Chapter Text
“With Peter, Stiles? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Derek snapped, rising to his feet. Stiles was having a hard time teetering between guilt and anger. On the one side, he would have been a lot more confident in rubbing his tryst in Derek’s face if it had been a stranger. After all, he figured they would be on even ground since it had been a stranger Derek had cheated on him with. Then again, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be on even ground with Derek. He wasn’t sure if he wanted retribution or to punish Derek.
“Fuck you, Derek. You have no right to be pissed at me. Who the fuck was that guy you were with? Do you really think what you did was better just because the guy you fucked wasn’t my relative or my enemy or my fucking friend? Do you really want to try and take the high ground here? Because I’m pretty sure you don’t have a fucking leg to stand on.” Stiles snapped.
“I’m going to kill him.” Derek said. It didn’t sound so much like a threat as a statement of fact. At least his reaction lent some credence to the idea that they were in some kind of relationship. Derek’s eyes were red and his canines were extended. Stiles wasn’t particularly surprised. If anything was going to trigger his alpha self to wolf out, this would be it. Instinct told him to back down, but the boiling rage in his gut directed him otherwise.
“Yeah, you already tried that once, buddy. What is that pisses you off, exactly? Is it that you don’t like sharing your toys? Is it that you’re afraid I enjoyed it? I’m not gonna act like I didn’t. You can smell it, you know I enjoyed it. Did you enjoy yourself, Derek? Was it worth it?” Stiles snapped, taking a step towards Derek. He refused to be cowed by the big wolfy displays of anger.
“You want to be with Peter? Go for it.” Derek growled. He turned like he was going to walk away, but there was no fucking way Stiles was letting him have the last word.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me. You have yet to explain yourself at all. You keep bringing it back to me and Peter, but you were the one who fucked up in the first place. You really think I would ever touch Peter if you hadn’t done this? You really think I would have touched anyone else if you hadn’t done this?” Stiles said, stepping in front of Derek to block him from leaving. Derek tried to push past him.
“I’m fucking serious Derek! You’re not going anywhere until you explain yourself. I think I deserve that much. “
“You need to get the hell away from me, Stiles. I can’t talk to you like this. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do right now. You smell… you fucking smell like I need to rip something to fucking pieces and yet you insist on doing this. You need to get away from me.” Derek hissed.
“The quicker you give me an explanation, the quicker you can go take your rage out on some innocent bunnies.” Stiles said, not giving Derek any ground. Derek snorted incredulously, making it very clear that it wasn’t bunnies he wanted to take his rage out on.
“You want to know the truth? I don’t have a good reason. I can’t just tell you something that’s going to make it make sense and make everything better. I freaked out about being tied to someone. That’s the long and short of it. I felt like shit the moment I saw you. I tried to talk to you! You didn’t even give me a chance. You went off and fucked the first person you saw. Did it help? Do you feel better now?” Derek growled, stepping up to get in Stiles’s face. Between Derek’s ever-more aggressive advances and the fact that he was still trying to turn the focus back on Stiles rather than his own fuck up, pushed Stiles to the breaking point.
“Yeah, I really do. I feel so much better Derek. I think Peter fucked the hurt right out of me and it was good. The shit I did with him would make your fucking hair curl, Derek. Kill him? You oughta take lessons from him.” Stiles said, his voice shaking with tears. He was completely humiliated by his stupid body’s emotional responses, but between the anger and sadness and adrenaline, he couldn’t really help it.
Derek was gone before he could try and stop him again. It was probably for the best. Stiles wasn’t even sure what he’d been trying to achieve at that point. He was just so angry that he couldn’t seem to stop.
Stiles felt about ready to collapse. He honestly couldn’t believe all this had happened in one day. He had woken up that morning expecting to hang out with (what he thought was) his boyfriend, maybe sit around and watch the pack train, eat some pizza, head home and crash. Now he felt like he’d run both a sexual and emotional marathon.
Derek was long gone and Stiles felt like an idiot standing there on his lawn crying, smelling like a whorehouse. He headed in the house and went straight for the shower. He didn’t get out until the water had run cold and his fingers were pruny.
Stiles went to collapse onto his bed with no intention of waking up for at least a week, but his phone seemed to have different ideas. Stiles let it ring, but after a short pause the damn thing started going off again. He leaned off the side of the bed and yanked his jeans over by the leg so he could fish his phone out of the pocket.
Stiles let out a squawk of incredulous laughter when he saw who was calling him. Peter. That was just what he needed right now. Curiosity won out over exhaustion and Stiles answered the phone.
