Chapter Text
Dear Diary,
Life’s been good lately. I’m looking up at the sign saying no accidents in the last 28 days as I’m writing this. But that’s not all.
I feel like we started building something for ourselves here. Something real. Not only for surviving. Almost every day somebody’s bringing someone new and our little Prison community is growing in numbers and in smiley faces. There are children running around, playing and laughing now. Can you imagine?
My dad’s helping Rick with the farm and livestock. I remember when dad tried teaching me about crops too, back in the old days. It seemed boring then. I was always thinking of ways to get out of those ‘lessons’ of his, but now it’s coming in handy. Just another small way in which I can help.
Everyone’s working now. Each of us has a job to do, a way to contribute. But nobody’s complaining about it, they seem happy to do it. With most of the jobs that need to be taken care of, we have people rotating, changing shifts, so that nobody gets bored. I think it’s good. Keeps everyone on their toes.
But there are a few jobs that are set in stone.
Like my babysitting. There are more women here now, and some of them babysit too and they often take care of the older children, but I noticed Rick likes it when it’s me taking care of Little Ass Kicker. It puts him at ease. So I’m still the designated babysitter most of the time.
But sometimes I get to do other stuff too. I’ve been helping with the crops and in the kitchen. Dad and Doctor S. had me assisting in the medic’s bay a few times too. I wish I could do that more often. Seems more dignified than singing to a baby the whole day.
I wish I was stronger too, so that I could help with tougher jobs.
Michonne and Daryl are out on runs the most, with Sasha, Glenn, and Tyreese joining often. Maggie goes sometimes too. She’s tougher than me. Like most people here.
I can tell that others are really grateful to them for risking their lives like that. Especially to Daryl. He’s bringing a lot of people in. I think he has a nose for good ones too.
He’s slowly becoming something of a celebrity here, you know?
Beth giggled, imagining Daryl hearing it. She wondered if he noticed. Beth had been noticing it more and more over the last few weeks. People would stop what they were doing to look up and watch him go whenever he strolled through the Prison. They’d shout their greetings after him and smile whenever he acknowledged them. It was pretty cute.
“Hey, Beth?” Beth looked up to see Carol peeking at her through the curtain of her cell. She had Judith in her arms. “Could you do something for me?”
“You want me to take her?” Beth was already up and reaching for the baby, but Carol shook her head, smiling.
“No, it’s alright. But I can’t find her mini blanket. You know, the one she loves so much, she won’t go to sleep without it.”
“Oh, yeah, I left it in the laundry room in the morning. It should be washed and dried by now.” Beth moved out of the cell with Carol. “I’ll fetch it for you.”
“Could you? That would be great, Beth. Thank you.”
Beth nodded. Of course she could. She was actually on her way to bring it back right before sitting down to write in her diary, but she met Zach on her way there… and forgot.
Beth blushed at the thought. He’s been getting more handsy lately. It felt nice, being wanted like this. It was new too.
Jimmy was always so sweet and careful, asking every time if he could kiss her, his hands always respectfully on her back or shyly touching her cheek. They never did anything more than kissing.
Now, Zach was sweet too, but in a different way. He was pulling all the moves Maggie once told her to watch out for with guys.
There was nothing shy about the way he joked around - cocky smiles and winks - as he guided his hand down her back to lie it on her ass when they walked through narrow corridors. He’d laugh it off whenever she called him out on it playfully. Sorry, didn’t mean to, he’d say, did it by accident. Just like the first time he hugged her. They were all sitting by the campfire, telling stories and singing, when Zach stretched and sneezed, his arm dropping around her shoulders. Maggie and Glenn kept making fun of it for days afterward.
But it wasn’t just a game to him. Beth could tell he really liked her.
He kept trying to help her whenever he wasn’t working - volunteering to do her chores for her, lifting and carrying things for her, gently cleaning Judy’s spit of her cheeks, or running ahead to hold a door even when she told him not to. On one such occasion Beth heard Daryl snort in amusement somewhere behind her back. He was shaking his head with a smile when she turned around. It made her feel giddy.
