Chapter Text
Chat: mr iron and Spiderling
Spiderling: mr stark?
hello?
im not saying this is urgent but im also not saying this is not urgent
mr iron: Hey Kid, You okay?
Spiderling: yeah peachy
mr iron: Okay what did you want?
Spiderling: nothing just a q
mr iron: Shoot
Spiderling: rembr when i got stabbed
mr iron: Which time
Spiderling: last time
mr iron: Yes.
Spiderling: so remember you got mad
like really mad
said i caused a panic attack
and then that you were gonna sedate me
for 40 years.
or reverse the bite
and then you said i was giving you grey hairs
so i said you already had them
then you had a go at me bc now wasnt the time for jokes
given that i was bleeding out in the middle of a side street
mr iron: Yes. I remember it.
Spiderling: so u said the problm was me not telling you that i got stabbed in the right way
mr iron: No Peter, the problem was you NOT telling me you got stabbed. Karen told me. Not you.
Spiderling: eh fineprint stuff.
anyway
was just wondering
next time i get stabbed how do u want me to tell u
mr iron: Can we just work on not getting stabbed?
Spiderling: well yeh but just incase
mr iron: Okay, fine. Then you call me the second it happens, I have modified your suit anyway Karen calls me whenever you're being neglectful to your health.
Spiderling: okay
so to confirm
if i happen to get stabbed then i call u
mr iron: Yes, I feel like this shouldn't need clarification. I have told you this.
Spiderling: okay.
Calling mr iron
mr iron: Oh god.
mr iron: PETER WHERE ARE YOU
Spiderling: omg capslock
mr stark are u panicking rn
mr iron: NO
SHUT UP
DONT MOVE
Chat: PetPar and NeedLe
PetPar: ned
ned
nedward
NED!
NeedLe: YES???
PetPar: i lowk got stabbed ahain
NeedLe: SHIT
r u ok????
PetPar: yeah fine
but mr stark is kinda mad
NeedLe: aw crap
does he know about...yk?
PetPar: probs but also its chill
he cant be mad if im actively bleeding out
NeedLe: true
good point
guess what?
PetPar: what
NeedLe: we can finally get a dog
PetPar: NED I HAVE BEEN STABBED
NeedLe: i know but i got excited about the dog
PetPar: ned…
aren’t you allergic to dogs??
NeedLe: …well maybe a little
but we can manage
Chat: guy in the chair and human knife tester
guy in the chair: cant believe u got stabbed again last night
human knife tester: lmao
when did u change ur name to guy in the chair
guy in the chair: yesterday
i am the guy in the chair
ur name is human knife tester in mine
bc yk
u keep getting stabbed
human knife tester: dude
change my name
please
guy in the chair: no
human knife tester: PLEASEEEE
I WILL HAVK YR PHCONE
guy in the chair: fine
wholey idiot: thanks
oh
dude
mr stark is mad at you
guy in the chair: AT ME?
WHY?
WHAT I DO
PETER WHAT DID I SAY
DID I DO SOMETHING STUPIF
wholey idiot: i tolf him you hacked into my suit
to remove the stupid teenage walking health risk protocol
guy in the chair: WHY DID U TELL HIM IT WAS ME? YOU MADE ME DO IT I SAID I DONT WANT TO DO IT YOU SAID OH DONT WORRY NED ITLL BE FINE HE WONT CARE
THANKS A LOT
wholey idiot: i mean tbf i didnt think he would care
he asked who hacked it
n i thought he was impressed
so i said you bc like yk idk acc but i thought put a good word in
turns out he wasnt impressed
well i think he was
but like not impressed at me
so maybe he is mad at me
not you
checks out
guy in the chair: PETER I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK BC I THOUGHT TONY STARK HATED ME AND TURNS OUT HE HATES YOU?
wholey idiot: LMAO
he might still mildly dislike you
idk
guy in the chair: can i please apologise
can i have his number pls
pls
wholey idiot: sure
iron helicopter
guy in the chair: thanks
omg
wholey idiot: what
guy in the chair: i forgot to ask about you getting stabbed
i got a bit caught up in tony stark hating me
wholey idiot: lmao
light stabbing
nothing fun to report on
standard knife
not like that blue one last week
guy in the chair: that knife was so cool
wholey idiot: I KNOW
im so glad you think that
bc mr stark picked me up n was all like peter i dont care about the colour of the knife
but like IT WAS BLUE
idek where you get blue knives
i shoulda stolen it
guy in the chair: you should have
why didnt you
wholey idiot: i was passing out at the time
guy in the chair: thats so fair
im gonna text tony stark now and apologise
wholey idiot: dont call him tony stark
pleade
ned
bro
dude
ned
oh god
call him mr stark dont full government name him
ned
Chat: Unknown and the actual tony stark
Unknown: Hello, Mr Tony Stark. It is me. Ned Leeds. Peter’s friend/guy in the chair
the actual tony stark: You're the one who hacked his suit?
