Work Text:
Shifting in my seat as I stare into my glass, watching it get emptier and emptier. My heart sinking further and further with every minute that passes, feeling it ache as I start to resign myself to the idea that she had forgotten about me. ‘It finally happened.’
Every Saturday since that lousy farmer came to town, she’d bug me. At first it was so annoying, only wanting to drown away my sorrows alone. I’d groan, roll my eyes at her when I’d see her walk my way, trying my hardest to keep her at bay. But it didn’t work.
And soon I started to even look forward to her visit, refusing extra hours at Joja just to be there. Right where she expects me to be. So we can have our, now, years long chat. She'd buy me a beer, or we’d split a pizza. Sometimes we’d sit in silence, and others we’d resume whatever discussion we had going on last time. Like no time had passed at all.
Eventually I started to miss her presence, I felt comfort in her voice. I was more giddy for a single hour with her than I was for anything else in my life. Marnie even noticed, thinking it was excitement for the weekend. But “enjoyed seeing me with a pep in my step.”
As the seasons changed, I started thinking about her more and more. Her smile, her laugh, her hair, the way she looks up at me with her beautiful eyes. How she places her hat on the bar when she sits with me. How she always manages to have leaves stuck to her. How her nose wrinkles when I manage to make a good joke and actually make her laugh. I’m smiling as I walk to the saloon some days. People are starting to think I’m approachable. She even had me smiling at work.
’well till she got it shut down. Which was fine, I wasn’t ever going to leave unless they fired me anyway.’ Everyone said it was one of the best things that could’ve happened for our town, Joja mart gone and the community center bringing everyone together. She was so anxious the day Joja closed, waiting for me at the saloon. Her eyes wide as I approached, so scared I was mad at her. Shrugging it off and sitting next to her, like nothing happened. My heart racing as she smiled at me, sipping at our beers in unison. Only thinking that she was really the best thing that could’ve happened to the town.
And as I continue to wait for her to arrive I drown out my thoughts with as much alcohol as I can buy. But everything reminds me of her, every sip I'm reminded of the few times she’d challenge me to drinking contests. ‘She always lost.’ I chuckle to myself.
There wasn’t anything we couldn’t talk about, why we drink sometimes, our past, and when we needed it the other would just shut up and listen. She could talk for hours about literally everyone in town, and I could listen for hours. She always seemed to be in the middle of things, and despite everyone borderline hating me, she still told me everything.
Which was why it hurt so much when I heard from Marnie that she was getting married. I had been oblivious to it for so long, but it broke my heart. Holding back tears while Marnie and Jas giggled together, excited for the party and a chance to dress up. Doing my best to repress it till I was alone. ‘I didn’t even know she was seeing somebody…’
I felt so many things over those three days before the wedding. I quickly accepted I wasn’t right for her, and that I had indeed lost my chance. But I felt so angry, so betrayed. ‘Why didn't she at least tell me?!’ I drank so much while those words swirled around and around in my head like a broken drain.
I could barely look at her at the wedding, watching her walk down the aisle devastated me to my core. my eyes burned as I held back tears, my hands shaking. But when she rushed up to me after, a bright smile on her face, it all went away. Happily congratulating her and wishing her lifelong happiness because it’s truly what she deserves.
The first Saturday after the wedding I was worried she wouldn’t show up, just like tonight. ‘She’s a married woman now with a successful farm, she’s got more important things to do than drink with some guy.’ But there she was, right on time. Resuming things like nothing had happened, so I did too. Taking all of the feelings I had for her and shoved them so far down inside me nothing could ever find it.
But then her relationship started to deteriorate, her drinking pace picking up. Meeting me later and later, or leaving early. Never cancelling, but it was alarming. Watching this ball of sunshine, the literal human embodiment of a flower start to wilt. It was heartbreaking watching her try to drown her sorrows away, and hear her gripe about her husband. ‘Not like I could treat her any better.’ I’d remind myself, before simply telling her everything will get better eventually while secretly hoping the opposite.
up until recently she’d stopped drinking altogether. Simply meeting with me to eat and chat really quick before leaving. I started to worry it was just becoming a chore for her, seeing me, being around me. And then just last week she started drinking heavily again, our louder funnier discussions returning.
I hated that she drank that much, despite it being hypocritical, but I loved seeing her smile again. Hearing her laugh again. She was always beautiful, but when she’s smiling it’s like the world stops. She was the highlight of my life. And no matter what happened in the past two years she’d always show up, we both did.
But today she didn’t.
