Chapter Text
The youkai had been excited for weeks. The fortune telling mistress was coming to Yatsuhara.
“You must meet her Natsume.”
“Surely someone as powerful as you must have the best of fortunes.”
He didn’t personally want to hear his fortune. With his parents and his grandmother dying far before old age. He doesn’t have a lot of hope for his life span, getting his fortune told only sounds like something anxiety inducing.
It all becomes moot when the reason she’s in town is because, of course, Reiko took her name.
When he agrees to meet her, the youkai are ecstatic.
“She’s very powerful, I’m sure she will only give you good fortune.”
Natsume doubts. Despite his happiness here, he’s never shaken the idea that it could be cut short. He doesn’t want a fortune.
Still, he climbs the forest trail to her meeting place. She’s placed up high on a pair of tall rocks, almost enshrining her.
Like the forest, she’s cloaked in deep greens and browns. Her face is concealed, and a small bright gold eye peaks out, the beauty she presents is ethereal. He imagines her fading if he were to look away.
“I’ve come to return your name.” He states simply. He has a large audience this time, many having followed him up the mountain, the fortune teller surrounded by her own entourage.
It reminds him a bit of the stone washer. It often seems like he stumbles upon the youkai world’s most revered with a fair amount of frequency.
“I know, I am grateful, young Natsume Takashi.”
It’s unusual that he hears his first name from a youkai. It brings him up short, but he returns her name just the same, with awe and reverence from their audience.
He’s exhausted as usual, but the vision he sees only has him smiling. Reiko did not receive a fortune, though she was promised one if she ever wished for it. They had played a pleasant game over conversation and Reiko’s smile had seemed more genuine somehow in the memory.
In the memory, this youkai was just as otherworldly, if not more powerful than the being that sits before him now. He’s grateful to return her name. He doesn’t want such a powerful name in the book.
As her name leaves the book, he can feel the energy drain on him all the more intensely, he slumps with its absence.
Nyanko-sensei is displeased as always, protesting with theatrics.
The youkai bows, “Since I never got to read my master’s fortune, I ask that you may allow me to read yours.”
There’s uproarious cheers at the offer, but Natsume shakes his head.
“I don’t want to know.”
The fortune teller tilts her cloaked head, the eye becoming piercing. “I sense that I can help you along with something of great importance. Would that change your mind? The choice is always yours.”
He swallows thickly and imagines his grandmother. If this could help with details about her then…
The mid-ranks speak up from the crowd, “Do not worry Natsume-sama, she would not tell your fortune if she thought it would harm you. She has so many types of fortunes! It’s a fun time for all of us.”
Nyanko-sensei isn’t much help either, only looking at him in question as if he doesn’t understand the hesitation.
Still, he hesitates. If it’s only good fortunes he’s not entirely opposed to it. “I—I’ll give it a try.”
The cheers are deafening. “Do not worry Natsume-sama.” The fortune teller bows, reassuring.
Her work is simple, she holds his hands, and he feels an energy course through his veins. He sees white teeth widen into a wide grin. It makes him want to run, before the smile booms with delight.
“How wonderful, child of man. You have a rare bond that yearns for completion. Your soul-bound to the priest's son!” The fortune teller says in obvious delight.
There’s more cheers from the crowd and a flurry of movement.
Natsume’s stomach ties itself into knots, “Soul bound? Is he okay?”
“To be soul bound is a wonderful thing and very rare, especially rare that the partnered soul is so close. You are already friends are you not?”
It doesn’t feel like a wonderful thing. “What does that mean exactly?”
“You are destined to traverse your lives together. For most humans it's something akin to marriage, for others it may mean something else. You must decide that child, but you have another soul who sings to yours. It is a beautiful thing. You were born fated to never be alone.”
Fated to never be alone.
It should be good news, but Natsume feels his breath coming faster at the words, his face heating.
They’re soulmates? Marriage? He’s destined to be with Tanuma all his life?
The notion sounds ridiculous. His feelings for Tanuma are complicated enough. The desire to protect him is always clashing with wanting to put his trust in him. He likes that Tanuma cares. He likes that Tanuma wants to know him, but he doesn’t want to be the reason he gets hurt. The reason he dies. The idea keeps him up at night, always bringing him to a breath hitching anxiety that he can’t resolve.
The fortune teller’s head tilts, confusion in her tone. “You already love him do you not? I know human customs are prone to frequent change, but affection is a wonderful thing. There is nothing wrong with your feelings, Natsume-sama.”
It’s too much, she knows too much. He thinks back to all the times he nearly got Tanuma killed. The Omabashira mansion, the mirror, his encounter with Misuzu, and so many others. He can barely breathe with the thought. .
“My existence puts him at risk,” Natsume gasps.
“We are all always at risk,” She replies softly. “Even someone as long lived as me.”
His ears are ringing. These are thoughts he’s had, but never entertained for even a second. He wouldn't dare, there’s no way Tanuma feels the same. To hope for such a thing feels irresponsible, if not disrespectful of their friendship.