Peter’s friend: …yes.
well.
hack? idk.
i had permission from the owner
oh god
why wont it let me delete that
im so sorry mr tony stark
i am so sorry
how can i make it up to you
the actual tony stark: How about you don't do it again?
Peter’s friend: yes sir
im sorry
the actual tony stark: Okay. I mean it was kind of impressive.
For a kid.
Peter’s friend: can i have a job?
or like
i could be ur guy in the chair
ik im peters but i can have two chairs
the actual tony stark: No
Peter’s friend: oh
okay
the actual tony stark: You can come to the tower though. Next time Peter comes for lab day, come with him.
Peter’s friend: W H A T
the actual tony stark: Can I block your number now?
Peter’s friend: NO
this is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me
the actual tony stark: What, your friend being stabbed and nearly passing out because you hacked into multi million dollar tech? That is the coolest thing to ever happen to you?
Peter’s friend: no?
just that i have ur number
pls pls dont make me delete it
the actual tony stark: Okay.
Peter’s friend: yay
thank you mr tony stark
and im sorry again
will not happen again
scouts honor
🫡
Chat: iron helicopter and Spiderling
Spiderling: hi
iron helicopter: What.
Spiderling: no hello?
who shit in ur cereal this morning
iron helicopter: Hello
What do you want?
Also watch your mouth
Spiderling: jfc ur in a bad mood
iron helicopter: It's 1am, you're on patrol and im trying to track your vitals and location if you could be so kind in standing still
Spiderling: ...
thats like a total invasion of my privacy
iron helicopter: You lost privacy privileges when you decided to get your little buddy to hack into my tech and proceeded to bleed out next to a deli.
Spiderling: it wasn't a deli
it was a pizza place
iron helicopter: Peter.
Spiderling: yes?
iron helicopter: Have you broken your shoulder?
Spiderling: no
iron helicopter: Uh huh
Then why am I staring at a scan of your shoulder, broken.
Spiderling: must be old
i did dislocate it
but i relocated it
so its fine
iron helicopter: Peter, its broken.
Spiderling: its not broken!
its fractured
but thats fine
i fracture stuff all the time
i fractured my rib last night
its fine now
iron helicopter: I need you to realise how much that did the opposite of reassuring me
Spiderling: mr stark honestly im fine
all good
iron helicopter: Okay...
Why did you text me in the first place?
Spiderling: oh ye
can i swing by on my way home?
im lowk starving and all the good food places have shut the only places that are open look like they want to poison me and film it
iron helicopter: Sure.
But I'm sending you a car, you're not swinging with a fractured shoulder.
Spiderling: mr stark honestly im fine
iron helicopter: Don't care.
Spiderling: okay :(
omg
can you pick me up
can we go to a drive thru
iron helicopter: We are in the middle of the city, where are you expecting me to find you a drive thru?
Spiderling: oh sht yeh
sucks
well im On my way!
jfc i hate that thing
iron helicopter: I quite literally said that I am sending you a car a minute ago.
Spiderling: who is driving said car
iron helicopter: Happy
Spiderling: ...
let me in im outside
i think im on ur floor
wait no
oops
mr stark why do you have ppl working at 1am
thats bad
im gonna call hr on u
ne ways
if someone contacts you tmw bc someone in a spider-man costume made them drop a vial of smth... i wasn't involved
just out of curiosity what was in the vial
it was more like a tube tbh
mr stark can you let me in now
iron helicopter: Christ kid.
I was on the phone to Happy, he is not Happy.
Spiderling: who was he then?
why were you calling a stranger
mr stark its really cold out here, i will freeze
iron helicopter: Put your heaters on, just give me a minute.
Aren't you meant to be a genius can you not open the window yourself?
Spiderling: no
i tried...
i snapped the handle off
iron helicopter: Great.
Spiderling: have you made me food?
iron helicopter: Mac n cheese
Spiderling: the orange one??????
iron helicopter: Yes
Spiderling: YAY
CAN YOU PLEASE OPEN THE WINDOW NOW
iron helicopter: I am literally walking into the kitchen rn
Spiderling: uhhh
mr stark
i think im on the wrong floor again
...
do u happen to have any tech to erase memories
second question
do you know that two of your security guards are dating
or smth
iron helicopter: I've opened the window, find the right floor.
Spiderling: im traumatised mr stark
iron helicopter: You are very different from me when I was 15.
Spiderling: EW GROSS
IM GOING HOME
iron helicopter: Not with that shoulder you're not
Kid. Inside.
Spiderling: ...okay
what abt may
iron helicopter: I texted May the second you texted me
Spiderling: snitch
iron helicopter: Cry me a river
Your Mac n cheese is getting cold kid
Spiderling: OKAY ONE SEC
On my way!
JFC