Chapter Text
Thunder echoed as the sound of heavy rain filled my bedroom.
My eyes snapped open. Pounding echoed within my head like my brain was trying to break free of my brain. I desperately want to climb out of bed and run to Mama for protection from the nasty sound, but I don't wish to hurt her by waking her up to this painful noise. Twisting and turning in my bed, I try my best to fall back asleep.
Sleep does not come.
Somehow, I know sleep will never come to me. As if the very concept of rest was now dead. My whole body feels strange. It feels as if I am truly present in the moment for the first time. Struggling with my covers, I end up pushing them off me as I slip out of bed. I even leave my stuffed toy behind. Sorry, Fluffy, I don't know what's happening right now and I feel too scared to even take you with me. Slowly make my way over to my curtain-covered window, I do my best not to make a sound. I think if I'm loud enough, the rain will catch me. The rain will hear me and take me away, never to be seen again. Every step feels like it could be my last as I move ever closer, closer, closer. With all the strength I can muster I push the blinds out of the way, only being able to move them a few inches. The sight I see outside is both confusing and frightening.
Looking outside the window, all I see is the rain. Sure, I can make out the distant shapes of towering buildings but otherwise.... It's all rain. The wind is fast and angry, like the breath from the story about the wolf and the pigs that Mama told me one night. It feels like any moment the large building that Mama and I call home will be blown away by the wind.
The intense sound of the rain makes me curious, what would happen if I touched the rain? Would I be blown away? Gain magical powers? I couldn't know until I found out. I reached onto my tippy toes, reaching for the window's latch to open it. I may want to do this badly but I am sadly not powerful enough to reach it. I have to feel it. I have to. I turn around, facing my bedroom door. If I try and leave our apartment and get found, Mama will be upset, but I have to try. I sneak over quietly, turn the doorknob, and slowly peek my head out.
Thankfully, all the lights are off, and Mama has gone to dream in her room, despite the very idea of dreaming seeming impossible to me now. I shuffle out and begin to walk to the left, going down into the living room. Somehow, the pounding in my head gets worse and worse, I briefly turn back, wondering if I should go and wake Mama, but before I can, I hear it from the living room...
Something calling my name.
Without words, without sound, I hear my name called. Is there a stranger within my home? An evil robber here to harm Mama? Mama has always protected me, so now I must protect her, right? I begin to walk down the hallway, entering the living room despite the fear within me. Looking around, I see pictures of Mama and me on the walls, happy. I see my couch, the living room table, and the kitchen counter. There is no one here.
Something calls my name again, without a word or sound.
This time, I do not feel afraid. It felt gentle. Like a sweet song to put me to sleep, allowing me to dream once more. It was coming from the other side of the door leading outside our apartment. Mama always told me I needed to be strong. I could turn away now and run back to bed afraid, but I would not be weak. I would be strong for my Mama. Walking over and once again I reached for a doorknob, turning it. The door was locked. Okay, that wasn't fair, how could I get outside now? I sigh in frustration, turning around as I notice something far above me on the wall. Mama's keys, hanging from a hook. But it was too high up! How was I meant to reach it? I needed to think of a plan fast.
Then I noticed what was beyond the keys. A table. It had some nice flowers, a picture of Mama and me and her phone. I once again used my strongest power, using my tippy toes, to push myself up high and grab the edge of the table. I use all my strength to pull myself up as much as I can, but sadly the might of this table is too much, even for me. Darn. Oops, I swore. Mama can't find out though since it's in my head, so it should be fine. I had to reach the keys though, no matter what, so I had to do something risky and even dangerous. Walking over to the table next to the couch, which had a little space under it where Mama put things. I grab the remote, getting ready to make a sacrifice for the greater good.
I turned back and looked up at my newfound enemy, the keys. Throwing the remote could break it, and also wake Mama, but I had to take the risk. It was for Mama's sake. With all my great might and amazing mind, I throw the remote, closing my eyes as soon as it leaves my hand, afraid of what would happen next. The sounds of jingling and the thud of things hitting the floor. I almost missed it due to the sound of the rain outside. But... the rain sounded.... wrong? It didn't sound right. I've been in my home plenty of times with Mama while it was raining. It sounded here. Not outside. The sound was in the room itself.
