Archive of Our Own

It had been a few hectic days, if you had asked Pac. A hectic last few weeks in Pac’s life, to be completely fair. In retrospect, a few months. But he was trying to be modest and focus on the recent turn of events.

To recap for himself- Pac had found the mysterious stranger, Fit, alone in a booth of the bar one night with drinks already downed by the piling glasses. With Pac’s faintly tipsy mind, he had confronted him in an attempt to comfort him and blurted out his own personal plans and dream- to make a band that would make his ex jealous because of his history with being in a band with them. Would it work? He wasn’t sure, but the idea of being in a band again was a beautiful harmony that made him look forward to something in a life that seemed a bit more muggy now after it all. And with the evidence of band history in the stranger across from him, he was sure he could recruit him.

Technically, he did. Because Fit did come to the rehearsal with his sister Tina beside him, sharing interest in joining the band as well. It wasn’t the best start admittedly; Fit was very lackluster with his performing and practicing, which resulted in Bagi, Pac’s best friend, snapping at him and confronting him. Fit didn’t seem too happy about it, but he kept coming back to the other rehearsals and gave more lackluster performances. Which were better than none, to be fair. But the lack of effort was noticed, and Pac felt the worry starting to worm around in his chest with the idea of not getting any sort of gig with their offbeat tempos and muted hostilities towards each other.

But luckily, due to Fit’s friend and also the kindness of the bar owner’s heart that one night Pac had drunkenly stumbled his plans to the bartender next to him, he let them perform in the corner of his place. Phil, if Pac remembered his name correctly, was the owner that had extended the kind offer to him on the phone after Pac had called when hanging out with Bagi, celebrating with her when they nabbed a spot. They both went to the club to scout out the stage and get ideas for their performance, where they had met the bartender Pac had spoken with previously, Etoiles, alongside the building owner. He and Bagi sat on some stools along the bar as they listened to Phil chuckle and explain that he was happy his friend was getting out and getting some fresh air. 

“It’ll do him some good to focus on something, to find something he’s passionate about again,” Phil had murmured, a small smile on his face. There was a faint glassy look behind his eyes, but Pac chose not to push it instead as the man glanced up again with an expectant twinkle in his eyes. “I’m sure that if he’s in this band, though, it’s bound to be something good. I can’t wait to see what you guys will do.”

And so they set off on practicing for their first performance as a band and eventually getting to their performance date, Pac hoping and praying to whatever sort of deity existed above that it wouldn’t be a disaster as they stepped onto the stage. He tried to let himself get lost in his own voice regardless of the instruments beside him, feeling how the words crawled back up his throat and tickled at the places that felt nodulated and rough from disuse. But it was a satisfying hum, one that brought him right back into performing as he hit every cue as best as he could.

He knew it was far from perfect; Fit still seemed to be a bit hesitant and made the drums much quieter than they should’ve been and even Tina seemed a bit hesitant as she tried to blend in with Bagi’s upbeat tempo and Pac’s excited vocals, but the small praise from the crowd was nice. Most everyone was in good spirits when they went to the back of the stage, Tina cheering and grinning while Bagi had a faint, almost nostalgic, smile on her face. Fit didn’t seem to change from his ever-standing neutral facade, simply watching everyone celebrate and cheer with each other in the back. Pac took it all as good progress, sharing their smiles and cheer.

It was only when Pac turned to Fit, to congratulate him and thank him for participating, did Fit’s eyes finally narrow as he commented on the nature of the performance. How Bagi and Pac’s little “stunt” (that involved Pac using a bar to grab onto and lifting himself onto Bagi’s shoulders before slipping off in a dramatic fashion that made the crowd cheer in alarmed but excited wonder- don’t ask him how he did it; he’s still not sure) was costly and risky and they shouldn’t be doing anything like that. His face was pinched as he spoke, the first hint of mild annoyance he actually felt as he icily made the comparison to a “circus act” and not a stage presence.

That was definitely a match-lit start to the plumes of smoky tension lining the room now, Bagi bristling and glowering at him while Tina watched with uncertainty before she slipped out for a moment. Pac could feel his own anxiety jump up with each word he tried to babble out in defense, trying to say that he had done it before and that it was all prepared. But any sort of persuasion and defense died on his tongue under Fit’s dark eyes, still squinting at him and looking unconvinced. It was enough for Pac’s heart to sink, dropping down into his gut as it curled into itself there. 

Maybe it was too risky. Maybe it was too much. Maybe we shouldn’t have done that for our first performance.

But they were interrupted as Tina eventually came back with the guitar case they had set out for donations, a few winks of coins and slivers of dollars crumpled up in them as she threw it in the middle of the quarreling members. They all jumped from where they had been locked in a standoff, looking down at her offering, and she explained to them that they should split up their first offerings with a silent plea behind her eyes; a last-ditch effort clearly made to try and calm them before the argument evolved into something worse. It made Pac’s heart twinge a little seeing the few scraps, sitting down with Tina to count them out for an even divide as he saw the possibility of a future with a faint wink of hope in his chest. 

It’s possible. This is only the beginning.

He looked up, opening his mouth to hopefully invite Fit and convince him that this was promising for them, but he was instantly shot down by the flickers of disappointment in his face and the small remark that it was barely enough to pass by, shaking his head and turning away from the offerings.

Pac felt his heart entirely sink there with no chance of emerging, and he was too late to stop Bagi jerking herself up and yelling at Fit in response, making comments of him not giving a shit about what he does or what they do and to fuck off if he really didn’t care. All of it was blurring together in Pac’s ears, muffled by his anxious heart thudding and taking away any sort of listening as he could only hear the venom punched into Bagi’s words and felt the room burst into flames of anger with the charged energy from before. Pac offered no substance to that conversation, only listening in a numbed defeat that had taken over the brief flickers of victory he had felt.

He didn’t watch as Fit stormed out, feet slamming down on the floor as he charged away. He didn’t hear the clear words of Tina’s mumbled apology to him or the choice words she seemed to have with Bagi, ones that were more slitted than they usually were with her own frustrations with Bagi. He glanced up to see Bagi’s shocked and pained expression when she recoiled, watching her go with no attempt to stop her as she followed after her brother. It was only the two of them left now, staring down at the small drabbles of money in the back of the stage they performed, a moment that should’ve been filled with pride now soiled and stomped into the dirt.

Pac couldn’t help himself; he let a few bitter remarks slip out about Bagi’s attitude and her headstrong stubbornness. He could feel guilt worming its way in with the further hurt cracking over her face, along with an insistent flare as she told Pac she was defending him. Pac wasn’t reassured though, simply turning away and shaking his head with pressed lips. Bagi took that as her signal; he heard her firmly clamping her guitar closed and storming out in a similar fashion, a faint sniff heard before she left.

And when Mike found himself past closing time in the restaurant due to Pac’s request to help put away the instruments, he also found himself as a shoulder to cry on as Pac bundled into his brother, hiccuping on a few sobs as the doubts and anxieties from everyone’s yelling now ate him alive. He hid into Mike’s chest until he could hear nothing but the gentle thuds of his heartbeat and the soft breathing accenting his melodious thumps, Mike being a quiet but reassuring force that waited patiently for him to calm. 

Pac made it home alright with his brother’s escort, but his mind was still running a thousand miles around and within the grooves of his brain as he sidled his way into the messy apartment. His fingers tapped his chest as he laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling with a pensive frown. There were a lot of turmoiling thoughts, some too quick or messy to completely make cohesive sense of, but there was a gentle click in his chest eventually similar to the deciding thump of the first drumbeat he heard of their performance that stilled his mind. 

I don’t want to let this end. This may be a big detour, but I won’t let this end. I’ll get them back. I’ll get them all back.

He started with Tina first, hoping that the forgiveness from her would at least be an olive branch to Fit. He met up with her over a cup of tea, letting himself ramble his apologies and all of the thoughts swarming his head; of Fit’s dismissal, of the pressure to be the best at what he does, trying to make their rock star dreams a reality. It all came surging in through a tsunami wave of words and feelings, his own eyes prickling with tears at some point while the emotions were ripped raw from his heart.

And luckily, Tina reciprocated. She did seem a bit apprehensive still, but he noticed the way her posture relaxed, her eyes softening and nodding along as she listened to him explain. And finally, when it was all said and done, she told him she’d give it another shot- and try to convince Fit as well. Pac thanked her with a hug, and the two departed as Pac started planning for Bagi’s apology, wanting her to be with Tina as well to give her one after their own curt exchange. It was a surprise that they were fighting at all, but Bagi had elaborated that Tina wasn’t trying to reach out or respond to Bagi’s questioning texts, something that Pac could tell was worrying her with the way her eyes pooled with aghast. That would be the next step; to mend the girl’s relationship, something he knew was valuable for the whole of the group and for themselves (which they probably didn’t see yet, but Pac did.)

