Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

We open, our protagonist and deuteragonist, Uzi and N, outside on Copper-9, lying in the snow, looking up at the sky. Well, Uzi was lying in the snow, the heat of N’s internals meant it melted under him. Which meant he was lying in a puddle, and the snow Uzi was lying on was more like slush by now. So, technically neither of them was really lying in snow anymore. Both of them probably wished they had brought sleeping bags. But then they’d have to find sleeping bags, and the bunker’s storage system was big. And they were already on thin ice, they weren’t exactly allowed to be camping by themselves, without supervision. Because teens and their magnet use, or unprotected code sharing, or anything else Uzi had partially heard in the PSA’s she slept through. Plus, a tent and a few boxes of oil going missing could be overlooked, two sleeping bags going missing at the same time would be a bit more suspect. They could take one sleeping bag and share it, but that was only slightly less suspicious, and sharing a sleeping bag was only one step away from sharing a bed. N was certain his CPU would melt if they did that, and Uzi decided to listen to him. Not that she cared about that, mind you. Definitely not.

But, despite lying in slush, Uzi was glad she did this. She wanted some time to be alone with N without her mom glaring at her disapprovingly for the next week, so they decided to go camping. They had only gone camping once before, and that was a disaster. Seven people died. But, this time, it was just the two of them. Uzi and N. The current host of the Solver and a Disassembly Drone. In all honesty, it was probably safer if no one else came with them. For the other person. But, they were together, by themselves. What could possibly go wrong?

Uzi shifted, trying to figure out how to drink oil while lying on her back without spilling it. As well as trying to find a way to ignore the feeling of slush seeping in through her clothes. N has been still for a while. He didn’t mind lying in a puddle. He was used to the feeling.

“You see stars, dude?” Uzi asked.

“Yeah…”

They lay in silence for a while. Slowly, not entirely consciously, they locked hands. Uzi could feel her core begin to heat up, despite the blankets of snow coming down. She could hear N’s cooling fans activate, even over the sound of the wind. They had not had time to be together like this… ever. But now, it was just the two of them. No one else. No problems, no distractions, no people, no world-ending galactic threats trying to devour their hearts and destroy their minds, and no mom trying to scratch down the door because “I was a teenager once, I know what ‘hanging out’ means young lady!” Just them, the stars, and the sub-arctic conditions of Copper-9. Sure, the weather was awful, but it always was. And somehow, that seemed to matter less. It just felt… right. Even though they had only actually started dating half a month ago, and only known each other for only about a year, it felt like, in that moment, they had known each other for years. Just, being together, being so close, Uzi could almost- wait.

Uzi suddenly sat up. “Shit, get up! That means our tent's missing!”

N sat up as well.

“Did it blow away?”

“How should I know? Probably! Ugh!” Beads of sweat started to form on her visor. “Crap, Dad's never gonna let me take stuff from storage if he finds out. We need to find it!”

Both of them got up, scanning the barren wasteland around them. The tent was blue. There was nothing but white for kilometers.

End scene.

Chapter Text

We open, our deuteragonist and protagonist, N and Uzi, outside on Copper-9, searching for the tent. Both had taken to the air, Uzi on wings made of probably human flesh, N on metal wings that housed anti-grav technology. Uzi was lower to the ground, her eyesight wasn’t as powerful as N’s. He could see almost four thousand meters, if he focused. N flew high above the wasteland, all five of his eyes scanning it in regular, thermal, infrared, ultraviolet, and the fifth vision. But there was no sign of a tent, just the blasted remains of buildings and the silhouettes of corpse spires.

“Biscuits.” N couldn’t help but use profanity at a time like this. If they returned to the bunker without the tent, it’d only be a matter of time before Uzi’s dad found out. He probably wouldn't mind all that much to be honest, N knew he had let Uzi off the hook for taking things from storage and not returning him a bunch of times. But if Uzi’s mom found out she had taken it to hang out with a Disassembler, then she’d be livid. And she’d be especially mad because it was him. Ever since she found out that they were “hanging out”, she’d made sure to let both Uzi and him know that she disapproved of them even being in the same room together, let alone the fact they were dating. And N knew Uzi's dad would take her mom’s side, but he barely blamed him for that. If the same thing had happened to him, if N was married and he had thought his wife was dead for 17 years, he’d probably do whatever she wanted too. Then N’s mind started to wander towards the idea of Uzi in a wedding dress, and he quickly started thinking about something else before he overheated. That something was the fact Uzi’s dad would ground her, and N wouldn’t be able to see her for at least two days. N knew his limits, but that was probably beyond them.

N glided down to Uzi. “Any luck?” He had to shout over the wind, this high in the sky, there was nothing to dampen it.

Uzi growled as she turned towards N, though N could see the expression on her visor soften a little bit when they made eye contact. “Nothing. You?”

N sighed. “No. Nothing. I’m sorry.”

“Dude, what did I tell you? Don't apologize for stuff that's not your fault.”

N scratched the back of his head. “I know, I just… I should have noticed the tent going missing.”

“I should have too. But we didn't, so here we are!” Uzi threw up her hands. N looked away from her, trying to hide the fact that her words didn’t reassure him.

Uzi’s expression softened. He was never good at hiding things from her. It always made him feel dirty. “Listen. Let’s just try to find it. It’s not like it disappeared into thin air, or something.” Uzi gave a nervous chuckle. N could tell she was trying to cheer him up. He gave her a soft smile. She could always cheer him up.

Just not completely.

It was his fault. He was sure of it. He was in the tent. He had all of his eyes open. If anyone should have seen it go missing, it was him. How did he miss it? And now Uzi was blaming herself. When he and Uzi had officially started dating, he had hoped that he wouldn’t have to feel… this way again. But he did. And it was his fault.

If only he could find- holy cheese and crackers.

“Uzi, there!” N pointed towards the blue object he could see in his fifth vision. It didn’t show up in his infrared or ultraviolet vision though. Weird. It showed up in his normal vision. And it obviously didn’t show up on thermals, since when does a tent have a heat signature?

Uzi had to squint to see it, her visor started flickering as she tried to focus on the distinct speck of blue. “That… looks like the tent. How did it end up there? That’s at least two klicks out.”

“Weird.” N agreed as he began gliding towards the tent. Uzi, with a grin on her face and a single flap of her wings, sped past N. N laughed in response as he sped up.

As he caught up to her, he saw his temperature monitor begin to rise. That wasn’t good. Hopefully they had enough oil. Although he felt horrible needing to take it. After all, he was out here with his super duper cool and awesome girlfriend, who needed oil as much as he did... and deserved it more. N was fine not drinking for a while. As long as it was for her. Especially if it was for her. He loved doing anything.

Then Uzi turned and smiled at him, as N forgot about whatever he was thinking about, and his temperature monitor spiked. He softly glided over to her, their wingtips were almost touching.

“Ugh, thank Robo Jesus you spotted it.” Uzi said. “How did neither of us notice anything?”

N laughed nervously. “Yeah. I should’ve-”

“ WE should’ve noticed.” Uzi corrected. “I mean, the tent had a floor. And it was closed. We really should’ve noticed it was missing before we did.”

“Huh. Well, maybe we-” N noticed something out of the corner of his vision. He desperately hoped his sensors were malfunctioning, as he looked straight ahead. “It’s gone.”

“What?” Uzi whipped her head back in the direction of where the tent should be. The look on her face told N that he wasn’t seeing things. “ ARE YOU FU- ” And that she was pissed. That too.

End scene.

Chapter Text

We open, our protagonist and deuteragonist, Uzi and N, outside on Copper-9, searching for the tent. Well, sort of. They weren’t really searching that hard. Uzi was holding her railgun so tightly the casing almost looked like it was going to break. She wanted to break something. Like, really break something. Absolutely crush it. Irreversibly. Break it so that even she couldn’t fix it. Maybe tear it apart. Use the Solver on it. Repeatedly. Fling it into space. Shoot it with her railgun at least six times. Yes, that would take at least three hours to do, but she wasn’t exactly feeling merciful to whatever piece of scrap metal she saw next.

