Archive of Our Own

They disembarked at one of the Lumo Archipelago's smaller outer islands with backpacks stuffed to bursting, Sanji's familiar hand-pulled grocery cart laden with clothes and familiar comforts, and a lot of snotty tears on Sanji's part (which were only for the ladies, of course).

"Mellorines," Sanji moaned, twirling and hugging himself and throwing himself this way and that in utter misery, "I'll miss you so dearly! Stay safe, don't let Luffy anywhere near the kitchen, and remember the recipes I wrote you are—"

"Yeah, yeah, they're safe," Nami called down from the deck. She then pulled the tiny notebook of Sanji-approved recipes out of her bra, which made the Cook's eyes do the really annoying thing where they looked like they were popping out of his damn head. Zoro was over it already, so he gave his other Nakama one last look.

"We'll regroup soon," Zoro said, lifting one hand to his captain.

Way up on deck, Luffy grinned. "Shishishi," he laughed, "Good luck, Sanji and Zoro! We'll meet up soon with the Mera Mera no Mi."

At that, the whole crew snapped to attention. "Yes, Captain!" Chopper hollered, safe up high on Brook's shoulders. He had been crying and sniffling a moment ago at Zoro and Sanji's departure but was now putting on a brave face for the Strawhats' latest adventure. While they were obviously strongest all together, splitting up for a period of time was just a fact of life at this point.

Zoro and Sanji were disembarking first, as the Lumo Archipelago was en route to where Robin, Usopp, and Brook were planning to go next, investigating another rumor of the Mera Mera no Mi's whereabouts. During the last month the Strawhats had been compiling all the reports of Ace's Devil Fruit across the New World, and had decided upon the three most likely locations:

One, in the Lumo Archipelago, under the watchful eye of one Roland Vane, ex Level Six Impel Down inmate.

Two, associated with whispers of a man named "Joker," a name that ran all the way back to Big Mom on Fishman Island, and said quietly, with fear.

Three, in the clutches of one of Blackbeard's supposed allies, and maybe even Blackbeard himself. This was the one Luffy himself was to investigate, along with Franky for sheer firepower, Nami for support, and Chopper to stitch them all together afterward.

The Lumo Archipelago job had some interesting stipulations that had made it a match for Sanji and Zoro, no matter how unwilling or unsure they were about the whole thing… but when it came to the Mera Mera no Mi, to their beloved Captain's brother's Devil Fruit, things like embarrassment and personal strife mattered very little.

So there they were, all of their belongings beside them, ready for a weeks or even a few months-long infiltration mission.

Just Zoro and the weeping blond behind him. Yikes.

"Bye, Lovebirds!" Nami called.

"Have a SUPER time! Remember to be convincing!"

"Hold each other's hands," Robin added, waving happily.

"Robin-chwan, Nami-swan," Sanji implored, reaching up and out towards the rest of the crew way up high on the Sunny's deck, "Don't leave me here with this brute. I'd much rather pretend to date one of you!"

"Byeeeee!" Nami called in response, and grabbed Robin to drag her away from the railing.

"Don't forget the souvenirs," Usopp called with one last wave. Brook blew them both a rather fancy kiss, twirled on one foot, and disappeared with Chopper.

Franky shot a firework out from somewhere below the belt, yelled "YEOW!" in either delight or genuine pain, and wandered off too. Then it was just Luffy, who crossed his arms and looked at them seriously.

"Do your best," he said.

Equally as seriously, Sanji and Zoro nodded. "Yes, Captain," they chorused.

"Bye!" Luffy waved, then backflipped off the railing to join the others. A moment later, Sunny's achor started to rise, and shortly thereafter they were truly alone. Zoro turned to his companion, who was clearly uncomfortable from the rigid way he stood and the two cigarettes in his mouth at once.

There were several things Zoro could say, and a bunch that he wanted to say, but ultimately Zoro just sighed, shouldered his backpack, and said, "Let's go." Wordlessly, Sanji followed.

The Lumo Archipelago was a fraction of the size of Sabaody. While it had a number of small islands clustered together, perhaps two dozen, they were smaller and much closer together. Even from here Zoro could see the brightly-painted arched bridges that connected the islands, looking like a long, wavy serpent stretching into the distance. This outermost island was mostly sand, with the occasional hut here and there, while the ones in the center were much more developed. This tiny one kinda looked like any other island out there in the world, with none of the glow that had given the Lumo Archipelago its name.

As they reached the first curved bridge and started the ascent, Zoro finally grunted, "I thought there'd be more glowy shit. Y'know?"

Sanji had calmed a little, both cigarettes ashed and carefully stored in a container in his pocket. "Yeah. I think all the pretty stuff happens at night."

During the day Lumo was pretty standard. Gorgeous turquoise waters and soft white sand, to be sure, but standard. The huge mushrooms that popped out of the grasslands and towered overhead were different but not entirely unfamiliar. So far Zoro was unimpressed, and he was unimpressed with this mission as a whole.

Sanji had the map. Robin had acquired quite the network of contacts in their two years apart, and a lot of what she had done with the Revolutionaries they were still learning about. But she knew someone who had unfortunately passed in the fight at Marineford who had a house here on one of the Lumo islands, which suited their needs perfectly. Zoro and Sanji could be living here for weeks, or maybe even a month or two. Out of all three of the Strawhats' Mera Mera missions, theirs was the long con.

It would take a gentle sort of subtlety that Zoro had always lacked. Patience. Acting. Lying. Pretending.

It was a headache and a half, and Zoro wasn't happy at all about how it had to be him and the Swirly Cook who had to pretend to be married and all, but that's how life just was sometimes. A pain in the ass. So he grabbed Sanji's cart to pick up the pace a little and urged the blond, "C'mon, let's get to the house already, I need a drink."

"Of course you do," Sanji huffed, but he sent a thankful look Zoro's way for taking over the weight of the wheeled cart. Then things went faster, with all of Sanji's attention on the map. Their house was on an island much closer to the center of the Archipelago. A couple of the bridges connecting the busier islands had built-in platforms that moved all on their own, like a massive conveyor belt.

"Woooah," Zoro said, wobbling a little as he first stepped on. It carried him up the curve of the bridge as easy as anything, just like that! Around them were mostly couples and families. Lumo Archipelago was a quiet, homey place under the protection of the Red Hair Pirates. There were kids shrieking as they rode bikes down the steep curve of the bridges, and babies cooing and laughing in their parents' arms.

Beside him, Sanji was also admiring the view. The bright sun hit his golden hair in a way that made it shine, and the man's smile was genuine. He'd grown so handsome during their two years apart. This could have been a romantic moment, Zoro thought, one of those quietly domestic moments where he and his hypothetical boyfriend admired and took in the sights together.

"It's this one," Sanji said, pointing at one of the largest islands in the distance. They would connect at one of the other islands ahead first. From here Zoro could see a real town built onto that island, with roads and buildings, leaving the pretty empty sands to the outlier islands.

"Let's hope Robin's intel was good," Zoro said. "It would suck to get there and find someone else already bought the place."

"Are you doubting Robin-chwan?" Sanji asked, getting all up in his face, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists.

"No," Zoro said, growling right back, "I'm just saying, what the fuck do we do if we gotta change the plan in such a big way? I don't know jack shit about getting a house, let alone how marriage certificates work around here—"

Sanji's hand clapped across Zoro's mouth. It was salty with sweat, which Zoro noticed because he stuck out his tongue to lick Sanji's palm to make the blond recoil in disgust, which surprisingly, he did not.

"Ew," Sanji said though, tightening his grip on Zoro's face. "Marimo, we can't talk about that out here. Got it?" He leant in to speak right into Zoro's ear. He smelled of cigarettes and sea spray. "We don't know anything about Vane yet, who his people are, nothing. So shut the fuck up, okay?"

Zoro could see the point. In addition to Sanji being a guy his age that Zoro could, theoretically, be in a believable relationship with, Sanji was good at this kind of shit. Infiltration. The long, detailed plans. Mr. Prince in Alabasta came to mind. That's why the crew had decided on Sanji for the Vane mission.

His entire life Zoro had been the rush ahead and dive into danger type, and this delicate sort of mission with Vane had him on edge.

"Right," Zoro said, when Sanji finally removed his hand. "I slipped up. Sorry."

Sanji scowled at him, like Zoro apologizing was something new and unexpected (are you kidding? Perona would ruin his day if Zoro forgot his damn manners). "Anyway," Sanji said, "We'll check out the house. If it's not ready for us, we'll figure something else out then."

And with that, they continued on their way. Within an hour's walk they were on the correct island and heading towards the small house Robin had indicated on the map Nami drew. In Sanji's pocket was a marriage certificate with the names blank, as they were still figuring out their temporary aliases. Usopp and Nami were both great forgers, and Franky had whipped up two believable-looking wedding rings quick as anything. The metal bands kept distracting Zoro every time Sanji gestured with his hands as he talked.

As they walked the final few blocks to their temporary home, Zoro took in the sights. There was a small community library, a spot for a weekend open-air market (Sanji would enjoy that), a strip of small, cute boutique-type shops that sold stuff Nami and Robin would like, and a few community playgrounds, even a school. Lumo really was a family-oriented place, Zoro thought.

"It's here," Sanji said, reaching out and placing a hand on Zoro's shoulder to stop him. Zoro stopped and looked up—then Sanji spun him around because he was looking at the neighbor's house apparently—and he took it in.

The house really was tiny. Cozy, maybe. It was one floor, with a porch out front that was covered and had some dusty-looking wicker furniture. Looked good for naps. The mailbox was overflowing with mail, with some having fallen out to the wooden floorboards of the porch.

"312 Enoki Street," Sanji said, poking Zoro in the chest, "Don't forget."

"Enoki Street," Zoro repeated dutifully. He was definitely going to forget.

Sure enough, Robin told them that a spare key was just inside the cloth cushion on the loveseat outside by the zipper in the back, and Sanji fished it out deftly. He still looked a bit jittery, like he was nervous the neighbors were watching, but he smoothly put the key in the lock and let himself in. Zoro followed, hefting the large cart full of their belongings up the steps into the living room.

The house smelled musty as fuck. Everything was still, and quiet, and… lonely.

Zoro knew for a fact the owner had died in Marineford. Seeing the items from her life here, proudly displayed on the kitchen fridge with magnets or in framed photos over the fireplace, was hard.

Sanji too seemed somber as he took the place in. The decorations were kitschy and plentiful; the owner was the type to collect things like marbles, fridge magnets, and knicknacks.

"Thank you, Robin-chwan," Sanji said softly, and then turned to Zoro.

They eyed each other, now make-believe husbands in their new marital home. Being here made it feel real.

"Okay," Sanji said. "You and me, we gotta fake it until we figure out what's up with Ace's Devil Fruit."

"Yeah," Zoro confirmed. "I know the plan. Are you sure you can handle it?"

Sanji, with all his dramatic hatred for men and the way some occasionally looked at him with interest, and his obsession with women… could he handle pretending to be married to Zoro for a month or more?

"I can handle it," Sanji said, a familiar glint of challenge in his eye.

Zoro snorted. "Ok then, Cook, prove it to me. First let's clean this place out."

And they did. The first order of business was to get rid of this poor woman's stuff and move theirs in. Sanji carefully dusted and folded all of her holiday cards and family photos, storing them in a box in a closet in the bedroom. There was only one bedroom, and of course it was just a queen sized bed for the both of them. There was one bathroom, in the hallway between kitchen and bedroom, and a living room where there was a still fairly new TV and a collection of board games. The dining table sat halfway between kitchen and living room.

All the food in the fridge was rotted to hell and back and Zoro left Sanji to it as he stripped the bed—now their bed—of its sheets and beat the dust out of the carpets and welcome mats.

On some level he had been avoiding thinking about the whole He-and-Sanji-had-to-Pretend-to-be-Married part of this mission, but there was no avoiding it now. He put his favorite water bottle and a secret bottle of booze in the bedside table on the side he wanted, leaving the other side free for Sanji. The sheets and blankets were in the wash.

Roland Vane was a gay man, and all of Robin's intel told them that the best—and perhaps only—way to get close to him and get the Mera Mera no Mi was to make friends with him and his husband. The Vanes were apparently well loved around Lumo, which seemed…suspicious for an ex-torturer slash general hellraiser bad enough to make it to Level 6 of Impel Down. Roland Vane in particular kept to himself since his escape from jail, but the Vanes invited several other queer couples they were close with over monthly for an evening of art, wine, and fancypants music. That was their plan: infiltrate that shit.

So married men they were.

With the kitchen cleaned, and their clothes in the closet, and photos of Zeff and Kuina on their respective sides of the bed, the two of them sat on the couch in the living room and stared at each other.

"So…here we are," Sanji said tentatively.

"Yeah. You ready to be a married man?"

Sanji laughed. When it was just the two of them Sanji laughed like this all of the time. Around others their relationship could be…strained, but like this, it was usually pretty chill. Zoro knew it couldn't last, but it was nice for the moment.

"A fake married man," Sanji reminded him, as if Zoro could forget. "Okay: so we have to get close to Roland Vane and his husband, Kagayaku Vane."

"Right," Zoro confirmed. "We know Roland Vane has a Devil Fruit."

"Yeah. Robin said she heard from several sources that he can't swim, and that it's a new development after his escape from jail."

"But there's no guarantee that he ate the Mera Mera no Mi."

"Right. He might just have it at his house or something like that."

"So, what? We're newly married, just moved to town, looking for queer friends?"

"Yeah."

For all of Sanji's difficulty with gay men in the past, and his intense fear of men hitting on him, he seemed surprisingly relaxed talking about this. Zoro was surprised. True, they hadn't been together for long at all since they reunited at Sabaody, and they hadn't even gotten the chance yet to really talk about what they had been up to for two years, but in many ways Sanji was still the nervous, opinionated, womanizing cook he remembered.

"We need names."

Their fake marriage certificate was currently on the fridge underneath a magnet of a cat's furry butt.

"Hm. And disguises, obviously."

"We can dye our hair? Or wear hats all the time?"

"Let's dye it," Sanji decided, even as he tugged nervously at his blond locks. He now wore it a bit shaggier than he did before the Strawhats split up. Zoro liked it this way, even if he wouldn't say so.

"Okay. So, maybe let's go find a shop that sells hair dye and shit and then think of names once we finish?"

They changed before leaving, really committing to this whole we are definitely not Zoro Roronoa and Sanji Blackleg bit. Zoro felt a little strange in pants and a t-shirt, having become used to his green robe and sash. Sanji looked incredibly soft outside of a suit, in a button-up sweater and slacks.

Mushrooms lined the way neatly along the streets like lamposts. They were tall and skinny with the caps ballooning out like umbrellas way up high. Zoro studied them as they walked. They looked unremarkable during the day, and he had to admit he was actually kind of curious to see the place once the sun set.

"Are those edible?" Zoro asked, nodding at one as they passed.