Bagi seemed hesitant at first at the idea, but they eventually got a meetup time and date with Tina at a bar somewhere downtown. And when Pac swooped by Bagi’s place early in the evening, she answered the door ready in her black and silver outfit, lips pursed in a black lipstick line as she studied Pac’s shuffling feet and earnest grin under her glowing white outdoor light.

“This feels like a horrible idea with how things ended between all of us,” Bagi remarked drily, but she glanced back and waved goodbye to Emi before stepping outside beside Pac, Pac able to wave rapidly to her younger sister and getting one back before she was out of sight. Bagi shut the door, locking it with a jingle of keys before shoving her hands into her pockets with a tight frown in Pac’s direction.

Pac couldn’t help but give her a small smile, weakened by the anxiety still wringing his chest as they started towards Bagi’s car. With it being located in town, Bagi had volunteered to drive as they climbed in and Pac commented quietly under the closing of the car doors, “Well, you sort of started it.” And now we gotta fix it together.

Bagi paused after she had closed her door, whipping her head around towards him with narrowed eyes. “What?”

Pac flinched, but the stinging in the back of his throat and the slight bitterness started taking ahold, giving her another wry smile as he clicked his seatbelt in while she turned the car on with a click and gentle beep. “Bagi, come on. You’ve been so harsh on Fit ever since he got here; of course his sister is gonna be upset for him. You gotta give him some slack.”

Bagi flicked her lights on into the purple-pink sunset sky, her jaw tight as she pulled out of the driveway. As she rolled along her road in the neighborhood, she shot him a small scowl mingled by violet hues from outside. “Do you blame me? He’s been so rude. He’s not putting any effort into our band; you saw how bland he was with our first performance. He’s not treating it as seriously as we are, and it fucking hurts.”

Her voice wavered for a moment, looking away with the same injured expression he had seen before appearing in a wisp. It curled around his heart and squeezed it painfully, the quiet hurt in her voice apparent as she murmured, “I’m trying to defend you here, Pac. That’s all I’ve ever been trying to do.”

And I love you for it, Pac’s brain instantly defended, his heart still pulsing weakly and painfully with her declaration. He kneaded his lip in thought, his fingers folding together to try and still their anxious tremors. But I need to be able to stand up for myself. Just because… Just because your brother hurt me doesn’t mean you owe me anything.

“I know,” Pac murmured instead of spilling out where his mind went, eyes closing briefly so he didn’t have to see her expression as he turned towards the window with his open eyes instead. “I just… You don’t need to. I need to be able to handle myself with these kinds of things. To be a leader, you know? To be taken seriously.”

Bagi turned the car onto the main road off of her home, leading towards the larger road further down that would take them into the main city. Pac kept his eyes focused away, watching the dancing lights of houses and street lights wave around the pastel skies as his words came out in a gentle breath over the whirring of the car engine, “He’s going through things. I want him to open up when he’s ready. You can’t just… Force someone to get over their grievances. You didn’t do that with me for Cellbit; why is Fit any different?”

It’s very different and you know it. But his point got across; he saw Bagi flinch from the corner of his eye and open her mouth to respond with a sharp spark of protest in her eyes, but he turned back to her and shook his head in a polite but firm way to cut her off. “He has the potential; I’ve seen it. We can’t force him to do things right away. Let him come in his own time.”

He saw her lips press into another tight line, flicking on her blinker to turn onto the mess of cars rushing along towards the city in the weekend’s party hours. As they waited, she let out a soft groan and a shake of her head before shooting him a pinched look, paired with the faintest hint of irritation. “Why do you have so much faith in him when he’s been nothing but blunt and cruel to you? You don’t deserve to be curb-stomped and disrespected like this; you say you wanna be treated seriously, but you just… Let him walk over you.”

Pac winced from her choice of words, unable to hide his frown as they lingered on the road. He caught a glimpse of lights starting to approach in the rear mirror, frowning at their distant beams while his brain fizzed with a faint fuse of anger and hurt. She really makes me sound like a pushover. Does she even take me seriously? Would she ever actually trust me enough to listen to me and follow my lead when it comes to him? Just because I don’t bully him into opening up like she does… I want to be patient and softer with him. Sometimes that’s what it takes. I don’t know how she doesn’t see that when that’s what happened with me.

“Because I know that’s not all that he is,” Pac answered out loud, letting some of his firm determination seep into his voice as the car behind finally crawled to a stop. The mulling masses of traffic continued on, Pac glancing over to see Bagi’s eyes briefly flick out to scout for an opening before looking back to him with a frown as he kept on, “I know there’s more behind him than that rude front he’s putting on for us. I’m patient enough to let him come to me. You don’t get a perfect song usually in the first draft, do you? You don’t get a first perfect performance; ours was a clear example of that.”

Bagi’s fingers flexed tightly on the wheel, her expression still pensive as she kneaded her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment before huffing quietly, not looking over at Pac as she focused instead on the cars rushing by, “Guess so.”

“Exactly.” Pac waited as Bagi finally pulled out into an opening, their car rolling along the highway now as they started their journey into the city. Pac adjusted himself in his seat, tugging his dark blue sleeves up his wrists more and gave her a small smile that hopefully transferred the silent plea in his gut he felt. “If he chooses to come back, let him warm up. Give him time. Trust me on this for once, please.”

“I do,” Bagi mumbled, but it had a distinct lack of conviction that even Pac could tell she recognized with the small glimpse of guilt in her face. The shadows around them flashed in front of her face, only catching small hints of the indecision in her eyes as the car fell into a terse silence. 

Right. Pac couldn’t hide the next trill of bitterness trilling over his tongue, leaning against the window and propping his head up on his arm with a tighter frown. There was another deep squeeze in his chest, twinging and pained. A little more than whatever you’re giving me would be nice. Even though we’re friends, you still don’t think I can do this.

“I’m sorry,” Bagi offered in a mumble as if his thoughts had been conveyed outwards, merging into a different lane with a click of her blinker. She blinked rapidly, her expression continuously shifting under the lights around them rapidly flicking around. Pac didn’t offer any other substance for conversation, and Bagi took his silence as a signal and fell into her own agonized quiet with her pinched brows and strangled expression. 

But Pac didn’t want to dwell on those issues, resting his forehead on the cool glass window next to him and sighing so his breath fogged up on it. As he doodled a face on the foggy canvas, his brain ticked with his resignation, I just want to get everyone back. I want to have this one thing I enjoy. And I know the others do too, it just needs time and patience. And I have that- I just don’t know why Bagi doesn’t. I don’t know if it’s because of how the other band turned out or something else, but it just- it sucks.

Whether she really trusts me or not… If she’s stuck around this long, she has to somewhat. But she actually needs to show that she does when I say I can handle this. I can. It might take a bit of work after everything that’s happened, but it’s possible. She just needs to give me a chance. The others need to give me a chance. And I need to give myself one too.

But for that, we need to remedy what’s occurred. Start back at square one, if that’s what it takes. Stifling a small sigh, Pac rolled his head back towards where Bagi still looked clenched in tension, finally resolving their silence with a mumbling remark, “Well, I at least hope you’re ready to apologize to Tina.”

The car jerked when Bagi was merging into another lane as her feet seemed to twitch with his comment, but hurriedly continued in its motion as she whipped her head back towards him. Alarm was in her eyes, but Pac hid a smile seeing the whisk of a blush fluttering over her cheeks at the mention of her. “Huh? For what?”

I swear, she can be so oblivious. She’s not always in the right, and she’s not always the most aware… Pac couldn’t help arching an incredulous eye at her, as well as letting the faintest smile ghost his lips as he mused, “For picking on her brother? For snapping at her? Maybe that would be a good start to things again? I thought it was obvious.”

“Really? I gotta apologize for that?” Bagi wrinkled her nose, hands curling tighter around the wheel as she made one last merge, Pac glancing ahead and seeing their exit shrouded by even more lights and tall buildings glowing in the distance. As Bagi made her way towards it, her cheeks puffed out as she let out another huff. “I mean, for the other stuff I will. But for her brother?”

“Yeah,” Pac confirmed, sitting himself back up off the window and arching his brows even further at her vehemence. “And just for being generally rude to him.” She can’t seriously think she can get away with being a jerk, can she?

Bagi let out another scoff, shaking her head the slightest bit to confirm Pac’s suspicions as he gaped at her in dismay. Her fingers tapped on the wheel, flicking her blinker on for the exit with another faint eye roll that drove Pac’s nerves up the walls of the car. “Oh, whatever. This is-“

“Don’t you like her?” Pac couldn’t help but cut in with a faint snap in his tone, his patience thinning into another spark ignited and spurting into the tense air already thick in the vehicle. His hands waved amicably, Bagi giving him a few startled blinks as they left the highway and ascended up the exit ramp. Still, most of her attention was on Pac’s mildly fuming tone. “Don’t you want her to forgive you? You can’t just assume she’s gonna forgive you! Just because she’s nice to everyone and is really kind doesn’t mean she’ll just forgive you at the drop of the ball! You can’t expect that from her, especially with how you’ve been acting!”

