Chapter Text
In reality, a lifetime is just a blip in time, useless to the overall order of the world. Be it 20 years, 50 years, or 80 years—it ultimately means nothing. And death, while sad, isn’t the end of the world. The Earth will keep turning, and flowers will bloom where your body has been buried. In three generations or so, your name will no longer be spoken, your memory forgotten.
Looking out at the cityscape, Juniper realized this life was never really hers. It felt borrowed. Alien. Maybe it always has been. The bustling streets of New York bored her; the constant stream of excitement did nothing but depress her. Up high on the roof of her apartment building made her feel something, at least—free of expectations, free to breathe. This life was never hers.
She swung her Converse-clad foot off the edge of the building, keeping the other planted on the ledge next to where she sat. The world beneath her spun as she looked at the street below. An endless mob of strangers carried on with their lives, unaware that all she wanted was to die in front of their very eyes. Maybe she’d get a blurb in some newspaper or online article— ‘Local Grad Student Jumps To Her Death’ or something generic like that. Then would come the obituary claiming Juniper to be a ‘kind soul’ who ‘loved with her whole heart.’ What remained of her family would throw her in some hole somewhere in Latvia, and she would ultimately be forgotten in a decade or two.
Juniper closely watched her shoelace as it swung in time with the wind, dangling limp a hundred feet above ground. A whistle of wind rang through her ears. Serene, she closed her eyes, leaning closer to the edge—
“This really what you want?“
A woman’s voice spoke up behind her, cool and calm despite potentially witnessing Juni end her own life. The older brunette took a step closer as Juni’s head whipped around at the sudden intrusion.
She had a kind smile, Juni thought, very nurturing and steady. It reminded her of her late mother, only the kindness felt less forced. Why would this stranger look at her like she was worth something when Juniper’s own family didn’t even think so?
“I know you’re scared. This life isn’t what you want. You feel stuck. Like it’s all too much, and somehow still not enough. I get that.” The woman somehow managed to read Juniper’s mind. Was she some sort of omnipresent being that knew her life was going nowhere? That her grad school funding got depleted?
That she just always wanted to fucking die, ever since she was a single-digit child?
Juniper turned to look down at the street again, biting her lip as she contemplated what to do. Another set of footsteps echoed behind her. A gentle yet firm hand settled on her shoulder, silently telling her, ‘You won’t be jumping today . ’
“You’re not broken, Juniper. You just need someone to hold you until the storm passes. I can help with that.”
She paused and furrowed her eyebrows.
Juniper .
She didn’t remember telling the woman her name, and she definitely didn’t recognize her. Slowly, she turned her head back to face the mystery figure. “How do you know my—“
A small needle hidden in the woman’s sleeve quickly lodged into the side of Juniper’s neck. Juniper could only feel a sharp sting as her eyes widened in shock. After the drug was injected, the younger woman immediately collapsed into the stranger’s arms, the world going silent and black.
———
Bucky knew he’d never get another Little after Steve. They had been together for so many years, before and after his stint as the Winter Soldier. It had been such a calm, steady arrangement that being without it for so long left a part of him feeling empty.
But Steve wasn’t coming back. And Bucky knew he had to move forward.
Getting with Sam somewhat filled that hole. He hated the bastard at first, but hatefucks eventually led to a real relationship. Bucky began to look forward to the end of the day when they’d both be together in their private space in the tower, finally alone and free to just exist together in silence.
Sam did a good job filling the romantic and sexual aspects of Bucky’s life, but that hole where Steve resided still gnawed at him. He needed a Little again.
They applied through every channel they could—federal, state, and private. Waitlisted. Rejected. “High-risk lifestyle.” “Irregular schedule.” “Nontraditional housing.” All bullshit. Except maybe the murder part, but he had been pardoned, goddamn it. Plus, the tower had tighter security and more structure than half the registered foster centers in Manhattan.
But the rules were the rules. And behind the rules, prejudice lingered. Private agencies didn’t even try to hide it: No Littles for queers .
All in all, gay superheroes didn’t make for good Caregivers, according to the law.
Nevertheless, Bucky went through every mandatory training, knowing he would just be denied in the end, in hopes that it would pay off one day. He sat through the trauma-informed care training, got licensed for permanent guardianship eligibility, and did countless home studies. Did it all knowing he would be denied but still hoping. Always hoping.
So when he got that phone call right after Sam left for DC again? The one where they finally had a match for him ? Bucky immediately pulled his little bird from his business trip because they needed to get a nursery ready ASAP .
