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Chapter Text

James had never spent time with anyone outside of his closest circle of friends. Even when he occasionally interacted with other people, Sirius, Remus, Peter, or, less often, one of the girls, was always nearby. This year, however, he accidentally struck up a friendship with Crouch, a teammate. At first, James was sure the boy didn’t like him, but it quickly became clear that Barty’s snarky remarks were just his sense of humor, and most of what he said wasn’t meant seriously. James’s group of friends was a bit surprised by this new acquaintance. Sirius, in particular, was outraged and needed several reassurances that he was still James’s best friend. Eventually, they got used to the idea that James had a new friend who wasn’t connected to them.

For the most part, James and Barty only saw each other during practices and exchanged the occasional quick chat in the hallways. Still, James genuinely liked the guy. Even so, he hadn’t expected Barty to invite him to his birthday party. Barty had said it was no big deal and that only his closest friends would be there — people James knew well enough by reputation.

There was Dorcas from their year. James had no idea how she had become part of Barty’s small group. Then there were the Rosier twins. When the two of them were together, no one was safe. Pandora, Lily’s girlfriend, seemed to be the only person besides Crouch who genuinely liked James. Evan acted as if he had undiagnosed ADHD and seemed to dislike James. Finally, there was Regulus, Sirius’s younger brother. James remembered him from their childhood when they had all played together, but from the age of fourteen, Regulus had decided James was his nemesis. James had no idea why Regulus had suddenly stopped liking him. They had never been close friends, but he had spent a lot of time with him and Sirius.

James didn’t tell his friends he was going to Barty’s birthday party. He had a simple reason: he knew Sirius would lose his mind. He didn’t want to lie to his closest friends, but thankfully, no one suggested meeting up on Friday, so he didn’t have to use the excuse he had prepared just in case. The only ones who knew where he was going were Lily and Marlene. Lily, of course, found out through Pandora, and Marlene, who was also on the school football team, overheard Barty telling James about the party. Both promised to cover for him if necessary.

Now, James could only hope that Regulus wouldn’t tell Sirius beforehand who else would be at the party. It wasn’t that the brothers didn’t talk; their relationship was typical sibling fare. As an only child, James didn’t fully understand it, but it seemed like they enjoyed annoying each other. He had no doubt that if one needed help, the other would be the first to step up, but day-to-day, they hated each other in that normal, brotherly way. James knew that Regulus would seize the opportunity to say something like, Even James prefers hanging out with us now rather than with you. Having spent nearly his entire childhood with them, James knew they used anything they could to tease each other. He just hoped Regulus wouldn’t do it before the party, because James planned to approach him there and ask him not to.

James arrived a little late by bus. He assumed everyone else was already there, and he was quickly proven right. Barty opened the door wearing a paper crown from a McDonald’s happy meal, except this one was covered with inappropriate drawings and messages.

James would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous about the gathering. He was doing it only for Barty, whom he had grown to like. The rest of Barty’s friends seemed a little intimidating. James knew he shouldn’t jump to conclusions — after all, he had once thought the same about Crouch. But there were four others this time, and the odds of being wrong about all of them felt slim.

“I thought you’d never make it,” Barty greeted him, stepping aside to let him in. James could hear laughter and music coming from what must have been the living room. Barty waited as James took off his shoes and coat.

“I missed one bus, so I had to wait for the next,” James explained, but Barty just waved it off.

“Happy birthday, man,” James said, finally handing him the present. Barty pulled him into a friendly hug.

“Thanks. Come on, let’s join the others.” James was a little terrified. Barty noticed and just laughed, but James followed him into the living room anyway.

Whatever James had expected, it wasn’t this. Sure, the music was loud — a mix of upbeat songs from various genres, which he guessed must be a shared playlist. The coffee table was piled with snacks, with alcohol and paper cups tucked underneath. But otherwise, it was surprisingly calm. Regulus was braiding Pandora’s hair, and Evan was lying with his head on Dorcas’s lap as they played on a console. Everyone was sitting on the floor, even though there was a couch behind them. It reminded James of evenings with his own friends.

All heads turned toward him as he entered. Evan was the only one who quickly looked back at the TV, rolling his eyes first. James appreciated the lack of a stare, even if the gesture was far from friendly. He smiled awkwardly.

“Everyone knows James, right? I don’t need to introduce him,” said Barty confidently. James was well aware that most students in their high school knew his name. He wasn’t sure when his group had become the center of attention, but lately, people had started recognizing him, which had led to an influx of creative rumors about him.

“Of course we know the teachers’ pet,” Regulus chimed in, his tone dripping with sarcasm. James wasn’t sure how to respond, but fortunately, he didn’t have to.

“Oh, come on, Reg. Behave. Don’t be rude,” Barty said, smacking him on the back of the head — not lightly. “Come on, let’s grab a drink. The pizza should be here soon,” he added, leading the way.

James felt slightly more at ease sitting between Barty and Pandora, who seemed like the only people genuinely happy he was there. But his confidence wavered when he noticed Evan glaring at him. Suddenly, it felt like coming here might not have been the best idea. Perhaps he should have just handed Barty the gift at another time.

“You know Marlene McKinnon, right?” Dorcas suddenly asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. James nodded.

“Then can you tell her to back off and stop stuffing threats into my locker unless she wants a visit to Dumbledore’s office?” she said, handing him a crumpled note.

James studied it briefly before unfolding it. Scrawled in awful handwriting, it read: The Moomins are watching you, the Moomins are following you, the Moomins will find you, kill you, and eat you.

Yep, classic Marlene. The blonde had mentioned her rivalry with Dorcas for the title of the year’s best athlete, but she’d conveniently left out the part about these notes. James snorted softly.

“I’ll tell her to knock it off,” he assured Dorcas, tucking the note into his pocket. He definitely needed to confront Marlene about this.

“It’s not like you don’t enjoy getting love letters from McKinnon,” Evan quipped, earning a smack on the arm from Dorcas.

“She’s threatening me, for Merlin’s sake!” Dorcas protested. James narrowed his eyes at her, observing her carefully.

“I hate her and her stupid face,” she added, though James wasn’t entirely convinced. He didn’t know Meadowes well, but something about her reaction felt… insincere.

He did know Marlene, though. They’d spent their childhood together, along with Peter. James knew that when Marlene genuinely disliked someone, she ignored them entirely. On the other hand, hatred wasn’t the opposite of love — it still meant you felt something. True indifference was the absence of any feeling at all. Lily had once told him that after reading it in a book. James often found himself coming back to that thought.

Despite his initial reservations, James found himself feeling less out of place as time went on. Nobody had directly targeted him yet, likely because Barty had warned them off beforehand. Most people just ignored his presence, which, honestly, James didn’t mind. He had braced himself for snide comments from Regulus, piercing stares from Dorcas, sarcastic barbs from Evan, and a general aura of disdain. But for now, he was relieved that they were pretending he didn’t exist. It was better this way.

Still, in moments like these, he missed Sirius, Remus, Peter, and even the girls. He felt so much more at ease around them. He wasn’t entirely himself, but it was the closest version of himself he ever showed others.

James often wondered if he’d ever find someone he could truly be himself with. He’d always felt the need to be liked, molding himself to fit in with whoever he was around. It wasn’t that he was fake — he didn’t pretend to be someone else. He just reflected the light of the people he was with. People thought they knew him well, but they didn’t. They saw him but never tried to know him. And since he kept changing who he was depending on the person, even James wasn’t sure who he really was anymore. He feared letting people down, so he always tried to make everyone happy. But it felt like no one noticed the effort. He wanted to stop trying so hard, but he couldn’t imagine a version of himself that wasn’t needed.

Here, he tried to fit in too, and eventually, it started to work. The alcohol helped. People stopped ignoring him, and James found himself responding to Dorcas’s sarcastic remarks with sarcasm of his own, listening intently as Pandora excitedly described her latest chemistry experiments (which he decided not to question for safety reasons), and even bonding with Evan over skateboarding. Regulus remained the only one who didn’t soften. James caught him rolling his eyes every time he spoke, though he couldn’t understand why.

“We’re playing Truth or Dare!” Barty suddenly declared, not bothering to ask for anyone’s input.

“I hate these games,” Regulus muttered but joined the circle anyway.

“I’m spinning first,” Evan insisted, cutting off Barty’s protest. The bottle landed on Pandora.

“Truth or dare, Panda?” Evan asked.

“Truth, for a warm-up,” Pandora replied, though James doubted it was the safer option. He’d rather embarrass himself than open up.

“Hmm… I don’t believe my sister is that innocent. How many people in this room have you kissed?”

“You’re so predictable,” Pandora said, rolling her eyes — a habit James realized they all seemed to share. “Two.”

“What?!” Evan practically shouted. “I expected one because, you know, girls’ sleepovers but two?! Who besides Dorcas?”

“Why are you so sure one of them is Dorcas?”

“Isn’t it?” Evan’s gaze darted to James. “If it’s you, Potter, I swear—”

“Calm down, Ev,” Pandora cut in, probably saving a very confused James. “Yes, fine, one was Dorcas.”

“And the other?” Evan pressed, clearly unwilling to move on until he had answers.

“You’re not going to like the answer,” Pandora warned, her tone almost teasing. James found himself curious too. There weren’t many options left — he’d guess Regulus, given how close the two seemed.

“Whatever you say, I won’t like it. Dorcas is the only one I’d approve of anyway.”

“Barty,” Pandora said simply before returning to braiding her hair.

“WHAT?! You’re dead, Crouch!” Evan shot up, looking ready to pounce.

“Calm down, Evan,” Regulus finally spoke up, grabbing his friend’s arm to keep him seated.