Sanji stopped and looked at one, touching the spongy outside and peering up at all the filaments on the underside of the cap. "I think so," he said. "It's certainly not poisonous, or I doubt they'd be all over the place like this. But do they taste good? That I don't know."

Sanji could probably make anything at all taste delicious, Zoro thought to himself. They kept walking. The pharmacy wasn't far. They had most of the necessities they needed from the Sunny but some things like dish soap and toilet paper had to be bought, not to mention the hair dye.

There were just so many options!

"Hey," Sanji snickered, pointing at a box of bright green dye in the cramped aisle, "Someone's trying to copy your look, Marimo."

Bluntly, Zoro said, "Mine's better," and then grunted, "Pick me a color, I don't give a shit."

"What? What if I gave you, like, pink?"

"Then I'd rock pink hair, I don't care."

"Orange. Like Nami-swan."

"Ugh. Pass."

"See, you do have opinions," Sanji pressed. He was clearly uncomfortable at the thought of dyeing his own hair and kept pulling at it almost unconsciously. Zoro batted his hands away the next time Sanji tried to twist it.

"Knock it off," Zoro said, "You're gonna hurt yourself."

"Shut up," Sanji snapped, fiery as ever, clearly embarrassed at being caught. Then he looked around guiltily. "I mean, ugh. Okay. I'm thinking… black." Sanji's elegant fingers grabbed two boxes of black hair dye for himself, which he placed gingerly into their basket. He was frowning, and something in his gaze said there was some significance to the color that he wasn't talking about.

"Honestly, I just want something easy, especially if I'll have to upkeep it when the roots come in."

Sanji eyed him critically. "We can just bleach it. Wanna go blond?"

Zoro curved one finger into an approximation of Sanji's curly eyebrow and held it above his eye. "Then I'll be able to copy you. Ah, yes, Nami-swan, please, walk all over me and let me ignore my training so I can make you some gross fruity drink—"

"Fuck off," Sanji griped, but he was grinning. They got Zoro the bleach, copped some booze from the back aisle (sweet, this was one of the islands that sold alcohol almost everywhere) and checked out.

The walk back felt nice and easy. They had a plan, mostly, and it was coming along well so far. They'd dye their hair, finish their disguises, come up with their backstory, and get close to the Vanes. Then they'd grab the fruit—or kill Roland Vane, if he'd eaten it, then grab the regrown fruit somewhere nearby before anyone else could eat it—and then get back to the Sunny, Ace's beloved Devil Fruit safe and sound.

Piece of cake.

Except the hair dye was a whole fiasco, because the water hadn't been used in the house's pipes for months, and Zoro stuck his head under the sink faucet just for gross, brown sludge to spray all over his face. Sanji cackled, laughing high and wheezy and dancing away before Zoro could fling the bottles of bleach at him.

"Oh my god, Marimo! That looks like shit!"

"It's just mud," Zoro yelled, praying that it actually was just mud. A quick sniff revealed, yeah, thankfully it was just clogged pipes and dirt. "Wait, I lied, it is shit." Then he unbent from the sink and advanced on Sanji, who let loose one of the most hilarious noises Zoro had ever heard him make and whose legs immediately lit on fire, warning Zoro off.

"I'm kidding," Zoro said, chuckling, even as mud sloughed off his ear to the floor. "It really is just mud."

"Well rinse it the fuck off, idiot! It's making a mess!"

"Oh, relax."

An hour later both of them were crammed into the bathroom side-by-side, staring at their reflections. Behind them on the wall was a framed drawing of a dog taking a piss on a fire hydrant with the words WE ALL DO IT!

Sanji had carefully dyed Zoro's eyebrows for him. It looked kinda freaky, Zoro thought, frowning and turning his head this way and that to see with his good eye. Sanji's transformation was even more shocking. Black hair made his whole vibe different; he looked uncannily serious as he frowned at himself. He'd procured a thin eyebrow pencil from somewhere and had carefully traced over the fine blond hairs, leaving a dark swirl there instead.

Art by the incredible 8ball

"We look weird," Zoro said bluntly.

"You look like some musclehead surfboarder or something," Sanji sniffed. "I look like… well." He fell quiet, fussing more with the eyebrow pencil, and did not elaborate.

"The smell of all that dye's givin' me a headache, let's move to the couch."

They regrouped, cozy under the hand-knitted blankets their unfortunate host had left them. Sanji even poured himself an overfull glass of wine. Zoro, entire bottle of sake in hand, got comfortable. (Oops—their feet touched briefly under the blanket, and both of them jerked back, resettling a safer distance away.)

"We need names," Sanji announced, after a large sip of wine. "I'm thinking…" he swept his new, dark bangs off his forehead with a familiar flick of his head. "...Rokuji?"

"What?" Zoro scoffed, "That name sucks. What's with you and numbers, huh?"

"Hey! I don't know." Sanji sounded incredibly defensive, turning away from Zoro and glaring out at the shelf of knicknacks. "I just thought—It's just that—"

Sanji was sitting on something big, and if he wasn't gonna talk about it then Zoro wouldn't push it, but damn. The cook had always clammed up whenever anyone asked him about his name. "Pick something cooler," he suggested.

"Yeah? How about… The Onyx Prince!"

"Fuck no."

"Then what!?"

"Like, uh… some kind of booze."

That finally got Sanji to smile a little, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, hi, nice to meet you, I'm Vodka, and this is my husband Pinot Grigio."

"Husband," Zoro echoed, the word sounding awfully strange on his tongue. It rang in the ensuing silence.

"...I can name some stuff, and you pick one?" Sanji suggested. At Zoro's nod, he counted fancy liquors on his fingers: "Cointreau, Tequila Clase Azul, Benedictine, Cognac, Pastis, Ricard, Crème de Cassis, Armagnac, Chartreuse…"

"Cook, you're killin' me. These all sound like they suck. Just gimme beer and I'm good. But how about, uh, Cassis? Most of the rest don't really sound like names."

"Cassis," Sanji echoed. "Okay, fine. What about you?"

"Tachi," Zoro said immediately. "Type of sword."

Sanji looked unimpressed, but nodded. "Sure, whatever. How'd we meet, Tachi?"

Over more wine and a notebook full of color-coded facts, they devised their meet-cute. When Zoro immediately came up with a farfetched story about Sanji—er, Cassis—coming to a swordsmanship competition where they fell in love at first sight, Sanji held out one hand and waved it frantically between them.

His face was awfully pink. "No swords!" he said. "You're already cutting it close with a name like Tachi; we're supposed to be low key, remember?"

"Fine," Zoro sighed, grumpy, "What do you think?"

"We could keep it kind of close to the truth," Sanji mused. "Lies are easier to tell when there's some truth to them, not to mention keeping our story straight. How's this; I used to work at a restaurant when I was younger, a part-time thing, and you came in one day…"

Zoro caught Sanji's eye. The contrast with his dark hair made the bright blue of it stand out even more, if that was possible. "Okay," Zoro agreed, swallowing. "I thought you were hot, so I did the old den den mushi number on the receipt trick."

"Cheesy, but I called you back."

"We dated for… six years, and then got married at the end of last year. Where?"

"Someplace we've never been publicly as the Strawhats," Sanji said. "Don't you think it would be better to say we've always lived in the New World?"

"Yeah, maybe. No questions about how we got across Reverse Mountain."

"Dressrosa, maybe? That's supposed to be a big and prosperous country. Very little conflict."

"Ain't that Doflamingo's territory?"

"Yeah. Can't say I know that much about him."

"Me neither, but it sounds like a good plan. We were both born in Dressrosa, met and got married there, now we're, what, off exploring looking for a place to raise our kids someday?"

"Kids?" Sanji sputtered, pink over the rim of the wine glass again. "Uh, yeah, sure, that works. Lumo seems like a really good place for families. That seems believable. Uh, our last name?"

"Drac…hawk."

Sanji stared at him.

"Okay, fuck off, how about uhhh…" Zoro snapped his fingers, staring at the can of beer he was drinking. "...Porter."

"Sure," Sanji said weakly, "Beer. Whatever, I don't care. Cassis Porter. Fine."

They both fell quiet, basking in the sheer awkwardness of the situation. But the longer the silence went on, paradoxically the more comfortable it got. Zoro kept drinking, snug under the colorful quilted-square blanket. The couch was well-used and extremely comfy. Occasionally he'd meet Sanji's eye, bright blue and curious; the cook's eye always skittered away immediately. Dude was jumpy.

But then eventually Sanji's gaze met his and held. They stared at each other, both having drank all their booze.

Then Zoro laughed, and Sanji laughed along.

"Oh, my god, 'Tachi'—" Sanji choked out, smacking himself in the chest between wheezes, "Was the onigiri I made you at the restaurant that day just that good? You fell in love with me right then and there?"

"Duh," Zoro answered, scrubbing a hand through his new beach-blond hair, "Wow, our wedding in Dressrosa. All our friends and family came. Didn't you just love the reception? Your dad danced his peg leg off."

"Pfft. Yeah, Dressrosa. I know so much about it. What's that, Roland Vane? You want to know more about Dressrosa? Can't help you—now cough up the Mera Mera no Mi or I kick your head in."

They laughed and poked more gentle fun at their made-up backstory as Sanji got up and refilled his glass (and got Zoro another drink too). But soon Zoro went quiet, and he sat up straighter and fixed Sanji with a look.

"Yo," he said tentatively. "Curly. I got a serious question for you."

"Shoot."

"Honestly, I'm surprised you're going along with this. Don't you hate gay people?"

Sanji sat up straight so fast some wine almost sloshed over the edge of his cup. "What!" he said, aghast. "No, no no no," he sputtered, "Of course not, I—"

And then Sanji went quiet.

He bit his lip, staring into the depths of his glass, occasionally stealing quick glances at Zoro out of the corner of his eyes. The wine had brought a pretty flush onto his nose and cheeks.

"...I don't think I ever hated anyone for something like that," Sanji then said, his tone serious. "Love is awesome, no matter who it's between. But… it wasn't something that I…" He sighed. "Something that I approved of, I don't think. My dad—I love him to death, you know that, but to be honest, Marimo? Those two years apart from everyone? I had a lot of shit I had to unlearn."

Zoro nodded quietly, surprised to hear Sanji say anything at all about Zeff that wasn't full of blind adoration.

"Growing up on a ship full of old farts without, y'know, real exposure to the world—I was close-minded in a lot of ways. So I learned. I'm still learning, I guess. And Zoro—I'm sorry."

Sanji said it emphatically, leaning forward towards Zoro, making eye contact.

Sanji Blackleg, apologizing to Zoro?

Zoro blinked. "You know I'm gay?"

Rolling his eyes, Sanji answered, "Yeah, duh. And I know I've said shit that probably hurt you. So for real, I apologize. I'm not going to jeopardize this mission by being… an asshole, or homophobic, or anything. I'm different now, okay?"

"Wow," Zoro said. "Huh. Okay, Shit Cook. Thanks, I guess. I mean, I never really took you all that seriously. But it's nice to hear, I guess." He swiped at his nose, self-conscious. "Where'd you spend your two years, anyway?"

That got an interesting reaction: Sanji blushed bright pink again, shaking his dark hair into his eyes as if to hide. Then he took a deep breath, brushed it all away, and asked, "Did anyone tell you about Ivankov? Who helped Luffy storm Impel Down?"

"Yeah, name rings a bell."

"Iva's Queen of a place called Momoiro. Every day was hell on earth, for a lot of reasons, but it's definitely a place for…" Sanji paused, searching for the right word. "Freedom, I guess. People dress how they want there. Use the pronouns they want whenever they want. Love or fuck who they want. I learned a lot. Got my head out of my ass."

"Huh. Sounds like a cool place."

Sanji winced. "I guess so. I definitely made a lot of friends there, but, ah—Iva? I'm good staying the hell away from them for a few years."

Snorting, Zoro started to say something else, but the view outside the window caught his eye. "Cook," he said, pointing. "Look."

They crowded by the window to peer outside. The whole landscape had come alive.

The glow from the mushrooms outside, the large fungi trees in the middle of town, and even the plants on the bushes that lined their own path to the sidewalk outside now illuminated their curtains and faces. Sanji wordlessly headed for the front door, Zoro right behind.

They jogged outside, standing in the middle of the street and marveling upwards.

Spores from the Lumo mushrooms glowed overhead, brilliant neon pinks and blues and purples. Some small creatures, maybe moths, drifted lazily past, looking like glowing jellyfish.

"Woah," Zoro breathed.

Sanji gestured South. "Let's see the water."

They weren't the only ones. Some families and couples were there on the beach too. The white sands glittered like stars now, iridescent whites and pinks, drenched in bright turquoise as the surf crashed in again and again. Zoro kicked off his socks and shoes and waded in. It didn't feel any different from the regular ocean, but when the water receded, his feet all the way up to his ankle scars glowed blue.

It was fucking beautiful. Kids splashed in it, and nearby an artist was set up with a canvas and a lantern, feverishly trying to capture the right colors.

"Wow," Sanji said. "This is nice, Tachi."

And that snapped Zoro out of his admiration for a moment. Right—outside of the house, even now, on day one, they were following the mission. He reached for Sanji's hand, because there were some other couples nearby watching the hazy blue glow of the night sea, and said, "Here's our new home, Cassis."

"Yup," Sanji breathed, looking for a moment awfully overwhelmed, "So it is."

"What," Zoro asked, "You don't think I look the part or something?"

"Oh!" The nervous-looking woman in front of him laughed uncomfortably, smoothing out her skirts. Zoro sat opposite her in a chair so tiny it made his knees rest approximately around his chin. There was a snoozing kid dripping drool down his forearm snug in his lap. "No, nothing like that," she reassured him, "Teachers come in all shapes and sizes, of course."

That seemed like an awfully nice way of saying that Zoro looked like a scary menace to children. With his muscles popping out of a button-up shirt and his new brightly-bleached hair, not to mention his eye scar, Zoro supposed he could understand a kindergarten teacher being a little wary of him asking for a part-time job.

"So, um, you just moved here?" she asked.

"Yeah." Zoro shifted the sleeping five-year-old his lap a bit. The kid weighed about the same as Chopper, and Zoro fucking loved Chopper, so he figured, hey—why not try to get a job with kids while he was here on Lumo? It beat working a desk job, that was for fucking sure. He spared a thought to The Plan.

"My husband has always wanted to move here. We're from Dressrosa. The Archipelago is nice; we've only been here a few days, though."

"Oh!" The woman—Giorgia, she'd introduced herself earlier—perked up. "Your husband?"

"Yeah." Zoro tried to smile convincingly, thinking back on his loving, supportive partner Cassis… and not the gremlin who had kicked him awake this morning for hogging too much of the covers. He heaved a put-upon sigh, leaned in conspiratorily and channeled his inner Nami: "Honestly, I'm the trophy husband out of the two of us—he's the breadwinner, I just wanna relax with our kids, you know? But I think working here would prove to him that I'm, y'know, ready to raise our kids on our own, whenever we have them."

