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The red numbers on the clock show 23:00. They slowly tick past midnight. Now, it’s one in the morning and no progress has been made the whole night. Namjoon stared at the music program then scrolled on his phone until he went numb and now he’s groggy and tired and, worst of all, frustrated. He shuts down the program he hasn’t touched in hours and turns off the pc. There is no point in trying to get anything done tonight. His schedule has turned nocturnal with the long nights and catching up with sleep in the mornings.
It has been like this for weeks. The pressure to make something new after his debut ep release has resulted in long nights at the studio struggling to make anything and either discarding it because it doesn’t sound good or avoiding doing anything in fear of failure. Namjoon needs to keep the momentum from the first ep going but it seems like he has stopped dead in the tracks. Or more like everyone else is advancing and he is stumped, left behind and struggling to catch up to a bus that has left the stop.
Namjoon turns off the few dim lights that lit up the studio and leaves. The thoughts of unfinished projects stay. They follow Namjoon down the stairs and out of the building. They creep behind Namjoon on the dark and empty streets like a shadow. It’s late and Namjoon should head home but he doesn’t want to stay awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling with his thoughts running in circles. Complaints, worries, anxieties bubbling up like a kettle about to boil over. So when the neon sign of Reflections comes to view as Namjoon turns around a corner, his feet lead him to the familiar club.
It’s late on a weekday so there is no line outside like there would be on a Friday but the inside is still full of people. In the dim lighting, it’s hard to tell if there is anyone Namjoon recognizes but he doesn’t really care for it. It's the only place still open at 2 AM apart from the 24/7 convenience store. He heads straight to the bar counter to get himself a drink to let a little loose and then another one just to occupy his hands with something. Most people at the counter are engaged in conversations apart from a couple of people staring into their glasses of beer, trying to find something at the bottom that Namjoon knows isn’t there.
Strangers pass him by. A group of women rush to the dance floor while yelling about how this is their song. Somebody comes up to talk to him. A drunken slur about politics that Namjoon can’t quite hear over the music. It’s better that way. He prefers the feeling of bass in his chest over the slurring speech. The distant beat of a techno track drowns out everything around him.
Eventually Namjoon’s glass is empty and he wanders back to the bar counter. He lucks out in finding an empty seat in between two men, both of them talking with somebody already. He doesn’t bother trying to get the attention of the bartender who is manning the bar all by himself. Instead, Namjoon observes the other patrons drinking and talking. One of them is trying to get the attention of a girl who’s clearly not interested but keeps nodding along as if she’s listening while on her phone. On the other side, there sits an older man with a half empty glass of beer. He’s hunched over it like he needs to shield it from something.
Namjoon’s eyes stop at a smaller man sitting a few seats away from him. He’s circling the rim of his whiskey glass deep in thought. Or maybe he’s just bored. Maybe he, too, is here to pass the time away from an empty home. The man looks up from the glass right at Namjoon like he felt Namjoon watching him. His features are soft and his hair is dark and long.
The sharp eyes of the man draw Namjoon in and before he knows it he’s up from his chair and walking to him. They never break eye contact and soon Namjoon is standing right in front of him. Looking down at him, Namjoon follows how the dark hair falls over the stranger’s eyes and curls at his nape. His rosy lips look soft up close and those nearly black eyes that drew him in seem like infinite wells of darkness, yet Namjoon feels mesmerized by the beauty of them.
“Hello, handsome,” the stranger’s lips curl up with something wicked. The smile resembles that of a cat who has cornered its prey and is playing with it now. He tilts his head slightly up, most likely taking in Namjoon the same way Namjoon is drinking up the stranger's looks. “Cat caught your tongue?” he asks with amusement.
“Hi,” Namjoon blurts out with nothing better to say. He feels his neck heat up and he’s glad the dark lighting of the club hides it.
The stranger doesn’t seem phased by it. Instead he turns to wave the bartender over and asks, “So, what are you drinking?”
[ Bad Habits - Ed Sheeran Ft. Bring Me The Horizon ]
Namjoon glances at the empty whiskey glass on the counter and tells him he’ll have whatever he’s having. The man orders and pays for the drinks in cash, barely sparing a glance at the bartender. Once they get their drinks the man suggests they move to another table away from the crowded counter.
The man is noticeably shorter than him now that they are both standing. Still, his presence makes him seem larger. Namjoon holds on to the drink tightly and follows the man, weaving among the constant stream of people moving between the dancefloor and the bar. They find a table at a dark corner where the music isn’t blasting so loud. Despite it, they have to sit close to hear each other well.
“What do you do?” The man makes small talk once they’ve settled down. The cat-like eyes study him in the dark.
“I make music. I’m a rapper.” Namjoon starts with his usual introduction. “Or I’m trying to be,” he adds, deviating from his usual pitch, “I’ve released a few songs.”
The man nods along. “How is it working out for you?” he asks and takes a sip from his whiskey.
Namjoon takes a look at him, gets lost in the way the man’s lips press against the glass while he drinks. He watches the man lick his lips and from this distance Namjoon could easily lean a little closer to those lips and take the bottom lip between his. “Honestly, not that well. I’ve had a block and feel like nothing I do sounds good.” The man hums and urges Namjoon to continue so he does. “I have one song I’ve been working on for over a year if you count in the several months it sat in my drafts. I really think it has potential but it’s missing something and I hate that. It’s missing a personal touch, that little something that takes a generic track into something more.”
Namjoon looks down at his own glass. The brown liquid sloshes around as he tilts the glass back and forth before taking a sip. It burns going down but Namjoon welcomes it. He’s not even tipsy enough yet to be pouring his heart out to a stranger he just met but when he looks at the man he gets an urge to lay himself bare in front of him – in more ways than one.
“You’ll find the sound eventually,” the man says simply. His eyes are never leaving him and Namjoon desperately wants to know what he is thinking.
Namjoon wants to know what this hauntingly beautiful man is doing at this club. He’s about to ask about it but then he realizes he doesn't even know his name. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”
“Yoongi.”
“What do you do,” Namjoon asks instead, “Yoongi?” The name rolls off his tongue comfortably.
“This and that,” Yoongi shrugs, “You know those odd short jobs here and there.”
It’s a non-answer yet Namjoon drinks it up anyway. Their conversation flows on in a similar way with Namjoon telling about his life and the man nodding along and sipping on the whiskey every once in a while. Soon there is only ice left in Namjoon’s glass, the pleasant buzz of alcohol running in his system but not enough to be felt tomorrow.
"You're beautiful," slips out of Namjoon’s mouth before he can process it. He regrets saying it instantly but lord does he want to wax poetic about how gorgeous the smaller man looks next to him in the dim light. Maybe he could write it into lyrics.
"I keep hearing that," Yoongi says and somehow doesn’t sound smug. Rather he seems amused, like it’s an inside joke Namjoon isn’t in on.
The occasional lasers that hit Yoongi's face illuminate the soft curves of his face that are contrasted by the sharpness of his cheekbones and pointy chin. Namjoon’s eyes drift to Yoongi's lips that curve up in a small smile. He doesn’t think before leaning in to press their lips together. When his brain finally starts thinking again and he is about to pull back and apologize, a hand with long nails painted black comes to hold him in place by his nape. So instead of apologizing, he doubles down. The kiss is almost forceful with how hungrily Yoongi kisses him back. Yoongi tastes like alcohol and Namjoon feels way more intoxicated than he is. The loud bass in his ears and the flashing lights make him disoriented with only Yoongi's hand grounding him, tethering him to this moment. Yoongi bites at Namjoon’s lip and just like that he lets Yoongi take control. He lets Yoongi explore his mouth and the way he licks and bites makes Namjoon’s toes curl and his stomach swirl with more than alcohol. Everything else disappears. In this moment there is nothing but the feeling of Yoongi’s tongue exploring his mouth, his soft lips and sharp bites.
They break apart after what could have been minutes or hours and all Namjoon knows is he wants more. Yoongi doesn’t even seem affected while Namjoon’s breath is gone and his head is spinning with everything. If Namjoon looks close enough, there is something in Yoongi's pitch black eyes that says he might be just as affected.
The sharp nail of Yoongi's thumb scratches Namjoon's neck as he slides his thumb down before letting go completely. Yoongi's expression is unreadable when he says, "Taking me home would be a mistake."
Namjoon feels the weight of rejection tighten his throat even before Yoongi is finished talking.
"You should walk away now," Yoongi pauses and looks away, "but I don’t want you to."
Namjoon blinks with confusion. Suddenly his mind is stuck between two decisions. But he thinks about how Yoongi made him feel and he wants Yoongi badly. "I don't want to walk away. Want you."