“You knew ! You too?!” Evan gestured accusingly at both Regulus and Dorcas. “Turns out James is the only loyal one here. Thanks, mate, for never doing something like this to me.”

James laughed, exchanging a playful high-five with Evan, who was clearly the most intoxicated of the group but also the most entertaining.

“Steal my friend in revenge,” Barty muttered to himself, though everyone heard.

“You stole my sister!” Evan shot back.

They would probably keep arguing endlessly, so Pandora seems to do the smartest thing — ignoring them and spinning the bottle, which this time points at Dorcas. The girl takes a moment to think about her choice.

“Truth,” she finally says.

“Honestly, have you ever provoked Marlene too? I mean, anything at all — did you start something with her first, or annoy her on purpose?” James feels a bit uneasy because for the second time that evening, the subject of his friend and Dorcas is brought up. Sometimes he forgets that other people can talk to their friends about them, just like he does about others.

“Maybe I did a couple of times,” she admits. “But she’s the crazy one. I didn’t send her any threats,” she adds defensively.

“Oh yeah, because minions are just so terrifying,” comments Crouch, already sitting back on the carpet.

“Moomins,” the girl corrects him.

James notices the corners of Regulus’s mouth lift for the briefest moment. He would never have noticed if he hadn’t been watching closely. Once again that evening, he catches himself observing the younger Black. He just wants to know at what point and for what reason Regulus started hating him so much.

“You’re all ridiculous,” the blonde interrupts another small argument. Over the past hour, James has realized that Barty, Evan, and Dorcas squabble about something roughly every five minutes. “Your turn, Dorcas.”

“Spin for me. I need to use the bathroom,” she says, standing up and disappearing behind the bathroom door. Dora shrugs and spins the bottle again to pick the next victim.

James knew it was going to happen eventually. And here it is, the bottle pointing straight at him. For the last time, he considers both options, but his decision doesn’t change. He can make a fool of himself for a few seconds. They’ll all forget about whatever ridiculous thing he had to do soon enough. But sharing his thoughts? That’s terrifying. Choosing truth is too risky.

“Dare,” he says. Barty whistles, pleased, as if he were the one deciding what James has to do. Then he remembers it’s Pandora’s task. He couldn’t have gotten luckier in that regard.

“Finally, someone who’s not boring.”

“Let me think,” she says, dragging it out. James, however, doesn’t miss the brief exchange of glances between her and Regulus, who now looks like he wants to kill the blonde with his gaze. James doesn’t understand it.

“Kiss Regulus,” she says casually, gesturing toward her friend.

“What?!”

“What?!” James isn’t the only one shouting — Evan’s reaction is just as loud.

“Pandora,” there’s a note of warning in the younger Black’s voice. “This was supposed to be a dare for Potter. Why does it have to involve me?” He doesn’t seem outraged, as James had expected. Still, he’s ignoring the bespectacled boy, not even sparing him a glance.

It’s a valid point. Besides, James simply can’t do it. Sirius would kill him if he found out. And Regulus is cruel enough to make sure he did.

“It’s fair. You’re the only viable option. Dorcas won’t touch a man, and everyone else here is in a relationship,” she explains, and James realizes he must’ve missed the part where Barty mentioned he was seeing someone.

“Hey! I’m single. So is Barty,” Evan protests, and the rest of the group, except for him, Crouch, and James, bursts out laughing.

“Sure. Whatever you say, Ev.”

“Regulus’s boyfriend is going to be jealous,” Barty adds, his tone turning teasing.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Regulus replies. His voice is firm, as always, with a touch of intimidation. James wonders who Barty could be talking about. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s just get it over with,” Regulus says suddenly, and James snaps back to attention. He thought Reg would be on his side for this, at least.

“No, I’m not doing it,” he protests immediately.

“What’s your problem?! Let’s just get it over with.” It’s not that James has a problem with Regulus Black. The boy is… handsome. That’s an objective statement. James has nothing against kissing attractive people. It’s about the consequences he’d have to face if Sirius found out.

“I don’t want to!” He sees it for just a moment — Regulus can hide his emotions better than any of them. But James catches the fleeting second when something dims in his eyes, and the cold mask he always wears slips. For just an instant, something like hurt shines through. James wonders if he imagined it. He stares at his hands, searching for the right words. He doesn’t like a sad Regulus. He’d rather he be mean. “It’s just… I can’t. It’s not about you, Reg, but Sirius would kill me—”

“Of course, it’s always about my brother. I wouldn’t tell him, you idiot,” Regulus snaps, and that changes things. James lifts his head to meet his gaze. “Are you doing it or taking the penalty?”

“Alright. Umm, is it okay for you? I mean, we don’t have to if you—”

“Just get it over with, Potter,” Regulus rolls his eyes and sits across from him.

James hesitates only once before he takes the younger boy’s face in his hands. Slowly, he leans in and presses their lips together. It’s a slow kiss, and there’s something gentle about it. James doesn’t know how else to describe it. He’s kissed plenty of random people at parties and during games like this. Those kisses were usually drunk, quick, like someone was trying to rip his clothes off in front of everyone. This is different. There’s nothing desperate or loud about it. Regulus kisses back like it’s a promise. James doesn’t know what it all means, but he feels something deep in his chest break apart. He pulls Regulus closer; he can’t help it. For one second, he wants to hold him in his arms and watch him fall apart, lay his soul bare, explain why he always seems so sad.

And then Barty whistles. The spell is broken, and James remembers they’re not alone.

“I hate you, Potter,” is the first thing Regulus says as they pull away. But there’s something fractured in his voice, and he doesn’t seem so sure about the statement anymore.

Regulus ignores him for the rest of the evening.

And James can’t stop thinking about him.

xxx

The locker room is usually full for longer after practice, but today is Friday, and everyone is eager to start the weekend as soon as possible. Especially since May has just begun. The weather is getting warmer, and school is starting to feel optional for many students — particularly for their year, as they’re graduating this summer. James enjoys the rare days when he can shower in peace and linger here a bit longer. He knows he’ll miss this locker room.

Football isn’t even his biggest passion. He much prefers skateboarding, playing his electric guitar, or diving into the darkest corners of the Marvel universe and its fandoms. Still, there’s a kind of calm he finds on the field that nothing else can provide. He’s always been full of energy — sometimes too much — and as a kid, his parents signed him up for every sport they could think of. He enjoyed them all, but only for a short while.

He still remembers the summer when his dad woke him up and told him he had a surprise. James didn’t know he was going to his first football practice until they arrived. He was eight years old then, and it was on that field that he met Sirius. Sirius may have quit after two years, but their friendship endured. It wasn’t just Sirius that football brought into his life, though — it also gave him a sport that would stay with him. On the field, he feels adrenaline pumping and forgets about who he really is. It’s easier not to think about it when the ball is the priority.

His peace doesn’t last long, though, as a familiar blonde bursts into the locker room. She paces back and forth like she’s fighting an internal war before finally sitting across from him. She looks terrified, but James knows it can’t be anything too serious.

“What are you doing in the boys’ locker room?” he raises an eyebrow. Marlene is the first girl on their team, but the principal arranged a small private space for her to change.

“I think I might like Dorcas Meadowes more than I should,” she blurts. James tries his best not to laugh, but a chuckle escapes him anyway.

“Don’t laugh,” she scolds, throwing a random, sweaty shirt at him.

“Gross. That’s disgusting, Marls,” he says, tossing the shirt back to where it came from. “So, what are you going to do about it? Threatening her with Moomins isn’t exactly the best way to win a girl over, you know,” he teases, suddenly recalling the notes she used to send the brunette.

“Shut up, James,” she warns, but he’s still laughing. He’s known Marlene his whole life, and he figured out a while ago that her rivalry with Meadowes wasn’t fueled by hatred. Still, he hadn’t been entirely sure and decided to give her time to figure it out on her own.

“Seriously, though. Are you planning to make a move?”

“I don’t stand a chance anyway. Dorcas hates me,” she says, waving her hand dismissively, and James can’t help but feel sorry for her. Marlene came out as a lesbian when she was fourteen. She told him and Peter during a summer bonfire at the Pettigrews’. They’d been playing a game to see who could stuff more marshmallows into their mouths when she casually dropped the news, saying she’d figured it out recently but had forgotten to tell them. Since then, nobody had really caught her attention — except, briefly, Mary. It doesn’t surprise James that it’s Dorcas now. Maybe there’s some truth to the saying that love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t change her mind, Marls,” he says, sitting beside her and pulling her into a side hug. She rests her head on his shoulder immediately.

“I don’t know what to do,” she admits, and James who might not be the most sensible person, decides that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for a friend.

“Listen, I know Sirius’ parents are going out of town for a week. We were planning to hang out there, just the seven of us, but I could try convincing Regulus to invite his friends too. It won’t be easy, because, well, it’s Regulus. But I’ll do it for you. You can sneak away and talk to Dorcas.”

“Really? You’d do that?” she asks, looking up at him with hope in her eyes.

“Of course! I’ll go talk to him now,” he says, standing up. Marlene suddenly seems much lighter.

“Good luck! Love you, James!” she calls out as he waves and leaves the locker room.

This is a stupid idea. A very, very stupid idea. He knows it, and maybe he should just go to Barty and tell him to drag their whole group to the Black house next Saturday instead. It’s been two weeks since Barty s’ birthday, and James hasn’t exchanged a single word with Regulus since. Not that they talked much before, either. The problem is that James wasn’t drunk enough during that dare to forget what it felt like to kiss Regulus and he remembers it all too well. He also knows he shouldn’t be thinking about it this much. His brain, however, seems to hate him, replaying the moment every night.