"How many do you want?" Giorgia asked, leaning closer. She seemed more intrigued by the moment.

Oh, shit—actually, Zoro wasn't so sure he wanted kids at all. Chopper and wrangling the rest of his Nakama was enough. "Two," he bullshitted. "We heard Lumo is a great place to raise kids, so we emigrated from Dressrosa. And I saw you guys are looking for some part-time help for a little while…"

"Well, yes, we have been short since Mierka went on maternity leave… How does helping out for a few hours sound, and then we can talk, depending on how it goes?"

"Sure thing," Zoro said, a familiar glint of challenge in his eye.

So he tended the fuck out of those kids. Cared for them. Fed them their little snacks. Lifted them over his head with immense ease, to squeals and shrieks. Told increasingly silly stories about the loss of his eye, ultimately settling on 'Ms. Giorgia needed to borrow it for a craft project, and she keeps forgetting to give it back,' which none of the kids believed at all. Tough crowd.

He comforted a girl through a sobbing meltdown after she dropped her snack on the floor and showed how fast he could drink and crush a kid-sized apple juice (which was really fucking quickly, thank you) and by the end of the day had basically charmed his way into the heart of every brat there, including several of the adults who had come to pick up their kid.

Giorgia handed him a wadful of Beri. "We'll see you in the mornings?" she asked. "Monday-Friday, eight to one?"

Zoro grinned. "Sure thing. Thanks."

"Bye, Mr. Tachi!" one of the kids called, waving one grubby hand over the shoulder of their parent hauling them off.

"Later, Meihui," Zoro hollered back.

Fucking score!

He made his way home giddy after that. It was only like one-thirty in the afternoon, so he still had most of the day free for gathering info on Roland Vane and for training, or maybe even naps.

Honestly, Zoro really meant to go get some info on the Vanes, but he got lost as hell trying to find the house to change out of his applesauce-smeared shirt, and when he eventually found the place, he changed and then fell asleep in the warm sun out front on the porch, sprawled out on the wicker loveseat.

He woke groggily to the familiar sound of Sanji's voice. "Here he is," Sanji was saying, stepping up the creaky wooden steps of the porch. He was talking to somebody, who waited there on the little cement path out to the sidewalk. Rubbing his good eye, Zoro yawned.

"The one and only," he grunted.

"Hey," Sanji said, and his voice had a particular tone to it Zoro hadn't heard directed at him before—it was indulgent and soft. One gentle hand delved into Zoro's newly-blonde hair, scritching affectionately at his nape before Sanji cupped the back of his head and dropped a. fucking. kiss. to the top of his head.

Then Sanji turned, twirling on one foot, "Amari-chwan, this is Tachi. Tachi, Amari-chwan."

"Hi, Amari-chwan," Zoro said in the flattest voice he could muster.

The girl standing on the walkway giggled, covering her mouth. She wore an apron and her hair was a literal rainbow of colors, dozens and dozens of carefully-braided twists going halfway down her back. Her makeup was bright, standing out vividly against her dark skin—she looked an artsy type.

"Nice to meet you!" she chirped. "Cassis told me so much about you today."

"Oh yeah? So I'm guessing the job hunt went well?"

"Duh," Sanji said, "You're looking at the newest stylist of Salon Chique." He flicked his hair to emphasize his point.

That suited Sanji, Zoro thought. Usopp did a lot of the haircuts back on the Sunny but Sanji sometimes helped out. He was sociable when he wasn't making an idiot of himself and talking to people seemed like a good way to make friends and get the good gossip.

"Oh yeah?" Zoro stood up then, crossing his arms. "You think that's so cool, Cassis? I nearly got barfed on today."

"...Ew," Amari said, taking a step back.

"And I got cried on by like two different five year olds, I set the world record for fastest apple juice drinking, and I made every single kid fall in love with me, so. You got competition."

Sanji was grinning, eyebrow sky-high, looking at Zoro like he'd grown a second head but was loving it anyway. "A daycare?" he asked.

"Yeah, daycare, early school type thing. I'm with the older group, the five year olds, though. When they all get lice and need their hair cut off I'll send them your way."

Sanji visibly recoiled. "Do that and die."

"You wish."

"Aww," Amari said. "You two are cute. It was really nice meeting you today Cassis—I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course," Sanji warbled, twirling and nearly sparkling in place. Amari just laughed.

"Goodnight," Zoro said, waving.

"Goodnight dear!"

"Bye!" she called, and turned on her heel and walked off towards her own home.

When she was an appropriate distance away Sanji dragged Zoro inside the house, shut the door, and said, "A daycare? For real?"

Zoro shrugged. "Yeah. I miss Chopper."

"I guess… I guess it suits you," Sanji said, tilting his head. "Wow. Getting jobs makes this feel pretty official, huh."

"Yeah." Zoro grabbed a beer from the fridge and got comfortable on a too-small chair at the cramped dining table as Sanji moved to the kitchen, tying on his familiar pink apron as he started dinner.

It was all startlingly domestic.

Despite having moved in just the day before, Sanji already knew where all of their deceased host's pots and pans were, and the fridge was organized to his liking. He'd gone to a local market earlier that morning before leaving to go find his own job.

Zoro watched Sanji putter around for a little while. The black hair was still a bit of a shock. Sanji seemed more comfortable with it than he had yesterday; the nervous pulling and twisting of it had stopped, at least. Zoro sipped at his beer, picked idly at the label in the quiet, and then breached a topic that was a little uncomfortable.

"Hey," he grunted.

"Hm?"

"We gotta talk about, like, limits."

Sanji looked up from the meat he was marinating, exposed eye sharp. "...Because we're faking it," he said after a long moment.

Shrugging, Zoro said, "Yeah. I mean, I'd hate to blow the whole thing because you start freaking out if I hold your hand or something because someone's watching."

Sanji scoffed. "I wouldn't do that."

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "And if I had to kiss you?"

Sanji was more interested in this marinade than he'd ever been interested in anything, it seemed. He bent close to it, not answering for a minute. "Then that's what has to happen for the mission," he finally said.

"Ugggghhh," Zoro groaned, "Cook, stop beating around the bush and just tell me straight. I'm outta patience for this shit."

Sanji slammed his hands down on the counter, rattling a cutting board and knife. "I'm trying," he hissed, and finally turned around. He leant back against it, staring hard at Zoro. "I'm trying to tell you," he said.

And Zoro… tried to listen, he really did. The cook was bright red, biting his lips and looking shiftily around the ground at his feet. He looked pissed off and uncomfortable as hell. It clicked.

"...Are you sayin'," Zoro started carefully, "That me bein' a dude isn't as big a problem for you as I thought it was gonna be?"

"I—" Sanji spun back around, shoulders raised high to his ears, unable to look at Zoro. "No, it's not a problem. I mean, it's still you, and you're a nightmare, honestly, I just picked up your sweaty shirt off the floor ten minutes ago, and I—"

Zoro tuned out Sanji's nervous shitty rambling and crossed his arms. "Huh," he said, nodding.

"What!" Sanji shot him a sharp look over his shoulder, hunched like a furious, spitting cat.

"I was just thinkin' about what you must've gone through during those two years apart. You're as shitty as ever, but realizing you're into guys? Uh, into guys too? That's a pretty cool development."

"It's not a big deal," Sanji said in a voice that gave away that actually it was a massive deal for him. Hadn't he just opened up to Zoro about his dad, and how Zeff loved him dearly but had some outdated ideas about shit?

"So… anyway," Zoro yawned, giving Sanji a break on that front, "You're not gonna blow the mission if I have to kiss you or whatever to be believable."

"No," Sanji said. He peered back over his shoulder even as he carefully chopped an onion. "What about you? What if I have to put on a show for someone? Tell you I love you, Tachi-chwan?"

Zoro choked on his next sip of beer from laughing. Sanji huffed a laugh too, the mood in the kitchen easier than before. "Don't use -chwan with me," Zoro growled, still coughing wetly into his elbow. "And besides, you literally kissed me already and I handled it fine."

"Oh… right." Sanji was pink again. "Well, don't get used to it. I wasn't expecting you on the porch when Amari-chwan walked me home."

Zoro acknowledged that with a grunt. Sanji turned back to his meal, more confident now, and the rest of preparation passed easily. Dinner was easy too, with minimal teasing from Zoro about how Sanji had to be careful not to fall for another man in the Archipelago while they were undercover. Then after Zoro did the dishes the two of them frowned at each other over the local map tacked to the fridge.

"We should go out somewhere," Sanji suggested, uncertain. "What we know about Roland Vane is: he's gay, has a husband, is a pretentious fuck, keeps to himself other than his exclusive group of pretentious as fuck friends, and might have the Mera Mera no Mi."

"We should find out what island he lives on when we can. If all else goes wrong we can just blow up the place, kill him, and hope the Devil Fruit grows nearby enough that we can get to it before anyone else does."

"That's a terrible plan, Marimo, but I agree that finding his home would be good idea."

"But we should do something tonight," Zoro pressed, "Start gathering intel."

Sanji asked, looking up to the sky for answers, "Where do married couples go on weeknights?"

"...Maybe a… bar?"

"Like a gay bar?"

Zoro shrugged. "I guess so. Maybe that's something Tachi and Cassis do."

While he still looked unsure, Sanji said, "Okay, we can try it."

A little under an hour later, on a neighboring Lumo island another curved bridge away, Zoro was regretting his suggestion. They'd found something really resembling a gay club more than a bar, and he and Sanji were squeezed together at the bar counter hardly able to hear each other over the loud music.

Zoro leant in close to Sanji's ear, cupping it with his hand. They were pressed together almost entirely from hip to shoulder, squished in between other bodies. "This sucks," he yelled.

Sanji looked a little overwhelmed but was gamely attempting to flag down a bartender. Zoro knew for a fact Sanji loved dancing and music (not to mention bad flirting) so this should have been his element, but while both of them knew how to drink and have fun, neither quite knew how to do it with their fake husband.

With drinks secured, Zoro and Sanji clinked their glasses. Zoro threw his back immediately while Sanji took a more demure sip. The bass thrummed up through the floor into Zoro's seat and made the tiny bit of liquid left in his glass ripple.

"So," Sanji said, a hand falling to Zoro's thigh, the same one with his fake wedding ring on it, "Tachi."

"Cassis," Zoro answered sourly. Clubs weren't really his thing. He liked to get wasted quietly in a corner. Too many people far too close like this. "How was work, dear?"

The twitch in Sanji's eye let Zoro know how much he disliked being called dear like that. "I fixed a terrible undercut job. Whoever buzzed it last time must have had a heart attack in the middle of doing it, it was so jagged."

"Have you ever thought about an undercut? You'd look good."

Sanji glanced at him, checking to see if the compliment was genuine or just for the bit. "...You think?" he asked, pushing up on one big soft swath of black hair, pinning it on top of his head.

"Yeah, sure." Zoro mimed buzzing off the one side, and then awkwardly scratched Sanji's scalp in a mimicry of the way Sanji had done to him earlier that day, which had actually felt quite nice. From the look on Sanji's face, he wasn't doing nearly as good a job.

But then an approaching shirtless man in fantastic jeans pulled their attention away from each other, and thank fuck for that; Zoro was embarrassing himself!

"Hey," the guy said, and then asked them if they were looking for a goddamn third.

Zoro and Sanji both fixed him with identical sneers, which made him skitter away pretty damn quick. Zoro paid for the next round, which he and Sanji drank stony-faced, silent, staring at the counter top.

And then it happened again. And again.

As it turned out, an awkward married couple sitting together at the bar sending weird looks out at the rest of the crowd seemed to be some kind of signal that the two of them were looking for another man to spice things up a bit. They realized their error before too long, and Sanji said, leaning in close, "I think we should get out of here."

"Way ahead of you," Zoro said, throwing down some Beri and reaching for Sanji's hand to drag him out.

Once outside, Sanji said, "Okay, so that was a failure. I don't think we're suave enough to make friends at a club like that."

"Nope. We were definitely the weirdos. I bet they were all, 'Someone go take one for the team and ask if they need a boyfriend already and get them out of here.'"

"Shut up, Tachi," Sanji said with a laugh.

With a good amount of time left in the evening they tried again, this time at a fancy-ass restaurant that Roland Vane might frequent, if he wasn't as reclusive as the rumors said. Zoro's outfit actually wasn't that terrible—Tachi was one of those sweater-wearing teachers, he'd decided—and Sanji always looked good, even when pretending to be somebody else.

This place was much quieter, filled with the clink of silverware and the soft hum of conversation. The carpets were plush beneath Zoro's shoes and the food menu they got at the high-top bar here didn't have prices listed. Yikes.

So while Zoro fell quiet, drinking the wine Sanji ordered him and mostly pretending to look like he cared about this place, Sanji was thriving.

"Wow, the char on this," Sanji told the chef, having insisted to the bartender that he wanted to give his thanks to the chef in person. "This cut of meat is so easy to overcook; what's your secret?"

Sanji probably had an even better secret to cook that animal, Zoro thought, but watched bemusedly as Sanji charmed the fuck out of the chef, the bartender, and the man sitting on Sanji's opposite side.

"You really know your wine pairings," that man said with a laugh. Like it was a hilarious joke! Rich people were such bores, Zoro thought, even as he slipped his arm around Sanji's tiny waist and hugged his husband a little closer.

"It's impressive, right?" Zoro said, trying to smile in a friendly way and not a demon pirate hunter type of way. "Too cryptic for me, but Cassis here could talk all day about wine and food."

"Let me guess," the man said, quirking an eyebrow at the easy way Sanji leant back against Zoro as he poured Zoro another glass, "You just drink the stuff."

"Exactly," Zoro confirmed, nodding at the man and the guy beside him. Both looked like they had just come from work, and earlier when Zoro had been eavesdropping, had been talking about stocks and accounts and shit. "I got my own personal sommelier, what do I have to learn it all for?"

Holy hell, he hoped he'd pronounced sommelier right. That was someone who knew everything there was to know about wine, right?

Luckily, the two men chuckled and went back to their business shit, and Sanji gently squeezed his thigh, a well done if Zoro had ever felt one.

"This is a bit less bitter than the last bottle," Sanji said, holding the glass out for Zoro to drink from his hand. "Fewer tannins. You should taste currants, pomegranate, blackberry…"

It all tasted the fucking same to Zoro. Still, he drank, not really sure where to look with Sanji tipping it into his mouth in public. He ended up looking in Sanji's eyes, bright blue and amused. The black curly brow was even more dizzying than the blond one if he stared at it for too long.

Zoro swallowed the mouthful. "Tastes like wine," he said.

