone he trusted.
Matthew always here to listen, to share, to help, to counsel.
Finding each other and knowing your Secrets had found a place to rest safely in.
A Confident
Friendly fighting, heated exchange of words, pecking a face, being tossed into a pillow, rolling over the ground, shooting into a delicate pile of bedding, an outraged croaked, a hug, tears, screams, anger and hurt, sorrow, pain, anguish, acceptance, love, safety, rest, freedom, care, protection, comfort.
A Home.
Matthew flew and saw and understood.
A Keeper was the core of an Endless given freely to someone who would accept it unconditionally. They had a primary function attached to it, Keeper of Secrets for him, and the protection that entailed.
“He is my emotional support Raven. His name is Matthew.”
And there was nothing more Secret to Dream than his own emotions.
Matthew flew.
The storm of emotions took him off guard and he began to plummet through their heart and soul. Both his and him. Him and he. Finding each other. One Star made of a raven Heart and the Cosmos made of a dreaming Soul. One soul and two hearts; One heart beating at the rhythm of their two souls dancing together.
And dance they did. Falling through Time together and laughing, twirling among stars, mirroring each other energy, a tempo followed in unison making their tumbling plunge into an awareness of Them.
Matthew and Dream flew together, through the heart spilling what it had kept hidden all along.
“I can’t do this anymore Matthew! You’re a selfish bastard, you know that? Overprotective, hovering all around me, never letting me breath in peace! Just because you are worried. Can’t you just let me be?
“I thought… You told me you didn’t mind!
“Because you don’t listen! It’s always about you and you and you! Go back to your little selfish world but for God’s sake leave me out of it!
“Brother, wait!
“Go to hell you bastard and leave me the fuck alone!”
Anger and pain fighting in his heart. Was it truly so bad to care? To want to protect someone you loved? To trust the words of the one who said them?
Doubt and guilt. Was it truly all about him? Was he really so self-centred? Did he mess everything up? He never meant to! He had only wanted to help! Was it asking too much to find someone he could trust, could care for, help and… Receive it in return? All he wished for was…
After the accident, after falling into a coma, this was the final dream of his heart: A family and a Home.
Matthew and Dream flew together, through the soul showing what it had protected all along.
Listen! Echoes wandering to us. Listen and hear! A voice, soul, searching and yearning. A Dreamer. Yours. Listen! The song is crying. Grieving the impossible, making it real. Eternity of possibilities, harmony.
“And when life flow, slipping through my fingers, what can I do with the rest of my days?
I pray for you, my Friend and I hope we will meet again but I don't know if it will be in this life or the next.
I am still waiting and waiting for you. Maybe what I wish will happen before the end of time. Who knows? My desires pass in a sigh and the wheel turns endlessly.
I wait again and again, not knowing what to do. I know the answer may come soon or never relieve me, so what am I supposed to do, my friend? What to do when I don't know where you are. Can I... Just a sign. Just a word. A whisper a scream but please, no more silence, I beg you.
Tell me, please can you hear the music, the wind blowing through the branches? Night falls on the forest, the birds are silent, the stars shine and the wind sings. Do you hear it? Can you see the stars I wish upon?
Time passes and disappears and I stay there, sitting, without moving, waiting for a dream who has abandoned me. And yet, I will still be here. I won’t leave my friend. Do you remember me, or am I only a thought long forgotten? Are you looking at the stars too, wishing to come but choosing to stay away?
Time has always led me to you and I can only hope living will do the same.” A pause. A sigh.
“What’s the point of life if you can’t appreciate death? And what’s the point of death if you haven't lived?”
A tear.
“I will love every things I lose to death and give meaning to what I live through my Friend. I promise I will. But you have to know… I refuse to die until I tell you the truth about what I feel and hearing your answer, or what would be the point of going thought all of this?”
Silence.
Boss?
Brace yourself little star, we still have a long way to go.
“This is forever you know? All of us, it doesn’t matters where we began nor where we are going. It never did. Because we will never end. Never forget that Dream, we are a Family without End and whatever we will Be, this is our only certainty.”
Laughter. Destiny running after death trying to hit her with his Book, Dream cheering them on, laughing harder than ever.
Anguish. Death screaming and weeping, howling in fury. Dream running behind her, trying to catch her, but it was too late; The Fates were here. Death and Life the Beginning the End all in One. The sheer rage burning the shadows, the light, eating away anything touching Her, the fight annihilating everything around them. Destiny on the ground terribly silent. Destruction sobbing, staggering under the shock, falling under the pain. Dream watching, trying to reach out, failing. Powerless under the might of the brand new Rules erecting walls around them all, separating them, cutting them off from the Universe, from each other.
