Work Text:
I adored you so. If only you'd been around to hear me say it.
When you left, I could barely breathe once it sunk in. Just how much did I not notice until it was too late?
You were everything to me. I see it now. But I've realized too late just how much you meant to me.
Life is nothing but an endless loop, it seems. The people I love either die or leave me. You left. She left. Everyone left.
And then I left.
I know you're alive. I hope you didn't get to experience just how cold being away is. It was so cold that I felt like I was overheating when I came back. You don't deserve that. You don't deserve anything less than the best. You've been through enough. I hope you can forgive me for my absence.
I've been eating the food I know you liked. I just want to know how you'd taste. Maybe it's a little delusional. I've also been hanging around places where people smoke. It almost smells like you. But your scent was warmer. Kinder. It didn't suffocate me like the cigarettes do. I wish that I could be with you again.
Your face is getting blurry now. I wish I knew where you are. I want to see you again. I want to run my hands through your curls and kiss you until I finally have your taste cemented in my mind. My dreams are hardly enough. You don't look like yourself there. I don't even remember what your humor was like. It scares me. I don't want to forget you.
If we were normal teenagers, I would have loved to take you to the movies. We would sit together and laugh together and eat popcorn together. And then we'd leave to do more with each other. I'm not sure what. You would know.
Sometimes, the only thing I can remember is your warmth. I got a box of matches to mimick it. It's not enough. It'll never be enough. I burnt myself with one last night. The pain reminded me that I'm alive. I'm sure you'd have plenty to say about that.
Please come back. I miss you. I'm all but tearing myself apart without you.
You're everywhere in my dreams. I wish I'd gotten the chance to tell you.
I've loved you since the moment I saw you. I didn't realize it until you were gone. You with your messy hair, your sense of humor, your bitten nails, your smile. Your smile was wonderful. Your voice was like heaven. Your laugh was divine.
I'd give anything to see you again. It's so empty. I'm sorry for leaving. I want to go back. I wish I'd realized my feelings and told you how I felt before it was too late.
I bought roses with what little money I have. They're a lovely shade of red. Bright and alive. I tore them apart when I remembered that I can't give them to you. I'm sure you'd love their color.
My blood is a red you would like too, if it were anything but my blood. Seeing it drip off of the knife, just as alive as the roses once were is an experience I have committed to memory.
I'm so sorry for the things I've done. For leaving you, for making you feel insignificant next to me, for everything. You don't deserve it.
You deserve something better than what I can give you.
I would gladly rip out my beating heart for you.
Please don't feel obligated to do the same. I don't deserve it. I deserve nothing but your hatred.
I would let you dismember me. If I could repent for my sins, that is how I would do it. I would lay down with my belly up as you drove a knife into my gut, seeing that lovely red spurt out as my organs were torn out. I would give you my entire body. You could do whatever you want with it. My body and soul are yours to command. I am but a doll, something meant to be controlled, torn apart, and thrown away.
You would probably do anything but that. You would fix me, wouldn't you? You would say something stupid that would go in one ear and out the other as you sew up my still-bleeding wounds, old and new.
You're too kind to me. Please, stop treating me like that. You have no need to show me a world I can never have.
I wish I could heal you. If only I lived up to my name. I wish I could sacrifice my body and soul to sew up your wounds and whisper things that would stay between the two of us.
You would laugh at me if I said that in person. Or maybe your brow would furrow and you'd say something discouraging it that I wouldn't fully listen to.
I'm so tired. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to float away until I see you past the horizon. You'd look angelic. Your eyes would shine in the sunlight as I'm cast away into the darkness.
I hope you don't miss me. I hope you're having the time of your life without me. You and Piper deserve better than what I gave you.
I miss you. I want you back. But please, leave me forever. Punish me for my sins. Wrap the rope around my neck and strangle me until I die.
I don't deserve to even breathe the same air as you.
I want you so badly. Don't come back. Please live with the people you love. Please abandon me. Forget me.
Leo… please, do anything but love me back.