He’s also started noticing him. Of course, it’s not intentional, but he catches himself doing it, and that’s why he knows at least a few of the classes the boy picked this year. He knows that after lessons, Regulus can only be found in one room. That’s where he usually sits when most students are done with their classes, so he’s sure to avoid meeting anyone else. James has wanted to join him a few times but was afraid Regulus would run off. This time, he has an excuse, so he opens the door to the classroom and is lucky because Regulus is already there. He’s sitting with his back to the door, tuning his guitar. He’s so focused that he doesn’t notice James, who takes the opportunity to watch him for a moment.

The Black brothers only look alike. If they really tried, they could probably convince people they were twins. The only real difference is that Sirius has longer hair, is a little taller, and Reg’s features are sharper. And the eyes. James didn’t notice until Barty’s birthday when he looked into Regulus’s eyes up close. He saw that it wasn’t the same shade of blue as his friend’s. Padfoot’s eyes are more gray, while Regulus’s are a pale blue. In terms of character, they’re the complete opposite. Sirius is dramatic, loud, and you can read him like an open book. The younger Black is a mystery.

An enigma.

He clears his throat, not wanting to seem too creepy while watching his best friend’s brother. He doesn’t know what to say or how to start a conversation. He should probably ask straight out and beg him to agree. But James wants to spend more time with Regulus. So he grabs another guitar off the wall. This must surprise the other boy because he shuts his mouth, which he had just opened, probably to shoo James away.

The guitar is still tuned from the previous session, so James just plugs it in. He starts playing “Do I Wanna Know?” but in the slower version from Hozier’s cover that Mary once showed him. He looks at Regulus, who is now looking at him. There’s surprise and admiration on his face. There’s no irritation, which is usually there when he looks at James.

“I didn’t know you could play,” are the first words that come from Regulus after James finishes the song.

“You still don’t know much about me, Reggie,” James winks at him. He’s waiting for a scolding about the nickname, as he’s used it before, and it always earns him an eye roll in response.

“Play it again,” Regulus doesn’t seem to notice the nickname this time. Potter chuckles quietly and starts playing the calm melody again.

It’s his favorite song. He doesn’t care that it’s not the original version. Mary once had an obsession with that artist and forced all of them to listen to various songs. James never told anyone that one became his favorite. He sees musical taste as something very personal. Telling someone your favorite song is like giving away a piece of your soul. James keeps that information, waiting to share it with someone special.

“I swear, if you make me—”

“When did you learn to play the guitar?” Regulus asks. He doesn’t smile at James, but he’s not as rude as usual either. James didn’t know it would take so little to break through to Regulus, even just a little.

“My mom played in a band when she was younger. She started teaching me when I was in kindergarten,” James shrugs. He’s a bit surprised the other boy didn’t know this. Not that he’d care. He just assumed Sirius might have mentioned it once.

“What’s this? I need the chords for it,” James impulsively wants to tell him he’ll send them when he gets home. This isn’t like him because this song was his. He’d protected it as much as he could, and he probably wasn’t thinking clearly when he started playing it now. He blames it on Marlene and the fact that he’s constantly wondering how to convince Regulus to do what he’s planned.

Now, though, he sees his opportunity. Maybe it’s not entirely fair, but Regulus seems to care about this song. James isn’t surprised. If he has to give it to someone, he might as well get something in return. He’s not being selfish, since he’s doing this for Marlene. He expects it won’t be that easy, but he’ll do anything for the blonde girl.

“I have a proposal,” Regulus’s irritated expression returns, and James already misses the surprised and delighted look from before.

“No,” he answers coldly, taking his guitar in hand. Sure, this turns out to be much harder than James thought.

“You didn’t even listen to me!” James protests. He doesn’t think asking his friends over on one specific day is that terrible. He’s just afraid Regulus will refuse out of spite.

“Your ideas never end well. I won’t be a part of one of them,” now it’s James’s turn to roll his eyes.

Sometimes, when he thinks about why Regulus randomly decided to stop liking him, he remembers the time when it was the exact opposite. Regulus used to practically demand James’s attention. He often seemed jealous of Sirius, who would act dramatic when James spent too much time in his brother’s room. Regulus was thirteen when he told him that everyone saw him only as Black’s younger brother, and he was the first person to just see him as Regulus. James felt bad and told him that he liked him for who he was. Less than six months later, Regulus started treating him colder than the others, and James didn’t understand why.

“Please. You didn’t even listen to the end. My request isn’t much,” James says almost pleadingly. He promised Marlene he would do this, so he’ll do whatever it takes to convince Regulus.

“Fine, I’m listening, Potter.”

“Tomorrow, we come with our friends to your place. Can you gather your whole friends’ group so they’re there too?” The boy gives him a skeptical look.

“Why?” Of course, he wants to know. James can’t tell him the truth, but he doesn’t want to lie either.

“I can’t tell you that yet. Not now. But I’m asking you, please,” he looks him in the eye. James knows exactly how to convince someone. He tries his charm on Regulus, using his best pleading look.

“Don’t beg me like a puppy,” yeah, that doesn’t work on Regulus. “I can’t invite them, and even if I could, I wouldn’t do it because you asked me to,” James pretends he’s not hurt by how coldly Regulus treats him.

“You really hate me,” he says more to himself, but Regulus hears it. Again, the same thing. For a split second, his mask falls, and he looks sad.

Tell me, tell me what’s going on in your head?

Why are you like this?

What’s happening in your mind?

But he quickly recovers and returns to irritation.

“I hate you,” he confirms, but there’s still a hint of doubt in his voice. This doesn’t make James feel any better. “Someone else is coming to me tomorrow. I don’t want to cancel or change plans.” James wonders if it’s the boy Barty mentioned.

He doesn’t like the pang in his chest. He knows full well it’s jealousy. He spent all of the early days of high school longing to see Lily with Snape. It’s funny, because the jealousy disappeared once she confessed she liked girls and started dating Pandora. But now it’s different because Regulus is within reach. Well, except that Regulus seems to absolutely despise his company. It was just supposed to be a stupid dare kiss. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this after it.

“I understand,” James puts the guitar down and picks up his backpack from the floor. Regulus watches him, and James thinks he must be imagining things because the boy seems disappointed. But he has no reason to stay longer. Regulus doesn’t like him, so he doesn’t want to bother him. Marlene will be disappointed, but she’ll find another way to talk to Dorcas. He opens the door but doesn’t leave immediately. He hesitates, then turns back. Regulus is still looking at him. “I’ll send you those chords tonight. I need to find the paper where I wrote them down.”

Oh, James is such a weak person.

Chapter Text

Not all students are going crazy over their final exams. Remus and Lily, however, are definitely among them. It’s not that James doesn’t care about his school results. He does, but not enough to neglect his hobbies or relationships. He also understands his friends, who are more concerned because they want to get into good universities.

He himself is terrified of the future and all the important decisions that come with it. And it is fast approaching, offering no promises of anything good. He knows that the upcoming time will be pivotal in his life. He’s not sure if he’s ready for the bittersweet farewell to one stage and the terrifying start of another. James doesn’t want to grow up, and that’s exactly what is beginning now — adult life. He’ll have to learn to take responsibility for all his actions and make fewer decisions he might regret. But it’s not just about serious choices and sad goodbyes. This time is perfect for tasting a bit of madness. He’ll never be closer to freedom than now, spending the best time of his life with friends. It’s worth remembering this moment forever, because he’ll probably never laugh this much again, and the consequences will temporarily become less important. How many relationships will grow stronger? How many will be damaged? Maybe he’ll discover feelings he never knew he had? One thing is certain: things will never be the same again.

He tries not to worry about it too much. Remus and Lily are with him at the skatepark now. The redhead is teaching the other boy a trick, and he’s watching them. They laugh when Remus falls again, but James can’t join them. He’s only thinking about the fact that the two of them plan to attend one of the best universities in the States together, so all he can see in his mind’s eye is an image of them sitting in a university café, studying serious things. James wants to forever engrave this moment in his mind: his friends right now, before they get their degrees and that carefree attitude they still have is brutally taken away from them.

He can’t fall apart in the middle of the skatepark, so he takes a few sips of water before tossing the bottle into his backpack and going to grab his skateboard, which he left somewhere on the grass. Lily waves for him to come over to them, and he does. They flash him smiles. They don’t know that just a moment ago he was thinking about how he already misses them, even though they haven’t left yet and are still here. At that very moment, they also spot Sirius and Peter, who are coming back from school. They must have gone there in the morning to help set up decorations for the theater club’s play. As usual, Sirius got himself into some trouble, and Peter was unlucky enough to be with him. The blonde is walking next to his friend, still sulking about how the other had planned his Saturday morning at school.

“Ready for the best night of your life?” Sirius asks, throwing his arm around Remus’s shoulders. Remus kisses his boyfriend on the cheek. James thinks they’re adorable. A year ago, peace finally returned after what their whole group had been through when Sirius and Remus couldn’t understand that their feelings for each other weren’t entirely platonic.

“Are you really happy that your parents are leaving you guys without Kreacher?” Lily asks. Black nods.

James knows a lot about the Blacks’ parents, and none of it is positive. It’s not that they physically hurt their children, but they punished them with psychological violence, restrictions, and constant control. Even when they went out for a short while, someone from the household staff kept an eye on the brothers. It made sense when they were children, but not when Sirius was sixteen. Only recently have they started leaving them alone for single evenings. Sirius was sure that someone would still be home for such a long trip. Everyone was surprised when he announced that only he and Regulus would be at home.

