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Zuko was sitting in the back of the ambulance when his partner got the call.
Car accident at an intersection, two guys, one of them got t-boned, both of them are conscious, the police is already there.
Zuko swung himself into the passenger seat and studied the details of the call and the locations. He stopped at the description of the cars, one of them was a blue Toyota corolla with a bumper sticker that said: ‘I’m so bi, I can’t even drive straight’. He furrowed his brows but decided to concentrate on preparing all the necessary procedures as his partner weaved through late night traffic.
When they were at the scene, Zuko immediately located the man who t-boned the other car because he was shaking and telling the police what happened. A quick nod to his partner confirmed that she was going to check up on him while Zuko was off to look for the other patient. He took his stuff and closed his jacket all the way up before he turned around to the other car when he stopped in his tracks. All his suspicions became true when he saw the familiar Toyota in front of him with the small crochet decor hung from the rear-view mirror, the back window held up with tape because the switch was broken and the man standing in front of his very wrecked car. Sokka turned around quickly as he heard Zuko approach, and he seemed to recognize him immediately.
“Oh well, this is kinda awkward”, he said and winced a little.
Zuko fought the urge to turn around and run away as quickly as he could because this was his job and Sokka was hurt. He could be professional about this.
“Can you walk?” he asked, reaching out towards Sokka.
He just snorted in response.
“Yeah, I can walk.”
“Good, then let’s get you to the ambulance. I need to check for a concussion.”
Sokka just nodded and started walking towards the ambulance and Zuko swallowed.
It had been six years since he had last seen Sokka. Well, actually, it had been a little over a year because they still shared a circle of friends after their breakup, but they always kept it brief when the other one was there. So, it had been six years, since Zuko had last seen Sokka - really seen him - and as he walked away from him, he felt like he was teleported back in time.
They were in college and Sokka was struggling. He barely made it through his classes and Zuko really didn’t know what was happening but the longer it went on like this, the more he resented Sokka for his behavior. It started with missed calls and going days without texting. This quickly evolved into Sokka cancelling their weekly movie nights and dates and even ditching their friends. At first, he made sure to call but after a while, he just stopped showing up. And Zuko tried to actively plan things, to make an effort and do things Sokka enjoyed but after being stood up for the fifth time, he was done.
He walked over to Sokka’s dorm room and slammed his fist against the door. Sokka opened, dressed in grey sweatpants and a shirt that had more holes in it than anything else. He looked tired and worn out, but Zuko didn’t care, he barged into the room.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked as he spun around.
Sokka slowly closed the door and turned to face Zuko.
“What? Why?”
Sokka looked lost, like he didn’t know what was happening here and Zuko realized that he forgot their date. Again. Something inside him snapped and the last of his understanding for Sokka’s state went out the window.
“You don’t even remember what today is?”
Sokka looked pained and started to fidget with his hands as Zuko let out a huff in frustration.
“You stood me up Sokka. Again.”
Sokka’s eyes went wide, and he reached his hands out towards Zuko.
“Oh my god, I’m so so-”
“Save it”, Zuko cut him off, raising one of his hands to keep him at a distance.
“I’ve had enough of this. You never answer my texts, you don’t talk to me, and you forget or cancel all our plans. This isn’t a relationship Sokka. I’m sick and tired of trying to check up on you when you very clearly don’t want to be doing this.”
It pained Zuko to say it because it was the first time, he really admitted something was wrong. It wasn’t like he didn’t love Sokka, because he did, very much at that, but he could not go on like this. He missed the Sokka who made him laugh and teased him and talked him down from panic attacks after nightmares. Now he constantly worried about him, making sure he was still alive, and it took a toll on Zuko’s life.
When he looked up, there were silent tears streaming down Sokka’s face.
“I can change, just give me… give me a little more time”, he whispered and Zuko shook his head.
“Sokka, I’ve tried to give you time, I’ve tried to help you, I’ve tried to give you your space, but nothing seems to be working. It took me a long time to realize the I deserve good things in my life, and I will not revert back. I deserve to be treated better.”
Zuko’s own voice wavered at that because something inside him whispered that he could wait it out, that he was never going to find love again because no one would ever want him.
But with a flash he remembered how draining it felt now to talk to Sokka. It used to give him energy, for a while it even was the reason why he got up in the morning but right now it was the reason he struggled to sleep at night.
More tears streamed down Sokka’s face, and he nodded.
“I don’t want to hurt you”, Sokka said and Zuko snorted.
“Well, you already have.”
They stared at each other for a while, Zuko’s anger dissipating a little and leaving him with an indescribable sadness in his chest.
