Chapter Text
Nat thinks that if god struck her down now, just a good old smiting, she would probably accept that fate with the most open of arms.
She’s not even fucking religious, like at all. Back when her dad was still alive, they’d go maybe once every few months. Always at Christmas and Easter. The big events, to placate her dead grandparents. That tradition ended after about a year of the old man being six feet under, and Nat was truly grateful.
Natalie only thinks of god in this moment as sort of a last resort. Deep in the depths of her panic she believes that praying, if she should die literally right this fucking instant, she could at least make it to some sort of purgatory, rather than the fiery depths of hell itself.
Instead of dying on the spot, turning into a pile of ash, she lays stock still and frozen between two incredibly warm and soft bodies.
There’s a head of blond hair tucked beneath one arm, rhythmic slow breaths a strange comfort as the girl nuzzles in closer to Nat’s tense body.
On her other side, as close as possible so she’s not hanging over the side of the obnoxiously small hotel bed, a tall brunette has her arms wrapped tightly around the both of them. Like they’ll slip away if she ever let them go.
Nat is wrapped within the arms of two beautiful, perfect-in-every-way, girls and yet what does she do? Lay on her back with her arms unmoving and face uncomfortably warm. Whisper a low “Fuck you,” to no one in particular. Maybe god, maybe Tai and Van, maybe Shauna, maybe even Jackie fucking Taylor.
She sleeps, eventually, hard not too with the drooping of her eye-lids and the warm comfort seeping into her bones.
-
The blame to Nat’s middle of the night pretty girl induced gay panic can be traced all the way back to Mari.
Fucking Mari.
Who just couldn’t shut up if her life depended on it, always seeking to be in the upperclassmen’s presence. She was a decent soccer player, don’t get her wrong, but she just didn’t know how to be quiet.
Currently she was clinging onto Jackie, hooked on her every word, and always searching for her gaze, her attention.
Which Nat, as usual, simply ignored.
Until she was late to practice two weeks ago, red faced and panting. She hadn’t even been doing anything. This time. Sure, she’d hung out with Kevyn under the bleachers before class, and Travis tried to corner her to talk later in the day (she brushed him off, didn’t care too listen. Not anymore.) but it was nothing for Jackie to attack her about.
Later Van told her, while they drove her home, that Jackie and Shauna were in a fight. A direct cause of Jackie’s grumpy mood and Shauna’s brooding glares all throughout the day.
So when Nat shows up in a bit rougher shape than usual, Jackie practically rushes her, attempting to tower over her as Natalie laced up her cleats on the sidelines.
“Where the hell have you been, Scatorccio?” The shadow of her captain demands.
“Nowhere.” She grunts. She stands up to meet the frustration in Jackie’s eyes. In truth, Nat had been held up by the guidance counselor. A room she hadn’t set foot in since her dad died. A pointless meeting that only succeeded in angering her. Much like todays. It was just the usual spiel: grades need to go up, attendance needs to be more regular, no smoking on campus. Whatever.
Jackie, however, decided her being late and out of breath meant she’d been “hanging out” with Travis.
“Obviously not nowhere, you should’ve been on the field five minutes ago!” Jackie replied angrily.
“I had a meeting with the guidance counselor.” Nat huffs, she blows a piece of hair that’s already escaped her ponytail and obscured her vision. “Not that it’s your business.”
Jackie squints, pissed still, for whatever reason. “I don’t believe you.”
“What the fuck do you want me to say Taylor?” Nat stands up, facing her down, only slightly taller.
“I want the truth Natalie! Don’t lie to me, I’m your captain.”
“Oh you’re pulling rank now?” Nat rolls her eyes. Behind Jackie she can see the rest of the team gingerly approaching. Shauna’s carefully regarding the two of them, clearly ready to jump in between them. Van looks uncomfortable, and Tai looks vaguely annoyed. Laura Lee’s in the back, trying to peer over the rest of the juniors, while Lottie towers over them, hesitant glare directed at…Jackie?
It’s not that Lottie and Nat weren’t friends. They hung out, they paired up for drills, but mostly Lottie paired up with Laura Lee. Nat would steal smokes from Lottie at parties.
But Lottie seemed angry. Cool, calm, collected Lottie Matthews, who drew flowers in class rather than pay attention. Lottie Matthews, who wore cute skirts and ribbons in her hair, looked like she was restraining herself, seeing if Nat would need-back up? What is the look Lottie’s giving her now? A small smile and nod that Nat can’t decipher for the life of her.