“Of course! Sorry, but I have to steal Remus. He promised to help me with shopping for our sleepover. See you at 7 p.m.! Don’t forget to bring the board games, Lils,” he pulls the boy by the hand, and Remus only waves at them as he grabs his skateboard.

“They’re cute,” the redhead comments. “Hey, maybe I can teach you this?” she asks.

James doesn’t answer her and instead tries to show her the exact trick that Lupin had been working on earlier. Behind his friend, he notices Regulus and Pandora, walking down the sidewalk and looking in their direction. The blonde’s attention, of course, is immediately drawn to her girlfriend, but Black is staring at him. The problem is, James is in the middle of showing Lily his skills. Regulus, with his windswept hair and mysterious gaze, makes him lose focus, and instead of landing on his board, he falls to the ground. The redhead bursts out laughing, and that also catches the attention of the blonde, who whispers something into her friend’s ear with a small smile.

“Yeah, I can see how well you’re doing,” Lily extends her hand to help him up. He brushes off his knees, and when he looks up again, Reg and Dora are heading toward them. He feels a bit embarrassed, but what disturbs him more is that he notices how handsome Regulus is. He could have, of course, said that earlier if anyone had asked him. But it never crossed his mind before. Combined with all his previous thoughts and feelings, he’s not happy with the conclusions he’s drawing.

“Hey, you two!” the redhead finally notices the pair coming their way. The blonde immediately hugs her girlfriend, and they dive into a conversation. Regulus stands opposite Potter and, for the first time, seems unsure of what to do with himself. James is surprised that no remark immediately falls from his lips.

“I wanted to thank you for those chords. I really like this song,” Regulus says, and wow. That’s probably the longest non-hostile sentence he’s directed at James in the past few years.

“It’s okay. I like it too,” James responds, not revealing that it’s his favorite. That’s a bit too much.

“I still hate you,” Regulus adds. James feels like laughing, but he doesn’t. His tone becomes a little colder again, but it’s still not the same as it was two weeks ago.

“That’s not fair. You hate everything, Reg,” James rolls his eyes in amusement. The other boy’s expression becomes more determined.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” Regulus warns. It’s gentle, but enough for James to understand there’s no point in provoking him further. They stand there, staring at each other for a few long seconds. Potter feels awkward, and Regulus’s gaze is more critical. James has never had trouble talking to others, but something about the other boy’s posture intimidates him.

“So, Reg, weren’t we supposed to go shopping and buy something for your date?” Pandora asks, but her gaze shifts to James when she says the word “date.” The boy doesn’t comment on the fact that the blonde wasn’t corrected for using a diminutive. After all, they’re friends.

“This isn’t a date,” Regulus clarifies, but Pandora just laughs softly. “I asked Sirius to buy me a few things,” he adds to his friend, who looks a little disappointed they won’t be going shopping. “If you want, we can still stop by some stores on the way,” he adds, noticing the girl’s expression.

“Great! I need to buy some new hairpins,” she claps her hands in satisfaction. “See you… sometime,” she hugs Lily first, then James. Regulus awkwardly nods his head at them.

James wonders who Pandora could have been talking about. He would probably have noticed if Regulus had been talking to someone more often at school. Maybe his date doesn’t even go to their high school. Lily stubbornly tries to teach him all the new tricks she’s so excited about, but he can’t focus anymore. Nothing works for him because his mind is still stuck on the conversation from a moment ago.

Plus, Pandora seemed to be enjoying teasing him about it. He’s certain that she knows the most about the boy. They’re a bit like him and Sirius. They met before James knew Lupin because when he was younger and visiting Sirius, Pandora was always hanging around Regulus. Sometimes her brother joined them too. Anyway, usually when you see one of them, you can be sure the other isn’t far behind.

“Hey, focus,” Lily laughs and gives him a light tap on the arm. “What’s on your mind, Jamsie boy?” she uses one of those nicknames Remus came up with in first year to annoy him.

“With who is Regulus dating?” he blurts out, not thinking about what he’s saying. This only makes Evans laugh harder. Her warm laugh probably echoes through the skate park, and James blushes when he realizes what he’s just asked.

“Are you jealous?” she asks, not responding immediately, which must make something click in her mind. Suddenly, her expression softens, and she gives him a small smile. “Since Amelia’s birthday party, Kingsley’s been hanging around him. No one knows if it’s anything serious, but they’ve gone out a few times alone,” she informs him, and James is grateful she’s not teasing him about it. He recognizes that guy from school. He’s the captain of their swim team. James thinks he’s really nice, maybe a bit too calm. He hates that he actually likes him.

A few years ago, James thought Lily was the love of his life. He was really annoying when he constantly tried to impress her. She didn’t seem to like him much. Finally, during one of those loud end-of-summer parties, they talked calmly. She admitted that James had no chance with her because no guy did. James wasn’t sad for long, and then he understood it was just a puppy crush. That’s when their friendship started.

James really appreciates how they’re all more than just a group of random people. Lily doesn’t hang out with all of them just because of Remus; Marlene isn’t here just because of him and Peter; or Mary only, because she’s Sirius’s friend. The dynamics often change, and they spend time in the most unexpected combinations, still having fun.

They’re friends.

All of them.

“At Barty’s birthday party, we played truth or dare, and I kissed Regulus during the game. It was supposed to be a silly dare,” he finally admits because it’s been weighing on him for too long. He also thinks Lily is the best person to tell.

“Oh, James,” his friend hugs him, and he instantly feels lighter. James has never been good at handling things in his head. Since he was a child, he’s confessed everything that weighed on his heart — first to his parents, and now more often to his friends. “It’s kind of gotten out of control, hasn’t it?” she says softly. He just nods. He’s afraid that if he starts talking, he won’t be able to hold back the tears. It’s not just about the crush and that Regulus doesn’t like him. James feels awful about Sirius. He’s hiding something from him. What’s worse is that he knows his friend wouldn’t approve if he found out.

“Lily, why is it always the wrong people?” the redhead knows exactly what he’s talking about. She doesn’t need to ask. She’s been through the same with him. She pats him on the back, not seeming upset that he mentioned his past feelings toward her.

“Don’t say that, James. Someone’s waiting for you too,” she finally pulls away and wipes away the single, solitary tear that’s found its way down his cheek. “Listen, you’re spending the evening with us tonight. Try not to think about it. Drop by Mary’s with your coolest clothes. I’ll be there, and so will Marls. We’ll get you ready so that Regulus’s jaw will drop. And don’t worry about the girls. I’ll come up with something about why you’re joining us early.”

“That doesn’t make sense—”

“Stop. Kingsley isn’t Regulus’s boyfriend yet. You can at least try to get his attention. I’ve noticed that whenever he passes by or sees you, he looks twice.” James doesn’t get his hopes up it. In the case of anyone else, maybe it would work, but not with Regulus. Potter is convinced that Regulus hates him.

“But Sirius—” he tries to begin, because he still can’t imagine trying to get his best friend’s younger brother’s attention right in front of him.

“We’re not talking about Sirius right now. You can deal with him later. You know he’s dramatic, but you and Regulus are his top priorities after Remus. He might make a scene for a bit, but eventually, he’d be happy for you.”

“You’re saying that hypothetically.”

“Yeah, James. Hypothetically,” she smiles gently, as if she doesn’t really mean what she’s saying. “But will you come to Mary’s?”

“Fine, I’ll come,” he thinks it’s really dumb, and agrees just so his friend will leave him alone. They don’t stay long at the skate park, because time is running out, and the meeting with the others is getting closer.

xxx

James still thinks that getting ready as if he’s going on a date, rather than just hanging out with friends, is a terrible idea. For the past hour, he’s endured the girls’ advice, though he wasn’t convinced. His opinion changes only when he looks in the mirror. It’s been a long time since he’s looked at himself and liked what he saw.

Now they’re heading toward his friend’s house. James is wearing a fitted sports t-shirt from one of the football clubs, Marlene’s oversized jorts (which are too big for her), and his favorite sneakers. It’s nothing special, but there’s a subtle difference compared to how he usually dresses.

They arrive a bit late, and Sirius doesn’t miss the opportunity to make a dramatic sigh when he opens the door. Peter and Remus are already there and wave at them as they enter the living room. Everything is still the same. Snacks are scattered around the room, their favorite show is playing on the TV (a show they’ve watched a million times and know almost by heart), and the boys are sitting on the floor because there’s no point in taking the couch when everyone won’t fit on it anyway. It’s just another typical evening with friends, but James can’t stop thinking that there are so few of those left. It’s a strange feeling to miss something that you still have.

“You won’t believe this! My stupid brother invited his boyfriend and friends over on purpose. He knew you’d be here, so he did it just to annoy me,” Sirius says, but James doesn’t really hear what else he says. He barely notices Marlene giving his hand a grateful squeeze.

Regulus doesn’t talk to James just to defy him. He disagrees with him on many things, regardless of his true opinion. Regulus just likes to disagree with James. He doesn’t expect him to actually fulfill his request. He doesn’t like that Kingsley is still here, but there’s little he can do about it. Still, he will thank him later for ensuring that the rest of his friends showed up.

“Is Pandora here?” Lily immediately brightens up.

And that’s when, to Sirius’s displeasure, Mary’s indifference, Remus and Peter’s apathy, and Lily, Marlene, and James’s (though he would never admit it) excitement, they call out to Reg and his friends to join them. It’s not easy to convince them, but eventually, Pandora, Barty, and even Kingsley manage to persuade Regulus, Evan, and Dorcas. The latter have little choice and come downstairs to the living room.