Beth walked past the laundry room, ignoring the way her tummy turned as she passed it. That was where Zach pulled her in earlier. He was all hot and bothered, but all she could think about was that the washing machine was digging uncomfortably into her ass cheek. Well, that and Amy Higgins from high school who said that it was so mind-blowing to have a guy dry-hump you. Beth didn’t feel like her mind was being blown necessarily. It wasn’t bad, it was just… okay. She figured in today’s world okay was enough. Maybe the actual sex will be more exciting?
She took a turn into a corridor leading outside, to where they hung their clothes to dry outside.
The corridor smelled like freshly made laundry, and Beth could hear laughter coming from outside. She smiled, nearing the exit. The voices got louder and Beth recognized all three of them. One belonged to the woman from Woodbury, Maurine. She braided Beth’s hair once after the whole day of Judith pulling on them. She was humming while she worked, which reminded Beth of her mom. It was the closest Beth came to tears in awhile. After Beth thanked her, Maurine smiled and said that as the only blonde babes here they should stick together.
“Oh come on, you can’t honestly tell me you haven’t thought about it, Gina!” Maurine accused, her voice full of laughter. Gina gulped, and Beth stopped right as she was about to step out. She wasn’t sure why.
“No! Have you?!” Gina sat on a stool, a laundry basket at her feet. She rested her back against the pale stone behind. Her dark, thick hair had slipped out of its ponytail, strands sticking to her warm olive skin.
Daryl found Gina, Katja and Gina’s brother, Miguel, just a few days after the Woodbury folks arrived. The three of them were on the verge of exhaustion. Now Gina looked fresh and well-rested, her cheeks had that healthy shine to them and her bright smile had yet to fail to make Beth smile back.
“Liar,” Katja delivered in that strong, Slavic accent of hers, eyeing Gina with playful defiance. Gina glared and stuck her tongue at her. It was easy to tell that not only did Katja and Gina know each other from before, but also that there was some form of rivalry involved. Zach told Beth they apparently played soccer on opposing teams. They had a game the day the world ended too.
“Pff, yeah!” Maurine answered Gina’s question, ignoring the girls’ antics otherwise. “I mean, you seen him? The way he walks, you just know that guy’s packin’. Am I right, Katja?”
Katja’s long legs flexed as she leaned forward, her shorts showing off her muscles. She told Glenn she was never as grateful for all that running she did on the field as she was when she had to start running for her life. She only wished her mom could have run just as fast.
Beth moved, stepping in the sun, and opened her mouth to greet them, not wanting to eavesdrop on their conversation any longer. But before she could, or before any of them noticed her, Katja’s next words had her freezing:
“Oh, he fucks good. Yes?”
Beth blinked, her guts twisting at the sound of the crude language. The women all giggled at Katja’s words as if it was okay to talk like that. To express your needs and wants so loudly and certainly.
“Yeah, I bet,” Maurine said, throwing her long blonde hair over her shoulder and leaning down to pick up another piece of clothing. “Rough and hard, baby. Hell, I’d let him push my face against any wall, any day, ladies. Just one word, Mr. Dixon, I’m down on my knees.”
Maurine’s voice turned into a squeaky little thing at the end and she went down, kneeling in front of the laundry basket to the amusement of the other two women.
Beth bit into her lip, trapping the noise that just wanted to get out. She had never heard anyone talk like that.
They were all older than her, but Gina and Katja didn’t seem older by much. Beth didn’t ask, but something told her they were around Maggie’s age. Maurine was certainly older than that though, bolder and more confident.
“Mhm, bet he could hold you real tight with those huge guns of his,” Gina murmured under her breath, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks.
“Aha!” Katja pointed at her with triumph, amusement flickering in her eyes. “You think about this!”
“No! Just… you know, it’s hard not to notice, ‘s all! Those arms are just there, right in your face the whole goddamned time!”
“Sure, honey! That’s what you tell yourself,” Maurine smirked at her, leaning into her space. “Just admit it. You’d swallow his huge cock whole if you could.”