Yoongi hesitates for a fraction of a second before pulling Namjoon back in by his shirt and crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss. Namjoon somehow manages to perch his knee on the seat between Yoongi's legs, practically straddling Yoongi's thigh. It’s awkward to be leaning over him at this angle but he’s closer this way. Yoongi's hands wander down to hold on to his hips and the long nails dig into Namjoon almost painfully. The sounds and the lights of the club fade into the background. His mind is quiet. He only feels Yoongi, his hands in a bruising grip, their chests flush against each other and Yoongi's lips and tongue so insistent it leaves no room for Namjoon to do anything but to follow along.
When Yoongi finally pulls back, Namjoon gasps in air and breathes out a question, "My place?"
Yoongi doesn’t waste a second maneuvering Namjoon off him and pulling him out of the club while Namjoon follows on unstable legs
The cold air outside hits him like a bucket of ice cold water. It momentarily clears his head enough to lead Yoongi toward his apartment. They don't talk much on the short walk but the more Namjoon thinks about this, the more he realizes that bringing this stranger, who said it himself, to his home is a bad idea. But the moment Namjoon lets them into the apartment, Yoongi is on him again and all Namjoon’s worries disappear like smoke in the air.
Namjoon barely manages to pull the door closed with Yoongi pulling at his clothes. He drops his jacket on the ground and kicks off his shoes while Yoongi does the same and they move through the apartment clinging to each other until the backs of Namjoon’s thighs hit the bed and Yoongi pushes him down on it. From Namjoon’s angle in the darkness of the apartment, Yoongi looks devilish with his all black clothes and long dark curls hiding his face partially.
"Lube?" is all Yoongi asks and Namjoon points at the nightstand on the side. Yoongi finds it quickly and tosses it onto the side. He moves Namjoon’s thighs apart to stand between them. "We’ll use the traffic light system,” Yoongi says and when Namjoon nods, he asks, “Is there anything you want and don’t want to do tonight?"
Namjoon wants to say 'no, you can do anything to me' but a small piece of sanity left in him makes him think over his limits. So, he rattles off the things he's comfortable with.
Yoongi, satisfied with the response, leans down and places his hands on the mattress, caging Namjoon’s head between his arms. "You're only allowed to speak when spoken to or I'll have to gag you. Act out or fail to follow orders, I'll have to punish you." Yoongi sets down his rules, "Will you be a good boy for me?"
Those words travel straight to Namjoon’s dick that twitches half mast in his pants. He nods underneath Yoongi's piercing gaze, not daring to speak out loud.
"You were asked a question," Yoongi says and when Namjoon replies Yoongi praises him, “Good.”
Yoongi leans down to kiss Namjoon again but moves quickly down to his jaw and neck. Namjoon instinctively turns his head to give Yoongi more space to trail kisses that are sure to leave bruises along his neck. Namjoon breaks into goosebumps when Yoongi scrapes his teeth right over his pulse point. He lingers there for a moment before straightening back up and retracting his hands. Namjoon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
"Take off your shirt," Yoongi orders.
Namjoon sits up and is met with Yoongi's stomach right in front of his face and if he were to get a little bit lower- he was ordered to do something. Right. Namjoon pulls his shirt off and tosses it carelessly to the side. He feels Yoongi's hand on his cheek and his chin is tilted up.
"Look at me," Yoongi demands while looking down at him.
Namjoon keeps his eyes on Yoongi and lets him brush his thumb along his bottom lip. He parts his lips enough to let Yoongi slip his thumb in. Namjoon sucks on it and swirls his tongue around like it was actually Yoongi's dick in his mouth. The thought of sucking him off is making him needy, his own cock chubbing up in his pants.
Pulling out his thumb Yoongi says, "Tempting but not today." He murmurs it more to himself than Namjoon and pushes him back on the bed.
Namjoon’s back hits the mattress with a thud and immediately Yoongi's hands are on his pants. He undoes them and taps on Namjoon’s thigh. When Namjoon lifts his hips Yoongi slides both his pants and underwear off and Namjoon kicks them to the side. Now that he’s completely bare under Yoongi’s stare he would feel a little self-conscious if he didn’t find it so hot that Yoongi is still fully dressed.
Yoongi's hands are back on his thighs and he rubs them back and forth before pulling his legs up and pushing them back. "Hold them there," Yoongi says, not as a request.
Namjoon holds his legs back with his hands and spreads his thighs just a little bit wider. He feels his chest flush and stomach tighten now that everything is exposed to Yoongi. Namjoon watches Yoongi reach for the lube, open the bottle and squeeze some on his fingers. He's slow with his movements, taking his time. His eyes never leave him, constantly observing, as if waiting for Namjoon to do something. Namjoon bites his lip to keep his complaints to himself even when he is starting to consider just begging Yoongi to fuck him already when they haven't really even started.
Finally Yoongi brings his fingers down to circle his rim and Namjoon half sighs and half moans at the slightest touch. He pushes one finger in, Namjoon's hole sucking him in easily. Yoongi slips in a second finger and the stretch makes Namjoon grunt. It doesn’t take long for the burn to subside with Yoongi skillfully thrusting his fingers in and out, scissoring them to open him up.
"Tell me when you are close," Yoongi says and lowers himself down on the floor.
Namjoon lifts his head to see Yoongi's head between his legs. When Namjoon feels Yoongi run his tongue flat on his rim he drops his head back on the mattress and moans. Namjoon can't help but arch his back to try and push closer but Yoongi brings his hands on his hips to hold him in place. Namjoon moans loudly when Yoongi pushes his tongue in and starts fucking it in and out. He becomes a whimpering mess as Yoongi continues to switch between licking and thrusting. When Yoongi takes his cock in his hand and starts jerking him off, Namjoon gasps and feels his stomach tighten with his impending orgasm.
"Close," is all Namjoon manages to say between his moans.
Yoongi keeps stroking him and Namjoon is right on the edge about to fall over. Suddenly all of Yoongi's touch is gone and the wave of relief turns into a storm of frustration and desperation. Namjoon involuntarily jerks his hips in chase of an orgasm that's fading away, never flowing over the edge.
"Please," Namjoon whines desperately without even realizing he’s broken one of Yoongi’s rules.
Yoongi smiles wickedly, like he’s won at a game Namjoon didn’t know they were playing. Still twitching, Namjoon watches as Yoongi unbuckles his belt and slides it off smoothly. Namjoon’s heart rate picks up when he understands he wasn’t supposed to speak.
"Get on your hands and knees," Yoongi says darkly.
Namjoon hurries to turn around and get up, afraid of disobeying again when Yoongi looks so intimidating. Yoongi rounds the bed and climbs on it. He hooks the belt around Namjoon’s throat, not tight enough to choke him but just enough for Namjoon to feel the pressure of the leather on him like a collar.
Yoongi leans down to whisper in his ear, "Fucktoys don’t speak."
Namjoon draws in a sharp breath. A whine leaves his lips when he breathes out.
“Repeat it,” Namjoon feels Yoongi’s breath on his ear as he orders him.
“F-fucktoys don’t speak,” Namjoon stutters out, hot shame flushing through him.
Yoongi hums approvingly and lets the belt loose. He drags it intentionally across Namjoon’s back before letting it slip off. “Ten slaps should beat the lesson into you. Count for me, pretty.”
Before Namjoon has time to wrap his head around anything, the first strike of the belt lands on Namjoon’s asscheek. Namjoon flinches at the sting but the hit wasn’t too hard. It’s followed by Yoongi’s soothing hand and Namjoon counts. Too soon the hand is gone and the sound of another slap rings in the bedroom. This hit was harder and Namjoon hisses out a ‘two’ between his teeth. The next three slaps come back to back without a break in between, still increasing in force. Namjoon is breathing hard, his cock drooling precome to the sheets. “Three, four, five,” he finds it in him to count the hits.
Yoongi rubs his hands where it stings, easing it a little while he asks, “Color?”
“Green,” Namjoon replies without hesitation, “You can hit me harder.”
“Okay,” Yoongi removes his hands and Namjoon prepares himself for the next hit.
Namjoon flinches when he feels the leather brush his ass lightly. Yoongi drags it out and lets the anticipation build while Namjoon doesn’t dare to breathe. The blow lands on him and Namjoon cries out. His arms buckle, trying to move farther from the pain but he holds the position he was ordered into. Only after he’s calmed down his breathing a little, he manages to voice out loud the next number. Yoongi hits him again, clearly not holding back anymore. Each strike makes Namjoon whimper and scream with pain. By the time the last hit strikes, Namjoon is shaking. He’s barely holding himself up and he’s blinking away the tears that are about to fall, blurring his vision and gathering at his lashes.