James starts to think that this might not have been a good idea when Regulus rests his head on Kingsley’s shoulder and closes his tired eyes. The other boy chuckles softly and covers him with a blanket from the couch. James would give anything to be in Kingsley’s place. Jealousy mixes with a bit of sadness. He knows there’s not much he can do about it because just a moment ago, Sirius called him Reg’s boyfriend. He thinks about how good he could be for him if Reg only gave him a chance. If only he could stop hating him, even just for a little while.

He tries to distract himself and manages to when he looks for his friend. At least this isn’t all for nothing because he spots Marlene on the balcony with Dorcas. They’re talking quietly, laughing every so often. He can’t hear what they’re talking about, but he’s certain it’s not a fight. Well, at least for a moment, he can suffer for Marlene. Nothing matters more to him than ensuring the happiness of his friends. He’s glad they managed to talk today. He saw the disappointment on Marlene’s face when he called her on FaceTime yesterday and told her that Regulus had said no. The blonde wasn’t really surprised, but she still hoped that maybe, just maybe, it would work out.

“Are they…?” Peter asks as he sits next to him and hands him a bottle of beer. James nods in thanks.

“Maybe. We’ll see what happens,” he shrugs. But he does hope the blonde finally finds happiness. Even if it’s with the girl who was, just six months ago, her greatest enemy.

“And you?”

“What do you mean?” James looks at him for the first time since he sat down.

“I thought you and Sirius’s brother…”

“What?!”

“Don’t shout, jeez. It’s just a little weird how he’s only looking at you, even though he’s got his boyfriend right next to him. I thought maybe something happened between you two before,” Peter answers, and James almost starts laughing.

“He doesn’t look at me,” James replies, but Peter just raises an eyebrow.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Wormtail,” he thinks back to just moments ago when he saw Reg almost fall asleep on Kingsley’s shoulder. He doesn’t let himself even entertain the thought. He knows getting his hopes up won’t lead to anything. It was the same with Lily, and he’s learned from his mistakes. He’d rather protect his heart, because it already hurts enough to see Regulus with someone else.

“Look now, mate,” Peter moves closer and sits opposite James. Potter knows exactly what he’s doing but doesn’t stop him, wanting to prove to the blonde that he’s right. There’s no way Regulus would notice.

“This is stupid, Pete,” James just rolls his eyes as his friend moves even closer so that their knees are touching.

“Stupid is you and Regulus,” Peter leans in closer and whispers something in James’s ear. “Laugh. Pretend I just told you the best pick-up line you’ve ever heard.” The very act of what Peter is doing is enough to make James chuckle quietly.

“You’re not proving anything to me, you know—”

“Bingo. He’s looking at us now.” At first, James wants to turn around and check, because he doesn’t believe his friend. But he quickly realizes that would be pointless if he’s trying to make Regulus jealous. The younger Black shouldn’t think they’re doing it on purpose.

“I don’t believe you,” he responds in a whisper. He fights the urge to roll his eyes, knowing full well that it won’t get him anywhere. Regulus has a boyfriend, and James is going to accept that. He already considers it foolish that he felt anything for the guy after one stupid kiss during a game. The thought makes him wonder if perhaps he had felt something before. Ever since he started thinking about why Reg hates him and how much he wishes he could go back to the time when it wasn’t like this.

“He’s coming,” he warns excitedly, his voice barely a whisper. James barely realizes what his friend is saying when Regulus walks past them from behind and stands in front of James. He clears his throat, drawing attention, though James was already looking at him.

“Potter. Can we talk?” Those words drip with more venom than usual, but James doesn’t mind. Not when Regulus Black is… jealous?

“Yeah, sure,” James says, getting up from the floor and almost tripping over Peter as he moves past him and follows Black to his room.

It’s been a long time since he’s been here. The room has changed a lot. The childhood toys are gone, replaced by books, plants, and photos stuck to the walls. This is roughly what James could imagine Regulus’s bedroom to be like. He imagines that this is where the boy spends most of his evenings, reading his books, studying, playing the guitar. Maybe he’s already tried the chords James sent him yesterday. The instrument is resting against its case, so maybe Reg didn’t have time to hide it before the friends arrived.

“Thanks for the chords,” Regulus says when he notices what James is looking at. The brunet simply nods and gives him a small smile.

“I mean it. You didn’t have to send them to me when I didn’t agree to invite my friends. And by the way, I think I know why you did it. Cas and McKinnon, right?” the boy nods in reply.

“And yet, you invited them anyway, so it’s kind of the same. Sorry for ruining your date,” James adds, speaking much more quietly. Almost like he’s talking to himself.

“No. I wouldn’t have invited them if I didn’t want to do it for you. I mean, sending the guitar chords didn’t change anything. I knew I would fulfill your request before you even said you’d send them to me.”

James doesn’t know how to respond to that. Regulus doesn’t seem to be lying, and if that’s true, it means he did something for him.

“Thanks,” James says simply, sitting down on the bed. The smile doesn’t leave his face, though.

“Thanks?” Regulus repeats. There’s no trace of the usual hatred he directs at James. The older boy could almost swear that for a second, he saw a smile on his face.

“Thanks,” James nods.

Regulus finally sits next to him. At first, he looks at his feet, ignoring James’s gaze, who, in turn, can’t tear his eyes away from him. Regulus doesn’t send him away, though he certainly wouldn’t have a problem doing so if he wanted. Somewhere at the back of his mind, James remembers Kingsley, still in the living room. Peter was right, though. Reg did seem jealous when he asked to talk for a moment. It makes James’s head spin. Feelings are always stupid and directed at the wrong people. He has a million exclamation points in his mind telling him to stop, but then again, Regulus is here. He looks at him softly now. James notices how long his eyelashes are.

The silence is broken by the sudden opening of the door. James fears it’s Sirius, and he’ll need a good excuse for being in his younger brother’s room. He knows that Padfoot will be suspicious no matter what he says. However, when he looks up, he’s even more displeased. Standing in the doorway is Kingsley, reminding him once again that Reg will never be his. He’s too late.

James really regrets going to Crouch’s birthday.

“Sorry. I thought you were alone,” Kingsley says before leaving and closing the door behind him. But nothing is the same as it was a moment ago. Regulus was clearly about to say something, but Kingsley interrupted him.

“I think we should go back to them,” James begins to rise, but is unexpectedly stopped. Regulus’s thin fingers grip his wrist and won’t let him move. He freezes for a moment before turning his gaze to the younger boy.

“Wait,” Regulus says, then stands and grabs the guitar.

He quickly plugs it in and checks if it’s in tune. James doesn’t take his eyes off him, not understanding what’s happening. Regulus starts playing the very song he most likely discovered the day before thanks to him. He doesn’t need to look at the sheet of paper with the guitar chords, confirming James’s suspicions that he must have studied the song repeatedly since yesterday. As soon as the last note rings out, James wants to ask him to do what Reg had asked him in the music room. He has no idea if it’s his infatuated brain or if it’s really true, but he thinks Regulus played the song much smoother. Maybe he is a better guitarist, but James has played that tune more times in his life.

“That was really beautiful, Reggie,” James comments honestly. “You play better than me.”

He doesn’t know what else to say. It seems that no words will ever be enough. After all, this is the first time he’s heard someone else play his favorite song live. It’s nice when he can close his eyes and listen to the melody, not having to focus on changing chords, keeping tempo, or worrying about messing up while playing from memory. He could stay here until the end of the meeting, taking turns with Regulus showing each other their favorite songs. But he knows that’s impossible, and sooner or later someone will notice that the two of them are missing. Better if it’s not Sirius.

It turns out that Regulus knows a very effective way of breaking his thoughts. James doesn’t even notice the moment when the younger boy sets the guitar down, sits much closer than before, and suddenly his lips are on James’s. It’s one long second that James needs to realize and return the kiss.

The warmth of Regulus’s lips on his is electrifying. Small bursts of shivers run through his entire body. When Regulus’s lips part slightly and his tongue slips into James’s mouth, he loses himself. Suddenly, nothing else matters, and he wants to fit into Regulus’s hand. To build a home in his lungs and become the air he needs to survive. Reg practically crawls into his lap just to be closer, and James doesn’t mind at all.

It feels like an eternity before they finally pull away from each other. But it’s still too short. Maybe it doesn’t matter how much time he spends in Black’s company because it will never be enough.

“James,” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. He whispers it. If James wasn’t so close, he wouldn’t have heard him.

“Your boyfriend is going to be jealous,” a small smile plays on his face. Regulus rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong with you all? Kingsley is not my boyfriend,” James knows it couldn’t be. Regulus isn’t the type to kiss someone when their partner is one floor below. Still, it doesn’t clarify anything. Just moments ago, they really looked like a couple.

“Are you sure? You looked—”

“I think I just made it pretty clear that I’m not interested in him that way,” James doesn’t know what to say. He can’t stop the huge smile that spreads across his face.

“Stop grinning, Potter,” Regulus might be trying to sound rude, but his tone suggests something entirely different. He nimbly gets off James’s lap and walks toward the window. James hasn’t checked the time in a while, but the sky is already covered with a blanket of stars.

“I thought we were past the ‘James’ stage,” he teases. Regulus stands up but joins him by the window, gazing at the night outside.

“Show me your star.”

James has seen Sirius’s star many times in the night sky. Padfoot, of course, made sure that each of his friends could point it out. It’s not that hard, as it stands out with its bright shine compared to other stars. Regulus, however, has always been the more humble of the two brothers. James knows that he’s far more interested in astronomy than Sirius, and yet, he never once showed anyone the star he’s named after.

All members of the Black family are given names connected to astronomy. James thinks it’s kind of sad that the only beautiful thing their parents give them are their names.