The car fell radio silent besides the continued rolling of tires, but even that stopped as they approached the light holding red for them. As the car halted, only the low ruttering was heard as Bagi simply stared at him with widened eyes and a slack jaw in shock. Pac’s ears burn with his own words, but he clenched his own jaw and met her eyes with as much vigor as he could. It’s about time I stood up for myself a bit. Might as well start with telling my best friend off.  

The light they waited on lingered on its scarlet signal, giving Bagi enough time to search Pac’s eyes before finally looking away. She couldn’t meet his gaze, eyes on the road instead as her lips formed around her words in a garbled mumble, “I mean… Sure. Yeah. I want… I want her to. She’s… A good friend.”

Pac felt the hesitance on the last word, luckily able to push past his faint amusement with it to instead enforce his ideas with a small scoot towards her in his chair. He leaned towards her, taking the faint pulses of confidence as he let it carry into his words earnestly, “Bagi, come on. We gotta give her some grace, but we also gotta be realistic. We both fucked up, we both gotta apologize, and we both gotta take whatever her response is with respect. She doesn’t have to forgive us. She deserves an apology and has a right to whatever answer she gives us; you know she does. The same goes for Fit.”

Bagi’s face was still tight, lips in a very firm black line, but she was nodding along slowly to Pac’s claim. He tilted away from her an inch to give her a bit more breathing room, but added on with a hopeful waver in his voice to give them both some positivity, “I’m sure she’ll apologize too for what she said to you that night if you apologize, right? Maybe we can all fix this; I think we can. But we need to treat her with respect. No babying, no softness, none. Treat her like she’s our friend, because that’s what she is.”

No babying, Pac’s mind repeated back like a drunken reverb, an ironic twist in the notes as he frowned back out at the window. They were still paused behind the line of cars, but the city lights in the distance casted a faint glow that illuminated small patches within his chest. Take each other seriously; that’s something we ALL need to work on. She deserves that. Bagi deserves that. Fit deserves that. And I deserve that. We’ll work on it.

The light finally turned green, something flicking on in Bagi’s mind as well. Their car rolled along, following the pack of cars down into the city as she let out a quiet groan and reached up to rub her forehead with her palm, using her fingers to comb away a few white strands alongside the thick brown piece dangling in front of her face. “Ugh. This is… Stupid. It’s all stupid.”

“It is. This all is.” Pac’s eyes were still on the glowing cloud in the distance, but he finally turned to her with the catches of light surrounding him as they whizzed by. Bagi hesitantly turned her eyes to him, seeing Pac now tilt his head and give her a meaningful look that he felt rounded through his eyes. “And? Are you willing to sacrifice what you’ve had going with her because of this stupidity?”

Another pause followed, but it’s not nearly as long as Bagi lets out a louder groan and kept her focus on the road. But Pac saw the shift in her eyes, now spinning with more thoughts and the faint ease in her jaw as she considered his words with a small huff. “Ugh. Whatever. Shut up.”

Think I finally got somewhere with her. Pac can’t help a small smile of victory marching onto his lips, leaning back against the door as he studied her with his smirk. Gotta enjoy getting her to finally listen and consider it all at least a little. “Am I right?”

“Shut up,” Bagi muttered again, but there’s no active heat behind it as they cruised closer and closer to the city, their conversation stalled as they embraced the flashing lights. It wasn’t anything they weren’t used to; the club they first performed at was down here, tucked away in a quieter corner of the city. 

But the location Tina had given them was taking them more into the flashing city, following the neon buzzes and mirages as they leaned into the traffic parading through. Pac turned his full attention towards the streets and the lights, letting Bagi navigate her way through as he let out a soft shuddering breath in excitement. Something about these lights… They’re just so… Alight. Alive. When we perform and get bigger, I want these lights on our stage and around everything. I want all of it.

With a mental note stowed away to talk to Mike about their next stage setup later, Pac blinked back into focus when he felt the car lurch and finally ease to a stop alongside the sidewalk next to a parking meter. Pac glanced over at Bagi, seeing her unbuckling and nodding to a building across the street from them. “There, the club’s across the street. Come on.”

Pac abided, unhooking the belt and sliding out with a firm shut of the door behind him as he watched Bagi slide a few coins into their meter before starting their trek. Cars buzzed by with music pouring from buildings, muffled melodies to their steps trudging through with glowing pink and green fuzz lining the sidewalks in muffled orbs and accenting their walkway. Pac raised his hand and let his fingers dance in the buzzing lights, smiling faintly with the same glowing feeling that seemed to have reappeared after what felt like eons of emptiness. The lights are similar to our performance ones; that’s why they feel so alive. 

That’s why we’ll get them back. We will.

His thoughts eventually hushed as he followed Bagi’s lead, stepping along the serrated white crosswalk in front of blurring traffic halted in beams of pristine white and gold. Pac hustled along beside her, folded close to himself and instinctively cowering beside her as they leaped back onto the sidewalk and skirted along until they found the source of the club, feeling the deep thuds from the walls drumming with energy out into the sidewalk and even the street behind them. The bright neon sign shone against the stark black, Pac’s chest starting to drum along with the beat he could hear coming from inside. It was invigorating, the beat traveling all the way down his fingers as they tapped on his thigh. It’s loud, but… I would love to perform somewhere and have the streets hear it someday.  

Bagi, however, seemed to hesitate before stepping closer to the building as she eyed the outside with unease. Her nose was slightly wrinkled, squinting up at the club’s name plastered in the blaring sign glowering bright above them. “Wow, this is… Active.”

And loud. Not exactly a place I would pick for a conversation… Pac could feel her nervous energy thrumming undercurrent to the loud yelling and thumping from inside as he could feel his own nerves starting to prickle in agreement, joining in her hesitance as he rose onto his toes and peered around the windows to squint inside. “Do you see her?”

“Um…” Bagi looked doubtful, but she shuffled up alongside him and did her best to peer around inside as well. But from what Pac saw, it was a mass of shadows bouncing up and down to whatever was roaring on the stage and creating the heavy beats. Pac let his chest twist in mild jealousy, fingers trailing on the window as he looked from the outside in with a hollowed but invigorated feeling. 

That should be us one day. And it will be.

Fortunately for them, there was a faint chuckle from behind and a familiar slick voice commenting in bemusement, “Looking for someone?”

Pac pulled himself away from the windows, whipping around to their target with a shining grin. Bagi was slower to turn around, seeing her eyes quickly flicking anywhere but their friend that they were looking for as Pac greeted her with relief, “Tina! Hi!”

Tina gave him a small smile in greeting where she stood a few feet behind them, but her eyes were shifting already towards Bagi with expectancy. There was a bit of silence as Bagi seemed askance, still avoiding her eyes, but the quiet between them all eventually lured her gaze back up to Tina’s, wincing at the intensity before swallowing and mumbling in a punched tone, “Hey.”

“Hey there,” Tina greeted just as quietly, Pac taking a small step back to observe as the third audience between the two. The tense air between them was enough to clog his nose and windpipe as he watched the two of them assess the other with keen eyes, one looking passive and expressionless while the other was clearly more uneasy.

More moments of silence passed, Pac stifling down a sigh seeing Bagi’s mouth open a few times before closing, more panic and uncertainty on her face. He folded his arms into his chest and let himself bask in the embarrassment for a moment, shaking his head slightly. Every bit of confidence falls away with Tina, it seems. Guess I gotta help her out.

So Pac went forward, coming up to Bagi’s side and nudging her arm firmly. She stumbled with his touch, but Pac chipped up for her before she could protest, “I believe Bagi has something to say to you.”

Bagi shot him a look, more panic flickering in glimpses through her eyes, but both of them turned to Tina as she let out a soft snort. Her eyes were a bit more cutting now, both Pac and Bagi wincing as she noted a bit drily, “Does she? She doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about whatever she has to say to me.”

Bagi’s eyes flared with a bit more hurt from her curt tone, but she seemed to be a bit more awakened and despairing now as she gawked at Tina. Her hands were clasped together, folding into her chest as she took a small step towards her with a broken expression. “Tina…”

Tina didn’t move forward, only staring at her in a muted response. There was a furrow in her brows to accent the faint touch of ice within her eyes, tilting her chin up as she peered down at both of them. Pac took a small step back away from the glare, shooting an expectant look towards Bagi with a plea writhing in his chest. Come on, Bagi. Apologize, please…

Bagi caught his look, but it was brief as her eyes stuck to Tina’s and scanned every inch of them. After a bit more analysis, Bagi finally closed her eyes and straightened herself up, nodding and opening them to fully encompass Tina once more. She looked much softer now, much more genuine as her features smoothed out and her hands clasped in a more pleading gesture towards Tina as she finally murmured, “Okay, okay. Alright. I’m sorry.”

“For?” Tina didn’t relent in her stare or her firmness, still glaring as her arms remained folded over her chest. She was leaning back against the other building next to them now while she waited for Bagi to sort through her words, leaving a bit of empty space into the alleyway with Pac and Bagi in front of the booming club behind them. Pac could feel it against his back, thumping along the center of his spine and kicking his heartbeat up to a much faster pace.