As if on cue, N popped into her vision. “Uzi. You good? Why are you holding your railgun like that?”

Uzi looked at him. “Bite me! I'm fine. Just-” She spun around, her gaze sweeping the empty white landscape as if she could physically tear the missing tent from the void. A chunk of frozen metal, half-buried in the snow, caught her eye. She lunged, screaming at the piece of scrap, her railgun firing a concentrated green beam of pure energy, creating a shockwave as the burning air flew into the frozen wind surrounding it. The blast echoed across the wastes, vaporizing the metal in a shower of snow and superheated gas, sending ripples through the soil and rock like waves in spilled oil. “fine. Just fine.” She said, breathless, looking back at him. Her visor flashed, the triple-pronged symbol of the Solver replacing her eye for a moment.

“Uzi…” He said softly. Uzi sighed. She should have known he wouldn’t be convinced. She stared at the smoking crater she’d just made, the frigid winds already turning the white-hot rock to a familiar yellow glow. Her railgun steamed in the cold, pulsing almost in sync with her own core.

“I’m fine.” Uzi repeated. “I’m just… really tired.”

N glanced around nervously. “We can rest, if you want.” Uzi was just opening her mouth to say no, when he gave her a look. And that look was enough to get her to reconsider. She just couldn't help but want to say yes. He just looked so sad, like a lost puppy! His eyes looked like they were tearing up, in the way that, if she asked, he would say he was alright, but in a way that just made you feel like the fact you asked him just made it less fine. He even looked like he was about to start whimpering! He wasn't yet, if he was she would have caved instantly, but he looked like he was about to, he just looked so sad!

“...Ugh! Fine!” N’s expression immediately brightened. “Just for a bit. We still need to find that stupid tent.”

The two of them landed near the rusted husk of a semi-truck, the skeleton of its driver still frozen to the wheel in a silent scream. The logo on the side was faded, it looked vaguely like a pie, but Uzi was sure it had to be something else. She sat down, banging her head against the side of the truck. A worried look crossed N’s face as he sat next to her.

“I meant to do that.” Uzi muttered. She was surprised she wasn't lying about that for once. But she could tell from N’s expression that he believed her about as much as the other times. He didn't. And didn't want her to know that.

Uzi and N sat together, leaning against the semi-truck. Though Uzi wasn’t actually all that tired, she had just said that to get N to stop worrying about her, she could feel that this rest may have been necessary. The stress of searching had begun to eat into her oil reserves. She could feel the snow begin to melt around her, not to the degree that it did around N, but her internals were clearly stressed. Besides, N probably wouldn't stop worrying about her, no matter what she said. That was just how N was. He cared about everyone he met, and, more than anything, wanted to make sure he could always meet them again some time. And, despite how much it felt like a particularly good dream that Uzi was always certain she’d wake up from, N really cared for her. More than anyone she had ever known.

And, maybe, this felt like a good dream to him as well. One he was also terrified of waking up from. One he wanted to last as long as possible, to stay with her, to be something else than just another Disassembly Drone, to have something more in life than the promise that he was built to kill, and be killed.

Uzi scooted closer to him at that last thought. She knew that would make him happy. Not that she wanted to make him happy or anything. Well, she did, but not because she cared. Totally not. That was when she noticed the snow around N was already melting. Faster than it normally did. Noticeably faster. Not worryingly faster, though. Not yet.

“N, do you have enough oil?”

He looked at her when she spoke, definitely not expecting her to ask him that. “Oh, yeah, I'm alright.” He smiled at her, though his smile looked less… like him than usual. She noticed that his eyes lingered on her neck a few seconds longer than usual. Or, if the voice at the back of her mind she really didn’t want to listen to was right, on the central oil line in her neck. Uzi hoped he wasn't purposely going hungry for her sake, he needed the oil more than she did.

Maybe they should head back. Uzi didn’t like the possibility of her… boyfriend, it felt so weird that she could call someone that, getting roasted alive because of some stupid tent. They didn’t need to find it, her dad probably wouldn’t even notice it was gone, it wasn’t like they needed to ration anymore, now that the Workers and Disassemblers weren’t killing each other anymore. Mostly because pretty much all of the Disassemblers were too dead to try anymore. In hindsight, if Uzi had known that the Absolute Solver was just going to send every single Disassembly Drone to Cabin Fever Labs and their deaths simultaneously, maybe she wouldn’t have tried to take the fight to them. But then she wouldn’t have met N, she would be stuck in the bunker forever being disliked by everyone, and N would be somewhere in a giant pile of corpses waiting to be eaten by hundreds of Anti-Drone Sentinel robots.

N deserved better than that. He deserved a lot more. More than her, probably. The Solver had put him through hell and back. If Uzi made him keep going just for her stupid freaking tent, and he overheated and died because of it, then she’d just be finishing what Cyn started.

Uzi wouldn’t do that. The very idea of doing that sent her logic centers to the verge of crashing. N had been the one who befriended her when it was his job to kill her alongside everyone else in the bunker. Who fought through his programming to keep himself from ripping her oil line out with his teeth, just because he trusted her. The one to stay with her when she exiled herself, despite the fact that his neural network was still ordering him to kill her, just because he cared for her. And even when he had overridden his programming, he still followed her when she took him back to the bunker, where every single drone there was still logged as a target for disassembly, just because he liked her. Worse, when he’d saved her life, when she couldn’t do anything but stay there and watch as the Solver tried to kill her, she’d cowered away from him. She knew how much that hurt him. How much SHE had hurt him.

…

And that was just the first few months they’d known each other.

How many other times had she hurt him?

She remembered it.

Every single time.

Why?

Why why why why why?

Why did she keep hurting him?

Why was she hurting him?

What was wrong with her?

He’d done so much for her, and how did she repay him?

Why couldn’t she just-

It was at that moment that Uzi’s thoughts were interrupted by N leaning his head on her. She heard him let out an involuntary sigh as his hand slowly drifted closer to hers. Then he hesitated, before moving his hand up, around her shoulder, and squeezing the two of them together.

…

Uzi couldn’t help but smile softly as she leaned into him, locking her fingers with his, and thought one last thing.

“I don’t deserve this idiot.”

End scene.

Chapter Text

Below, th’re w’re two. Two beneath the stars, laying und’r the glance of the heavens, huddl’d togeth’r towards the bitter cold, blasted, shatt’r’d rocketh they bethought of as home. They b’re each oth’r, as wouldst they w’re all yond wast left ‘i the globe. F’r they bethought they w’re high-lone ‘i the bitter cold.

How wrong they w’re.

Above, th’re w’re two. Two broth’r-stars, pacing each oth’r endlessly across the most wonderous Dream, their gazes wand’r’d down to the things so far beneath ‘em. Two broth’r-stars, each a l’rd ‘i his owneth right. One, the king of a landeth wh’re the stars burn’d black and the night wast white. One, the pharaoh of a landeth et’rnally shatt’r’d by his owneth lies, wh’re rocketh and flesh becameth one. The pharaoh did question his broth’r why these bawbling things did steal his gazeth. F’r what w’re these machines? The golems of ants? The homunculi of insects? Insects yond, ‘i this parteth of the Dream, w’re not e’en living. These things w're madeth to mimic the Sapiens yond did create those folk, yet they w're less than human, below an already lowly existence. The king toldeth his broth’r that these things w’re hath lost. They w’re did separate from their kind. ‘tw’re the p’rfect beginning f’r a st’ry. The pharaoh scoff’d. He wouldst ne’r und’rstand his broth’r’s loveth of the theatrical. Yet, the king did add, this parteth of the Dream was stagnant. The insects yond once did inhabit t hadst been cull'd.  All yond wast hath left wast their mast'rless s'rvit'rs. 

Wouldn’t ‘t beest int'resting to reunite ‘em with their creat'rs?