“Good boy,” Yoongi praises after Namjoon finishes the count.
Namjoon collapses on the bed. He hears the belt hit the floor and he feels the bed dip next to him. There are hands on him soothing him and barely audible whispers praising him. It would be pleasant if Namjoon didn’t have a painfully hard dick trapped between his belly and the mattress. Namjoon whines and even in his own ears it sounds pathetic but he doesn’t care.
“What is it?” Yoongi asks, “Speak.”
“Fuck me,” Namjoon says in a deep hoarse voice, “please.”
Namjoon is too embarrassed to turn around but he doesn’t get a say in it because Yoongi manhandles him to lie on his back. Namjoon sees the devilish smile Yoongi is wearing and the way he looks at him makes Namjoon feel small.
“What do you want?” Yoongi asks.
Namjoon’s breath hitches at Yoongi’s tone. It’s laced with condescension and Yoongi knows exactly what he’s doing. With heat burning his cheeks Namjoon begs, “I want you to fuck me, please, Yoongi, please,”
“There you go doll,” Yoongi says, pleased. “So good for me.”
Namjoon follows Yoongi’s fingers as he unbuttons his shirt. One by one he works the buttons open until he slips his shirt off revealing perfect pale skin. Namjoon doesn’t have time to admire his broad shoulders because Yoongi’s fingers are now unbuttoning his pants and he shuffles out of them. Finally he removes his boxers and his hard cock springs free. It’s thick and curves slightly with the tip shiny with precome and Namjoon needs it in him now.
Yoongi takes the lube and pours it generously on his hand. He spreads it on his dick and groans when he strokes himself. Yoongi looks beautiful with his eyes closed, focused on the pleasure. Namjoon could watch Yoongi like this but luckily he doesn’t have to because Yoongi is spreading more lube on his fingers. Namjoon spreads his legs for Yoongi to get between them and he doesn’t waste time pushing two fingers in. Namjoon moans as Yoongi thrusts his fingers quickly, slipping in a third one.
“You’re allowed to speak. Don’t hold back your noises.” Yoongi tells him. “I want to hear you.”
Yoongi removes his fingers and wipes them on Namjoon’s thigh. Namjoon clenches around nothing but soon he feels Yoongi’s blunt tip on his rim. Namjoon moans when Yoongi pushes in. The stretch is still a lot but Yoongi moves slowly, giving Namjoon time to adjust. Yoongi takes hold of Namjoon’s hips and bottoms out. He holds on so tight Namjoon is sure he will have bruises tomorrow. They are both breathing heavily and Namjoon is clenching tightly around Yoongi.
“Let me know when you’re good,” Yoongi breathes out with his eyes shut tightly.
It takes a moment for Namjoon to relax and he assures Yoongi he is good to go. Yoongi pulls out almost completely and snaps his hips back in with force. Namjoon curses and moans as Yoongi starts fucking into him with a steady rhythm, filling him up so good. Yoongi looks gone with pleasure, his eyes look like they are made of pure black and he scrunches his eyebrows together. The slapping of skin against skin mixes in with their breaths and the wet squelch of lube. Each time Yoongi’s hips slap against Namjoon’s ass he feels a spark of pain mix in with the pleasure. When Yoongi angles his hips and hits Namjoon’s prostate straight on, Namjoon’s mind goes completely blank and his voice gets caught in his throat. Yoongi seems to take note of it because each thrust is now aimed there.
“I- I’m close,” Namjoon manages to say with a string of curses leaving his lips.
Yoongi moves a hand from his hip to jerk him off roughly and he grits out, “Come for me.”
Namjoon babbles out incoherently. His stomach is wound in a tight knot and he is tiptoeing the familiar edge of a cliff about to fall over. With another ‘come’ from Yoongi, Namjoon’s muscles pull taut, his back arches from the bed and his dick twitches in Yoongi’s hand shooting ropes of come across his stomach and chest. Yoongi keeps stroking him through his orgasm until his cock is spent and he keeps fucking him until what once brought pleasure, now pushes him into oversensitivity. The pain blends in with the pleasure until Namjoon is shaking underneath Yoongi. Yoongi's moans mix in with Namjoon's repeated pleas. Yoongi keeps up a steady pace until he stills inside of him and Yoongi is coming with low moans, filling him up. A tiny voice at the farthest corner of Namjoon’s brain scolds him for not watching but it’s drowned out by the blood rushing in his ears and the aftershocks that make him twitch and shiver once he has come down.
After they have caught their breaths Yoongi pulls out and Namjoon shudders at the feeling. His hole clenches empty and he feels Yoongi's come flow out of him. Namjoon is too tired to care or even move a limb. Yoongi collapses next to him on the bed.
Namjoon’s eyelids feel heavy and he closes them listening to Yoongi's even breathing flow in and out slowly. He feels the bed shift.
"How do you feel?" Yoongi asks gently with none of the previous dominance found in his voice.
Namjoon hums contently. He doesn’t have the energy to even open his eyes. He feels the bed shift again and hears footsteps retreating away. He hears the door open and for a moment an ugly thought raises its head telling Namjoon that Yoongi has left. Yoongi has just used him like a fleshlight and discarded him. He shouldn't have expected anything more from a one night stand. The thoughts clear away when he hears the faucet being turned on in his bathroom and a faint banging of cabinet doors being opened and closed echoes to the bedroom.
Soon the footsteps come closer again and the bed dips with the weight of another body. Namjoon opens his eyes to find Yoongi leaning over him with a small towel in his hand.
"Sorry, I just grabbed the first towel I could find," Yoongi apologizes.
"That one's fine," Namjoon says and lets Yoongi wipe him down.
Yoongi is gentle with his touches but thorough and Namjoon’s eyelids are getting heavy again.
"You didn’t answer my question," Yoongi reminds while continuing down his chest.
Namjoon racks his brain for the question before remembering. "Good. Content." Namjoon replies.
"Are you hurt?" Yoongi asks with a tone Namjoon can't quite place.
"No, well apart from…" Namjoon suddenly can’t say it aloud but when Yoongi's hands stop he murmurs, "My ass is sore."
Yoongi's hands resume working their way down and he whispers a small 'sorry' when he quickly wipes down Namjoon’s softened dick. "Turn over," he requests and unlike his previous orders it sounds more like a question and it's spoken softly.
Regardless, Namjoon flips on his belly and folds his hands underneath his head. Yoongi wipes between his cheeks and then the towel is gone. When Yoongi's hands return they are covered with a cool liquid that he rubs on where Namjoon still feels the sting. Surprised, Namjoon opens his eyes to find a bottle of ointment laying discarded on the bed. He hums again, content with Yoongi's gentle touch.
When Yoongi stops Namjoon turns to his side to look at Yoongi better. "Hey," Namjoon starts a little awkwardly, "How are you feeling?"
"Good," Yoongi replies but his answer feels a little dismissive.
"You know, you're not a bad person for anything you did tonight, right?" Namjoon needs to make sure, "I wanted all of it."
"I know," Yoongi says and Namjoon decides not to pry deeper.
Namjoon lightly pulls at Yoongi's hand, urging him to lie down with him. He doesn’t want to come off as overbearing or needy so he keeps a distance from Yoongi, especially in case Yoongi needs space. "Stay a little while," he asks even when the approaching morning has made the dark room a little less gray.
"I'd love to," Yoongi says.
Namjoon didn’t expect to hear that from Yoongi. He expected the complete stranger to run away at the first possible moment.
Yoongi scoots closer and he lightly pushes at Namjoon’s shoulder to make him fall on his back. Yoongi leans in to hover over Namjoon for a moment, just looking at him, before kissing him deeply. The kiss is nothing like the previous ones. This one is unhurried, lingering and still intent. "But I can’t," Yoongi says when he pulls off. He lowers his head to Namjoon's neck and while Namjoon’s heart is still stinging at Yoongi's words, he feels sharp teeth bite into his neck.
Sharp pain spreads like searing heat from his neck down to his shoulder. On instinct, Namjoon's hands fly up to try and push Yoongi off but it’s no use. The smaller man is stronger and keeps him pinned down while the pain spreads. The edges of his vision start to blur. All fight leaves his body.
"I'm sorry," is the last thing Namjoon hears before it all goes dark.
🩸
Warm sunlight fills the room causing Namjoon to finally open his eyes and take in everything. It takes a moment for Namjoon to recognize he's in his own bedroom tucked in his own blankets. When he finally moves to reach out for his phone, it’s nowhere to be found. He rubs his hands on his face to try and remember where he left it and but when the last thing he remembers is going to the club, he gives up and tries to get up. The first thing he notices is he is sore all over. His limbs feel heavy and sitting up on the bed hurts. The next thing he notices is the headache. His head throbs when he moves out of the bed and he feels a little disoriented.