This is what I mean when I say she shouldn’t be treated lightly. She can be firm when she needs to be. Bagi needs to realize that she’s gonna need to fight for her if she wants her back.

Pac glanced over at Bagi, seeing her features continue to soften over as she took a step into the alley between them, closing the gap a bit but not entirely. Her back was now to Pac, unable to see her face, but he could hear the wavering in her voice as she murmured, “For berating on your brother constantly. For being mean to him. For not being patient. For not trusting you or giving either of you time or kindness.”

There was a falter in her step, staying on her feet but clearly swaying a little as her voice cracked a bit more. “I’m sorry that it carried over to you and if I was cruel to you at all. I never- I never wanted to hurt you, I swear. I’m sorry.”

A moment passed, Pac nudging up on his toes to see Tina’s face shifting in the glance of car lights flashing by and in the neon sign still spinning slowly above all three of them. Her face seemed to contort for a moment, clearly indecisive, before it hardened over a little more as her hands tightened on her arms. Her lips pressed further together, her words scathing but also cracking as she finally lashed, “Well, you did. My brother and I have a complicated past and a complicated relationship now, but he’s still my brother. I want to defend him. I don’t like seeing him insulted or seeing him hurt.”

There was a hesitant waver in her face, eyes flicking briefly over to Pac before returning to Bagi as she added in a quieter but audible whisper, “It’s just like with Emi. You know how it is.”

Oh no. Not a good idea to bring her into this. Pac inhaled sharply, seeing Bagi’s shoulders instantly tense over as her posture firmed out. Even though it was still wavering, her voice was a bit more hardened as she rasped, “This is different. Don’t you dare bring her into this.”

Tina flinched, but she remained stoic and steady as she kept her chin up, arms pressing a bit more into her own chest while her jaw tightened. “Sorry. But you get it, don’t you? You get what I’m trying to say?”

I don’t know if this is going the way it should be. Pac glanced between the two and the tensions now rising with the mentions of their siblings, the clouds of tension from within their car now following them into the alleyway they now occupied. If she knows about Emi, she knows at least some of the story with that. It’s similar, but it is still different… I just don’t know how Bagi feels about mentioning her; it’s a tender spot regardless…

Pac slowly came up to the side of them in equidistance in case for any sort of interference, blocking the exit of the alleyway and the flashing lights to shadow Bagi’s gritted teeth. She looked pinched, eyes now flickering away again from Tina’s. “I guess I do. But I still-“

She cut herself off, looking a bit more aware of her words as her eyes glanced up to Pac’s. Pac’s lips pursed, his eyes furrowing with a small drop of a stone into his gut as Tina pushed her from across the small barrier, “What?”

Bagi’s eyes slid to her before moving back to Pac’s, hesitant but almost begging behind their glassy look. Pac could feel more heartbeats drumming through him, furthering his anxiety, but he closed his eyes and nodded without opening up. I’m not sure what she’s looking for from me, but she needs to do this herself. If we want a better start, we might as well be honest with things. Get everything on the table before we repair it.

Pac could feel the restraint Bagi had ebbing, letting herself go as she took a deep breath before Pac opened his eyes and saw her take another step towards Tina, her hands clenching open and closed with another plea behind them while she ranted, “I don’t get it. Why is he so against us? So against showing off his skills Pac claims he has? What did we do to piss him off so bad? I know everything might’ve gotten off to a weird start, but I would think he would learn to open up or at least understand us a bit better during our rehearsals. But he didn’t.”

Bagi’s teeth gritted further, Pac seeing the indignant tilt of her chin coming up as some of her usual stubbornness and honesty came rumbling back through a growl, “He was just as bland at our performance as he has been the whole time I’ve known him. At this rate, I don’t even know if he’s being genuine about his skill.”

“Bagi!” Pac blurted, his ears burning as he waved frantically and shook his head. He took a step towards her, hoping it would be enough to stop the flood at its peak. Okay, enough, enough! We can be honest, but we don’t want to scare her away! If we’re too cruel, she won’t ever wanna be associated with us anymore!

But Bagi backpedaled away from him, giving him a small shake of her head before turning back towards Tina, lost to the waves as she continued on with another hint of strain but tugging through, “I’m being honest here! I’m laying it all out here! He doesn’t have the passion for us, he hasn’t shown his abilities…”

She finally turned to fully encapsulate Tina again, whose gaze had hardened over and seemed emotionless now while she watched Bagi bleed herself out of her inner turmoil she had throughout the last month. “I’m sorry, Tina, but I just- You can’t blame me for being doubtful about it all, can you? I might be cruel, and I’m sorry. But that’s because I care about this project and I love what I do. I know you care about this project too, but your brother doesn’t seem to care at all, and it stings.”

A long silence finally followed, Pac wincing and recoiling back into himself as he saw Tina’s eyes flashing but nothing coming from her mouth. He backed away into Bagi’s shoulder, watching as she seemed to be growing more panicked but shoving it down as best as she could as she kept her chin jerked up, remaining solid even with the faint tremble in her fingers and the labored breaths from letting her lungs spill. There was still a quiet plea behind her eyes as she assessed Tina, a quiet yearning to understand and to be understood.

That was a lot to hand her at once. We can only hope she understands it all. Pac could only hope that was reflected in his eyes as well, standing in a small puddle running in the gutter within the alley as he and Bagi waited for Tina to speak. Her eyes had closed now, the press of her lips together the only indication that her thoughts were running as fast as Pac’s heart was. He didn’t say anything, only waiting for the aftermath of the storm. Please understand. Please.

As the cars passed through, they illuminated the flash of Tina’s eyes opening again with the previous solidified expression as she finally stepped towards them, both of them flinching back but pausing as she circled around them before heading past them further down the alleyway. She snapped her fingers, her voice blunt as she ordered, “Alright. Come with me.”

“Huh?” Pac mumbled, reaching and grabbing Bagi’s arm to grasp onto something as an anchor. Bagi seemed just as confused and concerned, watching her with a furrow in her brow and twitching hands while she made her way down the dark alley, ignoring the dumpsters lined up and the puddles forming from the dip in the road towards a structure smushed up against the wall of the club they were previously guided to. 

Tina squatted down next to a large wooden board, knocking a few selected times in a specific order before there were muffled noises of chains unlocking. With a small yelp, Pac watched as it swung open and led into a hole of darkness, Tina shifting her eyes up towards them expectantly with the same placid expression. “Come with me. I wanna show you something.”

“What the hell?” Bagi muttered, keeping it only between her and Pac as they stared at the new entrance. Bagi didn’t try to move Pac or move herself, feeling her pulses underneath his hand as his grip on her arm tightened. “What is that? Where are you taking us?”

“You’ll see.” Tina didn’t try to elaborate any further, lowering herself down into the hole. With a few odd shuffles downwards, Pac realized as he and Bagi finally advanced towards her that she was squeezing into a narrow staircase, only having enough room for one person to walk with barely enough space for someone to follow behind. Pac swallowed at the claustrophobic thought, shuddering from the idea. That seems unsafe. Very unsafe and suspicious.

But she wouldn’t hurt us. Maybe it’s something… Nice? Pac turned to Bagi and squeezed her arm faintly to gain her attention, asking for her thoughts as he asked her in a whisper, “Bagi?”

She didn’t look enthusiastic about it either, eyeing the staircase with a worried frown. But when her eyes shifted back towards Tina, seeing her not move a single muscle and waiting for them with no hint of emotion still, Bagi finally started to nod with a swallow and a shuffle of her feet, Pac dislodging to let her go forward. “I mean… I guess so. Group adventure time, I guess.”

Tina didn’t say anything else, turning and heading downwards without another word. Bagi hesitated for a moment as she descended the first few steps, pausing to turn back to Pac and extend her hand in a silent gesture. With a faint spark of warmth in the bottom of his chest igniting through the growing anxieties and fear in his buzzing body, he stepped into the hole and took her hand, practically right behind her shoulder as they traveled downwards after Tina.

There weren’t many sights beside them, a greenish-gray wall surrounding them and cupping them inside the odd pathway they trekked down. There were a few hashes of graffiti along the concrete, but Pac couldn’t make out what they said as they shuffled on by in the muffled light through the system. His chest was tight, the silence making the already thin air hard to breathe. I trust Tina to not hurt us, but this… This is creepy.

“I feel like we should’ve thought about this before following someone into the depths of hell,” Bagi muttered to Pac behind her, shuddering as he felt her breath brushing past his nose and cheek with their close vicinity. She stumbled briefly, Pac’s hand grasping hers even tighter to help keep her up as he saw a flare of a blush appearing on her face before she continued on, planting her feet more firmly to prevent herself from tripping.

“You two keeping up?” Tina called from somewhere farther below, both of the other people jolting in their spot. Pac squinted down the tight spiral of stairs, seeing Tina’s head of hair and a glance at her brown eyes within the faded green light shining through in small and infrequent bulbs fastened into the walls. 