Children of the stars.

Forced to burn.

“Sorry?” Regulus looks at him, confused.

“Reg, for someone I think is intelligent, you really—”

“I know what you mean,” Regulus interrupts, leaning in to see his perspective. Then, he takes James’s hand and points it toward a specific spot. “That’s the Leo constellation, and here is Regulus. It’s still visible in May, but the next time it’ll be visible again is in October,” James nods, trying to remember exactly where the star is so he can find it later.

“It’s almost as bright as Sirius,” James observes. Regulus nods slightly, confirming James’s words.

“It’s one of the brightest stars. Not as much as my brother’s, but still.” James can’t help himself and glances at the boy next to him. He continues staring out the window. He seems completely different from how he usually is. When James sees him at school, he’s never fully relaxed. It’s as if he never feels comfortable. Now, it’s different. His shoulders are lowered, and his gaze doesn’t skip from one point to another.

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.” James expects to hear a mocking chuckle or another sharp remark, but none of that happens. Instead, Regulus turns to face him and does nothing. He simply stares at him. Behind his blue eyes, there’s something that can’t usually be seen, and that moment feels more intense than all the others they’ve shared before. James wants to tell him that since Barty’s birthday, he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about him, but he doesn’t. He just hopes that Reg already knows.

He never thought he could look at Regulus this way. He probably shouldn’t, but it’s not like James can control his feelings. There’s little chance that anything could come of this. Potter would give anything for that to happen, but realistically, there are too many obstacles in their way. Sirius is still his friend, he’s finishing school soon and leaving for university, while Reg will stay here for another year. Despite everything, James, like anyone, is a little selfish, so he lets the moment linger. He wishes it could last as long as possible.

It ends way too soon when the door to Regulus’ room opens again. They both turn their heads, and this time they see Sirius. He immediately shoots them a suspicious glance. He doesn’t speak right away, which isn’t a good sign, because it’s nothing like him.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, his gaze jumping several times between Regulus and James. Of course, there’s no explanation in his mind as to why his friend is now in his brother’s room when everyone else is downstairs. “Prongs?” In James’ head, no good excuse comes up. The silence feels too long by a few seconds.

“Come on, Sirius. James was showing me how to play a song,” Regulus saves them from the situation. The older Black notices the guitar lying in the corner of the bed and seems to calm down.

“Come downstairs. Lily and Moony made pasta for everyone,” he says and leaves right away. This just means he believed Reg’s explanation. James exhales the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. The younger Black has already started putting the instrument back in its case. Potter watches him and doesn’t know what to say.

“Is everything okay?” he finally asks. Regulus gives him a careful look and then nods. When the guitar is safely stored, he walks to the door and turns around to see if the older boy is following him.

“Shall we go? Sirius will be back here soon,” he rightly points out. James notices that Reg is hesitating to say something else, but in the end, he does. “This can’t happen again. Ever. Okay?” James successfully hides how disappointed he is. Today, they weren’t forced into a kiss. Reg did it on his own, and James must be stupid to think it might have meant something to him.

“It didn’t mean anything?” he asks nonchalantly.

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Chapter Text

Boston was truly something special, and James only realized this after a year of living in the city. The first two semesters of college passed very quickly. He had received a sports scholarship to attend and, although he didn’t have all his friends with him, it turned out that Mary was also attending, albeit for a different program, but they were both at Harvard. It was easier to adjust to the new place with a friend by his side. Together, they explored the city and met new people, spending long weekends visiting friends scattered across different cities and states.

James was incredibly proud of all of them. Remus and Lily got into medical school, exactly where they wanted, and Sirius suddenly decided he dreamed of New York. Potter was almost certain that it was the tall brunet there who attracted him more than the city itself. Peter wanted to go to the University of California, so the blonde visited him most often by plane. Marlene and Dorcas decided to take a gap year and travel around Europe. Sometimes they sent postcards from the most different countries.

His life probably couldn’t be going any better. In Boston, he already had friends, people close to him, and others he cared less about. He studied enough to pass all his exams with only one retake, attended training sessions in the afternoons, and occasionally had time to go to the skatepark. It was a bit boring on his own, but he eventually found friends there too.

He didn’t think about high school as much anymore. He missed the practices with the first team and the times when football was more of a passion than an obligation, but he understood that it was just the way things went. He had found his place at Harvard, and it didn’t take long for him to start noticing some positives in how his life was currently unfolding.

The semester started a few days ago, and now he was sitting in an incredibly boring lecture. He was texting Mary, who wasn’t replying, so her classes must be more interesting. He glanced around the room where other students were also doing something on their phones or studying their notes, probably for a different subject. James didn’t even think today’s topic was boring. It was more likely the fault of the professor, who spoke as though he regretted every decision that led him to this point.

The lecture was held in a large hall, and a few rows below James spotted Hestia Jones. She was the third person from Boston who might want more from him than just some casual flirting and a few exchanged kisses at a party. He thought she was sweet, always knew what to say, was definitely confident, and it didn’t take long to notice how empathetic she was. The problem might be with him, because even though a year had passed, he still looked for those one blue irises in every pair of eyes and all the sarcastic comments and nasty remarks that a certain person had once thrown his way.

It had been a year, and it was stupid that he still thought about that kiss in Regulus’ room. It had felt like the most real thing that had ever happened in his life, and Black had told him it didn’t mean anything. They hadn’t spoken since then. Regulus had clearly wanted to, but James had run away every time he tried. He felt humiliated enough because Reg had surely realized that, for him, that evening had meant everything.

The lecture finally ended, and the professor bid the students farewell. James quickly spotted the brunette, who seemed surprised, almost as if she hadn’t expected to show up at the first lecture with her dreaded professor.

“Hey. You look nice. That color suits you,” he complimented her turquoise dress, and she sent him a smile. “I was thinking maybe you’d want to grab a coffee or something tomorrow? It’s been a while,” he suggested. He didn’t even know why. He wasn’t trying to give Hestia any hopes of anything, but he still considered her a good friend. Maybe, if he got close enough, he’d feel something and finally forget about his hopeless crush on Regulus Black.

“Hey, James. I’d love to go out somewhere with you. I’m in a rush for swimming class now, but we can talk later on the phone?” She nodded and waved to him before disappearing around the corner.

His classes were over for the day, so he put his headphones on to avoid the complete silence on the way back to the dorm. He pushed his way through crowds of students when suddenly he felt a hand on his forearm. He frowned, irritated, because someone wanted to stop him when he was eager to just get to his room and prepare for training. He turned around, furrowing his brows, when the man in front of him was breathing heavily, as if he had just run a few kilometers. Then he raised his head, and James froze for a few seconds.

He should have recognized that slight frame and dark curls, though they were a bit longer now. He scanned the guy. His sharp facial features, almost black hair, and limbs slightly too long for his height. He refused to look into his eyes. Ironically, that coldest shade of blue always made James feel a little warmer.

“James,” the guy simply said, but now there was anger in James. Of all the universities in the States, he had to pick this one?

“What are you doing here? Did Sirius tell you where I study? Are you some kind of stalker or what?!” He didn’t know if Regulus had stopped hiding it or if it was easier for him to notice now, but he saw the hurt in his face. He had no remorse, though. He had spent all this time trying to forget about him, and maybe now, when he was slowly starting to prefer warm brown over cold blue, Reg showed up again.

“No… fuck. Sirius didn’t tell me anything. We don’t talk much because my parents are still furious he didn’t go to Harvard,” he explained quickly. His voice sounded sad. James didn’t want to think that he was the reason for it.

“Ah, so that’s why you’re here? Still meeting other people’s expectations and never doing something that’s true to yourself?” James mocked, and Regulus seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. “At least your parents managed to send one son to the place they dreamed of.”

“You say that as if you weren’t studying here yourself,” Regulus replied, and there was an accusation in it, but it was much more uncertain than usual. Regulus looked embarrassed, and James felt pleased that, for once, he was the one laying down the cards and playing by his rules.

“The difference is that I wanted to be here, and you’re doing what they told you. You’re too afraid to fight for what’s yours, Reg. You’ve always been like that,” James dared to look him in the eyes this time and almost lost it. He almost softened and tried to understand what was going through Regulus’ head. But this time, James was the stronger one. “Good luck with your studies, or whatever,” he said before walking away, his mind in turmoil, a turmoil that shouldn’t have been there.

The way to the dorm passed quickly, mostly because he had a lot to think about. He even forgot about the headphones, which were now around his neck. This definitely wouldn’t be the last time he’d cross paths with Regulus in the Harvard hallways, and he didn’t know how he’d endure it. Ignoring the guy had always been difficult, and even though a whole year had passed, it turned out nothing had changed in that regard.

He wondered if he had treated him too coldly. He regretted letting emotions take over again. He had seen the hurt in the other boy’s eyes and hated himself for being the one who caused it. But he didn’t regret what he had said. Maybe he was to blame for falling for Regulus after that kiss at the party, but Regulus had played with his feelings, kissing him again, completely without reason.

From the guy’s Instagram, which James had only followed closely for the first two months after moving out, he had gathered that Regulus had briefly dated Kingsley. At least that’s what the pictures they posted together suggested. That drove James crazy. Jealousy burned more with each new post, until finally, it stopped. In its place, there was pain, which he still didn’t know how to deal with. Mary somehow figured out what was going on, so he finally told her everything, and at his request, she blocked Regulus from his account. He probably wouldn’t have been able to do it himself.

He doesn’t even notice the tears as he reaches the dorm. His friend is already there, having gotten a spare key from him. James’s roommate dropped out after the first year, and Potter is still waiting to be assigned a new one.