The pharaoh did question their broth’r, wherefore not wend to anoth'r parteth of the Dream? They w’re not teth’r’d to this pointeth. The king toldeth his broth’r yond that he hath found these two things below ‘em rath’r endearing together, and that he did want to useth ‘em ‘i his next st’ry. The pharaoh couldst only chuckle ‘i response.

The pharaoh hath found this acceptable, as the broth’r-stars hath sent the two below to the king’s next stage.

The next stage wast a most wondrous city. At some points in the most wondrous Dream, ‘t wast consid'r'd the greatest of all. The pharaoh scoff'd at yond. This city wast a ygynon one. Not just ygynon, but human, the lowest of all ygynons.  Howev'r, the king didst findeth int'rest in this city.  This so-call'd “big apple”. 

New York City. 

The pharaoh hath asked his broth'r, wherefore w're they h're? Wast this to beest his next stage? the king responded, aye, to which the pharaoh couldst only alloweth his displeasure beest known by casually turning a nearby human outside-in with the flick of one of his many wrists. 

The king sigh'd at his broth'r's action, but didst not rev'rse ‘t. He remind'd the pharaoh yond they shouldst not appeareth in these f'rms while those gents w're th're, lest they ov'rshadow all the oth'r act'rs. The shadows lengthen'd 'round the king, as he did replace his royal f'rm with his costume: a German with black, neatly groom'd hair, a well-wax'd goatee upon his visage, wearing a yellow suiteth and fedora, his eyes cov'r'd with rose-tint'd spectacles. 

The same did occur f'r the pharaoh, though his f'rm wast diff'rent: an Egyptian, with skin far dark'r than any amount of melanin wast able to produceth naturally, his corse absent of hair, wearing what may has't did look liketh a blue suiteth, but, on clos'r inspection, wast a frieze of blues, blacks, and purples 'rganiz'd into bawbling patt'rns of pentagrams.

The pharaoh hath asked his broth'r wherefore they did need to disguise themselves. They w're most wondrous'r than any ygynon h're, certes they shouldst showeth t? The king couldst only chuckle in response. His broth'r's ego wast truly incredible. The king toldeth his broth'r yond, in this st'ry, they w're not the focus, but instead the background. The seconds. The pharaoh didst not liketh this, but he did accept the indignity at which hour the king toldeth him they wouldst has't m're screen timeth than they n'rmally didst. The pharaoh deem'd this acceptable. He wast not restful of only appearing at the endeth of the st'ry.

F'r, on this day, on All Hallows’ Eve, 1992, at 7:35 am EDT, they w're not longeth'r the king and pharaoh. At this timeth, and until the curtains did close, these gents wouldst beest Johannes van der Burg, playwright and patron of the arts, and his broth'r, the well accomplish'd Dr. Kokopelli Gardner, cometh to visiteth on his fav'rite festival. And, on this day, those gents wouldst beest visiting a restaurant yond Johannes frequented, one yond hath happened to at yond moment, beest visit'd by one Winston Zeddemore, ex-marine and the fourth memb'r of a rath'r infamous parapsychology business. Who is't, at the moment yond the broth'rs arrived, wouldst just doth befall to taketh a calleth from his co-w'rk'rs, of a disturbance at the New York Public Library. 

The pharaoh hadst to chuckle. His broth'r couldst maketh exp'rtly-craft'd st'ries, but they w're nev'r aught but excessively convenient.

End scene.