Jackie scoffs. “You can’t even fucking look at me, you’re so out of it.”
Nat snaps her attention back to the shouting blonde in front of her, brow furrowing in anger. “Actually fuck off, I’m not high.”
“That’s a first.” Tai snarked, just a little louder than a mutter. Van elbows her in the stomach, and she lets out a soft oof .
“What does that mean?” Laura Lee asks. It’s not curious, genuine confusion, like she’s known for. It’s much more pointed. Like she’s daring Tai to repeat herself.
What the actual fuck was going on today?
“I mean that she consistently shows up to practice fucked up-”
“It was once Taissa oh my god. ” Lottie groaned, kicking at the turf beneath her feet.
“Hey! I don’t need you to speak for me, Matthews.” Lottie’s head turns at Nat’s shout, with a little apologetic wince that manages to annoy Nat further.
Nat feels cornered right now. A whole group of girls crowding her, most shouting, some laughing. It makes her irritated, makes her want to shout, yell, push something. Instead she takes the ball from Mari’s hands and drops it to the ground, holding it beneath her foot.
Except Mari had frowned when Nat had shouted at Lottie, and now she looked downright pissed that Nat had taken the ball from her.
“What the hell?” She asks.
Nat doesn’t spare her a glance and instead shouts over the mounting arguing. “Shut up! Can we just play already?”
The rest of the group grumbled but diffused, scattering across the field.
Since Coach Martinez was out, it meant Coach Scott was attempting to wrangle Varsity, JV and Misty Quigley all at once, so instead of running normal drills and forcing them to do suicides and laps, he got them to do a scrimmage.
Jackie automatically got chosen as Captain for the first team, and Lottie for the other. Nat, unfortunately, ended up on Jackie’s team, playing defense rather than as a winger. Tai was goalie for her team, and Van who could normally reign her in was on the other side of the field. Nat could feel Tai’s eyes drilling holes into the back of her head, while the sun beat down on her from above.
“-fuck is Nasty Natalie’s problem today, even?” Mari’s voice cut across from the center line, she’s leaning over to talk to Allie, the freshman hanging onto her every word, desperate to please the cool older girl giving her attention.
Allie shrugs, trying hard to seem cool, and Nat can’t help but focus in on their conversation. “No idea, could be withdrawal?”
Nat rolls her eyes, and looks over at Tai, returning the glare in a way she hopes convey “Your fault, asshole.” Tai doesn’t even look remorseful in any capacity, she just sneers at her.
The game is oddly tough, speed demon Shauna has her marked and keeps trying to trip her up, surprise her, and Nat’s stumbling around like a newborn deer.
Shauna has the ball, coming towards her, Nat’s running backwards and trying to steal it. Shauna looks up, trying to find someone to pass to and her eyes meet someone behind Nat. She still has the ball, she’s still pressing forwards and forcing Nat backwards. Shauna does a small fakeout that Natalie catches and she moves a foot to catch it.
It all happens in the same few seconds. Shauna moves the ball from her left foot to her right, Nat slides her right towards it and catches the tip of her foot in a small grown over hole in the field, someone skids past her to make Shauna’s pass while Nat struggles to regain balance.
Then she’s on the ground and a blinding white hot pain lances up through her arm, and then something slams into her face when she tries to get back up, leaning on the arm that’s in a fuck ton of pain.
She can’t catch her breath, gasping like a fish on land as she rolls over onto her back. “Fucking ow.” She groans out. Her eyes begin to sting, the corners of them burning as something wet rolls down her cheek and onto the grass below and she better not be fucking crying-oh.
Her hand that went to her face to wipe what she had immediately thought were tears comes back red and sticky. She was bleeding.
“Shit!” A voice yells. Shauna, maybe. Suddenly there’s a pair of warm hands encircling her good arm. The voices and the arms are disconnected, Nat decided belatedly.
“Shh, Natalie,” The same voice as whoever's holding her says, whispers close to her ear. Laura Lee. A shiver goes down Nat’s back. “It’s alright, it’s just blood.”
“M’ fine,” She grunts, she still can’t see clearly, pressing her eyes shut.
A new presence skids to a halt beside her, and they grab her arm, gingerly, gently, as if they’re afraid. “Nat, are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” She tries to sit up but the new person presses her back down.