“Sokka, I love you”, his voice broke a little at those words “but I can’t go on like this. I hope you find the strength to work through whatever this is, but I can’t be the one to give you that strength anymore.”
Again, Sokka said nothing and Zuko sighed. This was another thing that worried Zuko to no end. Sokka would always try to explain himself, he’d always try to clear things up and to make everyone feel seen and heard. But today he was speechless and Zuko didn’t know what to do with that.
“Take care, Sokka”, he said, when he walked past him.
Sokka turned around and when Zuko was almost out the door, he said: “I love you”, his voice so pained and small, Zuko almost turned back to wrap his arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But instead, he kept walking, until he realized he walked all the way to his uncle’s apartment, before he crashed onto his bed and slept for two entire days.
After that, Zuko knew that Sokka got some version of better. Their friends tried really hard to keep in touch with both of them and for a while it was a little awkward when they were still in college but after, when they all moved to their respective homes and started their jobs, hanging out became a lot rarer anyways. The few times Zuko saw Sokka at birthdays or at Katara’s engagement party, Sokka always gave him a nod and smiled but they never talked. Zuko knew very little about Sokka’s life and he wondered if it was the same for Sokka.
He shook his head and hurried after Sokka, walking towards the ambulance, trying to focus on the task at hand.
“Okay, now look at my finger”, Zuko said as he performed basic measures to make sure Sokka didn’t have a concussion. And because the silence between them was deafening, Zuko decided to break his rule of not reminiscing about the past. He let his mind wander to all the trips Sokka and him had done in his car. They drove home to Sokka’s family for Christmas and New Years with definitely too many people and not enough seats. When Suki moved in with Toph, they did the entire move with Sokka’s car because they were too broke to afford a U-Haul. He remembered all the time Sokka took him for a drive to the middle of nowhere to calm him down after a nightmare.
“I can’t believe you still drive that car”, he said and Sokka snorted.
“Drove would be the better word”, he said and looked a little sad.
Zuko was silent for a while as he was writing down Sokka’s stats, before he said: “That’s rough buddy.”
Sokka laughed a little at that and Zuko felt something tuck at his heart, deep inside him. He looked good. Apart from the obvious signs of a car crash, which was. His undercut was neat, his hear on top intricately braided to the back of his head. One of his ears was filled with silver studs and hoops and Zuko briefly let himself wonder how far the tattoo that was reaching up his neck would travel down his body.
“I forgot how funny you are”, Sokka said and Zuko just rolled his eyes.
“Okay, fill this out while I check your leg”, Zuko said and handed Sokka the clipboard.
Sokka took off his jeans and Zuko made his best efforts to not stare at the toned skin. His leg was bruised, and his ankle and knee were probably going to hurt for a while, but nothing was broken. When Zuko was done and Sokka handed him the forms again, he checked them over and stumbled over one particular answer.
“You take Adderall?”
He didn’t mean to say it out loud really, but Sokka was already answering.
“Yeah… Turns out, I have pretty severe ADHD. After we broke up, I went to a therapist to get myself back on track and she pretty immediately called it and what can I say”, he lifted one of his shoulders in a sort of shrug, “it checks out.”
He tried to make it sound lighthearted, but Zuko’s mind was racing.
In his EMT training, they covered the basic function of Adderall and what it was used for and when he ran through the things that happened before their breakup, everything suddenly clicked into place.
Sokka’s forgetfulness, his sensitivities, his mood swings and his self-esteem issues were all put into a new perspective and Zuko had to remind himself to breathe for a second.
“I mean, it did fix a lot, but you were right, I-” Sokka cut himself off to breathe as well, “I was an awful boyfriend, and this doesn’t excuse anything I did. And I’ve been meaning to tell you that I’m sorry I put you through this.”
Zuko forgot where he was for a moment. He forgot that he was an EMT, and this was his patient, and he was at a car crash and was supposed to assess his patient’s health.
Instead, he looked up from the clipboard into Sokka’s eyes and felt his resolve crumble.
“You… really did change.”
Sokka looked lost for a second but seemed to remember what Zuko was referring to and smiled a little.
“Yeah, I guess I did.”
Silence spread between them and Zuko’s mind was running. Sokka just looked at him.
The moment broke when his Partner came to the ambulance with the shaking man, telling Zuko that in general, he was fine, but his heart rate wouldn’t come down because he was so shaken. After that, everything went by in a blur. Zuko directed them to the next hospital and told Sokka to call someone to come pick him up. Sokka just nodded and faded into the background as his Partner drove and Zuko tried to stabilize the man so he wouldn’t hyperventilate.