Beth felt disgusted. Disturbed. Completely appalled by the behaviour and the disrespect toward Daryl. She was really outraged. So, so outraged.
But she couldn’t move or speak. All she could do was listen and rage inside, the images painted by the women flashing in front of her eyes unbidden.
It was Katja that noticed her at last, her eyes flicking to Beth as if by accident. Beth flinched, her breath catching in her chest. She’d blush if she wasn’t already red like a tomato. She was ready to jump into apologizing for listening in on them when Katja smirked wickedly, her eyes flicking back to Gina and Maurine.
“Where?” Katja asked as if she didn’t see Beth at all. “I would have him in the showers. Watch the water go down his hairy chest.”
Katja pushed her hand down her own well-endowed chest, biting into her lip like she could just imagine it.
“Hairy? You think it’s hairy?” Gina asked as if the idea didn’t sit right with her.
Beth didn’t want to think about this. Didn’t want to picture Daryl like that at all. But suddenly - maybe because of the way Zach pushed her into the laundry room and groped her earlier, maybe because she was already thinking about sex today - she could imagine it.
Daryl’s arm closed around her collarbones, his muscles flexing as he held her against the shower stall. Water ran down their joined bodies, his mouth against her neck and his other hand pushing their hips together as he…
Beth gulped and took a sharp turn back, ignoring the way all three women suddenly turned to her at the sound. Her face was burning, her throat dry and her guts twisted in a completely new way. She felt something else too. Something she didn’t let herself dwell on as she pushed herself away from those awful women and their awful thoughts.
She didn’t even take two steps inside the corridor before crashing into someone. Strong hands caught her before she could stumble back.
The first thing Beth noted when she blinked, the world coming back into focus, was her hand pressed to the wall of muscle in front. She gasped, breathing in the smell of motor oil and Marlboro red.
“You alright?” Daryl rasped.
Her flushed face turned a shade darker as she looked up from Daryl’s dark shirt and was met with his blue, piercing eyes instead.
She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but her eyes caught on his lips, the same she just imagined pressed to her skin, and all she could do was gulp again.
Daryl didn’t try to stop her when she ripped herself away from him, but she could see the confusion in his eyes. And maybe a flash of hurt too?
“S-sorry,” she rushed out finally, shame giving way to guilt.
She didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead she stepped around him and rushed back to her cell without looking back.
When Carol looked at her questioningly upon her return, Beth mumbled a quiet: couldn’t find it, sorry. She wasn’t sure what was showing on her face, but later she heard Carol telling Rick that he should let Beth rest, because she might be coming down with something.
Beth was grateful for the excuse when the dinner time came and Maggie brought her food to her cell. It was a few hours after the whole incident, so Beth had a lot of time to think this through and decide she was going to blame some stomach bug. Maggie didn’t even think to question it.
That night Beth didn’t open her diary again. She didn’t let herself think about any of it either. Or that’s what she told herself in the morning.
At breakfast, she sat next to Maggie and resolutely didn’t raise her eyes when Daryl walked in - a chorus of voices greeting him alerting her to it. Their group usually sat together at breakfasts though, so just a moment later Daryl and Carol joined them at the table.
“You’re feeling better, Beth?” Carol sat directly across from Beth and Daryl planted himself right beside her. Her eyes betrayed her. They darted to him, then quickly away when she saw him looking back.
“I’m fine,” Beth smiled at Carol. “It was just some,” she cleared her throat, looking down to her plate and pushing the food around on the plate. “Stomach bug.”
Beth dared another look at Daryl. He was still watching her, his own food untouched on his plate. This time she held his gaze, something in his stare making her unable to look away. Something warm settled in her tummy, her breath catching in her chest, her heart beating loudly like a trapped animal waiting to be struck.
This time, Daryl dropped his eyes.
“Good thing it went away quickly,” Carol said.
“Those things have a way of bringing one down when you least expect it, don’t they?” Beth’s Dad mused from his seat on Maggie’s other side. He didn’t comment on it the day before, but she had a feeling Dad knew she was lying about it.