Namjoon waddles into his bathroom refusing to turn on the light to avoid making his headache worse. He thinks he's lucky he doesn’t feel a slight bit nauseous. When he gets to the mirror above his sink he has to squint at the image reflected back. Even in the dark he can see dark spots visible on his neck. To see them better Namjoon has to accept defeat and turn on the light. In the unforgiving light of the room, Namjoon assesses the damage and he comes to the conclusion he doesn’t look any better than a man attacked by a bear would.
Dark hickeys litter his neck and Namjoon is certain he sees teeth marks in between the bruises. Namjoon brings his fingers up to it and hisses with pain. There are more marks on him but the worst is on his neck. Trying to remember what happened last night makes his head hurt more at the exertion so he leaves the bathroom to find his belongings.
His clothes are strewn about, a clear indication to what went down in his bedroom. He picks up his pants and finds his wallet. Checking it, he doesn’t notice anything missing. Pulling on a fresh shirt and boxers even when he's in a desperate need of a shower makes him feel a little bit more put together.
Still in search of his phone Namjoon makes it to the hallway and finds his jacket hanging from a hook, his phone in the pocket. The clock shows it's a little bit past noon. He unlocks the phone to find meaningless notifications of news and dms. No new contacts have been created and with a quick check he doesn’t notice he's followed any new accounts. His last place to check is his camera roll but that doesn’t provide anything either. He gives up and focuses on getting some food and becoming presentable again.
Once he has fed himself, showered and gotten dressed he feels much better. The headache is merely a dull throb anymore and his head feels clearer. His body still hurts but Namjoon feels a slight masochistic pleasure when he thinks about what’s the likely cause of it. He is a little unsettled by the fact that he would have drank enough to forget, been so intoxicated and still let someone take control.
The rest of the day is going through the motions more or less. Stocking up on groceries, doing laundry and then rotting away in the studio again until late at night before coming home with little to no progress on his new album. Throughout the day Namjoon finds his thoughts drifting back to last night. No matter how hard he tries, he can't jog up his memory to reveal the secrets it holds.
🩸
Namjoon pulls, his strong muscles tensing at the effort but it’s no use. Namjoon sits up with his back against the headboard of his bed with his wrists tied up above his head. He trashes against the restraints after Yoongi pulls off the vibrator from his leaking cock. The frustrated whine that leaves him comes out muffled form behind his gag. He knew it was a bad idea to let the dominant have his pick from his small collection of toys. Why did he trust the stranger to bind him down with rope is beyond him even though he knows all he has to do is tug on the end of the rope to free his hands. All he knows is he feels helpless and so good, drifting in the heights of pain and pleasure. Even the plug that Yoongi used to fuck him open with, the one that's still inside of him, made Namjoon feel delirious.
A sadistic and satisfied smile adorns Yoongi’s beautiful face as he watches Namjoon’s reactions. He lowers the vibrator down again. It feels more intense after each time Yoongi has brought him to the edge. Namjoon has lost count how many times it has been.
“Have you had enough yet?” Yoongi asks.
The tone Yoongi uses makes Namjoon sure that no matter what he replies, he will suffer more. Despite knowing his answer doesn’t matter he is still honest and nods his head. He wants to come so bad he is about to break into tears if Yoongi edges him more. Maybe it’s what Yoongi wants.
“My doll thinks he knows what’s best for him? You want to come, is that it?" Yoongi's tone is outright mocking now.
Tears are burning Namjoons eyes as he squeezes them shut and nods. He knows it doesn’t matter. Namjoon feels utterly powerless and completely at Yoongi's mercy unless he pulls his hands free. Namjoon squirms and thrusts his hips up when the vibrations start to feel like too much.
"Stay. Still." Yoongi digs his sharp nails into Namjoon’s thigh, holding him in place.
Yoongi doesn’t even need to use any force to make Namjoon hold back from moving. He really tries to stay still but when Yoongi pulls the vibrator off again right as he's about to come ruining his orgasm, he shakes violently, pulling at his restraints. His hole clenches around the plug and his cock leaks out come uselessly with no real release. The tears that have been gathering in the corners of his eyes start flowing and he chokes on a sob.
"There you go my dear," Yoongi's voice is soft, "Such a good doll for me."
A cool hand cups Namjoon’s cheek to wipe off the tears staining it.
"You've been so good," Yoongi whispers. He's leaning close enough for Namjoon to hear it clearly.
Yoongi keeps whispering praises and soothing him. He removes the gag and Namjoon has to swallow down the saliva pooling on his tongue. Tears and drool cover his face but even then Yoongi leans to press soft kisses at the corner of Namjoon’s mouth. The gentleness in Yoongi's touches is reassuring and the last few tears drop down from his eyelashes leaving him breathing heavily.
"How are you feeling?" Yoongi asks, still holding him gently and rubbing his thumb back and forth.
Namjoon takes a moment to find his voice. "That was really intense," Namjoon starts, he takes another moment to gather himself, "I feel good."
"Do you want to keep going?"
Namjoon does. "So bad," he says, his voice a little rough.
"Then I think my doll has earned his reward," Yoongi slips back into his dominant self so easily and it has Namjoon squirming in his restraints.
Yoongi reaches up to untie the rope, pulling the quick release knot open, and Namjoon slowly lowers his aching hands down. The skin on his wrists is a little red from all the pulling. With his hands free, Namjoon reaches out to Yoongi to pull him into a kiss and Yoongi lets him lick into his mouth. One of Yoongi's hands is holding Namjoon’s neck firmly and the other hand reaches down between Namjoon’s spread legs. Namjoon gasps into Yoongi's mouth when he feels a tug on the plug. Yoongi plays with it, pulling it back up to the widest part and pushing it back in. Namjoon’s fingers dig into Yoongi's sides.
"Fuck," Namjoon breathes, completely distracted from his kisses.
Yoongi stops teasing him and pulls the plug out. In one motion Yoongi grabs Namjoon's hips and yanks him down the bed. Yoongi positions him on his back and soon his empty hole is filled with lube covered fingers. “I’ll breed you so well, baby.”
🩸
"Have we met before?" Namjoon asks while Yoongi's hands work away the kinks on his shoulders, massaging away the pain and the soreness.
Yoongi squeezes at a particularly sore spot and Namjoon groans. "I'd remember if I ever met someone like you."
"What do you mean?" Namjoon questions when Yoongi eases and moves to another spot.
"You have a handsome face," Yoongi's hand trails down to his shoulder blades and along his back, "strong body," Yoongi brings his hand back to continue massaging, "but the way you speak about music like it’s the very thing that keeps you alive is beautiful."
As much as Yoongi's answer surprises Namjoon, he has to admit Yoongi is right. If it wasn't for his music, Namjoon doesn’t know where he would be.
Moving to his left shoulder, Yoongi presses again at another sore spot and Namjoon winces. "Sorry," Yoongi whispers and kisses his neck like an apology. His lips linger there for a moment before Yoongi continues massaging.
"What keeps you alive?"
Yoongi's hands stop on his shoulder. He stays quiet for a long while after his hands continue the work.
"Sorry," Namjoon apologizes in turn. He won’t pry into a stranger’s life right after he gave him one of the best fucks in his life.
Yoongi finishes massaging and returns to Namjoon’s side. Namjoon offers up the blanket for him and Yoongi covers his still bare legs with it. "I am alive because I can’t die," Yoongi finally says when he's sitting comfortably.
Something heavy weighs on Namjoon’s heart. He knows that feeling a little too well. Not wanting to die because it would hurt the people he's closest to but the wish to simply no longer exist looming at the darkest hours of the night. Namjoon reaches down where Yoongi's hand is and takes it into his when Yoongi doesn’t pull back. The hand is still so cold even after massaging his shoulders for so long.
They sit like that. There is no need to say anything into the night. At some point Namjoon starts to drift off. His eyes grow heavy and he struggles to keep them open any longer. Yoongi lets go of his hand to move Namjoon to lie down. Namjoon wants to protest but he is too tired to talk and when his head hits the pillow his eyes fall shut, the cloudy haze of sleep covers him. He feels Yoongi still moving around him and then his weight on top of him. Namjoon’s hands go up to hold him but then sharp teeth puncture his neck. The adrenaline from the pain wakes Namjoon instantly but only a moment later he's drifting off again back into unconsciousness.
🩸
Namjoon stares into his coffee cup. The warmth spreads from the coffee to his hands. The skin on his wrists is a little red.
How many times has Namjoon woken up in this state, he doesn’t know. Maybe four or five. Too many times in the past few months.
