Archive of Our Own

March 5, 10:00 AM – Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

“All rise for the honourable Judge Sonia Gavelle.” Squawked the bailiff, a rather meek mouse fellow, out to the assembly. It echoed across the marble floor, rose up past the stretching, oblong windowpanes and bounced off the finely varnished stand. Standing proud, the crest of Seaside City shone, ready to cast fervent justice upon the wicked.

Vector – sort of – prayed that it wouldn't be bestowed unto him. 

Nervously, he loosened his speckled tie, red with yellow fibres. Charmy selected it. He could kill Charmy.

So, an average Tuesday.

The bee himself fidgeted next to his guardian. Vanilla had managed to wrangle him into a dapper waist-coat and shirt combo and successfully slicked down the head fuzz into presentability.

Espio, meanwhile, wore a bowtie, because he was a tremendous dork on the best of days. Alas, the chameleon couldn’t bring weighted kunai into a courthouse – else the trio would end up in even deeper crap than they already were.

Enter Judge Sonia Gavelle. To Vector’s surprise, she was a human woman – probably late thirties, maybe younger. Her face was sharp like a battle axe, but also graceful in poise. She sported a nose that sloped into a delicate tip, framed by two eyes which squinted behind a pair of specs. The only thought that repeated through Vector’s head was: ‘Oh no, she’s hot!’. Simmer down, crocodile, for Gaia’s sake, you’re on trial here!

A jab hit him square in the pelvis. Vector threw an irritated glance in Espio’s direction – the perpetrator of his assault. The chameleon’s pale yellow eyes shunted over into the direction of the bench; urging, panicked. Vector quirked an eyebrow.

Barely restraining frustration, Espio gripped the tip of his horn and hissed out the side of his mouth.

“Answer her question.”

Vector spun back around to meet the judge’s gaze. She waited very patiently; hands folded together like origami.

“Ah… um-”

Gavelle watched the crocodile through the sheen in her glasses. “It’s your turn to introduce yourself.”

“Right! Uh…” Vector stalled. He took a look at the prosecutor standing smugly parallel to him. An iguana, washed out green in colour, telling tales that she was not a particularly fun person to be around. As in, she wore a cravat. Who the hell wears a cravat in this day and age? Regardless, Vector’s intuition swept her demeanour, and he could tell – she was stifling laughter, and that? Ooo, that flared something competitive in the fellow reptile.

“Vector the Crocodile, of the Chaotix Detective Agency – here with Espio the Chameleon and Charmy Bee.”

Gavelle queried forward. “A child?”

“Moral support, your honour.” Espio answered. The true answer of ‘no babysitter’ was left unsaid.

“Okay. I’ve had weirder occurrences. And your lawyer?”

“We’ll be defending ourselves, your honour.” Vector proudly stated, to the instant murmurs and rhubarbs from the audience. Iguana Prosecutor - he blanked on her name - pulled her lip back into her mouth, making a grand show out of not guffawing.

Gavelle raised a hand, demanding quiet; something she received immediately. “I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.”

“Yeah, yeah, the man who defends himself is a fool-”

“A true sentiment.” Espio interjected.

“But, I can prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Espio and I are one hundred percent innocent!”

His declaration rang out, proudly, to absolute dead silence. Vector persisted, finger pointing up to the skylight. The sweat peeling down his spine, the guy with the minor cough over in the gallery, the jury focusing on their knees and toes, knees and toes; he became acutely aware of it all.

The judge pursed her lips, pausing for anything extra. There… wasn’t, so she shuffled her papers and moved on without much fanfare, leaving Vector to perspire.

“You’ve been accused of one count felony burglary, one count felony grand larceny and one count of misdemeanour trespassing, carrying up to five years in prison. How do you plead?”

“Guilty.”

Smack.

“Not Guilty, your honour.”

“The court accepts the plea of Guilty Not Guilty.”

