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Chapter Text

A Second Chance

Chapter 103

Kaz liked to think he had done the scariest things when it came to dating Inej. He’d already revealed his darkest secrets and past to her and he’d met her parents. He’d even gone through the most terrifying experience of asking her if he could be her boyfriend, so what else could possibly cause him any kind of stress?

The answer to that question had him knocking on Jesper’s door not long after everyone had gone to bed the night before Halloween. They had an early start to the day, but the idea of meeting her grandparents the next day had him tossing and turning already.

My grandparents have been fine all this time, so wouldn’t hers be, too? But not all grandparents are the same, so maybe they won’t like me like Hari didn’t like me at first. Maybe they won’t understand. They know what happened to her, but they don’t know what happened to me and I don’t want them to. But then that one aunt of hers and her cousins will be there, too. What if they all hate me?

Those thoughts exploded out of his mouth as soon as Jesper opened the door for him to come into his room after he’d texted him that he was, indeed, awake with his and Wylan’s clothes firmly in place on their bodies. Kaz wondered if Jesper begrudged the precaution of asking, but he wasn’t taking chances after the barn incident. 

Jesper sat beside Wylan on his bed while Kaz paced nervously with both his hands wrapped around the back of his neck as if to hold his head in place. Wylan, still slightly red from Kaz’s embarrassing question about the level of dressed they were, was content to listen and pet Nova.  

“I don’t want to mess anything up for her and I don’t want them to think badly of me and have another problem like I did with Hari and—”

Kaz cut himself off and groaned beneath his hands that were now covering his face. 

Jesper cut in then. “After what happened before, I don’t think Hari would give them the chance. Lessons were learned that day.”

“Inej might actually knife them on the spot,” Wylan added. 

“I want her family to like me so she doesn’t stress, too,” Kaz reiterated. “The last thing she needs is to commit a homicide.”

Wylan looked at Jesper and said, “He does know I was kidding, right?”

“I wouldn’t put anything past him. They both watch way too many crime docs.”

“Guys!” said Kaz, almost frustrated. 

“Alright, alright, brother. Sit.” Jesper tapped the desk chair clumsily with his outstretched leg and foot. “Sit thyself down and listen.”

“Go ahead,” Wylan said to Nova, giving her a gentle pat on the butt which had her going to Kaz.

Kaz did as he was asked, letting Nova’s head rest on his lap, and said, “Listening.”

Jesper started. “Take it from me. I’m not naming any names, but yours truly does not get along with all of my partner’s family.”

“Oh, Jan Van Dickwad,” said Wylan, his ray of sunshine smile entirely for sarcastic dramatics. 

“That’s the one!” 

“And I hate Cathal and Bronagh Fuckwit, so we’re even.”

“Indeed we are, my love,” Jesper said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “The point is that we got kind of lucky with the Elders and Hillis. We’re not always going to get along with every family member, but we aren’t here for them. We’re here for our partner, and we support them in any way we can without setting ourselves on fire. So, don’t set yourself on fire with worry trying to keep everyone happy. What’s important for you to know, I think, is that you’re safe no matter what. We have your back, and the worst they’ll be able to do is say something stupid.”

“Exactly,” said Wylan. “I think by now you’re more concerned with how it’s going to affect Inej, right?”

Kaz thought about it, and while he was afraid for himself, Wylan was right that his biggest concern was how this could affect Inej, especially when she was performing for the first time in a long time. What had happened between him and Hari before had been a mess, and he was not about to let that happen again. 

“How do I make sure they don’t use their opinion of me against her?”

“You’re forgetting what matters most,” said Jesper. 

Again, Kaz thought for a moment, then said, “That Inej loves me?”

“No. My opinion.”

Wylan smacked him then. “Jesper!”

Rubbing his arm defensively, Jesper said, “I’m kidding! Yes, she loves you! She loves you, and it’s your opinion she’s wanting approval from right now, not theirs. Remind her that you love her and she makes you happy. Make sure she knows she’s supported by you and that the rest of the world could go to hell in an ugly handbasket.”

Wylan added, “If they don’t like you or those idiots from the year before cause you problems, just remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of. What they said about your body before was cruel. I think you have a little more experience now knowing which words hold value and which don’t.”

Kaz supposed Wylan had a point, and he supposed that this was another way to use his own words to help himself. There was nothing he needed to be ashamed of. He was fortunate in that Hari and Binsa seemed to adore him now, and he was the luckiest boy alive to have the heart of Inej showing him nothing but love. Even if he was a little nervous still, he knew that his brother and Wylan were ultimately right. He and Inej were both safe from any bodily harm, and their love for each other and support from their other friends and family would help keep them secure in the face of whatever verbal assaults might come their way, whether overt or insidious. 

Maybe I should ask one of them how to say “growl” in Kaelish so I can teach Nova. If all else fails, I’m sure Nova wouldn’t mind speaking for us if I asked. 

As if she could read his mind, Nova gave him a little woof while she gazed up at him, her tail wagging. He smirked, knowing she sensed the change in his energy. 

“Hey, Jesper…”

***

Genya, Nadia

8:21 am

Kaz: (photograph of Nova with white powder on her face and a white cape on her back, tongue out and wide-eyed in excitement)

Kaz: (photograph of himself dressed as Jack Skelington, his face covered in black and white paint)

Genya: Woah! You look JUST like the character. Is that makeup? And Nova is Zero? 😍

Kaz: Yes! Aoife helped me do it. She’s really good at makeup. I did Nova’s face after she showed me how. 

Nadia: Is Inej Sally? 

Kaz: She just finished her makeup. One second…

Kaz: (photograph of Inej as Sally, her black hair covered in red spray dye)

Kaz: Eoghan immediately said she’s honorary Kaelish 

Genya: A wise grandda. 

Nadia: You got an early start today! Plans for the day?

Kaz: Halloween themed breakfast and lunch that Eoghan was basically up all night prepping for because the man doesn’t know how to sleep. Matthias and Astrid are on their way with Trassel, but everyone else is here so when they get here we can eat and then we’ll play games and do that riddle trick or treating in the house again. Then we’ll go to Diwali. Inej has her show today which I’m really excited for. 

Kaz: OH and then afterwards we’re coming back home and Colm is taking us another haunted jurda ride and then if we’re still alive we’ll watch a movie. So… sleep at 3am. 

Genya: That sounds like so much fun!! As usual, I demand 1987937 pictures of Nova 

Nadia: Same… but you’ll be home for a while it seems…. 😈

Kaz: …. Yes???

Kaz:  Did you just knock on my front door?!!

Nadia: I was told there would be food 

Genya: food? 👀

Kaz: …. I will bring you some on Tuesday.

Genya: I’M KIDDING!! Go have fun!!!! 

Kaz: No no, I need you to truly understand my pain, therapist. 