When he can hear again, he realizes there’s sounds of cheering and planning surrounding him. A soul bonding ceremony?
He stands to stop them all, to calm them, but the youkai don’t hear him over the sound of their own excitement.
“We shall have to celebrate! To have a soul bound to another is such a rare and wondrous thing!” One small youkai says as the midranks cheer.
They seem oblivious to his panic, the midranks throw him over their heads, bouncing him in cheer.
Hinoe appears from the crowd, and crushes his face between her hands in delight. “How unusual for a child of man! Of course Natsume would have such a thing.”
He turns towards the fortune teller who sits pleasantly, her sleek gold eye all too wise in its unsettling nature. Despite her appearance, she looks happy for him. Nyanko-sensei sits beside her, watching him with knowing eyes.
—
Natsume does not tell Tanuma the whole story. He tells pieces.
“There was a fortune telling ritual and—“
He doesn’t know how to lie about this. The words want to stumble out of his mouth and he forces them to align.
“I-ah- you were mentioned in the fortune. Now the youkai have this idea of some sort of ceremony in their heads. They want us there and I…” There’s no words that come to mind, no way to explain it without hinting at some sort of romantic connotation. “I guess they’ve been placing offerings to both of us. Sorry for the trouble.”
The gears are turning in Tanuma’s head. He is not stupid, he knows Natsume’s not telling him everything. Tanuma has been bolder lately, and he waits for the follow up question that will call him out.
“That doesn’t explain why you’re so upset.”
Natsume holds in his emotions. There’s a part of him that just wants to blurt it out, put it on the table to see how he feels. Get any rejection over with and see if their friendship will survive it.
Tanuma is very worried, that much is obvious. But fierce friendship doesn’t mean he’s comfortable with Natsume having romantic feelings or some sort of fortune deciding that they should be married.
The fortune teller did say it can mean whatever they want. But it’s pretty obvious to Natsume why she said that, he’s so obvious to them, in all things. The youkai can see it as much as he can. He’s never had romantic feelings before, but if this feeling isn’t romantic, he isn’t sure what it could possibly be.
He thinks about Tanuma all the time. There’s a nervousness between them now, one that settles into ease and delight over the littlest of things. The idea that they could be something like romantic soulmates terrifies him. There's a very small part of him that wants to believe it. An even smaller part hoping Tanuma just might feel the same, even if the chances are impossibly slim. But if he believes and loses all of it, he’s not sure what would happen. Could he survive such a loss and stay in the same place? He would never dare get his hopes up for something like this.
But if there were anyone he’d have such a bond with, it would only ever be Tanuma. At least that much he’s sure of.
Natsume has never once considered marriage. He looks at Shigeru and Touko and it feels like an impossible dream for him to have something like that. It’s amazing enough that people like them wanted to take in someone like him; a constant burden of worry.
“It’s… the youkai have been visiting me all the time. Trying to prepare for this ceremony. I’ve been trying to keep it from affecting you. It’s— the fortune – it’s a little personal I guess.”
A small truth mixed in makes the words come easier. Tanuma’s eyes widen, he’s not sure how to decipher the look. He’s clearly surprised, but there’s some emotion there. He wonders if he’ll put it together.
“Are you not comfortable with me attending this… ceremony you said?” Tanuma asks, only softness in his voice.
Natsume shakes his head. “I don’t want you to have to do something against your will.”
“Whatever it is, I’m willing.”
The connotations nearly choke him. Tanuma’s face turns red, Natsume is sure his expression is the same.
Natsume thinks it over. He knows he’ll never get the words out. Maybe when Tanuma sees things how they really are in the next few days, he’ll understand.
If he understands, what then? Will they still be friends at least?
“I— okay. I think they want to celebrate in a few days. They’ll visit you with gifts, none of it should be harmful, they seem…enthusiastic. Just tell me if they give you any trouble.” Natsume sighs. He has no way of stopping the youkai and he has no way of delaying things as they are.
Tanuma’s shoulders lift, ease returning to his expression. “In that case, let me show you this kimono that showed up at my house.”
He turns his bag around and lifts the garment from it. Natsume can see the flowers he mentioned stuffed inside.
This sick feeling in his stomach, he hates it. It feels like he’s lying. The truth seems worse. But he wants to trust Tanuma, whatever that means.
The kimono unfolds, fabric cascading down in an elegant display. Every piece of it catches his eyes, the softly painted branches at the shoulders. The light coloring on the collar. The way the petals fall down the fabric. It’s beautiful, as ethereal as a piece of fabric could be. Purples and greens mixed into an elegantly crafted array. Some of the stitching moves as if alive, and he knows why Tanuma brought this to him.
“This kimono was made in the youkai realm, some of the patterns move actually,” Natsume tells him, watching as the flowers shimmer as if moved by wind.
“They move?” Tanuma’s lips pull into a grin. “They just look a little off to me. Still, but like they’re blurring? That’s so cool.”
“Does it give you a headache?”
“No, I could just feel it was unnatural. Think it’s safe to wear?”
