Work Text:
*Ganymede and Titan sitting in jail together*
Titan: So who should we call?
Ganymede: I’d call Europa, but I feel safer in jail.
---
Earth: Avenge my death.
Luna: You’re not dying, Earth.
Earth: AVENGE ME!
---
Sun: What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Venus: Burn the house down.
Sun: And what did you do?
Venus: I made dinner.
Sun: ...
Venus: ...
Sun: ...
Venus: And burnt the house down.
---
Mercury: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?
Luna: *turning to the Earth* Hey, how tall are you?
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Neptune: I know where you live.
Jupiter: Where?
Neptune: In a house.
---
Mercury: You’re insane!
Sun: Sure I am, what’s your point?
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Ganymede: I lost Elara and other small moons.
Europa: How did you LOSE them?!
Ganymede: To be fair, they are very small.
---
Venus: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.
Earth: But ya' didn't!
---
Neptune: I drink to forget but I always remember.
Uranus: You're drinking orange juice.
---
Neptune: Hold on, I can explain!
Sun: Really? Can you now?
Neptune: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie.
---
Venus, at Earth’s funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves*
Venus, leaning over Earth’s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.
Earth, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no shit.
---
Titan: What are you doing you oaf?
Ganymede: *looks at Europa with love* She's pretty...
Titan: And you're ugly, now let's get to work.
---
Pluto: So, basically, um what I was thinking of was-
Scientists recognize Pluto as a dwarf planet in 2006.
Pluto: Oh fuck, I can't believe you've done this.
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Mars: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to T-T-T-T-T-T-TARGET!
---
Ganymede: Hey Jupiter?
Jupiter: Yes?
Ganymede: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine when it’s on?
Jupiter: …
Jupiter: Where’s Io?
---
Mars: Earth and I are no longer friends.
Earth: Mars, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re dating.
---
Makemake: Hey Eris.
Eris: Yes Makemake?
Makemake: I can't sleep...
Eris: Well I can. Goodnight.
---
Ganymede: You lovebirds run along and have a good time. You're only young once, remember that.
Callisto: ...
Triton: ...
---
DSOTM: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-
Earth: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~
DSOTM: Wh- What? NO, YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-
Mars, recording: This is so cute.
---
Oberon: I'm in love with Tethys.
Titania: *Gasps*
Titania: Wait, why am I gasping? I already knew that.
---
Dione: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.
Luna: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to his knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Dione: That one. I want that one.
---
Earth: What do you rather kill Mercury-
Venus: Yes, kill him.
Earth: I didn't say other.
Venus: I don't need to hear it.
Mercury: ... I'm feeling a little unsafe.
---
Sun: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.
---
Ganymede: Time for plan G.
Triton: Don’t you mean plan B?
Ganymede: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Callisto: What about plan D?
Ganymede: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Europa: What about plan E?
Ganymede: I’m hoping not to use it. Io dies in plan E.
Io: I don’t think I like your plans.
---
Mercury: Why is Venus so sad?
Mars: He took one of those "Which planet are you" quizzes.
Mercury: And?
Mars: He got Earth.
---
Mars: Saturn has 274 moons and he gets-
Venus: Wait, why does Saturn have so many moons?
Saturn: Mind your business, Venus!
---
*The Earth is experiencing another psychological trauma*
Earth: Well, the life gives you lemons!
---
Europa: Your turn, Titan, tell us a secret!
Titan: I'm in love with Titania...
Ganymede: She said a secret, Titan.
---
Planet X: Someone will die.
Uranus: Of fun!
---
Triton, talking to himself: And they were roommates.
Neptune's moons that listening to: Omg, they were roommates.
---
Ganymede: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Europa: Alright, what's 30x17?
Ganymede: 47
Callisto: That's not even close.
Ganymede: But it was fast.
---
Phobos and Deimos: Don't fuck with us! We have the power of stars and anime on our side! AGHH-!
---
Earth: I want to see my little boy!
Mars, holding Luna: Here we comes!
Earth: I want to see my little boy!
---
Ganymede: Hey Babe, happy one year.
Europa: ...
Europa: I'm 4,5 billion years old.
---
*After Venus threw the asteroid at Mercury in the episode "Venus wants a Makeover"*
Venus: Mercury! Mercury! Mercury! Oh my fucking star, he is fucking dead...
---
Charon: Bye Pluto! Bye Ceres! Bye Haumea! Bye Makemake! Bye Pluto!
Eris: You said "Bye Pluto" twice.
Charon: I like Pluto.
---
Luna: So are you two dating now?
Earth & Venus: Yes.
Luna: Why?
Earth: I happen to find Venus very appealing.
Luna: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Venus.
---
*After Uranus collided with a protoplanet, causing him to tilt*
Saturn: Uranus wake up!
Uranus: Five more minutes!
Jupiter: You're been in coma for two years...
Uranus: ...Okay, two more minutes.
---
Earth: Dammit, Venus!
Venus: What?! It wasn’t me!
Earth: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Mars!
Mars: Not me either.
Earth: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?
Luna and DSOTM: *whistles*
---
Mercury: Venus, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?
Venus: I don't know, love you, talk to you later.
Mercury: Ok, I love you too, I'll just ask Earth.
---
Earth: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Venus: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Mercury: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Mars: I joined in on the dumb stuff.
Sun: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
---
Titania, talking to Titan: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Ariel and Miranda: Would you like to stay forever?
---
Earth: I’m an idiot.
Venus: ...
Mars: ...
Mercury: ...
Luna: ...
Earth: ...
Venus: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.
---
Jupiter: I love you.
Saturn: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.
*Jupiter and Saturn kiss passionately*
Titan to Ganymede: You owe me 20 dollars.
---
Eris: Is something burning?
Makemake: Just my love for you.
Eris: Makemake, the toaster is on fire.
---
Earth: What does 'take out' mean?
Mercury: Food.
Mars: Dating.
Venus: Murder.
Sun: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.
---
Ganymede: There is no future, there is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that moons insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Callisto: ...
Io: ...
Europa: ...
Everyone else At Ganymede’s Surprise Birthday Party:
Callisto: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your asteroid birthday cake first.
---
Theia: Proto, are you drinking… drinking hydrogen peroxide?!
Proto: It says H2O2! That means it’s the sequel to water!
---
Planet X: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Jupiter, are a fucking cactus.
---
Earth: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Mercury: Have everyone stand.
Mars: Bring three more chairs!
Luna: The most important ones can sit down.
Venus: Kill three.
---
Saturn: Oh, my Stars. Do you know what this is?
Jupiter: It’s a book. There’s a lot of those in here, this is a library.
---
Saturn: Where are you going?
Titan: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there.
---
Theia: Proto, why are you crying?
Proto: This book is so sad!!
Theia, picking it up: But this is my diary-
---
Earth: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!
Mars: Apparently, we're not.
---
Planet X: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Uranus: Three words.
Planet X: ...
---
Earth: Story time!
*Playfully stalks Mars*
Earth: No matter how fast he ran, he couldn't escape the demon but he would not let his soul be taken today!
Mars, also playful, runs faster: AAAHHH-
---
Saturn: Okay, truth or dare?
Jupiter: Truth.
Saturn: How many hours have you slept this week?
Jupiter: ...
Jupiter: ...Dare.
Saturn: Go to bed.
Jupiter: I don’t like this game.
---
*Happy AU where Theia and Proto are alive and raising their sons*
Earth and Luna: Mom, how did you and dad met?
Theia: Well, when we first met he interrupted my speech and we declared that we would never be friends.
Proto: It was love at first sight.