Bucky had already cleared out the spare room, just in case someday the universe let something good fall into his hands. The walls were still blank, but sunlight filled the room just right in the mornings. It was a clean and fresh starting point.
They hit the store just before closing. It was a softly lit boutique two blocks from the tower that catered to upscale nurseries and fussy Manhattan Caregivers. Bucky didn’t understand the new jargon the salespeople used—they didn’t have that Montessori shit back in his day. But it didn’t matter; they had less than twelve hours before Juniper would be there.
“Juniper’s cute. Like a forest sprite or something.” Sam offhandedly said as they looked at various colored sheets. “Juni. Junebug. Pip. Nipsy.”
“Samuel, I swear to God, if you call her Nipsy, I’m divorcing you.”
The man shook his head with a fond smile. Bucky was a man on a mission—right now was not the time for jokes. They went down each aisle, meticulously testing the softness of each onesie and blanket to make sure it was perfect for their girl. Items were thrown into the cart with military precision.
Sam wandered off to find the logical items—blackout curtains, a white noise machine, and a changing table—while Bucky dealt with the fun part. With how long the man had waited for this, Sam figured it best to let him have his moment, even if that did mean taking five minutes to debate on the stuffed bunny or stuffed bear.
He had settled on both, because why not?
The cart was ridiculous when they got to the checkout. Two carts, actually, both overflowing with clothes in sizes they weren’t sure about, pastel hairbrushes, pacifiers (just in case), sippy cups (messes weren’t Sam’s forte), diapers (definitely overkill), soft blankets, and board books about animals and feelings. Bucky made sure to include a soft baby blue blanket with clouds and ducks. He wasn’t sure why; it just looked like something a scared girl would want to hide under.
Sam threw in a bubble machine. “For the bathtub,” he said, not even trying to justify it.
They moved on instinct, half-planning and half-praying. Every item was a guess. But every guess was made with care.
Bucky’s hands shook as they exited the boutique, loading the big boxes into Sam’s truck.
“Hey.” Sam bumped his shoulder. “She’s gonna hate this place. And us. But maybe in a couple of weeks… she’ll like the bunny. Or the blanket. That’s where we start.”
All Bucky could do was nod, too lost in thought to fully comprehend what Sam had said. He thought about Steve. How he’d brush the hair out of his eyes after a nightmare, listening to whispered apologies that Bucky would softly shush away. The way Steve’s eyes would get wider and brighter whenever they got home from a particularly rough mission, fully relaxing into him with his thumb in his mouth.
But this wasn’t Steve. This was Juniper.
And she wasn’t going to be calm or grateful. She wasn’t going to smile and say thank you, Daddy. She was coming, drugged and screaming for autonomy. There probably was a 30% chance she’d try to run the second the doors opened. She was a risk; that’s what the social worker said.
“High emotional volatility”
“Disruptive behavior”
“Persistent suicidal ideation”
“Unresponsive to traditional psychiatric care”
The words burned into Bucky’s head. He could still hear the clipped tone of the case manager as she rattled off the facts as if Juniper were just another problem to solve or another file to close.
But she wasn’t just a file—she was a girl. A hurting, feral, beautiful little mess of a girl.
Nevertheless, Bucky continued solely on the dream of a potential future; he dreamed about the first time she’d toddle into the kitchen and ask for juice, dreamed about her curled up on his lap with her thumb in her mouth, dreamed about braiding her hair and laying her down for a nap and watching her finally feel safe.
Even if none of it happened and the only thing she did was scream and cry and call him names, Bucky would still try. He’d still show up and keep her safe.
Maybe one day she wouldn’t hate him.
———
The intake room was a muted pastel purple with soft toys and a beanbag chair. A girl sat in the far corner, away from it all, her head resting on her knees to try and hide herself from this new world.
She was an astrophysicist, for God’s sake. She should be working on her grad school thesis about finding dark matter utilizing gamma rays. Instead, she sat in a corner wearing a onesie and a diaper.
They didn’t know that, though—the people who turned her into this. They just knew she was some depressed, suicidal woman who couldn’t “take care of herself anymore.” Whenever Juni asked a question—“Why are you doing this?”—they would just respond with the generic, “Because you deserve to feel safe.”
Whatever that meant.
Outside of the room, Sam and Bucky watched Juniper fidget with the mittens on her hands as she hugged her legs tightly to her chest. The window acted as a two-way mirror, allowing them to watch Juniper just naturally exist.