🩸
There is a beautiful stranger at the bar counter at Reflections. He's sitting all alone with an empty glass of whiskey. On this rainy Thursday night Namjoon is feeling a little bit bold. He could flirt a little, see where it goes, maybe get the cutie's phone number. Just to forget about the bitterness of the night for a moment.
“Hi beautiful, can I get you another round?” Namjoon knows it's the cheesiest, most overused line you could ever hear but the stranger smiles.
“If I can buy you one.”
🩸
Every time Namjoon closes his eyes, he can see a slightly hazy face behind his eyelids. The features are drifting in and out of focus but he can make out dark hair and piercing eyes. The eyes shift out of focus right when Namjoon thinks he’s got a clear image of them.
"Namjoon?" Hoseok interrupts Namjoon’s thoughts.
Namjoon opens his eyes to look at Hoseok. "Huh?"
"Are you sure you're feeling okay?"
No. Namjoon is not feeling okay but Hoseok doesn’t need to know that. Not at least when he himself isn’t sure what is wrong with him. "Yeah,” he says instead of what he’s thinking.
"Do you need to take a break? We could go get coffee if you want." Hoseok sounds concerned even if he's trying to mask it.
"I could go for coffee," Namjoon is honestly happy to get out of the studio for a bit.
They go out to the nearest coffee shop down the street. It’s a little late for coffee but considering Namjoon has been going to bed closer to morning rather than midnight he supposes it won't hurt. They get in and place their orders Namjoon opting for an americano while Hoseok orders hot choco.
"I really appreciate your help," Namjoon says when they sit down. “I might just be overthinking it.”
"It’s no problem, really," Hoseok says in his usual happy tone.
Namjoon is truly grateful for the older rapper's help. Ever since they met in the underground scene, Hoseok has been the only stable pillar of support Namjoon has had. Namjoon thinks Hoseok must have run to his studio the moment Namjoon mentioned he has been stuck on a song and could use another pair of ears on it. That’s how Hoseok appeared at his studio just a few minutes after the phone call.
“It’s not like I had anything better to do anyway,” Hoseok adds cheekily.
“I could come up with five things off the top of my head,” Namjoon shakes his head. The coffee he drinks is bitter.
The cafe is mostly empty. Apart from them there is only one other person typing on their laptop. Namjoon and Hoseok avoid talking about music and instead Hoseok tells about a hip hop dance workshop he attended last week.
“The people there were so passionate,” Hoseok says. “Their energy was next level. You should have been there to really feel it.”
The sound of a closing door rings in the coffee shop when a new customer enters. Namjoon can only see the back of the customer as they stand but he feels a mix of dread and excitement. Their hair is long, dark and slightly curly at the nape. Namjoon is about to get up when the customer turns and all the hope Namjoon was clinging to flushes out of him. It’s not the man Namjoon has been seeing. Hearing. Hearing his voice is the worst.
There you go, doll. So good for me.
Namjoon needs to take a deep breath.
“Namjoon?” Hoseok breaks him out of his thoughts again. “You’ve been out of it all evening.” There is no faked indifference in Hoseok’s voice anymore. It’s serious and concerned. A little bit hesitant and quiet too, so unlike him.
“Sorry, I thought I recognized someone.”
“That’s not all of it, is it?” Hoseok sees right through him. “You don’t have to talk to me about it but is there somebody you can talk to? It helps. Trust me.”
“I don’t know what it is. I don’t know how to talk about it.”
“That’s okay. I’ll be here if you ever need me.”
Namjoon could burst into tears because what did he ever do to deserve someone like Hoseok. Instead he thanks him and hopes he can give back to Hoseok for all the support and kindness he has shown him.
🩸
Namjoon finds himself at the bar counter once again. The same pop songs boom loud enough to be heard even on the other side of the club away from the dance floor. He ordered himself another drink, losing count how many he has had tonight. It doesn’t matter today, he can worry about it tomorrow when the hangover hits him.
Namjoon gets his drink and moves away from the overcrowded counter. Looking around, there aren’t any free tables left. He would be a fool to expect anything else from a Friday night. His eyes scan the people sitting at them. He wants to say it’s to see if there are any friendly looking ones so he could sit down but in reality he is looking for him.
Namjoon’s eyes meet a pair of big eyes. He vaguely remembers those same eyes on him earlier tonight, subtly checking him out. The man was with his friends earlier but now he’s sitting by himself now. Namjoon decides this is his best shot at getting a seat and somebody to talk to and he makes his way over.
"Is this seat taken?" Namjoon asks the obligatory question while sliding down on the seat.
The man smiles at him and shakes his head. Namjoon introduces himself and he does the same but the name slips Namjoon’s mind the moment it is spoken. Looking closer at the man Namjoon notices how his black tee clings to his well built muscles. A sleeve of tattoos drapes down from his shoulder all the way to his hands where a few rings adorn his fingers.
"What happened to your friends?" Namjoon asks only realizing afterwards what the question might sound like.
"They ditched me," the man doesn’t seem to mind, "If they're not eating each other's faces in some dark corner, they're probably fucking in the bathroom right now. Either way I don’t wanna go over and check."
Namjoon snorts at the exaggerated disgusted expression the man makes and he breaks into a grin too.
"They’re terrible wingmen, really," the man says easily.
"Bet you don’t need a wingman, let alone two, to have women clinging to your bicep," Namjoon says, "or men." Namjoon leans a little closer to him across the table.
The man mirrors his movement. "I was hoping for the latter."
It’s easy to talk to him. He’s charming and funny but he never comes across as arrogant. Namjoon really likes flirting with him but he finds that their conversation flows naturally.
"No way you haven’t been to the movies in over a year!" The man exclaims. "The biggest movie of the year is running in the theaters and you haven't watched it!"
Namjoon shakes his head with a smile. "I don't want to watch the eleventh installation in a superhero franchise or the billionth remake."
"Fair, but you have to see this one!" The man has a glint in his eye when he talks about movies. "I'm telling you, you'll leave the theater speechless."
When Namjoon promises he will make time to see it, the man bumps his fist in the air triumphantly.
The amount of glasses has multiplied on the table and the man is returning with two more in his hands. He sets the glasses on the table before sitting down, not on the opposite side of the table like previously but on Namjoon’s side. They are sitting close enough for their thighs to touch but the man still keeps a little bit of distance. Namjoon wishes he crossed the invisible border between them.
He takes one of the glasses and gulps down the water. While he drinks, he feels eyes on him. Turning over Namjoon finds the smaller man looking at him. Namjoon only now notices the shyness about him, underneath the confidence that seemed to come so naturally.
"Can I kiss you?" the man asks, barely a whisper.
Namjoon nods and finally the man crosses over. He supports himself with a hand on Namjoon’s thigh and leans in. The press of his lips is soft as if testing the waters before going to swim in the lake for the first time in the summer. Even the slide of their lips comes easy despite being a little sloppy and uncoordinated in their intoxicated state.
When they break apart there's a shy smile on the man’s lips. It turns into a grin when Namjoon smiles back. They decide it’s better to get away from outsider's prying eyes and they hurry out of the club.
As soon as they step outside, the man pulls Namjoon into a new kiss. It’s not as gentle as it was earlier but more enthusiastic, like a puppy happy to show its love. Smell of cigarettes lingers in the air and Namjoon scrunches his nose. The man slowly catches up and turns to glare at the group of people talking and smoking. They walk farther away from the smokers by the door, giggling and stumbling until there are no more people around.
They duck into an alleyway to hide in its dark shadows. Their lips find each other again and Namjoon trails his hands down the man’s back. He sighs, parting his lips and Namjoon takes the opportunity to slide his tongue in. He tastes the sweet sugary drink the man was drinking earlier on his tongue. It’s messy, their tongues sliding and breaths mingling.
An image of eyes flashes behind Namjoon’s closed eyelids. It’s not the sparkly round eyes that have been looking back at him all night but dark and piercing eyes. The intensity of the mental image startles Namjoon and he breaks the kiss abruptly. When Namjoon opens his eyes, he finds confusion and maybe a little bit of sadness on the man’s face.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can’t do this." Namjoon rambles, "I just- you’re great but I'm a mess and I can’t." Namjoon knows he isn’t making any sense but he can’t think straight and the words are just tumbling out. He presses his palms on his eyelids trying to make everything clear up. "Sorry," he says again, shaking his head.
The man waits patiently and when Namjoon finally shuts up he just shrugs. "Well I sure hope I was a good enough kisser that you decided it would be a waste to murder me."
Namjoon has to pause to process the words. When they finally register Namjoon is too stunned to say anything but "Huh?"
"It's alright if you don’t want to. You don't have to explain yourself," the man says and pockets his hands, "Really. It’s alright."