When Zuko was done transferring the man, he frantically ran into the waiting room with no clear idea what he wanted to say to Sokka, but he was certain, that he wanted - needed - to see him again. But when he was there, he only saw a familiar woman with long brown hair leading Sokka out of the hospital, gesturing wildly. He smiled as he saw Katara and Sokka together and for a brief moment, Katara looked back, and he caught her eye. She gave him a grateful smile and Zuko nodded, before he watched them walk away entirely.
“So”, Suki said, as she was sliding into the booth across from Zuko at the Jasmine Dragon, “what do you wanna talk about?”
She was wearing her parts of her fighting gear and weirdly enough, matched the green, reddish interior of the Jasmin Dragon perfectly. Over the years, Suki had sort of taken Sokka’s place in Zuko’s life except that Suki was very much a lesbian and Zuko was very much gay. Of course, no one could ever replace Sokka, but Zuko had convinced himself that the feeling Suki gave him was similar enough to pretend.
Zuko leaned back and said: “What makes you think I have a reason to see one of my best friends?”
Suki smiled again and poured herself some tea (red ginseng).
“Zuko, darling, I know you. And when you call me and ask me to meet up with you as soon as possible, I know that you have something on your mind.”
“You know me too well”, Zuko muttered, and Suki just laughed.
“So? Spill”, she said and waved her hand at him to start talking while she took a sip of her tea.
Zuko looked down at the table, rolling his tea mug between his hands.
“I saw Sokka a few days ago.”
For some reason this felt like a big deal. For six years he avoided talking about Sokka to any of his friends and they took the hint and didn’t talk about him in return. So, when he said Sokka’s name, it felt like he said something forbidden, a curse lifted, and Suki took a while to answer.
“I know. He told me.”
Zuko looked up and was met with Suki’s warm, open face and he sighed.
“Did you know he has ADHD? What am I saying, of course you know. I just… he told me and all I could think was, that I left him when he was going through something so severe, and I feel so guilty about-”
Suki placed her hand over Zuko’s and forced him to stop rambling.
“First of all, you couldn’t have known”, she said, gripping his hand a little tighter.
“You couldn’t have known, and it was the right thing to distance yourself because you were hurting as well.”
Zuko wanted to say something, but Suki held up her hand.
“Second of all, I don’t think you could have helped him.”
She leaned back a little and Zuko raised his eyebrow.
“After you two broke up”, Suki started and Zuko winced a little, “he got even worse. There was a time where none of us knew what to do anymore and he was incredibly lost until one day, he had a huge fight with Aang of all people.”
Zuko snorted a little and Suki nodded: “Right?”
“I don’t know what the fight was about and it’s not my place to ask, but I suspect that he started seeing his therapist after that because slowly but surely, we got
the old Sokka back.” She smiled a little.
“Well, maybe not the exact same version, but a more stable, less erratic and impulsive version of the old Sokka.”
Zuko was glued to her lips and didn’t realize that he held his breath up until now.
“He-”, Zuko looked down into his teacup, fighting back the tears, “he told me, he’d change and that he just needed a little more time.”
He held onto Suki’s hands like he was drowning at this point.
“And he did Suki.”
Zuko looked up, an overwhelming amount of pain in his eyes and Suki smiled.
“He changed and I was too self-centered to even realize that he was capable of that.”
Zuko continued and now, there were tears streaming down his face.
“Okay, you want to know the way I see it?” Suki said, and leaned forward again, taking both of Zuko’s hands between hers.
“I think it was good you two broke up when you did. I’m proud of you for knowing your boundaries and I’m proud of Sokka for changing out of his own motivation. There’s no use in dwelling on the past because you both did the thing that was right for you at the time and that’s something you should never doubt.”
Zuko couldn’t do anything, he just stared into Suki’s face, letting her hold his hands.
“Now, I don’t know if you’ve already done this, but I think you should talk to Sokka about this. To get the full picture.”
Zuko’s eyes grew wide.
“Suki, I can’t-”
“You don’t have to”, she assured him, “but I think it would be good for you to hear things from him instead of me.”
She looked at him for a second like she was carefully considering her next words.
“He’s… been thinking about approaching you because wanted to apologize but he felt like the ball was in your court.”
Zuko was stunned at that admission and blinked at Suki a few times.
“I’ll text you his current number, okay?”
Zuko just nodded.
Suki smiled again and reached out to wipe the tears from Zuko’s face.
“This is a good thing Zuko”, she said, and he managed to smile back at her.
A few days later, Zuko was sitting in the exact same booth in the back of the Jasmine Dragon, frantically eyeing the door where Sokka should be walking through any second. He spent hours trying to figure out what to wear to not give any wrong impressions and eventually he settled on a simple red shirt and black jeans. His hair was tied up into a messy bun and he played with the silver ring on his middle finger.