March 5, 10:07 AM – Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

“Your Honour, the case is very simple. The local Chao Garden, Verdant Foliage Island, was robbed of all their Chao toys.” Iguana Prosecutor began, her opening statement succinct, to the point. “Vector the Crocodile was caught on camera at 20:02, meeting with Espio the Chameleon, who’d vaulted the fence. The conclusion being: the only people who had the means and opportunity to rob the Chao Garden of their squeaky balls and cute teddy bears - was the accused.”

She plopped herself down at her desk, fully satisfied. The jury whispered amongst themselves. Gavelle nodded.

“Thank you very much, Prosecutor Ridgepool. Defence?”

Vector rolled his tongue in his mouth and took a deep breath. Inscrutable truth was about to be laid bare for the world to see.

“I forgot my wallet, the doors locked at 20:00, so I gave Espio a boost over the fence so he could grab it.”

“So, you’re admitting the trespassing charge applies to Mr. Espio?”

Espio groaned. “Thank you, Vector.”

The crocodile thrust a finger out. “No! You see, Espio works volunteer night shifts at the Chao Garden. He can’t trespass, he’s… what’d ya call it? A known quantity.”

Gavelle didn’t seem convinced. “It stands to reason he’s got a key card, then?”

“Yes, he does.”

“Where was it?”

“In my wallet.”

Vector let that revelation simmer for a moment. The trick was to remain certain in the face of adversity. It’s just that the face of adversity never bites, if Gavelle’s string-thin lips were to be believed.

“Why was Espio’s key card in your wallet?”

“Ah-ha!” The crocodile detective snapped his fingers. Immediately, Charmy flew up to dump a heavy binder filled with ‘evidence’. Giving a thumbs up, the young bee stuck his tongue out and massaged his throbbing muscles. “I would like to draw the court’s attention to Exhibit G!”

He presented, with great gusto, a framed portrait of Espio, clad in his traditional shinobi gear.

Gavelle buffered for a moment, mouth agape. “Elaborate?”

“When the hell could you have taken that?” Espio side-barred with his co-council.

Vector ignored the quip and strutted out to the courtroom floor, straightening his jacket with a fine collar pop. “Examine this picture of Espio. Note the gloves and shoes. Note the rest of his clothes.”

“With the nicest will in the world, he’s dressed as a male anthropomorph is usually inclined to.” Gavelle answered.

“Which is to say, your honour?”

Gavelle hesitated for a moment, briefly. Ultimately, she quashed them for succinctacy’s sake. “No clothes at all.”

Vector clapped his hand; shot an index at the court stenographer. She shrunk into her collar, a meek looking canine, minty green in colour. He didn’t know why he noted her name badge, ‘Nemgai’, but it struck him nonetheless. “May the record show that your honour has identified the fact that Espio is, usually, butt naked.”

“Objection.” Ridgepool stood up. “Relevance?”

The crocodile spun on his shiny loafers. “Tell me, counsellor. Point out on the graph where Espio can store a key card!”

A gasp rippled across the gallery. Vector nodded, a point well made. Take that! 

Ridgepool hummed for a moment. “I can think of… one place.”

“Absolutely not.” Espio shut that idea down tout de suite.

“Therefore,” Vector continued on, unimpeded. “Espio had no other option but to jump the fence and retrieve my wallet. And - may I remind the court - he was barely in there for a minute. Not enough time to steal an entire Chao playbox.”

If he had a theme song, it’d be blaring right now.

Gavelle knocked her… gavel. Bap. Bap. Bap.

“I don’t see how this changes anything?” She said, plainly.

“It proves my story is true.” Vector responded.

“No. It proves that Espio can’t hold a key card. Did he even find your wallet?”

Everyone turned to Espio. Espio turned to his back, only checking to make sure some scary monster hadn’t spawned in, and if he’d been too slow on the uptake. Nope, everyone was staring at him.

“Uh. He lost it pretty good.”

Gavelle sighed into her palm. “In which case, your co-councillor has just put your rear end under intense scrutiny for no reason.”

Espio nodded. “Yes, your honour. I’m acutely aware.”

March 5, 10:17 AM – Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

“Ms. Rose, thank you very much for your time.”