After a small smile from Sanji, Zoro went back to drinking quietly as Sanji chatted people up. Oh, we just moved here, Cassis was saying, from Dressrosa. Lumo seems like such a lovely place to raise a family, doesn't it? … Tachi just started at the daycare the next island over … Yeah, we're lucky to be under the protection of the Red-Hair Pirates … oh, you and your wife do wine tastings?

Zoro finally snapped out of it when Sanji said, "Yes, we'd love to come!" to one of the two businessmen from earlier, who had finished their work shit and were eating delicate little desserts out of too-small glass dishes with too-tiny spoons.

"Tachi," Sanji said, reaching for Zoro's hand, "Sebastian and his wife Victoria do wine tastings on Fridays. I said we'd go."

Zoro blinked. "So long as there's wine, I'm down."

More laughter. "That's what my wife says!" said the other guy, apparently named Grayson or Jackson or Bryson, "Just there for the alcohol content, not the wine itself."

"Not everyone can have taste," Sanji said, tilting his head. "Well, other than in husbands, I suppose."

"True, true," Dude-son said, and he, Sebastian, and Sanji all cheersed to being wine snobs with spouses or whatever.

Neither of them actually had the cash to afford this fucking meal, but Sanji excused himself to use the bathroom and used that time to channel his inner Nami and burgle the back office. He came back out, observation haki still leaving him on high-alert, and handed the waiter the restaurant's own money for the meal.

"Thank you, Sirs," the man said with a bow, "And a belated congratulations on your wedding."

"Thanks," Zoro said. "See ya on Friday, Sebastian."

Outside in the glow, a safe distance away, Sanji made a big show out of sagging and dragging his feet. He had done all the heavy lifting the past few hours for sure, so Zoro begrudgingly gave him a small round of applause. "Well done, Shit-Hairstylist," he said.

"Hey," Sanji sniffed, "I'm still your cook. You still burn everything."

"You sayin' you want me to call you Shit-Cook?"

"No," Sanji protested, sputtering as he realized he'd set himself up for that one. "Anyway, I don't think that was a terrible night. We didn't learn anything about the Vanes…"

"...But those assholes seem like the types who might," Zoro concluded. "They were both straight though as far as we know. The Vanes' get-togethers are like, exclusively queer couples, right? Their little group of artsy cheese lovers?"

"You love cheese too," Sanji reminded him. "Who knows. We'll go and subtly try to see if any of them have a connection to someone who hangs with the Vanes. Just keep up your 'I don't know anything about wine; I just drink it' schtick."

"Sure. Better that than embarrassing us by actin' like I actually know about stuff I don't."

"That's the spirit, Tachi."

Zoro put a lot of work into getting along with the brats at the daycare. Things went well for the rest of the week—they laughed and napped and slobbered all over him. It was actually really fucking fun work, Zoro decided, even when one of them made a huge mess or crapped their literal pants. The kids adored him and he was steadily charming his way through most of the adults too.

There was a local Neighborhood Council member who came and picked up Dorian, a cute pudgy kid who was super tall for his age.

There was a stay-at-home-mom who had twins enrolled, one of whom had gotten their hands on a Devil Fruit at two years old and could turn things as bouncy as springs whenever she wanted (which was often, and made Zoro's job challenging, but fun).

There were a few rich parents who seemed the type the Vanes would hang out with. Zoro could tell by their expensive bags, shoes, or jewelry - or the fact that their kids were ripping and destroying expensive name-brand clothes every damn day.

In the evenings over the dinner table he ran their occupations past Sanji, along with all the other info he was learning about them, to try to plan their next move. Meanwhile at the salon, Sanji gave someone from the Mayor's office a haircut and they had mentioned Roland Vane being part of their own recent wedding in some capacity, which begged more questions.

Despite keeping their eyes and ears open they didn't make much headway before Friday, when it was time to go to this stuffy wine party. Zoro was dreading it, frankly.

Still, after work he gamely showered and freshened up. He frowned critically at himself in the mirror in the cramped bathroom. There was no way he was wearing a tie, even for this, so the top button or two of his shirt was undone so he could breathe. But his pants were ironed (thanks to Sanji that morning, over a couple cigarettes and some bickering) and Sanji had set aside a fancy bottle of wine for Zoro to bring as a gift.

Grabbing the keys, turning off the lights, and locking the house up felt terribly domestic. He was really settling into this fake life with Sanji, huh…

It was going better than expected, Zoro thought, as he looked around at all the mushrooms coming to life around him. The ones that illuminated the street were only faintly glowing, as the sun wasn't completely set yet. Soon though the whole archipelago would glitter and glow. He'd seen the phenomenon a few times now and it was still supremely fucking cool.

Sanji's salon wasn't far. Zoro had been once before, but Sanji had been there to guide him… this time it took him quite a few attempts before the shopfront came into view. He'd gone all the way across the island and hit the water, now glowing vivid blue, before realizing he'd overshot it. He hurried in, smiling bashfully at the sharp look Sanji sent him in the mirror, still working with a client.

"Oooh, you're late," Amari said from the reception desk, playing with a small fidgety toy. "Cassis kept checking the clock."

The client Sanji was working with, an elderly woman getting her grays dyed, by the looks of it, laughed merrily. "You called it," she said, "He does look like he got a bit lost, doesn't he?"

"Uhhhh…" Zoro scratched the back of his head, face doing something strange. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Sanji said, a small smile playing at his mouth. "Go sit, I'm almost done with Jade here."

"It's looking great," Jade said. She seemed familiar with Sanji already; as Zoro sat at one of the empty seats nearby, carefully setting their wine on the ground, he wondered if Sanji had regulars yet. "You said you and that handsome man of yours are going to a party?"

Ears burning suddenly, Zoro watched the careful way Sanji handled the brush, the dye, and his comb. That shit wasn't easy while wearing gloves.

"Mm-hmm. Do you know the Shus? Sebastian Shu invited us; we met him last week out at dinner."

"Oh," Jade said, blinking suddenly. Her wrinkled mouth turned down in a frown. "A nice man. Friendly. But his wife, Victoria…"

Gently, Sanji coaxed, "What about her?"

"She hasn't been the same since an incident at the beginning of this year. She's a vengeful thing. No one really believes her, but…"

Zoro leant forward, interested.

"What happened?"

"Oh, I shouldn't spread her business—"

Another woman, lying quietly across the room in a chair connected to a sink, called out, "Oh, out with it, Jade! She makes it everyone else's business anyway!"

"Fine," Jade huffed, "Her house burned down, and she's spreading crazy theories that old Kagayaku Vane up on the hill did it."

Tucked close, fingers entwined and faces very close together, looking all the world like two lovers murmuring sweetly to each other, Zoro and Sanji had a quick conversation.

"Roland Vane's husband burned her house down?" Zoro hissed.

"So she says," Sanji whispered back. They had stepped off the sidewalk and stood ten or so feet back in the grass, ignoring those walking past.

"We have to figure out how they know each other."

"If it was the husband who got the Mera Mera no Mi… then how come Roland Vane suddenly can't swim?"

"Ugh," Sanji tsked, "We just don't know enough about them yet. Come on."

They separated, expressions smoothing out into something a little more lovestruck, and Sanji tugged at Zoro's hand. Zoro followed easily. Their hands swinging between them was nothing new at this point; Zoro even had found over time that he had small preferences for some ways their fingers could slot together.

Zoro smoothed down a pesky hangnail on one of Sanji's slim fingers absently as he walked, frowning and thinking about Kagayaku Vane. He knew nothing about the dude. It seemed half the people around town knew one of the two somehow but it was never anything substantial, only ever about weddings or parties or some shit. But burning down some woman's home? What was the motive? Did one of them really have Ace's Devil Fruit? Would this whole song and dance tonight actually get them any closer to the Vanes? And what the hell was this fluff in his mouth?

Zoro spat onto the sidewalk, shaking his head as what looked like a whole Chopper's worth of fur-like stuff sloughed off him like melting ice.

"What the fuck!" Zoro gasped, "That mushroom just shat on me!"

Sanji was a safe distance away now and bent over double with laughter.

"T-Tachi," he crowed, wiping at his eyes, "You look so stupid, I can't."

What had been a massive but normal-looking toadstool in the middle of this park had unceremoniously dropped glowing stuff all over Zoro and someone else a dozen steps back.

"Tourists?" a man called, strolling over with hands in his pockets.

Sanji wiped more tears from his eyes. "No, but we just moved here. Phew, ahaha. I'm guessing there was some kind of cue that let all of you know not to stand under it?"

"Yeah," the man answered, smiling crookedly at Zoro brushing himself off. "Right before they drop—and they do this a couple times every night—they glow real bright for a few seconds. But look, the filaments brush off quick, don't they?"

Surprisingly, yes. As Zoro cleaned the stuff away, it wasn't staining his clothes or leaving sticky residue. It brushed off him and continued on its way, spreading out and nearly disappearing on the wind.

"Reproduction, and all that," the guy said, and continued on his way. Zoro offered a commiserating smile at the woman behind them who had also gotten covered in the stuff, then reached once more for Sanji's hand. It was strong and warm.

"Stop thinking so hard," Sanji said, "I could see smoke coming out your ears. Let's just make it through this evening, then stress about next steps."

Zoro decided to listen to Sanji for once. "Sure," he sighed. "But if you say I look stupid again, I'll kill ya."

"Pffft! You wish," snorted Sanji, smile big and white and wide.

The bridge to the next island over was one of the ones with the conveyor belt. They decided to ignore it though and walk, not wanting to be too early. As they strolled up the giant curve of the bridge Zoro watched all kinds of people slowly chug past on the belt: lots of families, some couples, a few folks headed home after a long day of work.

Being dressed in nice clothes with a bag of fancy wine over his shoulder, hand in hand with Sanji Blackleg was fucking surreal. Zoro tried to enjoy the moment for what it was, though.

"You think kids take sleds down these bridges when it snows?"

"I don't think it ever snows here," Sanji said after a thoughtful moment. "But that does sound fun."

"No snow? Makes sense, I guess, tropical summer islands and all. The cold's good for training, though."

"If you're an idiot who likes to take dips in ice water, yeah, sure."

"Oi, shut it. That was one time."

Familiar bickering carried them all the way down the other side of the bridge and several streets down. This island was mostly homes, with very few shops and the like. There were more parks and places to relax. The homes as they climbed up a long, winding street, got bigger and bigger. The Shu house was like eight of their tiny home all in one perfectly-landscaped package. The upper floors all had windows that opened out to tiny balconies with ivy draping over the edge and stuff, like out of a book Zoro had once read.

Sanji was sneering a little as he eyed it, but at Zoro's pointed look relaxed. He squeezed Zoro's hand (oops, they had held hands the entire way here) and put on a fake smile. It slowly relaxed, looking more natural the longer he stared at Zoro.

"Okay, Tachi," he said. "Let's mingle."

With a grunt, Zoro followed him to the door.

Sanji's knock was answered by an honest to god butler in a pristine suit. "Welcome, Sirs," he greeted them with a bow. Sanji looked a little startled but recovered quickly, assuring the man they didn't have coats that needed to be taken, and thanking him for greeting them, blah blah blah. Zoro zoned it out, and impassively eyed the stuffy interior of the mansion as they were led through the entranceway through a few rooms and finally to a sitting room in the back full of adults.

And then there were a cascade of names, and Zoro only really recognized Sebastian from the restaurant and his buddy from before. Zoro shook hands with them all, mostly men with pretty wives, saying bullshit about how happy he was to meet them all. But then a voice from the next room over caught his attention: "Oh! Mr. Porter?"

That was their fake last name. And it was from someone he recognized, actually—one of the moms from school. Zoro moved away from the unremarkable businessman whose hand he had just been robotically shaking and moved towards the woman waving at him. The kitchen was connected to this sitting room, and it was a huge thing with modern lights and lots and lots of art of Lumo-based mushrooms framed on the walls.

"Mrs…?" Zoro crossed his arms and tilted his head, frowning. "You're Peishan's mom."

"Yes!" She clapped her hands. There were three other women in here, smiling at him and nodding along, glittery gems and jewels sparkling under the lights. "Shu! Victoria Shu, my husband invited you! I didn't realize the man he met last week was your husband you always talk about."

"Ohhh," said one of the other women, "This is the handsome gay teacher?"

"Whaaat," Zoro said flatly, staring at her.

The whole room filled with the sounds of giggles.

"Oh, I guess I should introduce him. Hey—" Zoro turned, poking his head back into the other room. Sanji had been swallowed up by the others, looking like he belonged there with a cigar in one hand and a glass of something on the rocks in the other. His eyes met Zoro's immediately, and he politely excused himself from the others without Zoro needing to say anything.

Sanji handed Zoro his glass, already knowing Zoro had his eyes on it, and wrapped one arm around Zoro's shoulders. Zoro's arm fell securely around Sanji's waist. He'd left the cigar on the end table by the couch he was sitting on, thankfully, and gave a friendly wave. "Hi Tachi. Ladies. It's so nice to meet you all—thank you for inviting us."

"Oh, it's our pleasure! Tachi is such a delight at school; my daughter attends. It's nice to meet you, we've heard so much about you."

"Oh?" Sanji's eyes positively sparkled as he eyed Victoria Shu. "Like what? Was it about my sense of style? Or my far superior personality and manners?"

"Heeey," Zoro protested. Sanji was fucking obnoxious, tossing his shiny black hair all over the place and wiggling a little against Zoro's side. But the whiskey was really fucking good shit, and thus was taking up way more of Zoro's attention at the moment; Sanji could do as he pleased.

The girls all laughed, and Sanji left Zoro to flutter about and grasp the hands of each of them in turn and give them effusive compliments.

Zoro rolled his eyes, drained the glass, and drawled, "He's a lot, sorry."

"I sure am," Sanji agreed, and stepped close to—whoa—press a quick kiss to Zoro's cheek. "Bye, Tachi, have fun."

With that Sanji swirled back out of the room to the others, and Zoro clapped one hand to his suddenly-burning cheek.

"Cuuute," one of the girls cooed, making Zoro's hot blush spread to the tips of his ears.

"Ugh, whatever," Zoro said. "Is Peishan here?"

"Yes, she's upstairs playing—would you like to see her?"

Zoro shrugged. "Yeah, sure." He really wasn't much of a partier. Having a small crowd of women who seemed to adore him was interesting and kind of surreal, but definitely stressful. He'd take a kid over that, sure.

Victoria Shu got him a huge glass of bubbly wine—nice—and he followed as she led him through the house. It was gorgeously decorated, objectively, but she kept apologizing for it:

"Sorry, sorry, we're still new to this place. There's supposed to be a hutch here, for cheese boards—but I lost it recently, and we don't have enough furniture yet—"

"Oh?" Zoro asked, despite already knowing the answer, "What happened to it?"

Victoria stopped for a moment, right at the base of the stairs. She looked down, her dark hair obscuring her face. "...We had a fire," she said, moving again. Her heels echoed on the fine wood of the stairs. "And lost everything. We used to live two islands over, almost right in the middle of the archipelago."

