Work Text:
Earth: What makes you all smile?
Luna: Friends and Family.
Mars: Snacks.
Mercury: Victory and success.
Venus: Face muscles.
---
Planet X: I think I just accidentally joined a cult.
Neptune: Again?
Uranus: Is there free food? If so, sign me up.
---
Titan: I’m happy.
Dione: Good.
Rhea: Nice.
Enceladus: Can I borrow five bucks?
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Jupiter: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?
Uranus: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Jupiter: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.
Uranus: But I heard a siren.
Neptune: That was Saturn.
Saturn: Sorry, I got nervous!
---
Earth: Luna, we need that!
Luna, holding DSOTM over a trash can: Nope.
Earth: Gimme it—
Luna: It’s garbage.
---
Young Sun: Yo dumbass, get over here.
Young Planet X: Okay.
Young Jupiter: *gleefully runs past* I'm coming!
Young Planet X, sadly: I thought...I was dumbass...
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Mars: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication.
Venus: It’s my turn to cuddle Earth.
Mars: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT!
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Callisto: Stop doing that.
Triton: Stop doing what?
Callisto: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you.
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Pluto: What do rainbows mean to you?
Eris: Gay rights.
Charon: There's money.
Haumea: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.
Makemake: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.
---
Mars: What time is it?
Earth: I don't know; pass me that saxophone and we'll find out.
Earth: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Venus: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING?!
Earth: It's 2 am.
---
Jupiter: I’m a prince.
Saturn: Charming.
Uranus: Horse.
Neptune: Kiss.
Planet X: Frog.
---
*AU where Proto and Theia are alive*
Earth: Dad look, it's the good kush!
Proto: This is the dollar store, how good can it be?
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Europa: Ganymede, you love me, right?
Ganymede: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.
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Titania: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—
Titan: Hi.
Titania: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*
---
Dione: We’re getting married, bitches!
Luna: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.
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Ganymede: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Io: *chugs entire bottle*
Io: It’s perfume.
---
Earth: It's locked. You got a lock pick?
Luna: Yeah-
DSOTM: *kicks in the door*
---
*SIMP watches the quarrel between Planet X, PSO, and WISE from her throne*
SIMP: I am surrounded by idiots.
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Europa: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-
Europa and Ganymede, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!
Io: Our turn, Callisto! One, two, three- vanilla!
Callisto, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake?
---
Earth, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Venus, pulling out an Uno card: +4.
Mars, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you.
Mercury, trembling: What are we playing?
---
*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Ganymede: Thanks fam!
Titan: Oh no.
Io: *cries* I love you too.
Europa: Sounds fake but okay.
Luna: *A flustered mess*
Callisto: Can I get a refund?
---
Mercury: Help me hide this.
Luna: Is that... a street sign?
Mercury: I panicked!
---
Planet X: Am I in trouble?
WISE: Take a guess.
Planet X: No?
WISE: Take another guess.
---
Earth: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Venus: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
---
Makemake: My hands are cold.
Eris: Here, let me hold them.
Makemake: My lips are cold too.
Eris: *covers Makemake's mouth with her hand*
---
Ganymede, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Callisto: Hey.
Titan: Hi.
Luna: Hello.
Io: Hey!
Ganymede: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Europa: We were out of Doritos.
---
*Earth, once again experiencing depression and becoming someone’s target*
Earth: FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT!
---
Proxima: How many kids do you have?
Sun: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
---
Jupiter: I think I'm stuck.
Uranus: Physically or metaphorically?
Jupiter: Both.
---
Ganymede: I went through an entire character arc during quarantine.
Ganymede: I became more evil if you’re curious.
Io: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Ganymede: I’m going to get worse on purpose.
---
Earth: Violence isn't the answer.
Venus: You’re right.
Earth: *sighs in relief*
Venus: Violence is the question.
Earth: What?
Venus, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Earth, running after him: NO-
---
Planet X: I have a plan.
Uranus: I have a bad feeling.
Neptune: I have snacks!
---
Jupiter: Why do we have to have a family meeting about chores?
Callisto: Because if we don’t, Ganymede and Europa will start a revolution... again.
---
SIMP: Who wants to help me move a body?
WISE: I’m busy.
Planet X: Whose body?
PSO: Do you have a shovel?
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Sun: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.
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Ganymede: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Titan: Ganymede, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
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Earth: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.
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Mercury: If I die, I want you to clear my browser history.
Venus: I’ve seen your browser history. If you die, I’m burning the computer.
---
The Ejected Solar System Planets (seeing Jupiter again): Not to be inhospitable, but why the hell are you here?
---
Luna: You're smiling. What did you do?
Earth: Can't a person just be happy?
Luna: Not you. Spill it.
---
OTS: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
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OGLE: Group hug!
PSO: No touchy!
Planet X: Get in here!
WISE: *Sighs but joins*
---
Neptune: I’m a siren.
