Chapter Text
It was, surprisingly quick, how fast you came to consciousness from your peaceful slumber.
You're comfortably warm. There was a gentle breeze that blew by. The scent of nature surrounds you. The grass under you is soft, some blades of it touching your bare skin feeling like razors across your skin.
You're entire body goes stiff. You stop breathing.
You don't want to open your eye.
You don't want to look around.
You don't want to see where you are.
You can't. You wont, you wont, you wont. This is just another dream, another nightmare. Its not real. The scents, the sensations- it was just your mind playing tricks on you! Soon, you'll hear Isabeau calling your name, gently shaking you awake- touching you, because he knows you don't mind it, and no longer thinks of you as a creature too disgusting to touch.
You'll open your eye, and see the roof of your shared tent, or the roof of some random tavern room. You'll look around to see you're surrounded by your family, in a town that isn't Dormont.
Petronille will even be there! Because- because you're traveling with her now, because you're free from the loops, and no longer stuck in Dormont, and you're definitely not lying in that stupid blinding field right now, of course not!!! This- this wasn't real!!! Someone must've opened a window, and the scent triggered you into another flashback, which is why everything feels the same as that blinding field! Yeah, thats it!!!
There was no way you were back in your loops, after all!!!
It wouldn't even make sense- after all, you broke them! You fulfilled everyone's wish, including your own! Even the King got his blinding wish! You're traveling with your family, far from Dormont! Everything's fine, everyone's happy, everything's peaceful, Vaugarde is recovering from the King's attack, and you're recovering from the loops. You're out of the loops!!!
You're out of the loops!
You're out of the blinding loops!!!
Ha, ha, ha! You repeated it three times, so, wish craft- the Universe- MUST hear you! It should answer your wish! Not that it matters much, because you know you were out, you know you broke them, you know you don't have the wish craft power to loop again. You don't need to wish again~! You're wish has already come true~!!!
Slowly, so slowly, you open your eye...
...you're greeted by an all too familiar sky.
Your throat is tight. You don't want to look around, but you have to, you have to. You have to confirm- even if every part of you knows exactly where you are right now. You turn your head to the side and look around.
The trees- the grass- this clearing-
You can't breath.
You grip the ground under your palms, uprooting grass from the ground. You frantically start looking around, but really, you don't need to. You know exactly where you are.
You sit up. The world spins, everything is going fuzzy and dark and you can't see clearly but thats fine because you don't need to see to imagine it because you've woken up in this blinding field for several months of your life that you thought you were done with but apparently you're back here but thats fine because this wasn't real and this was all just a dream and you'd wake up surrounded by your family somewhere else in Vaugarde or Poteria or Mwudu or Ka Bue or wherever the stars you were because you aren't back in the loops or in Dormont and you weren't in this field this was just your mind playing tricks on you another episode another flashback and this wasn't real!!!
You wrap your arms around yourself, forcing yourself to feel something other than the ground underneath you. You grip yourself tightly. Pain!!! Pain would ground you!!! Pain would pull you from this!!! All you have to do is feel pain, and that would be the quickest way to confirm this wasn't real!!!
You tighten your grip on yourself, pulling and pinching skin. It wasn't enough, it wasn't enough!!! You raise an arm up and bite yourself as hard as you can. Ow!
...you're still here.
You're still here.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no nonono NO-
YOU CAN'T BE BACK HERE, YOU CAN'T!!! YOU WERE FREE, YOU WERE HAPPY, YOU WERE GETTING BETTER!!! YOU WERE WITH YOUR FAMILY!!! YOU SAVED VAUGARDE AND BROKE THE LOOPS AFTER TALKING TO YOUR FAMILY!!! ITS BEEN MONTHS- ALMOST A YEAR SINCE YOUR LAST LOOP!!! YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN COUNTING!!! YOU HAVEN'T BEEN BACK TO DORMONT SINCE, AND HAD NO PLANS TO CHANGE THAT!!! YOU CAN'T BE HERE, YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T-
Did you make a wish?!? No, of course you didn't- you would never wish again!!! Ever since your loops, you've been way too aware of each of your habits, in case it was wish craft. You vowed to never wish again, no matter what. So, you know, you know you wouldn't ever make a wish again. You would never wish to be back here.