She was tense. Her grip on the railing as she ascended was white-knuckled.

"Wow," Zoro said, trying to sound like someone who didn't regularly see fires and explosions for a living. "That's scary shit. I'm sorry to hear about that."

"Yes, well." She blew harshly out her nose before her shoulders straightened with false cheer. "I don't think it was an accident, if you catch my drift—but I'm here to have a good evening, so I'll stop talking about that before I upset myself. Peishan, bǎobèi, where are you?"

"In here, mom!"

They turned into a huge kid's playroom, with a stocked play kitchen and apartment essentials, and a tower of stuffed animals as big as Sanji. Everything inside did seem awfully new. The smile on Zoro's face was sly as he peeked around the doorframe, waiting for his little student to finally notice him…

"Mr. Tachi!" Peishan yelled, barrelling past her mom and running for Zoro.

"Hey, kiddo," Zoro greeted, scooping her up with his free arm and easily balancing her on his hip as she fiercely hugged his neck. Peishan was a fun kid, if a bit quiet at times. Giorgia at work said the kid had some trauma she was working through, maybe related to the fire?

"Why are you here? You're in my house! Do you know my mom? Mom, why is Mr. Tachi here?"

Victoria laughed, looking much happier than she had a few moments ago. "Because your dad is friends with Mr. Tachi's husband," she said. "Do you want to come downstairs with us since Mr. Tachi is here?"

"Yes, yes yes yes," Peishan squealed, kicking her feet wildly.

"Fine by me," Zoro said with a shrug, taking a neat sip of his drink while Peishan watched from a few inches away. He was a little glad; kids fucking ruled, he'd decided. Also, maybe Victoria Shu would let her guard down and talk a bit more about the fire if her kid was around.

Zoro easily carried Peishan back down the stairs, who chatted a mile a minute about the game she had been playing with her bears. When they reached the kitchen again the other women all seemed excited to see Peishan (and to see Zoro carrying her, his left arm flexing strongly and pressing the limits of his thin button-up shirt's threads).

It was going to be a long night. Luckily, the official wine-tasting festivities were about to begin, and there was a long line of expensive red wines lined up on the kitchen island with fresh glasses for each one (Zoro could hardly imagine all the dishes!). Red wine was fine, but he preferred whites, and there was now in the sitting room a few big buckets of ice and some chilled white wines he'd get to try. Dope.

On his way into the next room, he passed his fake husband, and with a look and a raised brow Zoro let Sanji know that he was onto something. Sanji pressed a hand to Zoro's hip as he passed, something appearing soft and flirty, but Zoro took it for what it was: Understood, Zoro. Keep it up.

Peishan wanted to sit next to him on a stiff, impeccable-looking couch, and Zoro was fine with that. Her legs stuck out over the edge, fancy little shoes tapping against each other in delight. On Peishan's other side was one of Victoria's friends, and the rest of the women sat in seats nearby. They'd essentially swapped spaces with the room of mostly-men. Was there some sort of correlation between men and red wine, Zoro wondered, or were he and Peishan just that interesting that the other girls wanted to follow them?

"Is that tasty?" Peishan asked him, wrinkling her nose at how Zoro drained his glass in one long gulp. They were supposed to be tasting tiny portions or whatever.

"I guess so," Zoro answered, thinking about it. "I don't think you'd like it though."

Peishan leant in. "I tried once," she whispered, which everyone heard. "When my dad got up to go to the potty. It was so! Gross!"

Zoro couldn't help but snort at her mom's frantic damage control. He studied the room, with all of its fancy, still new-smelling furniture. He felt bad having his shoes on the carpet for crying out loud.

Victoria Shu noticed him looking. "Sorry," she apologized again, "This room is nice, but it's not like the entertaining room I used to have."

"Oh, Vic," another one of the wives told her, smiling nervously, "It's okay. I'm sure Mr. Tachi doesn't need to hear about it."

He did want to hear about it, actually.

"It's okay," Zoro said quickly, "Cassis says I'm, ah, a good listener. I don't mind hearing about your old house."

With a wobbly smile, Victoria said, "Oh… that's nice of you, really, but I don't know, it's not a very happy story for a party…"

Beside Zoro, Peishan had gone very, very still. She watched her mom with huge eyes.

"SO!" Another one of Mrs. Shu's friends stood and clapped her hands. "Why don't I get you some more wine, Victoria? There's so many to try—look, Tachi brought one—"

She uncorked it with a loud pop (Sanji had bought something bubbly and sparkling) and brought the bottle over with a glass, only for Victoria to say in a strained voice, "Who did you say brought this?"

The rest of the women went quiet; even Zoro could sense the impending doom.

"Uh, I did," Zoro said, sitting up straighter. "Somethin' wrong with it?"

Victoria's hand was shaking—then she threw down the glass of wine, and the delicate thing shattered on the floor, wine soaking into the carpet. Several of the women around her flinched.

"You couldn't have known!" Victoria gasped, high and wheezy, hands clenching in her lap. "But that's the exact brand that got me into that whole mess with fucking Kagayaku Vane, who burned my fucking house down!"

The rest of the women were all still and silent, everyone looking painfully awkward, or just flat out pained. From what Zoro had gathered, Mrs. Shu was known to have moments like these.

But Zoro was here for answers, not to be respectable, so he leant forward and with feigned innocence, asked, "A bottle of wine? What happened?"

Several of the girls winced, but Victoria whirled on Zoro. "We had the Vanes over, with some other people, for a different wine tasting, and two bottles of my Agusti Torello Mata went missing! And then, once I confronted Kagayaku about it, because he always says that winery is his favorite, his husband got in my face about it, and I didn't have proof but I knew they stole my wine! It's expensive, you know! So they left in a huff and caused a scene and then I'm out for dinner with my friends two days later and get the call that my house is on fire—"

Peishan started to scream. The kid looked anguished, curling into a ball and fisting her little hands in her hair and wailing like she was being fucking gored or some shit; it even startled Zoro a little. There were already a few people in the other room trying not to look like they were watching Mrs. Shu yell (including her husband), and more folks immediately appeared in the doorway, Sanji included.

"I—Peishan," Victoria said, shocked out of her venting, "Calm down—"

"Uh, I got her," Zoro said, scooping Peishan up. Zoro didn't often feel guilty about stuff but he felt like a total dick for purposefully making the kid's mom all worked up about something that clearly Peishan had issues with. He held her carefully, squeezing past fancy dresses and broken bits of glass, then out past a sitting room, turning right at the Butler's outstretched finger, and finally out a sliding door onto the backyard porch. His haki told him Sanji was just behind, and Sanji pressed a warm hand to the small of Zoro's back before he quietly closed the door behind them.

Peishan was still sobbing, clinging to Zoro's neck and wetting the collar of his stuffy shirt.

"What do we do?" he asked Sanji, rubbing the kid's back.

"I don't know," Sanji said, wide-eyed. He smelled like cigar smoke and his teeth were a little stained from red wine, but he pressed close and stroked Peishan's hair. "You're the one who works with kids."

"Yeah, but like, I've never had any classes or anything on what to do when like…" Zoro shrugged. "They freak out, or whatever. Hey, Peishan. I'm gonna walk some laps, okay?"

No answer. Zoro adjusted his hold on her and started walking the length of the backyard. Wasn't this what people did with like, babies? He didn't fucking know! But fresh air always helped him, as far as he was concerned, and it was a nice, warm night. Much better than the inside of a house full of cigar smoke, which for all he knew could have been the thing making her so upset.

Sanji stayed seated on the porch, smoking a cigarette, sitting quietly and watching as Zoro walked the kid back and forth. The soft glow of the toadstools lining the path of paver stones near Sanji gave the whole backyard a calming, underwater look. The backyard was pretty big, full of carefully-manicured plants and mushrooms. There was even a climbing playset thing in the corner for Peishan.

Zoro kept walking, raising a hand to flash a thumbs-up occasionally when one of the Shus stuck their head out the back door to check on them. Peishan's terrible gut-wrenching sobs quieted after a while, and then she hung there limply. Zoro was wondering if she fell asleep, but then she pressed at his shoulders like she wanted to get down.

"Wanna keep walking?" Zoro asked, extending one hand.

Wordlessly, she put her hand in his and they kept walking laps. The exercise quickly evened out her erratic breathing. Eventually it seemed like she was even having some fun, starting to kick rocks and the like even though she still wouldn't speak.

Zoro eyed the mischievous look on her face and asked casually, "Wanna race?"

Did she ever! The kid took off, and Zoro 'lost' four races in a row before she collapsed in a heap on the grass looking much happier than before.

Sanji strolled over, cigarette ashed, and gently stroked her hair again. "Feeling a little better?" he asked, looking awfully sweet, pitch-black hair reflecting some of the light from the stars.

"Uh-huh," Peishan said, nodding. "I'm hungry."

"You heard the lady," Sanji said, extending hands to pull them both up, "Time for food. Go on ahead, Peishan, we'll be right in."

"Okay!" She took off for the porch, just like that.

Zoro rolled out his neck. "Kids are wild."

"You did well," Sanji said. Belatedly, he dropped Zoro's hand. He leant in close. "What happened?"

"Her mom says she got into it with Kagayaku Vane over some wine or some shit. They had a blowup, the Vanes left, and two days later her house burns down. Talking about it made the kid have a meltdown."

"Hmmm." Sanji's curly brow furrowed in thought. "I… guess that's a motive. Maybe. It could be coincidence."

"But if one of them has the Mera Mera no Mi…"

"Then it would certainly be easy for them to do. Was Peishan home?"

Zoro frowned. "I don't know.  Her mom said it happened while she was out at dinner with friends."

"So maybe Peishan was home, with a babysitter, or Sebastian Shu… maybe she saw something?"

Zoro went cold. "And the Vanes did something to make her keep it a secret, you think?"

Shrugging helplessly, Sanji said, "I don't know. Obviously I hope not! We just don't know."

"Ugh. Yeah. Come on." Zoro tilted his head, and Sanji followed closely as they made their way back inside. Peishan was sitting at the kitchen island, looking much cheerier (if a little grass-stained), eating a sandwich someone had fixed her.

Another couple stopped them both. "Thanks for that," the wife said, the same woman who had poured the glass of wine. "Sorry; I don't think anyone else actually thinks someone committed arson, but she really feels strongly about it…"

"Oh. It's no problem." Zoro gestured around them. "A whole house, that's intense stuff. I don't blame her for being upset at the loss of the old one."

"Neither do we," her husband admitted, a balding accountant-looking type, "But it clearly upsets her daughter to talk about it. Anyway, thanks again for handling it. Cheers, Cassis." From his suit's pocket he pulled out a freshly-wrapped cigar, which Sanji took with a grin.

The party had obviously wound down. The wine wasn't even half drunk, but people were putting on their coats. Victoria Shu looked particularly glum until she spotted Zoro, and then gave him a hug.

"Thank you," she said emphatically. "I'm sorry for flying off the handle—I just get so angry about it."

"It's okay," Zoro said awkwardly, unsure how to hug women back in a way that wasn't painfully uncomfortable for them both. He patted her back and she drew back with a sniffle.

"Two Fridays from now? Without the dramatics?" she asked.

The thought honestly made Zoro want to throw himself off the Sunny onto concrete but he nodded and forced out a smile. "Sure."

Mrs. Shu laughed. "Look at him!" she told Sanji. "He definitely doesn't want to. I don't think wine tastings are his thing!"

Sanji chuckled. "Well, maybe if you set aside a bit of the harder stuff, he'd be happier." He winked at her, then rested his head on Zoro's shoulder. Soft hair tickled Zoro's jaw. "We'll see you two Fridays from now."

"Peishan would be happy, I think," Victoria said, smiling.

Peishan saw them off with a wide and happy goodbye, and soon enough they were back in the fresh air, hustling back down the street away from the house. The whole island looked ablaze from way up here with blues and greens, some glowing vividly, others so faint it looked more like the residual burn of the bright ones in his eyes.

"...That was a lot," Zoro said. "Did you learn anything?"

"Way too much about the stock market on Lumo," Sanji said dryly, "But a little more about the Vanes. Seems like they used to be pretty close to the Shus before the missing wine incident. Apparently Kagayaku does weddings and married the two of them about six years back."

"I wonder if he really did steal two bottles of that wine. Mrs. Shu seemed to think it was really expensive stuff. Was it?"

"Of course it was," Sanji sniffed. "I stole it. You think we could afford a bottle of that?"

Laughing, Zoro said, "I guess not."

The two of them were stuck.

With only one lead, that of the mysterious Shu house burning, Sanji and Zoro's options were limited. It wasn't even a fantastic lead—as nice as Mrs. Shu was, she wasn't the most reliable source. Bad grudges and interpersonal drama really muddled all kinds of shit. Peishan was quieter than usual, none of the other adults at work were doing anything interesting, and even Sanji was low on the gossip at work.

So, after Zoro stopped by the salon so Sanji could touch up his roots ("like freshly-grown moss," Sanji had said, bleaching Zoro's hair late at night after everyone else had gone home), they paid a visit to city hall. Zoro didn't do much. Sanji was far better at the breaking-and-entry type shit. Zoro was mostly here to beat the shit out of anyone who got too curious.

It was an easy enough mission though. Sanji skywalked up to a window on the top floor and popped inside while Zoro patrolled the outside and absentmindedly admired the architecture. City Hall, located on the center island, was made out of marble and stone, and there were thousands of small engraved mushroom designs along its sides. The glow of the land around them made the pale building glow too. Lumo was cool shit.

Zoro folded his arms and relaxed back against the wall, haki alert as he waited. Soon enough Sanji strolled around the side of the building, cigarette lit, and gestured with his head back the way he came.

They regrouped in the mushroom forest that lined the edge of the beaches on this island.

"The Vanes live one island over, actually. Their file wasn't hard to find."

"Anything else interesting on it?"

Sanji blew out a stream of smoke into the neon-blue air. "Not really. Roland didn't have a job listed, and Kagayaku is a wedding planner, like we thought."

"...Huh." Zoro shrugged. "Boring."

Zoro could tell Sanji was frustrated at their lack of progress. His mouth turned down in a frown around his cigarette, and his shoulders were tense.

"Hey," Zoro said, reaching out and rubbing at the knots there at the nape of Sanji's neck. "Don't freak out. We'll figure it out."

"Oh. Uh—yeah."

Surprisingly, Sanji accepted Zoro's shitty little massage. Touching the cook wasn't one of his favorite things—or at least, it certainly hadn't been—but these days they touched all the time for the mission. Holding hands, affectionate little touches, wrapping arms around waists or shoulders; it wasn't so weird anymore.

When finally Sanji relaxed a little, Zoro let him go.

"Wanna go scope out the Vane house?"

