Chapter Text
Arthur looked around the bar, “You named a bar after Gwaine? You named the hospital for Gaius, the gym after Percival’s biceps, of all things, then one of the philosophy buildings for Gwen and the other for Lancelot, the star viewing bubble building after Elyan, the law building after Leon, the stadium for me and you even named the library after Geoffry, but you named a bar after your best friend?”
“Tell me it’s not what he would have wanted. And it’s not just the one bar, I named all five bars in town after him. This is just my favorite.”
“Gwaine’s Armpit is your favorite? What are the other options then?”
“There’s Gwaine’s Dagger, actually a more traditional pub, alcohol and food. It actually reminds me of the place we first met him.” Merlin gestured for Arthur to sit next to him at the bar, “Gwaine’s Eyebrow is the most expensive place in town. It has a large variety of wines and aged scotch and similar expensive alcohol. I’ll take you there some time but I need to get a new suit, Kilgharrah has set all of mine on fire.”
Arthur tilted his head, “What’s a suit?”
“Fancy clothes professional people wear. Business people, politicians any of those lot. I’ll get you fitted for one and see if you want more. Next Gwaine’s Piss is where the alcohol is cheep and everyone is required to take the bus or a cab, and well Uber is allowed as well, home.”
“Uber?”
“It’s a weird taxi service.”
“Taxi?”
“Hirable transportation that will take you between two points of your choice for a fee.”
Arthur nodded.
“Next is Gwaine’s Bar Fight, the place with the fewest bar fights actually. You’ll probably like it the most. There are a bunch of bar games, like pool, darts and oh,” Merlin grinned, “We have got to do beer pong some time. It will be fun to see if experience or your skill at hand eye coordination is more important, especially as we get drunk. Oh,” Merlin waved at the bar tender, “Derek! How about some drinks?”
“Just give me a minute to mix something up for you to start the night off.”
“Thanks,” Merlin turned back to Arthur, “This is my favorite bar, lots of funny named drinks and a dance floor that goes with the jazz music and some local bands that play music I like. A good number of famous bands actually debuted here.”
“Debuted?”
“Had their first performance here, look,” Merlin pointed up at the walls that were over half covered in frames, “The ones with a gold frame have had a gold album, and other metallic colors for the other types of album awards you can get.”
“Album?”
“A band, or singer records a set of songs and sells them, starting to be rare now with how songs are being sold now, but any band that plays here goes up on the wall. The frames are made by the art department. It’s a project in one of the upper level sculpture classes to make them. Most bands prefer to try their music at the dance hall down town, it’s not a bar per say but since it sells alcohol it has to be named after Gwaine. It’s a law of Lower Town that, if you want to sell alcohol you have to have Gwaine in the building name.” Merlin paused humming, “Nearly named the art department after your father, but went with Morgana. I knew she enjoyed the arts before everything happened.”
“My father would have hated that, but Morgana would have appreciated that, well before she went, um…but everything in the entire town selling alcohol being named after him. Your right Gwaine would have loved that.”
Two drinks were placed on the bar in front of them, “Here’s your first drinks of the night. Virgin for you Professor. It’s your night as designated driver if I remember right.”
“Yep,” Merlin smiled, “I want to watch this one anyway.”
Arthur turned to look at Merlin, “Designanted Driver?”
“That poor sod that has to stay sober to make sure everyone gets home at the end of the night. With cars being what they are its especially important that any group planning on going home in a car have a designated driver. Any where selling alcohol will give the designated driver free pop and a reduced price on virgin drinks.”
“Virgin? How is a drink virgin?”
“Means there’s no alcohol in it. Look at our drinks they look the same but yours has vodka and something else in it, not sure which drink it is, and mine doesn’t have any alcohol in it.”
“This is alcohol?”
“Yeah, anything that looks nothing like alcohol will knock you out, I may have had a problem with Long Island Ice Teas at one point in the 1980s. I wonder what this is.”
“Sex on the Beach Professor,” Derek stopped at where they were sitting, “Everyone decided this would be the best welcome to this century.”
Arthur stared at the drink, “Wait, what on a beach?”
Merlin snorted pulling his drink forward, “Sex. It’s a mixed drink that was named that so the average person would feel risqué for ordering it. Drink up sire. It’s good.” Merlin smirked, “Unless your scared of a name?”
Arthur glared at Merlin but pulled the drink to take a sip, looking surprised when he found it tasted good. It was nothing like alcohol he knew, but it was good.
Merlin looked back to Derek, “You guys picked that out? Not something more shocking?”
“We’re just getting started Professor. Got a list made up over the decades ever since the bar was founded. Going to have to pull some recipes out of storage as we get further down.”
“What’s next then?”
“Fuzzy Balls.”
Arthur had to set down the cup as he coughed.
Merlin grinned looking at Arthur in glee, “What else?”
“Well there’s the one I wanted to go with first but,” He started counting on his fingers, “Royal Fuck, and then Tie Me to the Bed Post.”
Arthur who had almost regained a normal breathing pattern lost it at that name.
Merlin was actually laughing now, “How many are on that list?”
“At least three hundred. Gwaine’s Armpit got the naughty named drinks. Gwaine’s Piss just has whatevers on tap, Eyebrow got the fancy drink requiring the really high end alcohol. Dagger got puns and just plain weird names and Bar Fight got everything fighting, sport or anything competitive themed. We’re suppose to start at the top of our list and keep going until he stops reacting to the names when we put the drink down.”
“Got an idea on what else you think we’ll see today?”
“Well they drank a lot of alcohol back then so he’s probably not a light weight.”
Arthur, having finally mostly managed to get his breath back, took another sip of his drink, “The light weight was this one.”
Derek looked at Merlin, seeming surprised, “You use to be a light weight?”
“I spent a good decade as drunk as I could possibly be after everything happened. My alcohol tolerance got much better after that.”
Arthur and Derek both winced at that, “Well,” Derek pulled out a list, “Probably going to get through Sex on the Grass, Death by Sex, Pink Silk Panties.”
Arthur’s eyes got wider and wider as he continued reading down the list.
“Sex on the Brain, and Dirty Little Virgin. Possibly more depending on how he handles the modern alcohol. So,” Derek turned a smirk on Arthur, “Drink up, what was it? Sire? We got plenty more from where that came from. Chin up, someday you might even get to pick your own drink.”