Ridgepool had moved her case along, speedily, calling her first witness to the stand.

Did Vector anticipate it to be Amy Rose? Not really… and apparently not even Amy herself. The pink hedgehog looked incredibly confused.

“It’s no bother, really. But why am I here?”

Ridgepool rested a scaly hand on the wooden surface, a bit too close to Amy’s to be appropriate. The prosecutor’s sense of personal space could only be described as oppressive.

“You’re a regular visitor to Verdant Foliage Island, correct Ms. Rose?”

“Yes, I take a younger friend of mine and her Chao to the garden to play.”

A smirk split Ridgepool’s lips. Her eyes, a cynical, vivid red, lit up. “May you identify these friends Ms. Rose?”

Amy shuffled a smidge away in her seat. “Cream the Rabbit and Cheese.”

Vector wore his grim expression, pretending to be in intense concentration, but really he was really focusing on the hum of the air conditioning unit. It was strangely hypnotic, watching the blades of the fan go around and around and around and around-

“Vector, object.” Espio ruined the fantasy.

“OBJECTION!” Vector shoved his fist out, fire and brimstone crackling (metaphorically) around his forearm.

Amy’s testimony halted in its tracks. Gavelle craned upwards to get a better view of Vector.

“What are you objecting to, defense?”

“I haven’t got a clue, Espio just told me to.”

“Relevance.” The chameleon snarled.

“Relevance! Relevance, your honour. What does Cream and Cheese have to do with this case?”

“If you would let me continue, I can answer that query.” Ridgepool tapped the back of her documents.

“Objection overruled, the prosecution can continue this line of questioning.” Gavelle ushered for the iguana to proceed.

Ridgepool redid the lower buttons of her blazer, flashing a wink at Vector. He was cold-blooded, but his veins could boil at the sheer smugness and audacity of this bi-

“Amy Rose, do you consider yourself an expert in the field of romance?”

The hedgehog smoothed her dress out. “An expert? Ma’am, I’m a pioneer!”

“Oh, so, you’ll be able to tell me who the accused is head over heels for?”

“Which one? Espio is gaga for Knuckles.” She fanned her quills. “He said that Knuckles’s chest is like the best kind of brick wall.”

The chameleon collapsed onto his desk, steam hissing off his scales.

“I was referring to Vector the Crocodile.” Ridgepool lazily gestured with her thumb.

“Vector loves Vanilla - like… a lot! As in, favourited contact at the top of his phone book. As in, flowers every Monday, Thursday and on interchanging Sundays of each month. As in-”

“The defense waves any further examples.” Vector growled. He stared daggers into Amy. Daggers!

“Ms Amy Rose, can you inform the court of the biological relations between your friend Cream the Rabbit, and Vanilla the Rabbit?”

Amy shrugged. “Mother and daughter.”

“And it stands to reason that Vector would do anything to gain Ms Vanilla’s approval?”

Vector wanted to stand up and object, but that’d be spurious. Because… yeah, he’d crawl to the equator and back again, with only a singular bottle of cherryade (the worst flavour) to make it through the desert - no climbing tools for the mountains, no inflatable rubber ducky dinghies for the ocean, around the world in eighty days on his lonesome… for Vanilla.

“Ms. Rose, can you identify this picture?”

Amy narrowed her eyes and studied the article in Ridgepool’s grasp. “That’s Vanilla’s front room.”

“More specifically?” She circled a conspicuous object in the background.

“That’s the pile of Cheese’s Chao toys.”

Ridgepool swept her arms out to the jury. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution posits that Vector the Crocodile, with the help of his lame sidekick Espio, stole the Chao toys to gift them to his mistress’s Chao loving daughter!”

The jury nodded amongst themselves. A compelling argument. Vector knew he could poke lots of holes in it, such as ‘in that case why didn’t they find the Chao toys at Vanilla’s’, or ‘that’s dumb, that’s really dumb, that’s the biggest stretch imaginable and I know Tangle the Lemur’. Instead, Vector shot for the tried and true.