Downing beer after beer as I try to empty my head of all these thoughts. Groaning as I finally rest my head on the bar top, my grip firm on the glasses handle. The cool stained wood is a relief for my flushed warm face. The room starting to spin.
“I gotta cut you off Shane.” I hear Gus grumble, before clearing his throat. I only groan in response, forcing myself to sit upright again to finish my drink. Chugging it before slamming it back down onto the bar.
“Fair enough.” I exhale out. Fumbling to find my wallet. “What do I owe you?”
“35 even, but I’m insisting you have water before I let you leave.” He states sternly. Emily rushing over with a glass of water, placing it in front of me before wandering away. Staring up at gus annoyed. “Don’t look at me like that or I’ll make it 40.”
Rolling my eyes and groaning once again as I finally hand him the money, shoving my wallet back in my pocket before making eye contact with Gus and begrudgingly drinking the water. Making a show of downing the water like I did my beer, finally holding up the empty glass for Gus to take, with a mocking smile.
“See you tomorrow, Shane.” Gus states as I get out of my seat, and head towards the door. Raising my arm to wave at Gus offhandedly before finally exiting the bar.
The freezing night air immediately hitting my skin as the door shuts behind me, the sound of the busy saloon finally silenced. Hanging my head in my hands as I rub my face, the silence really setting in. Roughly rubbing my eyes as I try to gather myself. Letting out a heavy exhale as I relax my shoulders, allowing my arms to drop to my sides. Seeing my every breath as I ready for my trek home.
Stepping down the stairs, and down the small dirt path to the brick walkways when I hear horse shoes on cobblestone. It’s her, the only godforsaken person who rides their horse around town. Shaking my head briefly before looking around to try to find her, spinning in circles, desperate to just see her. Elated she hadn’t forgotten me but she’s nowhere. “I think I’m going crazy.” I mumble.
“I miss her.” I let out, my heart aching slightly. The blood and the alcohol in my system are running wild. My feet taking a sudden turn to the right instead of the left. Marching straight towards her farm.
I regret my decision the closer I get, ‘I haven’t been in…well over a year at this point…’ My feet slowing as I start to pass the bus stop. I had walked her home after she’d drank too much, it took all of me not to kiss her. As she giggled, and stumbled by my side I just thought about how soft her lips would be, or how her hair would feel in between my fingers. And the look she gave me right before her husband opened the door that night, I almost did kiss her. ‘I was a lot more sober that night too’ sighing, when I hear it again. Her. taking a deep breath as I look up. Expecting nothing this time but I’m taken aback.
“Go on girl, get in the house.” She states sweetly, petting her dog before pointing towards the house with a snap. The dog quickly sprinting towards the door, barreling up the stairs and through the doggy door. Smiling with her hands on her hips as she watches the dog, taking her a moment to look forward and even notice I’m there.
Her face changing so suddenly, a wide smile taking her lips at the sight of me. I swear every muscle in my body tensed, squeezing all the air out of me. Stopping my heart. My legs feel like jelly, my body wanting to lurch forward. See every detail of that smile, hold her till I feel okay again.
Waving excitedly at me, and gesturing for me to come closer. ‘This feels like a bad idea.’ My feet moving on their own again. Resuming my walk towards her. My heart racing faster and faster as I get closer, the more details I can make out of her face coming through till she’s in front of me. Dressed in one of her classic shirts, tucked into her well fitted jeans, and trusty boots.
‘She’s even in her best pair of jeans. You need to go. NOW!’ My conscience starts to scream. But I’m deliberately ignoring it now.
She’s right here, in front of me. The world falls away, and it’s just us. Her soft skin. Her curves, and thighs in the jeans that seem to hug her just right. Her hair is in slight disarray from the day she’s had. My entire being mesmerized by her excited to see me . Admiring her mouth as it moves, and the shape of her jaw. Before she grabs my arm, pulling my attention back to her. Finally realizing she’s speaking to me.
“Shane, are you okay?” She asks, squeezing my arm softly as my ears finally stop ringing. Her voice is like a music box, soothing my every nerve.
“Oh uhm…” I let out clearing my throat, bending my arm to pull away from her touch. Lifting my hand to try to hide how red my face is turning. Her touch sent shockwaves of feelings through me, blood rushing to my face and dick. “I…well I was worried about you…”
“What why?” She asks, her brows furrowing as she looks up at me before her face drops. “OH YOBA! It’s Saturday. Shane. I’m so so sorry!”
“Hey…look it’s…” I slur out, her words cutting me off.
“No Shane! Please forgive me. I had so much going on today. I’m so sorry.” She manages out, her hands now back at my arms. Practically feeling my body curl in on itself, trying to pull away from her touch.