“Yeah, we’re coming!” Pac recited to her, nudging Bagi forward when she only watched Tina start up again. Bagi was stirred back into her own steps, shooting Pac an unreadable look but going forward anyways, squeezing Pac’s hand to keep him close. I’m not going anywhere without you, don’t worry. We’re going down together.

As they kept going, Pac’s hands ran along the wall with a small frown. There were small quakes around them, closing his eyes and trusting Bagi to guide him forward as he tried to find the source of the noise. The drumming from the club above was growing more faint, paired with the rumbling of the streets above from the cars he could identify with the pattering muse of tires rolling along the roads. There was another noise below that was a steady thumping that was growing louder, felt in small tremors under his fingertips and his feet that seemed to gently shake the stairs they walked along. Where are we going? What’s down here?

“You sure they aren’t here to murder us?” Bagi whispered to Pac as they kept going, seeing her eyes squinting down into the abyss to try and see the bottom. She wrinkled her nose, focusing on her steps again in front of her on the metallic steps that clattered around them. “Fit seems like the type to do that.”

Maybe he does, but I really don’t want to think about that. Pac couldn’t help another eye roll, but squeezed her hand and stayed right behind her as he did his best to soothe, “Relax, Bagi. It’ll be okay; they wouldn’t do that.”

Bagi let out a faint hiss, feeling another pressing force against his hand with her clench as she glanced behind her shoulder at him, arching an eye accusingly. “You’re nervous too. I can feel it; your hand tightens and your body is shaking behind me.”

You don’t have to be so obvious about it! Pac’s face burned, and he gave her a small nudge from behind as his voice pitched with her callout, “Of course I am. But don’t say it so loud.”

Bagi couldn’t help a snicker coming from her mouth, but it was cut off by a choke as they caught up to Tina right in front of them, who was giving them both an unimpressed look. When they both hunkered away from her, she pressed thinly, “Come on. You wanted to see him play, so I’m showing you how he plays.”

“Where exactly are you taking us?” Bagi questioned her when they caught up, wincing when Tina went on with a few heavy thuds from the stairs below them. Pac kept his hand wrapped in Bagi’s, his other gently grazing the wall to feel the powered thumps from before. It was definitely more frequent and heavier, rising from the depths as if eroding straight from his soul.

“The club, like I told you.” Tina hopped down a few more stairs, the tunnel they were in finally widening out. Pac could actually see more below him, able to make out a thick black door with shimmering light below it pouring out into their hallway in a faded haze. The faint green glow around them extended beyond, stretching into another underground alleyway leading away from the door.

Pac felt his chest starting to drum along with Tina’s answer, mixed in anxiety and excitement as he craned his neck over Bagi’s shoulder to blink down at Tina. “The one you mentioned on the first day?” The one Fit didn’t want to tell us about?

“Yeah.” Tina squinted up at him for a moment, seeing the mixing thoughts in his head as her expression flickered before she ducked her head again to hide her expression, huffing and muttering as an echo to his thoughts, “The one he didn’t want me telling you about.”

“Why do we gotta go down seven rings of hell to get to it?” Bagi accused with a faint grunt, her other hand reaching out to use the wall for balance. She wrinkled her nose at the scrawls of writing her skin thumbed over, keeping close to Pac behind her. Pac felt some of her weight traveling back into him, trying not to fall forward and pulling back instead. “This all feels highly suspicious and kinda murderous, if you ask me.”

Tina gave her a faint arch of her eye, the only amusement she seemed to have throughout their whole ordeal when her eyes flicked to Bagi. “Haven’t you heard of speakeasies? Similar to that with its fashion; pretty hush and kept secret. That’s how this club styled itself. You wanted to see Fit perform, didn’t you?”

“He performs down here?” Bagi questioned, a hint of an incredulous tone seeping in. She continued creeping forward, but her steps seemed to grow heavier the further they went down. Pac couldn’t tell what was on her face, but some of the rigidity from before had returned to her shoulders and fueled more of Pac’s nerves to stand on end.

Tina let out a quiet hum of confirmation, Pac shuddering from the echo their chamber provided as the hum rolled over his skin and up past his head into the world above. “He does; he likes how hidden away it is. It’s been an outlet for him.”

A few more steps fell as they walked in silence, Pac’s mind starting to turn with a small wince. But Bagi was the one to beat him to it, speaking his thoughts out loud in a bitter mumble, “So our band is not the outlet he’s looking for, it seems.”

Tina halted where she was, Pac running into Bagi’s back with a soft “oof” as they both were stopped in their tracks. She gave them both a steely look, one that made Pac’s insides curl into each other, but there was a wisp of mild despair and frustration caught on her features as she defended, “Look, I don’t know why he isn’t bringing the same energy to the band, okay? I wish I did. I wish I knew too. Because he didn’t- He doesn’t-“

She cut herself off, head bowing as she glowered at her feet. The stairwell seemed to tremble with all of the energy around it, Tina’s hand tightening on the bar spiraling downwards beside them with very clear agony written into her blown eyes and pressed lips. “He didn’t even tell me about this club shit at first. I found out on my own, confronted him, and he finally told me. You guys aren’t the only ones curious about who the fuck he is and what his deal is. I’ve been trying to figure it out for years, and I still haven’t. So don’t assume I know everything about him.”

Pac and Bagi were left in a stunned silence, Pac feeling his jaw drop slightly in shock as he gaped at her. Sympathy was coursing through him in waves, the strong urge to leap forward and comfort her blocked by Bagi’s own body twitching from the tension. Tina smoothed her hair back to try and calm herself from her outburst, wiping her face briefly before turning her back to them once more and smoothing her voice over. “You’re not the only ones left in the dark about things, okay? All I know is that he’s happy here, and maybe… Maybe at least you’ll understand him a bit more after seeing him play here.”

Bagi and Pac didn’t respond, Pac glancing aside at Bagi but feeling relieved when she didn’t make any further comments and only obediently followed Tina as she guided them down the last few flights of stairs. It seemed to be an abandoned tunnel system they were stepping into, further leading away into darkness that Pac had caught a glimpse of earlier from above with the drippings of moisture trickling down from the ceiling and onto the ground in eerie drippings. But their stop was right in front of them, the dark door bursting with energy behind it as the thumping from before was now in full but muffled blast beyond the frame.

Tina scooted aside to let Bagi and Pac hop down beside her, Pac wincing at the texture change from metal to stone on his feet. But he hustled up in between Bagi and Tina, hearing Tina announce through the low drones in front of them, “We’re here.”

Pac shuffled on his feet, watching as Tina leaned forward and knocked another intricate beat on the door that she had used for the previous entry. There were a few clicks before a sliver of light started seeping through with the door creaking open, Pac’s chest starting to thump even louder as he and Bagi squeezed in behind Tina, nudging past a burly guard that regarded them before closing the door behind them. For a moment, it was pitch black as the lights were dimmed and the shadows of people crowded around, growling and rumbling deep within their throats as they waited. Pac waited too with his own breath being held, glancing aside to see Bagi’s tense shoulders and felt the more firm grip she slotted into his hand.

Where are we? This is terrifying, this is-

But then the lights flared on and cut off Pac’s train of thought, neon greens and golds flashing over the room in waves and ripples, and the crowd started to roar. Stomping, shouting, hooting and hollering filled the energy in the room with a frequency that stood Pac’s skin on end like an electric touch. He stood on his toes to grasp the makings of a large pit in the room, a slotted bar tucked way back into a wall of the room with seats filled to the brim of people slamming their cups on the table to help generate the beat traversing through the room. And right up front and center was a wide set stage, filled with people who were also stomping their feet to get the crowd rolling.

All of it registered into Pac’s senses in a whoosh of breath and the blaring of lights, letting out a faint gasp as he took it all in. “Oh!” This is… This is so… Invigorating.

“Holy shit,” Bagi breathed in return, Pac seeing her eyes blown wide as they danced in color. Her jaw was also slack in shock, staring out at the center stage with a hint of envy at the size and the crowds massing around. Her head whipped around for a moment until it landed on Tina again, who was leaning against a portion of the back wall. “He performs in this?”

Tina allowed herself a small triumphant smirk, giving them both a nod as she casted her eyes outwards to survey the sights. She looked almost as breathless as they did, but Pac could see the energy feeding into her with the way the lights shone in her eyes and the tapping of her own feet following the stomping in a softer thud. “He does.”

“This…” Pac stayed back away from the grueling crowd, but he couldn’t help drifting to the edges of it to stare out. His eyes didn’t dare look away, a harsh tug of yearning and desire filling his chest with the shouts and cheers ricocheting off the walls. “This is cool.”

This is everything I want and more. This energy… He inhaled deeply, hoping every single thing he could feel, see, smell and hear would forever be ingrained in his mind. I could live off of this. This is what I want for our band. This is what I want.

Tina gave him another small smile, one that seemed more genuine than before, and the mission that had been in Pac’s head from the start now peered \in his head with a hopeful mirage as he gave her a tentative smile back. But Bagi seemed too distracted to notice, instead craning her neck and looking around at the stomping feet before glancing over at Tina. “So where is he then? Didn’t you say he was performing?”