I shook it off, opened my eyes, saw the keys on the floor, and ran over and picked them up. Finally, I had my way to find this evil robber and beat him up! I gleefully skip over to the door, sliding the key and unlocking it. Opening the door, once again, there is no one here. Stepping out into the hallway, I notice the doors clinging to the walls on both sides to the end where stairs going up and down lay. The doors looked wrong, more like paintings than anything else.
Was that voice I heard even real? Did I imagine it just to give myself the push to go outside? I try to recall what the voice sounded like. It had no tone, no volume, nothing at all.
Whatever! I don't care about things like that! I now could go and get out and prove I was stronger than the scary rain. I found myself climbing the stairs, almost running up them to get to the roof. I knew they didn't keep the door up there locked, it was something Mama had warned me about. As I got close to the top, the rain got louder, even louder and louder. I lost my confidence, only for a moment! I would never be scared by some rain. Mama taught me better than that. I reached the top of the stairs, looked at the door in front of me, and gulped. Okay, maybe I was a little scared. But I would be better than that! For Mama's sake. Reaching for the doorknob, I turned and pushed it open...
There was no rain outside.
No scary sound, no water hitting the rooftop, and making fun puddles to play in. Nothing at all. Despite all that, the pounding in my head only seemed to increase. It hurt so, so, so bad. The feeling that something was trying to break out of my head wasn't just something I thought or felt. I knew. Something was pushing against my skull from inside my head. Banging Against. Slamming Against. Trying to get out.
Stepping out onto the roof, there was something strange. The sky above me. It was bright and sparkling. Every night, there would be a small dancing light or two I could see outside my window. Something about the city itself hiding them, Mama had told me. But now there were.... more than I could ever count. Bright, twinkling lights that danced just for me.
I walked to the middle of the roof, lying down to look more easily at the lights in the sky. Just staring up at them would've hurt my neck. The lights were so much different than I had ever seen before. The City, or Odesham as Mama called it, was very big. But the lights in the sky were far bigger than anything I'd ever seen before. It felt like I was looking at the lights and they were looking back! So many shining lights looking at me! I felt warm despite the normal cold the night usually brings.
I lay there for a long, long, long time. No words or sounds needed to be said, the lights and I only needed to talk to each other using our eyes. I felt understood. They were a thousand eyes looking at me, understanding me for who I truly was. Not blinded by preconceptions.
My thoughts feel... wrong. They feel like rocks against the ocean shore. Weathered and aged by time. Ever since I woke up to that nasty sound, everything about myself felt wrong, gross, and disgusting. Like I wasn't my true self, like I had never been my true self and I only realized it tonight.
Were the lights getting brighter? I tilted my head slightly as if that would help me understand what I was looking at more.
The lights were becoming blindingly bright, yet I couldn't look away. The air around me felt hot, burning my lungs.
I felt as if the parts of me that made me who I am were... Shifting. Gathering. Breathing.
It was impossible to look away from the lights in the lightless sky.
Before the lights were simply twinkling and dancing but now....
They were moving.
Shifting.
Gathering.
Breathing.
And then I saw It.
As I glimpsed It
It glimpsed me
something from the cosmos
touched my eyes
and I
finally
was lucid
"Sam?"
My head feels like it's swimming as my eyes slowly open. Standing above me is Mama, looking concerned.
"Sam, why are you on the couch instead of your bed?" Mama asks, bending down to brush a strand of my hair to the side. Why was I on the couch? I push myself and wipe my eyes, trying to shake off the feeling that urges me to lay back down and sleep.
"I... I couldn't sleep, Mama." As I looked around, I noticed the remote and keys were back where they were before. Everything appears just as it did the day before. Was it all a dream? Wait, what was a dream? I feel like... I am forgetting something? Trying to think about it hurts my head.