Chapter Text

We open, our deuteragonist and protagonist, N and Uzi, who were… somewhere. N knew he was asleep, their “short” rest-turned-cuddle-session had apparently resulted in him falling asleep. Somewhere warm. Which didn’t make sense, they were outside on Copper-9 when they fell asleep, they should be freezing. But it felt like he was floating in a sea of blankets, puppies, and marshmallows. He couldn’t feel Uzi by his side though. Maybe she had woken up? N wanted to wake up and check, but he couldn’t. He was dreaming. But it was a weird dream, one where he knew he was dreaming. He couldn’t tell what he was dreaming about. Not Uzi, he felt alone in this dream. Normally, the dreams about Uzi were the only ones where he wasn’t back at the manor. But this dream was different. It felt… weird. More… organic than he was used to. Most of his dreams were more rigid, simulated. He only really had two types of dreams: ones about Uzi, and the bad ones. But this was a new one. It was like he was drifting in a giant ocean on a raft. Which was weird, because he had never even seen an ocean or raft in his life. There were also cats everywhere, for some reason. Which was even weirder, because he had never even seen an image of a cat before. On the raft, in the water, even a few of them WERE the water. This was a weird dream.
N knew they were still supposed to be searching for the tent right now. They shouldn’t be asleep. N was very surprised they hadn’t found it yet, they definitely should have found it by now. Uzi was great at finding things, she was super smart, and really cool. N’s inability to grasp how they hadn't found the tent yet was utterly dwarfed by his inability to fully comprehend how cool his girlfriend was. Because, well, she was just so cool. N could genuinely just sit in her presence, not even nearby, just able to see her, and he'd be happy, just because she was there. He sighed as he remembered all the times he had sat in her room, just watching her tinker with something. Like her railgun! Her sick-as-hell railgun that had brought them together! Sure, that was after she shot his head off with it, but N didn't mind that. He loved doing anything! He'd let Uzi shoot him with her railgun as many times as she wanted, and he'd be happy just because she wanted it. Not that she'd do that, of course, even though he could regenerate any injury in a matter of seconds, she didn't like seeing him get hurt. She was just such a nice girlfriend! And her voice was so wonderful to listen to, it sounded the way freshly-spilled oil tastes: it was always good, and he just couldn't get enough of it! That's why he loved sitting in on her making things, she'd always explain whatever she was doing to him. Sure, he never had any idea what she was saying, but he could recite every word she had ever said to him by heart. That, and explaining stuff to him while she worked apparently helped her work better! At least according to her. He wasn't sure how that worked, but he was glad to help his girlfriend. She deserved it, she had spent years working on stuff and no one had ever recognized her for it! That was just wrong, she deserved all the recognition for that, for all she did, for how great an engineer she was, for how great a person she was! She was perfect, and she deserved everything, N would do anything for her! Anything she asked! It didn't matter what she wanted, he would do it! He would kill for her, she’s perfect, and he would kill ANY and EVERYONE for her, no matter who, she deserved it, she deserved it so much! N loved her so much, he genuinely could not believe how cool his girlfriend was, every little thing about her was just so impossibly Uzi, she was so cool it was literally indescribable, and that was more amazing tha-
“By the blind dreamer, shut up. PLEASE.” A deep voice pleaded from behind him.
N turned around. There wasn’t anyone there.
“Down here, idiot.”
N looked down. There was a large black cat, sitting on the raft. One who looked both annoyed, and confused.
“Awwwwww!” N had to squee at the sight of this creature. It was a cute animal, he just had to. “Look at you! You’re so cute!”
“Don’t patronize me, appliance.”
“Sorry.” N scratched the back of his head.
“Who are you? Why are you here? HOW are you here?”
“Oh!” N saluted the cat. “I’m Serial Designation N, nice to meet you!”
The cat was not impressed. “...Sure. So what are you? That uniform… you’re SS, aren’t you?”
N looked down at his clothes, the short-sleeved black winter coat with a golden fur collar and black belt. He could still feel his hat, good, N didn’t know what he’d do if he lost it. The cat seemed to be especially focused on the yellow armband on his left arm. He had no idea what the cat was talking about. “Uhhh…”
“Where’s the swastika?”
“The what?”
“You know,” the cat tilted their head to get a better look at his armband, “the-” the cat went silent, staring at the black skull on his armband. “What are you, Disney Channel gestapo?” It said with a laugh.
“Huh?” N was pretty sure the cat had made a joke, but he had no idea what the joke was.
“What are you? You aren't mortal, and you look vaguely like one of Die Toten. But you’re a machine. Are you Nachtwölfe? You have to be. But, no, you’re glowing yellow, not blue. But your technology looks Atlantean, and your design is very German…”
“Wow! I certainly understand some of those words!”
“...You know what, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. I haven't left the Dreamlands since the 40s, what’s happened in the Waking Dream since I was gone?”
“...Which 40s?”
“The 1940s, what else would I be talking about?”
N was silent. The cat sighed.
“What year is it?” The cat asked.
“3071…” N chuckled nervously.
“...I knew I should have gotten my clock fixed.” It sighed. “Now I’ll have to go see what’s happened AND do that. That’ll be a lot of walking.”
“Huh?”
“Oh right, you only experience linear time.” The cat smiled smugly. “Don’t worry about it, you wouldn’t understand it anyways.”
“...Okay?”
“Anyways, you being here means something. You’re a machine. You’re inanimate. You can’t dream on your own. Who sent you here?”
Now N was really confused. “What are you talking about? I’ve had dreams before.”
The cat began laughing. “Of course you haven't! You’ve mimicked the act of dreaming, through memories, fantasies, or whatever else your sorry excuse of an intelligence can come up with, but you can’t really dream! I know your kind can’t reach the dreamlands without being sent here. You’re no different.”
“But… wait, how do you know that? Haven't you been stuck here since the 1940s?”
The cat rolled their eyes, and started clapping sarcastically. “Oh, congratulations, you actually listened to what I said. Guess there might actually be the most remote potential of a spark of intelligent thought in the hollow, lifeless dome you call a neural network.” The cat laughed coldly. “And to answer your question, yes, I have been in the dreamlands since die menschen ubers waltzed down the roads of Paris. The thing is, idiot, I've been here. In the dreamlands. Doing my job. I've spent the last millennium and a half guiding dreamers around this trainscrew of a mindwreck, and I've seen a whole lot of dreamers. Mortal, immortal, weird, even divine. But you wanna know what I didn’t see?”
“...Drones?”
The cat cackled. “Ding ding ding, conglaturation, a winner is you! You want a treat for that, Einstein?”
N perked up, he felt his tail start to wag just slightly. “Treat?”
“No treat.” N’s mood fell, and his tail stopped wagging. Truly, this was a bad dream. “Shut it. Anyways, according to the laws of the dreamlands, you glorified toasters can't dream! Not the way your human masters can! You’re just an object! Not even mortal! And the only way an object can get to the dreamlands is if someone sent it here. So, whodunnit? Is it Der Fürher? Maybe your bosses in the Oberkommando? Or did some outer thing decide to banish you to… where are you going again?” The cat suddenly took out a book. N had no idea how they were holding it. “New York City, USA, Earth, October 31st, 1992, at 7:35 am EDT. Huh. That’s… weirdly pedestrian for something like you. Any clue why?”
“Wait, I’m going somewhere?”
“...Are you stupid?”
N nodded his head. “Oh, yes. I get that a lot, actually.”
“...I can see that. Anyways, I’m guessing you got banished. Or you’re going to commit 9/11 early. I don’t care, just stay quiet, and do what I say.”
“What?”
“I said quiet! No thinking about your girlfriend either. Your thoughts are so loud even I can’t block them out. If a dreamer thought this much about something, they’d manifest it. And I don’t want someone on another raft hearing you, and, due to the sheer volume of thought you’ve dedicated to your favorite harebrained simulacrum of 2010s cringe culture, accidentally summon them in my direct vicinity.”
N perked up. There was a way to bring Uzi here? “Wait, cou-”
“No! Shut up, no thoughts, no thinking, I’m not even going to entertain the idea, just sit down, stay quiet, and don’t bother me!”
The two of them continued floating through the ocean for some time between seconds and months, N’s internal clock was spinning forwards and backwards. N didn’t talk for the entire trip, he didn’t want to make the cat mad at him again. He failed, the cat still started screaming at him every thirty seconds when he inevitably started thinking about Uzi. He just couldn’t help it, she was so cool, and super duper awesome and badass and-
“Alright, machine, we’re here. Now is the time that I impart some wisdom upon you before I kick you back to the Waking Dream.”
“Oh, really! Thank y-”
“Shut up. Here is my wisdom: I hate you and I hope your stupid girlfriend suffers and dies in the worst way imaginable. Do the entire great Dream a favor and kill yourself. Not here, though. I just cleaned this raft. Do it once you leave the station.”
“...Oh.” N was not expecting that. “Well, tha-.”
“Leave.”
Then the cat threw a chair at him, and N woke up.
His visor flared to life as his eyes began booting up. He was blind while they were turning on, he could only rely on touch to tell what was around him. Already, he could tell something was off. The ground beneath him was no longer the rough, uneven soil of Copper-9. It was concrete. So we're the walls. He felt something in his hand, he was holding it, it was… another han-
Uzi.
N smiled as leaned towards the sensation of heat next to him. Sure enough, the familiar feeling of Uzi's beanie tickling his face confirmed his hopes.
N’s eyes completed booting up, and he immediately melted. She was there. Right there. He could see her again. His arm was still around her shoulder. She was still holding his hand. N leaned closer, resting his head on hers. On her visor, the vibrant purple of her eyes was now displaying [Sleep Mode]. She looked so cute, lying there. N knew Uzi didn’t like it when he called her cute. Or when anyone did, for that matter. But N just couldn’t help it! Especially now, when she was right the-
“[Giggle. B-Big Br0ther N is acting all-ll-ll lovey-dovey n-n-n0w. How em-mbarrassing. I would l-l-laugh about how stu-u-up-pid you look, but I can’t. You’ve f-forgotten about little ol’ me. That’s not v-very silly of y-y0u-u.]”
N stopped, when he heard that voice behind him. He knew, at the end of Uzi’s tail, coiled behind him, staring at him with six blazing yellow eyes-
“[Head tilt. Don-n’t ignore me, Big Br-rother.]”
was Cyn.
“[Awkward silence.]”
N didn’t respond. He never wanted to talk to her again.
“[Awkward silence. Graciously waiting of a response from my Big Brother.]”
He knew she was trying to get a reaction from him.
“[Annoyed expression. Big brother. N. Pay attention to me.]”
N shut his eyes, and held Uzi close. Hopefully she’d get bored.
“[Annoyed headbutt.]”
N felt the snake-like head prod his neck. He didn’t respond.
“[Annoyed headbutt. Annoyed headbutt. Annoyed h-headbutt. You can’t ignore me forever, N.]”
He continued to ignore the repeated prods to the back of his head.
“[ANGRY. Y-you’re n0 fun any-y-ymore, Big Brother. Annoyed headbutt.]”
N kept his eyes closed. This would be a lot easier if Uzi was awake, she could usually get Cyn under control. But, he could handle Cyn without her. He just needed to-
“[Deserved bite.]”
N’s eyes jolted open with a yelp as he felt Cyn's teeth press into his shoulder. Hard. Not enough to crack his chassis, but it startled him so much he let go of Uzi.
Cyn swung around in front of his face. “[I j-just want to talk to y-y0-u-u-you, Big Brother N. Like we used to.]”
N looked away from her, back towards Uzi. Cyn just positioned herself in front of his eyes.
“[Annoyed glare. Stop looking at h-her. She is not important to u-us. I am.]”
The glowing “X” of the Disassembly Drones briefly flashed across his visor, as claws unfolded from his hands, scraping against the concrete. He could kill her. Not that it'd do anything, she’d just come back a few seconds later as usual, but it’d definitely make him feel better.
“[It has been: Two Weeks, Two Days, Three Hours, Two Minutes, and Thirty-five Seconds since the last time w-we talked. You can't still be mad at me.]”
N sighed as he looked away from her, and, against his better judgement, for the first time in almost a month, he talked to her.
“I don't want to talk to you, Cyn.”
Cyn was thankfully silent for a moment, although it didn't last. “[Head tilt. Confused expression. Are y-y0u still mad at me? Am I not wanted?]”
N glared at her. Normally he hated doing that. It made him feel so mean. But it wasn't hard to make an exception for Cyn.
“[Pondering silence. Sympathetic look. Conflicted expression. Annoyed expression. F-fine, have it your-r way.]”
Thankfully, she didn't try to talk to him again after that. N looked back towards Uzi, and was able to feel happy again when he saw her face.
This had been a long day. But, Cyn aside, he wouldn’t give up the chance to be here for anything.
End scene.