“Okay! Look, it's fine. I’m fine! I was just worried about you.” Backing away from her slightly but her hands are so strong, and the liquor probably isn’t helping. She's keeping me in front of her. “I knew this wasn’t like you. So, let me go and we can talk, yeah?” I offer. Feeling my body start to literally strain as I try to leave her hands, trying my best to hide what I'm actually feeling.
“Oh? Uh okay.“ She looks at me puzzled. Slowly loosening her grip before completely letting go of me. Practically panting for air when she lets me go, not even realizing I was holding my breath. Running a hand through my hair as I try to pull my thoughts together.
“Alright. So what happened today?”
“It’s more like these months. Being married wasn’t everything it was chalked up to be then…” she sighs, suddenly grabbing my arm again and pulling me to the space between her house and her shipping bin, lost in foliage. Making sure the coast is clear and crossing her arms before resuming. “Then when things got better we decided…” she hesitates “That we wanted to have kids and now…that’s not working either.”
“Oh…” I let out. Dumbstruck, the feeling of jealousy slowly filling my chest and working its way up my throat. My nails pressing into my palms as my hands form fists.
“Yeah...”
“You still didn’t really answer my question though.” I tease. Elbowing her gently, making her smile softly and let out a breathy short laugh. Trying to gulp down my jealousy, and just be there for her like she needs.
“Oh yeah, sorry. We went into the city today.” She hesitates again, tears forming in her kind eyes. “I haven’t talked about it, or told anyone any of this. Well no Harvey kinda knows? But we’ve been trying other methods and…well we just keep getting bad news, and now the doctor won’t let us try again for a bit. We didn’t even talk the whole bus ride back, like it’s my fault. And when we did get back it was so late and I still had so much farm work to do. It’s just…it’s been hard.” She manages out. Tears started to fall down her face, her shoulder shaking as she fights back sobs.
‘Fuck it, a few seconds won’t kill you.’ Lifting my arms to wrap them around her, pulling her in for a hug. My hands flat on her back, her head meeting my chest as she cries. Weakly wrapping her arms around me, eagerly accepting the hug.
“It’ll be okay. Jas loves you and with how you take care of these animals, I mean come on! You were born to be a mother. It’ll happen. I know it will.” I try to reassure her, resuming in a whisper. moving my arm to cup the back of her head, gently stroking her hair. “Give it time.”
“I feel like It shouldn’t be this hard. All of it.” She lets out. Feeling her tears start to soak into my shirt. Shifting her head, feeling her cold nose graze my neck as she looks up. Her face adorably pink, as she stares teary eyed up at me. “Why can’t I just be happy?”
Taking a deep breath with her face only a few inches from mine. The heat of her skin irradiates into me, our eyes meet and the world falls away again. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, as everything seems to move in slow motion. Both of us now moving in unison, our faces inching closer and closer.
‘No, stop.’ My conscience screams. Her lips graze mine as we hesitate, the liquor starting to go to my head as I close the gap. Holding her firm and close as she accepts the kiss, clinging to me as we tilt our heads. Deepening the kiss, and lapping into her mouth. Soft breathy moans escape her as we explore each other's mouths.
My hands lowering to her sides, clinging to her curves as I carelessly back her against a tree. My hands caressing her sides as she clings to the fabric on my back. The kiss getting sloppy as she grows breathless.
Biting her lip as I pull away shortly, my lips immediately back to work on her jaw. Kissing and licking down her neck, as she cocks her head to the side. Her moans so close to my ear it sends a shiver down my spine every time. My hands now pawing at her ass and breast, never resisting me as she pants for her breath back.
‘I don’t want her to change her mind.’ Growling as I resist the urge to bite her and suck a dark mark into her skin. Make evidence, proof this actually happened. Pulling away, my lips immediately meet hers again.
Savoring the taste of her saliva, and the sensation of her this close. How she feels in my arms, her curves as my fingers dig into where they rest. Admiring the feel of her ass in the jeans I’d spent near hours staring at her in. Filling my hands so perfectly, fitting against my body like a puzzle piece. Pulled from my trance by her whining, and her hips moving to try to meet mine.
“You’re drunk Shane.” She lets out through our kiss. “I can taste it.”
“Isn’t that…normal?” I ask sarcastically, pulling away. Resting our foreheads against one another.
“But this isn’t.” She responds, lifting an eyebrow. Her eyes shifting trying to refer to us, to me. “We can’t be together.”
“I love you.” I plead, “Please. I-I’m in love with you.” Ready to fall to my knees at her feet and chant the words till she’ll listen.