Mama sighs. "If you couldn't sleep, kiddo, you should've just come to my room." She puts her hands to her forehead, rubbing them. "Alright, go get dressed. You still need to eat and we can't be late for your first day, can we?" Mama says with a smile.
"Okay, Mama!" Hopping off the couch, I run into my room and start to pick out my best clothes for my first day, making sure to pick my glasses off my bedside table in case I forgot. I peek out into the living room, getting a better look at Mama. She has always looked very old and wise with her long brown hair, which is even turning grey! Like a grandma! Mama doesn't like it when I point that out, though, she says she's a lot younger than she looks. I wish her hair was more brown like mine, so we could properly match!
"Kiddo! Breakfast is on the table!" Mama shouts, not realizing I'm already walking over. "Oh, there you are." She bends down, patting me on the head. "Are you excited for Kindergarten?"
"No... What if they think I'm too awesome and try to keep me there?" I played with my hands, trying not to sound too worried.
Mama let out a chuckle, giving me a wide smile. "Well, then I guess I'll just have to sneak in and take you back then." She pulled out a chair for me at the living room table, watching as I pulled myself up onto it. My eyes widen as I see what is on my plate.
"W... We... We are having scrambled eggs?!" I shout, filled with joy. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou sooooo much, Mama!"
She chuckled again, sitting down on the other end. "It's the only damn thing you'll eat, I swear..."
"You swore!!!" Screaming over the table, I pointed my finger as hard as I could at her.
"Oh, right. Please forgive me, oh great one. I give you my most humble of apologies." Mama did a silly bow. I couldn't help but laugh at her being like that. I poke my fork into the scrambled eggs, scooping it up. Bringing it to my mouth, I do my best to blow the heat away from it before biting down on it. It's hot, but not to the point where I'm afraid it's trying to kill me.
"...Mama, do I... have to go?" I look over as I stuff more and more of the food into my face. "I... wanna stay with you, Mama."
"Kiddo, It's going to be fine. It'll be over before you know it." There was a strange look on her face as she said that, though I couldn't understand what it meant. She reached over the table, tapping my food with her fork. "Now, come on, finish up or we'll be late."
I gobble down the rest of the scrambled eggs as fast as I can, almost choking as I do so. Hopping out of my chair, I run to my room to grab my backpack, getting ready to go on my first adventure in a new place.
The car pulls into the parking lot. Reaching down I unbuckle my seatbelt, open the car door, and push myself out of the seat and onto the floor. Looking to the left, I see the giant building towering over me, I have to stay here?
"Mama, this place stinks," I grumble, turning to her. "Why couldn't we go somewhere more cool?"
She snorted, walking around the car to me. "Kiddo, It's just the outside, you know not to judge a book by its cover."
I stick my tongue out, following behind her as we enter the big building. Compared to the outside, which was grey and lifeless, the inside was a lot more colorful. Reds, blues, and yellows flowed on the walls like waves. Mama and I ended up walking up to this large desk.
"Oh, hello! Are you Vivian?" Some strange adult started to talk to Mama from the other side of the desk.
"No, actually, I'm part of the FBI. Down here's my subordinate, Sergeant Sam." Mama put her hand on her hip, speaking in a way that told me she wasn't serious. I wasn't a Sergeant! Well, I didn't know what Mama did for work, so she could be part of... whatever she said. "Kidding. Yes, I'm Vivian Scarlet."
"Alright, so we'll just need you to si-" At that point, I stopped paying attention to the conversation, and my eyes began to drift around the place, trying to simply understand. Every new place I went to was something of a wonder, hopefully, that feeling never goes away.
Mama suddenly said something, but I didn't understand what she said, even though she said it to me. Or at least down at me? She started walking down a hallway, beckoning me along. Following right behind her, I go back to looking around at the walls. Some of them even had giant cartoon animals on them. You could tell they were fake before they weren't moving. Mama entered this weird room and I followed her in. The rooms before were colorful, yes, but this place was even MORE colorful.