“Nat just stay for a second.” The voice says. Nat finally identifies it as Lottie “What happened to her?”
Silence.
“Would someone fucking answer me?”
“Shauna kicked her in the face!” Mari’s grating voice blurts.
“What the fuck?” Comes an immediate reply. “I didn’t mean to, Lottie, I promise, I didn’t even realize she was on the ground until-”
“It’s fine Shauna, I believe you.” Lottie cuts off her nervous rambling, she continues, sharper. “How did she fall.”
“She wasn’t looking where she was going, I guess. She was super uncoordinated, kept stumbling every where. Are we sure she isn’t a little bit drunk.”
“Fuck you.” Nat coughs, Laura Lee’s arms tighten. She arranges the three of them, Nat’s head now on Laura Lee’s lap, to elevate her head. Lottie’s still holding her good hand and staring down the rest of the team.
Nat lifts her other arm to flip off whoever just talked, and finds it extremely difficult to move.
“What the fuck!” Van’s voice comes screeching. “Holy shit that’s-fuck me.”
“What?” Nat winces at how loud their voice is. “Why the fuck are you freaking like that.”
She doesn’t get a reply, instead someone else hisses towards Lottie; “What the fuck happened to her hand?”
Nat reluctantly opens her eyes, an overwhelming curiosity taking over. Her hand, or wrist more, is swelling, a light bruising beginning to form. It’s not the worst she’s seen, but fuck if it doesn’t hurt.
“I think-” Laura Lee hesitates. “I think it’s just sprained.”
“Fuck me.” Nat groans again, slumping further down, as much as she could, cradled by Laura’s legs. Laura Lee presses her lips into a thin line. Right, she doesn’t like swearing much. “Sorry, Lee.” Nat mutters. Laura Lee gives her a fond little head shake.
Lottie’s grimacing to the side, still looking at the hand. “You should go to the hospital Nat.”
“No!” She almost sits up, Laura Lee holds her down, hissing at her not to move too much. Lottie lets her eyes wander.
“Okay, fine. You’re coming to my place then. Laura Lee can you help me get her to the car?”
Nat bristles. Absolutely not, it’s beginning to feel too much like pity.
“I said I’m fine, Matthews.” She shrugs Laura Lee’s arms off her. “I’ll just go sit on the bench until it’s time to go.”
“We’ll go with you!” Laura Lee says, blurts really, trying to help Nat to her feet.
“No! I’m fucking fine!” Nat snaps, Laura’s face falls, rapidly descending into an expression similar to that of a kicked puppy. Nat immediately regretted everything. “Sorry, I’m just-I’m just in a lot of fucking pain right now, and I just want to be alone for a bit.”
The rest of the scrimmage just had a weird fucking energy to it. She spent it on the bench, nursing her hand with an ice pack Misty had simply sprinted to get.
This was only the beginning though. The first cause of a chain reaction, a domino effect of consequences leading up to where Nat will be in two weeks, blushing and flustered as she lay between Lottie and Laura Lee.
-
The next domino to fall happened the following monday.
When Tai walked into the locker room long before practice, looking for something she’d left, and saw Lottie pinned against a locker. By Laura fucking Lee.
Cross necklace still hanging around her neck, hair in a ponytail and headband holding back her bangs. Furiously kissing Lottie, who had to bend down a little, with her height, to allow for easier access.
Tai had turned promptly back around apparently, and marched all the way to pre-algebra, where Van, Nat and Jackie were all ignoring the quiz they were supposed to be doing.
The curly haired girl walked in, teacher ignoring her as if Taissa was a student on the attendance list, and sat beside Van. Her gaze trained on nothing and everything, befuddled and calculating.
“Uh, babe?” Van spoke up first, slightly shaking Tai out of whatever trance she was in. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Tai hissed too quickly. “Nothing I’m just… surprised.”
“About what?” Jackie leaned forward, not even hiding the fact she wasn’t doing any work.
“Laura Lee-does-is gay? Girls? She kissed-”
“Holy shit, Tai fucking broke.” Nat gaped at Taissa’s stuttering.
“Love, slow down. What’s going on?” Van said, while Jackie elbowed Nat in the stomach.
“Just, come with me.” Tai took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t say it here.”
“I got this.” Jackie said, and moved over to Mrs. Meldrum’s desk. She whispered a few words to the woman, making not-so-subtle glances at Nat’s still very injured hand.