“Shouldn’t you be headed for the border by now?” Stiles said.
‘If I were that worried about Derek I would have left town the first time he killed me.’ Peter said with a chuckle. Well at least someone was finding humor in the situation.
“What do you want, Peter? I’m fucking tired.”
’I wanted to make sure you were alright, believe it or not.’
“I don’t believe it, actually.” Stiles said with a snort.
’Doesn’t make it any less true. Derek coming after me isn’t a problem, but you…’
“Wait, you’re kidding me. You were worried about Derek hurting me or something?” Stiles asked. It wasn’t so much that he couldn’t believe Derek would hurt him, it was kind of touch and go there for a minute, but more that he couldn’t believe Peter gave any semblance of a fuck.
’Is it really that strange for me to check up on you?’
“Yeah, kinda. I mean, I was pretty sure that whole ‘I like you, Stiles’ bit was just to get into my pants. You giving a shit does not compute. I mean, you didn’t seem too worried about it earlier.” Stiles said.
’Can’t I be both a manipulative bastard who wanted to get into your pants and a concerned person who likes you? Are the two mutually exclusive?’
“Um, yes? Usually.”
’Ah. Well I suppose I’m just special then. Is it safe to assume snark is a sign of your wellbeing then?’ Peter said. Stiles sighed into the phone, aware that it was becoming an all too common response for him that evening.
“I’m fine Peter. Now please leave me alone.”
’Alright. I’ll send you a postcard from Tijuana.’ Peter said and Stiles actually let out a bitter little laugh at that before hanging up the phone. He turned his phone off and plugged it in to the charger and decided that there was a good chance that entire incredibly surreal conversation was some sort of auditory hallucination brought on by stress and exhaustion. He flopped back down on his bed and passed out before he could even get under the covers.
--
Stiles woke up the next morning with his blanket pulled up over him. He wasn’t sure if he should feel touched or a little violated that his father had tucked him in at some point during the night. Probably a little of both.
Out of habit, Stiles turned on his phone to check his missed calls and messages. He wasn’t surprised to find that Derek hadn’t called, but he was a little surprised at how disappointed he was. He was still half hoping for Derek to apologize and beg forgiveness like he hadn’t bothered doing the day before. He realized how very highly unlikely that was. In fact, there was a good chance Derek wouldn’t bother talking to him at all.
That thought actually made Stiles’s stomach turn. He realized he should be glad it was over. Derek had fucked up royally and with Stiles’s revenge sex fiasco, it seemed like breaking up was the smartest thing to do. Logic and reason all pointed to ‘let him go and move on’, but when had logic and reason ever mattered when it came to him and Derek?
Maybe he just needed time, but the idea of losing Derek for good still didn’t sit right with him. In fact, it made him feel a little like he might stop breathing. He was still furiously angry and so goddamn hurt that he couldn’t stand it, but that didn’t make it any easier to let Derek go.
Stiles realized he was going to drive himself crazy if he sat there wishing Derek hadn’t fucked up and imagining a million fantasy scenarios where things magically worked out. Spending the day alone with his thoughts was seeming less and less appealing by the second.
The really fucked up things was that all of Stiles’s possible plans for the day revolved around Derek. The pack had been spending most days of the summer over in the preserve training or at someone’s house hanging out and generally bonding. Stiles kind of resented the fact that he was at a natural disadvantage there. It was a lot easier to lose the pack’s token human tagalong than the pack’s freaking alpha.
God, were they going to be that couple that breaks up and fights for custody of their friends? Stiles should at least get Scott. After all, he had him first. Then again, Scott and Isaac were kind of a matched set these days and Isaac was pretty firmly on team Derek. He knew Scott would take his side, but he didn’t really want to make it an issue in the first place. He shouldn’t have to make it an issue because Derek shouldn’t have forced the whole fucking situation on him at all with his traitorous cock and philandering ways.
Stiles forced himself to breathe and tried to lay out his options. Anyone he tried to talk to would want to know what was going on with him and Derek. There was also a solid (ok, definite) chance that any wolf would be able to smell Peter on him… in him, even.
Speak of the devil. Just as Stiles was having that thought, his text alert went off with a picture message from Peter. Stiles let out a sigh that was quickly becoming his default response to all things Peter before replying (against his better judgement).
To: Zombiewolf
are you honest to god flirting with me? i just broke up with your nephew yesterday and you’re flirting with me?