We walked up to a chair at the end of the room where a lady sat, Mama already starting to talk to this new lady. However, I was more focused on the room itself. This room was large with a deep blue floor. Its walls were a light green, windows covering one side, allowing you to see out into what looked like a playground. Some of the walls had fake orange leaves, the kind you'd see on trees and the ground. Some of the leaves were even red, yellow, and brown! There was a clock, shelves with books on them, cupboards with books on them, and even kids like me reading books. There was a large carpet that covered most of the floor. It had a rainbow pattern, It was red at the edge, and in the very center, it was purple. This place was awesome!
"Oh!" The woman on the chair startled me, she had turned to me, got off her chair, and bent down to my level, all without me seeing it happen. "You're Sam Scarlet? I've heard so much about you. It's nice to meet you! I'm Ms. Montgomery. You can just call me Miss If it's too much of a mouthful."
Ms. Mont..go...Ms. Montgomery smiled at me, she looked... kind. She wore a lot of green and had a lot longer dress than anything I'd ever seen before. Also, her hair was red or orange. Weird. "... M'kay." I hid behind Mama, just in case. She might be lying and here to kidnap me, you never know. I looked up at Mama, hoping she would have something smart to say at this time to help me.
"Kiddo, this is going to be your teacher from now on," Mama said, smiling at me. "She'll take care of you and help you learn stuff while I'm gone. You're going to behave, right?"
"Yes, unless she tries to kidnap me, then I'll use my awesome skills to beat her up!" I said, jumping up and wrapping my arms around her legs, hugging her. I felt her hand ruffle my hair, it felt strange yet nice at the same time, It made me feel happy.
Mama turned back to the other lady, Ms. Montgomery, or whatever. After a bit she said goodbye, heading and leaving the room. From what Mama had told me in the days before, I'm pretty sure this place is called Class. She said it's where I can learn to make stories and other stuff. Walking over to the window, I did my best to look out to see the playground. There were swings! Lots of different slides, all different colors. Some of them even had multiple colors!
After some time had passed, Ms. Montgomery had called everyone in the middle, or at least onto the carpet. She had us form a circle, there weren't that many of us, so we didn't have to go back as far as the carpet. She went on and on about what to expect, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. She finally got to why she had us form a circle after like, a year or two. She wanted us to make introductions or something to each other. Why? I'm here to learn, not to be bothered by other people. Was this something about Class that Mama didn't tell me? Wow, Mama.
She began to go around, having other kids introduce themselves, I didn't pay attention to their names or whatever they said about themselves. Okay, I'm bored, what else can I think about? Hm, What do I want to do when I grow up? Mama always insisted that I'd grow up one day and become SUPER tired like her, but I thought that was stupid, I could do other stuff.
Why was she even so tired in the first place? Something about her job? Why didn't she just stop doing it? It makes me mad, Mama, you need to rest! It's probably one of those silly adult reasons, like how you have to brush your teeth. Yuck. Boo. If it's good for you, why is it so gross? That doesn't make any-
"...Sam?"
Ms. Montgomery stared at me for a few moments. Uh, what? Actually, EVERYONE is looking at me. Did I do something... OH. It's my turn to make an introduction.
"H-Hi! I'm Sam Scar... Scarlet. I'm..." I quickly look down at my left hand, counting the fingers. "Five! I'm five years old so I know a lot. I- Uh, like trying to write, dr... drawing! I like animals and Spongebob Squarepants, he's my hero!" I notice some of the other kids seem less and less happy as I go on. They must be sad because they are only hearing about this now. I believe as Mama would say in this situation, it's better Late the Never. I don't know who that is, but Mama always says it during stuff like this, so it must be right. "So, I learned his song, if you want me to tell you all of it, I can! It's not that hard. It does take some time to learn, though."
"Um, Sam...?"
"I also have a cat! His name is Fluffy. Well, he's a stuffed toy, so he's not like other cats. He's awesome, protecting me from monsters at night. I asked Mama if he could c... come..? come here, but she said Fluffy has to protect the house, so he do much gooder at his job. I first met-"
"Sam."
I looked over to who was so rude to interrupt me, Mama said you should never do that. It was Ms. Montgomery who interrupted me? Why was she being rude? I tilted my head at her, I watched cats do it on TV when they are confused.