Genya: A sacrifice I’m willing to make 

Nadia had, indeed, showed up for a surprise visit. She’d had one just a short while before Colm had his accident, but as she and Kaz had been communicating throughout the process and the Elders had come to help, she felt comfortable enough to give them all space, However, after Kaz had told her about what their pizza had done to him and the notion of longing earlier that spring, she figured she should pop in for a few minutes that morning to check in as she always did and always would as promised. 

This was something Kaz still wanted even if he had come to know this place as home. Having a lifeline on the other side was a comfort just like his food supply under the floorboards were. Now, he had a lockbox thanks to Colm that he kept in his closet that he could access just in case. It was like how he could always count on Nadia to check in on him and having access to her on the phone twenty four/seven should he need. He would always value security, and just as he told Genya, he wasn’t above the added bonus of Nadia now knowing how truly he suffered as soon as the grands left for their respective homes and took their cooking skills with them. 

Kaz could see that she was wondering what kind of madness she’d found herself. She watched as his friends ran through the house, already cramming candy into their mouths while they set up games to play soon. Her eyes were drawn to the creepy and busy decorations covering the house inside and out, the altar with pictures of Aditi and Rietvelds among lit candles in their honor, and the way Trassel and Nova played.  

Most of all, Kaz could see that she was watching him and how he was reacting to it all. The way he would stay closer to the walls when things got a little too loud but still actively participated in conversation, leaning on Nova or holding Inej’s hand for comfort during those moments. How he’d walk through the room with people behind him and hardly a second thought beyond a couple glances over his shoulder before he’d grab another piece of candy or take his turn at a game they were playing.  He took a moment to look back at her and give her a small grin, another quiet acknowledgement of his thanks for having brought him to this place and a grin that she returned.

As predicted, Eoghan and Colm were the most enthusiastic for the merriment of the day, piling a plate high for Nadia with their different breakfast offerings as Halloween themed music played not too loudly as to drown out everyone’s voices. Nadia was immediately sucked into the food as promised with Kaz acting smug about it the entire time. She was tempted to toss a piece of her spiced pumpkin bread at him, but it was better served going into her mouth while Colm regaled her about the day’s plans. 

Nadia was also quick to compliment the costumes as everyone went all out. She felt terribly underdressed with only a pair of bunny ears on her head and whiskers drawn on her face. 

Astrid, with some last-minute help from Aoife and Binsa, completed her look as Hel with a half-decayed face while Matthias dressed as her brother Fenrir, far older and lesser known gods in Fjerda. Trassel, despite being the one looking most like a wolf and who everyone might assume would be Fenrir, instead had a snake costume on to play Jörmungandr, their other brother. Matthias had bought the costume with his gym earnings and had it sent to Inej’s house to hide along with their other things. They all looked positively devilish considering their ties to the Church of Djel, and they knew they were all dead should they be caught doing this which Astrid loudly and proudly announced that she couldn't possibly care less about.  

Jesper and Wylan, on the other hand, went the comedy route with their Halloween thrifting. Wylan had found an awful bouffant wig and glitter spray while Jesper found a taco costume in a random bin. Together, they created Edward Cullen and Taco Bella with Wylan whispering, “Say it…out loud,” and Jesper answering, “Gordita”, making everyone laugh and Kaz more confused than anything but afraid to ask. He was sure he’d be filled in soon enough by being forced to watch whatever atrocity the costumes originated from. 

Of course, Kaz, Inej, and Nova were Jack Skellington, Sally, and Zero with impeccable makeup. Inej had managed to find some different dresses in the thrift store which her mother helped her sew together to look like Sally’s dress while Kaz opted to just wear the black suit he owned but a new white collared shirt and a bowtie. 

As for the parents and grands, they all went nuts regardless as to whether or not Halloween hailed from their culture. Hari and Binsa nailed their Gomez and Morticia Addams costumes with Binsa’s thigh length hair stealing the show for the look. Ejau wrapped himself in bandages while holding a baby doll to call himself “Mummy” which he was far too pleased by. Jelani went for dressing like a queen which was more than appropriate for her station in their collective family. Eoghan, Aoife, and Colm went for a Lord of the Rings theme with Eoghan parading around as “Grandalf” with a giant stick he’d found in the woods on the property to act as his wizard staff. Aoife dressed as an elf while Colm dressed as a hobbit much to everyone’s glee and his grumbling acceptance that he should be the hobbit and not his shorter mam. 

Inej had even lent her the silver elf ears she had gotten during her Renaissance Faire celebrations which Aoife admired before they exchanged some quiet words. Kaz wished he could hear what they were saying, but he could see in their eyes the fondness between them before Aoife pulled Inej into a gentle side hug. Even Colm admitted the ear pieces complemented his mam more than they would him.

Nina, meanwhile, had decided to forego a Halloween costume altogether as Binsa and Hari had gifted her with her very own set of Suli silks to wear to the Diwali festival. It was a similar style lehenga that Inej had worn the previous year, only this coloring was a deep red for her favorite color. The fabric had faint floral embroidery throughout that had a slight sheen when she moved through the room. One look at her and anyone in the room could tell that she felt beautiful in it, especially when the sight of her left Matthias at a loss for words and had Astrid manually closing his gaping jaw. 

Once breakfast wrapped up and the festivities moved into their next phase, Nadia said her goodbyes and headed for the front door to take her leave, but not before a quick chat with Kaz to check in.  He assured her that things were better now and that he was catching up with school again and not pushing himself too far with his leg. He was also sure to thank her for coming by.

Just before she walked out the door, he stopped her and went to the kitchen for a few seconds and returned with a bag full of baked goods that Eoghan and the other grands had put together for her. Kaz hadn’t realized it at the time, but it was their own way of thanking her for bringing Kaz into their lives. Without her, they wouldn’t have him as their grandson. Sending her with a few gifts felt like the least they could do, and seeing her practically salivate was a gift in itself for Kaz. 

“Enjoy your pain, madam,” he said in jest, though Nadia knew damn well he was enjoying every second of what was about to be her pining. 

“Listen, you work on getting them to agree to move out here and I’ll help invest in making it happen.” 

“Deal.”

***

Kaz had been sorry to see Nadia go, but he knew she had her own plans that day. It was time for him to get back to his. 

The next couple of hours had been full of various Halloween-themed games played and chatting and nibbling candy while scary movies played on the TV as background noise. This was what Kaz had so been looking forward to: familiar chaos with most of the people who made him feel safe and happy. It felt like home. 

Eventually the cameras ended up in the hands of the grands and Colm for photographs and requests for everyone to flaunt their costumes if they felt up to it. Kaz could tell that was their way of giving him an out, but he was comfortable enough to stand up with Inej and Nova to do a few silly poses for them to start. Afterwards, he joined in with the others, offering a little more of his theatrical side to take some silly pictures together with everybody.  