“Defense may cross-examine the witness.”

Vector rolled his shoulders in his slightly too small suit jacket, he could feel the threads starting to pop but he ignored them because he was a gentleman and a scholar.

“I have only one question for Ms. Rose.” He withdrew a photograph, and stood at least a metre away from the pink hedgehog under oath. “Who is in this picture?”

Amy took a couple of seconds to analyse, before her face lit up. “That’s my darling Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog! I’d recognise him anywhere!”

Bingo.

“Would the witness be surprised to learn that this is, in fact, a picture of Shadow the Hedgehog?”

Amy deflated… “What?”

Ridgepool, Vector’s hemorrhoid, came barreling back in. “Objection.”

“Overuled.” Gavelle shooed the iguana away. “Explain yourself, defence.”

Vector glinted his shiny teeth. “On many occasions, Ms. Rose has mistaken Sonic - blue, lithe, for Shadow - black and red, miserable, or even Silver - white, fluffy, has friggin’ bioluminescence on his hands!”

“What’s your point, councillor?”

Cracking his knuckles, Vector swooped in for the kill. “That Ms. Rose has such bad vision, that her entire basis in which she processes her sense of sight is thrown into doubt! How can we trust the testimony of a hedgehog who cannot empirically tell the difference between blue, black and white?! All her knowledge is filtered through the lens of her blurred, seemingly inconceivably confusing manner of sight. Her reality is fundamentally a fictional one, a solipsistic viewpoint that can only be met with a swift dismissal.”

Amy’s cheek fur had taken on a red hue. She dug her nails into the edge of the witness stand. Vector could feel the temperature of the room rising higher and higher, that he was one prod away from a swift and merciless death.

Gavelle stretched her hand down her face, fatigued. “That is a very roundabout way of saying the witness is unreliable.”

The crocodile folded his arms, a couple more seams ripping loose. “And, your honour? What is your position?”

The human woman threw her hands up, completely at loss. “I’m not debating the philosophy of metaphysical idealism in this courtroom. The witness is excused.”

Amy strolled past Vector, escorted by the bailiff. She appeared the picture of prim and properness, holding incredible dignity despite being completely annihilated on the stand. However, she stopped next to the taller reptile, and gestured to him to bend down to her level so the court reporter may not hear.

“You. Me. Outside in the parking lot. Got it?”

Vector winced through gritted teeth.

March 5, 10:39 AM - Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

“Defence, Prosecution,” Gavelle beckoned with a slender curl. “A moment.”

Approaching the judge shouldn’t have been a terrifying ordeal - but Gavelle had an aura of dignity to her that melted Vector’s knees into goo. Her perfume was also quite pungent, stinking of lavender rolled in that ambiguous oceanic smell that can only be described as ‘blue’.

“Proscutor Ridgepool,” She began. “Where exactly is your case going?”

“It’s coming together, your honour.” Ridgepool snickered. “I’m painting a picture. It takes time.”

“Are you? Right now, your picture appears to be a Picasso.”

That shut Ridgepool’s smarmy mouth up.

“As for you, Defense,” Gavelle turned to Vector. “Let’s try to keep our counter-arguments on the level, hm? Because, this; this chicanery?” She helicoptered her pinky around in a circle. “You’re not turning my courtroom into a circus. Understood?”

Vector nodded. “Of course, your honour. No more chicanery.”

March 5, 10:42 AM - Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

Vector, instead, readied his bombshell witness.

“Defense calls, the Princess Imperial, Blaze the Cat to the stand!”

“She’s in another dimension.”

“Moving on!”

March 5, 10:44 AM - Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

“So, jury, you’re probably wondering: ‘Hm, where are these stolen Chao toys, then?’” Ridgepool's tail trailed along the jury, pulling a unique gesture for each one. Her people skills were immaculate. “Which is where my expert witness comes in.”

Rouge the Bat had her heels kicked up on the stand and blew a kiss to a lucky jurist. She swept her gaze across the room, sultrily waving at Vector and rolling a lip. The crocodile just ignored her. Rouge was way too obvious to be interesting to a detective.