Tina opened her mouth to respond, but a loud strike of a guitar snapped Pac and Bagi’s eyes back to the stage. The crowd seemed to quiet down for a moment, but the stomping of their feet continued as they let the guitar twang take the lead. While Pac’s heart leaped from the new energy in the air, he could hear Tina’s voice crackle through with a hint of smugness, “See for yourself.”

Pac stared up at the stage, letting his heart pound vigorously as his lungs sucked away and held his breath. Bagi was waiting too with anticipation, eyes shot forward as the stage lights and the rest of the lights within the room seemed to darken for a moment. Pac could see someone shimmy their way onto the drumset, but felt himself frown when he saw a head of hair on the man’s head as he started clacking the sticks together to rev up the crowd further. That’s not him… So where-

But then the guitar twang continued, a sharper and more gritting tune as a figure slowly approached the microphone, the rest of the guitarists and instrumentalists filing behind him. Pac fed off the energy in the room, once quieted but now roaring back to life as he watched the shadowed hands play the guitar front and center.

Everything blacked out for a moment, Pac’s heart dropping with the shadows and stillness it held. And then the lights blared on, revealing the leather jacket and studded jeans of the man playing front and center on stage. And within the lights, Pac was able to recognize his smooth head and the powerful hands playing the guitar as if it was his muse. The flash of familiarity nearly rocked Pac off his feet, but the only thing keeping him standing was the one offbeat that he hadn’t gotten to see before- the wide, sparkling grin on the man’s face as it was lit brighter than fireworks in the night sky.

Fit.

Pac sucked in a breath, his heart careening down in his gut before shooting right back up into his chest and sucking away all of his oxygen as he breathed once more in a punch from his chest, “Oh.”

Bagi was the same right beside him, feeling her hand clench onto Pac’s as she looked on with what could’ve been a mix of horror and admiration. Her jaw was completely unhinged, eyes round circles as she gaped at Fit with her own choking sputter, “Holy shit.”

Tina didn’t say anything, but Pac glanced aside and saw her feet stomping along with the rest of the crowd, cupping her hands around her mouth and cheering loudly for the man on stage. Fit was grinning down at the full audience, one hand adjusting his microphone before returning back to the guitar, thrumming along another string of tunes before the drummer joined in, along with a few assisting guitars with all of the players grinning ear-to-ear.

Fit didn’t notice Pac or the girls standing in the back, but Pac was almost grateful for it as he was sheltered and able to watch him start the song, all of the energy in the room blurring together while he performed. Pac did his best to focus on the lyrics, but his eyes were trapped on Fit’s hands and the way he moved on stage; the way his body folded to try and trap the microphone, his lips moving around it perfectly to accent the grit and growl in his voice. His brown eyes were alight with energy, something Pac was unfamiliar with as well with the sickly emerald glow they had trapped within from the lights on stage. And God, the hands that Pac noticed on the first day were strumming along and clutching onto the guitar like a lifeline; like he had spent his whole life waiting to unleash every ounce of what he had into this performance.

Pac felt the audience moving along with Fit, still stomping and having a pit close that Pac could see was roaring and cheering as they were meant to. All of the energy fed around Pac in waves of jubilee and sheer joy, delivered by a silver platter performance with Fit waving around and moving his hands meticulously along his instrument. He moved to stand back-to-back with the other guitarists at a few points, but otherwise maintained the microphone with the authority and pride Pac yearned for. His grin never faltered, staring out at the crowd with glory ablaze and a body that fit the shining energy in the room.

Pac was just as drunk as the crowd with the energy in the room, but his heart was pounding much faster than the beat established by the song when his eyes never left the lead singer, skimming over his hands and his body before finally finding a purchase on his grinning face and the eyes alight and alive. In seeing it all, seeing how full of life Fit was and how he shone, Pac had to do his best to remember to breathe.

He’s… Intoxicating. All of this, his performance and the audience… He has them all by the throat. And he’s not letting them go. He’s exhilarating. Pac could feel a grin spreading over his features, joining in the stomping naturally and the cheers that left his mouth throughout the song. What I would kill for him to perform like this with us, to see him like this all the time… I would give anything in the world to feel this elated again at his side.

It was dismaying when Pac knew the end of the song was coming, hearing the last section of the chorus playing after a rewinding sound effect that left the crowd roaring in praise. Fit didn’t let up at all, carrying the energy throughout the whole song until the last words left his mouth with no instrumental, gripping the stand of the microphone as he sang the last few notes before breaking off with another grin, letting the crowd fuel the noise instead with a grin. Pac cheered loudly beside Tina, who had morphed off of the wall next to him to sing her own praises for her brother beside Pac. Bagi wasn’t cheering, but she was giving the stage and Fit a dazed look that was pleasantly surprised, sharing that look with Pac before finally allowing herself to add a few claps into the mix, shaking her head with a disbelieving smile.

As the crowd finally settled and the stage members left their turf, Tina settled and gave them both another triumphant grin, allowing herself a small bow and gesturing out towards the stage Fit was previously on. “And that’s your confirmation that he does, indeed, give a shit about what he does.”

Bagi winced slightly with her comment, shuffling closer to her in order to be heard over the mulling people. She accidentally bumped into her from the few shoves and nudges of the tide of people rolling around, but Pac could see a brief glimpse of color on both of the women’s faces as Bagi blinked down at her. She seemed wordless, searching for anything to say while gazing at her in a dazed stupor. “Tina…”

Pac watched their intimate staredown for a moment before ducking his head and peering through the masses of people, trying to scout out where he had seen Fit disappear off to. His eyes flicked out towards the bar and the masses of people crowding around it, his heart leaping briefly as he heard the excited buzzes from eager fans trying to move forward and meet whoever was in the middle. Pac waited for the crowd to part, his breath held until it was suckered out of him when someone stepped aside to reveal Fit, smiling casually and greeting people singing his praise. There!

For a moment, Pac could only watch as he laughed naturally with the people around him, signing a few shirts and pieces of paper while carrying a conversation with the fan. It all seemed so easy; a safe and sheltered environment that Pac hesitated to interrupt. He’s so happy here; happy and carefree. I could ruin it if I approach him right now.

But… Pac couldn’t hide the dreaminess and the praises of his own he wanted to give him, taking a few small steps towards Fit signing a few more things, still smiling and chuckling along with the other members beside him. He deserves to know how good he is. How good he can get. He already has an audience; he could be so, so much more.

I want him with us. I- I need him. Because I think I’ll quite literally never enjoy music ever again if I don’t get to do it with him by my side. 

It was  a dramatic thought, but it was enough to put him into action; Pac was sprinting forward and shoving through the crowd before he could stop himself or talk himself out of it. A startled yelp came from behind him, picking out Bagi’s scrambling cry before footsteps raced after him. “Wh- Pac!”

“Fit! Fit!” Pac found his own mouth shouting, ignoring the shouts from behind him as he shouldered forward. Most of the crowd around him had petered out, making Pac’s heart fold around and twist in his chest seeing Fit’s eyes lift towards his name being called. Pac cherished the shelter of the crowd still hiding the source of his calls before he closed his eyes, finally shoving himself out and exposing himself, giving Fit full view of the person yelling for him. 

Pac heard a sharp inhale come from Fit, opening his eyes to see a whiplash of shock crossing over his face with wide eyes and a rounded mouth. He didn’t look angry yet, but he certainly looked taken aback as he stared numbly at Pac. “What the fuck? How are you-“

Quick, quick, please, please, before he shoos me away. Please. Pac raced forward before anyone could say anything, already seeing the bristling of other people and security nearby as he ran up and grabbed Fit’s hands before he could stop himself. They were burning from the guitar he was previously holding, but they didn’t pull away as the other man only ogled while Pac let himself ramble out hurriedly and full of admiration, “Fit! Hi! Hey! Wow, oh my gosh, that was- That was incredible! How you strummed the guitar and belted those lyrics, all of that was so- Wow! So stunning! So amazing!”

Fit listened to his ramble, still looking just as shocked as before. But even with the staff ready to get rid of Pac in a heartbeat, crowding around with glinting eyes and making Pac’s chest lurch in fear, Fit made no signal to get rid of him as he only gaped at him further. His eyes finally flicked behind Pac’s shoulder, registering something other than Pac’s blazing eyes and fumbling words as he asked incredulously, “How the fuck did you get in here? Did my sister-“

He was cut off by the two women with him finally jumping out of the crowd to hustle up beside Pac, Bagi panting and looking around with a guarded look as she seemed more coiled and tense in the unfamiliar environment. Tina, however, seemed more relaxed and even had a few people calling out her name as she straightened herself out, ignoring the calls jerking her chin up defiantly to meet her brother’s eyes.

The posture was apparently needed for Tina’s case; Fit’s gaze hardened out a bit more as he moved away from the group of people he was with, the people casting glances to each other before shuffling away and only leaving the guards nearby as Fit stalked up to his sister and narrowed his eyes at her, his voice blunted and short. “Tina.”