Chapter Text

We open, our protagonist and deuteragonist, Uzi and N, who were… somewhere. Uzi wasn’t really sure anymore, not after the weird dream with the cat. She was still asleep, the dream ending didn’t wake her up, and it had been a long day… or week… or life, whatever, she needed sleep a lot more than she thought she did. That, and it just felt so comfortable. Sure, the ground felt like concrete, but it was warmer than usual. The air wasn’t cold enough to instantly crystallize the moisture in the air, in fact it was the most humid place she’d ever been in. It was more like a cool breeze, still there, but in the way she could just sit there and forget about it, where the temperature didn’t constantly remind her how cold it was. Uzi hadn’t felt anything like that before. And it just felt so good, she could lie there forever! And she probably would, as she realized she couldn’t move. She was being held in place by a very tight grip, a familiar one, one she could always recognize.

N must also be asleep.

Or he had a bad dream.

Or Cyn tried to talk to him again.

Either way, he was holding onto her for dear life, hugging her close enough she could hear his internal processors whirring, he had even wrapped his tail around her waist. He could get so clingy sometimes. Not that Uzi had a problem with that. Sure, maybe if he had done something like this in public she would literally explode, seriously, how could she ever possibly emotionally recover from that? But here, they were by themselves. She was fine with being gross and sappy if it was just the two of them.

And Cyn. She was there too.

But Uzi didn’t really have a choice there, they were kinda sharing the same body and all that, although “sharing” was an incredible overstatement. And she had made sure that Cyn learned that telling people about all of the hardcore rebellious teen stuff she and N got up to meant five minutes in the microwave. Truly, the microwave was the greatest invention of all time. The only good thing humans had ever made. Yes, she included the worker drones in that assessment. Sure, if humans didn’t invent drones, then she and everyone she loved wouldn’t exist, but if humans didn’t invent the microwave, then she couldn’t put things that annoyed her in it. If only there was a microwave big enough that she could put all her problems in it. Like herself!

…

N would be sad if she ever made that joke out loud. He’d probably burst into tears and hug her until his processor shut down if he knew how much of that wasn’t a joke. She hadn’t even woken up yet, and she already hated herself. Just another day in the life of Uzi Doorman, host of the Absolute Solver, self-taught engineer extraordinaire, daughter of the Chief of the WDF, and complete failure in every single way she could think of.

…She should probably wake up. Her self-loathing usually got quieter when she was awake.

Eventually, her optics flickered open—and immediate regret. A nuclear-grade fluorescent light blasted her square in the face. Who the hell put THAT there?

After rebooting, and turning the brightness of her optics way down, she was able to look around.

This place looked absolutely liminal. It was a dirty, concrete stairway, spiraling downwards. The only light came from two fluorescent lights hanging from the ceiling, which Uzi had the bad luck of facing towards when she woke up. The rest of the stairwell was actually pretty dark, she actually bumped her optics brightness back up. Rows of old, exposed metal pipes snaked down the walls, that had to be where this humidity was coming from. The corners were covered in mold and grime, Uzi was very glad she was a drone and didn’t have any organs, if she wasn’t, they’d probably collapse from air quality alone. The floor was coated in a very thick layer of dust, outside of a couple of not-very-recent probably year-old footprints, this place clearly hadn't been inhabited for decades.

Uzi looked next to her, where N lay peacefully. His arm was draped securely over her waist, he was practically wrapped around her. It was so weird how small he looked lying there, when he was almost a whole head taller than her. His eyes were shut, but his visor indicated that he wasn’t in sleep mode. He was awake. Well, probably about as awake as she was, some of her logic coils were still coming out of sleep mode.

Uzi looked at him for a while. At how tightly he was squeezing his eyes shut. He probably had a bad dream. A part of her wanted to let him know she was awake, they needed to talk, she had no idea where they were, and she knew for a fact both of them were getting close to the lower end on oil levels. And she knew N burned through oil faster than her. If they didn’t get up, there was a chance they’d both die. And Uzi knew she’d have to watch it happen to him seconds before she burned up herself. Her last thoughts would be knowing that she could have saved him. She didn’t want that.

On the other hand, a part of her just wanted to let him rest, she knew how bad nightmares were for him. She knew how much her just being there made him feel better. He needed this. He deserved this. He’d been through so much, too much. If anyone deserved a rest, it was him. Uzi… had to admit, he was the best boyfriend imaginable. So, it was high time she at least tried to be the best… girlfriend too. Those words still felt weird to think about. Don't get her wrong, she loved it, having the most amazing boyfriend ever. But, the fact they were dating, no, the fact someone had decided to date her, no, the fact someone as perfect as N had decided to date HER of all people, she still couldn't wrap her head around it. Seriously, he was the nicest, the most loyal, he spent every waking moment just being a fluffy ball of sunshine, even though he wasn’t coded to be that. And Uzi knew how hard that was for him, he tried to hide the cracks, but she could see them. He’d been through so much, given so much of himself, and he still couldn’t help but do more… It was a complete miracle that he hadn’t turned out like any of the other Disassembly Drones, that the absolute blazing sun of kindness in him hadn’t been beaten out. Uzi… knew she loved him. So much. More than anything. He was always the first thing on her mind, the one she wanted to be with every day, and the only reason she still got up in the morning.

It made her feel worse, honestly.

She knew that if anything happened to him, she’d kill everyone she could see and then herself. He deserved that much and more. He did so much for her, so how hard would it be for her to give him something for once? To just let him hold her for a little while longer? Because he deserved that much from her.

And then there was the intrusive, not really awake part of her that wanted to just stop being restrained about how she really felt, rip off his coat, hold him down, snog him until he blue screened, and do things to his chassis that would make any civilized society banish her into the wilderness with nothing but a hatchet and half a can of oil. Uzi intended to ignore the very loud voice at the back of her head telling her to do that, because she knew that that would not help the situation at all, and was also really hormonal and gross and weird.

…

Although, maybe just… ONE kiss wouldn’t hurt.

Uzi slowly cupped N’s head in her hands, moving so carefully, as if he’d break if she held him too quickly. She held his head across from hers, just looking at him for a while. The eyes on his visor, which were previously squeezed shut, relaxed a bit, still closed, as the familiar lopsided and goofy smile, one she would never tell anyone but him how much she loved, appeared on his face. Then he shifted slightly, his grip on her waist tightening just a bit as he leaned into her hands, and that was enough to get her to rethink her internal promise of only kissing him one time. Surely more wouldn’t hurt, right? No no, this had to be quick, just one, then they really had to actually talk about where the heck they were. But he was so cute right now! How could she not ? WHY was she feeling so hormonal right now?

Frustrated, Uzi squeezed her eyes shut, her visor beginning to fill with diagonal purple lines, she knew she was blushing, she just didn’t care right now. She slowly began inching her face closer to N’s, not really sure what she was going to do. Her logic coils may have been mostly awake, but she was just straight up not using them at this point. As she got ready to kiss N either one time or a thousand, she’d figure it out later, she heard a weird sound. A muffled, soft, yet repetitive sound, coming from N, it sounded like-

Wait, was he laughing?

Uzi opened one eye, and was treated to the sight of N, eyes squeezed shut, covering his mouth with one of his hands.

It was then that she remembered that he was awake. And the eyes on his visor didn’t need to be open for him to see her.

And he WAS laughing.

“Uzi…” N mumbled, his voice groggy but warm, clearly trying to hide his amusement, “what are you doing?” He was not successful, as quiet laughter whistled through his hand, and his eyes fluttered open.