"You only needed to tell us one fact about yourself, but I'm glad you are excited to be here!" She said with a smile, though she sounded tired when she said it. Did all adults need to rest more? Well, she sounded fine earlier, but whatever.
Eventually, everyone got their introductions over with and we began to learn some stuff. It was a lot more entertaining than I thought'd it be. Learning interesting stuff was fun! I was feeling weird just sitting still though, made me feel wrong. Shifting in place helped a little bit, but I didn't want to just sit on the floor all day. That was boooring!
At long last, the teacher said something about playtime, allowing us to go out onto the playground for a bit. Great! All the other kids and I rushed outside, most of them climbing onto the playground. I thought that was a bit boring though. You'd be constantly bothered by other kids! That's no fun! The key to real fun is to just walk around and play inside your head! You get to move around, not get bothered, and do anything you want! Mama calls it Daydreaming cause it's like you're dreaming but it's the day! You are also awake, Mama, so It still doesn't make sense.
As I'm walking around, having a blast thinking, I notice something. Over by one of the large walls surrounding the playground, a boy is sitting and has raised their legs and is holding them. Weird. Did they hurt themselves? Looking around, no one seems to be going over to help. What?! Why?! Well, Mama always said to do the right thing, so do the right thing I must. Actually, do I want to? It's more fun just thinking and stuff. Yeah, I'll do it. Walking over, I pat the boy's head.
"Hello. You okay?"
The boy looks up and he's crying! He is hurt! Oh no! "I-I'm fine." The boy says, sniffling. "It's okay."
Huh. He said he's okay, but I can see he's not. What do I do? He won't tell me! I sit down beside him, waiting for him to stop crying. Maybe he'll tell me then? He seems to cry, very quietly, for a bit longer, looking back down at his feet. Eventually, he turns and looks at me again.
"You have blue eyes." I point toward his face, it kinda looks like the tears are coming from a waterfall.
"So a-are yours?" The kid said, somehow laughing and crying at the same time, looking over to me. I just nodded at him and smiled, but instead of talking more, he just went back to looking at his feet again.
...
"W-Why are you still here?" I think that's what he said, it's hard to tell when he keeps on sniffing, or whatever he's trying to do.
"You're sad."
"O-Oh. T... thanks, I guess." The boy seems to calm down a bit and after a few moments, he goes back to talking. "It... they... just... I just have no friends! The other kids don't like me and I feel sad. I don't like it."
"Why do you want to be friends with them?" I tilted my head, trying to show my confusion. Who cares about playing with the other kids? That's a lot more boring.
"I- I, uh, I... I don't know! I just do!" He moved his hands up in the air as if flipping something. "I just want to talk about stuff that I find dinosaurs. They're cool, but they said dinosaurs aren't real! They are! We have bones!"
"That's stupid! They are stupid! How can they think dinosaurs aren't real?!" Honestly, I didn't think I ever heard something so scary. Of course, dinosaurs are real, why wouldn't they be?
"Y-yeah, right. Stupid." The boy sounded less full of energy than he had a moment ago. "Do... you like dinosaurs?"
"Yeah, I do. I wanna be as big as them! I could do so much stuff if I was that big!" I said, opening my arms wide and flailing them around.
"U-um... would, you, uh, want to be my friend, maybe?" The boy mumbled, fiddling with his hands. This kid seemed to have problems getting the words he wanted out. I could relate, that's always been a problem for me. Huh, now that I think about it, I have been speaking pretty well the entire day. Well, whatever. Good for me, I guess.
Anyway, back to his question, did I want to be his friend?
"Yeah!"
Before I knew it, the day was already over! It felt so long but now it's over! I thought we wouldn't be done for another hour or something. Most kids had already left, and I was one of the last ones still in this place. Mama, when are you going to get here?
The sound of the door broke my thoughts, I spun around, to see if it was Mama. It was! Mama walked over to Ms. Montgomery and started to talk with her.
