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Merlin had learned to make the most of time. Even if he is immortal, at least until Arthur returns, the rest of the world is not. And though at one point he thought the best thing he could do was to move away so he wouldn't get attached to anyone and avoid the pain of mourning, he realized how lonely life is that way.
It took him a few years but in the end he had accepted that pain as part of life and it makes him feel alive, it makes many people stay alive through those memories.
He had now been a professor at Hogwarts for a few years. Of course it was impressive to see what the project of 4 young people had become. Even if he didn't quite agree with how they would classify the students he couldn't deny that they accomplished something admirable and he was happy to be able to be a teacher for a few years. Under a false name, of course.
In the mid 60's he decided to return to teaching and after a conversation with Albus Professor Balinor McGranth began teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. Over the years he had seen different children come through the school, each with their own charm and potential. Each one was special and it filled him with a strange joy to watch them grow into young adults.
And then there was James Potter, Sirius and Regulus Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettegrew.
There was something about the five of them that makes Merlin's heart feel heavy and sore.
The first time he feels this way is when Potter and the eldest Black play a prank against some of their other classmates. Something innocent but chaotic. When he turns to look at Sirius for an instant he thinks he sees a young version of Gwaine. Merlin feels unable to punish the boys.
From there the similarities only become more noticeable. Sirius' laughter that sounds like Gwaine's, Remus' attempt at control that reminds him of Leon trying to make the merrier knights behave, James' bravado that sounds so much like the pampered prince he met when he first arrived in Camelot.
It took him a few days to be able to see and talk to the boys without holding back tears or feeling a lump in his throat. But eventually he managed to see the boys without the ghosts of the past. Sure they still reminded him of his friends but at the same time they gave him hope that these boys would have a better future.
But Regulus was different.
A sweet boy who looked like the reincarnation of Mordred, the innocence in his eyes that over the years was lost, the talent for control of his magic. Regulus made Merlin want to protect him from everything. He's not supposed to play favorites but he can't help but be goaded by the Black boy to care for him more.
That's how she got to have the boy in her classroom frequently, not just for subject matter but to talk.
He got to know him beyond the image he chose to project to others and see a bit of the real Regulus. And he was frightened by how much of himself he saw in the boy. But it also increased his desire to protect him from the world but, more importantly, from himself.
-He's an idiot- Regulus' voice broke the silence that dominated the hall as Merlin checked some homework.
-Am I supposed to guess who we're talking about now?- Merlin merely looked up for a few seconds before continuing with his work.
-I'm talking about Potter, the idiot played a prank on the Slytherins and ended up scaring the first years. But of course he didn't apologize, the golden boy of Gryffindor has no business apologizing to the Slytherin kids- Regulus started pacing back and forth as he vented about everything James did on this occasion.
Merlin was silent as Regulus went on a rant against the other. Lately this ritual had become a habit between the two. Regulus would come to the classroom in an hour off, yell complaining about Potter for a few minutes and then go quiet and finish the task he started during his speech. Part of Merlin was beginning to think this was his karma for doing the same thing to Gaius all those years ago.
-Although he did offer to help the first years after that. And left them some sweets as an apology.-That was new, Regulus rarely praised anything James did.
Oh no.
Merlin could recognize that look, Regulus' eyes lost a bit of that spark of anger to leave something softer. Something he saw in Gwen's eyes when she spoke of Lancelot or Arthur. The same softness that was in Arthur's eyes whenever he saw Gwen.
-You like Potter, don't you?- Merlin stopped his chores so he could watch the youngest Black.
-Of course you don't. He's an idiot.- Regulus changed his entire body language in less than a second, the walls formed around him again and his expression was drained of all emotion.
-There's nothing wrong with liking him, he's a good boy at heart.- Merlin only smiled as he noticed the blush on Regulus' cheeks.
He understands how hard it will be for Regulus to get to the point of at least accepting that he doesn't hate James Potter. He can only laugh internally because he is truly paying for everything he did to Gaius.
Now he can see a bit of Arthur and himself in James and Regulus, no doubt the circumstances are very different, but he can see something there.
-Potter doesn't like me, he's an idiot, smug and arrogant - Regulus just started cleaning the bookshelf harder, wanting to take out all his frustration on the wood.
-Yes, but you'd be surprised what some people can change if you give them the chance- Merlin looks back down at the papers he was originally reviewing.
-I guess he's met a lot of students like that- Regulus rolls his eyes trying to ignore any chance that Potter might stop being as annoying as he has been the last few years.
-Like James? Of course not, the earth couldn't have a James Potter in every generation.- Merlin chuckled at the thought of having to take care of someone with so much energy. It took him a thousand years to find another person who could have a bit of his old friends, he didn't expect to find another boy like James for another century at least.
-Arthur?- Regulus' voice comes out as a whisper, barely audible. But Merlin heard it as loud as a shout.
Sometime in Regulus' fourth year at Hogwarts he told him about Arthur. Not the legends around him or how he'd waited centuries for the idiot to return.
No. He told her about the proud boy desperate to prove he was worthy of love, how he hid his loneliness with bravado and how he matured into the brave and devoted man he was. She told him about how much she loves him and how that love didn't end with distance or death.
-Yes, he was the same.- His voice came out a little lower, with the melancholy of every time he mentions his king. -Arrogant and boastful, but he did it to protect himself. Eventually he understood that he didn't need to intimidate to earn everyone's respect and that his pride wasn't the most important thing.-
Regulus stopped what he was doing to sit across from Merlin.
-He's only sixteen, he has a lot of growing up to do.- Merlin smiled sympathetically at the poor teenager. Regulus is about to enter a very confusing stage of his life, he's seen enough teenagers to know that falling in love is a scary thing.
Perhaps it might be helpful, to understand Regulus' fears and terrors. Even those that go beyond his age. He hates what he did with Mordred but at least that gave him more and better tools to help a teenager with too much fear inside him.
Then he saw the tattoo on Black's forearm.
Oh no.