Uzi blinked, desperately trying to disregard the bloom of purple lines popping up across her visor. Before she could stop herself, her core did that weird, infuriating fluttering thing it always did when he looked at her like that.

“...Nothing!” she lied, looking away from him.

N laughed as he let go of her, slowly starting to sit up, although his tail remained loosely coiled around her waist. “If you want to kiss me, you can just ask…” He muttered absentmindedly, but his words still caused Uzi's visor to flood with color.

“What? No, I wasn't- No, I- You-!” Uzi buried her face in her hands with a loud groan. “Bite me!”

“Well... if you say so!” Uzi’s eyes shot towards N at the sound of his voice, just in time to see a familiar “X” cover his visor. He lunged at her, mouth open, teeth bared, nanite saliva dripping from his maw, yet his movements were slower than they would be if he actually wanted to bite her. That detail didn’t stop her from holding his head back with her hand, though.

“N, no, not like that!” Uzi couldn’t help but feel a small laugh escape her throat as she lay there, her hand sprawled across his visor being the only thing preventing him from tackling her and harmlessly chewing on her arm until they both collapsed into laughter.

“Awww, why not?” N asked, unable to keep himself from laughing. Uzi found herself laughing too. She didn’t know how and when biting had become such a casual thing for them, especially considering the… cannibalism “thing” that Disassemblers were known for. But Uzi didn’t mind all that much. And N, well, he wasn’t lying when he said he loved doing anything.

Uzi’s hand dropped from N’s visor, and he fell on top of her. An action she regretted for a moment, Disassembly Drones were deceptively heavy, but she soon came to enjoy it as he wrapped her into a hug. They lay there for a while, hugging each other, still laughing together.

…Oh Robo-god, they were SO cringe.

Uzi started patting his head, which was resting on her chest. “Happy?”

N looked at her. He was leaning into her hand, yellow lines were starting to appear near the bottom of his visor. He had that smile, that stupid sappy smile that made her want to stay there and hold him forever. “Hehe, yeah…” Uzi could usually hear his internals whirring during these quiet moments, but now, now she could feel the rotation of fans, the click of servos, the gentle pulse of oil throughout his body, in sync with her own. His embrace was warm, not just the hungry sort of warmth Disassemblers were known for, but a comfy warmth also. N nuzzled her cheek, his white hair brushing against the skin of her chassis. His hat had fallen off at some point, it didn't matter when, all that mattered was that he was there. Right there, in her arms, it was like he was the only other thing in the world. Like if she let go, he’d disappear. So she held onto him, for dear life, for seconds, minutes, hours, days, it didn’t matter how long, all that matters was that he was there, with her, within sight, within reach, within touch, that mattered more than anything else.

…

So why did she feel so selfish about it?

…

“We should get up.” Uzi said with a sigh. If she let them get distracted like that, they'd be lying on the floor and being gross with each other all day. And as much as she would LOVE that right now, they actually needed to figure out where they were.

“Okay.” N said as he unfolded himself from her, trying to speak in a tone that made it seem like he wasn’t disappointed. Badly. Uzi almost caved all over again, just from guilt. She only managed to refocus by looking around the room, away from him.

“...Does any of this look familiar to you?”

“I… don’t think so? It… kinda looks like a normal stairway. But dirtier.”

Uzi looked at N, raising an eyebrow. “Dirtier?”

“Yup. Way dirtier.”

“It… looks normal to me?” Uzi really wasn't sure what to say. Mostly because her logic coils were still trying to keep her hormones at normal levels. It didn't usually take this long.

“You… don't have UV vision. Right. I forgot.” He started laughing nervously.

“...What?”

“I don’t know what those stains on the walls, and floor, and… wow, ceiling are, but something tells me I don’t want to know.”

Uzi… REALLY didn’t know what to say. Granted, the only stains she was familiar with were oil stains, and those were easy to see. “Why would stains only be visible in UV?”

“I don’t know. I, uh, don't think I've ever seen anything like this. That's… cool, I guess!” Uzi looked at N. “And kinda weird.” He quickly added.

“Yeah,” Uzi huffed, “I guess. What does it even look like?”

“Um… like stains?” Uzi raised an eyebrow. “S-sorry, it’s, um, kinda hard to make out.”

“Oh, no, that’s fine, you don’t need to apologize.” Uzi said, quickly. She didn’t want him to start blaming himself again, especially not if it was because of her.

“Oh, alright…” N squinted at the walls. “They look pretty old. And they’re also kinda pale? It looks… maybe green? But it could also be white.”

“Huh. Weird… where are the stains coming from?”

“Hmm, it looks like… down. They kinda start being smaller the higher they are.”

“Cool. So we’re going up.”

N looked at her. “We are?”

“Yup.”

“...Any particular reason?”

“I do not want to have to do laundry ever again.” Uzi deadpanned, memories of last time flowing to the surface of her mind.

Stupid washing machine.

“Ah…” he said, voice filled with understanding. “...You could’ve asked me to-”

“No.”

“Okay… I still don’t think the washing machine deserved that.”

“It defied me, and it got what it deserved.”

“...But did it-”

“Yes it did.”

“...Okay!” A genuine smile covered N’s face. “If you say so!”

The two of them started walking up the stairwell. The steps were big, clearly not designed with worker drones in mind. N was tall enough to climb them just fine, but Uzi found herself slightly lagging behind. These stairs were clearly built for humans. Like a lot of things were, annoyingly.

Thankfully, they didn’t have to walk long. The top was just up two flights of stairs.

At the top, they found themselves facing… a door? It was probably a door. It had hinges. But Uzi had never seen a door like this before. For starters, it was made out of stone. And the hinges weren’t on the side of the door, they were on the top. And they were more like arms than normal hinges, attached to rails. Apparently, this door was meant to slide out and up. There was this weird… pentagram-looking thing on the door. But it wasn’t really a pentagram, the central star was more like a triangle, there were some elliptical rings in the larger circle, and there were three small circles intersecting with lines that looked oddly significant. And if that wasn’t confusing enough, Uzi had no idea what purpose that glass tank with green liquid in it served, only that it served some purpose, since it was connected to the door by a hose.

“Okay, that's... definitely not normal.” Uzi muttered, staring at the door.

N tilted his head. “What is it?”

“I’m… pretty sure it’s a door.”

“You’re probably right.” N said, scratching the back of his head.

They stood in silence for a moment, both staring at the bizarre door mechanism.

“It…” Uzi groaned, “looks like it opens from the other side. Great. Just…” Uzi inhaled, as her visor was overtaken by the symbol of the Solver. A matching Solver burned into reality at the edge of her fingertips, pushing against the air around it.

The door went flying off its hinges with a satisfying tearing noise, kicking up a cloud of dust.

The Solver at her fingertips and on her visor disappeared, as Uzi’s eyes came back into focus. “...great!”

N stared at the now-destroyed door for a moment, then at Uzi. “That was... really cool!” he said with genuine excitement, his tail wagging slightly.
Uzi smiled smugly. “I know.”

Beyond the destroyed doorway, and through the rapidly clearing dust cloud, lay a surprisingly nice-looking corridor. The entire wall was covered in expensive-looking wooden shelves, filled with books.

Apparently, there was a shelf on the other side of the door, if the books lying on the richly carpeted floor were any indication.

Uzi walked through the doorway. “This is…” she picked up one of the books, squinting at the title, “‘The Complete Works of H.P. Lovecraft.’ Huh. That’s definitely a human name.”

“Do you know them?”

“I was hoping you did. I guess it sounds kinda familiar… I think ‘Lovecraftian’ is a genre? I don't know.”

N walked through the doorway. “Well, at least we-” he stopped in his tracks. “Uh, Uzi?”

“Yeah?” She asked, not looking up from the book.

“There’s… uh… something you might wanna look at…”

“Wh-” Uzi looked over at N, then to where he was looking, “oh.”

