Chapter Text
Ilya raced through the hospital corridors, searching for the elevator he had been told to use by the receptionist. He hoped he was going the right way, but when he was stressed out, English was harder, and her directions had been complicated. He thought that at least it didn’t matter who saw him frantically trying to find his husband. Hiding had been in the back of his mind for so long that now, even in this situation, he couldn’t forget about it. Finally, he found the small waiting room, mercifully empty except for Shane’s parents huddled on a small couch. Yuna was crying, and David was holding her, but they both looked up with grateful faces as Ilya approached and sat in a chair across from them.
“Is he okay? Tell me what is happening,” Ilya asked, trying to use a kinder voice than he might have otherwise because he cared so much about Shane’s parents.
“Ilya, it’s not good right now,” Yuna said. “He…” her voice caught, and she turned her face to David’s chest, crying. Ilya had never seen her so upset before.
David took a breath and spoke while he held his wife. “He was stabbed outside a bar. Hayden called 911. While they were waiting for the ambulance, he had a seizure. They brought him here to the ER, and he’s in surgery. Now we are just waiting for him to get out of surgery to see how he will do.”
Ilya was frozen. It was true then. What Hayden had said on the phone about Shane was true. This was really happening. Tears were running down Yuna’s cheeks. Ilya looked at David. They were very close, and now they could almost have a conversation without speaking. Ilya reached for Yuna’s hand and squeezed.
They waited for a few miserable hours. Ilya called their regular dog walker, who agreed to get Anya to the dog hotel where she stayed when they had road games. He then called their agent and then their coach, who, thankfully, assured him that they would give him the time he needed to stay with his husband through this. That was more than Ilya expected, considering that it meant the Centaurs were losing their two best players for an indefinite amount of time.
Finally, Shane’s surgeon came and took them to a smaller room to give them an update. As she sat down, she said, ‘He did well.” Yuna took Ilya’s hand as the surgeon continued. “The knife went in through his lower back and hit one of his kidneys, but we were able to save it. The seizure was likely due to blood loss, so he may be confused for a while, but we don’t think there will be any permanent issues. He’s in the recovery room now. Are you Ilya?” she looked at him.
“Yes,” he said.
“He’s been asking for you. As soon as we get him into a room, you all can go and see him.”
Ilya squeezed Yuna’s hand and tried to keep his emotions off his face. His mind was in a million places. He tried to bring his thoughts around to one thing - he was about to see the love of his life deeply broken, but he knew how to be strong. He would be, for Yuna and David, and for Shane. He cared very deeply about his family. Shane’s parents had made it clear that they thought of him as their son, and he wanted to protect them in any way he could.
The three of them made their way toward the room number they’d been given. There was a nurse’s station just outside, and a young woman in scrubs looked up at them as they approached.
“Are you Shane Hollander’s family?” she asked. “Yes,” Yuna replied. The woman came around the desk. “They just brought him down. I have to warn you, he was very confused and agitated, and he doesn't want anyone to touch him. Hopefully that will improve now that you’re here. He’ll probably be asleep for a while from all the meds he’s on. You can go on in, it’s the last one on the left.”
Ilya steeled himself and led the way. The door was closed but not latched. He pushed it open to see that it was dark inside. He could hear monitors beeping, and then he saw Shane. Other than being in a hospital gown and covered in wires and tubes, he could have been sleeping.
Ilya walked over to Shane’s bed. Shane’s hands were both clenched in tight fists. Ilya pulled Shane’s fingers open and held his hand in his. He didn’t know what else to do, and seeing Shane this way was overwhelming him. Shane let out a painful whimper but didn’t open his eyes. Ilya reached for a chair near the bed, pulling it closer to sit, not letting go of Shane.
Yuna and David sat in chairs on Shane’s other side. They sat quietly for a bit, staring at him while he slept.
Ilya broke the silence. “This is… my fault,” he said. Yuna and David looked up at him.
“Ilya, honey, you weren’t even there,” Yuna said.
“I left him at the bar,” Ilya said. “I left early to take care of Anya. Hayden was there since we played Montreal, and I told Shane to stay so he could spend time with his friend.”
“Shane’s an adult. He’s a professional hockey player. You left your perfectly capable husband at a bar. There’s no way you could have known this would happen. Don’t even start to let yourself feel guilty about this.”
