Chapter Text
IFHY (Instrumental)
Tyler, The Creator
Today was a good day. It wasn’t too early to say that, right? Niko got out of bed, walked around, even helped with some Expendable stuff. Sebastian was in a good mood. Everything seemed…okay, for once. At least for Sebastian.
It, however, was not a good day for Niko. He was trying his hardest to ignore the passive thoughts in his brain. It was different. He could notice when thoughts burst in unannounced, arriving with terrible news of events that will never unfold because Niko would never do such a thing in his right mind. No, these thoughts are regular. Common. What he’s really thinking.
He glances nervously at Sebastian as he finishes up a transaction, a scowl on his face. It truly is odd how used he’s gotten to being soft around Niko that he doesn’t even fight it anymore. But around others, he’s a complete and unadulterated dick.
He tapped his fingers against his thigh. Was this normal? Surely it must be. It is normal to think these things, because he is a normal person. It must be that people don’t talk about it. Yes, it must be an agreed subject that everyone else has secretly, silently said that they will not speak about it. But what if it isn’t? What if he’s an outlier? What if he’s losing his mind? His body’s rotting away, it would make sense if his mind was as well.
He took a breath. Should he tell Sebastian? He instantly decided against it upon ruminating on the subject for a bit longer than 2 seconds. He would find him repulsive, truly. He would rip off the wedding ring, throw it in his face, and kick him out, straight into a Pandemonium’s maw.
He glanced once more at him. He said something rude. The expendable’s expression faltered for a bit. He stopped pitying them years ago. They finally finished the transaction, and Sebastian stretched his arms, joints popping as he groaned.
He stood up and made a bee-line to the makeshift bathroom. He shut the door, scrambling to find anything sharp. There it was: a blade.
He paused to think of his actions. Would this help? Would this solve anything? He decided it would. That was not the truth.
He tugged his pants down, leaving him only in his boxers. He took a shaky breath. He lined the blade up with his thigh. He pressed and dragged. It was an odd feeling. He didn’t quite like it, but he knew he’d get used to it. He released the blade as well as a breath, staring. Blood bloomed from the wound, weeping out. He continued. Over and over. Until he could barely see the flesh on his legs. He dropped the blade to the ground as it clattered.
Sebastian’s fins fluttered. He’d been in there a while. Checking up wouldn’t hurt, right? He slithered up to the door, knocking gently.
Niko’s eyes widened. He quickly patted his legs down with a towel lying on the floor. It’d get infected. He didn’t care. He scrambled to hide the blade.
”All- all good!” He called out, a voice crack giving him away. Sebastian’s brows furrowed.
”You sure?” He kept the worry out of his voice, instead sounding annoyed. Like this was an inconvenience.
”Yeah. Yeah, sure.” He pulled his pants up and walked out. Sebastian watched him exit. His eye twitched. He excused the scent of blood from the recent flare-up. That was not the truth.
Listen, being trapped in one place with barely any other people gets you…desperate. In a variety of ways.
So when the two were kissing rather aggressively, it made sense. It made sense for them to be gripping at each other like they’d disappear if they didn’t.
One thing led to another, and soon enough, the two were on the bed. Sebastian was tugging off Niko’s pants. He tried to object, but it was too late. His smile dropped and he stared. His boxers were soaked in blood. His fins deflated as he lifted the fabric, looking at every deep cut. Most went through the epidermis. A few went through the dermis. One went through the hypodermis.
”…what…happened?” He whispered. This wasn’t a flare up. This wasn’t a creature. This was done by hand. He looked back up.
Niko was shaking. There were tears dotting his eyes. He took shallow breaths, gripping the thin sheets.
”Hey, hey, calm down. We can fix this. We’ll- we’ll clean this up, and-“
”I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t hate me- please don’t kick me out, I’ll be better, I swear.” He begged, gasping for air as he bit back sobs.
”No, no, it’s alright, don’t- don’t say that. I’m not gonna kick you out, honey. Deep breaths, okay?” He did over-exaggerated breaths. He’s done this before, with his mother. She’d have panic attacks like this. He had to learn how to help.
He picked up the breathing, squeezing his eyes shut. He was white-knuckling the sheets, trying his very hardest not to burst into tears. Sebastian, once deeming it was okay to leave for a few seconds, grabbed some equipment. There wasn’t much left after the previous flare.
He wrapped it in gauze. That was the only thing he could do. He curled his tail around Niko. What’s he supposed to do here? He doesn’t know how to comfort people, much less people he cares about.
He decided just to pat his shoulder awkwardly. They sat side-by-side until Niko calmed down.
“I’m sorry,” Niko apologized for the umpteenth time.
”It’s…it’s alright. Why did ya..y’know…do that?”
”I dunno.” Sebastian was too tired to press. He just took that as an answer and wrapped his tail around him.
”Don’t do it again, okay? I’m gonna hide all of it where ya can’t get it.”
Niko nodded, wrapping his arms around him. He muttered something in Russian, then an ‘I love you’ and closed his eyes.
Sebastian sighed. He’s gonna get gray hairs at this rate.
”Love you, too.”