After Suki sent him his new number, Zuko spent hours upon hours drafting messages and compiling notes and ended up deleting every single text because he couldn’t muster up the courage to send any of them. What pushed him over the edge was Toph, adding him to a group chat with all his friends, including Sokka. He kept his texts short and asked to meet up in person to talk and Sokka did his best to get back to him as soon as possible.
So now he was waiting, scratching at the green fabric that was covering the seats, checking his watch every two seconds. A part of himself prepared to be stood up by Sokka again and he hated it because he really wanted to believe that Sokka had changed. And when he finally walked through the door, the bell above it ringing, Zuko felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Sokka was wearing a brace around his left wrist, and he still moved a little slowly but the cuts and bruises on his face have healed. He stuffed his hands into his jeans and looked around a little and again, Zuko realized that Sokka hadn’t been here in a really long time. The Jasmine Dragon was run by Zuko’s uncle and since he used to live with him above the tea shop, after their breakup, the Jasmine Dragon was off limits for Sokka. Zuko waved a little, when he caught Sokka’s eye, and he gave him a timid smile.
“This place hasn’t changed one bit”, Sokka said as he sat down across from Zuko and smiled.
Trying to fight the waves of nostalgia, Zuko placed a teacup in front of Sokka and poured him some tea.
“I hope you still like green tea with honey”, he said, trying to conceal how much his hand trembled.
“I actually haven’t had any tea since… you know”, Sokka gestured between them, “reminded me too much of you.”
Zuko put the tea pot down onto the table again, maybe with a bit more force than he’d anticipated and Sokka jumped a little.
“Are you okay?” he asked and Zuko stared at his tea and shook his head.
“I’m sorry.”
Sokka looked at him, stunned, his hand with his teacup halfway to his mouth.
“What the hell are you sorry for?” he said and put his cup down again, leaning back and crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you told me you’d change”, Zuko said, trying to put every ounce of sincereness into his voice he could find.
“Oh”, Sokka said, body deflating a little, “honestly, that’s fine, I didn’t believe it myself.”
“No”, Zuko shook his head, “No, it’s not and I’m not just saying this because I feel guilty, but I want you to know that I respect you and that I am proud of you for working on yourself.”
He didn’t feel like his words were doing his feelings justice but when he saw the look on Sokka’s face, he reconsidered.
They were silent for a few seconds, before Sokka said: “Thanks, Zuko, that means a lot.”
And finally, ever since he read the description of Sokka’s shitty car being in the car crash, Zuko felt like he could really look at him again. He smiled and Sokka smiled back at him, his brilliant smile that made Zuko weak in the knees and for a moment he felt the overwhelming urge to surge forward and kiss Sokka.
“Honestly, when I talked about it in therapy, I was glad you left”, Sokka continued, “it wouldn’t have been good for either of us to stay together.”
“Yeah… Speaking of therapy, when did you…?” Zuko didn’t really know how to phrase this because he wasn’t as comfortable talking about things like this as Sokka apparently was. But Sokka nodded and Zuko realized once again, that this man across from him, even though they hadn’t spoken in six years, knew him better than he knew himself.
“After we broke up I pretty much… stopped existing for a while”, Sokka started and Zuko tried to steady himself.
“I… I was really bad for a while and Aang, he-”, he cut himself off, laughing a little, “he just wouldn’t give up on me, I guess. So, one day, he came to my dorm room, and I was so out of it and that’s when he snapped.”
“Aang?” Zuko snorted.
“I know!” Sokka said, laughing a little, “that’s how I knew he was serious. He told me how all of our friends worried about me and that he was seriously concerned about me and my life and I felt offended because well, this was only two weeks after you told me what an asshole I was being”- Zuko winced a little but Sokka waved his hands, “it’s alright, I was an asshole. Anyway, I got defensive and told him I could handle myself and all of them could fuck off. And that’s when he said that I should come back to him when I was ready to be myself again.”
Zuko took in the information he was just given but Sokka was already continuing.
“That night I-” Sokka took a deep breath, “I did some very stupid things and when I woke up the next day, realizing I was still, well”, he stopped to give a little nervous laugh, “alive, I guess, I started to realize I needed help.”
Zuko searched for the right things to say. He looked at Sokka, replayed all the things he just said in his head, mulled over every single aspect, before he reached out to grab his hand.
“I’m glad you’re okay now.”
Sokka blinked a little but didn’t pull away.
“So am I. Life is a lot more fun now.”
He gave a breathy laugh and Zuko tried to smile.
