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I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater
I’ll always remember that day, the two of us shivering outside the restaurant, waiting for our uber to arrive and take us home.
It was cold that day, of course it was, in the middle of winter. I’d been stupid enough not to bring a coat, a hoodie, anything. Just my t-shirt.
You looked over at me, cheeks pink from the frosty bite. Mine were the same color, but not from the cold.
You smiled at me, teeth chattering. “You look cold, Skeppy, take my sweater.”
I shake my head, “I don’t want you to be cold either. It’s fine, our uber will be here soon.”
You didn’t listen, but I hadn’t expected you to. Shaking your head, you pulled it over your head, handing me the soft bundle.
You said it looked better on me than it did you
I pulled it on, noticing how it was ever so slightly too big for me. Smiling up at you, I wrapped you in a hug. “Here, my hugs will keep you warm, Bad!”
You giggled along with me, studying my face. “You look cute, all bundled up in my sweater.”
Only if you knew how much I liked you
You didn’t realize what you said, you never do. But I was left standing there, heart pounding, cheeks flushed with happiness.
“Thank you.”
But I watch your eyes as she
Walks by
I could’ve lived in that moment forever. Just you and me, together.
But of course, that had to be ruined.
A girl, I didn’t know her, but you certainly did. Your face lit up with happiness when you saw her, a look that I had always thought was reserved for me.
What a sight for sore eyes
Brighter than the blue sky
Her eyes were a beautiful light blue, her hair a perfect golden brown.
She smiled at you, approaching us.
“Hi, Bad. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Even her voice was perfect, and I could tell you thought so, what with the way you looked at her, like she was your world.
I’d always thought I was your world.
“What a nice surprise! Skeppy, this is Heather. Heather, this is Skeppy.”
After the introduction, I’m tossed to the side.
Forgotten.
She’s got you mesmerized while I die
You laughed at her jokes, smiled at her stories. You blocked out everything and everyone but her.
Even me.
So I was left standing there, awkwardly shifting my feet as you got lost in her.
The uber came, and you said good-bye, acting as if you couldn’t live without her.
But I thought that was me.
I thought I was your everything, your other half.
You were always mine.
Why would you ever kiss me?
I’m not even half as pretty
A week went by, I was able to forget about her.
You would never replace me, I knew that.
I knew that.
We were sitting on the couch, knees pressed against each other as we watched a movie. I don’t even remember what it was called.
All I could focus on was you. The glow of the screen making you look almost majestic, your eyes glittering with anticipation.
You glanced over at me, noticing the way I was watching you, entranced.
“You good, Skeppy?”
Of course I was good. But why couldn’t I talk? Why did the words catch in my throat?
Without thinking, I leaned forward, pressing my lips against yours.
It felt like heaven.
But I was scared. Scared of rejection, of hatred. And maybe a little bit scared that there was someone better\ than me. So I pulled away only a second later.
"I- I'm sorry, Bad, I don't know what came over me-"
You only smiled, positioning hands on each of my cheeks. Looking at me for only a second before kissing me again.
No one has ever made me this happy before. You give me a special kind of high.
You kissed me, and I almost thought I had a chance.
You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester
Almost.
But then again, did I ever really stand a chance against her?
I remember, not even a day later, you said you wanted to meet her at the beach, it would be a nice way for us to get to know each other.
Why can’t I say no to you?
But you like her better
Wish I were Heather
I should’ve known this would be a bad idea, I would just be left forgotten, like last time.
But how could I ever say no to you?
Smiles and giggles shared between each other, while I’m left standing behind.
It’s like I’m invisible to you, when I used to be the only one you saw.
What happened to us?
Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand
Put your arm ‘round her shoulder, now I’m getting colder
I only brought a t-shirt, thinking it would be warm.
But somehow, the lack of your presence makes me only feel colder.
It’s been a while since I looked up from the ground, unable to bring myself to see you having so much fun with someone else.
As soon as I see you, I look down again.
Your fingers are tangled together, your arm wrapped around her shoulder.
She’s wearing the same sweater you used to give to me.
Holding the same hand I thought was meant for me and me alone.
The cold is so strong it hurts.
But how could I hater her? She’s such an angel
But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she
Walks by
The worst part is how sweet she is.
Maybe if I didn’t hate her so much, we could actually be friends.
She has that same selfless, innocent personality that you have. But she could never be you, and the fact that she tries makes me hate her even more.
What a sight for sore eyes
Brighter than the blue sky
She’s got you mesmerized while I die
Sometimes, I think she knows what she’s doing.
Smiling wide at me as you grab onto her hand, eyeing me as she kisses your cheek.
What happened to us?
I thought you loved me too.
You don’t even bat an eye at the way she so obviously hates me.
I’d think she’s jealous of us, but what are we anymore?
It’s not like I mean anything to you. Not anymore.
Why would you ever kiss me?
I’m not even half as pretty
Remember when we kissed on the couch?
I really thought you loved me, but you deserve so much better.
She’s perfect for you, everything I’ll never be.
I’m trying to accept it. Really, I am.
But it’s hard to watch your favorite person slowly drift away.
We used to be each other’s other half.
But now I’m just an empty shell, while you have her to fill you in.
But you deserve it.
You deserve to be happy.
You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester
It’s hard to watch, and my mind is in a circle of happiness and sadness.
You look so perfect with her, you fit together so nicely.
Like puzzle pieces.
We fit together too, but I guess we were from different puzzles.
She’s wearing the same sweater you used to give to me.
But you like her better
Wish I were-
“Skeppy?”
I sat up, trying to dry my tear stained face. “Yeah, Bad?”
You slowly opened the door, sitting on the edge of my bed.
It was dark, but you noticed something was off, you always noticed that about me.
“Skeppy, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
I tried to turn away, but you caught my cheek with an open hand.
Rubbing a gentle thumb under my eyes, you wiped away my tears, moving closer to me.
“I’m always here for you, talk to me.”
I shook my head, you couldn’t know that you were the reason.
“Please, we’ve been so distant lately.”
You were right, even though I hadn’t seen Heather in a while, we hadn’t gone back to normal.
My tears fall faster, catching your fingers. Frowning deeper, you took one of my hands, bringing it to your lips.
“I love you so much, Skeppy, you mean everything to me.”
And you broke me, made everything come crashing down with one breath.
“Bad, I- I love you so much, and you kissed me so I thought you loved me too! But then you just kept going back to Heather. I was happy for you, I really was, but it hurt so, so bad. Like my favorite person in the whole world just forgot about me, and I don’t know why she’s gone now, but we aren’t back to normal, and it’s slowly killing me!”
You didn’t respond for a moment, only pulling into your lap, holding me protectively. I missed this.
“I should probably tell you, I’ve always loved you too. I started seeing Heather to try to get over you, but then I realized that I could never replace you, I could never love her as much as I love you.”
I looked up to see the stars in your eyes, green lenses shimmery from tears.
I pulled you down, our noses touching.
“I love you so fucking much, Badboyhalo. You have no idea.”
And our lips met.
Huh.
I guess we are from the same puzzle after all.