“Hey, Jamsie. I thought we’d watch the next episode of our favorite show. I still can’t believe Lara chose him,” she suddenly stops when she notices his glassy eyes. “Hey, what’s going on?” she immediately pulls him into a hug, and he stops holding back. He hasn’t cried this much in a long time — maybe never since he was seventeen. The girl tenses a little, likely worried about what could have happened to bring him to this state.

“I met Regulus. He’s probably going to study here,” he says, trying not to worry her unnecessarily. “It’s pathetic,” he adds, pulling away.

“That’s not pathetic, James. Regulus didn’t treat you well, and you have every right to feel that way. Did you see him? Or…?”

“I talked to him. He noticed me and came over. I might not have been the nicest,” he admits, and guilt once again causes an unpleasant tightening in his stomach. He wishes he didn’t feel it, but he is probably just too kind to treat people the way they deserve.

“Oh no. We are not going to feel sorry for ourselves here, especially not regret that you treated him the way you should have. It wasn’t fair on his part, no matter what it meant or didn’t mean.”

“Mary, but I still think about him,” fatigue mixes with sadness as he wonders why this has to come back to him at the worst moment. Moving out seemed like the best way to leave old feelings behind in his hometown, but it turns out it’s not, and he must have particularly bad luck. His day had been rather uneventful, even a bit boring. The familiar routine he was supposed to return to after the holiday break even felt safe. However, it was quickly shattered by one very brief encounter, which would haunt his thoughts for the rest of the day, maybe even the week.

“I know, sweetheart,” she sits across from him and squeezes his hands. “Sometimes feelings don’t listen to reason. Do you remember my brief crush on Lily? I hated myself for ruining our friendship over it. I know how you feel right now. You deserve something good today. Do we go out for drinks, or stay here and do a binge-watch?” she asks, wanting to know what he needs, and James once again thinks about how wonderful his friends are.

“Binge-watch sounds good. But I get to choose what we watch,” he immediately points out, reaching for the remote on the nightstand.

“I’ll let you pick this one time. Wait a second, I bought ice cream earlier.”

James already knows that this year won’t be easy, but it could always be worse. After all, the time he’s already spent here should have helped dull his feelings for his friend’s brother. Maybe he was even on the right track to help them fade a little because today, on his own, he invited Hestia out and really wanted to do it.

However, seeing Regulus was the worst thing that could have happened. His fear, when he must have realized it was him who approached James, and suddenly wasn’t sure what to say, and the hurt when Potter turned out to be colder than usual. James didn’t care whether Regulus now realized his feelings were never platonic. That was the past, and he intended to focus on a new person and relationship.

He picks a comedy just as the brunette returns, carrying a large tub of vanilla ice cream and two spoons. She asks Mary if she wants to stay the night since his roommate’s bed is still free, and James thinks that maybe this evening won’t be so bad. This time, he’ll be stronger and push his feelings aside.

“You’re the best,” he tells her when Macdonald throws him one spoon and lies down beside him.

“I know,” she replies before opening the tub. “Oh, and James, you can keep your heart however long you want, but if you see a chance and all your feelings come back, don’t hold a grudge. Forget about it, and do what’s true to your heart. You might regret it later, but love is hard enough without complicating it more . Make it easy.” James isn’t sure whether he should thank her for these words or yell at her. They make him doubt again, and he’s not so sure anymore if he’s ready for a new relationship.

“Okay, Mary,” he sends her a small smile, and she returns it, which seems to answer everything. Finally, he grabs the remote, but doesn’t start the movie right away. “Was it Emmeline who turned you into such a poet?” he asks, not looking at his friend, because she jabs him in the arm.

“Shut up, James,” but there’s a smile in her voice, and he doesn’t need to look to know she’s blushing.

xxx

The walk from the dorm to the small café hidden around the corner is short. The place is located on one of the side streets, almost as if it’s hidden from tourists. James knows that this is where Hestia’s favorite coffee is served, so it’s no surprise that she suggests it for their outing. He waits by the entrance a bit before their agreed time because she doesn’t like being late.

The September sun isn’t bothering the locals today like it usually does, and it’s one of the reasons James wakes up with a slightly better mood than yesterday. Another reason is the short brunette who spots him and waves from afar. He smiles at her before waving back.

He really likes her. He doesn’t know if it’s romantic feelings, maybe it’s still too soon for that. In any case, Hestia is a good friend, and it’s important to have at least a few of those in the field you’re studying. They met by chance. They had both woken up a bit too late to write one of their essays, and it turned out that there was only one copy left of the book the professor had recommended for the essay. James went to get it just as the brunette was standing in front of the librarian’s desk holding the last copy he was looking for. She suggested they write their essays together, and that’s how they started meeting every day in the library. Eventually, their meetings extended beyond the university walls — first with parties and groups of friends, and then with solo outings.

“Hey, James,” she greets him with a quick hug. The brunette nods toward the door, and they step inside. The aroma of coffee and the smell of freshly baked goods immediately hits his nose. There are a lot of teenage girls here, probably because the seasonal fall coffee returned to the menu last week, available only this season, a few middle-aged couples, and a group of students with laptops and notebooks. They pick one of the last available tables, but they’re lucky enough to snag the one by the window.

“I recommend this coffee. I don’t blame those girls,” she says, pointing at the seasonal special.

“I’ll try it then. Do you want something sweet with it? I’ll go get it for us,” he offers, already deciding what he’s going to order.

“Get me a cinnamon roll,” she decides after a moment, and he stands up and heads to the counter.

He freezes when he sees who is standing a few people ahead of him in the queue. He can’t help but think the whole world must be mocking him, because, of course, it’s Regulus Black. Out of all the cafés in Boston, he had to choose this one. He hopes he’ll be able to return to Hestia unnoticed and tell her the truth, but Regulus turns around. He looks at him for several seconds, which feel like an eternity to James. Potter sees the slightly parted lips and the focused look on Regulus’s face, as if he’s considering what to do. James decides to leave the decision to him. Maybe this is the moment when the fate of their relationship is decided. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s not going to interfere. It’s Regulus’s turn to lay his cards on the table.

The barista calls him. Regulus picks up his coffee and doesn’t leave but instead heads toward James. Potter feels a strange sense of relief, but the understanding of it will come later.

“Hey, again,” Regulus says, staring at his coffee and suddenly avoiding eye contact. He doesn’t seem uncertain, but rather contrite like a child who’s done something wrong.

“Is that all you have to say to me?” It might seem a bit rude, but his tone is much softer than when they spoke yesterday.

“No… Do you have a moment? I can wait until you get your coffee, and maybe we can talk on the way to the dorms,” James doesn’t want to refuse him, but he knows Hestia is waiting, and he doesn’t want to leave her hanging. He also realizes that refusing will make Regulus withdraw again, so he opts for honesty, not an excuse.

“I came with someone—”

“No, it’s okay. I understand. That was stupid,” Regulus immediately starts, and James doesn’t recognize the Regulus from a year ago, who had mostly treated him with sarcasm and bluntness.

“Let me finish. It’s fine,” James sees Regulus glance behind him, as if trying to guess who he might have come with, which can’t be hard, since Hestia is surely aware of the situation and is watching them. James notices the same furrowed brow that had appeared when Regulus approached him and Peter that one evening, looking like he was jealous. But James isn’t going to fall for that again.

“No, James. This doesn’t make sense. I already messed it up, and I don’t deserve a conversation,” Regulus says before walking out, leaving him in shock. Potter returns to the line, disappointed and confused. Regulus has left him with more questions and is feeding his habit of overanalyzing every little situation.

“Go after him,” Hestia’s voice breaks through his thoughts, and he turns around, surprised. He knows who she means, but he’s still shocked that she’s giving up on their meeting. He tries to read her face for any hint, but she just smiles genuinely at him.

“Go on. You like him, right?”

“I did, but—”

“James, don’t lie to me. I saw you thinking about someone else for a long time.”

“And what about our meeting? I told him we could talk another time,” he’d love to run after Regulus, but he tries to convince the girl to drink her coffee because he feels bad leaving her here. He knows he doesn’t have much time to decide before Regulus disappears around a corner. However, the girl seems to make his decision easier when she laughs softly.

“I’m fine, really,” she seems amused by the whole situation, which calms James down. “I’ll get myself a coffee and visit my parents who live nearby. You go catch him. I expect you to tell me all about it later,” she adds, with mock seriousness, and he nods eagerly before quickly hugging her and running toward the door.

“I love you, Hestia! I owe you the biggest coffee!” he suddenly shouts, now strangely more cheerful, ignoring the surprised looks from half the café’s customers.

Catching up to Regulus turns out to be surprisingly easy. James dodges tourists wearing “Boston loves you” t-shirts, almost bumping into them and building a less-than-ideal reputation with the locals. However, none of this matters when he sees the curls he’s been searching for. He runs faster because the boy is approaching the crosswalk, and he catches up to him just before they reach it. He grabs him by the shoulder, and Regulus pulls his headphones out of his ears. James is reminded of the situation from yesterday, except this time, they’ve switched roles.

Potter can read people. Contrary to what most might think, he’s not that bad at it. Over time, he’s gotten better, and it’s actually quite easy. However, he’s always had trouble with Regulus. It’s not just because Regulus is more closed off than others, offering little pieces of himself on a silver platter. Regulus throws him off every time James is sure he has him figured out. James wants to know what’s going on in his head. Even now, when he’s looking at him with a lack of self-confidence that seems so foreign on his face. James never knows if the brunette will suddenly return to his hatred or show him his star in the sky. Regulus is simply enigmatic, and maybe that’s what really caught James’s attention.