While they were having a good time, Colm lowered his camera and looked around the room at everyone, taking it in as if he were looking at a monument or some grand landmark he wasn’t sure he might ever see in his lifetime.There was pride and wonder, but there was also something akin to longing and loneliness. It worried Kaz as each passing second seemed to have Colm drifting in a kind of melancholy he shouldn’t be feeling on his favorite day of the year. 

Why is he sad? Is it Aditi? Does he miss her?

Jesper eventually noticed, too, cocking his head to the side as if to ask him if something was wrong.

“Come here,” Colm said, pulling Jesper into his arms to give him a long, loving hug. “Last one before uni.”

Kaz could see Jesper’s arms flex a little tighter around Colm as if those words were about to pull them apart right then and there. 

“Yeah… I’ll come back, though.”

“I know.”

“I promise, Da. I will always come back.” 

Kaz watched them, feeling a sudden foreboding sense of finality despite the promises. Jesper had submitted his application to Ketterdam University already among a few others as backup plans, but it was happening too soon. He was just now beginning to feel like everything was going right again, like he was home and that the people in his life were his to keep. Even if Jesper promised to always come back, he was still going away, and Kaz didn’t want him to. Up until that point, he’d been trying not to think about it, but the clock was suddenly ticking louder and louder and Colm had heard it. 

How did time go by so fast already?

“Are you alright?” asked Inej, her brows knit with concern. 

Realizing he must have looked sad, too, Kaz gave her a smile and said, “I’m alright. Just need to go sit outside for a little bit. Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’ll come get you when we’re ready to start the riddles.”

“Thanks,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze before retreating outside without calling Nova. She was having fun with Trassel and he didn’t want to spoil it. 

The outside air did little to quell the emotions stirring inside of him. He didn’t want to be sad, but it was hard not to feel like lead was settling in his heart. Still, he knew the break would do him good and give him the time needed to collect himself and resume the day. He did not want sadness to overshadow it. 

To his surprise, after about five minutes. Nina came outside to find him sitting on the porch swing. 

“Rietveld,” she said, putting on an act of sassiness. 

“Zenik,” he responded. 

“Tired of us already?” she asked, her voice a little higher than usual. 

She’s forcing it. 

“Always,” he joked. “And you? You’re out here with me.”

She smiled then. It was a sad thing, like something you’d show a child who asked if Saint Nicholas really brought toys down chimneys and you couldn’t lie to them anymore. 

“Haven’t you noticed?” she asked, sitting beside him after he nodded his consent. “Last Halloween before college. Last this, last that. Just when we’re getting started.”

Ah. Maybe we’re all thinking it then.

There was understanding between them, at least. “I don’t like it either. I don’t want…” But he couldn’t say anymore. He didn’t want to admit it aloud because then it felt like he was taking something away from Jesper. Jesper couldn’t put his life on hold just for him. None of them could. Even if he only told Nina, it felt wrong. 

“I know,” she answered still, more understanding.

Instead of letting any more silence or awkward confessions fall between them, Kaz cleared his throat and asked, “So, how are things with the Ghafas? I know what Inej has told me and you seem happier at school, but you don’t say much.”

Nina shrugged and said, “Don’t want to jinx a good thing. But yes, I am happier there. They’re good to me. I have my own room and my own clothes that fit and food whenever I want it and someone to talk to if I need. I don’t have to worry about running into creeps in the hallway or being screamed at for something I didn’t do. And… look at me.” She gestured to herself. “They gave me this like I’m one of their own. I have literally nothing to complain about.”

Kaz waited, and when Nina didn’t offer anything else, he said, “...but?”

“But I feel awful.”

“Why? You’re safe and happy with Inej and the Ghafas, right?”

“Yes, but didn’t it happen too easily in the end?”

“What do you mean?”

“After all that time. All those lonely years where I wanted to get out. To find someone who actually gave a shit. I blinked and I was out. But then I see you. I see Wylan and everything you both had to go through to get out. I see Matthias who is still trapped and I… I shouldn't be free in the space of a blink.”

Kaz used his left leg to gently rock the swing, letting them both sway and feel the chill in the air as they thought.

“You weren’t though, were you?” he asked. 

It was her turn to ask, “What do you mean?”

“It took eighteen years for you to get to this point. And throughout those years, you found all of your friends. You found Colm. Then Inej and her family. You don’t have to be in that prison anymore.”

“Yeah, but–”

“You were trapped for longer than I was.”

“That’s hardly the same. I know that. What I went through doesn’t even compare. I may not know everything that happened to you, but I sure as shit know it doesn’t compare. Even what Vlad did to me.”

“But it still happened, and it took a long time, right? I had my family before I went to hell. I have a family now.”

She shrugged, then nodded. “I guess you do have that.”

“So do you.”

“How?” she asked, looking at him. 

“Didn’t you hear me say you found all of us?”

Huffing a laugh, she asked, “How much of this is you and how much of this is Genya?”

Smirking, he said, “Can’t it be both?”

She gave him a mock sneer and said, “I guess.”

“Do you talk to someone? Like I talk to Genya?”

“And burden someone else? Please.”

But Kaz wasn’t going to buy that. Talking to a therapist was not supposed to be burdensome on them. They were there to help, and that was something that he had been coming to understand since the year before. 

“I’m not sure what I would do without Genya. I was so angry that Colm made me go see her at first. Even if she’s a woman, I hated being trapped in a room with a stranger.”

“You were scared.”

“Yes. Scared she would let someone hurt me. Hurt me herself somehow. Use my fear against me. She helped me, though. Helped me understand some of the things I was feeling after what happened to me. I don’t always understand, but I try to remember what she says to me. And, if I can parrot it at one of you then maybe you’ll listen because you all think I’m smart and then I’ll see that it works and decide to follow her advice anyway.”

Nina was laughing now, saying, “This is the weirdest scheme.”

“Is it working?” 

“... Shut up. You are smart, but you should listen to her.”

“So should you.”

“Yes, well. It’s difficult to listen when Matthias is still facing tomorrow. There’s no way his parents don’t find out. We’re never that lucky. He and Astrid are in for it and that’s just tomorrow. That’s not accounting for the rest of the year for him or whatever fresh hell is awaiting Astrid until she finally escapes.”

“Is there really nothing else we can do?” 

“I ask myself every single night. And Matthias is feeling… Off. Guilty. I feel awful even saying any of this without him knowing. I really shouldn’t, but he’s just not himself. He’s depressed and he’s having some kind of crisis. Maybe a crisis of faith? I just don’t want him to end up hurt because if he does he still won’t get out. He’d never leave Astrid behind if he could help it.” 

“Hey!” Inej called from the front door, pulling both of their attention. “Ready for Kaz to kick our asses again?”