“Of course girls, go on.” The woman gave Nat a disgustingly sympathetic smile, and Van ushered the two of them out behind Jackie.
As soon as they were in the hallway, headed towards the locker rooms,
“What the hell is happening?” Nat asks as soon as they’re out of earshot of the classrooms. “Is Laura Lee okay?”
Tai looks nervously at Van for a second, hesitating over her words. “I don’t-I’m not sure I should say anything, but I guess it was like in the open? I’m-”
“Just tell us Taissa.” Nat snapped. She felt anxious. That’s what the roiling ball in her stomach was. Anxiety. But why? For what possible reason? She silently shook herself out of it.
“I caught Lottie making out with-” Tai starts, but Nat doesn’t let her finish, already heading to them, far ahead of the rest of them.
When she barges into the locker room, worried, in a blind haze of emotion, she doesn’t process what’s happening until it’s over, but the image is burned into her mind, branded and immediately hidden away.
Lottie, hands on Laura Lee’s face, leaning back against the locker, desperately kissing her. Laura Lee had the control though. Sweet, innocent, sometimes naive Laura Lee, who shied away from the movies they watched at Lottie’s house, who pointedly looked away when Jackie and Jeff kissed at lunch or at the end of practice. Laura Lee, who took Nat to church after her father died, and whispered a prayer, but not for him.
Laura Lee, who now had to be reconciled in her mind, the previous image clashing with the hungry girl with nails dug deep into Lottie’s hips, ghosting over the band of her skirt.
And then as quick as she saw it it was over.
Lottie’s eyes opened, and then panicked, pushing Laura Lee away. The blonde didn’t notice anyone else entering the room, and tried to chase Lottie’s lips, before the girl held her back one handed, apologetic and guilty.
Nat opened her mouth. Snapped it shut. Nodded once at them, then spun around with the back of her left heel and walking right back out, shoving past Taissa in her hasty escape. If she stayed, they’d have noticed how red her face was.
She doesn’t go back to class, instead she goes right to the field behind the school and panics.
Practice isn’t for another hour, an hour Natalie knows Lottie has a class during. Meaning she was skipping for god knows how long to make out with her best friend-or were they more than that?
The thought was unwelcome, and she immediately felt angry and then felt guilty for being angry. That wasn’t fair, to either of them. They weren’t doing anything wrong.
Nat is shaking while attempting to light up a cigarette when she looks up to see the tall brunette walking towards her. All soft limbs and gentle determination. A woman on a mission.
“Nat?” Lottie says when she gets close enough.
“Hey Lot.” Nat grunts, not looking at her. What if she saw the hickey on her neck? The smudged lip gloss staining her face?
Why would it bother her?
She looks at the girl, sees none of what she feared-not feared, why would she fear that?- and looks back out onto the distant tree line.
“Are you okay?” Lottie asks.
Nat only grunts again. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Lottie is silent for a long moment.
“Laura and I-” She takes a deep breath, then continues hesitantly. “We’ve been together for over a month now.”
“Winter break?” Nat asks, unwilling. There was one party, Lottie asked if she was going, so Nat went. Only for her to not show up.
She’d be lying if she said it didn’t hurt. And stupid if she said she wasn’t over it (Cause she was. Totally. Completely.)
Lottie nods in response. “She came over a lot after Christmas.” The girl explains.
“Cool.” Nat says and takes a drag, hating the feeling developing in her chest. Hating the fact that she doesn’t know what it is. What’s coiling up through her stomach to clench at her heart.
“Really?” Lottie sounds hopeful. Surprised.
Nat shrugs. “I don’t know what else to say. It’s none of my business really.”
“Thank you Nat.” Lottie moved closer, grabbing her abruptly. Nat freezes, flight or fight response activating before she realizes the taller girl is hugging her.
“Don’t gotta thank me.” Nat mutters, glad Lottie can’t see her face. How she warms in the girls arms, stiffening so she doesn’t literally fucking melt into the embrace. “Just doing what anyone would.”
“Not anyone.” Lottie says pointedly.
“Anyone should then.”
“Could you-could you try not to tell too many people?” Lottie’s voice sounds small again. “I mean the whole team will know and we were planning on possibly saying something soon just-Lee isn't-”
“As comfortable?” Nat offers. She takes a drag, and out of the corner of her eye she sees Lotties brow furrow.