“Whenever you two are ready, we can go in.” The social worker stood off to the side near the door, silently telling them to get moving, while Juni was quiet and docile. She had told them stories of how Juniper, after coming out of the drug-induced haze, went from fighting the nurses to biting her case manager. Juniper kept pulling her diaper off, resulting in her onesie being clasped on the outside of her leggings, preventing her from digging in and ripping it off.
“She’s feisty,” they had said with a smile, though Bucky could tell they obviously wanted her off their hands as soon as possible.
Bucky looked at Sam for some sort of reassurance that this was the right time and that they weren’t going to royally fuck this up. The other man solemnly nodded, grabbing Bucky’s hand to hold with a tight squeeze. Once he made eye contact with the social worker, he gave a quiet ‘okay’ to let them finally meet their new baby.
The door opened quietly, but Juniper’s head still shot up at the sudden movement in the room. Her eyes widened as the two men took a slow, calculated step into the room. Their smiles faltered ever so slightly, obviously fake and forced. Juniper’s fearful stare turned into a warning glare as the one with long hair took an extra two steps closer to her, kneeling on the floor in front of her.
“Hey, Junebug,” he spoke softly, his voice a low rumble. Juniper flinched at the nickname. She didn’t like how it left his lips like a hopeful prayer. “My name is Bucky.”
When Juni didn’t take the initiative to talk and settled on just glaring at the floor between them, Bucky reached into his jacket pocket for a reinforcement. The little stuffed bunny rested heavily in his hand, its bottom weighted down with beads for comfort.
Juniper flicked her eyes up at the sudden offering. She glared at the toy as she folded in on herself more. “‘M not a kid.”
“I know,” Bucky said, his voice low but kind, only meant for the two of them. “I just thought you might like a friend.”
He set the rabbit down in front of her, its head tilting from its new center of gravity. The girl looked at it for a moment before reaching a sock-clad foot out to tap it with her toe.
Bucky smiled at the sight of Juniper not entirely shutting down his idea. He leaned back on his heels, giving her space to decide what she wanted to do.
A murmur behind him caught his attention—the social worker spoke softly to Sam. “We had to sedate her with Haldol and Ativan. That’s why your boyfriend doesn’t have a black eye already.”
The girl overheard the negative commentary, shrinking back in on herself in shame. She didn’t mean to hurt people—she was just scared and not wanting to be seen like this. Gloved hands wrapped tighter around her knees like a safety blanket.
“Would you like to get out of here? Or wait a little while?” Bucky offered, not wanting Juniper to be around such a shitty social worker any longer.
Juniper’s head shot up at his words, eyes lighting up with the slightest bit of hope. “You’re taking me home?” She asked. “I can go home now?”
Immediately, Bucky realized his mistake. He backtracked. “No, not your old home, sweetheart. Your new one. With me and Sam.”
Her mouth fell ajar as the hopeful color faded from her face. She was quiet and avoidant again, and any progress they may have made was long gone now. Bucky turned to his partner in hopes that he would know exactly what to do next.
“We have snacks for you in the car,” Sam said, uncrossing his arms and bending down to be eye-level with Juni. “Crackers and apple juice. Not much, but the cheese crackers are pretty yummy.”
She did not attempt to move on her own, only staring at Sam like he had offended her very existence. Her nose crinkled in disgust as she eyed him up and down.
“I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“Nope,” Sam said with a smile. “But you can choose the music in the car. Hope you have good taste.”
Bucky stood up, grabbing the bunny to put back in his jacket pocket. He reached a hand out to help Juniper up. She stared at it for a minute, eyes narrowing with distrust.
She didn’t move.
“Come on,” he said, keeping his voice quiet and careful. “Let’s get you off the floor.”
Juniper shook her head sharply and fast, almost hard enough to give herself whiplash. “No. No, I—I’m not leaving.”
The social worker rolled her eyes in annoyance, shifting her weight to the other foot. “You don’t have a choice, sweetheart.”
Her eyes snapped to the social worker with a glare. “Do not call me that.” Her voice came out low, something feral curling under it. It was sharp enough that it made Bucky straighten up more.
“Sweetheart,” the woman repeated sarcastically, using the word again just to assert dominance against the girl. “You’re making this a lot harder than it needs to be.”