They took a conveyor belt bridge from the central island to the next one. It was clearly a wealthy island; the mushroom landscaping was impeccable, with tiny immaculate toadstools evenly spaced alongside wide, well-paved streets. Sanji seemed unimpressed. He'd worn a hat during his break-in to hide his appearance, but it was stuffed in Zoro's pocket now. The black hair was still a bit of a distraction but he was getting used to it.

Sanji led the way all the way to a huge mansion (bigger than the Shus', which Zoro couldn't help but notice). It didn't look… evil, though, not like some of the other hideouts Zoro had seen in his life. It was just a fucking house. Big, but normal. Walking in a big circle around the outside, out of sight, revealed a sprawling backyard with a pagoda-like structure ("For weddings?" Sanji asked) and a pond of some sort. Boring.

There was no evidence of fires, like scorched earth or the scent of smoke. No goons or bruisers. No anything.

They left, both feeling disappointed. The long walk back to their island was quiet. Twice Zoro had to smack at Sanji's hands, which were starting to work into his hair to pull at it. After tidying, drinking a nighttime beer, and crawling into bed, Zoro stared hard at Sanji's form under the covers a few feet away, turned away from him.

He had the strange urge to pull the cook into his arms and hold him, like he might if he had a real husband. They were both frustrated, he knew that—and some comfort might help the both of them, was all. But that was a stupid idea. He doubted Sanji would appreciate being 'cuddled by a mossman' or whatever.

Zoro sighed, rolled over, and vowed to make more progress the next day.

Except he didn't, and not the next day either, or even the couple after that.

'Married' life was still blissful however. He and Sanji got dinner out on the town, went for a walk in Porcini Park, and ate breakfast together at the little table every morning before Zoro left early for work at the school… but progress on the Mera Mera no Mi front? Nonexistent.

They were friendly with the neighbors now and the elderly woman next door showed Zoro how to upkeep his garden without disturbing too much of the mushroom mycelium that anchored his glowy friends to the dirt. Sanji baked her a pie in thanks once he got home from the salon. Zoro sat on the bed and sharpened his swords (he missed them), still feeling the residual warmth from where Sanji had taken a nap earlier.

They weren't making progress, though.

And then at work, during naptime, when Zoro was disinfecting blocks and resetting their number charts, little Peishan got off her cot, wrapped her arms around Zoro's leg, and started crying. Zoro signaled to his coworker and moved into the next room with Peishan, a quiet little space with cushions and toys meant for calming down.

"What's up?" Zoro asked her, handing her a tissue for her face.

"I did something bad," Peishan grit out, still trying to cling to his leg.

Crouching, Zoro grabbed her hands and encouraged her to sit on a cushion. "I've done bad things too," he said. "Stuff I regretted or wished I hadn't done afterward. It happens. Doesn't mean you're bad."

"No, I am," Peishan sobbed. "My mom is so sad and it's my fault!"

Calmly, Zoro asked, "What do you mean?"

Peishan scrubbed at her eyes. "You won't make me leave my mom and dad?"

"Peishan. Dude. No."

"I was playing," she confessed, hugging her little knees, "with Bear and Bear. And my mom talks about the, the, uhhh—am… ambu…" she sounded out the word, scowling, until Zoro correctly suggested ambience and she nodded. "At parties. It has to look good. Anyway, Bear wanted a candle, it was a fancy party."

Oh.

"The candle got Bear!" Peishan cried, reaching out for Zoro. "And all quickly Bear was like whoosh and it was all hot and—" Peishan waved her arms and made several loud noises, "—and I ran downstairs to my dad, except he was napping, and my mom wasn't home, so I hid and then…"

"...And the house caught on fire," Zoro finished.

Peishan nodded, the picture of misery, and cried all over again.

Zoro held her, at a loss of what the fuck to do, and lifted the kid so he could walk out and go to the lead teacher, his boss.

"Um, Giorgia," Zoro said, whispering as it was still naptime, "Peishan just confided in me some, uh, stuff."

"Oh?" She looked surprised. Zoro relayed what Peishan had told him, utterly out of his depth.

"...Oh," Giorgia said, looking sadly at Peishan. "She's five. That wasn't her fault. How unfortunate… I'm so glad she felt like she could trust you, Tachi. But wow. We need to figure out how to tell her parents. They've been so concerned about her behavior since the fire."

Zoro hugged the kid a little tighter, trying to focus on her reality, and not that yet another lead in the Vane case had been squashed.

That evening, as Sanji walked in the front door, smelling of hair treatment chemicals and sweet shampoo, Zoro looked up from the beer he was drinking and said simply, "Peishan burned the house down by accident. She finally confessed to me about it."

"Woah," Sanji said, freezing in the doorway. "It's amazing she wasn't hurt."

"Yeah," Zoro agreed. "But…"

Zoro could see it dawn on Sanji. "But that means Kagayaku Vane didn't do it."

"Yeah."

"There's so far no connection at all between the Vanes and anything to do with fire."

"Nah."

"I. Fuck." Sanji scrubbed his hands over his face. "Marimo. Let's take the night off."

At Zoro's curious look, Sanji said as he moved into the kitchen to poke his head in the fridge, "Your student just told you she caused a big ass fire that burned her home down. That's huge. We're out of leads. Everything kind of fucking sucks. Let's regroup tomorrow?"

"Damn, Cook," Zoro said, throwing back the rest of his beer. "Sometimes you do have good ideas."

So they took it easy. Zoro kept the beer coming as he stood in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop, and watched Sanji cook. Sanji usually liked to be alone in the galley back on the ship, but during their time on Lumo, Sanji had gotten pretty used to Zoro lurking nearby. He grumbled when Zoro was in the way and stubbornly refused to move too, which was always entertaining.

"I miss the girls," Sanji complained. "Maybe this whole thing is a bust, and the Vanes are harmless after all. Then we could mushi to the others and get out of here."

"You just want to stop being married to me," Zoro ribbed.

In a voice that let Zoro know Sanji was kidding, Sanji said, "Yeah, it's been a real nightmare."

Being fake married had been surprisingly pleasant, actually, Zoro thought. The two of them worked together far better than he would have thought.

"Oh yeah?" Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Who would you have preferred to be stuck here with, then, huh?"

"Law," Sanji said, so quickly and definitively it made Zoro choke on his beer. He looked… and the sly smile Sanji was sending his way was new.

"Trafalgar? Him?" Zoro asked, honestly dumbfounded. "Is that your type? Assholes?"

"You're an asshole," Sanji reminded him. "And I guess so. He's not, uh, bad looking."

Zoro hummed. "I'm more into X-Drake, if I had to pick someone from the Worst Generation. Other than me, of course."

"X-Drake?" Sanji looked up from the dough he was kneading. The look in his eyes really said we're doing this, talking about attraction. "What about him?"

Zoro shrugged. "He's strong."

"...Seriously? That's your basis? Then you must totally be in love with Shanks."

"What! No way, Curly. Mihawk could take him in a fight anyway."

Sanji raised said curly eyebrow. "So you and Mihawk…?"

"Oh hell no," Zoro blurted, wondering how in the hell Sanji kept getting the upper hand during a talk about their gay crushes or whatever. "He's like my dad. And I'm going to defeat him some day. Shut the fuck up."

Sanji laughed and went back to his dough, and an expectant silence passed for a time before Zoro breached the topic again. "...So," he asked, "Who else is your type?"

"...Hm." Sanji flicked his hair out of his face and Zoro saw his pale cheeks were red. "I learned I like, ah, muscles. I'm kind of…"

"Scrawny."

"Shut the hell up. I'm lean. So it's like an 'opposites attract' kind of thing, I think."

"Just on dudes?"

"I like all women," Sanji said, wiggling in place, eyes full of hearts. "Muscles, no muscles, short, tall, all of them!"

"Okay, okay, calm down, Love Cook." Zoro busied himself with opening another can, though, because learning Sanji preferred strong and big dudes who could probably pick him up and dwarf him when they spooned and all kinds of other things was making Zoro a little flustered. Zoro was a muscled, big jerk—he'd only heard two of Sanji's preferred adjectives but so far they fit him well.

Sanji could tell he'd hit a nerve, and was grinning to himself a little as he kept preparing dinner, but he thankfully left Zoro alone.

They enjoyed the meal together out on the porch on the wicker furniture that creaked when they moved too much. Sanji had brought a blanket to curl up under but Zoro tended to run hot and was just fine. It was a new moon, and without moonlight the archipelago's glow seemed especially vivid.

Sanji seemed especially entranced by the rhythmic, pulsing glow of the island today. "...It's been a month and a half," he said eventually. "I didn't think we'd be here this long."

Zoro shrugged. "I didn't really have a guess. Long-con shit ain't my forte."

"You're doing really well, though," Sanji murmured. "Really. Even if the Shu thing was a bust, we wouldn't have seen it through if it wasn't for you."

"You complimentin' me, Curly?"

Sanji snorted and carefully placed his cleaned plate on top of Zoro's on their tiny outdoor table. "Yeah," he said. "Deal with it, asshole."

In the far distance Zoro could see the giant bridge that stretched to the next island. They were lit up at night with a particularly glowy type of mushroom so ships didn't crash into them.

Zoro eyed Sanji as he pulled out a cigarette. "A month and a half is a long time separated from our crew, though."

"Yeah. I wonder what Luffy has been eating."

Snorting, Zoro said, "Probably nothing good."

Zoro's captain—now that was a sore subject. Zoro missed Luffy something fierce. He missed all of them. Sometimes at work he would think about Chopper, particularly when he was putting a bandage on a scraped kid knee.

"Oi. Cook."

Sanji turned, his hair a pretty swirl of black, blue and green. Zoro folded his arms and looked out at the town as he asked, "Did you feel like shit too? Being separated? And not bein' able to help Luffy during that shitshow?"

"Yeah. I did."

"Mm."

It took Sanji a long few minutes to add anything else: "Ace… I liked him a lot." Sanji glanced at Zoro, deep blue eye holding something meaningful there. "A lot. Not being there to help save him was tough."

"Oh. Yeah, I kinda thought there was somethin' going on between you two."

"There wasn't," Sanji said quickly, "But there could have been, I think, if I wasn't such an idiot."

"Yeah, I can see that." Zoro grinned. Ace had obviously been into Sanji. "It sucked being stuck on Baboon fucking Island and learning about Marineford from the news, but it was what had to happen, I think. There's no point in all the what-ifs. But still. Luffy went through a lot. Bein' here looking for the Mera Mera no Mi is making me think about all that shit."

"I wonder if Luffy's kicked Blackbeard's ass yet."

"I think we woulda seen that in the news around here."

"Yeah, probably. Ooh, what about Robin-chwan? And Nami-swan? I bet they're having great adventures without us." Sanji's swooning sounded a little wistful.

"No one's found the Mera Mera no Mi yet, or we'd have heard something."

"Yeah. Maybe it really is here on Lumo."

"Then we better find it."

"We will," Sanji vowed. "If it's not with Luffy's crew, and it's not with Robin-chwan's group, then it's with us, here on Lumo."

That night, as Zoro reached over and rubbed Sanji's back, easing him out of another nightmare, Zoro couldn't help but reflect a little. He hadn't even known Sanji suffered from nightmares all the time before they started sleeping beside each other. Now he knew all kinds of stuff: Sanji's newfound love for being wrapped up in a throw blanket if one was nearby, and his skill with a pair of scissors, and his penchant for unconsciously wrapping around Zoro's warmth like an octopus (which always made Sanji blush and curse once he woke up and realized what he'd done).

In a way, he'd miss being fake married to Sanji, and this domestic little life in Lumo. It had its good moments. He liked his kids at school, and he liked getting Sanji's delicious meals all to himself without having to worry about fending off Luffy's wandering hands. The bed was comfortable, even with Sanji in it who tended to kick if he got irritated (and Zoro really didn't mind Sanji being here, which was its own whole complicated thing).

But obviously this life couldn't last; they both belonged on the Sunny, as Luffy's wings, ensuring he could become the Pirate King. Zoro didn't fight humandrills and Mihawk for two fucking years just to spend it raising a family with Sanji a couple months later.

With Sanji's breath evened out, Zoro removed his hand from the warm skin of Sanji's bare back, fingertips finding the scar from his lower back accident on Drum Island. The bed was cozy and warm. He'd sleep, and tomorrow… tomorrow they'd find the Mera Mera once and for all.

It was easier said than done, though. They started going out for dinner again, trying to catch whispers of fires or Roland Vane-related gossip. They even tried the club again, acting a lot more normal this time, hoping to make friends who might know the Vanes. That was a failure, but Zoro did have a great time dancing and drinking, and Sanji now had a standing invitation to join two lesbians they met on their weekly board game nights.

But all of that had nothing to do with the Mera Mera no Mi. They met nice people, and nice couples from all over Lumo that week, but none of them were in the Vanes' exclusive crew.

Their best bet was to go to the Shus' weekly wine tasting again, and try to get some more info about the Vanes out of Victoria Shu or one of the other attendees. Zoro was kind of curious to see what the Shus had done with Peishan's confession, too. Peishan seemed happier at school.

But before that, Zoro had to buy some fancy-ass wine. Sanji was running late for once, having a pretty involved cut-and-dye job or something, and had said he would meet Zoro at the Shus' house (but also with a snide comment along the lines of, 'if you can even find it, Marimo.') So here Zoro was, at the fanciest wine store he could stumble across, the next island over from the Shus.

Honestly, the selection was a little overwhelming. The shelves stretched up high enough that even Brook would struggle to reach, and there was a long ladder nearby on wheels like one might find in a library. The place was big, too, and there was a dark, cold basement with the reserve shit or whatever. Zoro had a wadful of Beri in his bag, though, which Sanji had coordinated to match the rest of his fancy outfit for a night out tasting wine (hopefully with no meltdowns this time).

Zoro walked up and down the aisles, frowning, the names and types blurring. How did Sanji pick anything out when confronted with all these options? There were a few other people around, some employees and some customers like him, but Zoro paid them little mind.

Aha! There was the type of wine that had caused Mrs. Shu to freak out last time—the fancy bubbly that she thought Kagayaku Vane had stolen from her house. Zoro picked it up, squinting at the label with its pretentious fonts and descriptions of the notes and mouthfeel or whatever.

"I recommend that one," a man said from the end of the aisle.

Zoro looked up as a short, rather mousy looking man came over, gesturing at the bottle in Zoro's hands. He was older, maybe in his fifties or early sixties, mostly-gray with thick spectacles.

"I had a glass once," Zoro said, "It was pretty good. Thanks, but I'm lookin' for something different for tonight."

"Oh?" The man looked a little bummed. "That one is one of my favorites. Something similar, then? Or different?"

"Uhhh, hm." Zoro looked up at the ceiling for help. "I don't know. My husband told me to get something fancy. He listed off a bunch of names, but honestly, I forget them all."

The man looked pleasantly surprised. "Your husband?"

"Yeah. He's a wine snob. Probably knows about all of these, what they pair well with, all of that." Zoro couldn't help but grin, shaking his head at Sanji's enthusiasm for anything having to do with food or drink.