“But enough about me”, Sokka said, pulling his hands away, trying to conceal his insecurity, “what have you been up to? You’re an EMT now?”
Zuko tried not to be hurt by Sokka pulling back but he reminded himself that he’d hurt Sokka, and it must be terribly overwhelming to have Zuko come back into his life after six years of silence.
“Yeah. I did finish med school, but I only got a position for my residency out of state, and I didn’t want to leave uncle. Which worked out anyway because I my father hates that I put myself through medical school just to become an EMT”, he grinned and Sokka laughed, throwing his head back a little.
“Oh wow, that’s very in character for you. How’s Iroh?”
“He’s good”, Zuko answered as Sokka sipped his tea.
“He comes up with new tea blends almost daily and Toph and Aang have kind of become his designated tea testers.”
It felt strange talking about their friends like this, catching Sokka up on everything he had missed.
“What about you? What do you do?”
Sokka shifted in his seat and Zuko caught a glimpse of a fidget spinner Sokka was playing with, before he quickly put his hands under the table again.
“You can fidget. It doesn’t bother me”, Zuko said before he could even think about it and Sokka hesitantly placed his hands with the fidget spinner on the table.
“Sorry…”, he muttered, “sometimes the shame is still there.”
“Anyway, I’m a social worker at the university in the disability department. I help students get accommodations and manage their schedules and workloads.”
“Wow”, Zuko said, genuinely impressed, “that’s really cool Sokka.”
“Thanks”, he smiled.
There was a beat of silence between them before Sokka leaned forward and tentatively placed his hand on Zuko’s, mirroring his gesture from earlier.
“Listen, I need to get going now but I enjoyed talking to you. Maybe we can do this again sometime?”
Zuko felt dizzy at the closeness and could only manage a nod before Sokka got up and shot him a brilliant smile.
“Okay great, I’ll text you. See you, hot stuff!”
He left Zuko stunned and unable to move for several minutes because for a second, everything felt like it had before, before Sokka got bad and before they broke up and Zuko felt so terribly lonely for a long time. And just the thought of him getting to have this again, this easy understanding between them, the friendship he once valued so much, made him smile brighter than he had in a very long time.
The first time Zuko set foot into Sokka’s apartment was a very strange experience. They met up a few times before with some of their other friends, reconnecting a little and figuring out how to be around each other again. It was awkward at times but luckily, their friends did a really good job of filling in gaps and dealing with silences. And when Sokka invited them all for game night to his place and surprisingly, everyone was free, Zuko really had no reason to ditch.
And this is how he ended up in Sokka’s living room, sitting on the floor around the coffee table, his back leaning against Sokka’s couch, focusing on the game of Trivial Pursuit they were playing. Apparently, Sokka’s ban from the game still wasn’t lifted - he was banned in college because he just knew too many answers and the game would be over without anyone else getting a turn - so Sokka reverted to being the host, asking the questions and taking notes of everyone’s scores.
Katara was as competitive as ever and Aang was surprisingly good today while Suki and Toph confide in almost every answer even though they were playing against each other. Eventually, Zuko got up and went to find the bathroom, but he lost himself in Sokka’s hallway. It was plastered it pictures of him and his family and friends and Zuko smiled a little, before his face fell. There were a few pictures where he was in, but they were all group photos and he figured Sokka put them up for the sake of everyone else in the picture. But right next to what he figured was Sokka’s bedroom door, was a picture of just the two of them. It was the day they met, Aang forcing Zuko to meet his friends and he ended up sitting next to Sokka who promptly roped him into an intense conversation. The picture was taken right mid argument and Zuko frowned, while Sokka had his head thrown back in a laugh.
“You know, that was one of the first pictures he hung up.”
Zuko whipped around, startled, and was faced with Aang.
“Katara tried to convince him to let it go but he told her, that he needed to have this picture as a reminder what it used to be like to be happy.”
Zuko’s head was spinning and Aang smiled.
“I… don’t know how to deal with all of this”, Zuko confessed, slumping forward.
“I think you’re doing a great job. Sokka was really excited you showed up today. He’s really glad you two reconnected.”
“Me too”, Zuko said, “but I still don’t really know how to act around him.”
Aang leaned against the wall opposite from Zuko and nodded.
“That makes sense. But maybe you have to accept, that Sokka forgave you. And that it’s okay to not tread on eggshells around him. You both can be yourselves again.”
Zuko rolled his eyes at Aang and snorted.
“Count on you to say the wisest shit on the planet.”
Aang gave him a bright laugh and slung an arm over his shoulder.
“And count on you to roll your eyes so far back into your head, that they could get stuck.”