Uranus: You’re loud.
---
Mercury: Why does Venus keep throwing rocks?
Mars: It's a phase. Just... let him express themselves.
Venus: I'm an artist!
Earth: More like a geologist with anger issues.
---
Ganymede: I have a bad idea.
Europa: Is it dangerous?
Ganymede: Yes.
Europa: Is it stupid?
Ganymede: Extremely.
Europa: I'm in.
---
Luna: Why does Earth get to stay up late?
Earth: Because I’m older! I have way more tectonic plates than you!
---
Planet X: *Gently taps table*
PSO: *Taps back*
OGLE: What are they doing?
WISE: Morse code.
Planet X: *Aggressively taps table*
PSO: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-
---
Mercury about Sun: I'm just saying, considering his messed-up childhood and the way he was raised, he could've turned out a lot worse.
Venus: You're right, Mercury. Let's go find him and give him a medal. The "Not As Much Of A Jerk As You Could Have Been" award.
---
Uranus: Why are your tongues purple?
Saturn: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Jupiter: I had a red one.
Uranus: Oh...
Uranus: ...
Uranus: Oh.
Neptune: ...
Neptune: You drank each other's slushies?
---
Ganymede: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Titan: What did you do?
Ganymede: Nobody died.
Titan: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
---
Planet X: You’re cute when you’re angry.
Uranus: I will bite you.
---
Sun, driving Earth and Luna: So how was your day?
Earth: We almost got surprise adopted!
Sun: What?
Luna: We almost got kidnapped.
Sun: Oh, okay.
Sun: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!
---
Europa: I just ended a four year relationship.
Io: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Europa: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.
*Ganymede and Titan fighting from across the room*
---
WISE about OGLE: I mean it's not that he's weak. He's actually pretty freaking tough! It's just that... he's... he's too innocent and nice!
---
*AU where the Solar System somehow meet another one and Earth encounters with a rude exoplanet*
Exoplanet: You greet and thank the Dwarf planets?
Earth: It's good manners.
Exoplanet: You don't need manners when you're talking to a lower life for.
Earth: Then I guess I don't need manners when I'm talking to you.
---
Planet X: I’m a vampire.
WISE: Cool.
Neptune: Do you sparkle?
Uranus: Can you turn me?
---
Young Europa (reading from a piece of paper): "Do you like me? Yes! Definitely! Absolutely!"
Young Ganymede (watching): I rigged it!
Young Callisto: Ganymede, I know you're going through your whole girl-crazy phase at the moment, but I think you might be overdoing it on the crazy part.
---
Saturn: I have done nothing wrong ever in my life.
Jupiter: I know this, and I love you.
---
Titania: Thanks, Dad. ...Why is everyone staring at me?
Oberon: You just called Uranus "dad." You said "thanks, Dad."
Titania: What? No, I didn't. I said "thanks, man."
Uranus: Do you see me as a father figure, Titania?
Titania: No. If anything, I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me!
Ariel: Hey! You show your father some respect!
---
Io: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Callisto: How am I supposed to know?
Europa: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.
Callisto: *sighs*
Callisto: You wouldn't be trapped.
---
Enceladus: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Mimas: The car takes a screenshot.
Iapetus: For the last time, get the fuck out.
---
Planet X: I didn't do that. Your son did.
Jupiter: What?
Planet X (pointing at Ganymede): Him.
Jupiter: Ganymede isn't my son, he's my moon. Does everyone think he's my son?
Ganymede: ...
---
*In the episode "Can the Earth have rings of TRASH!?"*
Venus: Mercury and I don’t agree on much.
Mercury: But one thing we can agree on is.
Both: What the fuck, Earth?
---
Jupiter: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.
Uranus: You were flirting with Saturn.
Jupiter: So what? He's my partner.
Uranus: You asked him if he was single.
Jupiter: ...
Uranus: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.-
---
*Ganymede and Europa during the attack on Venus and Mars*
Ganymede: You call this a diplomatic solution?
Europa: No, I call it aggressive negotiations.
---
Proteus: I told Triton his ears flush when he lie.
Callisto: Why?
Proteus: Look.
Proteus: Hey Triton! Do you love Callisto?
Triton, covering his ears: No.
Callisto: ...
---
Mercury: What's it like being tall?
Mars: Is it nice?
Earth: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Sun and Gigants (except Neptune): We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.
---
*AU where Proto and Theia are alive... and Theia is pregnant*
Theia: My water just broke.
Proto: Are you sure?
Theia: No, Proto. There's water spilling out of me for some other reason!
---
Rhea: Why are Titan and Titania sitting with their backs to each other?
Luna: They had a fight.
Rhea: Then why are they holding hands?
Luna: They get sad when they fight.
---
Planet X: Some people are simply better than others.
PSO: You really think you're that much better than me?
Planet X: Oh I think we both know the answer to that.