“She’s right,” they all turned to the voice coming from the doorway. Hayden came in. He sat down on the foot of Shane’s bed, gently resting his hand on Shane’s foot over the blankets. “This isn’t your fault, Rozanov, I was there.”
Ilya stared into Pike’s eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh. “Can we find some coffee?” Ilya asked. Hayden nodded and stood up. Ilya gave Shane’s hand a kiss and placed it gently back on the bed, and he followed Pike out of the room.
They managed to find a coffee stand, and after they got drinks, they found some vinyl chairs against a wall.
“How much detail do you want?” Hayden said.
“I need everything,” Ilya said.
****
“It’s fine, Shane, I’ll go take care of her. Do you want me to leave the car for you?” Ilya said, holding Shane by the hips and giving him a chaste kiss on each cheek. Shane was gripping Ilya with his thumbs under his belt loops. The bar noise around them was loud, but they were holding each other close.
“No, it’s fine. I might actually have a drink. Hayden and I can share an Uber.”
“Okay, sweetheart. Kiss me when you get in bed, okay?”
“Mmm, is that all you want?” And Shane kissed him slowly, sweetly, and deeply.
“Oh, we will see,” Ilya said. Then he patted Shane’s butt and left the bar. Shane watched him leave.
“You guys are too much,” Hayden said, approaching with two fresh beers and handing one to Shane. He was smiling, though.
“Yup,” Shane replied. “Let’s go find the rest of the guys. Have you met everyone?” Shane said.
The Centaurs had overtaken a private room in the back of a bar not far from the stadium where Ottawa had just trounced Montreal. Shane was really proud to be friends with someone like Hayden, who would still come and hang out with him and his new team even after losing on the ice. Not every guy in the league would be up for that. There was a large group tonight. The room was full of players Shane knew and lots of friends and family. Shane had also loosened up enough this season that he was willing to have a couple of beers. He felt a pleasant buzz as he wandered away from the group and over to the restrooms. He was washing his hands when a man he vaguely recognized as having been in the Centaurs’ party walked in.
“Hey,” the man said with a nod. Shane saw him in the mirror in front of him and nodded. He was tall and built like an athlete. His flannel shirt stretched over strong arms. He had dark hair and a beard that made him look kind of like a lumberjack. The man didn’t make a move to use the restroom, but instead he leaned against the wall, blocking the door and looking at Shane. Shane vaguely wondered who he was here with.
Shane finished washing his hands and reached for a paper towel, glancing awkwardly at the man who wasn’t moving. “Can I help you with something?”
The man smiled at him slowly. “Maybe?” He crossed his arms.
Shane knew he was dumb in social situations, but he wasn’t that dumb. He was pretty sure he was being cruised right now. He froze a little. He didn’t want to offend this person, but he really wanted to get out of this restroom. He felt extremely uncomfortable. His mind raced, trying to think of what to say that would get him out of here without offending this guy.
“I should… um, I should get back to the guys,” Shane gestured at the door, hoping this person would take the hint that he should move out of the way. But he didn’t seem to be budging.
"I’m Josh,” the man said, and stuck out his hand. Shane took it without thinking and shook it.
“Shane,” he replied, wishing he could turn off the part of himself that had to be polite in every situation.
“I know who you are, Shane Hollander. Everybody here does. Any chance you’d wanna go somewhere a little quieter? Maybe get another beer?”
“I um, I’m sorry but I, I really need to get back,” Shane said. He looked at the man’s eyes and saw they were very red. Drugs maybe? Shane wasn’t really familiar with this kind of thing.
“You sure about that?” Josh said, and he put his hand out to touch Shane’s cheek. Shane’s politeness left him, and his hand snapped up, grabbing Josh’s wrist quickly and with strength.
“Yes,” Shane said through gritted teeth. “Let me by.”
“Okay, Shane Hollander, you do that,” Josh said, finally moving aside. Shane let go of his arm and squeezed past him and practically ran back to the party. As he chatted with Hayden and some of the other players, he kept scanning the private room for Josh to reappear.
“Everything okay, man?” Hayden broke through Shane’s thoughts.
“Yeah, just some creepy guy in the bathroom. Just keeping an eye out,” Shane replied.
“Ew. That sucks, man,” Hayden said. They both had had many encounters with odd fans over the years. Shane tried to forget about it and drank another beer.