“What about your…?”

“My friend. Hestia is a friend,” James quickly clarifies, as though it should matter. Maybe it does to him, because the tension seems to lift from him.

He looks softer now. None of his usual sharpness or vigilance is visible. James feels an odd urge to run his fingers through his hair and push it away from his face. He shakes himself out of it and swallows, waiting for Regulus to speak. He hopes that he still wants to talk because nothing else has ever mattered to him so much. He remembers Mary’s words from the night before.

“Will you give me a chance to explain everything?” There’s a certain pleading in his eyes that James still can’t quite read. And he really wants to, hoping this conversation might finally give him all the answers. He’d love to have it right now, on the sidewalk, surrounded by people, but he knows those aren’t the most comfortable conditions.

“Yeah. But not here? I know a nice place, come on,” his first impulse is to grab the boy’s hand, like he does with Mary when the crowd is so big they might get separated. However, Regulus isn’t his close friend, so he refrains and simply nods for him to follow.

James is sure Regulus doesn’t know about the rooftop terrace of one of the restaurants. Firstly, he hasn’t lived in Boston long enough, and secondly, not many people know about it. Emmeline first showed it to Mary, and she took James there once. The views are incredible because you can see a large part of the city’s most beautiful area. Plus, you’d have to be really unlucky to run into anyone there, and James hopes this one thing will work in his favor today. He doesn’t want anyone to interrupt their conversation because the roof is small enough that they’d have to whisper to keep anyone else from hearing.

Just before they cross the street, he looks up and is pleased to see no one’s ahead of them. He feels Regulus’s questioning gaze when he opens a door hidden by the dumpster, revealing a narrow corridor and stairs. He doesn’t say anything because he wants it to be a surprise. He manages to surprise Regulus, as the boy literally opens his mouth when they finally step out onto the roof, and before them stretches the breathtaking panorama of Boston.

“It’s a beautiful place,” Black remarks, and James nods and smiles because he’s managed to surprise the boy. However, he quickly becomes serious, as the real reason for their visit comes back to him. He knows this conversation may change nothing or it may change everything. He has a strange feeling that there are only those two options and nothing in between.

“The view is amazing, isn’t it?” He walks over to the edge and sits down on the floor. He doesn’t have to wait long before Regulus joins him. The silence is uncomfortable this time, and James thinks that once again, he’ll be the one to break it. He exhales when he tries to speak, but Regulus interrupts him.

“Listen, I panicked. Back then, a year ago… It always meant something to me. Even the first time, during the game. I’ve liked you for a long time, but it couldn’t happen, and that evening, I was just being selfish. I wanted to steal some last moment for myself before you left for college,” and suddenly, James understands. He recalls the glances and teasing from Pandora, who surely knew everything. Peter didn’t suspect anything, and Regulus was really jealous. He still doesn’t understand the whole situation with Kingsley, but for now, he lets Regulus speak. The time for questions will come soon. “I’m sorry. It was really stupid. I know you probably hate me now and might even think I’m some stalker who came here after you, or that I only listen to my parents, but I really wanted to go to Harvard. I didn’t even know you were studying here too.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? What were your reasons?” James asks, perhaps a bit desperately. He knows that it wouldn’t have been the best idea to get into a serious relationship back then, but “what ifs” have always been the enemies of James.

“You were leaving, James. And then there was Sirius, you wouldn’t do that to him,” James thinks about it and wonders if he would have risked his friendship with Padfoot. Probably, yes. “And besides…”

“And besides what?”

“I didn’t believe you could feel anything for me. I pushed you away for years because it was my defense mechanism against my feelings. I thought I had made you hate me. And then, when it turned out that wasn’t the case, I thought you only saw me as Sirius’s younger brother. Someone to take care of because of some stupid, unspoken, brotherly pact. Whatever you want to call it,” James thinks that he is just as sad now as Regulus. Maybe their reasons are completely different, but somehow they connect, and that gives hope.

“Do you remember when we were younger and I told you I saw Regulus in you? I like you for who you are?” he knows Regulus remembers, because Regulus flinches for a split second.

“I remember. I thought that had changed. After that, we didn’t keep in touch that much. Of course, it was my fault, but—”

“It will never change, Reg. I really like you for who you are. It’s strangely adorable when you insult me and disagree with every little opinion I have,” he laughs quietly, managing to make Regulus chuckle too. But then he becomes serious, and Regulus notices the hope in his eyes.

“I still like you, James. I never stopped,” he confesses, and it feels like the most sincere thing James has heard from him today, and he doesn’t doubt that the rest of the words were true as well. “Do you hate me?”

“Reg,” he dares to say and takes his hands in his own, gently squeezing them. “No matter what you did or said to me, I could never hate you. It’s just impossible.”

“You’re too good for this world,” maybe James’s risk rubs off on Regulus, because now it’s him who cautiously rests his head on the older boy’s shoulder, looking out at the view ahead. They don’t speak for several minutes, simply enjoying each other’s company and the unusually beautiful sunset over crowded Boston.

xxx

Maybe there are still many things they need to explain to each other, but for now, this seems to be enough.

This time, James doesn’t return to the dorm alone. Mary is there, her eyes wide, and then she runs off, throwing some excuse, even though James repeatedly tells her she can stay.

On the way, Regulus tells him a bit more. About how he tried to fall in love with Kingsley, and how Pandora yelled at him because it wasn’t okay. About Sirius’s departure and how hard it was to live in a house that became quieter than usual. James also learned that Barty and Evan dropped out of college and are now in Las Vegas, where they end up in jail for a few days at least once a month.

James also tells him how hard it was to adjust to Boston at first, and that Mary was the only reason he didn’t go crazy. He talks about new friends Regulus needs to meet, and Regulus seems most interested in James’s relationship with Hestia. Together, they come up with the idea that they must meet up someday and play guitars together. Maybe it’ll take them some time to get there, but right now, it seems easy. Not entirely impossible. The strange tension has disappeared, and their relationship has never been so relaxed. Sometimes, it’s almost as if nothing ever happened, and they didn’t get stuck at a very strange point for a whole year.

At first, they think about watching a movie, but the TV stays off. They talk, catching up on all the years they’ve lost. It’s so easy. James has never talked so easily with anyone, and he has the ability to find topics with anyone. Maybe it’s because he really wants to know Regulus’s opinion on every possible subject. It seems to be a mutual feeling because Regulus also asks him about various things and listens with interest, even when James forgets himself and starts talking too much again. It’s unclear when it gets dark outside, and the hours seem to pass too quickly. Regulus is the first to notice that it’s 10:00 PM.

“I should get going,” he points to the clock, and James nods, not happy about it. He quickly comes up with a solution. He bites his tongue, because maybe he shouldn’t. After all, they’ve just started talking again. Regulus turns out to be better at reading people than he is, and immediately notices that James is hesitating.

“Say it, James. I can see you’re losing it.”

That doesn’t encourage James but makes him even more nervous.

“Do you want to stay for the night? I still haven’t been assigned a roommate, so there’s a free bed. I know we have classes tomorrow, but I’d wake up early with you and get the necessary notes. Clothes aren’t a problem either, I’ll lend you something comfortable to sleep in—”

“Sure.”

“Sure?”

“Sure, James,” Regulus laughs, and James quickly joins him. He feels like he’s been looking for a home his whole life, and he’s just found it in the sound of the younger boy’s laugh.

“I’ll find you some clothes.”

He reaches for his suitcase, which still isn’t unpacked. He thinks he should get on that soon. He finds a red t-shirt and the smallest sweatpants he has. Regulus thanks him with a nod and heads to take a shower. During that time, James pulls out his phone, bombarded with question marks sent by his friend. He texts her briefly, summarizing everything and leaving the details for himself and Regulus. He knows she’ll probably ask him a lot of questions at the next opportunity.

When he turns off the light and leaves just the lamp on, Regulus comes out of the bathroom. His cheeks are pinker than usual when he looks at James, who can’t help but scan his figure and notices it. He had given Regulus his old high school team shirt, which has his last name and number on the back. He hadn’t realized it was the one, because he didn’t even know he’d packed it. He hadn’t seen it in his closet for a long time, and it must have ended up in the suitcase by accident.

“You can give me a new one if it bothers you.”

James thinks he’s never seen Regulus so embarrassed. It’s even more adorable than when he teases him.

“It doesn’t bother me. I even like it,” he sees Regulus’s cheeks turn an even more furious shade of pink. “You’re cute when you blush.”

“Shut up, Potter,” Regulus replies immediately and sits on the unoccupied bed, avoiding James’s gaze but not hiding a small smile. James can’t stop himself from reacting similarly.

“I thought we were really done with the whole ‘Potter’ thing.”

“Never.”

While taking a shower, James thinks about how quickly they’ve become so at ease. He still remembers all the pain he felt and knows that this is just the beginning. But he also knows about the childhood the Black brothers had, which Regulus seems to cope with better, though maybe that’s not true at all. Maybe he has to hide more of himself, change even more, because he doesn’t express his anger the way Sirius did. But James intends to be here and help him with everything if he just asks.

He feels an incredible sense of relief, even though just a few weeks ago, he never thought he’d even get to talk to Regulus. That old James would never have believed it, and yet, when he comes out of the bathroom, the boy is still here. He’s lying on the bed, looking so soft, completely different than when he’s awake. The tension disappears again, and he seems so relaxed, and James only thinks that he wouldn’t mind seeing that sight every night. He covers him with a blanket before lying down himself. He can’t fall asleep for a long time, but this time, the corners of his mouth ache from constantly smiling.