Why are you here, then?!? Why are you back here, what did you do to get sent back here?!?
Did you never actually escape??? Did- did you die?!? Did one of your family members die?!? Did that send you back?!?!?! That- thats the only thing you can think of, the only thing that even makes a marginal amount of sense. But- but- but NONE of this makes sense!!! You shouldn't be back here, you shouldn't, you shouldn't!!!
You need- you need to find out why you looped back. You- you need to confirm that this is real. You need...
You need to talk to Loop.
After all, if you looped, if you're back here, then- Loop must also be here too, right? They'll probably yell at you, blame you for looping again and bringing them back from- from wherever they disappeared to, but- but you need to talk to them. You need to find out how and why you're back here. You need to figure out how to leave. And, preferably, to go back to your family! To go back to where you were!!! You don't want to do everything all over again!!!
Shakily, you stand up, stumbling over yourself. Your entire body is shaking and unstable. You feel sick, looking at your surroundings. Stars did you not miss this field. Did you never want to see it again. Not that your mind was that nice to you, but- but at least you woke up from your nightmares!!! At least you would be pulled from your flashbacks!!!
But- hey! Maybe this WAS still a dream!!! Maybe this WAS all a flashback, and your family just wasn't around to pull you out of it!!! Maybe you will wake up, with them, back on your journey exploring Ka Bue!!! None of this was real, it was just your mind playing tricks on you!!! Yeah!!!
Who CARES that this feels way too blinding real? Who CARES that you had way more control over yourself right now than you typically did in those dreams? Who CARES that this was too different for you to fully believe that this wasn't actually happening right now???
Everything will be fine~! You'll wake up, and be back with your family~!!! Nothing happening right now was real, and you'd be brought back to reality soon~!!!
You stumble your way through the field, in the direction of Dormont. Your arms are wrapped tightly around yourself, hidden under your cloak. You grip your arms tightly.
You see Mirabelle approaching you. Makes sense- you were taking quite a while. You take a breath in~, and out~! Don't want to say something that will get you slapped again~!!!
You put on your best fake smile as you approach her, Mirabelle stopping as she looks at you, brows slightly furrowed. You don't think too much about it.
"Hey Mira! Have you thought about doing a sleepover tonight?" You want to throw up just saying that all too familiar phrase, but you swallow it down.
Her eyes widen for a moment. "H-how did you know-"
Huh, not her normal response, but you were a bit out of practice. Besides, your dreams never were exactly right. Just further proof that you'd wake up soon~!
"I'll go tell everyone! I'll talk to you later, Mira!" You manage out, before quickly walking past her. You need to see Loop. You need to confirm that this is just a dream, a flashback, not blinding real.
"W-wait- Siffrin!!!" Mirabelle calls out to you, and grabs onto your shoulder.
...she... grabs your shoulder? She... touches you?
You blink, staring at her hand.
You wait for it. For her to call out reassurances to you. For her voice to cut through your hallucination, for the world to start fading back into reality, for you to wake up from this nightmare.
"Siffrin... how did you know thats what I was going to ask you about?" She asks instead.
You wait...
...but nothing changes.
Her hand on your shoulder is warm, almost grounding. Almost. It feels real- so real. As if it is her grabbing your shoulder, to pull you from this flashback. But- but her line doesn't make sense. The scene doesn't change. Everything is... still the same. You're still-
"I-I have to go," You choke out, shoving her hand off of you before bolting away.
You need to see Loop. You need to talk to them. You have to figure out what's going on.
Who knows- maybe thats when the nightmare will start!!! Thats when you'll start seeing the bloodied corpses of your friends, when their illusions will repeat your worst fears and insecurities!!! Then- then it'll end!!! And you'll wake up!!! And you WONT be in Dormont and you WONT be in the loops and everything will be FINE and this will all have been just a really weird and scarily realistic dream and everything will go back to normal-
You nearly run into Isabeau- literally.
The world is spinning, and you can barely see. Your breathing is erratic, but you swallow and try to steel yourself enough to get past Isabeau.
"Woah- Sif? Are you okay??? What happened???"
You want to latch onto his words, to let them bring you back to reality and out of here, but- but you know Isabeau, you know what he says when you're having these moments, and that- that wasn't-
You can't breath, you can't breath, you can't blinding breath!!!