Juniper lunged with a snarl. Not too swift, since her limbs still felt half-dead from the sedative, but enough to make the woman recoil. Her hand flew to her chest in mocking disbelief, as if she didn’t expect Juni to fight back.
She spent the past weekend fighting everyone in her sight, hence the use of drugs.
Sam moved first, quickly grabbing Juni’s arm as he stepped between the two women—a clear, silent boundary between their rift. “Okay,” he said to no one in particular. “We’re done with the peanut gallery.”
The woman scoffed and muttered under her breath, stepping out of the room.
Sam felt Juniper roughly tear her arm away from his touch, backing herself into a corner like a scared wild animal.
“Don’t touch me!” Juniper spat, voice cracking at the edges. Bracing herself against the wall with shaking arms, she looked as if she’d claw straight through the drywall just to get away from them.
Bucky remained still, not wanting to alarm the girl any further. “Okay,” he said gently, raising both hands like she was an unpinned bomb. “No one’s going to touch you unless they have to.”
Sam shot him a brief look, silently asking if his partner was doing okay. Bucky nodded once.
Juniper’s breathing was fast and uneven as her knees buckled. The sedatives were wearing off too quickly for her mind to adjust.
“This isn’t legal,” she whispered to herself to try and make sense of the situation. “You can’t just take people like this. I have rights.”
“You’re not being arrested,” Bucky said.
“Then why the fuck are you here?”
The room grew silent as Bucky looked for an answer Juni would accept. There really wasn’t one.
“Because you’re a danger to yourself and others,” Sam spoke up bluntly after mulling over his thoughts. “You’re too volatile to properly care for yourself.”
Juniper glared at the man, raising her head to try and regain power. “I’m not one of those freak adult babies. You can’t do this.”
She was partially right, Bucky thought. She wasn’t an actual Little, just one de jure . The law put her under the same protections as one due to her poor mental health, essentially classifying her as a Little under the law. But Bucky wasn’t going to be the one that told her that.
Juniper kept her jaw locked tight as she sharply breathed through her nose. Her frustration and anger were palpable in the room. Bucky didn’t move forward, crouch, or lecture. He just let her have the silence.
“You think I’m broken?” Juniper finally spoke, her voice brittle and raw with emotion. “So broken I can’t even be allowed to be an adult?”
“No,” Bucky quickly shut her negative self-talk down. “I think you’re in pain. And you need help.”
Her laugh was cold, not quite believing the man. “You think pain makes you a Little now?”
“No,” he repeated. “But hurting bad enough that you want out of this world—that’s something else.”
“I never said that.” Juniper’s facade began to crack, growing less cocky and more panicked. “Who told you that?”
No one responded to her question. They didn’t want to admit they already read her file twice over and knew about the multiple suicide attempts and hospital stays. Not while she looked ready to scream, cry, or bolt—or possibly all three at the same time.
“I’m not some toddler who needs a bottle and a playpen,” she spat.
“Okay,” Bucky said softly. He wanted to appease her to calm her down. The last thing he needed was to carry her screaming and crying out of the clinic.
Juniper blinked, unsure of how to proceed. Despite his words, he didn’t look as dismissive as his tone sounded. Bucky looked at her as if he were trying to tame a bear, calming an impossible storm.
“No onesies. No diapers.” Juniper looked between Sam and Bucky, searching for where the boundary was with her demands. “I want my clothes back.”
“We can do that,” Sam said, taking a step closer until Bucky held a hand out to stop him. “We can do that as long as you come with us. Preferably on your own accord.”
Still as skittish as a feral cat, Juniper looked at Bucky with wide eyes. The man just nodded along, reaching out a hand for her to take. “We can get you redressed at home. For now, just come with us. You’re safe, I promise.”
It was like speaking to a small child already, Bucky thought. The scared, wide-eyed look on her face as she tried so hard to maintain her autonomy made her look even younger, already ready for her new role. Her gaze fell to her feet, a little blush rising to her face.
“… and I want the bunny.”
Bucky smiled softly at her demand. He reached back into his coat pocket, retrieving the small brown bunny for his scared little girl. Before he could fully extend his hand out for her to take it, Juniper swiped the plushie from his grasp, holding it securely to her chest.
She studied it for a second, the thick gloves preventing her from properly touching and cuddling it. One hand reached back out toward Bucky, silently asking him to undo the tie on the glove. He did as asked, even untying her other hand without having to ask. Once free, Juniper properly felt the fluff on the rabbit’s ears as her fingers fidgeted with the fabric.