“What? No, she just isn’t out to her family. She’s actually-yeah she kissed me first.”
Nat’s head turns lighting fast to see the stupid dopey grin on the other girl's face.
“Really?” Nat was doubtful. How could she not be-it was Lottie and Laura Lee .
“Yeah.” Lottie nods. “I mean she’s pretty confident, it’s hot isn’t it? I like it. I like when people are unapologetically themselves.”
I do that. I’m cool, I don’t give a shit what others think-I’m myself. But it wasn’t entirely true. Nat had walls up, she had a mask on most of the time.
And also-what the fuck does it matter anyway? It doesn’t. At all.
-
Laura Lee is holding Lotties hand. Over the table. Her thumb is running along the side of Lottie’s hand. Soothing, loving motions.
They aren’t even hiding it, not being subtle one bit. They’re sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, where they normally sit, and Lee hasn’t taken her eyes off Lottie once.
Well. No. She had.
She caught Nat staring about three minutes ago, and had smirked at her. So now Nat is being more private with her glances, only letting her eyes pass over the two of them.
-
The third domino topples over softer than the previous two and blindsides her. This one comes in the form of Van begging the team to go to the drive-in to watch some movie that’s playing that Wednesday night.
They manage to convince Jackie, who convinces Shauna. Lottie and Laura Lee are easy to win over, probably planning to make it a date. Tai of course goes automatically. A few other people go, some of Van’s friends Nat thinks. But that’s not what’s important.
What is important is that Vans station wagon can only hold so many people, and Nat didn’t make the cut.
Lottie and Laura Lee didn’t either.
Instead Laura Lee talks directly to Nat during history.
“Would you like me to drive you to the movie tonight?” She asks, polite and proper. As always.
“I guess.” Nat replies easily. Calmer than she feels. She feels angry that the girl is asking. It’s pity. She knows it-
“I love Lottie and all but she just can’t watch a movie for the life of her.” Laura continues. “It would be nice having someone there to actually appreciate it with.”
Oh.
“Yeah, thanks Laura Lee.” Nat eventually manages to reply.
“Amazing!” Laura Lee’s smile truly is angelic. It’s so bright you’re almost forced to imagine the halo that must encircle her blonde hair. “I’ll pick you up at seven?”
-
It’s 6:45 and Nat has been staring at herself in the mirror for five minutes. Her hair still isn’t sitting right. Her shirt doesn’t hang right and she’s worried she’s fucked up her eyeliner. It doesn’t escape her that it’s ridiculous. Why is she anxious? It’s her friends, it’s just Lottie and Laura Lee.
She hears the car pull beside her trailer, and she throws a confused glance to the alarm clock beside her bed. They were ten minutes early.
Nat opens the door to see Lottie waiting for her beside the old yellow chevy pick up truck. She smiles at her.
“Hey, I was about to knock.” Nat shrugs, and follows Lottie into the front seat.
“Thanks for driving me.” Nat tells them. It’s Laura Lee’s turn to smile at her, as she puts her truck in reverse.
“It’s no problem at all Natalie.” She replies, turning around slightly to look out the back window as she pulls onto the road by Natalie’s home. “We were just deciding where to eat.”
“Eat?” Nat’s confused, assuming they were going right to the drive in.
“Yeah.” Laura Lee says. “The movie doesn’t start until nine.”
“Oh.” Nat was firmly confused now. Why wouldn’t they have picked her up later? It’s a perfect chance for a dinner and movie date, but they wanted her to third wheel?
“Weren’t you listening when Van was talking about it?” Lottie says teasingly nudging Nat with her shoulder.
No, actually. Nat thinks. I was a bit preoccupied watching you two eye fuck each other in the middle of the cafeteria.
Obviously she doesn’t say this.
They end up just going to this Italian place between Nat’s place and the highway. Nat’s never been, Lottie ended up choosing, since Nat hadn’t said anything more than three words since being picked up.
It’s a nice place, not overly fancy, Nat doesn’t feel underdressed, but the lighting is low and there’s a fake candle flickering away in the booth they get sat in. The menu is daunting, knowing the fifty dollar paycheck she still has left for the week. But when the waiter comes around Laura Lee orders them a pizza to share.
“My family and I come here sometimes, after church on Wednesday nights. The pizza is really good.” She tells them. Nat nods, smiles at her. Laura Lee’s brightness truly is infectious.