Zuko laughed too, letting himself revel in the feeling of belonging here, with Aang, with his friends, with Sokka.
When Zuko got off his shift a few days later he was surprised to have a missed call from Sokka and a voice message to listen to.
“Hey Zuko, listen, I really hate to be doing this but… I really don’t know who else to talk to and Suki sent me your work schedule so you should be off in half an hour, I think? Shit, I hope it’s okay she sent it to me, I just wanted to make sure to not bother you when you work nights or something. Anyway, I really just… need to talk to someone, so if you have a few minutes, maybe call me back?”
Zuko tried to organize his thoughts. Sokka called him, specifically him, that either meant, that no one else picked up or that this was something he specifically wanted to discuss with Zuko. Without really thinking about it, Zuko got out of his bus a few stops earlier and walked straight to Sokka’s apartment. It only occurred to him that Sokka maybe didn’t want to be perceived, and that’s why he asked him to call him back but by the time he really thought this through, he had already knocked on Sokka’s apartment door.
“Zuko?”
Sokka asked, when he opened the door. He was wearing sweats and a shirt, bags under his eyes and hair down, hanging around his face. Zuko abruptly realized, that it was 1 am and he was still in his full working gear, including his boots and backpack and for a second, he felt ridiculous.
“Um, you called?” he said and lifted his phone.
Sokka stared at him for a second before he nodded and stepped away from the door, gesturing for Zuko to come in.
“Yeah, come in.”
Zuko took some time to peel himself out of his jacket and his boots and Sokka just stood there, watching him, before Zuko could take in the state of the apartment.
Sokka generally wasn’t a very organized person but, as Toph liked to say, it was Sokka’s love for nicknacks and clutter, which made his apartment feel like home. But today, something was off. All the lights were off, except the blearing white light from the tv. Sokka’s comforter and his pillow were on the couch and next to it were empty take-out boxes and charging cables and, oddly enough, his toothbrush?
“Sorry for…”, Sokka began but clearly didn’t know how to finish his sentence.
“You’re okay”, Zuko said and sat down onto his couch.
“What did you want to talk about?”
Sokka stood for a second and Zuko could see his mind racing, before he saw resignation flash across his face, when he stalked over to the couch, got out a stuffed animal - a very well loved dog - from under the blanket and wrapped his arms around it before crawling under the blanket again, offering Zuko the other part. Zuko accepted and slipped his feet under the blanket and felt Sokka’s calf settle on top of them.
“I just get like this sometimes, still”, Sokka started in a quiet voice.
“I get so overwhelmed with basic things and it makes me so frustrated and then it just spirals from there.”
Zuko just nodded, continuing to listen.
“And I’m still in the process of getting a new car and signing the contracts and I tried to read them but I just…”, tears started to well up in his eyes and he turned to face Zuko, “I just feel so stupid Zuko. I should be able to do things like this and logically I know that my brain is just built differently but I just wish I wouldn’t feel so stupid all the time.”
Zuko abruptly realized that Sokka had called him, of all people, because Zuko was the one who used to help Sokka with things like this. He used to read Sokka’s assignments with him and figure out what he needed to do when they were too wordy or complicated and he used to help him fill out forms all the time because Zuko liked putting things in the places they belonged.
“Where’s the contract?” he asked and Sokka sniffed when he pointed at a stack of papers on his coffee table.
Zuko got the papers and shuffled them around a little before he cleared his throat and started reading.
They spent the night going through insurance forms and warranty contracts and Zuko could see with every sentence he read, how Sokka’s shoulders became less and less tense. When he left Sokka’s apartment around 8 am after crashing on the couch for a few hours, he felt oddly energized and he remembered that this was how he used to feel when he was with Sokka back in the day. For a second, he let himself get lost inside a daydream of him wrapping his arms around Sokka, burying his face in the crook of his neck and falling asleep wrapped up in this warm embrace. His stomach turned and Zuko tried to shake the thoughts. He couldn’t have feelings for Sokka. He was just getting his best friend back and he couldn’t risk losing him again, so this had to be enough.
After that, Zuko started calling Sokka regularly. At first, he convinced himself that it was just to check up on Sokka and if everything went alright with the new car but after that was done and Sokka was driving around with a brand-new Toyota corolla in the exact same shade of blue, Zuko kept calling him. They chatted about Zuko’s patients and Iroh's new tea blends and Sokka told him about students coming to his office and about his newest art project he started and Zuko found himself hanging up the phone with a huge smile on his face. Sokka also started to show up at the Jasmin Dragon a lot more, getting tea to go before he got to work and stopping to chat with Iroh. Zuko was glad Sokka was back in his life, and everything was really great, up until Sokka told Suki and him about his dating life.
