Chapter Text
On the penultimate loop, you went to talk to everyone. It didn't seem right leaving them behind without a word. After all, you are going to be taking away their last chance at life.
But after 9 million last chances, it had to stop somewhere.
Your last death was a comparatively gentle one, where you watched the sun explode as you have done so many times. You had spent the entire loop trying to communicate with Solanum. It was difficult, to say the least. In the end, you resigned yourself to just make it clear that you felt the same bond to her, as she did to you. Then you flew into the sky and tried not to look at her broken and frail body, now a plaything for macroscopic quantum mechanics.
As you woke one loop after, you did so with a soft breath, and watched the orbital probe cannon explode above like a wave hello from an old friend. You traced the now redundant path of the probe with your eyes, a firefly in the night.
The first talk would be with Slate, your constant fireside companion - truthfully, the only face that you saw in every single loop... if only because you had no choice. How many times had they seen you get up and head towards a ship with nary a glance? They had never looked up to you and spoken to stop you, never asked where you were going. Perhaps they had assumed you had already received the launch codes from Hornfels. Perhaps you had never given them the time and chance to say something.
"Slate," you started awkwardly, "your ship is pretty great."
They looked at you, one eyebrow raised.
"I know," and they seemed pleased, underneath their cocky exterior. Confused, too. "What brought this on?"
"Nothing," because you knew from experience that the truth did not go down well. "I'd better go see Hornfels now."
"Alrighty, hatchling. Don't take too long, I want to see how this beauty flies." You knew it would take a while, but you didn't tell them that.
As you made your way around the village, you found yourself numb. Everything you do now will be the last time you do them, but it was hard to comprehend when you had already spent what felt like years replaying the very same day. You felt like you could perfectly predict the cricket song that greeted you every loop beginning, and that you would never forget the rhythm and colour of the geysers that touch the sky under the dawn light of the dying sun. It was a part of you. How could you ever forget?
There was a sharp pang of guilt as you talked to the kids. Slate's miniature apprentice Mica with their wonderfully made ship, who would never get to make a ship of their own. Tephra and Galena, your undeniable favourites - you spent a good day playing hide and seek with them. When your ears dipped low and your eyes grew glassy, you told them you wished you had played with them more. Galena then, to your suprise at their initiative, went to hug you, and Tephra (less surprising) joined in. "We're just glad you're here now, astronaut." Galena said quietly.
For Arkose, you told them a short story of a meteor of unknown origins holding flames of death that visited our star system and destroyed all hope and laughter and curiosity. You told them how nature will always find a way to survive, how it will crawl out of the seas and grow despite adversity. How their ancestors would dance around ghost matter like it was harmless, like they were invincible. And how we survived until now, haven't we?
You could tell that they lost interest in parts, and that perhaps they were humouring you when they said it was a cool story, but then you spent a few minutes throwing rocks into the ghost matter with them (venting your anger about all the deaths it caused, the death of an entire civilisation) and they off-handedly said;
"I'm going to miss you, astronaut."
For Gneiss, you said you would like to learn an instrument. The way their face lit up! They shushed you off, telling you that they would get straight on creating you one.
"It's going to suit you so well!" They said secretively. You knew you would never get to see it, but that's okay. Their joy was what was important, no matter how momentary. That's what everything that has happened has taught you.
You fixed the satellite again for Gossan. It has been so long, the beginning of the loops, since you had entered these caves. You told them how you knew that all your accomplishments were due to their teaching. They told you not to be silly, and to go get the launch codes.
"Enjoy your first flight," he said, "it only happens once!" The irony didn't escape you.
(While you were in the caves, you convinced Tuff to take a break from mining. It was the best thing for them, to see the sunlight after so long in the darkness. You had been afraid enough to not want to see anyone else in any fear.)
You give Spinel some space - letting them fish in peace was the best goodbye you could give them. You followed up with a forced gulp of Porphy's so called "structural collapse" sap wine, smiling through the awful aftertaste. Moraine seemed to appreciate your company, as the two of you listened to the sky with your signalscopes.
Similar to throwing rocks at ghost matter, you joined Tektite in hacking up that Dark Bramble seed. You wondered where you would be without Dark Bramble. The Nomai would never had crashed. The time loop would never had started. You would have gone up into space on your first flight, and then died a fiery death before you even got to see anything.
After this long, it's hard to have regrets. Even against something so toxic like Dark Bramble.
You didn't really know what to do for Marl as the greatest gift for them would be the termination of his mortal enemy, the tree. So you invited him along on the cutting of the dark bramble seed, and Tektite, Marl and you had a grand time taking the seed apart. It was also a gift to Rutile, who for a short time didn't have to worry about either a rogue tree keeper or a disaster of an astronaut.
Lastly, you said goodbye to the other members of Outer Wild Ventures. You told Chert and Riebeck everything you had found out about the Nomai. You gave Esker some company for an entire loop. You brought back the Vessels broken warp core to Hornfels to see the happiness on their face. You detailed your adventures to Feldspar, as they listened with an air of a proud mentor.
You talked it out with Gabbro. About what you were going to do. About how you're not scared anymore. You could tell they were tired too. They agreed.
You talked to Hal last. They had been with you from the beginning, before either of you had even known who you were or who you would become. You didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything. You just hung out together, polishing up a translator that you knew was already perfect, just to spend time with your closest friend.
You couldn't admit to yourself that you had already emotionally moved on.
These final loops were over now. There was a feeling in your stomach that you were now very familiar with but you still had no idea how to explain.
You watched the sun explode in a void black sky as you sat on the launch platform, legs swinging above the treeline. This would be your last, one way or another. You were ready to observe the Eye.
You burnt alive, a sensation both comfortably familiar and agonising.