“I know.” She answers. As my lips meet hers again, my entire body pressing into hers. Pinning her to the tree, as she wraps her arms around my neck. “You might regret this later.” She manages out before accepting the erratic kiss. Hungrily kissing her with all the love I’d been repressing for almost two years.
Hoping with every action, every moan I’ll win her over. Change her mind. Gripping at her ass and hip, trying my hardest to keep her flush to me. And keep her in my arms for as long as I can. My hand on her hip moving to yank at her shirt, untucking it to meet the skin at her side.
Arching her back as my hands work up her side, letting out a low moan at how soft her skin is. The feel of her curves under my hand, ‘I want more.’ My kiss growing desperate, distracting her as my hand works its way under her bra.
Gently groping her breast as I let out a weak moan, my thumb rubbing over her nipple. My hand on her ass moving in, her legs finally lifting to wrap around my hips. Kissing down her jaw as my hips roughly meet hers. Groaning into her neck before I start to lick and lap again.
Grinding my painfully hard erection against her, wanting her to make as many sounds as I can manage. Every rough grind against her clothed cunt makes her squirm, my eyes fluttering with every one of her moans. Memorizing every sound that leaves her, every inch of her skin. ‘God I hope I remember this tomorrow!’
Smiling with pride before the want for more sinks in again, grazing my teeth against her neck as I fantasize about leaving a mark again. ‘Or we could both get our way…’ Her body stiffening up lightly at the teasing, chuckling into her neck as she whines. Rolling my hips to grind against her again, another breathy moan leaving her.
“I could give you a baby.” I whisper, rolling my hips again. Her fingers digging into my shoulders, her thighs tightening around me. Pulling me in closer. “Would you want that?” Holding my breath as I wait for her response. Slowly grinding against her now, making her squirm and struggle. Growing worried I won’t like her answer.
Her breath heavy and warm in my neck as she pants, when I feel a wave of relief. Her head shifts as she nods, at first hesitant then adamant. Licking at her neck as I grab at her skin, my hips and hands desperate to have her even closer.
My hips and chest pressing her into the tree trunk, as my fingers fly to the button of her jeans. Unzipping them as her legs leave my sides, her feet meeting the ground again. Her body pushing me away slightly, my own practically shaking at the loss of contact.
Her hands now moving to her sides, turning away from me as she starts to pull her pants down. Every muscle in my body straining as they glide over her ass, taking all of me not to rush back to her immediately. Ruin the pristine skin in front of me.
“You are so beautiful” pours out of me, my mouth left slightly agape as she leans forward against the tree. Her back arched as she presents her ass to me, her face flush at my words. Finally stepping forward, my hands gently meeting her hips, and caressing downwards. Resisting every ounce of my being not to yank and bruise.
My thumb tracing along the hem of her underwear, my hands shaking as they travel down. The drenched fabric sent me into overdrive. My body finally fed up, quickly unbuttoning my jeans to free my achingly hard erection. My fingers quickly yanking the frail fabric to the side, the head of my dick making contact almost immediately. My knees almost giving out at the sensation.
I’m barely able to catch my breath as I’m no longer able to fight my urges, the head of my dick lining up with her opening. One hand gripping her ass and underwear, while the other clings to her hip. Fighting my body’s reactions to pushing into her, “You feel so good” I pant, my hips wavering before finally hilting inside. My upper body curling in on itself as I strain.
“I can’t believe I’m inside you.“ I exhale, enchanted at the sight in front of me. The woman I’ve been in love with pressed against a tree, her face pink, eyes half lidded, as she chews at her bottom lip. Her soft, beautiful body arching and reacting to my dick buried inside her. My own body is barely able to process that I’m balls deep, raw, inside her. Feeling every inch of her soft, wet inside.
“Fuck it’s better than I imagined“ I whine, staring down at her cunt. Pretty, and pink, swallowing me whole. Squeezing around the base of my dick, “You have such a perfect pussy.” Shutting my eyes as I start to roll my hips, fighting every ounce of my being not to cum just at the sight. ”I love you so much.” Leaks out of me with low moans. Slowly grinding my dick deeper and deeper into her as she squirms.
“I want to change your mind.” I beg, prying my eyes open to behold her in front of me. My hand on her hip caressing up her side, admiring her soft skin. As my other grips her ass, holding her in place as I start to pull my hips back. “What can I do? I’ll give you whatever he can’t. Please.”
Pulling my hips back further and further with every thrust, gentle at first. Appreciating how my dick slides in and out so perfectly with ease, her body so eagerly taking me. ‘Fuck and she’s loving it.’ Her knuckles white as she clings to the tree, soft whimpers and moans leaking out of her. Biting at her lip as I pick up my pace, silencing herself as my thrusts grow rough.