You run past him. Through your blurry vision, you see it- the Favour Tree. Your only safe haven in all your loops, the only place you could drop the act and take a breath. You run to it, stumbling and nearly tripping as you reach the base of it.
You look at the roots where you and Loop would sit. You notice the lack of their presence.
"L-Loop?!?" Your voice cracks as you call out. You can't tell how loud you're being. You wait, but they're taking too blinding long to come out.
"Loop!!! Please- we need to talk!!!" You call out, louder this time. Your voice is unsteady, but you don't care. You just need to see them, to know you aren't alone.
"Loop???" You frantically look around, but you don't see them anywhere. Not here, not up in the branches, not creeping behind you-
Loop isn't here.
Loop isn't-
Thats fine. This is fine. Why would you need Loop anyway? This wasn't real, after all~! You'd wake up from this and be out of the loops and with your family, like you were supposed to~! Why would Loop be here to help you with a silly little nightmare~?
[So paranoid and needy, stardust~!!! Can't you do anything on your own?]
The Loop voice in your head was right. You're an adult, you can handle your own nightmares. No matter how terrible and awful and sick they made you feel. It was fine, because this wasn't real. Whatever happens, you'll deal with it, and then you'll wake up, and be with your family, and everything will be fine, and none of this would have mattered because it isn't blinding real.
Who cares if you're shaking right now? If you can't get your breathing to calm down? If you can't see clearly? That doesn't matter~! This doesn't matter~!
Even if, no matter how hard you grip yourself, digging your fingers into your skin painfully, this vision wasn't going away? Even, despite everything you've tried, you aren't waking up?
"SIF!!!" "SIFFRIN!!!"
The sounds of your family's voices make you turn to look at them. You aren't sure what expression you're making, but it makes them pause.
Oh, this must be it! The part of the nightmare where they say their insults, where they stab your heart with the most cutting words they can! You watch them, and wait. The pain from your grip on yourself does nothing to calm you down. Does nothing to wake you up.
Isabeau and Mirabelle both walk up to you- carefully, cautiously. As if they're approaching a wild, rabid animal. They basically are, you think.
"Hey, Sif, whats going on?" Isabeau asks with a gentle but shaky smile.
That wasn't his line. Isa never said that to you, not here, not like this, and not to pull you from your flashbacks. This wasn't right, this wasn't right, this wasn't blinding right!!!
"Siffrin, do you... remember?" Mirabelle carefully asks.
Remember? No, no, no- that was the King's line, not Mira's. Why was Mira asking you if you remember??? Was your memory of the loops getting all mixed up now, too?!? The one thing you blinding remembered, fading away from you?!?!?! No, no, no!!! This wasn't right!!!!!!
You tighten your grip on yourself. Your throat feels tight. You can't breath. Everything feels bad and awful and weird and wrong, and yet so blinding real.
Wake up, Siffrin! This isn't real, just wake up!!! Wake up wake up wake up wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup-
"AH-" You freeze as someone grabs your shoulders. You blink, and blink again, looking up at Isabeau.
Isa!!! Isa's here, he's waking you up, he's snapping you from this flashback- everything would be okay now!!! Because- because you're getting woken up now!!!
"Sif, breath with me?"
Yes!!! That was correct- thats what he told you to do!!! You nod a bit eagerly, desperate to be out of this nightmare. He takes an exaggerated breath in, and you follow as best as you can. You push the air out your lungs as he breaths out.
In, and out.
In, and out.
In, and out...
It feels like forever before you're able to breath on your own again, before you're able to at least somewhat calm down. You're still shaking, your stomach aches and you have to swallow the bile in your throat, but you can at least breath now.
"Feeling better?" Isabeau asks you gently. You nod.
"A l-little," you manage out. You close your eye, and focus on Isabeau's touch on your shoulders. A grounding touch, fitting for a rock type, you've always thought. Something to bring you back to reality, out of that blinding nightmare.
Stars, did your mind have to scare you like that?!? You've had some pretty bad nightmares and flashbacks, but this one may have been the worst one yet.
"Lets sit down, okay? I think we need to, uh, talk, and explain some things..." Isabeau gently nudges you back. You open your eye and furrow your brow, but don't resist.