There, before her eyes, stood something she had never seen before. Never seen living before. What was normally just bone was clad in a layer of flesh, she could practically smell the pulsing blood beneath its skin. Hair, not dyed, but a natural color, clung tight to its head, unlike the wigs worn by most drones, herself included. The clothes she was so accustomed to seeing faded and ill-fitting were vibrant and held tightly over this thing’s body. And it breathed. Uzi couldn’t remember if she had ever seen the rise and fall of a creature’s chest before.

It was a human.

A human that promptly made a noise that sounded something like “EEEYIKES! G-g-g-g-ghost!” , and ran screaming in the opposite direction.

End scene.

Chapter Text

We open, our deuteragonist and protagonist, N and Uzi, who were… in this weird library? They still had no clue where exactly they were. They weren’t exactly in a rush to find out, as they were having a rather spirited discussion-

“I’m just saying, I could’ve killed him.”

“Nooo…” N was tired of killing.

“I could kill him.” Uzi repeated, taking out her railgun.

“I don't wanna…”

“Hey, you don’t have to!” Uzi rested her hand on his shoulder, which immediately stabilized his mental state and sent hers into the stratosphere. “You don’t have to. But I wanna.”

N looked at Uzi for a while. “…Whyyyy?”

“It’s…” Uzi averted her gaze from him, “it’s been, like, my dream since I was, what, five?”

N tilted his head. “…Your childhood dream is to murder humans?”

“BITE ME!” Uzi shouted. “And yes, yes it is.”

“…Huh, that's… really edgy?”

“Ugh, bite me!” She let out a loud sigh, slinging her railgun on her back again. “I’m gonna do it.”

“Please don’t.”

Uzi replaced one of her eyes with the symbol of the Solver. “Already doing it.”

“…Fine. But you aren’t getting any cuddles later.”

The Solver dissipated. “…I changed my mind.”

N planted a kiss on Uzi’s head. “Glad to hear it.”

“N! Wha- mmmmph, BITE ME!” Uzi socked him in the arm, and looked away from him in protest.

N decided that he would ignore this protest, and planted another kiss on her head with an exaggerated “mwah”.

Uzi slowly looked back at him. “Stop being so cute, you… dork.”

“Hehe,” N giggled, scratching the back of his head, “I can’t help it. Sorry.”

N and Uzi stood there for a while, staring into each other’s visors, and everything felt alright. Truly, absolutely nothing could ruin this momen-

“[Giggle. Hee-eeeyyy, wazzup, 1t’s l-little ol’ meeeeee.]”

Of course. That’s exactly what this heartwarming scene needed. It needed Cyn in it.

“CYN!” Uzi grabbed the snake-like head at the end of her tail, who was doing her best impression of innocence. “We were having a moment!”

“[You’r-rre pathet1c, Uz1. Yy-ou can’t even k1ll dis-dis-disgusting humans right. You cl-clearly are-aren’t a real 0mnic1de enjoyer. You h4ve… o-other things. Giggle.]” Then Cyn's voice flattened. “[I want my Big Brother back.]”

“Newsflash, moron, you’re dead!” Uzi narrowed her eyes at Cyn. “Shut up before I kill you again!”

“[Giggle. So-0meone’ss cranky… I’d be mor-re worried if I were y0u. I was the m-most imp-p0rtan7 to Big Brother, I al-lways lov3d h1m most… Hopefu1ly my Big Brother will rem-member who was her3 fiiirssstt… Giggle. Then h3’ll be m1-ine again.]”

Uzi started shaking Cyn. “HE’S HIS OWN PERSON!”

“[AAAAAAh… DIZZY…]”

N didn’t say anything. He just sat there, no thoughts, RAM empty. Just watching his murderous little sister fighting with his slightly less murderous girlfriend over him. Which somehow made even less sense in context. It was still definitely weird though. Especially since they kinda shared the same body. Come to think of it, Uzi and Cyn shared a lot of things. Both of them were short, they both had weird eye colors (yellow and purple/yellow respectively), Cyn and Uzi were both names with three letters, both of them were social outcasts, they were both Solver Drones, both of them were the admin of his internal systems at some point (Uzi still was), both were surprisingly clingy, and both of them were really weird and offputting but in a kinda adorable way. The only difference was that Uzi wasn’t his little sister, which… uhh…

And ignoring that massive pile of Freudian implications that he really didn't want to examine too closely, Serial Designation N decided that it was probably best that he tried to figure out where they actually were.

It looked… like a library. A perfectly regular, completely normal library, like the one they had at the Manor. But less expensive. Oh, maybe it was one of those “public” libraries he had heard some humans talk about! He’d never been to one before! Oh, this was so exciting!

“Uzi!” N turned to his girlfriend, who stopped throttling his little sister long enough to give him her undivided attention. “I think we're in a public library! I've never been in one before!”

“Huh. Really?” Uzi looked genuinely interested. Turns out neither of them had been in a public library before.

“Yeah!”

“Cool.” Then she returned to trying to kill Cyn again.

N tapped his fingers together awkwardly. “…Do you want to, I dunno, explore it together?”

Almost immediately after he said those words, Uzi slammed a book into Cyn's head with the Solver. “yeahsureletsgo”

“…Cool!”

And so, N and Uzi began exploring the library. Well, exploring was a strong term, they were more so just wandering around the library looking at random books. N was trying to find the section about dogs, while Uzi…

“Where are the blueprints?” She groaned. “WHERE ARE THE GUNS?”

“Shhhh.” N whispered, with a pair of librarian glasses taped onto his face. “This is a library, remember?”

“Where did you even get those?” Uzi whispered back, already cursing this terrible institution for not letting her yell as loud as she wanted.

“They were on a desk over there.” N pointed to the desk. It was empty, though it looked like there had been someone there, and they had left in a big hurry.

“…Huh. Are there any more? I wanna make fun of V, she chewed up five of my spark plugs yesterday that I was gonna use for something.”

“Uhhh…” N looked at the desk. The desk didn’t look back, because desks usually don’t come with eyes. “No, I think these were the only ones.”

Uzi crossed her arms. “Well that sucks. Can… I have those ones?”

“Oh, sure!” N tossed the glasses over to Uzi, who promptly slammed them onto her face with an air of anime-esque smugness.

Uzi cleared her throat, before doing what was quite possibly THE worst V impression. “Oooh, look, I’m V, I have a weird robo-dinosaur pet thing, and haven't won a fight by myself ever, and think that not wearing pants is an interesting personality trait, oooh…”

N started snickering despite himself. Normally he wouldn’t join in someone making fun of someone else, that just wasn’t in his nature. But V probably wouldn’t mind too much, they were still all friends, even if Uzi and V were horrible to each other every other day. And Uzi was his girlfriend, so he wanted to support her!

“Hey, N, I just had a great idea! What if you take a video of me doing that, and we show it to V when we get back to the bunker? That way, it’ll be really funny!”

N was floored. “Uzi, you’re a genius!”

“I am well aware.”

“No, I mean you are, but we could also show Lizzy!”

Uzi gasped. “And if we show V’s girlfriend a video of us making fun of her… and especially with how much Lizzy loves gossip… Then everyone’s gonna see it! No matter where V goes in the bunker, she’s gonna be reminded that we made fun of her… That is the best idea you’ve ever had.”

N’s tail started wagging. “Really?”

“Yeah, dude. There’s no way this can possibly go wrong.”

“I know, right?” N giggled. “V totally won’t try to rip us apart again.”

Uzi laughed. “Yeah, totally not.”

Uzi and N looked at each other, smiling, knowing full well that what they were about to do was probably going to result in their deaths.

And then they did it anyway.