Kaz was nearly astonished when he saw the switch that went off in Nina who was suddenly up and bounding toward the door. 

“Like hell! He’s going down and you’re teaming up with me!” 

Inej shot him a sympathetic look, completely unaware of how down Nina had been. He wondered if there were things Nina might have confided in her that she hadn’t said. He hoped for Nina’s sake that she did so that she had a friend to talk to. He understood the need to have someone like that to trust. 

As for Matthias, he’d noticed that he’d been a little more quiet than usual, especially after everything that happened to Wylan. Then there was the car accident which he knew Matthias felt guilty for but they’d all assured him that it was not his fault at all. Kaz knew he’d been quiet himself the week after, so it wasn’t very surprising that Matthias was the same, but he’d remained as he was while Kaz continued to get better.

I should talk to him. I’ve been so focused on Wylan coming to live here and then Colm and the grands being here and Inej’s upcoming show that I haven’t been checking in enough. I already know what Genya would say to that, but I need to check in on my friends, too. They always check on me. 

Kaz looked in through the window and saw Matthias giving Astrid a hug. His eyes were half-lidded and cast to the ground, heavy with melancholy. Yet, he was relaxed, and so was she. Astrid pulled away after a few moments to look at him, silent assurance between the two forming that quickly turned into a play fight between the two as if nothing had happened. 

He seems okay for now. I’ll talk to him later. We’re going to the gym together again soon, anyway. Maybe then?

For now, though, he would put it aside. He had some riddles to answer and fun to have for their last Halloween before becoming adults. 

***

Kaz had tried to rein himself in, but asses had been thoroughly kicked again at the riddle games that were run by each adult. He’d given everyone ample time to try and solve them, the results so off the wall and comical that there were several times when a few of them ended up collapsed on the floor in laughter which Colm didn’t hesitate to film. Only when everyone was completely stumped did he reveal the answers, though he was in close competition with Wylan. The two of them were reigning champions, and everyone’s candy bags were overflowing as were the treat bags for Nova and Trassel. 

While they finished eating a quick snack that was not coated in sugar at Jelani’s and Aoife’s insistence, Colm called out, “Alright, time to get ready to leave, children. Get ready accordingly. We leave in forty-five minutes. That should be enough time, yes?”

“Yes!” they all answered. 

Inej approached Kaz then nervously, pausing before rolling her shoulders back and saying, “I have something for you. Can I show you?”

He finished his last bite of his carrot stick and tossed the paper plate into the trash. “Sure? In my room?”

Nodding, she ran upstairs and waited for him to follow. When he arrived, he found her pulling a bundle wrapped in tissue paper from her bag.

“You don’t have to wear these if you don’t want to. I know that you’re sensitive to fabrics, but I thought these might be soft enough for you. I confirmed your sizes with Colm, so I hope these work out. If not, don’t worry about it at all, please. If you want to wear your costume to the festival like the others, you can.”

“What is it?” he asked, his curiosity now burning. 

“Um, I got these for you,” she said, unwrapping a black kurta set and a black sherwani, embroidered with black feathers like those of a crow. “You’ve seen my papa wear things like this before. They’re for formal occasions or celebrations like today, so if you want to, you can wear these.”

“Seriously?” he asked, reaching for them. 

Blushing, she said, “Only if you want to. Just like before, you wear whatever is comfortable.”

“I’d love to. Bhashe. Hem sheva kadala,” he said quietly, hoping he got the pronunciation right. 

Thank you. It will be fun. 

Yet she couldn’t say anything on account that she was smiling too hard. Though, she figured she should try to come up with something considering he was trying and succeeding at learning her language so well that she was sure her parents might just try to start brokering a future marriage contract. That thought only made her burn red all the brighter. 

“Tá fáilte,” she responded to his thanks in Kaelish. 

Now blushing himself, he said, "I'll go in the bathroom and change?” 

“Okay.”

“Actually… How would you feel if I left my makeup on?”

She quirked an eyebrow, “I’m not opposed at all, but I see that glint in your eye.”

He grinned and said, “Well, last year your cousins had to make a point of saying I was a skeleton. True or not, I figured I'd at least go out of my way to look the part again.”

The sound of her laughter was all the approval he needed. 

***

Kaz could feel how Inej couldn’t take her eyes off of him. The clothes she’d given him were delightfully soft against his skin, form fitting but not too overtly revealing of the shape of his body. They fit him well like his suit, and the effect was the same as Inej smiled softly with her cheeks rosey, drinking him in like she was trying to resist doing so greedily. 

He’d be lying to himself if he tried to deny that she was having the same effect on him. Just as the year before, seeing her in her cultural clothes left him breathless. This year, she wore black lehnga with gold trim, her hair pulled back into a braided coil with golden flower pins adorning it to match. Her ears and wrists were also sporting gold earrings and bangles, that glittered as she moved—her entire existence a kaleidoscope of stars. What surprised him most, however, was that she kept her makeup just like he did, and he found that discovery made him smile all the more. 

He followed her everywhere at the festival, holding her hand as she guided him from stall to stall like she had the year before. She’d stop to pray at certain altars and he’d wait and watch, unsure if he should because it felt like something too intimate for him to witness. 

The looks he got from some of the attendees amused him, the contrast of his Suli clothes and skull makeup making quite the visual clash that he quite liked. There were no outright looks of disapproval except for a few from very elderly people who didn’t approve of the mixture of cultural celebrations, but he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would or might have if this had been a year ago. Inej’s approval was all he wanted at that moment, and he got it. 

The rest of his family certainly got quite a few odd looks, especially when Ejau found it the perfect time to give Eoghan a piggy back ride through the aisles with Aoife and Jelani actively plotting their demise together. Kaz watched in rapt amusement, and Jesper was jumping at the chance to have a turn when Colm swooped in to scold them all. 

“Would you all please behave?! We are guests here!”

“I am behaving!” Eoghan defended himself. “Grandalf needed to be carried by his mummy. He was tired from his journey.”

“... How did you raise me?”

“Vertically.” 

Jesper took that opportunity to measure their heights with his hand again to show that Colm was shorter, saying, “Well, not enough apparently.” 

That earned a tickle attack from Colm that had Jesper squealing on the ground. Kaz shook his head and asked Inej, “Are we going to get kicked out?”

She snorted and said, “Hardly. They’re mild compared to how raucous we can get.”

Kaz supposed that was true, remembering that the Suli definitely knew how to throw a party and celebrate. As long as his family and friends weren’t harming anyone, they would be fine.  

That’s when Kaz started wondering about Inej’s family. So far, they’d still only seen Binsa and Hari who eventually took off to manage upcoming performances. Inej seemed content to keep taking him to different activities like the year before, the activities serving as a distraction that managed to keep her nerves at bay. 