“Yeah, sorry I couldn’t help with the blanket,” Beth said, truly apologetic about it.
Well, at least she knew now that curiosity could only bring trouble. If she didn’t stop to listen to those women, nothing would’ve happened. Not that anything had happened. She just accidentally heard something she wasn’t supposed to. End of story. Right?
Beth glanced at Daryl and as if on cue, he raised his eyes from his plate. Their eyes met for just a second before his baby blues flicked to Carol, but it was enough for Beth’s tummy to twist. Darn, maybe she really did catch something?
Carol waved her hand.
“Don’t worry about it, Gina spotted Daryl out and gave it to him.”
What? Why would she do that?
“Oh,” Beth’s eyes went to Daryl again, unbidden.
“She told me you might be lookin’ for it. Wasn’t sure, ‘cause you ran off before she could ask.” Daryl shrugged, as if it was no big deal. And it wouldn’t be if Beth did anything but stare at the three women when she went down there.
She did tell Gina she was leaving the blanket for washing and would need it later on when she met her in the morning, so maybe it wasn’t that strange that she guessed it. At least, it supported the lie she told Carol about how she couldn’t find it, so that was good.
Had Daryl heard anything when he was walking down that corridor? Perhaps that’s why he was watching her like that, wondering what her deal was.
Rick joined them at the table, Judith in his arms, and Carl at his side, and the conversation moved to more pressing matters. Like crops and pigs and whatnot. Beth barely listened to anything they said, too busy forcing her eyes to stay away from Daryl. She had no idea why she suddenly had to fight the urge to do so.
It wasn’t like she avoided looking at him before. On the contrary, it was hard not to notice Daryl Dixon.
Even before the Prison, back when they were still on the farm, her eyes would often drift to him, curious about that angry, rugged man who cared enough to go looking for a lost girl and nearly got himself killed for it. It was strange to her then. Not so much now that she knew what kind of man Daryl was.
She was a bit scared of him the first time her Dad asked her to help with bandage changes after Daryl had been shot by Andrea. Then she saw the scars on his back and that fear turned into compassion. She didn’t say anything then, pretended not to notice, not wanting to spook him or have him lash out.
But from that point onward she kept wondering about him. About the life he led before. About the people who hurt him like that. About the way he would hold himself so guarded against everyone.
Then he started stepping up—hunting for them, protecting them, helping Rick navigate their little group through the challenges of this new world. Beth’s compassion for him was joined by admiration and wonder. She still watched him with curiosity, catching him having tender moments with Judy and Carl, noticing the respect he started building for himself within the group, and not overlooking how deeply he cared, how thoughtful he was of those who needed help and protection the most.
However this here, now, didn’t feel like curiosity, or at least not the same kind. It was different somehow. Related somehow to the awfully inappropriate words she overheard the day before.
Suddenly the world went dark, hands covering her eyes.
“Guess who,” a boyish voice said.
“Zach,” she said exasperated, pulling his hands away from her face.
“Ah, on your first try!”
Beth rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but smile at how silly he was. He dropped into the seat next to hers, his eyes leaving her briefly to go to the others as he said his hellos. Beth cast her gaze to the side before she could stop herself, her eyes catching on Daryl’s arms, then quickly jumping up to his face. He wasn’t watching her anymore. Obviously. Why would he? He was focused on his meal instead, rushing through it like he had other, better places to be at.
She wondered, again, if he heard any part of yesterday’s conversation. He was close to the entrance when she ran into him.
Beth’s attention was pulled from Daryl’s form when she felt Zach shift next to her. He leaned in so that only she could hear the next sentence:
“What’s up? You never showed.”
Oh.
They were supposed to sneak out together. She completely forgot.
Beth blinked at him.
“I got a stomach bug,” she repeated the lie she’d told everyone so quickly she wouldn’t blame him if he thought it was an excuse. But Zach didn’t notice.
“Darn, you good now?”
Daryl shifted to stand, the table creaking softly as he pushed himself up with one hand. Beth’s gaze snagged on the way his muscles flexed. Well. Gina hadn’t exaggerated. They were hard to miss.