As she made her way toward the door, Bucky couldn’t help but shake his head at how perfectly Juni played her role already. While she’d never admit it aloud, Bucky knew that this was what was best for her—what she needed.
Juniper remained quiet while Bucky signed her out. She stood away from him and Sam, giving them untrusting looks as she tried to analyze their intentions. The men kept sweet against her sourness. They smiled softly at her furrowed brows, not punishing or correcting her when she glared.
The outside air was a cold and bright slap to the face compared to the stuffy, dark intake center. Everything around her felt too loud and fast. Juniper huddled deeper into herself, tucking the bunny between her chest and arms to stabilize herself.
Sam opened the back door of the truck for her. Her eyes flickered up into the vehicle only to be met with absolute horror.
It was a fucking car seat.
Not just a booster or some discreet harness setup, but a full-sized, five-point harness car seat in a pale mint green with little lambs printed on the cushions.
Juniper froze. Her throat closed up as her face turned red. “You’re kidding me.” Her voice was flat and dangerous.
Sam’s expression didn’t change, but he stepped back slightly from the open door to give the girl some space. “It’s for safety.”
“No,” she snapped. “ Fuck no. It’s for control and humiliation. You think I don’t see what this is?”
Bucky walked up from the other side of the truck after throwing her backpack next to the car seat. He kept his voice gentle and even. “We didn’t pick it to punish you, Juni. It’s a legal requirement. Your classification requires—”
“I’m not a fucking toddler!” She screamed, startling a nearby pedestrian. She stomped her foot petulantly, making Sam and Bucky doubt the validity of her previous statement. “I’m a human being! I went to Columbia! I’m in grad school! ”
“You were,” Sam murmured under his breath before he could stop himself.
Juniper whipped her head toward him. “The fuck did you just say to me?”
Sam, however, didn’t take it back; he just looked tired. “I said you were in grad school. That was before you tried to walk off a building, before your file said you needed protective guardianship.”
“Shut up!” She shrieked as she stumbled backwards.
Bucky, having grown tired of the screaming, grabbed Juniper by her underarms and lifted her up into the backseat. Her limbs flailed as she tried to hit and kick her way out, but Bucky easily overpowered her. Frustrated tears pooled in her eyes as she dug her nails into Bucky’s jacket to prevent him from buckling her into the harness.
“Let me go!” Juniper shrieked again, her voice sharp with fury. “You can’t do this!”
Bucky grunted as her knee caught the edge of his ribs. “I have to do this, Juni,” he said through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to, but you’re not listening.”
“I said let me go! ” Her fists thudded against his chest with weak yet frantic energy. She fought like she was drowning—clumsy yet desperate. Her nails scraped against his left arm with a shrill screech of nails-on-metal that made her flinch.
“You’re safe,” Bucky muttered, trying to keep his grip firm but not punishing. He pinned her flailing limbs long enough to slide the harness over her shoulders. “You’re safe. I’ve got you, babygirl.”
“You’re lying— stop it— stop it! ” Juniper sobbed, unable to calm down and breathe. Her body kept twisting in the seat, bucking and straining as he clicked the final strap into place.
“Breathe, Juni,” Sam said quietly from the driver’s seat, watching from the rearview window. “Just breathe. You’re okay.”
“I hate you— I hate you! ” She hissed out pure venom as her voice cracked. Finally folding in on herself, she broke into choked sobs mid-scream. “I don’t—I don’t want this!”
Bucky carefully closed the door, making sure her hands or feet wouldn’t be crushed in its closure. He stood outside for a moment to catch his breath. Not once did he feel triumphant, only tired and hollow.
“Sam,” he said under his breath as he climbed into the passenger seat. “I think we need to call her doctor again. She’s not stabilizing.”
“Let’s get her home first,” Sam compromised with his boyfriend, not entirely believing her stress to be a medical issue. “Then we can figure out if she needs more medical support.”
Juniper didn’t hear them over her sharp and erratic breathing. Tear tracks ran down her face as she desperately tried to unclasp the harness with trembling hands.
Then, after one last ear-piercing scream, her body sagged against the minty cushions of the car seat. She still cried silently, feeling lost and exhausted. Her forehead rested against the bunny plush in her lap, letting it absorb every awful thing she felt in her body.
Bucky turned around and gently pulled the hood of her onesie over her head to shield her eyes from the sunlight. Juniper didn’t bother to fight against it anymore.