The bailiff raised his hands, the bat followed.

“Rouge the Bat, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

“No.”

A couple of seconds passed. Rouge didn’t blink, didn’t flinch, didn’t raise her eyelids beyond a half-interested lilt.

“No?”

“No.”

A cricket chirped.

“...Alright, then.” Dropping his hand, the bailiff gave up.

Ridgepool tutted at the officer, but strided forward anyway. “Rouge, you’re a thief, correct?”

Rouge waited a moment more before answering. “Leading question.”

“Answer it.”

“Officially, I’m an Intelligence and Recon Officer for the Guardian Units of Nations.” Rouge said, resting her chin on the back of her hand. “Anything else you’ve heard is rumour and hearsay.”

“Yes, we’re aware of your status as a government agent, which means what you say is privileged. We cannot prosecute you for anything you may mention in this courtroom.”

It was like Rouge switched on a dime. “Oh, why didn’t you say so~? Yes, I have a streak of kleptomania, which I’m working very hard on.”

Espio snorted to himself. That unsettled Vector. Espio? Laughing? They were truly in dire straights.

“Where were you around 21:00, the night after the incident.”

Rouge flicked a wink over to Vector. “I was in the attic of the Chaotix Detective Agency.”

Vector jumped up without intending to, his anger spilling over. “Rouge!? You two-timing, double-dealing, morally bankrupt-”

BANG. BANG. BANG.

“Sit down, Defence!” Gavelle shouted. “Or I’ll hold you in contempt!”

“B-but, but b-but,” Vector whined like a certain bee would. “She did exactly what you’re accusing me of!”

Rouge rose up with a flap of her wings. “Charmy, darling, cover your ears.”

Charmy slapped two fuzzy hands to the side of his head.

“Vector, I’m going to let you in on a lil’ secret. Most of the government is a teensy bit corrupt.”

“Say sike right now.” Vector deadpanned, flopping back down into his seat.

Ridgepool sneered at the crocodile, continuing her cross-examination without taking her eyes off him. “What did you find?”

“I was up there in an official capacity.” Rouge trilled out, breathily. “Looking through their files so I might find a lead on where those beautiful, shining, deeeelightful Chaos Emeralds might be.” She shuddered. “Instead, I found a sack of stolen Chao toys.”

“WHAT?”

Gavelle lasered dual beams of ire onto Vector. With one hand, she coaxed him to sit - back - down. Then, she pushed her spectacles up her nose-bridge. “Go on.”

Rouge wistfully sighed like a princess picking rose petals on a balcony. “Piles upon piles of wisp toys, spilling out like some perversion of Santa Claus.”

“YOU’RE A PERVERSION OF SANTA CLAUS!” Vector screamed.

Slamming her palms on her desk, Gavelle shunted herself up and over, looming over the crocodile. “Defence. I will not tell you again! Sit down, be quiet.”

March 5, 11:02 AM - Seaside City Court, Defendant Lobby 2

“How can anything she says be taken at face value?” Vector stormed to and fro, pacing from one edge of the lobby to the other. “You can’t just… refuse to take the oath!”

“Vector, she had receipts.” Espio murmured, hunched over and tenting his hands, tail swishing in consideration. “Photographs, clear as day. The stolen goods were found in our attics.”

“Where the heck could she store a camera anyway?”

Espio twitched. “Presumably the same place I’m supposed to keep my keycard.”

Charmy sipped a fizzy drink from the can, courtesy of the vending machine. The small boy looked incredibly out of place, yet as dapper as a six year old could possibly be. “I’ve got an idea? Maybe the bad guy dumped it in there to frame us?”

Vector ceased his strolling and pivoted towards his ward. “The only access point to our attic is behind my desk, how on earth could they haul a bunch of Chao toys up there without me noticing?”

“Maybe they asked the ladder very nicely?” Charmy proffered.

Espio and Vector glanced at the bee, and the ninja not-dressed-like-a-ninja slapped his forehead in exasperation. “Charmy, you’ve added nothing.”

