Work Text:
“Statement of one Elias Bouchard, regarding a man called The Onceler.
Statement given live on September 3, 2023.
Statement begins.
It was many years ago, I remember, back when I was a youngster like that Mr Sims working for me, that I met him. He never told me his true name, called himself The Onceler. Now, keep in mind I've never really been one for love or romance or anything of the sort, it's dehumanizing... but this... Onceler... he really caught my eye. I've always hated the expression 'love at first sight', but in this moment, I can't think of any expression that would suit how I felt better. I... I know if Jonathan or Timothy or anyone else in this godforsaken institute found out about this, I'd be endlessly teased; they already think I have a thing with Peter Lukas, as if I'd ever date the rascal, and they do *not* shut up about it. But back to the story; this Onceler man, he was truly bad... just how I like it. If you've ever met me, you'll know that I am not the best of people, but I have a good cause for it. And this Onceler, he does too, and I suppose I admire that about him. I guess it makes sense that if I ever were to fall in love it'd be with someone like me. Anyway, I never really got round to properly talking to him, I suppose I-"
*Knock knock*
“Oh I- who's there?” I ask, bewildered and irritated at being interrupted during pouring my heart out.
“It’s me, I just thought you’d want to know there’s a statement giver asking for their statement to be taken by you specifically-” I heard a voice that was distinctly Jon’s say, and I opened the door to see him standing there and watching me sheepishly.
“Don’t worry, I'll handle it.” I sigh, and motion for him to let the statement giver in. I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t *know* it was Jon at the door; it means he’s progressing in his journey to collect all the fear marks.
“Excuse me? Mr Elias Bouchard?” I hear, and am broken from my reverie. I look up to see a vaguely familiar figure looming over me.
“Sorry, do I- do I know you?” I ask, trying to be polite but only succeeding in sounding impatient. I know for a fact I've seen this man before, and I do genuinely feel bad not remembering. Though... he seems kind of... attractive? I shake my head, I shouldn’t be having these thoughts with a statement giver, of all things.
“Don’t you remember me?” He asked, and I could swear that disappointed voice paired with those sapphire puppy eyes... and I could swear I know that specific shade of blue, that piercing diamond stare that attracted me to him once before. And I know this is cliché, long-lost loves reuniting and all that, but the glee I am feeling right now is one I never thought I'd feel, a giddiness bubbling up inside me like a cancer, spreading through me and making me feel warm inside. Because of course, it’s The Onceler! How could it not be, and how could I have forgotten him? Even now, with his glistening opal cloud of a beard and his elegant swooping moustache that reminds me of a wise owl, he is easily the most attractive man I have ever seen...
“Oh, Oncie...” I whisper, and we lean in for a kiss. It is hot, and possibly one of the best kisses I have ever had. Our tongues intertwine as I grip his shoulders hard, and I wonder why I have never done this before. His saliva is hot in my mouth and our tongues wrestle as we kiss passionately against the wall of my office, teeth clinking against each other like a bullfighter and matador, and I just know that we were made for each other. I just Know. And I Know this in the same way that I Know that we will never part, and that we can forever be together, and that our love is the strongest there is, and that I couldn’t possibly ask for a better partner.
And I Know that he knows it too.