"Hey, I hope my kid wasn't too much trouble for you, were they?" Mama sighed, recalling how energetic I could be. I think, at least.
"No, no. They were fine, just talked a bit too much. They were very attentive during class! I think they're going to be a great fit with the other kids, they just need a bit of encouragement." Ms. Montgomery took Mama's concerns away and destroyed them like a big strong monster, but like a cool one.
"Mama! Mama!" I run over towards her, hugging her legs. "Mama! Mama!"
"Oh, sounds like someone had a good day!" Mama picked me up off the ground, squeezing me in a hug before putting me back down. "Well, thank you for taking care of Sam. We'll see you tomorrow. Come on, kiddo, let's go home, we are going to have sandwiches for dinner since you behaved so well."
"Yay! Yay!" I run around Mama, filled with excitement. Mama leads me out of the building and we get into the car, heading back home.
Mama while still focusing on the road, took a moment to glance at me through the rearview mirror. "So, Sam, how was your first day?"
I felt my body explode with energy, too bad I was stuck by this seatbelt. "Oh! Oh! It was great! I made a friend! His name is Jake! He's nice and he likes dinosaurs! He says the T-Rex is super duper cool! He also has a dog, Mama! A dog! Oh, and the teacher was nice! We made introductions, learned about letters and stuff."
"That's nice. I'm glad you made a friend." I could see through the rearview mirror, a small smile grew on her face. Mama looks sad most of the time, so seeing her happy is great! I'll have to make sure she's happy every single day from now by telling her about my day!
"Stop the car." The words flowed out of my mouth calmly and coldly.
"What-" Mama raised her eyebrows at what I said for a moment before in front of us, a car came into view driving at high speeds, and was about to cross where we were about to pass. Mama slammed the brakes, stopping just in time. Another car almost rammed into us from behind because we stopped. "O-Oh! Uh, good eyes, Sam." Mama turned to the direction where the car was speeding off too. "Where the hell are the cops? That guy is going to crash into someone at that speed."
"You swore, Mama." Mama simply just sighed in response to me calling her out for her swearing. Bad Mama.
"Kiddo, it's bedtime. C'mon." Mama said, leaning down to pick me up. However, I was too fast for her! I used all my strength, which was limitless, to run to the other side of the couch.
"Nooooo! I wanna stay up and watch more Spongebob! Please! Please!" I begged and pleaded, hoping the tyrant that was my mother would allow me a few more minutes of peace. I got down on my knees even and put my hands together, literally begging. "Please! Just a bit longer!"
Mama let out a huge sigh, her head dropping down to look at the floor. "Okay, fine. But just an episode or two. Then bedtime, got it?"
"Yes, yes, yes! Thank you so much, Mama!" Jumping for joy, I jumped back on the couch. Mama looked over at the screen for a moment before walking over and sitting down beside me.
A few minutes passed as Mama and I watched TV on the couch. I'm now lying down as I rest my head against her side. Spongebob Squarepants (My Hero) plays on the TV, his natural awesomeness being ignored by Squidward. Squidward is more of a bad guy than the green one, why doesn't Spongebob Squarepants just fight him so he'll go away?
S ome th ing is wro ng wi th t his pl ace
"Hey, Mama..." Shifting my position, I ask Mama. "When am I going home?"
...
...
Mama still hadn't replied yet. Turning up, I looked to see if she hadn't heard me. Was I being too quiet? Mama always said I was too loud and I needed to be more quiet. No, she did hear me. Her face was completely white. She looked more like a ghost than my Mama. Her eyes were looking down at me, wider than I had ever seen them. When she realized I was looking at her, she spoke.
"Uh, sorry... can you repeat that?"
"When am I going home, Mama?"
"Kiddo, you are home."
"Oh, right." I turned my head back to the TV, already going back to watching Spongebob Squarepants.
I looked around the room. I was, as she said, home. So, why didn't that feel right? I know I have lived here my entire life. It felt like I was telling myself the sky was, actually, green instead of blue. Saying it to myself didn't change how much I knew it wasn't true. But it was true. I was home.
Something to wonder about another day, I suppose.