An hour later, they were on the sidewalk at the corner of the building waiting for an Uber. Hayden was telling Shane a story about his daughters that had Shane almost doubling over with laughter. Hayden looked over Shane’s shoulder at something. Shane felt a hand on his shoulder and then, suddenly, extreme pain in his lower back. Shane looked at Hayden. Something was very, very wrong. Hayden’s eyes were huge.
“Hey, what the fuck, get away from him,” Hayden was saying. Someone had touched Shane, and now he was running away. Shane stumbled forward, and Hayden grabbed him by the shoulders. Shane reached for his back, where an explosion of pain was gripping him. His hand came back covered in blood. He looked back up at Hayden, and he realized he was about to lose consciousness. His legs were faltering, but Hayden was holding him under his arms. Hayden was yelling. Shane felt his whole body lose strength as Hayden lowered him to the ground. He tried to push himself up, but he couldn’t. Everything was going black, and he knew he was passing out. He was in so much pain, and he was fighting hard, but he couldn’t control his body. He felt like he was about to die, but he also felt incredibly powerless to stop it. As he began to go under completely, his thoughts came in single words. Dying. Now. Ilya. Me. Dying.
“Shane, Shane, do you know where you are?” Someone was shining a light in his eye. He was on his back now. His back - the pain. The pain was all he could think about. “Shane can you tell me where you are?”
“Hospital,” he managed to get out. He could see tons of nurses and doctors around him. He must be in bad shape. He wanted to go back to sleep.
“My back,” he eked out.
“You were stabbed, Shane. We’re going to give you something for the pain, and then you’re going to have surgery, but you’re going to be okay.”
“Ilya,” Shane said. “Did someone call him? Please, I need him.”
“We’re calling him Shane. He’s on his way. Just relax now, we’re going to take care of you.”
“Shane, did you see the person who did this to you?” A police officer was leaning over him. The doctor was shoving him away.
“Not right now, we need to take care of him first,” she said.
Shane felt everything in his body tilting suddenly. He felt very dizzy even though he was lying on his back, and then, everything went black again.
****
“So then I called 911, and I sat there trying to put pressure on his back where he was bleeding. I talked to the police, then I came here to the hospital, and then they kicked me out when they took him up for surgery. I called Shane’s parents, I called you, and then I went home to change out of my bloody clothes and shower.” Hayden held his face in his hands. “There was so much blood, Ilya. And then he started seizing. I thought,” Hayden was tearing up. “I thought he might not make it.”
Ilya couldn’t believe he was about to comfort Hayden Pike of all people, but he reached out and gripped his shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of him.”
Hayden wiped tears away from his face. “I couldn’t tell the cops anything. I barely saw the guy. He was behind him, and it happened so fast. It was dark, and he was behind Shane, and I just, I don’t know why this happened.”
Ilya squeezed his shoulder gently. “Pike, you saved him. You kept him from falling and hitting his head, and you got him here. You are a good friend.”
After a pause, he added, “He will be okay.”
****
Ilya, Yuna, David, and Hayden had been at Shane’s side in the hospital for 4 hours when Shane began to wake. His eyes were still closed, but he was whimpering and trying to move his arms. Ilya stood up, squeezing Shane‘s hand and whispering, “Sweetheart, sweetheart. Come back, it is okay, you are safe now.”
“Ilya,” Shane said. Ilya brushed his free hand along the side of Shane’s cheek.
“I’m here, moya lyubov, you can wake up,” Ilya whispered.
Yuna and David were on the other side of the bed, and they had both stood up too. Yuna was holding Shane’s other hand.
“Hurts,” Shane said.
“I know, I know, Shane, but you need to wake up.”
Shane’s eyes fluttered open. They were unfocused and searching.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Ilya said. “You are okay now.”
As Shane’s eyes moved to his face, Shane’s hand, which he had been holding softly and giving gentle squeezes, suddenly gripped his tightly.
“Ilya, help me, help me please, I’m going to die,” Shane whimpered.
“Shh, shh,” Ilya said, caressing Shane’s face softly. Something inside him broke at seeing Shane so frightened, but he made himself stay strong. “You are safe. It’s over. You are in a hospital. Your mom and dad are here. You are safe.”
Shane’s eyes darted around the room, bouncing between his parents and Ilya. His grip on Ilya’s hand loosened again.
“My back. It hurts so much. I don’t… where’s Hayden?”
Ilya glanced down at the foot of the bed where Hayden had stood up from his chair. “Hayden is right here, Shane. He’s fine. He got you here to the hospital.”