While Kaz was busy making a new set of diyas that he planned on gifting to Colm, Jesper, and the grands, he wondered if he should ask her about them, but she was far too happy for him to risk interrupting that. Well, he could see she was happy, but she’d also look up from her own diya work every so often to look around as if she were afraid someone might pop up and find them. 

By the time they were done with their projects, it was time to start heading over to the performance tent where her family surely was by then. Her parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins were all together and waiting for Inej to arrive and get ready and introduce the boy she’d chosen before getting ready for her big moment.

That big moment was something that Kaz did not want them to ruin, so he wondered if he might try to find a way to delay this meeting until after the show. But then he thought, “better to rip the bandaid off quickly and get it over with.” One less thing on her mind would be good for her focus so long as they didn’t do something to upset her.  

They grabbed a few pieces of bal mithai to nibble as they wandered toward the tent, though Kaz could tell that Inej was taking him the long way. He was thankful for it as he realized that his own nerves were starting to get the better of him, and a few heart palpitations made him wonder if they should stop and sit so Nova could offer them a sense of calm seeing as Nova was looking up at him already. She could always tell when he was off, but before he could say anything, Inej spoke.

“Are you nervous?”

Kaz was tempted to lie to make her feel better, but he figured that would only hurt the both of them in the end, so he confessed. “A little. I’m trying not to be.”

“I’m nervous, too. Just… Remember that my nani, Gillie, is very, um, affectionate. So is my dadi, Kashi. It’s really part of our culture, so they don’t mean anything by it. I’ve already warned them not to, but I guarantee they’re going to forget.” 

Kaz wasn’t very surprised by this. Inej had already warned him about this and he’d seen how physically affectionate the Suli were who worked in her parents’ studio. He’d seen it the previous year during Diwali as well, but it wasn’t something he’d really thought about in depth as it seemed that everyone around him was affectionate with touch one way or another with him as the extreme outlier. He’d only recently taken to the smallest forms of touch and even those moments were strictly regulated by how well he could handle it on a day-by-day basis. 

Now that he gave touch more consideration, he did realize that the Suli seemed to be much more willing to engage in hugs and cheek kisses as greetings while the Kerch tended to be more reserved, settling for handshakes aside from hugs from closer friends or a bit more with romantic partners. 

“Will they be upset with me?” he asked. 

“No, they were very understanding. It’s a force of habit they have and they’ll need to be reminded most likely. Don’t be afraid to, but I’ll step in, too.”

“And the others? Your nani, Tanvi, and dadi, Andrei?”

“My papa’s parents. They’re affectionate as well, but less so with those who are not Suli.”

“Are they going to dislike me because I’m Kerch?”

“Probably. They have always had an issue with my mama and, therefore, me. Considering I’m just like her, I’m not surprised.”

“And they know what happened?”

“To me, yes. Not to you. Nobody does. I would never tell them,” she said hurriedly, worried that he might think the worst of her for spilling secrets that were not hers to spill. 

“I know you wouldn’t. I’m worried about how they treat you, though. Based on your aunt and cousins.”

“They like to blame me for… For being a stereotype. They’re ashamed.”

“Of you? But you didn’t choose what happened to you.”

“It’s an old, complicated wound that the Suli cannot seem to heal from. The way we’re viewed as commodities to be used and that we’re… They hypersexualize us. Then some of my family argue that you and I being together is just as bad considering I’m no longer a virgin, by choice or not. Me dating an outsider makes me promiscuous. It wouldn’t make a difference if I had a steel chastity belt on. They think I’m making a mockery of our culture by dating outside of it and not following all of our traditions. I’m spoiled in their eyes and they can’t wrap their head around the fact that I have a mind of my own just like my mama.” 

“Our newfound virginity is not a topic they should be discussing,” he said, hoping to get at least a smile out of her. 

She rolled her eyes and laughed breathily. “My uncle Zahir is a lot cooler. You saw him perform last year with my papa. You can formally meet him now.”

Inej could see the confused look on his face, so Kaz asked her, “Why did he marry your aunty Daivi?”

Inej laughed again, louder this time and said, “I asked my papa the same thing. He wanted to make their parents proud. My papa was always the wild one but Uncle Zahir was the one to follow the rules more. And Daivi isn’t all bad. She’s devoted to the saints and takes good care of her children even if they are spoiled. She takes good care of Zahir even if her opinions are shit. Maybe I’m making excuses for her.”

“You want to be close to your family. I know I’m not Suli and I don’t understand, but from what you’ve told me, it’s hard to not be close. Right? After everything you’ve all been through.”

“We want to stick together.”

“Is that why they don’t want you to date me? What if I was Suli?”

“They probably wouldn’t mind so much. Like I said, Suli want to stick together. Marrying an outsider has always been frowned upon. It’s like the wind trying to marry the immovable mountain. Our lives have always been fluid, untethered, without borders or sovereigns except those imposed on us. To marry someone who doesn’t understand was seen as dangerous before. We had to protect ourselves and stick together. Families would arrange marriage deals to keep everything within our caravan groups. Even our children of mixed marriages were not considered truly Suli unless the father was Suli himself.”

“That—” Kaz stopped himself, unsure if he was about to say something offensive or not.

“No, go on. I want to hear it.”

“That’ just not how that works, right? If… If you and I had children, they’re part of you. You’re Suli, and that would be part of who they are. Right?”

Blushing beneath her makeup, she said, “That’s my opinion, too. Any child of mine would be Suli. That can’t be erased from our blood. Anyway, our culture has changed with the times and new challenges we face. Our practices have variations depending on where we historically traveled, but much was and is still shared. We don’t really do arranged marriages anymore, though Zahir and Daivi practically were in an arranged marriage since her family were friends with mine. My papa just happened to meet my mama and they fell in love fast and hard. Both families came from the old acrobatics trades, so it wasn’t something my papa’s parents could really complain about. What they could and did complain about was that my mama always had an opinion she wasn’t afraid to share.”

He laughed. “I like that.”

“I also know that they most certainly did not wait until marriage to be together in… in that way.”

Kaz had to think on her meaning for a moment, and then he blushed bright red. He was nearly surprised until he reminded himself of the conversation he’d had with Colm when he’d learned what proper sex was. “Oh.”

“So… Despite the truth of what happened to me, their old ideas about purity color their view. So do the horrible things that the rest of the world believes about us. They’re protective of all of our people, and I get it. They don’t want anyone to see us as less than, and because of that, they put an unfair burden on me. It’s all so unfair and my papa does not stand for it. If they say something again, we’ll tell him immediately. He’ll take care of it. Okay?” 

“Right. Um, your parents don’t mind that I’m not Suli?”

“Not at all. They’ve never been of the belief that I need to find a Suli boy. In fact, I think my mama might be a little happy you’re Kerch because it riles up my nani Tanvi all the more.”

