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Time: Four years ago.
''If you had the chance to take the serum, would you do it?''
"Hell yeah."''You wouldn't be worried about how it might...change you?''
''Power just makes a person more of themselves, right? Karli Morgenthau, Steve Rogers.''
''And me?''
''You already have three Medals of Honor. You consistently make the right choices in the heat of battle.''
''Yep. Three badges of excellence to make sure I never forget the worst day of my life. We both know that the things we had to do in Afghanistan to be awarded those medals felt a long way away from being right. Being Cap is the first time I've had the chance to do something that actually feels right.''
''God, imagine how many lives we would've been able to save that day if we had the serum.''
''I know.''
The decision he made that day to take the serum might've just been the worst thing he had done. It ruined his life when all he wanted was to be worth something, to be worthy of holding that shield. He wanted to be the person that Lemar saw him as, the person that would rush into battle and save everybody, but he wasn't. He couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough. He was never enough.
He thought that the serum would help with that and thought that if he had the serum, if he was strong enough, he could save everyone. That he could be worthy of the title of Captain America, that he could live up to the legacy Steve Rogers left. He didn't want to see anyone else die and wanted to protect the country.
What a fool he was.
That day he lost Lemar, was the start of his downfall.
Lemar was the one person he has had with him his entire life, his best friend. His rock. They had gone through high school and war after war with each other, and he was his partner, even after John had begged him to forget about it and to go live a normal life. He still remembers his words.
''We stick together through thick and thin. You're not fighting alone, John.''
He devoted himself to keeping him safe. He had seen far too many people die in front of him during his service, and he would go through the trenches of hell and back for Lemar.
The day still plays on his mind on repeat and haunts his nightmares every night.
He was being held back, his brain screaming at him to free himself from the grip of the super soldier that was holding him back. 'Get out, get away! Save him; he's going to die. You promised.' It was like everything slowed down, watching as Karli kicked Lemar across the room until he slammed into the pillar, his body instantly going limp against the concrete. John fought against the grip, his feet moving before his brain could even catch up to what had just happened. He falls to the floor, his hand gripping his best friend's face, seeing the dark blood drip from his mouth.
"Hey—Hey, Lemar, Lemar!"
He's gripping his face now, hoping that this didn't just happen, that he didn't just lose the person who he held closest to his heart. His shaky hands move to his pulse, hoping that he would feel a single thud, but nothing. There was nothing. He was gone. He failed; Lemar was dead. His best friend, the only thing he had left; He was gone. He wasn't coming back this time.
Was everything he did for nothing?
He wasn't crying, no. He could feel rage consume him from every inch of his body, anger and adrenaline pumping through his veins. Lemar didn't deserve this—he was innocent. He had so much to live for; he had his whole life ahead of him.