Dream letting one tear fell then cutting himself from the pain, the betrayal of it all (for it was his sister who cut herself of from them, the beginning of all as always), the longing for love haunting him (the terror of the concept burning him from the inside).
Joy. New siblings oh so wonderful and precious.
Horror. Not being able to communicate with them properly.
Agony. Losing his little sister. Delight breaking and he lost the one he had been unable to stay with, to help and love her as she deserved and now she was gone.
Turmoil. Destiny using all he had to go against the current of Fates, splintering himself to save their youngest. Delirium was born and he wanted to cry. She was brilliant and magnificent. He still could not reach her.
Heartbreak. Destruction leaving without looking at them, ashamed of himself. Dream only wanting to scream “It was not your fault, it was not you, we failed you, please stay, let us explain, let us help.” Losing his words and watching his little brother going even farther than he already was from all of them. Destiny sighing and letting him go, going back to his own realm without a word. Death losing herself in her job. Desire angry, biting, feral, always searching to hurt him (yearning for attention and love he wanted to give them but didn’t knew how anymore).
Despair dying and living (why could they not do more to help? It wasn’t enough) closing herself in her realm, only accepting Desire touch, shying away from her eldest siblings. Delirium always on the move, never staying still. Never staying at all.
Exhaustion. Alone, always alone, always cold, never knowing what to do, following Rules and duty to not lose himself even more. Loving but never trusting, too anxious to break like Death did once. Being more and more tired, but never able to stop caring, always trying to be kind yet never able to show it.
Defeat. Captured. Contained. Waiting for nothing, losing even more, knowing there was no one waiting for him.
Hope. Lucienne. Matthew. Death. Hob. Destiny. Breaking the first wall of the Rules, feeling his Family once more. Desire reaching out tentatively; being able to catch them and make them feel how loved they were. Despair and Delirium answering soon after. Destruction looking back for the first time in eons.
Love. Hob. Robert Gadling. Being here, waiting, loving him, always. Seeing him as he was and still wanting him. Ready to talk and listen, to take their time. To swear an Oath to stay at his side. Home. Trusting once more. Letting himself open up even more. Matthew at his side, always. Understanding. Safety. Laughter once more, caring easily. Still being tired, but being accepted and taken care of when he needed it. Nuzzling soft feathers and feeling a silky head bop against his cheek in return.
Torture Misery Torment. Matthew dying, slipping away, taken too soon, please no no no no no, not this, no, he could not, he can not, please not him, not this, he would do anything, please, not this, not ever, he refused (Finally understanding why Death did what she did. For losing the core of who you were was losing all of you, all of the Universe, your whole Family. Creating walls so they would still be lost to you but safe from the pain you felt).
Rules shattering. Freedom at last. True understanding washing over them all. Being manipulated again and again by Three and One who feared their power and infinity. Finally feeling not only Endless but also Limitless, all of them, together, as it should always had been.
Matthew cried tears of sand, stardust shining on him, light and shadow covering him in a blanket made of safety. He let Dream take away the terrible infinite pain who was blurring his mind, feeling the truth of who Morpheus was settle in him: the overwhelming emotions, this precious secret lying behind eyes made of stars, being his to Keep and protect.
And yet…
Boss? Morpheus? Dream? I still… I do not understand.
Oh Matthew, you will. You do. But the past had to be showed so you could comprehend the present. Then, only then, will you see.
But I saw you already. I saw myself. I saw your Family. What is there left?
Watch my little star, let the present unfold.
Three and One shrieking. Book cloak and Chains, Shadow of Darkness shining of Life, Golden burning Passion prowling: All talking. Sentencing.
And you will receive your due. For your Desire, you will know All but never be heard again, for your wish, you will Live until the end and see all you feared happens, for your ambition, you will be as powerless as you had made us once and be Destined to be bound by your own folly.
Y ou will never Dream, never Create, never Hope, never know Delight. Never again.
SO MOTE IT BE
Do you see now? See where we are? Where we are going?
The Fates put too much strain on… The present? So the future was muddled?
Yes.
The Future. You want to show me the future. No. No, Possibilities? That’s what I said earlier.
Possibilities indeed. What the Sisters did was pushing us on only one road, taking away choices, erasing possibilities. So from the present, you saw only what was available, the past. From the past, you could understand the present. And from the present, one free from limitations…
We see the future.