"If you like whites, there's a Sauvignon Blanc from a few years ago that I sampled last time I was here that was excellent—"

An employee of the store popped around the corner into the aisle. "Hey, Mr. Vane, I got the case from the vault for you."

"Thank you," the man said, "I'll be right there."

"Vane?" Zoro blurted.

The man tilted his head as he eyed Zoro. Every inch of him was unassuming; the man looked weak as hell, actually. "Do I know you?" he asked, "Or do you know me?" With a smile, he held out a hand: "Kagayaku. You are…?"

Zoro shook. "Tachi Porter. My husband and I moved here almost two months ago." Then, because he had to lay it all on the line, he asked, "Did you burn down Victoria Shu's house?"

Kagayaku's eyes went wide behind his glasses, and his hand went slack. Then he threw both of his hands up in the air and asked, face reddening, "Is she still telling people I stole her wine and committed arson!?"

"Yeah." Zoro nodded emphatically. "My husband and I figured it was bullshit, but…"

"Yes, it's bullshit," Kagayaku snapped. He was clearly upset. "No, I didn't steal her wine, and no, I didn't burn down her house!"

Zoro already knew this, of course, but it was good to see the guy squirm. Kagayaku gave the bottle of wine Zoro had been looking at another glance. It seemed to dawn on him. "You can't bring that bottle wherever you're going…" Kagayaku said slowly, "...Because you're going to Victoria Shu's house? It is Friday, and she loves her tired little parties. And that's the brand she said I stole—"

Zoro just nodded.

Unexpectedly, Kagayaku clenched one frail-looking fist and pumped it in victory. "Ooh, I'm good," he said. "Still got it. Anyway—" he composed himself— "If you're looking for wine recommendations to bring to the Shus, I can't help you. There's no accounting for bad taste."

This dude was easy to read. Zoro wasn't really a people person but the way through this conversation came to him like sun peeking through clouds. This man seemed to dislike Victoria Shu as much as she hated him back, and if he could appeal to that…

"You're friends with the Shus?" Kagayaku asked, lowering his glasses and giving Zoro a look-over. "Really? You can do better than that, my dear."

Score!

"I'm a teacher, I teach her kid," Zoro said with a shrug. "We've been to one of her parties, but we didn't have too much in common with the crowd there, if you catch my drift." Zoro tilted his head meaningfully. He'd switched his favorite earrings out with three dangling mushrooms last week, for extra cover, and they jangled a little.

"Well, of course not," Kagayaku said, rolling his eyes. "They're all painfully straight. …Tell you what. What's your husband's name, Tachi?"

"Cassis."

"Why don't you call Cassis and tell him your plans have changed? I'm throwing a much more interesting party this evening." More to himself, Kagayaku muttered, "Oh, it'll make her so furious if I steal one of her partygoers."

Dude was petty. Zoro could roll with that.

He made a show of mulling it over for a moment. "Yeah, sure," he said. "Means I can go ahead and buy your original recommendation, at least, and I won't have to listen to conspiracy theories."

"Don't bother—the staff here always give me several dozen. They just loaded it onto my cart outside, it will be more than enough. I'll go settle the bill while you call your husband."

Hardly believing his luck, Zoro booked it to the counter and asked to use their den den mushi.

He had the number of the salon written in his wallet. His call was answered by a cheery voice, "Hello! This is Salon Chique! Amari speaking, how can I help you?"

"Amari-chwan," Zoro said urgently, "Is Cassis still there?"

"Oh, yeah, he's gathering his stuff to leave. Cassis, it's your beau! Everything okay?"

"Yeah, all fine, just wanted to catch him before he left."

There was some scuffling, and then: "Tachi?"

"Hey, babe," Zoro said, hyper-aware of Kagayaku nearby and the bored employee watching him take this call bent over the counter, "Glad I caught you. Change of plans - we got invited to another party."

Shit, he wasn't supposed to know the Vanes' address. He turned towards Kagayakyu, who was paying with an absurd amount of Beri. He spoke loud enough for Sanji to hear on the other end. "Kagayaku—what's your address? I'll have him meet us there, if that works?"

Kagayaku told him, distracted by counting out bills, and Zoro relayed it. "I'll see you there?" he asked.

"...Yes," Sanji replied. "I'll be there. Don't do anything to embarrass me before I arrive."

Zoro read that for what it was: don't engage the enemy until I get there.

"I won't. I promise I won't bother pretending like I know anything about wine—that's all you, baby. Okay, I'll see you there. Love you."

"L-Love you," Sanji stuttered back, and Zoro hung up.

His face burned a little but he turned and, without prompting, lifted the last box of wine bottles Kagayaku had ordered. "Where's your cart?" he asked.

"Oh my," was all Kagayaku said, staring at Zoro. "Um, just outside the doors."

Zoro went and carefully placed it beside three other similar boxes. The two sweating employees there looked at him with shock. "Wow, you're strong," one of them said, a young college-aged kid. "It takes three of us for those."

"We all start somewhere," Zoro said seriously, which made Kagayaku, coming up behind him, snort.

"Okay," he said, "These two always help me get the bottles home. They know the address, we can walk at our own pace."

"Eh. It's fine, I got it," Zoro said, and reached for the cart handle. "I get lost easy though, so let's go together."

"...Sure," Kagayaku said. "Till next time, boys."

"Bye, Mr. Vane," one of them said, clearly relieved, and waved them goodbye.

As Zoro and Kagayaku started up the hill towards the Vane mansion, Kagayaku said, "What did you say you did again? Teaching?"

"Mm. Five year olds."

"I didn't realize teachers needed such… musculature," Kagayaku said, gesturing at Zoro.

Zoro paused, eyed the appreciative, but chaste, look Kagayaku was giving him, and grinned his best, smarmiest smile. "Cassis doesn't mind," he drawled.

"Ha! I'm sure he doesn't. You mentioned you recently got married?"

"Mm. In Dressrosa. We moved here to, ah, think about starting a family."

"That's wonderful. My husband and I are childless, but that suits us just fine."

"When did you two meet?"

"Two years ago," Kagayaku said, a wistful smile on his face. "I know that seems awfully fast to get married, but, well—the soul wants what the soul wants."

…Huh. After Roland Vane's release from Impel Down?

"Sometimes I still forget Vane is my last name," he chuckled. "Did you end up taking your husband's, or him yours?"

"Ah, he took mine. He had a weird one, kind of a mouthful. You'll like him though. Like I said, he knows all about wine. He works at a salon." Zoro was running his mouth now, trying to keep Kagayaku focused on things he could answer, and not parts of their fake lives like who took whose fucking name; they'd never decided on something like that.

"I have been thinking of getting a trim." Kagayaku's hair was longer and pulled back into a ponytail. He really wasn't what Zoro had been picturing at all—just some kind of wrinkled, bespectacled, mildly bitchy dude. "Are you sure you're fine carrying that?"

"Huh?" Zoro looked back at the massive cart loaded with wines. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for the party invite, by the way—we weren't exactly looking forward to the Shu one."

That was kind of a lie. Truly, Zoro had not been looking forward to socializing at all, but he had been ready to see Peishan.

"I'll bet," Kagayaku said sourly. "I'll tell you; I spent years by her side. Hers was one of the first weddings I planned—that's what I do for a living—about seven years ago. We were thick as thieves for years, and she breaks off our friendship over Agusti Torello Mata? I didn't steal anything! If anything, it was that terrible brown-nosing cousin of hers, always asking for money and favors, to sell and make a quick buck. Her house burning down was an unfortunate coincidence, but it was just a coincidence!"

Yeah, Zoro knew that. Her young child had gotten access somehow to a lighter and a candle.

Kagayaku huffed. "I apologize, Tachi, talking about this always gets me bent out of shape. I'm not always so emotional. But you're coming to my party now, not hers, and she can steep in her disappointment and jealousy over it. Ha."

"Damn," Zoro said with a laugh, "Harsh. It'll be nice to make some queer friends in the archipelago, though."

"Well, yes," Kagayaku said, sounding much more pleasant now. "The group we have is just wonderful. We only do these once a month, though, not every Friday or every other like hers. It was a good coincidence we met."

"Sure," Zoro agreed. "I get free alcohol, and my husband gets to talk your ear off about wine. Sounds like a good time."

The house came into view soon enough, the same one he and Sanji had scoped out recently. Zoro hadn't even realized he was on the Vanes' island – he had just been island hopping on his way to where he was pretty sure the Shu house was! The front gate was massive, and Zoro quickly found out why. Kagayaku used keys to let himself into the equally large front door, and a moment later Roland Vane himself came into the entrance hall.

The dude was fucking huge. Zoro had heard that in Tottoland there were half-giants, or quarter-giants, and Roland Vane had to have some of that blood in him, because the guy was easily three of Zoro height-wise and at least two Zoros wide. His face was a mess of grizzled-looking scars and his eyes were a freakish pale yellow, deep-set with lots of wrinkles around them from decades of scowls and glares.

Then the guy reached out, snatched his husband up with one gentle hand, and raised him up. Kagayaku held out his arms and hugged Roland's neck, pressing a sweet kiss to one big cheek, and said, "I'm home early, my love, with an extra."

Those eyes fixed on Zoro. Zoro knew from the debrief that Roland Vane had at least two different types of haki. He'd killed thousands and tortured hundreds more. His bounty, before capture and holding at Impel Down, had been over a billion.

"Welcome," Roland Vane rumbled. He carefully set his husband back on the ground, towering over them both. "My name is Roland; it's nice to meet you."

"Tachi Porter," Zoro said, getting with the program. "Thanks for having me. Sorry for the unexpected addition to your party, I guess."

Kagayaku waved him away. "Tachi's a friend of Victoria's," he said, and then smiled slyly, "or maybe was a friend…? Anyway, we got to talking at the liquor store, and I managed to convince him and his husband to come to our party instead."

Roland Vane laughed, and the sound echoed a little off the marble flooring. "Well, thank you for that," he said, "You just made Kagayaku's week, I'm sure."

"Happy to do it," Zoro answered, off-put by the massive, scary-looking dude with his frail, forgettable husband leaning so lovingly against one huge leg. "Anything I can do to help you get ready for the party?"

"Only one thing," Kagayaku said, rooting through the topmost case of wine on the cart Zoro had pulled uphill. He proudly held out the bottle of Agusti Torello Mata that had caused all this headache. "I'll chill this, and then you can enjoy and relax. Roland will help me finish decorating."

Zoro could do that.

He ended up wandering around the mansion sipping at his wine. The place was exquisitely decorated, and some of the artifacts lying around definitely weren't picked up at the corner store, more like the prized ship of some old fleet from a decade ago… but there were no weapons, no pits of fire or death, and only the two of them and a couple of friendly staff to help with the decorations. A few butlers wandered around, preparing drinks and glasses and serving trays for when the party started in like half an hour, and they kept offering to refill Zoro's glass whenever it got low.

When the first guest came, Zoro awkwardly wandered out behind Roland Vane's massive frame, because what the hell else was he going to do? It was two elderly women in jawdropping gowns and dripping in jewels, and both of them threw their arms around Kagayaku.

"This is Jaya and her wife, Mizra," Kagayaku introduced, and Zoro shook hands, knowing he wasn't going to remember any of them. He was here to maybe kill Roland Vane in the next couple hours. Every subsequent guest, although obviously rich as fuck, was kind to him. People wanted to know all about his teaching job (some reacting with shock that Zoro had to actually clean up poop sometimes) and asked him about Cassis, and how he liked Lumo so far, all of that stuff. Everyone was part of a couple, and everyone was gay, or pan, or trans, or something else, and it was actually pretty damn cool. Too bad Zoro was getting nervous about having to scar them all by killing one of the hosts.

Thank goodness, one of the next knocks was Cassis himself. Sanji looked like a million beri as usual, long and lean, impeccably fitted, with his glossy black hair glittering under the chandelier above the door. Kagayaku smiled politely as he greeted Sanji, not knowing who he was, and Zoro swooped in, relief rushing through him.

"This is Cassis," Zoro said, reaching out and tucking Sanji against his side where he fit just right. He pressed a warm kiss to Sanji's temple to be convincing. "Cassis, Kagayaku Vane. Met him at the liquor store today, decided to tag along."

Sanji could charm anybody; Zoro knew this. Still, Sanji's genuine smile and compliments about the home seemed to immediately put him in Kagayaku's good books. Kagayaku smiled at the both of them, standing close, and said, "Congratulations on your marriage, by the way. Remind me later; there's something I want to talk to you about, about that."

"Sure," Zoro agreed. "I'll show Cassis around and get him some wine?"

"Oh, absolutely. Cassis, dear, I hear you know your wine. The tastings will start promptly at eight on the back deck."

"I'll be there," Sanji promised, and then Zoro led him away by the hand.

They took a couple minutes to mill around, greeting people and shaking hands, before Sanji got his first glass of wine and asked Zoro where the bathroom was. Upon finding one, in a quiet hallway a good distance from the epicenter of the party, Sanji hauled Zoro into the bathroom with him and locked the door.

"What the fuck," Sanji whispered extremely quietly, pressing their foreheads together.

Zoro nearly went cross-eyed keeping Sanji in his sights, so he closed his eyes. Sanji's breath smelled like wine. Not terrible. "Total dumb luck he saw me at the store. I mentioned the Shus, he got weird and jealous; dude is happy he was able to 'convince' us to ditch that party for this one. They really hate each other."

"And Roland?"

"I met him, but I didn't sense any killing intent. No evidence of the Mera Mera no Mi yet, either. He's huge, but that's all so far."

"Okay," Sanji said, pulling back. Then, at a regular volume, he said, "Tachi, we can kiss later. Get out! I'm trying to take a piss!"

"Spoilsport," Zoro sneered, backing out of the bathroom. He waited by the door for Sanji to finish and handed his husband his wine once he returned. The party was really in full swing now. The two of them held hands and checked out the art on the walls, expensive stuff that surely was stolen during Roland's pirating days. It was gorgeous though.

When Roland Vane cut through the room, two butlers carrying massive trays of charcuterie behind him, Zoro said, "Oh, Cassis. That's Roland, Kagayaku's husband."

There was no way to miss him; the guy was the largest in attendance by far. Sanji just said, watching him go, "I'll have to thank him later for the invitation."

Some of the art went upstairs and along the stairwell, and the two of them followed it. As Zoro engaged a couple upstairs with conversation about an art piece (he was bullshitting everything), Sanji excused himself to the restroom again, but really faded back into the shadows to hunt for the Mera Mera no Mi.

Sanji materialized at his side again before too long and shook his head. Fuck.

They were running out of options.

For the moment, they went to the wine tasting happening downstairs. House staff passed out tiny tasting-glasses full of different wines, and there were velvet notebooks and expensive ink pens to write down one's thoughts about the selections. Boring. Zoro stuck by Sanji's side as he did all that stuff, comparing notes with other partygoers and occasionally even offering his wisdom to Kagayaku, who looked happy as hell to hear it.