Explain? What would he need to explain? You're the one who had a flashback, and he and Odile have already told you about flashbacks, you don't think he needs to explain it again.
You feel something touch your legs, and he gently pushes you down to sit. You follow, hands falling down to rest on the seat...
...of wood???
You look down.
...You're sitting on a tree root.
You look up. You recognize the branches of the Favor Tree. Dormont's Favor Tree.
You want to throw up.
"IS FRIN OKAY?!?" You hear a familiar voice shout. You look over to see Bonnie, running towards you, Isabeau, and Mirabelle. Odile is trailing behind them, jogging but not bothering with running. Bonnie seems concerned, and Odile looks stressed, you note.
...you notice the backdrop is still Dormont.
Isabeau is sitting across from you- where Loop would sit- and Mirabelle is sat next to him.
"Uh- I think we have to explain some things to him, first," Isabeau answers. Mirabelle nods.
"I-I think he remembers..." She adds. Bonnie stops in front of the three of you, and gives you a wide-eyed stare.
"Frin- you remember?!?" They ask. You blink. Remember? Remember what???
Being out of these blinding loops?!? Oh yes, you remember!!!
Oh, STARS, DID YOU DRAG THEM THROUGH A LOOP SOMEHOW?!? DID YOU RUIN EVERYONE'S PERFECT ENDING, AND DRAG THEM ALL BACK HERE AGAIN?!?!?! NO, NO, NO-
Bile rises in your throat.
"Siffrin did get a new memory, it appears," Odile says, catching up to the rest of you. Bonnie scurries to sit next to you, looking between you and everyone else.
A new memory??? What?!?
"Yeah, but we should probably explain everything to him first before we get into all that? They don't seem to be taking this too well, right now..." Isabeau speaks up. Odile glances at you, and you see her expression soften slightly. Though, she still seems tired. She relents, and sits on the other side of Bonnie.
What?
"Okay, Siffrin. This is a lot to explain, and we'll try to explain it as best as we can, but... we don't really know why this is going on? We're in the process of trying to figure it out, but, if you need to take a moment, let us know? It's a lot to take in, but! We know some things! And we're GOING to figure out more!!! But, we're going to do it, together! Because! Thats! What! Friends! Do!!!" Mirabelle starts. You can tell shes trying to reassure herself, as well.
What...?
"This is just Frin's first loop, Belle. He'll be fine," Bonnie mutters.
...what...
"People react to things differently, Bonbon. Just look at all of us. We're all coping with it differently, even now. And none of us reacted very well when we first looped. It makes sense that he'd probably panic," Isabeau gently chastises.
...
"Are we going to explain it to Siffrin or not?" Odile raises a brow. Isabeau clears his throat.
"Right, yes! So, Siffrin, what just happened- you woke up, back in Dormont, after talking to the Head Housemaiden, right? And she said something was broken, something was-"
Failing, rotting...
"-and then you woke up, well, yesterday?"
You stare at him. You can't move. He hesitates, but decides to continue.
"W-well, we uh, aren't exactly sure why, but... we've all been looping in time. Well, all of us, except you. I don't know why you're suddenly remembering, but-! Maybe you can help us, now! Or, at least, we won't accidentally make you feel left out? Like... we've been accidentally doing?"
You blink at him.
They're... looping through time? But-
"I-its not like we meant to, Siffrin! It's just... we don't know whats going on. Its hard, to try to explain it to you every loop, so we... stopped? Trying? A-and since everyone else remembers, its a lot easier to just talk to each other, to try to figure out what to do next, and it results in... you getting left out. We'll be sure to explain everything to you now, of course! It'll be nice, to have a new opinion on everything! But, we just, don't know what to do..." Mirabelle slumps, clearly worn out.
"Yeah! We all thought it was the Change God blessing us at first, but then we beat the crabbing King and- and we still ended up back here!!!" Bonnie adds, frustrated.
"Yes... how we got in control of time craft is a mystery to us, as well as why we're stuck in time. A new eye to analyze the situation might be helpful to us. We'll explain any theories we've had or currently have, but if you think of something new, don't be afraid to tell us," Odile sighs.
"B-but! Again, this is a lot to take in! So, if you need a moment, or have any questions, let us know! We'll try to answer them as best as we can! But... we're all trying to figure this out, too..." Isabeau hastily adds.