Shall we My Raven?
Ah, what the hell? Let’s go!
Together, they fell.
Reality and Dream was one and the same, identical and so different, finally smiling, at peace. Destiny laughed and Delirium jumped from nowhere, scaring Desire who only threw a heated glare at their elder brother who knew what would happens. Death was eating a cake, talking vehemently to a Destruction smiling while petting a Dog. Despair sighed and Dream turned back to braid her hair with more of less skills with Matthew preening his hair while talking about something he saw in the Waking world. Desire interjecting asking about their big brother’s date with Hob. Destiny tattling about their latest mishaps and Dream blushing under the following laugher.
Together, they flew.
Robert Gadling teaching with a smile on his face. Dismissing his class, putting his belongings in his bag while humming, walking out of the campus and stopping dead, eyes wide. Smiling foolishly and walking faster to Dream waiting for him awkwardly with a little smile on his face and flowers in one hand.
Taking each other hands and walking to the New Inn to celebrate their now annual Date of the day of their first encounter.
Together, they landed.
Dream and Matthew, in the Dreaming, talking softly to each other. So similar to who they were right now that the scene must be very soon. So soon they could almost believe they were already there. So close they knew it would be the first things they would do after Matthew would be fully healed.
A breeze of sand and the conversation floated to them, echoing, fixing itself in their heart.
“I know that project was important to you Boss but… This won’t do at all.” Matthew was clearly agitated, his voice anxious.
“This nightmare should… Not be. Yet it is part of me. I can not just unmake it. This possibility was real not so long ago but the memory of it linger.” Morpheus was more troubled than worried but his hands were shaking a bit. His Raven bopped his head on them until he began to pet him gently.
“I know Boss. I know. But does it need to be a nightmare?
“What do you mean?
“You could make it a dream.”
Dream looked startled at the idea. He frowned and began pacing.
“I do not know how to make it a dream. This is… Too close.” He stopped an instant, lost in thought. “But you could.” The Raven croaked in surprise.
“Wait. Wait a minute. Me? Making a dream?” Morpheus smiled and nuzzled him before letting a simple murmur ruffle the black feathers.
“If not you, who then? Who knows me better than anyone else My Raven? You know me. You see, you understand. So yes Matthew, I would like you to help me make my nightmare into a dream.”
The bird looked at the black form splattered with red flowers, the sheer exhaustion coming of it and it’s resignation. Could feel the white in the hairs and the green heart trying to have a place and feeling lost.
The Raven looked back at Morpheus and saw the trust in the twin stars staring at him.
Yes, he knew what they could create with this.
They woke up, together.
They were still in Dream’s bed. Time had passed and yet it was almost nothing. Dream was still tired, Matthew was still healing. But everything had changed. Maybe it would get better, maybe it would go wrong. But they were together. They had choices. They had a family ready to try to works together again. They had a man in love ready to build a lasting relationship.
They had hope.
“Boss?
“Yes Matthew?
“Promise me you won’t freak out?” Taken aback Morpheus sat up to look at his Raven, puzzled. But only a steady stare answered him. He frowned in confusion but finally nodded his assent.
“About that dream making… What about a wildlife garden?”
Dream just looked at his Raven in surprise, not understanding what he meant. The bird croaked in amusement, nestling against his chest.
“What I mean Boss, is that maybe it’s time to let that part of you know, the one who have grown in fear and restrain, that it can grow free. And an environment made to be a haven for wildlife would be exactly what it needs.
“This sounds like a good idea. But why would I… “freak out”?
“Because you would have to use your emerald as it’s core.”
The long silence following the statement was mournful. But Dream tensed up suddenly before his eyes twinkled in amusement at a sudden thought.
“You know, if you wanted to have a free access to grains and seeds you could just ask.”
The following indignant squawk coming from his Raven was beautiful and he laughed heartily at the flapping of wings and the pecks against his throat.
But once the both of them calmed down, Dream brushed his fingers on Matthew’s head and said the only think that could embody all that he felt, all that his raven meant to him. The only thing that had been true all along between them and would always be.
“I truly am grateful to have you in my existence, my little star. So I thank you Matthew the Raven. Thank you for being at my side.”
Matthew bopped his head against Dream’s hand and gave the only answer that was and will be true.
“Always.”
And so, Dream of the Endless and Matthew the Raven let themselves rest, knowing there was nowhere else they wished to be than at each other side, being safe and loved unconditionally.