The insanity and the sincerity of his two comments make Namjoon baffled to the point Namjoon can't do anything but agree. So he nods, a little embarrassed.
"Can I still leave you with my number?" The man asks casually. "If you ever wanna grab a drink. No making out involved."
Why would Namjoon ever say no to that? When he had an enjoyable night despite it ending in some failed making out in a dingy alleyway. "I'll send you a text so you'll have mine too," Namjoon agrees.
The man writes out his number. "You didn’t kill me in this alleway so you're probably alright," he jokes.
Namjoon isn’t so sure of that but he can give himself credit for not being a murderer. The man seems more than alright to Namjoon too and if he's being honest, he really could use a friend.
The man hands out a paper slip with a number and 'Don't forget to go to the movies!!!' written under it. Namjoon takes the paper and he regrets not remembering his name. He's about to ask it when a crashing sound comes from the alley and they both jump at the loud noise.
"Shit!" Namjoon curses, "What the fuck was that?"
"I don't know but we better get going before we actually get murdered," the man comments and it certainly doesn’t sound like a joke this time.
Namjoon isn’t sure he would be able to defend himself if somebody attacked them so he agrees and they start moving. They quickly figure out that they will be heading in separate directions and bid their goodbyes with Namjoon apologizing for leading him on once more. The man says to not worry about it again and they head home.
Namjoon walks the streets in a drunken haze, his mind wandering off to the blurry images that have been haunting him. A voice he doesn’t recognize but still feels familiar whispers filthy things at the back of his head. He knows it's messed up to long for something he doesn’t ever remember having. Yet he does. Even as he reaches his apartment he still thinks about it.
Namjoon thinks about the stranger he met today too. He knows the man would have been too good to him and he’s better off with someone else. He digs out his phone to make a new contact and hesitates for a moment. Would it be better to never see him again? Namjoon decides he wouldn't have left his number if he didn’t want to see him. So he carefully writes the number in the field and names the contact 'movie guy'. He opens the texts and sends a message he thinks reads 'goodnight! hope you got home safe' but in reality is closer to 'dood night! hopectou fot home safd'.
Namjoon discards his dirty clothes on the floor and slumps onto the bed. He haphazardly throws a blanket over him before falling into a drunken slumber. His sleep is plagued with memories that feel like dreams or dreams that feel like memories, Namjoon isn’t sure. All he knows is that the man in his dreams isn’t the sweet boy he met today.
🩸
Namjoon gets out of the club. The air is slightly on the colder side as the autumn starts slowly creeping towards winter. He stops under the lit roof of the entrance to take a look around. The figure he was following is standing further away, shrouded in the shadows where the light doesn't quite reach.
The man turns around. His hair parts beautifully with a few strands falling over his cat-like eyes. In the darkness the eyes look pitch black. His soft features are sharp in all the right places and his rosy lips curve up when he looks back at Namjoon. Even though his visions are hazy, Namjoon knows it's him. This is the man who’s been occupying Namjoon’s mind for so long.
"You're real," Namjoon says more to himself than him.
The man’s smile fades.
"Are you?" Namjoon adds barely in a whisper. His fingers are twitching to reach out and touch him despite the distance between them.
The man doesn’t say anything. He just looks for a long time. "You remember?" he eventually asks.
Namjoon knows that voice. He has heard it playing on repeat in his mind, saying filthy things, whispering praises.
The man regards him with curious eyes but waits for Namjoon to speak.
"Who are you?" is all Namjoon says.
The man squints.
For a moment Namjoon thinks he has imagined it all. This man is just a face in the crowd and somehow Namjoon's brain has conjured up these fucked up images.
“I'm Yoongi,” the man, Yoongi, says carefully, “What do you remember?”
So Namjoon hasn’t conjured up everything by himself. All Namjoon can remember are short flashes. Namjoon can't even trust himself to know if it's real. So he doesn't tell how he's been haunted with memories of touches or the feeling of rough texture of rope wrapped around his wrists. He doesn't mention the gentle hands soothing him. Instead he asks, “What did you do to me?”
“I'm sorry,” Yoongi avoids eye contact.
Namjoon feels his blood boiling. Yoongi can't even look him in the eye to apologize when Namjoon doesn't even know what he's sorry for. Namjoon walks out from under the roof to Yoongi. He towers over the smaller man finally getting his attention. Yoongi looks up at Namjoon and he looks tense. “Tell me,” Namjoon demands.
[ in the dark - Bring Me The Horizon ]
“I erased your memory after we fucked,” Yoongi says matter of factly, as if that isn't an insane statement to make.
Namjoon feels sick to his stomach. “Did you…” Namjoon takes a deep breath. He doesn't know if he even wants to hear the answer but he has to ask now that Yoongi is in front of him in the flesh and talking. “Did you drug me?”
“It's not what you think,” Yoongi says quickly, “You were willing each time.”
“Each time,” Namjoon repeats in a haze. His heart is racing. He doesn't remember when was the first time he woke up with no memory of last night but he knows it has been months. “How many times? How long?” Namjoon can't look at Yoongi. He doesn't want to hear it but he needs to know.
Yoongi is silent for a while. “Almost three months, eight times.”
That fits what Namjoon remembers. His throat feels constricted and it's getting harder to breathe. He feels tears burning his eyes but none are slipping down.
“Are you alright?” Yoongi asks then adds, “Obviously you aren't.”
Namjoon is biting back tears when he replies, “Since when do you care about my health?”
“I have cared and I do care,” Yoongi says with an uncertainty that's new to his voice.
“Then how do you explain drugging me? Did you erase my memory just to keep me as your plaything? Is it fun for you to watch as I slowly lose my mind?” Namjoon demands to know. He gasps for a breath as he tries to keep himself together. He feels sick to his stomach.
“No,” Yoongi bites back. “I had to do it to protect myself. And don't act like you didn't ask for everything we did in bed.” There is a flash of regret on Yoongi's face as soon as he finishes speaking. “For what it's worth, you were not under the influence when we fell into bed apart from a drink or two.”
Despite the vile comment Namjoon knows it's the truth because every single image playing in Namjoon's mind is straight from his fantasies. Deep down he knows he'd do it all again. “Then why the fuck did you do it after?” This conversation isn't going anywhere and Namjoon is starting to feel like either breaking down or running away but he can't do that right now.
“I'm a vampire, okay!” Yoongi matches Namjoon’s harsh tone. “I couldn't let you remember my face or my name. I couldn’t let you remember I fed on you!”
Namjoon's mind goes blank. Every other thought quiets down to play back what Yoongi just said. Then he laughs a humorless laugh. “You're insane!” Namjoon exclaims. When Yoongi doesn't say anything to refute, Namjoon continues, “You're actually insane and living in a delusion! I've been stalked by a maniac for three months!”
“I'm telling you the truth,” Yoongi hisses.
“Yeah and I'm a fucking flying unicorn,” Namjoon spits back, “Fuck you.”
Yoongi's face hardens. “Follow me,” is all Yoongi says before snatching Namjoon's wrist.
Namjoon tries to pull his hand back but Yoongi's grip isn't wavering even a bit. Just as Namjoon is about to curse Yoongi, he gets dragged along the street. Namjoon is considerably bigger than Yoongi but even when Namjoon puts all his weight on resisting him, he still gets pulled along like he weighs nothing and he nearly plants face down on the concrete. Nobody outside the club pays any mind to them.
“You wanted to know so we're going to your place.”
Namjoon strides behind Yoongi to keep up with his speed and harsh tugs on his arm. They quickly make their way through the empty streets and soon his apartment building is in front of him. Yoongi lets them in, apparently having memorized the code. Yoongi drags him up the stairs and Namjoon knows his wrist will be blooming in bruises when Yoongi finally lets go.
“Keys.”
Namjoon fumbles with his pockets. His heart is about to leap out of his chest because he has no idea what Yoongi is planning with him. He just hopes if he dies, he dies painlessly. He opens the door to let them in. They enter the apartment with Yoongi closing the door behind them. Yoongi takes off his shoes and hangs his coat as if he's just visiting and didn't just forcefully enter his home. Namjoon toes off his shoes too, never letting Yoongi out of sight.
“To the toilet,” Yoogi points.
Namjoon opens the door and enters with Yoongi following closely. He turns to Yoongi expectantly. His knees feel like jelly and he's on the verge of throwing up. Maybe he can still fight off Yoongi if it comes to that. Yoongi sighs and steps closer. Namjoon stiffens at the proximity but Yoongi just gently turns him around to face the sink. Namjoon stares at his reflection waiting for Yoongi's next move but when he doesn't do anything Namjoon turns back to look at him. Yoongi just stands right next to him and stares ahead at the mirror. Turning back to his reflection, his brain finally catches up to him. In the mirror there is only him. Yoongi is nowhere in sight.