Tina rolled her eyes, still trying to catch her breath for a moment before shaking her head and gesturing to Pac and Bagi, who had shuffled next to each other again and conjoined their hands to stay connected while facing the two siblings. “Come on, you know I couldn’t hide it from them forever.”

Fit’s eyes scanned over Bagi and Pac again, now looking much more focused and annoyed before it shifted back to his sister with more ice behind it. His words came out flinted, sharpened into points that drove straight into Pac’s heart. “Why the fuck did you show them? The band’s done. We’re done. They have no reason to be here.”

Most of Pac’s hope wilted away with Fit’s glare and his words, Bagi wincing with a flare of defensiveness in her eyes and a small threatening step forward despite the pair of guards still lingering nearby. Tina looked tense and upset as well for their sake, reaching towards her brother with glittering eyes and pursed lips. “Fit…”

“Fit, wait. Please.” Pac sucked in a breath, shaking his head and untangling his hand from Bagi’s to lean forward again, grabbing for Fit’s again. The man jolted in surprise, whipping his head around towards him, but Pac swallowed away his anxiety and forced himself to take a breath, heart thumping with anxiety and determination both. Stand up for yourself. No more backing down. This may be the last chance I ever get with him if he’s really done with us; make it all worth it somehow.

And so Pac took one more breath, opening his eyes and looking straight into Fit’s as he took the emotions rolling from his performance to fuel his pleas and murmurs, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, Fit. I’m sorry if I pushed you too much, if we performed before you’re ready or if you really felt forced into all of this. I’m sorry we rushed you into all of it. If there’s any way I can make it more comfortable for you or anything, I want to know. I want you to be happy with us and what you do.”

He softened his grip on Fit’s hands, staring down at them with heat crawling over his cheeks. Fit’s finger pads he traced under his fingers were indented by the guitar pick and the hold he had, hooking onto those little details as he breathed out in complete admiration, “You are so, so, insanely talented, Fit. It’s an honor to even know your name and stand by you right now. And I believe you can be more, if that’s what you want. I think we can do amazing things and become a group that will be admired and remembered for years to come. And I…”

His voice caved for a moment, but the hush of the room and the people around him encouraged him to keep going, keeping his eyes locked on Fit’s so he didn’t read whatever his facial expression was hinting at. He did his best to focus back on his own words, getting quieter but remaining just as determined with the first few, “It would be an honor to be with you for it. To help you. To… To be your friend. That would be better than anything else, even if you don’t want to perform with us.”

Fit was staring at him with an unreadable expression when Pac’s eyes strayed to try and study his face, feeling the surprised eyes of Bagi and Tina pressing onto the back of his shoulders while he spoke. Pac swallowed and shuffled a bit where he was standing, feeling his face heating up further as he added on in another rush of babbles, “Eventually, though! Friends eventually and band stuff eventually! Not right now, if that’s what you want. That’s okay.” 

He hesitated again before ducking his head, looking down at their surprisingly still connected hands as he gave them a very faint pulse of a squeeze. It was faint, but it was enough to feel his own heartbeat and then Fit’s pulse thudding in return. “But I… I really believe in you, Fit. And I want you here with… With me. With this band. Please, at least think about coming back. If you can. Please.”

Fit hadn’t spoken or moved at all during Pac’s confession, finally closing his mouth to wait for his response. He only continued to stare at Pac, Pac being the one to pull his hands out of Fit’s with an apologetic wince. Still, he didn’t seem bothered as the rest of the crowd was muffled around them and didn’t seep into the conversation. Pac could feel curious eyes watching them, but they were ushered away by staff or their friends to leave them be.

Bagi and Tina were the only ones nearby, hovering near each other and both watching Fit. Bagi looked much more wary than Tina, who was giving her brother a look of hope that was matching the pool within Pac’s own heart, her hands squeezing together. She shared a soft look with Pac when he met her eyes, giving him the smallest nod that made his heart thrum. He also led me to Tina, one of the best people I’ve met. I don’t want to lose either of them. I know she’s her own person, but I don’t think she’d come back without him. Please don’t let her leave my life.

A slow inhale drew Pac’s attention back to Fit, his eyes closing briefly before he stepped aside to stare down Bagi, making Pac jump slightly from the gesture and the intensity within his eyes as he met her gaze while questioning her briskly, “What about you?”

Bagi blinked rapidly to focus in at the conversation now shifting to her, all of the focus now on her as she arched her eyes faintly at him in surprise. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Fit took a step closer to her, Pac jolting at their closer vicinity and taking a small step back for Fit’s sake as the larger man narrowed his eyes at Bagi, shoulders twitching while he remained poised and tense. “I wanna know what you want to say, if you have anything to say. I didn’t need to hear from him.”

He paused for a moment, Pac’s heart beating like a fluttering bird up into his throat as he saw Fit’s eyes flick briefly over to him and give him the tiniest nod. “Though that was… Nice. Thanks.”

Pac felt his body start humming with the praise, daring to give him a small smile in response, but Fit turned back to Bagi with another frown, furrowing his brows again to return back to his firm stature. “I want to hear it from you. You got anything to say to me?”

“I-“ Bagi’s mouth opened and closed like a flailing fish, still blinking to try and adjust to his callout. The group remained silent as she tried to retain her thoughts and words, trying to look over to Pac in desperation for any sort of help.

But Pac gave her only the faintest of nods, keeping his lips sealed as he stepped back again to give her the spotlight. His heart ached quietly, but he didn’t try to step in for her. You have a lot you need to say to him. He won’t accept it if I’m helping you in any way. This has to be all you. 

Bagi’s lips pressed into a firm line, catching some of Pac’s thoughts in whatever was swimming in his eyes as she studied him for a moment before peeling her gaze away, taking a deep breath. She rubbed her face with a hand, looking pinched for another moment before smoothing her features out. She still looked a bit strained with her words, but she did her best as she finally started on her speech, “Alright, alright. I am… I am sorry, Fit. I didn’t… I haven’t been giving you a chance. I’ve been… I’ve been mean to you. Unfair, in some ways. I just…”

She hesitated with the fumble of her words, glancing at Pac again before briefly looking over at Tina. But when neither of them stepped forward, both of them only giving her tiny nods in encouragement, Bagi took another deep breath before stepping forward, coming up more into Fit’s space but still remaining at a respectful distance and not as instigating as she had been before with him. She didn’t look antagonizing, remaining as passive as she could muster while she remained courteous but firm while she explained, “I’m passionate about what I do, Fit. I care very strongly about who I am, who I’m around, and what I do. I’m very passionate about those I care about, especially Pac.”

Pac winced, but the brief thoughts coming into his mind were quickly whisked away while she continued her speech, folding her arms in and keeping her chin up but relaxed. “We’ve both gone through shit, just as you probably have. I’m passionate about our music because it connected us. It connects us still, and it takes those shitty feelings and gets them somewhere. Gives them somewhere else to fester and changes them into something that can be yelled about to get off our chest instead of keeping them inside.”

Her eyes shifted up towards the stage behind Fit, shrugging to gesture out behind him with an intense burn in her eyes. “Everytime I play, whether it’s for an audience or not, I feel myself ease just a little. Feel a bit more like myself, beyond all of the shitty suffering my life has been in recent years. It helps me remember Pac, and it helps me remember the good times I’ve had since then that are worth sticking around for. It makes it feel like my life is just a little more worth living, no matter the shitty hand I’ve gotten.”

Pac pressed his lips together, feeling faint tears pricking at his eyes with her statement. Tina as well seemed to soften, looking much more gentle when she gazed at Bagi with her own emotional gaze. But Bagi didn’t relent, keeping her eyes on Fit despite the slight tremor that coursed through her body before stilling once more into a sturdy figure, knowing and understanding. “If you’re like the both of us with whatever shit you’ve gone through, you’ve found that solace with performing. It’s given you a freedom you yearn for from whatever you’re going through. And it… It was clear tonight that you do care. That you have that heart and passion.” 

She paused for a long moment, closing her eyes but uttering the words with certainty despite the slight jaded edge, “And I… I respect you for it. I really do. Not everyone can perform the way that you do or rope in the crowd like you did. I have a lot of respect for you after that.”

She rubbed her face again with her hands, sighing into them before taking a step back so she wasn’t in Fit’s space as much, shaking her head and wringing her hands out as she tapped them against her arms. Her eyes were a bit more askew now, but she did her best to meet Fit’s when speaking. “Look, again, I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you. I… I’ve been wrong about you. But I really… I really want to see that sort of performance and some of that vulnerability with us before I fully believe in you. I’m not saying you gotta tell us your life story right now, but just showing us in your performance that there is someone there that wants to play his heart out.” She chewed at her lip, shooting a harsh glare down at her feet as her shoulders tensed up for a moment. “And if you’re not performing like that just to spite me for any reason, because of how I treated you or because you don’t like me… I get it, but…”

Her eyes flicked out now to Pac’s and Tina’s, both teary but encouraging and full of their own admiration when they met hers. Bagi gestured to the both of them, Pac quietly making his way around to her to finally support her silently as he wound his hand into hers. She seemed to relax more with his support, meeting Fit’s eyes much easier now and with a brief glimpse of stubbornness and heat. “Please, man. Come on. Don’t drag your sister down or drag down the one man willing to give you a chance and be your friend just because you dislike me. They don’t deserve that; you know they don’t.”