They're... stuck, looping through time... and... don't know what to do......
..."What loop is this?"
They all look at you.
"What?" Mirabelle blinks.
"You said this is the first one I remember? So- how long have you all been looping?" You clarify. Somehow, your voice isn't shaking. Probably because of the iciness sinking into your chest, spreading throughout your entire being.
They all exchange glances.
"Loop 70. Approximately over 4 months. We have only recently learned that we can loop to certain spots in the House, and don't have to repeat today at all. However, it seems you talking to the Head Housemaiden always sends us back here without a choice," Odile explains.
Loop 70?!?
"And... I haven't remembered any of them?"
"No."
...You realize something, in this moment.
In this world, in this Universe, "Siffrin" was the one not looping, and instead, it was their party that had to endure the loops. They were the ones wandering the House aimlessly, looking for answers they couldn't possibly have deciphered. After all, they weren't the ones with wish craft knowledge, nor the ones with the ability to read a language erased by the Universe.
You were.
For you to be brought here suddenly, to this looping party that wasn't yours, it could only mean one thing, right? That one of them, or, maybe all of them, wished for help. But, with their limited knowledge, with their inability to access the knowledge they needed, the Universe couldn't send one or all of them back to be their own guides, could they?
No; "Siffrin" was the only one who could help. "Siffrin" was the only one who had any chance at being a useful guide. So, with no "Loop" in this Universe, the Universe chose the next best option:
You.
You, a Siffrin who broke the loops. A Siffrin who managed to figure it out and had all the answers. A Siffrin who managed to get their "happy ending".
You didn't wish for anything, but they did. And, as "Siffrin", it was your role to become a guide. A sponsor. Thats what happened to Loop, isn't it?
Whether you auditioned for this role or not didn't matter. This was your part in the Universe's play. Whether you wanted to or not, wish craft- the Universe- would force you to follow its lead. And you had no choice in the matter.
"Siffrin" would always be bound to becoming the guide to a party not their own.
You start laughing. You can't stop yourself even if you wanted to. You laugh, and laugh, and laugh, so hard you double over and clutch your stomach.
You idiot! You blinding idiot!!! Of course this would be what happens!!! Of course you're stuck in the loops, no matter what!!! You really thought you were out, didn't you? You really thought you'd get to live out your happy ending!!! As if you deserved that~!
You did still get it, didn't you~? Almost a full year of traveling with your family~!!! Almost a full year of bliss, of belonging~!!! You did it!!! You beat the loops, and got your reward~!!!
Now, its time to get back to business. You had a role to play. The audience demands an encore, after all, and who are you to deny them~?
Not that you have a choice in the matter, either way.
Theres suddenly a hand on your shoulder, and you jump. You blink your eye, only then realizing you had started crying, and look up into the concerned face of Isabeau.
Its not the first time you've seen that face on him. You remember it, from when you defeated the first sadness in the House on your own and scared them all. From when they all saw a ghost of you, and were so put off by it Mirabelle started crying.
You remember it, from when you said all those horrible things to him in your last loop.
"Sif? Hey- listen, I know its a lot to take in, but-"
You push his hand off of you. Not your Isa.
You stand up, pushing past him and walking away from them all. You have things to do, after all~!
"Siffrin, where do you think you're going?" Odile inquires. You turn around to look at them all with a smile, one that was plastered on your face throughout your many loops. Mirabelle is standing now along with Isabeau, probably in an attempt to chase you in case you tried to run away. You can tell Odile was ready to use her slow craft on you if needed. You pretend it doesn't sting. This isn't your party, after all.
"We have a King to defeat, don't we?" You ask. They all glance at each other, before looking back at you.
"We've already done that, you crab!!! And we still looped back!!! Don't pretend like you know what to do!!!!!!" Bonnie clenches their fists at their side. You can tell they're frustrated, and you do feel bad for them. Bonnie of all people doesn't deserve to go through this. At least they aren't going through it alone.
But, they had a point, didn't they? You were getting ahead of yourself. There was a question you hadn't asked yet. Teehee! Silly you~!!!
You laugh. "Oh, yeah! Sorry, I forgot! Theres something I need to ask you all, first!"
You turn your body to face them all fully. They're all staring at you, watching, waiting.
"What did everyone wish for?"