From: Zombiewolf
So you are broken up then?
Stiles was pretty sure he should have turned off his phone again at that point, but it wasn’t like he could talk to anyone else. As fucked up as it was, Peter was his only distraction at the moment.
To: Zombiewolf
so beside the point. you’re like 20 years older than me. don’t make me call chris hansen on your ass.
Stiles sat his phone down to get dressed and hoped he came off a little more threatening than flirtatious. Then again, the two were probably one in the same when it came to Peter. The phone went off again by the time Stiles was dressed.
From: Zombiewolf
You weren’t complaining about my age when I was fucking you senseless yesterday.
Stiles’s jaw dropped. He was pissed off that Peter brought it up, but he also felt a tiny little rush of arousal when he remembered it. Even the knot in his stomach did nothing to dull the incredibly vivid memories of what he and Peter had done.
Stiles figured that was as good a time to stop responding as any.
Before he could sit and stew much longer, Scott called. Stiles took a couple deep calming breaths and answered the phone.
’Stiles?’
“Yeah buddy. What’s up?” Stiles asked, maybe a little too cheerfully.
’Hey, umm do you think I could come over and talk to you?’ Scott asked. He sounded… odd. Stiles froze for a moment.
“What’s going on?”
’I just… I think I should probably tell you in person.’ Scott said. Stiles started to panic. His mind started going through a million different scenarios. What if Derek went off and got himself killed doing something stupid? What if it was Stiles’s fault? What if…
’Dude, are you freaking out right now? Please don’t freak out!’ Scott said. Stiles realized he’d basically started hyperventilating into the phone.
“Scott just tell me what the hell is going on!”
’Look man. I hate to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure… I’m pretty sure Derek was sleeping with someone else. Scott said. Well, that was one person Stiles didn’t have to worry about telling.
“I know.”
’You already know? How? Why didn’t you call me or something, dude?’
“I just didn’t want to deal with it, ok? I walked in on him with someone else yesterday and… I reacted in typical Stiles fashion and did something extreme and then Derek and I got into a huge fight. It was a long shitty horrible day and I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Wait, how did you find out?”
’Umm, I could smell it when I went to the depot last night. Derek wasn’t there, but yeah. It was pretty obvious what went down.’ Scott explained and Stiles could actually hear him cringing through the phone. Stiles’s first thought was ‘Ew’ and his second was ‘Wow, Derek really sucks at cheating’. He almost had to wonder….
Suddenly the realization hit Stiles. Derek had wanted to get caught, or at least some part of him did. Maybe he was looking for an out. He was too big of a fucking coward to face his issues or just break up with Stiles so he decided to sabotage himself. Why else would he take the guy to the depot, knowing it was highly likely someone would walk in on him? Not to mention, he had to realize someone would smell it and even if the others didn’t tell Stiles about it, Scott most certainly would (and did, apparently).
“Scott, I gotta go. I’ll… I’ll call you later, ok?” Stiles said and before Scott could argue, he ended the call.
Stiles decided to take another shower before he left. He wasn’t going to let Derek take off again this time and the less he smelled like Peter, the less likely Derek was to do so. He basically ended up doing a full body wash rinse and repeat before he got dressed. He also made sure to wear one of Derek’s shirts he’d left there. It probably still smelled like him a little and it might soothe Derek’s crazy alpha instincts long enough to get him to talk.
Stiles got in his jeep and headed to the depot first. He wasn’t even going to bother trying to call because he knew Derek would just ignore him and probably go deeper into hiding. Derek was the king of avoidance and the master of running and hiding. Luckily Stiles had the element of surprise because there was no way Derek was expecting him to come looking for him this soon.
Stiles pulled up to the depot and noticed right away that the Camaro wasn’t in the usual spot. He decided to go inside just in case, but he hadn’t really expected to find him on the first try. Isaac was the only one there and he was doing his best impression of a deer in headlights when Stiles saw him.
“I already know, Isaac. You can breathe.” Stiles said. Isaac gave him a sheepish nod. “Do you know where Derek is?” Stiles asked him.
“Umm…” Isaac trailed off. Stiles knew he was just trying to be loyal to his alpha and friend, but it rubbed Stiles the wrong way. If Derek couldn’t be loyal then why should anyone else be loyal to him?
“Look, I just want to talk to him. If I was going to kill him I would have done it yesterday. Just tell me where he is, okay? And don’t tell him I’m looking for him. If he takes off before I find him, I’m gonna hold you personally responsible.” Stiles said.