She hesitated again for a long moment, studying Tina and Pac once more in a few beats before looking back to Fit, another small sigh leaving her before conviction and honestly seeped into her words. “And most of all, give yourself that chance. Because you really could be something great if you let yourself be. I don’t wanna be the reason you don’t play your heart out, because you’re damn good at doing that. Come on.”

Pac was finally able to see Fit’s expression from where they were standing, but it didn’t seem to be much different from when he was watching Pac. He looked as expressionless as always, but he did have the smallest burrow in his brow as he seemed to consider Bagi’s apology while observing her. Bagi was doing her best to catch her breath, not letting go of Fit’s gaze while she quietly squeezed Pac’s hand. Pac squeezed it back, his heart soaring for her and pulsing it in a few quick beats that matched the words in his head. Thank you. I love you.

Bagi only gave him a long squeeze back, but they were distracted anyways by Fit letting out a deep hum, somehow still rattling Pac’s core even with the constant droning in the room from the music and footsteps of everyone around them. As Pac turned to look back at him, he was shocked to see the faintest hint of some sort of emotion in the quirk of a brow and his lip. Pac didn’t dare try to assume what the emotion was as Fit only hummed once more. “Hmm. Decent pitch.”

“Yeah?” Bagi let out a long breath she seemed to be holding, unable to hold back the faint snicker that slipped out beside it as she regarded him with a small arch in one of her brows. “Good. Cause you’re not getting anything more from me. That’s it.”

“Bagi…” Pac winced with her words, squeezing her hand again to try and warn her off. But she didn’t seem phased, still waiting for Fit’s judgment call as he studied her with his own thoughtful eyes. He could only squeeze her hand once again in silent support, waiting for Fit’s final call. It was really good, but it might not have been enough… Please, though… Please let it be enough…

Luckily for them, however, Fit waved Pac off with his own small huff and a small nod, shifting in his stance. “It’s fine. That was…” He paused again, looking as pinched as Bagi had been with her apology as his eyes flicked around before meeting hers and finally grunting, “Nice. It was nice.”

Bagi grinned in relief, Pac practically sagging with his own as he leaned against her with a weakness in his legs but a lighter grace in his heart. Tina had shuffled away from their small puddle, but she was smiling and still looked soft as her eyes flicked between them but remained primarily on Bagi with a gentle shimmer. Fit seemed to study his sister for another moment before looking away, eyes clouding with his own thoughts while he considered his options.

Pac did his best to distract them both out of whatever they were thinking as he took a small step towards both of them, chest lurching with hope as he finally chimed with his hidden plea, “So? Both of you? Are you back in?”

Fit didn’t give a straightforward answer right away as he pondered silently to himself, Pac’s heart twisting slightly, but he turned to his sister and arched an eye at her that glistened in the fluorescent lights around them, reminding them of the bolstering area they were in. “Tina?”

Tina met his eyes for a moment, both of them sharing a long look before she laughed and shook her head, taking steps towards Bagi and Pac afterwards and throwing her arms around both of them. Pac let out a startled but elated yelp at the new weight around him, hearing her giggles reach his ears as she declared, “Ah, hell. You two have dug your way into my heart already; you ain’t getting away that easily.”

“Yay!” Pac laughed into her, wrapping his arm around her and squeezing with a shockwave of joy as he grinned into her shoulder. Tina giggled in his grasp, hugging him back and including Bagi in their small huddle before backing away, allowing Pac to smirk at Bagi’s flustered but clearly joyed expression as she shared a smile with Tina, one that looked much more shy but was overpouring with relief shared between the both of them. Oh, those two have only just begun. I’m glad they’re better now.

But that was only a portion of Pac’s wish; he turned back to the other man with a hesitant hand extending out to him, his skin dancing in the neon lights around them while he smiled hopefully in his direction. “Fit? What do you say? One more chance?”

Fit regarded Pac, still as emotionless as ever, but there was a hint of something starting to swim around in his eyes. There was also a faint twitch on his lips; it wasn’t exactly a smile, but it made Pac’s heart patter around anyways as his eyes flicked from Pac to Bagi. “Hm… Well… It’s nice getting an apology. Even if one wasn’t needed and the other was…” He arched his eyes at Bagi afterwards, raising a hand and tilting it around with a small tut. “Mediocre at best.”

Bagi took his jab in stride, rolling her eyes and shrugging with a snort as she slung an arm over Tina, tugging Fit’s sister closer with her overjoyed expression while she teased him drily, “Thanks. That’s the best you’ll ever get from me.”

Pac reached out to shove at her, willing her to be quiet in case, but Fit’s features had softened over. And at last, a smile was on his face as he gave her a small nod. It wasn’t the same as his performance one, but it was enough to have sparks shoot through Pac’s mind and heart as Fit finally nodded towards Pac as well and eased, giving in with one last hum. “Alright. Fine. I’ll give it another shot.”

Pac’s brain and heart sent off more fireworks in victory and jubilation that flamed over all of the anxieties and fears he had over the last few weeks, a cheer leaving his mouth as he pumped both fists into the air and grinned brightly at Fit. “Yay! Oh, thank you, thank you! Thank you, Fit!”

Tina let out her own loud cheer as well, wrapping both arms around Bagi and rendering the woman wordless and in a blushing mess while she squeezed her, squealing in joy over the drums of music starting up again on stage, “Yay! The band’s back together! Woohoo!”

Bagi only smiled in response, still too flushed to comment, but the next band playing on stage was enough to distract them away anyways from their successful conversation as they let the band take the spotlight and start performing. But as they all scooted away towards the wall to let the crowd morph around the stage again, cheering and whooping, Pac nudged himself up to Fit and risked nudging him with his shoulder. When Fit glanced down at him, Pac leaned up slightly and murmured up near his ear to be heard over the cheering crowd, “Thank you, Fit. I’ll do my best to make sure you won’t regret this, I promise.”

Fit didn’t look entirely convinced still, but his expression was definitely much softer than it had been before when they had first met and any time during their rehearsals before. The fact that he was even giving Pac the faintest smile at all was enough for Pac’s heart to glow and stay alight for the rest of the evening. “Yeah.”

Thinking of their first encounter gave him an idea, Pac hesitated before nudging Fit again and giving him a bashful grin, giggling quietly underneath it all. “Can I treat you to a drink? Different from our first encounter with no encroaching into your personal space?”

Fit snickered, another noise making Pac’s heart flutter and drum around as the man leaned back against the wall with a small eye roll and a crooked smile. He studied the crowd before pushing himself off the wall again, shrugging and giving Pac a small nod as he mused, “Hah, sure. Don’t expect me to be buddy-buddy with you after all of this, though.”

Pac smiled as he waved over at Bagi and Tina to follow them, murmuring only to Fit’s ears as they all started making their way back towards the exit, “That’s okay. I’ll be here if you change your mind.” I’ll wait as long as I have to. I’ll be here.

Fit’s expression seemed to soften one more time, Pac catching his rare smile again that made all of the stress and anxiety the last month worth it just to see, even for a moment. “Thanks.”

And Pac smiled, guiding them out of the club and back towards their own that they were familiar with in flashes of city lights and symphonies. And when they got there, he listened to Bagi and Tina talking and bonding about the few days they had missed in their silence, leaning against the other as if nothing had been disturbed in the first place with Tina’s fluttery giggles and Bagi’s heart clear in her eyes while she gazed with a dreamy smile towards Tina’s rambles. Pac paid attention to their conversation and laughed along with them, but he did his best to keep Fit in the corner of his eye to watch how he was doing. He wasn’t as enthusiastic as the others, but his relaxed features were more than enough as he watched them all with something once again swimming in his eyes.

Pac didn’t want to try to put a name on it still, but he could recognize it from a mile away. Yearning was a part of it. Hope was another. And it was a good cocktail that Pac could work with. We’ve both felt those, regardless of the situation we’ve both come from. I’ll make sure he has an outlet where he can talk about it; where he can share his story and yell about it all he wants. He deserves that.

And so Pac scooted in close to Fit, pausing when the man flinched and gave him a suspicious look with him creeping up. But when Pac only raised his glass, sliding it towards Fit’s with a hopeful smile, Fit gave him a long look before looking away with a small eye roll, nudging his glass closer but not participating as Pac clinked them together in a cheer with his grin. He wasn’t entirely devoted yet, but it was enough.

And Pac would wait as long as he needed and do whatever he needed if it meant one day seeing him perform like he had that night again. One day, Fit. One day we’ll get there. And I can’t wait for when it comes. 

The world’s gonna love you. I can’t wait.