“Where did you even meet this guy?” Suki asked, taking a sip of her beer, trying to hold in her laughter.
“One of my coworkers set us up”, Sokka said while assembling the Pizzas to put them in the oven.
“I don’t know man, she couldn’t have known that he believes the earth is flat and the moon is fake, it wasn’t like he was wearing a shirt that advertised conspiracy theories”, he continued and Zuko snorted.
“Okay but please tell me, you left after he said that.”
Sokka was suspiciously quiet after that, cheeks blushing, and Suki gasped.
“Oh my god!”, she squealed and Sokka winced.
“Are you telling me you slept with a guy who doesn’t believe in the moon is real?”
Zuko was oddly silent as well as he tried to assess his feelings about this.
“Okay, I gotta give it to him though”, Sokka started and walked back over to them to sit on the couch after putting the pizzas into the oven, “the sex was fucking great.”
“Good for you!” Suki giggled and handed him a beer.
Zuko just rolled his eyes, trying to conceal the surge of jealousy that overcame him at the thought of Sokka, sweaty and naked on top of another man.
They stopped talking about it after that, but Zuko’s mind circled back to the image of Sokka in someone else’s bed and he had to actively tear away his focus and forced himself to follow the movie they were watching.
He stopped calling Sokka after that. It wasn’t really a conscious decision, but he started to pull away a little because he felt like maybe he was coming on too strong. Sokka called him a couple times, but Zuko kept his answers brief and Sokka sooner or later ran out of things to tell him as well. So, the phone calls lessened and when they met up together, Zuko always made a point of having to leave early for work or to visit Azula or help his uncle in the tea shop. No one really commented on it because Zuko naturally wasn’t the most social creature and so he faded into the background of their lives without even noticing himself.
Until one day, Sokka showed up at his doorstep, unannounced and drenched from the downpour outside.
“Can I come in?” he asked after Zuko opened the door, stunned.
He tried to shake himself out of it and nodded, before stepping away.
Sokka came in and got out of his wet shoes and socks and Zuko went to retrieve some dry sweatpants for him without even asking.
When Sokka was clean and dry, Zuko couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Why are you here?”
Sokka turned around, facing him in the middle of his living room.
“I don’t get you”, Sokka started. He went on to pace around the room while he spoke.
“I don’t get why you come back into my life, and we reconnect, and everything seems great, and I feel like I finally have my best friend back. And we even talked about all the shit that has happened and I thought we cleared everything up.”
He stopped at Zuko’s balcony door to stare out into the dark night before continuing.
“And then you even started calling me again and we saw each other almost every day and it was really nice, you know.” That’s when he turned towards Zuko again who couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe.
“So please, for the love of God, Zuko, tell me what you want from me.” Sokka’s voice was pleading.
“Because I am trying really hard to make you feel comfortable and I thought I was doing a good job but then you started to pull away and I just don’t get why?”
Zuko couldn’t answer him because he didn’t know himself.
“You have to tell me what you want from this”, Sokka gestured between them, “do you want us to be friends? Do you want us to have no contact again?”
Zuko winced at that and Sokka sighed.
“Every option is okay, but you have to tell me because I can’t go on putting effort into something you don’t want.”
“But I want this!” Zuko exclaimed, in an effort to say something, anything.
“What is ‘this’ to you Zuko? Because to me it started to feel a heck of a lot like a relationship again”, Sokka said, and he sounded so so tired that Zuko wanted to hug him.
“But I know that’s not what you want anymore, and I have come to terms with the fact that I won’t ever have you back, even though there’s nothing I want more in my life. But what I can’t do is dance around this thing between us when I don’t even know what you want.”
Zuko felt like he was being hit over the head with that admission. All he could hear was Sokka, saying that he wanted to get back together, and it clouded his mind. He tried to make sense of his own thoughts but all he could do was stare at Sokka’s face. He felt like, in some twisted way, the tables turned on him and this must have been how Sokka had felt when Zuko confronted him back then. Only that now, Zuko realized, he had a chance to make things right.
“I want you”, he said.
Sokka’s eyes went wide.
“At first, I thought I just wanted us to be friends again but after a while I realized that I can’t ever be just friends with you Sokka. I tried to keep myself in check when I realized that you were clearly moving on and dating and I… I didn’t even realize I pulled away.”
Zuko took a step towards Sokka who crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“I missed you so much Sokka. And I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.”
“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it”, Sokka cut in, tears welling up in his eyes, moving back, out of Zuko’s reach.
