Chapter Text
It started after he killed Nimueh.
After he’d ‘mastered the forces of life and death’, as Gaius had put it.
The voices.
He was worried he was losing his mind.
In the beginning, they were distant and infrequent. Whispers, echoes, of his name in the back of his mind. ‘ Emrys. ’
He hoped that if he ignored them, they would go away, but of course it never worked out like that. They only got stronger over time.
Sometimes, the voices sounded happy, excited, or even reverent. Often, they were sad, angry, annoyed, exasperated, confused. But more than anything else, they were afraid. Desperate.
‘Emrys, help me.’
‘Emrys, save us.’
‘Emrys, I can’t lose them.’
‘Emrys, they’re after us.’
‘Emrys, I don’t want to die.’
‘Emrys, I don’t know what to do.’
But Merlin didn’t know what to do either. He didn’t know where the voices were coming from, how he could help them, or if they were even real. All he could do was listen.
It was months before he figured out what they were. (And much longer before he really accepted it.)
Merlin and Arthur watched out the prince’s window as a woman was dragged to the pyre in the courtyard. “Go deal with my laundry or something, Merlin. You don’t have to watch this.”
“Neither do you,” Merlin responded softly, refusing to look away. It hurt, but he felt as though someone had to watch. He didn’t even know the woman’s name, but she deserved to be seen , to be mourned , by someone who didn’t think she was evil just because of who she was.
From the distance, Merlin could see the woman was muttering something under her breath. He wouldn’t have thought anything of it if he hadn’t heard her voice in his head at the same time. ‘Emrys, please, help me. I don’t want to die. I’ll do anything. Save me, Emrys.’
“What’s she doing?” Merlin asked quietly.
“Praying probably. People do that when they’re about to die.” Arthur spoke matter-of-factly. Merlin could tell he was trying to detach himself from the situation. He wished he could do the same. “Not that it ever does them any good.”
Merlin looked at him and then at the woman who was now being tied to the pyre. She was still praying. To him . She’d switched from begging for her own life to asking him to take care of her family, to praying for this madness to end. He couldn’t just let her die. He had to do something.
The thought had barely crossed his mind when suddenly everything around him froze. Everything but the sorceress below. She looked around in confusion as the ropes binding her to the pyre fell to the ground.
‘Run!’ He didn’t know if she could hear him, but she ran either way. Merlin watched until he couldn’t see her anymore.
Freezing time wasn’t easy magic, and he’d never done it for more than a few seconds before. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep it up, but he wanted to give her as much time as he could.
Eventually, he found himself stumbling back slightly, exhausted, as the world started moving again.
Arthur caught him. “Are you ok?”
Merlin nodded and rubbed his head. “Yeah, just a bit tired.”
Arthur looked skeptical, but he didn’t push. He turned back to the window and blinked in surprise at what he saw. Or rather, what he didn’t see.
“What?” Merlin asked, even though he knew.
“The sorceress. She’s just… gone.”
Merlin moved closer to look out the window. “That’s weird.”
“How is that possible?”
Merlin shrugged. “Magic?”
“If she had magic like that, why wouldn’t she have escaped sooner?”
“I don’t know, Arthur.”
Arthur sighed and stepped back from the window.
“What are you doing?” Merlin asked as Arthur grabbed his sword.
“No doubt, my father’s about to come in here and order me to find her.” He glanced at Merlin with something like concern in his eyes. “You don’t have to come with me.”
Merlin gave him a smile that was meant to be reassuring. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded. “Of course I do.” He had to make sure they didn’t find her, after all.
“Merlin, it’s bad enough when you scare away the animals when we’re hunting, but this is a dangerous sorceress we’re after here. Could you at least pretend to take this seriously?”
Merlin turned to his prince as they walked through the forest with half a dozen knights behind them. He had, in fact, been going out of his way to walk as loudly as possible to warn the woman of their presence, but Arthur didn’t need to say it. “Dangerous? What did she do?”
“She has magic, Merlin.”
“Yeah, but what did she do?”
Arthur avoided Merlin’s eyes. “She used magic on her garden.”
“Her garden?”
“Yes, Mer lin. Her garden.”
“And that means she deserves to be burnt alive?”
“That is what the king ordered.”
“But do you agree?”
Arthur glanced back at the knights behind them. “Questioning the king’s orders is treason, Merlin.”
That didn’t actually answer Merlin’s question, but looking at the knights behind them, Uther’s knights, Merlin decided to let it go. He switched tactics to using his magic to subtly adjust the trail they were following. Eventually, the trail was lost, and the party was forced to return to the castle. Merlin could see the dread on Arthur’s face as he prepared to face his father, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret his actions. Especially when he heard her voice in his head again that night just before he went to bed.
‘Thank you, Emrys.’