It was detective time. Time to think through the facts and come to the logical conclusion. Vector rubbed his chin, squeezing his eyes shut as he mulled over the case. It was like prodding two blunt wires together and hoping for a spark - something to take the situation from an impossible escape room into a solvable cipher.

“Okay, walk with me here.” Vector said, whilst standing still. “Someone gained access to our attic. It’s not you two, it’s not me. I strongly doubt it’s Cream or Vanilla. Rouge managed to slip in but that woman is a Houdini with poor lumbar support so… nix her. Any suspicious clients with a sack, Espio?”

“No. Charmy was on door duty whilst you and I went on that murder mystery train.”

Vector froze…

Suddenly a lead sprung out from the muck, and Vector just had to grasp it.

March 5, 11:55 AM - Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

“Defence, your request for an extended recess was granted.” Gavelle announced, as she adjusted her robe and took a seat. “I’m aghast with anticipation over what this ‘bombshell evidence’ is.”

Vector sauntered to centre stage, spotlight on him. In his scaly grip, he presented a dusty ol’ tome to the jury. “This here is the Chaotix Detective Agency guestbook. Permission to enter it into the court record.”

Gavelle rolled her wrist. “Granted.”

“Every name in this book is somebody who has requested a consultation, and one name has suspiciously been written down whilst we were supposedly closed. Charmy Bee took their identification.”

He tapped a claw on the page. “Curiously, this person is in this very courtroom.”

The crocodile knew it was a complete bluff, but ‘you’re in too deep to wade out now’, as his mother always told him.

“Defence calls the court room stenographer, Nemgai the Jackal, to the stand!”

March 5, 12:04 AM - Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

Nemgai the Jackal beheld the most unassuming appearance. Her hair, pulled into a tight bun, threatened to explode into a truly unruly mane. She hid within her clerk outfit, plain beige with an ivory sweater, and behind her rectangular specs. The nervous energy seeping out of her pores almost sank into Vector too, via osmosis, but he stood strong - ready for his Colombo moment (he loved Colombo, to an unhealthy degree).

“Ms. Nemgai… I knew that I’d seen your name before.”

Nemgai wiggled into the seat. “Who’s… who’s doing my job?”

Charmy waved from behind the typewriter. That couldn’t be legal.

Nemgai winced. “Does he have the listening comprehension to… keep up?”

“Nope!” The bee happily sang, slapping his fingers into the keyboard. Vector sidled up to the jackal, leaning against the stand like a cool dude would be inclined to do.

“What brought you to my detective agency, the day after the robbery?”

“I was serving your bench warrant.” Nemgai explained.

“A bench warrant for a crime that hadn’t been reported yet?”

“No, you were due to testify in the garden gnome turf dispute, remember?”

Oh yeah… what a case that turned out to be. Basically, the plaintiff proposed that the garden gnome known as ‘Smoot’ encroached upon her private property. To make a point, a drive-by garden gnome smashing was committed, tied back to the notorious garden gnome gang ‘The Pips’. ‘The Muds’ retaliated, transforming a quiet neighbourhood into a war zone-

“Mr. Vector, is this really relevant information?” Gavelle asked, chin squidged in her exhausted palm. It’d only been two hours.

The crocodile stopped, and checked back with Espio. The chameleon’s eyes were bulging out of his skull, chopping at his neck to say ‘SHUT UP’.

…He was speaking aloud again, wasn’t he?

“Let’s circle around.” Vector announced. “You don’t deny you were at the Chaotix Detective Agency. Alone. With Charmy.”

“Like I said, I only dropped off the paperwork. As my job demands.”

“Charmy, do you concur?”

Charmy looked up after pressing a couple more random buttons. The typewriter dinged, Nemgai’s eye twitched. “I made her sign in. Then my pop-tarts were ready, so I went to go get those.”

“Do you hear that, ladies and gentlemen of the jury?” Vector swept an triumphant arm out. “For a period of ten minutes, because that’s how long it takes for Charmy to butter a pop-tart, Nemgai had full reign of our headquarters.”