“What the fuck,” Namjoon whispers. He turns to look at Yoongi and the mirror but the mirror is missing Yoongi's reflection despite being right in front of it. “How the fuck are you doing that?” Namjoon asks with more urgency.
Yoongi steps to stand between the sink and Namjoon facing him. “I told you. I'm a vampire.” Yoongi says calmly. He hooks a finger under his lip to reveal unnaturally long and sharp canines. “Here,” Yoongi lets his lip go and instead brings Namjoon's hand to his neck. He carefully places Namjoon's fingers underneath his jaw to his pulse point and holds it there.
Namjoon feels the cool skin underneath his hand but there is no pulse. He tries to move his hand around in case he is pressing at the wrong spot but he can't find a pulse. The panic in his chest expands. It feels like his chest is being crushed and he can't breathe. His chest rises and falls rapidly, drawing in breaths and trying to compensate for the constraining feeling.
“Namjoon,” Yoongi says firmly but calmly, “I'm not going to hurt you.” Yoongi takes Namjoon's shaking hand off his neck and slowly lowers it. “Do you need me to leave?”
Namjoon shakes his head. It's not Yoongi that's causing Namjoon to spiral. It just culminated with him.
“What do you need?” Yoongi asks.
Namjoon doesn't know. His head is spinning in circles with no end in sight.
Yoongi waits patiently for Namjoon to reply but when he doesn't he asks, “Name three things you can see for me.”
“You,” Namjoon replies. He looks around the small bathroom. “Shower curtain. Soap.”
“Name three things you can hear.”
“You again.” Namjoon focuses on the sounds. “The lamp. The pipes.”
“Can you name three things you can touch?”
“You,” Namjoon manages to smile a little, “The sink and the mirror.”
“There you go.”
Directing his attention away helped a little. His chest doesn't feel as tight as it did but he's still breathing too fast and shallow.
“Do you want to get out of the bathroom?” Yoongi asks after giving Namjoon some space to breathe.
Namjoon nods so they move out to the living room and sit on the couch. Yoongi sits next to him silently and waits for Namjoon to calm down at his own pace. It takes a long time as they sit in silence. Once his head finally clears enough to think straight it all comes to him in a terrible reality check. He's been sleeping with a vampire for almost three months and he remembers nearly nothing of it. It's a shame. Namjoon scoffs at the thought.
“We really did all that and I’m not imagining it?” Namjoon asks Yoongi.
“If you mean tying you up, spanking you and fucking you six ways from Sunday, yes, we did.”
“When you put it like that,” Namjoon frowns at the wording.
Yoongi shrugs. “There is no point in sugarcoating it.”
Namjoon supposes that’s fair. They spend more time talking and Namjoon relaxes more the longer they sit there. Despite what Namjoon initially thought about Yoongi, he seems... normal.
“Fuck me,” Namjoon turns around to look at Yoongi. When there is only confusion on Yoongi's face Namjoon specifies. “Fuck me so I know it's all been real.”
“That's not a good idea,” Yoongi says, frowning in turn.
“No. It's fucked up and it's a terrible idea but isn't everything already fucked? I need to know everything hasn't been a weird hallucination. And don't you dare erase my memory or whatever magic you do.”
“It's more of a poison-”
“That's not the point. I want to remember it all.”
Yoongi doesn't look convinced at all. He avoids looking back at Namjoon. Even frowning Yoongi looks pretty and powerful. Looking at him Namjoon knows why he's fallen to his knees eight times, why he'd do it again despite how used Namjoon feels but he knows from the flashes of memories that Yoongi would take care of him.
“I want to and if you want it too then fuck it. Fuck that it's a bad idea.”
“Okay. Fuck it.” Yoongi finally looks back up. “What do you want to do?”
Yoongi tells his limits and insists on Namjoon saying his boundaries out loud despite Namjoon saying it's not necessary when Yoongi already knows. By the time Namjoon is done vocalizing his wishes and negotiating, he's filled with anticipation.
“And I won't bite you.” Yoongi finishes. “You remember your safeword?”
“Yes.”
“Then get on your knees.”
Namjoon rushes off the couch onto the floor and sits. Yoongi tosses a pillow in front of Namjoon and rises to stand up in front of him. Namjoon has to crane his neck to look up at Yoongi looming over him.
“Get the pillow under your knees,” Yoongi instructs while he starts unbuckling his belt and undoing his jeans. “Put your mouth to use and I might fuck your face if you're good enough.”
Namjoon eagerly reaches up with his hands but Yoongi swats them away.
“And did I say anything about you being allowed to use your hands?”
“No.” Namjoon’s blood is already rushing down south at Yoongi’s authoritative tone.
“Then go ahead and use your mouth on what it’s meant to do instead of talking.”
Namjoon starts by taking the tip in his mouth and swirling his tongue around. He alternates between sucking and licking stripes from the base to the tip until Yoongi is fully hard. He takes Yoongi in his mouth and bops his head back and forth before relaxing his throat and taking Yoongi all the way until his nose brushes against Yoongi's pubes. The weight of Yoongi in his throat makes him gag and his throat constricting around Yoongi makes Yoongi sigh. Namjoon pulls back to breathe before trying again. He focuses on pleasing Yoongi, hollowing his cheeks and swallowing around him, drawing more pleased noises out of him.
Yoongi threads his hand in Namjoon's hair and pulls him off. “Your mouth is perfect,” Yoongi praises, “Pinch me if you need a break, okay?”
“Okay.”
Yoongi takes his cock in his other hand and pushes the tip against Namjoon's lips. Namjoon opens his mouth and Yoongi slowly feeds his cock down Namjoon's throat. It's all the warning Yoongi gives before fucking into Namjoon's mouth harshly. Namjoon sputters trying to accommodate for the intrusion. Yoongi doesn't let up and all Namjoon can do is relax his jaw and take it. Namjoon is painfully hard at being used like this and he has to press the heel of his palm against his erection to relieve the pressure.
Yoongi pulls off abruptly and lifts Namjoon's chin up to make him look up at him. “Hands off,” Yoongi commands in a dark tone and Namjoon moves his hand to his side fast as if it got burned.
Namjoon first hears the slap ringing out in the room before feeling the impact of Yoongi's hand landing on his cheek. The tingling sting feels burning hot. Namjoon’s mouth hangs open in surprise at being slapped.
“Did I give you permission to do that?” Yoongi doesn't give Namjoon a chance to reply before he continues. “You really are a pathetic slut who gets off on being used. You can't even be a good toy and keep your hands off.”
Yoongi's words shoot straight down to Namjoon's dick and he whimpers. Yoongi threads his hand in his hair again and plunges his cock in to continue to fuck Namjoon's face with a brutal pace.
“You feel so good around me. Look at you letting me use you like a toy.”
Namjoon thinks he could come just from this, kneeling in front of Yoongi and being talked down to. The noises Yoongi makes sound heavenly to Namjoon, his little grunts and moans as he slowly gets lost in the pleasure.
Soon enough Yoongi warns Namjoon that he's about to come. His hips stop and his cock twitches in Namjoon's mouth. Namjoon tries to swallow Yoongi’s release but some of it drips down his chin. Nobody should look that pretty as they come but Yoongi looks gorgeous with his eyebrows pinched together and mouth slightly parted. Yoongi slips out of his mouth and crouches down to Namjoon's level where Namjoon feels a little light headed after barely being given enough space to breathe.
Yoongi brushes his fingers up Namjoon's chin gathering the cum that's spilled out. He pushes it in Namjoon's mouth and Namjoon obediently sucks his fingers clean. Yoongi doesn't take his fingers out when he demands, “Thank me for letting you suck my cock.”
Namjoon tries to mumble a thank you around Yoongi's fingers.
“You can't even do that properly,” Yoongi says before taking his fingers out. “I'm not done with you.”
Yoongi hoists Namjoon up to standing from the floor. His legs are stiff from sitting on his knees and he struggles to stand up but Yoongi lifts him up and starts carrying him. Namjoon's stomach does a flip as he's carried into his bedroom and tossed onto the bed like he weighs nothing. His mind is still reeling from Yoongi's show of strength as Yoongi manhandles him to lie on his back and undresses him.
“I'm going to open you up and then I'll make you come so many times you'll be begging for me to stop since you wanted to be touched so badly,” Yoongi says as he takes out the lube and pours it on his fingers.
“Want that,” Namjoon gasps.
“Of course you do. Open up your legs.”