Zoro managed to get his hands on his own bottle (which got him a couple raised eyebrows and a chuckle from Kagayaku) and retreated to a couch within striking distance of Roland Vane. The huge man had a special chair just for him in the living room, towering over everything else. As popular as Kagayaku was, Roland seemed a little more reserved… he sat by himself and politely greeted people who came, but didn't engage them in real conversation.

Zoro grunted as he sat down, "Nice party."

"Thanks," Roland replied. "Not into the tasting?"

Zoro held up his bottle in a mock-cheers. "Nah. I'll just taste this one over and over."

With a loud, rumbly chuckle, Roland said, "Amen to that."

So they sat there, with Roland occasionally waving and smiling politely at guests across the room, and Zoro planning ways to kill him.

Killing Roland Vane was not the ideal plan. For one: their cover would be blown. Two, the dude had the Mera Mera no Mi. Taking out a logia user wasn't easy. Three, they'd have to find where the Mera Mera no Mi would grow elsewhere in the archipelago, and with all the different islands, there was no way to guarantee that it was even them who would find it first. Devil Fruits were worth a lot of money, after all, and a lot of common people would probably be curious enough to try it, if not sell it.

His swords were back in the cottage. There were three knives in his boots, though, and he had haki, and Sanji never needed weapons to fight and could do so at full power… but a room full of civilians? It would be next to impossible to avoid civilian casualties. Maybe if they could get Roland Vane outside for some reason, and lure him away from the house with a well-placed lie, then they could—

Sanji appeared at his side and sat beside him. He was all warmth and long legs, and Zoro refocused, lifting an arm and draping it across Sanji's strong shoulders. Sanji snuggled in a little, cozy and comfortable.

"Enjoying that, Tachi?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's good. You know I like the harder stuff though."

"Mm. Thank you for having us, Roland."

Roland Vane had been surveying the party quietly, a small smile playing around his gnarled mouth. Zoro noticed that more often than not his eyes tracked his husband. "You're welcome," he answered, clearly a little distracted.

Sanji passed Zoro his wine glass and extracted himself from Zoro's reach. "Actually," he said, "I feel like having a smoke. Would you prefer I smoke outside?"

Roland's yellow eyes snapped to Sanji as he stood. "Kagayaku doesn't like smoke in the house," he said. "Sorry."

"That's fine. You got a light?"

Roland nodded, and Zoro watched, heart rate spiking, as Sanji leant in and up. He remembered Ace lighting Sanji's cigarette with his fingertip a few times back in the day. He shifted his legs, the knife in his right boot within reach. Roland's arm moved from the back of his chair and down, down towards Sanji—

—Zoro's hand inched towards his knife—

—Sanji held out his cigarette—

—and Roland reached into his pocket, and handed Sanji a lighter.

"You can give it back when you're done," Roland said, passing it over, attention already drawn to someone calling out to him by the front door.

Sanji turned, conveyed a whole conversation in the slant to his eyes and brow, and the downturning of his pretty mouth, and left for the porch to have his smoke.

Zoro sat there, struck, and waited for Sanji's return.

When he did, Sanji gave the lighter back with a thankful murmur and took his place at Zoro's side again. Sanji rubbed one comforting hand down Zoro's thigh. He hadn't even realized how tense he was. Sanji squeezed his ankle too, tapping a soothing beat against the bone.

And suddenly Zoro had the strangest moment of self-awareness. Here he was, sitting with Sanji fucking Blackleg cuddled against his side, liking it, even, at some fancypants party he normally wouldn't be caught dead at, somehow having a little bit of fun.

Zoro did what came naturally: he turned his head, pressed a soft kiss to the crown of Sanji's head, and murmured, "Hey, Cassis? That thing we were looking for? Startin' to think it isn't here."

"...Yeah," Sanji answered, leaning his head against Zoro more, "I don't think so, either."

Failure felt… weird. Obviously, he wanted to be the one to bring the Mera Mera no Mi back to Luffy, so his Captain would smile and give the fruit to someone who really deserved it. But still… it was a relief, too, to not have to kill this guy who clearly loved his husband so much, who was maybe even—reformed? Rehabilitated? After his stint in Impel Down?

Still, Zoro was sad, in a way, knowing they'd call the Strawhats that evening and ask for a pickup. There were parts of this life he'd come to like a hell of a lot.

As they sat there, each of them thinking, more and more folks gathered in the seats around them, drawn to friendly conversation with each other and Roland, their host. A couple to their right started talking about their honeymoon plans, and both women delighted in Sanji's compliments about their outfits.

Zoro tapped glasses with an elderly person in a suit who told him he was handsome, but his blond hair did nothing for his complexion. Sanji laughed. Zoro drank, and he humored a few people's questions, and he tried to savor this last evening. Kagayaku came over at one point, jumping up and crawling up to the seat of Roland's massive chair. Roland handled him like he was infinitely breakable and precious, and seeing the two seemingly mis-matched men be stupidly in love made even Zoro's heart feel warm.

"Well, Roland officiated our wedding," one of the women was saying to someone on Zoro's other side, "Obviously."

"Benefits of the Mera Mera no Mi," Kagayaku said, pressed closely to his husband's side.

Zoro couldn't even help his full-body reaction to the shock. "What did you just say?" he asked, arm around Sanji's shoulders going tense.

Roland Vane's gaze snapped onto them both. Kagayaku took a long, seemingly endless sip of his wine before he repeated himself:

"I said, 'Benefits of the Marry Marry no Mi.' I meant to talk to you about that, actually—my dear Roland has a rather special Devil Fruit power. Everyone here whose wedding I've planned has benefited from its powers."

"Yes!" the woman from before said, "I had no idea a Devil Fruit could do something like that, but it's made our bond even stronger, hasn't it?"

"Absolutely," her wife responded, and kissed her right on the mouth.

Murmurs of assent came from around them, all happy couples, and Sanji said slowly, "The… Marry Marry no Mi."

"I mentioned that it might seem like we got married quickly earlier, but truly, the soul knows what it wants—Roland's powers showed me the beauty of that." Kagayaku tilted his head up, and his huge, terrifying husband leant down, down, down to kiss him.

What the fuck.

"Actually…" Kagayaku said, smiling slyly around at the group.

"Do it!" someone called, and Roland Vane extended one hand out towards Zoro and Sanji.

"Belated congratulations on your wedding," Roland Vane said, and something in his smile looked a little cruel now, a bit like what someone of his infamy might bring—and then he closed his massive fist.

Zoro blinked.

"Eh?" he asked. "Did you just do something to us?"

"Awww," one of the two wives cooed, "It worked."

Zoro felt the same as ever, if a little tipsy from all the wine he'd been nervously drinking, except—his soulmate was in distress, he knew that. Zoro turned to Sanji, who was staring at his lap, his hands trembling.

Sanji was crying. Zoro made a soft noise of alarm and reached out with his thumbs, wiping tears away from those pretty blue eyes. The small, Sanji-shaped space beside his heart thrummed comforting and warm.

"I feel it," Sanji choked out, not looking at Zoro but past him, at Roland Vane.

"Feel what?" Zoro asked, but at Sanji's irritated look, focused, really focused, and then he looked at Vane too. One of Zoro's hands clasped to his chest, where he could swear he sensed Sanji there.

"That means you were already devoted to each other," Kagayaku said, smiling too-sharp at them. "In the ways that mattered, anyway. If you weren't compatible, the connection between your two souls would have killed you."

Roland Vane chuckled darkly. "You should have seen what happened when I merged two sworn enemies together with this power…"

"No talk of blood at the party," Kagayaku said, patting his husband's massive thigh. "What do you think? Think of it as our wedding gift to you."

"The soul-marriage was the greatest thing that's ever happened to us," said someone standing behind their couch, to many murmurs of agreement from the other couples around them.

"You soul-married us?" Zoro asked, and got a duh look back from Kagayaku Vane. "What if—what if, like, you did that to two people who don't hate each other, but don't love each other either, it's just kind of neutral? And—"

"You freaked out just like this when it happened," one man told his husband on the next couch over.

"Then you would be dead," Roland Vane said stonily. "Stop fighting it; just enjoy it. If you two weren't compatible, like Kagayaku said, your souls would have rejected the connection, and you would have died."

"That's one way to spice up your parties, Kagayaku," a young woman laughed over her wine glass.

"But luckily, no death today," Kagayaku said. "Who needs more wine?"

Among the rush of people going back to get more, Sanji and Zoro stayed seated. Sanji grabbed Zoro's hand and held it tight, until the rush in Zoro's ears and the frantic beating of his heart calmed. This Sanji—the Sanji Zoro had come to think of as his husband, his fake-husband, smiled shakily at him. And Zoro could feel it, deep in his chest and fizzy in his head, Sanji's hope… and a bit of sheepish embarrassment.

"Guess I liked married life more than I let on," Sanji said, smiling crookedly. His eyes were still a little puffy from before.

"Yeah," Zoro croaked, "Me too, Curly."

Roland Vane interrupted their moment. "I can't undo it, either, so don't bother asking."

"...Okay," Sanji said. "Tachi. Let's get some fresh air."

"Sure thing, Cassis," Zoro said, pulling Sanji to his feet. He drained his wine glass and followed Sanji out the front door, and down the walkway, and down the street, and all the way back home, without a backwards glance.

The Sunny was due to pick them up in just another hour or two. Luffy's group was onboard, having run into shit luck on the Blackbeard ally front. According to Chopper, who Sanji had spoken with via den den mushi, they hadn't run into Blackbeard either, which may have been a blessing. They had successfully saved two islands from corrupt rulers and had a dozen smaller adventures besides, though, and hearing about it made both of them grin and ache for their nakama.

After picking up Zoro and Sanji in Lumo they would head to a small island a week's journey away to find the rest of the crew. Robin had just called it in: they'd found the Mera Mera no Mi.

It was in Dressrosa, she said, under the watchful eye of Doflamingo, and set to be the prize of some sort of battle royale happening in a few weeks. Obviously they would enter.

But first they had to clear all their shit out of the house. While Sanji packed up their food, Zoro walked through the house and carefully cleaned up. The cottage had served them well; with any luck, the next person in need would find it just as useful. He had to scrounge through the bedside tables for all the stuff they'd stashed there, finding a few folded drawings of scribbles from his kids at school. He packed them.

He did steal one small thing from the bathroom. On the wall, on a tiny shelf, was a small glass jar of Lumo mushrooms that glowed at night and functioned like a tiny nightlight that had always guided him to the toilet when he had to piss. He carefully took it down and packed it into Sanji's bag where there was extra space, beside the rolled-up marriage certificate for Tachi and Cassis Porter destined for the fridge on the Sunny.

Sanji just smiled at him as he watched Zoro do it.

He was blond again after Amari had done it herself for him earlier that morning at work. It had taken hours to lighten it back to something like its usual sunny blond after dyeing it such a midnight black, but seeing Sanji back to his usual self was great. Zoro had foregone any green dye, figuring he'd grow it out soon enough. Already he had some green at his roots again. His shit grew fast.

With everything packed up, the two of them stashed the key back in the cushion on the loveseat outside.

"Later, Enoki Street. …Hey," Zoro said, peeking at Sanji's backpack, "Did you take one of her blankets? The one that was always on the back of the couch?"

"Shut up, Marimo," Sanji said. "I loved that thing."

"How come you're so cold all the time anyway?" Zoro complained, bullshitting to push past the weird swell of emotion he felt saying goodbye to their Lumo house.

"Because I grew up in North Blue," Sanji answered, "Fuck that place."

"You grew up in North Blue?"

"Yeah," Sanji answered, and Zoro felt a pulse of discomfort through the strange soul connection they were still getting used to. "Yikes, remind me not to ask again about North Blue…"

"I feel like that's cheating."

"I'm just using all the tools at my soul-husband disposal."

Sanji laughed, a little shy, and they headed towards the outer edge of the archipelago where they'd been dropped off. Zoro ran into one of his students on one of the big bridges, and had to lie about going on vacation. The kid hugged him, and Zoro hugged back, trying to not feel like a massive fucking asshole. He spared a thought to Peishan, and hoped she'd find another teacher she could open up to in the future.

"She'll be fine," Sanji assured him as they continued on their way.

"Cheating."

"What was that? Something about me using all the tools a soul-husband can use, blah blah blah…"

As the Sunny came into view, Zoro could feel Sanji's apprehension. "Hey," he said, catching Sanji's gaze. "We talked about this last night. Even though we got soul-married or whatever, it's still just you and me."

"Yeah," Sanji said. "It's just—it's easier, when we're all the way out here."

"I know."

"I mean," Sanji rambled, reaching up a hand to pull at his hair but getting it smacked away before it could connect, "We're not even dating, Marimo, but I have to tell Luffy and the others we got soul-married on Lumo?"

"Whaaat," Zoro complained, a grin pulling at his mouth, "We've been on like, twenty dates already. Shut the hell up. Wanna do dinner in the crow's nest or something tonight?"

That was what Sanji wanted, Zoro was positive. Sure enough, that Sanji-shaped space filled with color and happy warmth. The dude wanted reassurance that Zoro wasn't gonna drop his ass as soon as they got back on the ship, and why the hell would Zoro do something like that? Life with Sanji Blackleg was pretty sweet, he'd learned.

As soon as he was able, Luffy reached over the deck and hauled them both up with a quick snap of rubber into two overenthusiastic hugs.

"Zoro is blond!" Luffy said loudly, delighted. "Tell us about Lumo!"

"How can I talk when you're strangling me?" Sanji protested. "Put us down! We need to get our things!"

"Hey, witch," Zoro greeted Nami with a scowl.

"How was married life?" she teased. She had new bruises on one cheek and her shoulder, but looked stronger than ever. He'd have to hear about their adventures later.

"Actually," Zoro said, grinning, "It wasn't half bad."

Later, up in the crow's nest, Sanji hesitantly scooted closer and closer, not quite touching even though Zoro's head rang with Sanji's need to be held. Zoro reached out and pulled him closer, his touch intentional and firm. Sanji's answering smile was all he needed.

"I missed you," Sanji confessed quietly, breathing cigarette smoke to the ceiling. "During those two years. Wasn't gonna tell you that, obviously, but I was kind of excited when I heard we were gonna be fake-married for awhile."

"Oho," Zoro drawled, "The Curly Cook had a crush on me."

"I didn't, shut up," Sanji groused. Zoro knew that was a lie.

"But you know," Sanji continued, as he tucked his blanket he'd taken from Lumo a little tighter around him, "We're soul-married and all of that. I feel like it's weird we haven't kissed yet. You down, Marimo?"

Sanji turned to face him, tilting his head, eyes sparkling with mischief. Zoro was so fucking glad he'd never have to call him Cassis again.

"Yeah, Sanji, I am," Zoro breathed, and leant in.