“Objection!” Ridgepool shouted. “Why did you leave a six year old to run your office?!”

“Sustained.” Gavelle concurred. “Defence, what the hell?”

“Objection!” Vector retorted. “Irrelevant.”

“You can’t object an objection.”

“Overruled.” Vector slipped on the sunglasses that he hid in his pocket. The gallery gasped - he’d just objected an objection… and got away with it.

“Now, usually, this would mean nothing.” Vector continued. “But Ms Nemgai has a vested interest in taking me down.”

Nemgai remained silent.

“Because…” Vector glinted his teeth. “We’ve met before, haven’t we, Megani?”

A sudden hush overcame the courtroom, like the tug of a parachute.

“Or should I say…”

“Shut up.” Nemgai hissed, before beckoning him closer. Vector obliged, bending over to her mouth. “I’m working an angle, you big lummock. Don’t blow my cover.”

“Was it you?” Vector snarled. “Did you frame us?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“Defense, stop whispering with the witness.” Gavelle ordered.

Nemgai tilted her glasses down, exposing dark, sinister bags - daring him to make the move.

So, he did.

“Addressing the courtroom: bear witness!” He theatrically yelled. “That Nemgai is no courtroom stenographer. She is, in fact-”

“VECTOR!”

“Enigma the Jackal, world famous thief and arch enemy of The Chaotix Detective Agency!”

Enigma sprung up, growling. Her glasses clattered to the floor, revealing her intense, pinpricked eyes for all to see. “Oh yeah? What’s your evidence for that?”

“Nemgai is an anagram for Enigma.” Vector tapped his nose. “Quite elementary, really?”

“Is that it?!” Ridgepool interjected.

“I agree, Defence. Wild accusations are the refuge of the guilty.” Gavelle said.

“But there is just one more thing.” Vector grinned. Espio tutted under his breath. “For there is a dastardly smart reason as to why I placed Charmy on the typewriter.”

Enigma’s wrinkled muzzle slowly melted into a picture of pure terror - of ‘oh crap’, of panic.

Vector pointed a finger at his young ward. “Charmy, if you would be so kind as to reveal what’s underneath the table.

Charmy saluted, and rooted around underneath. Vector spotted the jackal eyeing up her various exits - window, doors, perhaps the ceiling.

“Here it is!” The bee giggled. “A family sized packet of wine gums.”

Eagerly spinning, Charmy slapped the sinful glut of pre-proceed sugar onto the surface. Little sweeties spilled out - orange, lemon, even strawberry. But somebody had eaten every single blackcurrant flavoured candy.

Gavelle’s brow furrowed. “Wait a second. Those are mine.”

Vector pulled a hand down his snout. “And… Charmy?”

Charmy rummaged again. “Oh, also this calling card with Enigma’s logo on it.” He whipped out a fancy black and gold rectangle, with an Egyptian eye embroidered across it. “Would you like me to read the reverse?”

“No.” Enigma whined.

“Yes, please!” Vector cut down the jackal.

“It says - ‘Enigma, Freelance Thieving Services. Currently undercover as Nemgai the Courtroom Stenographer. Like, I can’t believe they actually hired me, I’ve got no experience! LOL - these guys are so stupid. So so so stupid. Not me though, I’m super smart and good at my job, so hire me. Please hire me, I’m getting kinda desperate. I’m doing the court work for the money when I’d rather be heisting. So, yeah. #Looking4Cash. Signed, Enigma the Jackal.”

Enigma’s ears pressed against her forehead shamefully. “My… clients like the casual touch.”

“I’ll say.” Gavelle scoffed.

“There’s also a kopesh-”

“Thanks Charmy, I think we’ve made our point.” Vector folded his arms. “Just admit it, ‘master thief’. You stole the Chao toys, you planted them in our office, you are the true culprit.”

Ridgepool feebly raised a hand. “Evidence? This is all circumstantial conjecture!”

“No point lying any longer!” Vector ignored the iguana, pressing his full weight into Engima’s chest. “IT WAS YOU!”