“Do you like it? You like getting fucked raw?” I taunt, fighting back my own moans as I rut into her. The tree shaking with every thrust, hearing the rustling of the leaves with her pants and moans. My grip on her ass growing hard, almost bruising, as my hips collide with her. Both trying our best to stay quiet but I’m starting to not care.
“You like that don’t you? You want me to fuck a baby into you?” I mumble, my heart starting to race as a light turns on in the window in front of me. Seeing the blur of her husband as he walks around inside. ‘I want to make her cum screaming my name.’ My jealousy returning tenfold, straining as I bury myself inside her.
Leaning forward slightly to whisper in her ear as I tease her, my hips slowing as I grind into her. “You want to go back to your husband dripping another man’s cum?” Her hand scrambling to leave the tree, sliding between her perfect thighs as she slowly starts to play with herself. Pulsing around me with every tight circle she makes. “I knew it.” I snicker.
Both my hands now gripping her hips, helping to hold her weight up as I fuck into her. Feeling her boots as she struggled to hold herself up, moving to touch me and have me closer for reassurance. She’s in my hands, at my whims now. “I can see him through that window, poor guy doesn’t know his wife is only a few feet away getting knocked up by someone else.” I taunt. Her body shuddering at my words, her pussy baring down on me. Picking up my speed as a wet slapping sound starts to accompany the many moans that are leaking out of her now. My bottom lip starting to taste like blood as I chew at it, repressing my own sounds just to hear hers. Fill the woods with her moans.
“You’re close aren’t you?” I pant, my thrusts growing so rough leaves are starting to fall from the tree. The world starts to spin around us as my hips work, my head fuzzy with lust and liquor. The head of my dick starting to graze her cervix, my hands fully bruising her sides as I try to pull her in further. Push deeper inside, fuck deep into her womb. Incoherent words and pleas leave her as she starts to arch her back even more. ”Yeah you’re loving this. Maybe if I fuck you hard enough he’ll come out and see.” My taunts sending her over the edge, the hand between her thighs growing lazy and inconsistent.
“Yea cum for me.” I whine, her body squirming and squeezing around me. “Please. Please.” I beg, staring at her as she looks over her shoulder. Her tantalizing features are overcome with pleasure and euphoria, hoping to tattoo the image on the back of my eyelids. Her body and face as she comes undone around me. For me. Because of me.
“Fuck I’m gonna cum in you.” The sight of it all too much for me, thrusting a few more times before rolling my hips and hilting as far inside her as I can. The head of my dick torturing her cervix as I cum, my hands keeping her pressed into me for as long as I can. Her body pulsing around me, milking me of all I could give.
She tried to pull away but I keep her there, squeezing my eyes shut as I try to remember this moment. Hoping for the best in what’s to come, a numb sadness starting to ooze into me. Spreading like a wildfire as I finally let go, and she didn't hesitate to pull away. Wincing as I pull out of her, the cold air feels like nothing compared to the cold loneliness I’m now painfully aware of. I’ve been drowning in it.
Both of us are still panting to try to gather our breath, come to terms with what just happened. What we just did. “We can never tell anyone about this. We'll do what we usually do and pretend like nothing happened.” she states, readjusting herself as she finally pulls her pants back up. Hastily tucking her shirt back in.
“What about everything I just said? Everything we just did?” I ask, alarmed. My heart sinking into my stomach at her words. Scrambling to right myself, and my pants, as she stares at me annoyed. Her hands on her hips.
“Look as far as I'm concerned we both got what we wanted, we both got to finally indulge ourselves and to top it off my infertility problem might be solved. We don't have to talk about it again.” she whispers, her face deadpan. Using her index finger to gesture to us when she says the last we .
“And…what if you are pregnant…?” I ask, now growing hopeful.
“What did I just say?” she states through her teeth as she starts to walk away.
“Well…Wait! What about me?” I ask, growing sad and desperate. My eyes stinging as tears are fighting to be released. Rushing to try to catch up with her, my legs still weak from what we did moments ago. She stops only for a second, looking over her shoulder back at me. Rolling her eyes before she speaks, her annoyance with me abrasively apparent by her tone.
“What about you?” stopping me cold in my tracks. not even bothering to wait and hear me out as she rounds the corner to her front steps. Hearing the heavy wooden door slam, and the sound of the cicadas flood in as I’m left alone. Tears streaming down my face as the cold air seeps back in.
‘I have to get sober.’