Namjoon does as told and he wants Yoongi's fingers in him as soon as possible. Yoongi doesn't waste time and starts fingering him with one and then two fingers while Namjoon sighs content. Namjoon gasps when Yoongi finds his prostate and curls his fingers to press against it before continuing to scissor him open.
Namjoon is grasping at the sheets when Yoongi lowers his head down to Namjoon's cock. Yoongi keeps watching Namjoon as he takes him into his mouth and all Namjoon can think is holy shit those inhumanely sharp teeth are right around his most sensitive part. Namjoon is breathing rapidly as Yoongi bops his head up and down around his length and fucking him with his fingers. In just mere moments Namjoon feels his stomach tighten and muscles clench as he moans and comes down Yoongi's throat.
As soon as Namjoon is spent, Yoongi pulls off his fingers and lifts off his cock. Without saying a thing Yoongi crawls over him stopping right above. Yoongi takes Namjoon's face in his hand and pries open his mouth which Namjoon lets him do easily. The realization comes to Namjoon at the same moment as Yoongi opens his mouth and lets Namjoon's come drip down.
“Swallow,” Yoongi orders once his mouth is empty.
Namjoon should feel disgusted as he swallows his own cum and at all the things he allows Yoongi to do to him but instead he floats on the cloud nine of shame and submission and pleasure.
“God you're disgusting,” Yoongi says breathlessly and dives in to kiss Namjoon.
It's filthy and more tongue than lips but it takes Namjoon's breath away. He's panting and painfully hard again by the time Yoongi lifts up and starts undressing. Namjoon can't take his eyes off Yoongi as he slips off his still undone pants and moves back down between Namjoon's legs. Yoongi slips his fingers back in to stretch him on three fingers.
“Fuck me, please,” Namjoon begs, “It's enough, I'm stretched enough for you.”
“It's enough when I tell you so,” Yoongi scolds but draws his fingers back, his patience wearing thin as well. “Just one word and I'll stop,” Yoongi reminds him with a much gentler voice, “What's your color?”
“Green,” Namjoon says way too fast and then adds, “It's green.”
Yoongi reaches behind Namjoon to take a pillow to place under Namjoon's hips. He then lifts Namjoon's legs to spread him open and line himself up. They both moan as Yoongi bottoms out in one slow smooth slide. Even well stretched, Namjoon feels the burn of Yoongi splitting him open on his cock. When Namjoon tells Yoongi he's good to go, Yoongi starts fucking into him with fast and forceful thrusts. It doesn't take long for Yoongi to find his prostate and Namjoon becomes a blubbering mess as Yoongi deliberately nails his prostate with every snap of his hips.
“You look so pretty when you cry for me,” Yoongi rasps.
Namjoon wraps his legs around Yoongi's waist and scrambles to grasp onto the sheets when Yoongi moves his hands down to hold on to his waist. Being pinned down under Yoongi has him steadily creeping towards his second orgasm. Yoongi has to only take Namjoon's drooling cock in his hand to have him panting out “I'm close” and a few strokes accompanied by the unrelenting stimulation on his prostate have him spilling all over Yoongi's hand and his own stomach.
Yoongi doesn't stop when Namjoon's cock spurts out the last dribble. He just uses the wetness to keep stroking him and Namjoon starts shaking with overstimulation. Namjoon squirms and trashes trying to instinctively get away but Yoongi just tightens his hold on his hip pinning him down on the bed so he can keep fucking Namjoon. His third orgasm takes him by surprise and he tenses with his back arching off the bed. He wails as droplets of cum drool down his dick and Yoongi's fingers.
At this point Yoongi fucking Namjoon’s prostate steadily is more pain than pleasure and each time Yoongi's hips meet his in a sharp thrust Namjoon feels like air is punched out from his gut. He is gasping for air and he's clawing at Yoongi's back trying to hold onto a single thread of reality. Completely delirious, he listens to Yoongi grunt and moan when he clenches around him once more in a dry orgasm. Somewhere in his delirious state he notices Yoongi coming inside him and finally pulling out and letting his now soft cock rest.
Namjoon lies there legs and arms spread, completely boneless and spent. His eyes are closed and it takes a while for his breath to calm down back to normal. In this state, there are no thoughts bothering him, he just lies there and enjoys the calm. As he slowly comes back to his senses, he feels Yoongi stroking his cheek and talking softly.
“Hey,” Yoongi whispers when Namjoon opens his eyes to look at him. “Are you okay?” he asks while continuing to hold him.
Namjoon nods his head slowly first. He's feeling great but he's not feeling up to speaking yet so he takes a moment before he whispers, “Yeah.”
“I'll get you some water and clean you up. Is that okay?” Yoongi gently murmurs.
Namjoon nods again and Yoongi leans down to leave a quick peck on Namjoon's forehead before disappearing from the bedroom. Namjoon closes his eyes again and soon he hears a clink of something being placed down on his nightstand and he feels a warm towel Yoongi is using to clean him up. Once Yoongi is done wiping him down he asks Namjoon to sit up so he can drink and hands him the glass of water on the nightstand.
“How are you feeling?” Yoongi asks when he takes the glass back from Namjoon.
“Good, like, really good,” Namjoon says.
“Is there anything you need?” Yoongi asks.
Namjoon shakes his head. “How do you feel?” he asks instead.
“Good.”
“You do know that there isn't anything wrong with what you said or did. I liked all of it.”
Yoongi smiles and breathes out what seems like a laugh but there isn't any amusement behind it. Namjoon knows he must have made a confused face when Yoongi looks up at him and explains, “You know, you've said that before.” Yoongi pauses for a moment. “I know and I like how it gets your heart racing. I like the feeling of power and that all I have to do is say one word and you follow.”
For a moment Namjoon is lost thinking about how hot Yoongi looks when he wields that power.
“Do you know how hot you look like that?” Yoongi says and closes his eyes and frowns as if he is in pain. “You look so sinful whimpering and begging I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind.”
It's funny how exasperated Yoongi sounds and it makes Namjoon chuckle that they were thinking about the same thing. Yoongi smiles too when he looks back at Namjoon.
Namjoon’s smile fades. “Are you going to kill me?” Namjoon asks. He knows it's completely out of the blue and a terrible timing but he can't think of a less in your face approach to the topic.
Yoongi looks as if he's been slapped in the face. “No. Why…” Yoongi can't finish his question.
“Are you going to do your vampire thing? Suck me dry and leave me here to rot?” Namjoon grimaces as he thinks of a morbid joke he could make and tries to erase it from his memory. He'd make it if he wasn't genuinely worried for his health. “Why wouldn't you kill me when I know your secret, your name and your face?”
“Namjoon, I'm not the monster you think I am.” Yoongi says with a bite to his voice. “Do you need me to leave?” Yoongi asks much more gently.
“No.” It's unnerving to have a literal vampire in his bed but Namjoon craves the presence of another being, be it a vampire, more than he fears Yoongi. “Can you stay? And just… Talk?” Namjoon asks, hoping Yoongi doesn't disappear leaving him completely alone.
“I have to go before sunrise,” Yoongi says, “I'll stay until then.”
They talk. At some point Namjoon shivers so Yoongi wraps Namjoon in a blanket and Namjoon reluctantly accepts it while secretly being pleased at being pampered. It's mostly Yoongi asking Namjoon questions, "How is the album coming together?” but Namjoon gets to hear a little about Yoongi, how he never stopped listening to popular bands from the 70s. For a moment it feels oddly normal.
With an hour into the sunrise Yoongi climbs out of bed and collects his clothes from the floor. He quietly puts them on while Namjoon watches from the bed. When Yoongi leaves the bedroom Namjoon picks up the blanket and drapes it over his shoulders as he follows behind Yoongi to the hallway. Namjoon watches Yoongi put on his shoes while contemplating his next words.
“I don't want to see you again,” Namjoon says and watches carefully for Yoongi's reaction
Yoongi doesn't give any sign of a reaction, his face completely emotionless.
Somehow, it's here in the hallway wrapped in his blanket that Namjoon feels most vulnerable. Namjoon needs to do this. He knows he needs the distance.
“Okay,” is all Yoongi says when he stands up straight at the doorway.
There is a heavy pause where neither of them say anything.
Yoongi breaks the silence by saying, “I want you to know I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did.”
“But I did.”
“Goodbye, Yoongi,” Namjoon hugs the blanket a little tighter.
“Bye.” Yoongi opens the door and disappears.
The door clangs shut and Namjoon is left alone in the dark hallway. After standing in the silence for a moment Namjoon waddles back to bed. He falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow and he sleeps a fitful sleep.
When Namjoon wakes up later in the day he remembers everything. He hopes he didn't make a decision he's going to regret for the rest of his life.