Kaz chuckled and said, “Glad to be of service.” 

They rounded the corner then, and the grand tent came into view. Inej stopped, staring up at it, and he could see her stature starting to wilt as soon as a woman with a sour look stepped outside and began to watch her.

“There’s Nani Tanvi. Great.”

“Hey,” he said, bumping her hand with his while ignoring the thundering in his own heart. “You can do this. And I’m here with you.”

We love each other. We’re here for each other. Just like Jesper and Wylan said.

Nodding, she rolled her shoulders back and said, “Well, then. Let’s get this over with.”

To their great fortune, another woman emerged from the tent, her smile the same bright one that Inej had when she was elated. She moved lithely and speedily toward them while more people, including Binsa and Hari, trailed out of the tent to follow after her. Despite the new look of happiness on Inej’s face, Kaz could still see the nervous tension in her shoulders. 

“Inej!” She shouted excitedly, scooping her into a loving but tight hug. She caught Kaz’s eye over her shoulder, saying, “Oh my goodness, this is your boy? Oh, he is adorable!"

When she moved toward him, it caused Kaz to take a startled step back. Binsa quickly stepped in to remind her that Kaz does not hug.

"Oops, I'm sorry. Force of habit. I like to love on everyone. Now, you let me know when I'm allowed to love on that puppy." She leaned just a little closer, nodding sharply behind her and said, "But don't count on the bitter bitch over there wanting anything to do with her."

"Nani!” Inej quietly but forcefully admonished while Hari closed his eyes and cringed. 

"Am I wrong?!"

"Before you cause a scene, let me at least meet the boy," her dadi Kashi approached and said, "Hello, it's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you," said Kaz, proud of himself for being able to speak so loudly despite his nerves being on fire. Nova’s body braced against his kept him calm, and he fully planned on giving her a few extra treats as a thank you. 

Then, to his surprise, Kashi leaned in next and said, "But she's not wrong. Pray to the saints for strength and just remember that you don't have a stick jammed so far up your ass that you taste bitter wood like she does."

Both Kaz and Inej paled slightly from the joke, with Kaz's hand clumsily reaching for Nova's head to steady himself again and feel her ears between his fingers.  

Hari cringed again and said, “And with that, we’re going to the tent. Kaz, I’ll show you where you can sit with Colm and your friends. How’s that sound?”

“Are we not getting introductions?” came a voice that sounded like microwaved honey. 

Nani Tanvi approached, wearing red lehenga that complemented her still lovely features that were only dulled by her contemptuous expression. Beside her was her husband, Andrei.

Binsa sighed with a smile on her face and said, “Yes, this is Kaz, Mama.” 

Kaz was sure she was about to vomit from calling the woman “mama”, but he managed to keep a straight face. He bowed his head politely and said, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hmm,” Tanvi said. She looked him up and down, eyebrows furrowing unpleasantly when she looked at his makeup and the makeup on Inej. "Interesting choice of attire."

"I think he looks wonderful,” said Inej, a bit of fire returning to her eyes. 

“As do I, Mama,” said Hari. “It’s nice of him to share his Kaelish culture with us.”

Kaz looked up sharply, but before he could say anything, Andrei spoke. 

“I thought he was Kerch?”

“He lives in a Kaelish household, so he’s honorary Kaelish. We accept all cultures here, don’t we?” 

“I can see that,” said Andrei, looking toward a stall that was selling candies in classic Halloween shades with ghost cutouts dangling from the awning. 

“Anyway, I have to get ready now. Papa, I’ll show Kaz where to go, alright? Colm is going to meet us in a few minutes, anyway.”

“Alright. See you soon.”

Inej was ready to drag Kaz away then, and he gladly followed her. While the meeting hadn’t gone terribly, his skin was already crawling from the annoying looks of disapproval when he’d done nothing wrong to slight any of them. It wasn’t as easy to overlook as it had been earlier with strangers. He’d liked Binsa’s parents at least, and he wouldn’t mind talking to them later after the show. 

Just not now. Somewhere quieter without the others there. At least that wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it might be. Jesper and Wylan were right, and Inej seems just fine and… Oh for fuck’s sake. 

That’s when Kaz caught sight of the cousins from the year before. They were inside the tent, wearing unitards and warming up for their own performances they’d be doing that year as jugglers which was a last minute addition to the plans. Kaz wondered if they couldn’t stand the idea of Inej having the spotlight on her again. 

One of them, Anaya, glowered at him, dripping with judgement just like the year before. She seemed angry that she had to look at him again, but instead of turning away, she kept on sneering and looking between him and Inej. Then the other, Eneya, while still sporting a sour look, let her eyes run over him in a way that he didn't quite expect.

"Why is she looking at me like that? The one with the fishtail braid."

It took Inej all of two seconds to see that there was a guilty appreciation, a look that might suggest a budding crush now that he had grown into his body to fill out his new clothes. 

She snorted and led him to benches in the front row and motioned for him to sit down with Nova. "She thinks you're attractive."

"What?!" He said, disbelieving.

"She thinks you're cute. She's not wrong."

"After what she said about me last year? Seriously?!"

“I know that look when I see it. Don’t be afraid, she won’t do anything to hurt you.”

“I know, it’s just… Why?!” he whispered loudly.

“Tall, dark, and mysteriously handsome. She can’t stand that I have something that makes me happy that she can’t take for herself.”

That’s when Kaz noticed the two cousins starting to approach, but instead of becoming nervous or upset, an idea crossed his mind.  Considering his makeup, Kaz gave them both a devilish smile, flashing his white teeth as he reached for Inej's hand.  He didn't know how fun it could be watching someone become so mad. Then, just before they said something rude, Kaz looked down at Nova. 

“Drantaigh,” he said. 

Growl.

Nova bared her teeth, looking at the two girls and growling low and menacingly. Inej started laughing as she turned and gave the horrified girls a wave. 

“Hello!” she called out sweetly. 

The two girls turned away, thinking better of trying to approach again. He was sure Anaya was leaving the tent then to tell her mother what had happened while Eniya pouted and went back to practicing her routine. 

Nova stopped growling then, and Kaz slipped her a treat for being so perfect and learning that word so quickly while Inej looked at him incredulously. 

“What?” he asked. “Just because she likes skeletons now doesn’t mean I’m going to be nice.”

Still laughing, Inej said, “No bones about it.”

It was Kaz’s turn to look at her incredulously, saying, “That was horrible.” 

When her laughter subsided, she looked toward the back of the tent where the changing rooms were, but she seemed reluctant to go. He reached for her hands, carefully taking them in his and pulling her attention to him. 

She looked into his eyes, then looked down to the floor. “Next time you see me, I’ll be ready to climb that ladder. “

“You’re going to be amazing.”

“How can you be sure?”

He rubbed her hands with his thumb, trying to ground her and reassure her that he was there. 