“I mean it Sokka. The last six years felt like I was missing a piece of the puzzle and the day you came back into my life I realized that it was you who was missing all along.”
Sokka laughed wetly, full on crying now, rubbing his hands over his face.
“You’re something else Zuko”, he whispered.
“I can’t believe you come crashing into my life again and I feel like a smitten teenager again, completely enamored with you.”
“There really must be something wrong with you”, Zuko joked and Sokka laughed again.
Without thinking about it, Zuko wrapped Sokka up into a tight hug and Sokka stiffed at first but after a while, he sagged against Zuko, wrapping his arms around his neck.
“Zuko”, he murmured into his neck and lifted his head to look at him, “I can’t stand this anymore. I need you back.”
Zuko smiled at him, thumbing away one of the tears rolling down his cheek.
“You have me sweetheart. You had me all this time.”
Sokka leaned in and captured Zuko’s lips with his own in a delicate kiss. It tasted salty from Sokka’s tears, but Zuko didn’t care, he just pulled him in closer.
Sokka leaned back for a second, still not looking thoroughly convinced this was real, so Zuko took matters into his own hands, tangled his hand in Sokka’s still damp hair and surged forward into a searing kiss. The wet slide of their lips and tongues was exhilarating and Zuko hadn’t felt so alive in a very long time. He directed Sokka towards the couch, not letting go of him and keeping their lips connected the entire time, before he let himself fall down, pulling Sokka on top. The sudden slide of Sokka’s weight on top of him wrung a moan from his throat and Sokka smiled against his lips.
“God, I forgot how good this is”, he said, voice rough and Zuko just nodded, before pulling his head down again, convinced to make this the best night of Sokka’s life.
When they came down afterwards, still sticky with sweat, their clothes scattered around the couch, limbs tangled together, Sokka played with a strand of Zuko’s hair.
“I love you too by the way”, he said, easy as daylight, “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you either.”
After not acknowledging the outside world for about 48 hours, a lot of talking, setting boundaries and making out, Sokka got dressed lazily when he heard his phone chime.
“It’s Toph”, he said, turning towards Zuko who was making coffee in the kitchen, “she’s asking if anyone is gonna come to the Jasmine Dragon to get breakfast. Apparently, everyone is in.”
The question was hanging between them for a second before Zuko made up his mind.
“What time?” he asked and smiled when Sokka came over to press a kiss to lips.
Slowly but surely, their friends started to trickle into the Jasmine Dragon and Iroh made sure to give them the best breakfast spreads they had. Sokka and Zuko tried to keep a low profile but when Suki turned towards Zuko, she gasped and poked him in the neck.
“What is that!” she asked, drawing attention to them.
“Is that a hickey?” Katara asked, eyes fixed on Zuko’s neck and Zuko could feel the blush spread across his face.
“Um”, he said and tried to cover the hickey with his hand, but Suki tore it away.
“Zuko, did you get laid last night?” she asked incredulously and Aang laughed.
“Wait a sec, wait a sec”, Toph cut in over all their bickering and laughing, waving a piece of her scone in the air.
“Why is Snoozles so quiet?”
At that, Zuko’s eyes went wide and Sokka cleared his throat before Suki squealed again and hit Zuko over the head.
“You two had sex!?”
“Ow”, Zuko said and ducked his head, while Katara groaned. Sokka was still suspiciously quiet and Aang cheered for some reason?
“See?”, he said, “Love always wins.”
“No, no, no”, Katara waved her hands at him, “we don’t know if they just fucked or they’re back together yet.”
“What the hell”, Sokka finally said laughing, “of course we are back together. There’s no way anyone can just spend one night with Zuko.”
Zuko turned a horrifyingly intense shade of red before plopping his head down onto the table with a groan.
“Oh my god!” Suki said, wrapping her arms around him while Aang held out his hand.
“As I am the only one who believed in these two, you all owe me 20 bucks now.”
A smug grin was spread across his face and Katara, Toph and Suki all fumbled with their wallets to give Aang his well-deserved money.
“You made a bet?” Sokka asked, sounding a little offended.
“Of course. The day Zuko showed up as your EMT, I was sure you two would have fucked within the next couple days, but alas”, Toph said and shoved the rest of her scone into her mouth.
“And you? You are my sister, how dare you not believe in me?”
“Oh Sokka, I had full faith in you”, she gave him a pointed look, “Zuko however…” And Sokka had the audacity to laugh.
“Well”, Zuko said while lifting his head from the table, “thank you for being the only decent human around here.”
Aang shot him a smile while he counted his money. Sokka leaned back and gave Zuko a warm smile while their friends started talking again and Zuko reached out for his hand across the table and took it.