“Come on, where else would he be?” Isaac said with a weary sigh.
“The Hale house.” Stiles said. Of course. Where else would Derek go to sulk and wallow in guilt and self-pity than the burnt out shell of his old house?
“Thanks Isaac. I’m dead serious though, not a fucking word.” Stiles said. Isaac shrugged and nodded and Stiles headed back out to his jeep. He didn’t think Isaac was going to warn Derek, but he was going to hurry just in case he changed his mind and decided helping Stiles wasn’t worth the wrath of the alpha.
Sure enough, Stiles pulled up to the Hale house to see Derek’s Camaro parked out front. He was sort of glad Derek was so predictable. Well he was predictable and kind of lacking in places to hide. Had he not been there, Stiles would have just done a sweep of all the abandoned buildings in the area and he would have turned up eventually, if he wasn’t out running in the preserve.
“Derek! Come on out. I really think we need to talk.” Stiles said. He didn’t bother yelling. He knew Derek had likely been on alert the moment he heard Stiles’s jeep. He just hoped he hadn’t decided to take off into the woods on foot. There had to be some limit to the lengths Derek would go to just to avoid him.
“I don’t think there’s anything to say.” Derek said from behind him. Stiles jumped a little. Of course, the creeper couldn’t resist creeping up on him. Fantastic.
“I think there is. You never told me why you did it, not really, but I think I have an idea.” Stiles said. Derek just huffed in response.
“I think you were looking for an out. I think you were expecting to get caught. Was being with me really that bad? I mean, enough that you would go that far just to chase me off?” Stiles said. He wished he could summon up a little more venom because anger was a lot easier to handle than the deep ache of sadness that kept threatening to push him to tears. He refused to cry in front of Derek again.
“No! I mean…. Honestly, I don’t fucking know. I’m too fucked up to be in a relationship, Stiles. Something like this was going to happen eventually. It’s not like I was making a conscious effort to get caught, okay? I just… wasn’t really trying not to, I guess.” Derek said and it was clear on his face that he realized how incredibly stupid that sounded the moment he said it.
“Do you have any idea how much worse it was for me to walk in and see that? I mean, I would rather you send me a fucking break up email than have to walk in you fucking someone else. I would rather you throw a rock with a message taped to it through my window. Shit, you could have spray painted it on my jeep and it still would have hurt less than this. Not wanting to be in a relationship is one thing, Derek. This is… it’s fucking cruel.” Stiles said. Derek scrubbed his hand over face and took a deep breath.
“I know it doesn’t really help for me to say I wasn’t thinking, but it’s the truth. It wasn’t like I had some premeditated plan to do this. I really wish I could go back in time and do this differently, but I can’t Stiles.” Derek said.
“But you would still break up with me either way, right?” Stiles asked. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous to hear Derek’s answer. It wouldn’t change anything and it would probably just make him feel worse either way.
“I think… yeah. Look, I’m not really boyfriend material. You’re young and I’m a fucking asshole. You deserve better. I fuck up everything I touch.” Derek said. Oh lovely, this routine again. Classic Derek.
“Wow. I really wish you could have figured that out before you took my fucking virginity and spent all that time with me and fucking made me lo- made me like you. You made me think you liked me too.” Stiles said. Fuck. This not crying thing was beginning to be a real challenge. Stiles hated the way his voice kept wavering. Why couldn’t he just keep his emotions in check, just this once?
“I’m really fucking sorry Stiles. I did like you, I still like you. I’m just fucked up. I’m really fucked up and really fucking stupid.” Derek said. He stepped forward and lifted his hand for a moment before dropping it down in an aborted move to reach out and comfort him. Part of Stiles really wished he would. He hated himself for it, but goddamn did he wish he could just wrap himself up in Derek and forget any of this had ever happened.
“I’m gonna leave. I mean, leave Beacon Hills. For a while, at least.” Derek said, more to the ground than to Stiles. Stiles just nodded. He wasn’t going to beg Derek to stay. Yeah, Derek was just adding one stupid decision to another, but that was his prerogative. It wasn’t any of Stiles’s business what he did. Not anymore.
Instead, Stiles just turned away and got back into his jeep. He wondered if that would be the last time he saw Derek and he choked a little. He was actually beginning to feel nauseous from trying not to cry, but he refused to let go when Derek was still in his rearview mirror.
The text alert on Stiles’s phone went off and he didn’t have to look to know it was Peter. He had the sneaking suspicion he’d end up responding too.