“Because your heart has been searching for this for so long. I can see it in your eyes whenever you look at a wire or a silk or some other apparatus that would kill me if I tried it.”

She giggled, reminding him, “You did just fine on the silks that day last year.”

“Because you helped me. You were amazing that day, too. You came alive on those silks. You come alive every time you show me something that you can do. You love it, and it makes you happy. So when you get up on that wire, you’re going to come alive all over again.”

She smiled then, thinking on his words before offering, “You know, there is a Suli saying. ‘The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.’” 

“What does it mean?”

“I think it’s what you’re trying to tell me in some way. It’s what my papa always told me growing up when I was learning to walk the wire. To know where I wanted to go before I got there. My heart might have known before I even knew.”

He squeezed her hands again, looking into the dark obsidian moons they formed against the shadow of the lights behind her. 

“You’re going to fly.”

***

“And you? What’s your favorite?”

“Hmmm. I think… Rhododendrons.”

“Rhododendrons?”

“They have a lot of colors, and they grow near forests and ravines and on hills. I used to see paintings of Suli caravans traveling near those hills that were covered in those flowers. They represent faith and prosperity. Our people never needed a lot. Just an open road and an easy heart. I’d love to try traveling like that at least once. Leave all the worries and bullshit behind, you know?”  

An open road and an easy heart. 

Two simple wants, but two things that were historically denied to the Suli. Every road was a possibility to be traveled, to see over the Sikurzoi Mountains, through the plains covered in wildflowers in the spring, along the coastal roads along the True Sea to the Isevee… Yet every destination and journey would have a road block. Locals would tell them they were no good, too inferior, cursed by the saints and worthless with no permanent place to call home. Yet they were coveted for their beauty and the mystery wrapped around their misunderstood beliefs and ways of life. They were things to be exploited until deemed an inconvenience.

Inej was just another victim in that long tradition, but she’d broken it. Her kohl-lined eyes staring back at her from the mirror were full of fire, fear, anxiety, and excitement. They were full of a life that had been growing toward the sun, ready to bloom for all the world to see on her own terms. 

She stepped back, taking in the sight of her body wrapped in a black and gold unitard that she’d chosen to match her earlier garments. The gold sparkled in the lamp light, glittering like specks of sunlight. She bounced on her toes, feeling the comfortable grip of her rubber slippers. Everything felt like it fit together, more perfect than a puzzle piece.   

So why am I still so afraid? 

“Inej?”

Papa. 

“Come in.”

Hari met her gaze in the mirror, his smile soft and kind and immediately calming. She  turned to him, trying not to focus on the increasing sounds of the murmuring crowd outside.  

“Ready?” asked Hari, his hands on her shoulders, stabilizing her and offering a balm to her nerves. 

She breathed out shakily, nodding while trying to convince herself that she was and for her feet to not feel so numb. 

“I think so.”

“You’re going to be wonderful.”  

There were a thousand doubts she wanted to voice so she could argue with him, but she let them die on her tongue before they could pass her lips. She would not speak her fears into creation. She would instead hold her head as high as she could, wait for her cues, and do as she knew how. 

But when Hari went to take his place, she felt herself falter. Hugging herself, she stood with her eyes closed, breathing in and out, naming things she could hear, could smell, could feel, could taste. Then she went to the curtain, peeked out to find things she could see: Zahir and Hari going over last-minute preparations, the light from the outside spilling through the tent opening, the final members of the audience trickling in, and then… 
Her breath caught. She found Kaz, still sitting in the front row but now surrounded by their friends, her mama, and his family on his sides and behind him with Nova between his legs, a bouquet of rhododendrons in his hands. 

For me? 

For the only girl who loves the bursts of color on the hills where Suli caravans would wander, a promise of faith and of a prosperity her heart was already impossibly full with. 

And then the swell of music sounded, her papa addressing the crowd with a pride in his voice he hadn’t heard in so long. Pride, and relief. Relief for a life resuscitated. Relief for a life well-loved. 

“You’re going to fly.

Before she knew it, she was in her place below the ladder, ready to make the ascent to the wire. She took one last look at Kaz, found his eyes and held them for an extra moment before turning around. She felt the memory of the shape of his hands in hers, anchoring her to the earth but not demanding that she stay. There was life in them – a life encouraging her to look upward and to demand more than the tethers of gravity. For too long they had been beaten down, on the verge of being shoved beneath the dirt as nameless bones. Now, they stood above ground on their own two feet, breathing as one and feeling their warmth.

She looked up, the platform high above her was a small, gray square where the wire awaited. It was her bridge to the sky. 

“You’re going to fly.”

Before she flew, she had to climb. The first few rungs came with ease despite needing to force herself to move beneath the blinding heat of the lights and excited murmurs of the crowd. Rung after rung, she climbed, hand then foot, then hand again, but she felt her body start to shake – a leaf holding on in the face of unforgiving wind.

I can do this. I am not dead. I am alive, and I will not fall.

Climb, Inej. Climb.

But she was nervous, and her foot nearly slipped. She caught herself, pausing for a minute and hearing the music fade and distort in her ears. She looked up at the platform. How far was it? Twenty feet? Thirty? No…

“You’re going to fly.” 

From the moment she looked at herself in the mirror that day, makeup in place to match the skeleton boy beside her, she knew in her bones that this was going to be her day. The stitching marks along her forehead and cheeks, across her collar bones and arms– pieces of herself sewn back together after having had her soul torn apart.  

The day she’d moved from Ketterdam had been just another one in a series of endless, miserable days. It had been nearly two months since she was found beaten and bloody on the floor of that basement, just another Suli girl doomed to die and be lost to the harbor before the next victim would be found for her monsters. What good was moving to a new town? It wasn’t going to erase the terror she’d survived for so long. It wasn’t going to erase the cruel judgment from her own family. 

But she’d met Nina who had shown her kindness when all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and never be seen again. Then Jesper, Wylan, and Matthias had taken one look at her and brought her into their fold as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Like she was just another missing puzzle piece that they needed to perfect their not so picture-perfect life but a blessed life all the same. Then…

Kaz. 

She looked out at him over her shoulder for the briefest moment, finding his eyes somehow even within the black sockets of his makeup. That skeleton boy holding flowers she’d met just over a year before had been the one to see her clearest of all even though neither could comprehend why. He’d seen right through her shadows to the dregs of light that might yet spark inside of her. The boy who, once he saw her, had understood how to keep seeing her.  

I thought I was a ghost. I thought I’d died on the floor of that basement, but he found me. 

“I can help you.”

They all found me. I found me. 

She had to remind herself that she’d already been flying. She just needed to beat her wings a little harder, a little faster, just a little more and she’d be higher than she’d ever been. Every new feat and milestone was a feather sewn back in her wings.  