“Beth?” Zach’s voice interrupted her line of thought.
She blushed.
“Yeah, I’m good, yeah.”
It was a relief when a moment later Rick called her over and asked to take Judith. She wasn’t sure why but she felt strange talking to Zach. As if she was hiding something from him. Maybe she shouldn’t have lied to him about the stomach bug? But then again, she couldn’t really tell him the truth. She wasn’t sure she knew what the truth even was. In fact, now that Beth thought about it, she felt pretty stupid for making such a big deal out of this whole thing.
She’d heard some girls lusting after Daryl. So what? Really, it would’ve been weirder if nobody was into him this way. He was a good guy.
Brave.
Capable.
Steady in a way that made people feel safe.
A little rough around the edges, maybe, but gentle when it mattered.
Secretly a softie (though Beth wasn’t sure anyone knew that unless they’d caught him smiling at Little Ass Kicker the way she had).
But that’s not what Gina, Katja and Maurine were talking about at all, Beth thought, blushing. Her mind instantly jumped to the way Daryl’s muscles flexed as he hauled himself up from his seat. They were flexing in the same manner in her mind the day before when she imagined him pressing her into the shower’s wall.
“Why would you do that, Beth?” she murmured to herself, hosting Judith higher on her hip as she walked out into the garden to play with her outside for some time.
That was the part that didn’t sit right with her the most. Where did those images come from? Why would she imagine herself there with Daryl when the women had clearly been talking about themselves? Instead of answers, Beth’s mind decided to rewind the tape and show her the shower scene again. Beth shook her head, nearly jumping out of her skin when she spotted Daryl, leaning against a wall a few paces away, smoking a cigarette.
Beth gasped when her body reacted with a strange zing snapping through her from her toes to her head. She turned quickly, putting even more space between herself and Daryl. If he didn’t already notice her weird behaviour - and Beth knew he was too goddamned perceptive for his own good - she didn’t want to clue him in on it now.
Actually, the best thing to do here, would be to just forget this whole thing, Beth decided not for the first time since it happened.
It was nothing, she told herself.
She was just being stupid, she repeated in her head as she deposited Judith on a blanket she brought for her.
Just forget it.
Beth took a few deep breaths, calming herself. Yeah, that’s what she had to do. Just stop thinking about it. She was living in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. There were more important things to think about.
Like, how was she going to convince her Dad to let her help more in other ways than by babysitting and an occasional laundry/kitchen duty, or how she was going to make sure she’s a valuable part of this society if her Dad says no to her spending more time in the clinic with Doctor S. Beth had to also figure out how she wanted for this whole thing with Zach to proceed. Back in the day she would definitely tell him to slow down, but now… time was way more precious and the future less certain than before. Maybe she should just let it go as fast as Zach wanted and enjoy it while it lasted.
Those subjects managed to keep her away from the subject she desperately wanted to forget about for most of the day. By the evening Beth decided in a week’s time she’d tell Maggie about this and laugh with her at her own overreaction. Well, she won’t mention what her imagination conjured, no. That will be long forgotten, Beth thought.
In fact, from now on, nothing had happened.
True to her words, when Beth came to dinner that evening she smiled at Daryl and greeted him as if it was any other day. She didn’t even flinch or anything when Daryl took Judith of her hands, his arms brushing hers as he did. No weird thoughts entered her mind. Nada.
Beth told herself she only lingered a bit because of how cute Judith looked, smiling at Daryl, her small hands reaching out to grab at his cheeks. It had nothing to do with the way Daryl’s eyes shone with affection or with the way he smiled at Little Ass Kicker, in a way he never really smiled at anybody else. Like she was precious.
Katja winked at her when she was passing her and Daryl by on her way to the table. Beth had no idea what it was about.
That evening, Beth told herself that if she felt anything at all, it was because of the stomach bug, and she kept telling herself that every time her guts twisted at the sight of Daryl Dixon over the next few days. It had to be that. For Beth’s sanity, it had to.