Enigma slouched deeper and deeper into the chair.

Vector hummed quietly. “Duuuuh, dunna duuuun… derda do da derda do da doo dooo…”

“What… what are you-”

“Ssh, be quiet. This is my pursuit theme. Doo, doo dooo, dunna doo - deeee -  do-”

Enigma raised her hands in surrender. “Oh, screw that. Yeah, it was me! It was me. But you get it right? This guy is so friggin’ annoying!”

“I get it.” Gavelle sagely nodded. “Oh, how I get it. But my sympathy is not enough to save you. Bailifs! Seize her!”

Breaking free of Vector’s grip, Enigma somersaulted onto the floor. She only stumbled a tiny bit on the landing.

“Bask in my deception!” She flourished, ripping her hair out of its bun. “Try as you might, you shan't catch me! For I am Master Thief, Enigma the Jackal!” With a spin, she tugged a smoke bomb from her pocket and punted it into the floor. Purple gas spewed out of the impact zone, enveloping the green woman in its obscuring embrace.

Seconds later, Vector saw her scurry out the fire escape with her tail between her legs.

March 5, 12:26 AM - Seaside City Court, Courtroom 4

Gavelle rapped her fingernails along her desk, or picked lint of her judge’s robe.

Ridgepool was off to the side, murmuring with the mouse bailiff. Vector couldn’t make out much of what she was saying, but suffice to infer it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows. Lots of jabbing fingers prodding into chests - a ruffled up cravat.

“Prosecutor Ridgepool. An update?” Gavelle sighed, twirling her hammer in her lithely grip.

Ridgepool smoothed out her skirt. The pomp and arrogance had gradually circled the drain for the past fifteen minutes, leaving behind a very defeated iguana. “We lost her.”

The expected answer. The human woman tutted once, decisively. “I see. Well, I don’t see why we hold off on the festivities. Foreman, your verdict?”

The foreman stood up, a portly bear fellow, jolly and mirthful. He had good news, Vector just knew. 

“We do, your honour. We, the jury, find Vector the Crocodile and Espio the Chameleon, on the charges of grand larceny and burglary… Not Guilty!”

Vector roared in jubilation, scooping up Charmy into a boisterous hug. The gallery erupted in cheers, a party popper burst above them. Someone switched on a boombox, Vector’s secret plant blasting victory music throughout the courtroom.

“Yippee!” Charmy squealed. “We’re free bees! Free bees! Free bees!"

Espio swept the confetti off his horn. No jubilation could be found in the ninja.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Vector howled, pulling off an Adonis pose, rubbing it in Ridgepool’s stupid, smug-

BANG, BANG, BANG!

“DEFENCE, SHUT UP!” Gavelle finally snapped. “Just. Stop. Shut up, damn it, I can’t do this anymore. Foreman, finish your verdict.”

Vector blinked. “Finish?.”

The foreman cleared his throat. “Ahem. Yes. On the count of trespassing, we found Espio the Chameleon guilty.”

Another party popper exploded behind them. Flaccidly.

“Well, shoot.” Vector whistled. “Tough luck, bro.”

Espio said nothing. Instead, he stood up to approach the bench. Not with the intent to slice and dice like he usually was employed to. Moreso, he looked like he wanted to get it all over and done with.

“Is it a fine?”

“Yes, it’s a fine.” Gavelle answered. They both spoke a common language - ‘I do not care anymore’. Vector found it beautiful. He shipped it.

“Okay.” Espio whipped out his wallet and parsed out some bills, and slapped it onto the table. “Are we done here?”

Gavelle took a swig of whisky from the bottle she kept hidden in her robes. She breathed out and let the buzz whelm her scattered nerves. Next, the money was dragged away, accepted. With that?

Bang.

“Court adjourned.”

The hubbub of the courtroom took over, leaving Charmy to ask one important question to his crocodilian caretaker.

“Wait, where did he keep his wallet?”

Vector felt a cold wash of realisation drape his scales. Perhaps…

Perhaps he wasn’t bluffing after all.