Natsume deliberates, he normally wouldn’t risk it at all. But he can tell whoever gave Tanuma this made it with love and care. “Maybe. But not for too long? You could wear it at the celebration.”
He blushes at the thought. There’s a heavy implication that this is a kimono meant to be worn for a marriage ceremony. Not only that, he’s not sure if it’s even meant for a man. Youkai don’t have as distinct concepts on gender. He wonders if Tanuma has noticed its intent, or if it appears so different to ordinary eyes.
Tanuma doesn’t say anything against it, if anything, he looks like he will look forward to it. His eyes are eager. Something in Natsume twinges at the thought that he might know what it’s for, and still remains enthusiastic, but the thought feels like a dream, an impossibility.
“Anything else I should keep an eye out for?” Tanuma says, a small smile on his lips now.
The sight eases something in Natsume. Trying to avoid Tanuma has been difficult.
“They’ll probably bring you more of those flowers, but the youkai don’t seem malicious. I’ll have someone watch over you, just in case,” Natsume says automatically, completely forgetting exactly the kind of youkai he may ask for a favor.
Hinoe comes to mind, though she seemed a bit excited about his despair. Perhaps the mid-ranks would be safe for him to ask.
There would’ve been a time he asked Misuzu, but he doesn’t want him near Tanuma ever again after what happened last time.
Momentarily, he imagines all the youkai that will show up if this ceremony actually happens. It sets his stomach in knots, he shakes his head at the image.
“I’m sorry I was ignoring you. I’ll try something else,” Natsume says, feeling guilty. Ignoring Tanuma is the last thing he wants to do, even if he’s hiding a secret.
Tanuma’s eyes are soft and forgiving. “Just warn me next time.”
Natsume’s chest aches fiercely. He wonders if Tanuma has ever had this feeling. If he had it, who it was for, if this sort of thing is always this hard.
There’s a tension when Natsume doesn’t smile back. He can see his friend’s smile waver, and he forces the reassuring gesture. “I’ll try. I’d rather keep you out of it if I can.”
Tanuma lips press into a line at that, and Natsume hurries to soothe, “Not because I don’t want you there, I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
Tanuma sighs and nods, releasing the tension, “You don’t have to explain, I understand. We’ve been over this, but I still don’t want you risking yourself for us in the same way.”
An argument that continues to reoccur for them. “I know, I know.”
In some ways, this is as close to a fight as they ever get. Natsume fails to communicate enough and it hurts his friends in the process. It’s a cycle that seems to keep occurring, no matter how much better he’s gotten. He will always have secrets and as much as he tries not to, there are still things he can’t tell others for their own safety.
He thinks of Natori in moments like this, where isolation seems to pervade so much of his world. It’s in where he lives, how he speaks, the ways he reaches out to Natsume. In a lot of ways, Natsume is one bad day from that life. One bad enough mistake and he knows he’d give it all up for the same thing, to keep those he loves safe.
You need it, Natori had said.
His words still ring in his ears, because he does. He does need it. It scares him how badly. How essential these people have been to him. Tanuma especially, he dances the line of his human life and his youkai life, the only person who seems to understand why he can’t give either up.
Tanuma smiles at him gently and closes the distance between them. A reassuring hand on his shoulder and a shy look in his eyes. Like this, it’s hard to not let his mind run wild with the idea that maybe they could work out. That Tanuma could potentially feel something for him.
It’s not fair of him, but Tanuma is always there for him, far more than the contrary. An imbalance that seems unfair to him no matter how many times Tanuma reassures him.
There’s silence, not uncomfortable. The nearby birds fill it, and the sunlight backlighting Tanuma’s head in a halo feels all too relevant to the turmoil in his chest. There’s an apology on his tongue, a sting to his eyes that he suppresses. Tanuma must sense his sadness.
“We’ve missed enough of class, let's head back,” Tanuma says, in that tone he always uses. It’s nice.
Natsume loves his calm nature, he loves that Tanuma always stops to ensure Natsume is there. That deep consideration Tanuma always shows. Knowing that he won’t get left behind while he’s pulled into that other world. When it’s just the two of them like this, he stops to look too.
It’s not easy, being his friend. He knows he doesn’t always say the right thing, feels the looks he gets when he’s said something not right. He doesn’t know how to fix it.
And when it’s Tanuma, he also has to worry about when Natsume is late for class. The truth is heavy. There’s knowledge instead of speculation when he has a new bruise he has to hide. Or why he’s cold shouldering him so much.
When you are his friend, sometimes you’ll get dragged into a deadly scheme where the owner of a house wants to eat you. Sometimes a random youkai wants to eat you as payback, sometimes a trusted friend from that other world decides to possess you.
Being his friend is beyond a chore, it’s a trial. A dangerous one. Natsume always tries to keep this in mind when he wounds his friend’s feelings with his strange antics, but at the end of the day it is irrefutable that being his ally is a dangerous act.
Still, Tanuma does not walk ahead of him, he deliberately keeps pace at his side as they walk leisurely from Natsume’s youkai world back into his human one. As if it’s that simple.