"Shane, I'm here. You're safe, buddy," Hayden said.
Shane closed his eyes again. “Is it okay if I just sleep?”
Ilya looked at Yuna. She nodded. “Yeah, Shane, just sleep if you need to,” Ilya said.
For the next few hours, Shane moved in and out of consciousness. When he was awake, he was confused, and his eyes struggled to focus. Ilya murmured to him over and over that he was safe. Some police came by, but Hayden explained that Shane was in no shape to give a statement yet, and he agreed to call them when Shane was more conscious.
Darkness fell in the window outside Shane’s room. Hayden, Yuna, and David had gone to the cafeteria, and Ilya was resting his head on his arms on the bed next to Shane when he felt him stir. When Ilya looked at Shane’s eyes, he sighed in relief. They looked more normal and were looking at him with more recognition.
Shane was lifting his arms toward Ilya, so Ilya stood and leaned down to wrap himself around Shane. Shane kept pulling him.
“Hang on, sweetheart,” Ilya whispered, and tried to gently lower himself into the bed next to Shane without tangling in any of the tubes or cords he was connected to. Shane scooted himself away and onto his side to make room. Ilya wrapped his arms around Shane and tucked Shane’s head into his chest. He felt tears starting to fall down his cheeks, and he was grateful that Shane couldn’t see his face from this angle. He kissed the top of Shane’s head gently and petted his hair. Shane tilted his head up to look at him. Ilya smiled slightly, knowing Shane would see the tears. Shane brought his hand, IV, and tape and all, up to Ilya’s cheek to brush away the tears.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Ilya,” Shane said.
“Oh, you are comforting me now?” Ilya said, and they both laughed quietly.
A minute passed while they held each other.
“Are you back here now?” Ilya said.
“I think so,” Shane said.
“How is your pain?” Ilya asked.
“Fucking terrible,” Shane said.
After a beat, Shane said, “Did you talk to Coach?” Ilya rolled his eyes. Of course, Shane would immediately ask about hockey.
“Yes, we are okay, he understands this will take some time,” Ilya said.
Shane sighed. “We can’t let this ruin the season,” he said. “We need to call the trainers and start figuring out a recovery plan.”
“Hey, stop, okay?” Ilya said, petting Shane’s head. “You haven’t even been out of bed yet. We will get you back on ice, okay? Don’t worry.”
Shane sighed again. “I just… I need…”
“Hey, I know, sweetheart. I’m here. You’re going to be okay.”
Shane buried his face in Ilya’s chest. They stayed together, holding one another, until Shane’s parents and Hayden came back and insisted that Ilya go to get some food. He rushed through a sandwich and hurried back to Shane. At some point, the nurses wanted Shane to get up and try walking. Not only was Ilya’s beautiful, strong husband incredibly weak and barely able to stand himself up and take a few steps, but Ilya got his first look at the huge dressing on Shane’s back. He swallowed his emotions and steeled his face as he gently pulled his gown closed and tied it. He took Shane’s arm with a nurse on his other side and helped him take a lap of the hallway.
The next couple of days were spent taking turns being by Shane’s side and taking showers and fitful sleeps at home. Shane recovered quickly, and by day 2, he was basically begging the doctors to let him go home. He was restless and had already called practically every person on the Centaurs’ staff, making himself appointments with trainers and physical therapists to get back into the gym.
Meanwhile, Ilya had made himself an appointment with Galina, and he encouraged Shane to talk to the team’s therapist. Shane had actually agreed easily, saying it was probably a good idea, which pleased Ilya.
When they finally got to come home, Ilya was a little beside himself. He got Shane inside and sitting on the couch with his feet up and some hockey on the television. He brought his pain meds, water, snacks, and a phone charger. Shane reached his hand toward Ilya and said, “Hey, just sit down and chill, okay? I’m fine.” Ilya sighed and let Shane pull him down so his head was in his lap.
“I know it’s been hard, okay?” Shane said. “I’m doing fine. You don’t have to be my nursemaid.” Ilya chuckled softly at the funny American word. Shane was rubbing his hand in his curls, and Ilya let himself relax into Shane’s leg. He was doing fine. They were doing fine.
Ilya was thinking about how hard the last few days had been, and how he knew things would continue to be hard for a while. But he was thankful because Shane was alive. He allowed himself to rest, just for a moment.