She’s also right, the pizza is amazing, as are the free breadsticks. Nat watches with a raised eyebrow as Lottie tucks like five away in her purse over the course of the meal, when Lottie sees she gives an unashamed smile and sticks her tongue out.
The meal is so nice. Nat has a good time, worse even, she has fun .
And Nat, it makes her feel- jesus christ what is their problem?
Just like at lunch, Lottie can’t keep her eyes off Laura Lee, and Laura can’t keep her hands off Lottie. Except unlike at lunch, they’re paying even more attention to
her
. At one point after she makes a joke, kind of crass and Laura would have put it, the blonde girl blushes a little, and bites her lip.
Nat convinces herself two minutes later she’d imagined it.
Another point she feels Lottie run a foot up her leg. Lottie apologizes, after Nat shivers from the contact, which draws attention to it.
Natalie feels like she’s going insane.
Before they finish and leave, Nat escapes to the bathroom to catch her breath, having just endured the most confusing dinner of all time. She’s splashing water on her face when Lottie follows in behind her, looking a small bit guilty.
“Are you okay?” She asks. Nat shrugs, tries to think of an acceptable reply.
“Perfect.”
Lottie makes eye contact through the mirror. “I’m sorry for springing dinner on you. I did think you knew.”
“It’s fine Lot, I should have been listening.” Nat shrugs again and tries to move past Lottie before she does anything stupid. Lottie stops her with an arm pushing her shoulder.
“I didn’t mean to make you upset.” She says, looking down.
“Why would I be upset.” Nat clenches her jaw, but doesn’t back away from the contact. Lottie’s hand is warm, where the unnecessary air conditioning makes everything feel cold.
“Uncomfortable then?” Lottie corrects. “With the leg thing-”
“That was on purpose-?”
“And in the locker room the other day.” Lottie doesn’t let Nat interrupt.
“Yeah, sorry about that, I probably should have turned around sooner-”
Lottie’s gaze hardens, turns into something Nat cannot identify. It makes her face feel warm, the intensity of it.
“It’s fine. I wanted you to see.” Her voice is unrecognizable, low and intentioned.
“Lottie, what?” Nat chokes on nothing.
Neither back away, Lottie’s grip loosens, and her eyes flicker down to Nat’s lips, then her eyes. She opens her mouth, to ask, to tell, who knows. Nat doesn’t let her finish.
She doesn’t even feel herself moving, but she must have, because their lips are pressed together, and Lottie’s hands are in her hair, and Nat’s hands are on her hips. Lottie’s suddenly pushing off the wall Nat has her pressed against, moving them. She feels the counter dig into her back and she still doesn’t push her away.
This-Lottie’s lips against hers, their warmth against each other- it feels right.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a golden cross all pass through her mind and she’s shoving Lottie off.
“Fuck-why-why did you kiss me?” Nat demands, breathing heavily and wiping her lips, as if it will erase it in it’s entirety.
Lottie looks a bit shocked, shaken out of whatever mood she’d been in when the kiss started. She looks at Natalie, confused. “You wanted me to.” As if that’s the correct answer.
Nat shakes her head, heart pounding. “I shouldn’t have-we shouldn’t- Laura Lee. ” Nat whines, trying to remind Lottie of her own fucking girlfriend .
Recognition dawns on Lottie’s face, and Nat scoffs.
“I won’t tell her.” Nat replies, annoyed. “You owe me, Matthews.”
Nat tries to push past.
“Does paying for dinner make it up to you?” There’s a smile in Lottie’s voice. Nat huffs, rolls her eyes and leaves the bathroom.
-
Lottie pays for her dinner. She also pays for Laura Lee’s, and Nat feels guilty.
Nat feels guilty when they get into the car, she sits on the bench as far from Lottie as she can get. She can’t meet Laura Lee’s eyes, can’t look her in the face without feeling just awful.
They arrive at the Drive-In first. Laura backs her truck into a spot near the front, and Lottie pulls a bag out of seemingly nowhere. There’s a bunch of snacks in it, a long with the breadsticks from the restaurant.
“I’m really picky.” Laura Lee admits while Nat stares at the stash of food. “I can’t eat the snacks they have here it’s too…greasy.”
Nat nods, and accepts the bag of gummies Lottie tosses her way.