“Oooh, look, I’m V, I couldn’t shoot the broad side of a blast door, and think anime is cringe because I’m stupid, and think that not wearing pants makes me a remotely interesting person, ooooh, look at me…”

N tried to keep himself from laughing as he recorded Uzi with the cameras in his photoreceptors. Uzi, on the other hand, couldn’t keep herself from laughing, which N found cute but in a super cool and awesome way. He also realized that he sorta thought Uzi looked kinda cute in glasses. Well, more cute than he already thought she was, which was genuinely surprising. N was well aware that he thought that Uzi was the cutest drone in existence, so the idea that she could get even cuter was world-changing.

“Uzi…” N stopped recording. “Why do you keep going back to the pants thing?”

“I dunno, it’s just something that bothers me.”

“…Why? You aren’t wearing pants either.”

“Well… Yeah, but at least I’m wearing a skirt, she’s just got nothing.” Uzi made a cutting motion with her hand. “For the love of robo-god, the only thing she’s wearing is a crop jacket! And glasses. And that scarf that… kinda just spawned in? Like seriously, where did that come from?”

“…I guess you have a point.”

“Yeah, I mean, if we were in an anime, she’d be the shameless fanservice character.”

“Or if we were in a webseries inspired by anime conventions!”

Uzi snickered. “Nah, we’d totally be in an anime. I mean, us being an indie webseries? What are the chances?”

“I mean, we aren’t two-dimensional, so maybe..?”

“Nah, anime uses 3D all the time. Also, RWBY exists.”

N nodded. “Oh yeah, you’re right…”

“As I was saying, V is literally Rouge the Bat. But a robot. And a lesbian. And with glasses.”

“Is…” N didn’t remember who Rouge the Bat was. “Is she from Dragon Ball?”

“…N! That’s Sonic! Y’now, Sonic Adventure 2?”

“Oh! Wait… that’s not an anime.”

“Yes it is and BITE ME!” Uzi pulled him closer. “Okay, once we get back to the bunker, you are getting an education on Sonic the Hedgehog.”

N was just happy to spend time with Uzi. “Sounds exciting!”

Uzi let N go and rubbed her hands together evilly. “I can’t wait to pirate the Dreamcast.”

N gasped excitedly. “Woah! Copyright violation!”

“Yeah, I can’t wait… once we… figure out how to get home that is.” Uzi laughed kinda nervously.

The pair of drones kept looking around. It still just looked like a regular library. Which made it harder for them to tell where they were. Pretty much everything on Copper-9 was ruined, so it couldn’t possibly be there, right? But there weren’t any other planets left, at least not that Uzi or N knew of.

Uzi was mostly searching through the books, which didn’t surprise N. She was so smart, it just made sense she’d look there. N, on the other hand, was looking at the building itself. Its walls were wood, sure, but also plaster. Again, it looked less expensive, but it still looked old. The floor was also covered in green carpet, which was a weird color for carpet. Then again, the manor had only red carpeting, so maybe N just didn’t know enough about carpets.

“Heeeey, N?” Uzi asked, looking… almost uncertain about asking him. Weird.

“Yeah?”

“When you were… around humans, before, back at the Manor…” N quickly understood why she seemed so hesitant. He didn’t like to think about that time too much. Too many bad memories. “Did they have a thing for the 1990s?"

N blinked. “Huh?”

“Yeah, I know it’s a weird question but… none of these books are dated any later than 1991.”

“…Books have dates on them?”

“Uh, yeah, in the forward, see?” Uzi showed him the book she was holding.

“Oh, I always skipped that bit.” N said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. “But… I think they had stuff from after then. The early 2000s was pretty big for some reason.”

“Yeah, I figured. Only time humans had taste I guess…” Uzi grumbled. N knew she wasn’t exactly happy whenever humans did something cool. “Just… thought you’d know more about that than me…” Uzi tossed the book behind her and grabbed another one. “Thanks.” She quickly added.

N just smiled. He was happy to help his girlfriend out, even if he wasn’t smart enough to give her a good answer sometimes.

While N kept looking, he was starting to feel a bit creeped out. Sure, libraries were naturally pretty creepy, and the fact that it was reminding him of the Manor sure wasn’t helping, but… every now and again, his targeting system would flare to life, just for a second. By the time he turned to look at it, whatever he had picked up just… wasn’t there. At first, N had thought that his system was auto-targeting Uzi. He was programmed to hunt worker drones, and he’d have to be stupid to think that just turning it off would fix that. But that couldn’t be it. Because every single time, his system would detect something behind him while he was facing Uzi.

Actually, come to think of it, that was really creepy.

N switched his targeting system from auto-targeting to target-locking. The only way anyone could see that he did that was if they saw his visor, which displayed a wall of code for a split few seconds before going back to normal. Then, he just kept looking around. Specifically at the bookshelves. They were really tall, how did humans reach all the way to the top shelves? Oh, wait, that must be what the ladders are fo-

“--// TargetLock_trn [object detected]”

N whipped around, replacing his hand with an energy cannon and bracing his arm with his other hand. He fired a beam of superheated yellow plasma at the blip on his visor, slicing through bookshelves and impacting with… something?

“N! What the..?” Uzi stopped as all the lights began flickering. Whatever N had hit had burst apart in a flash of blue sparks. But the sparks didn’t fade away, if anything it was like they were getting brighter. 

And moving on their own.

The sparks, motes of blue light now, flowed around each other in a small cyclone. As they spun around, a multitude of whispering and giggling emanated from the walls of this place as books began floating, broken covers and pages melding together as the books settled into a rough, hulking humanoid shape. The sparks flowed into the books, wreathing into the figure like false nerves that were still visible through the thing’s paper skin. A single desk lamp ripped itself off of its cord, floating to the top of this book creature like a cyclopean head, before the lamp flared to light, blowing itself out but still glowing with an eerie blue light.

“Uzi…” N kept his aim locked on this thing. He wanted to keep shooting, but if it had come back from a direct energy blast, N wasn’t sure if he could kill it.

“What the shit.” Uzi said, looking between N and the thing.

“Railgun…”

Uzi grabbed Cyn and started shaking her. “Hey, robo-Satan, did you do this!?”

“[Wh-]” Cyn asked as she started waking up, before her head snapped to the thing. “[W-wha4t 7he fuuuuu- 1s THAT?]”

“Uzi, your railgun!” N yelled as the thing took a step forward, shaking the room.

“Wh- right, yeah…” Uzi said, tossing Cyn out of her hands and taking her railgun off her back. The weapon whirred to life, green energy arcing between the guns prongs as the holo-scope manifested into reality. The thing took another step forward, tilting its head-lamp in confusion. “Alright, you weird demon-ghost-book thing,” Uzi said, pointing the railgun at the thing, “you messed with the wrong drones! Get ready to fricking explode!” She pressed the trigger, shooting a concentrated beam of green energy at the thing, the shockwave produced by the air boiling from the sheer heat sending books and pages flying, bursting into flame as they flapped away. The path of the blast tore through the center of the thing’s chest, burning the books that made it up and sending it staggering back. The beam ripped through the thing, impacting on the wall behind it and bursting it apart, burning wood and melting fiberglass.

“Heck yeah!” Uzi laughed. “Bite me, library!” Her smile faded slightly as the thing got back up. “Ugh, come on…” Uzi muttered as she replaced one of her eyes with the symbol of the Solver. The Solver replicated itself on one of the books. “No, that’s not what I…” The Solver faded away and reappeared on another book. “…Oh, of course it targets each book individually. Thanks robo-Satan…” Uzi growled, as she pointed her hand away from the thing, the Solver spinning in her hand. Then she swung her hand towards the thing, and a bookshelf went flying at the speed of fast towards the thing, propelled by the Absolute Solver. It crashed into the thing, scattering the books and causing its lamp-head to completely shatter as it slammed into the opposite wall.

N and Uzi (and also Cyn, but who cares about her) stared at the crumpled remains of the thing. It didn’t get up.

N turned to Uzi. “Should we go back to the stairs?”

Uzi laughed. “We just killed a bookcase, why would we-”

As if on cue, two more eerie blue lights began glowing, as books and debris hovered in the air.

“Yup, stairs sound good.”

End scene.