For so long, she hadn’t been able to bear the thought of returning to performing. Even now with the crowd at her back, she could feel their eyes on her. Thousands of gazes turned to watch her do impossible things with her body for their entertainment. It felt dangerous, but something about that word sent a thrill through her blood. 

No net. No hands. No eyes unless I want them here. I choose to walk. I choose to fall. I choose to fly. Nobody else but me. 

She’d been so ashamed before of what had happened to her, of what she’d done to survive. It had stolen her will to speak of it to her parents until it was too late. There was no forgiveness to give because the wrong was never hers, and yet she liked to think that they had, in some way, offered her absolution for having not been strong enough in her eyes. For not having had the courage to fight back harder and show them the real claws she had buried inside of her all along. Forgive her for not having been able to forgive herself for so long. 

Climb, Inej. 

The muscles in her legs were still shaking with invisible tremors, and every breath was one of effort as she kept her eyes on that gray square. If she gave up, she’d been giving up for all of them – for her parents, for Nina and Matthias, for Jesper and Wylan, and for Kaz. For herself. She couldn't do that. 

I won’t. I will not fall. 

She could feel her father at the top on the other side of the wire waiting for her. He’d taught her to climb, to trust the wire, the swing, the silk, to trust in her own skill, to believe that if she leapt she would reach the other side. Even when he hadn’t been perfect and had been drowning in his own guilt, he was there in the ways he could be before he, too, climbed ashore. Climbed out to fly again beside her.

I’m going to fly.  

She was not a lynx or an object to be used for the pleasure of others. She was not a forgotten whisper of a memory at the bottom of the harbor or tossed away into an unmarked grave. She was not a frightened mouse or a hidden shadow. She was Inej Ghafa, and her life was her own.

And my future is waiting above. 

***

She was so… So cool. 

The Diwali festival had come to a close, and Colm was driving Kaz, Jesper, Wylan, and Nova home to prepare for their final big event for the night. Kaz was, of course, looking forward to it, but his mind was still entranced by what he’d seen already. 

When she’d come out, he could see the way her steps were unsure even if the audience around him couldn’t. She found his eyes multiple times, and he hoped at the time that he was offering her some sort of comfort. He was fully confident that she was going to be outstanding and wished that she could believe it herself. And then, the higher she climbed, the more sure of herself she became. She was a fledgling falling in reverse, and then she was aloft. 

After that, he was quite sure that Inej Ghafa was the most dazzling person he’d ever laid eyes on, a beacon among all the darkness that they’d crawled their way out of. The wire was like just another floor to her, a castle in the sky she conquered as if it were nothing at all. He was quite sure he was falling in love with her all over again and that his heart just might burst by the time she finished her routine and returned to earth and his mortal self. 

For once, the thunderous applause had not startled him for he was too lost in the pure elation and peace on her face as she took her bows, returning to the back to change for the rest of the festival after accepting the flowers he’d had Colm hide for that moment.  

And the way she danced was just like the year before, just like their winter formal where he did his best to stand close to her and keep up. This time, she was able to hold his hands and dance with him very slowly before he sat down like before, copying what he could and otherwise just enjoying being near her. 

His reverie, however, was soon cut short by a sudden outburst. 

“Oh, look at that house!” said Jesper, pointing down an upcoming lane leading to a house on their way home that was entirely decked out in Halloween decor. He was surprised to see a few straggling teenagers prancing away from the front door with newly acquired candy in their bags. 

“Woah,” said Wylan.

“Can we go? I want to have…” Jesper paused, nearly unable to voice the thought he just had. Still, he found his heart and pressed on. “I just want one more trick or treat before I go to college. Is that okay?”

Colm was quiet for a moment as he pulled over, his voice softly saying, “Sure, we can go. Just let me text your grandparents so they know where we are. They might beat us home and I don’t want them to worry.”

“Is that okay, Kaz? I know you don’t want to go up to the house, but do you mind if we go?”

Kaz looked out at the house, the lights flickering and the sounds of witches cackling carrying over the wind. It wasn’t so unlike how they’d decorate the farm or the things he heard the year before during the haunted jurda ride. 

What would happen if I go? Jesper and Wylan are going, so shouldn’t I? I should be there if something happens, right? But nothing will. Nothing will happen, and… Today was a day for new beginnings, right? One last “everything” before it all changes. But no… This will be a first again. And I want to go with Jesper. 

“I want to go.”

“Really?!” said Jesper excitedly, spinning around to look at him while he got comically lost in the awkward folding of his taco costume. He pushed it down from his face and said, “You’re sure?!”

“Yes. We can go.”

Jesper had nearly fallen out of the car in his excitement as the others followed. He lead the way with Wylan while Kaz trailed with Nova and Colm, taking in all of the decorations and making sure everything was still fake. He’d take animatronic werewolves and fake gravestones any day over a real person lurking in the dark. Well, except Colm’s employees who he hired to dress up for their antics the year before. As long as Colm approved of everything, he knew they were all safe and going to be just fine. 

Once they were at the door, Jesper turned to Kaz and asked, “Do you want to knock?”

Surprised, Kaz said, “You don’t want to?”

“I want you to try if you want to!”

“Um…” He turned back to look at Colm for reassurance, and he nodded with his usual gentle smile in place. “Okay.”

Kaz knocked on the door, feeling his knees start to sway a little as he heard sounds from the inside. His hands were starting to sweat, and his breathing hitched until Nova put her snout on his leg, looking up at him. Then, the door opened, and he nearly jumped back but resisted as he saw her tail wagging excitedly. 

He looked up just in time to see an older woman with a bowl of candy, joining Jesper and Wylan in saying, “Trick or treat.” 

Even though he was definitely relieved to see that the home owner was an elderly woman and not the usual monster he had to face, he knew better than to not be wary. It was hard for him to not be on his guard, looking around while keeping her in the corner of his eye if he needed to turn his head. More relief came when he saw that Nova’s tail still wagged, and Colm hadn’t changed his expression or stance at all. 

Jesper was more than happy to put on a show for the woman, twirling to show off his glorious taco body while Wylan shook his head and giggled. The woman had loved every second of it, dropping a handful of candy into each of their bags. 

Then she looked at Kaz, his hands still shaking a little as he tried to hold his bag out without dropping his cane. She smiled sweetly. 

“Hello, and who are you and your lovely dog?”

He took a deep breath and quietly said, “Jack Skellington and Zero.”

“Oh, I love that movie! Nightmare Before Nachtspel is one of my favorites. I love your creativity. Can I give you some candy?”

He nodded, lifting his bag a little higher, and the woman watched his hands and slowly dropped the candy into his bag. 

“You all have a wonderful night.”

“You, too!” chorused Jesper and Wylan as she shut the door. 

I did it. That’s one more experience I got to take back. I can’t wait to tell Inej.