They set up with a mountain of blankets, three beneath them, two on top, along with Laura Lee’s mass of pillows and stuffed animals. By far its the coziest Nat has been watching a movie. By the time they are set up (Lottie and Laura Lee intertwined and cuddling, Nat pressed further away against the wall of the bed.) Van pulls in besides them, Jackie and Shauna shortly following on the other side of the truck.
Nat’s not sure what movie they’re supposed to be watching, she zones out about thirty seconds in. When she goes back to paying attention she looks over to see the two girls whispering and smiling to each other.
The image is burned into her mind, she wants to photograph it, under the low lights, projector illuminating them, shining its spotlight against their bright smiles. The way they look at each other, as if they’re the only two people in the world.
Her heart pangs, deep in her chest it hurts to look at them.
She turns her gaze back to the movie. There’s some…fight or something going on. It looks to be underground maybe? But they're on a boat? Nat hasn’t been paying attention.
Her mind drifts again as does her gaze. It falls back on the two girls beside her. Laura Lee has shifted her weight to be entirely in Lottie’s lap, and Lottie is pressing lazy kisses against her neck and cheek while Laura Lee eats what seems like a whole bag of chocolate.
Nat groans, gets up and leaves to go smoke outside the bathroom.
-
The next incident happens in art class.
It’s a small class, most people elect to just have an extra study hall, or do shop class. That is if they aren’t over achievers like Lottie who do band. (Lottie would kill Nat if she’d said it out loud.)
There’s maybe ten people besides Nat. Kevyn is technically in the class, but he doesn’t come. Van usually comes, if just to appease Tai, but they didn’t come to school today.
So here Natalie sits, headphones pressed tightly to her head while she sketches and tries to ignore a clearly bored Laura Lee.
Laura Lee’s paper is covered in charcoal pencil doodles of flowers, but she’d abandoned that about fifteen minutes ago and has just been looking at Nat. The last time their teacher came around Laura had said it was thumbnail sketches and it was left at that.
“Is that my truck?” Laura Lee’s voice cuts past the sound of the cure blasting directly into her brain. Nat takes her headphones off.
“Oh, maybe?”
It is. It’s a pencil sketch, but Nat can picture the soft butter yellows she’d use, the contrast of the dark background behind it. Apparently Laura Lee can see it too.
“It looks really good, Natalie.” Laura Lee compliments. “You’re really talented you know?”
Nat coughs. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious. You’re like magic, honestly, I hope it doesn’t sound too over bearing, but I’ve watched you paint all year and its-its really special.”
“You’re starting to sound like Lottie.” Nat teases to deflect.
“Would that be so bad?” Laura Lee replies, smiling all dopey-like. Nat pauses, unsure of what to say. “I will admit, she has rubbed off on me. In some very good ways.”
“Yeah, I bet.” Nat snorts. Laura Lee laughs and really, she shouldn’t be caught off guard, but she is.
“Well, I meant more like, has helped me come into my own a bit more, but yeah, that too.” Laura Lee jokes.
Nat’s face feels very warm, and her hand hasn’t moved across the page in quite some time. Laura, of course, notices. Then she looks closer at Nat’s drawing, and Nat feels a sense of embarrassment.
“Is that Lottie and I?” Laura Lee asks, she’s pointing, and yes, just off center is the two of them curled up beneath the blanket.
“Oh-um, yeah I looked over once or twice it was-it looked like a painting.” Nat admitted. Laura Lee smiles at her, charming and bright and only a little bit sly.
“It’s cute.” She tells Nat, then elaborates much to the detriment of Natalie’s rational mind. “That you were paying that much attention to us.”
Natalie blushes, mumbles something she can’t even here, and turns back around to the sketch.
-
She takes it home, and demands Kevyn to drive her to Micheal’s for a new canvas and paints. He obliges, and while Nat hunts for supplies he and Gray mess around in the aisles, pushing a cart around.
By the end of it she has a new canvas, some new beautiful paints and a shitty enough white paint to make it through the next year and a half. The cheap stuff had more in it, and was of course. Cheap.
“What is all this even for?” Kevyn asks on the drive back to his basement. She’s ignoring that she blew most of her paycheck and just focused on how grateful she is for Kevyn’s willingness to share his weed and doritos.
“A painting.”
“Obviously.” He rolls his eyes. “Why can’t you use the school paint?”
Because Laura Lee will see it, and then Lottie will see it because she’ll bring her to class. They’ll see it before it’s ready. Before she’s ready . Whatever the hell that means.