Chapter Text
10.11.2022
Practice this day went smoothly. I managed to hit every goal my coach set for me. My thoughts were calm, clear. Nothing distracted me. Just full concentration. Two practices were scheduled for today: the first one was finished, the second would be later. We had to move inside, though, because the weather was unpredictable. Coaches were worried about rain, so the session was shifted to the gym.
That’s when I got a little lost. I’d never been to this part of the campus before, and for a moment, I had no idea how to get to the gym. But I didn’t let it bother me. I would manage, as always. Slowly, I felt my spark returning, that sense of being myself again. It was a great feeling like reclaiming a part of me I had lost for too long.
After first practice, I had some time to kill, so I wandered toward the nearest café for a coffee. Black, with two spoons of sugar. The place wasn’t busy, probably why I got my order quickly. The quiet murmur of conversations and the soft clinking of cups somehow felt comforting, grounding me in the present.
I did find comfort in this weather in autumn generally. The sound of rustling leaves was relaxing.I was still waiting for my summer to come but I had to survive winter first. A cup of coffee made this moment even more magical. I went for a short walk around the city just to get myself ready before my second practice.
Time passed quickly enough for me to realise I should get going. I came back to campus to actually find a way to the gym.
I was wandering around clearly lost I had no idea where I was going I looked around for any distinguishing feature of the landscape or simply any sign I was lost like super lost I didn’t even recognize these buildings why did the gym have to be so far away from the practice pitch I hated it
Finally I managed to get into the building I looked like a lost child there I was going through doors to look for anyone for information but it was probably too late to find anybody here At the end of this corridor there was a small door I went through it and saw him once again
“What are you doing here Potter do you need a map or will you find your way out” he said sassy as ever
I couldn’t answer. I forgot what I was even doing there. I was too stunned by his painting. It captured a rainy sunset in Paris. The way the sun reflected on the wet streets, every puddle glowing like liquid gold, took my breath away. At the centre of it, the Eiffel Tower stood outstanding, its presence commanding the scene, highlighting its significance against the sky. Every brushstroke was deliberate yet fluid, shadows melting into the warm lamp light. The colors were muted but alive, gray and amber dancing together, the details so precise I felt like I could step right into the scene and feel the cool rain on my skin. Somehow I could sense that day in Paris as if it were real, as if I were there. It was mesmerizing.
“Wo this painting is so beautiful” I said under my breath
“It is not in fact.” Regulus replied dryly.
I finally looked at him, not the canvas and somehow that was worse. His eyes were calmer than the painting itself and that should not be possible.
“You must be kidding. It’s literally the best thing my eyes have ever seen.” I was genuinely mesmerized by it.
“I never joke about art, Potter,” he said, a hint of seriousness in his voice.
“Don’t talk about your work like that. You should believe in what you can do.”
“Oh, I do believe in it. That’s exactly why I know this is awful.”
“Then your standards must be terrifyingly high,” I said, still staring at the canvas instead of him. “Because if this is awful, I’m honestly afraid to see what you consider good.”
“They are high.”
“Clearly. I can tell.”
After admiring his art, I finally realised what I was doing here in the first place. I hurried toward the exit, trying to find my way to the gym.
“See you around,” I called as I was leaving. I heard no response.
Eventually I did find the gym. Some random person gave me the right directions. I had been so stupid. I was looking in the wrong district. It had been near the pitch all along, just with the entrance on the other side.
I was sure this practice would be as great as the one earlier today. Well, it wasn’t. I was so focused on not thinking about Lily that I forgot not to think about Regulus. This accidental encounter made me far too aware of him. I couldn’t stop thinking about his words. How he could consider it awful. I would pay billions for that painting.
Obviously, because of my loss of concentration, I fucked up my training. Not as badly as I thought, but still. I was immaculate this morning, and now it all turned into shit play. Shit as my coping mechanisms. At least this time practice wasn’t as long as previous. Thank God.
The coach shouted something. I nodded like I understood. I didn’t. I only saw paint on fingers, dark hair falling over sharp eyes, that stupid calm tone saying “It is awful,”
Awful… Just like that.
I could grasp it, why the hell did he say that… Why did I care? Like it wouldn’t change a thing.
“Potter focus”
I lifted my head quickly. “I am”
I wasn’t.
My body was on the pitch. My mind was still in that room with him. With his painting. With his voice.
The whistle gave a sign to finish the match. Finally over. This suffering in my head. I had to get back as fast as I could to my dorm. To take a long, hot shower. I needed to chill.
Steam filled the bathroom as I let the hot water wash over me. Every muscle relaxed but my mind didn’t. I kept seeing his painting, the brush strokes, the way he tilted his head as he worked. Steam filled the bathroom as I let the hot water wash over me. Every muscle relaxed but my mind didn’t. I kept seeing his painting, the brush strokes, the way he tilted his head as he worked.
I scrubbed my hair, trying to focus on the mundane but every splash of water reminded me of his eyes, the smirk, the sassy tone. I laughed at myself for thinking so much about someone I barely knew.
While I was trying to fall asleep, thoughts were running in my head abruptly. The day has started beautifully, but as always has to end tragically.
I tried my best to make myself fall asleep. Eventually I did, after three hours of lying there, staring at the ceiling. I created a few scenarios in my head, yet none of them were satisfying enough.
11.11.2022
The light hit me through the blinds. Softly touching my face, feeling its warmth. Today was going to be a long day. I could feel it already.
I forced myself out of bed, muscles still sore from yesterday. Breakfast was quick, mechanical, I barely tasted the food. My mind was spinning, thinking of drills, plays, and the stupid painting Regulus made me obsessed with. How could one person make such an impact in less than a minute? If only my mind would be this in every other subject, I would already graduate.
I grabbed my bag, jacket, and rushed out. The campus was slowly waking up. People moved like waves, indifferent, busy, in a hurry. Basically just chaos around, since it was Friday, everybody was tired and waited for the weekend.
That’s when I saw him. Dressed in black shirt, loose black trousers. His curly hair is perfectly done. Alongside he was with white-hair girl, the same height as he is. Dressed in a flowery dress. It was Pandora. She was gesturing dramatically as always, while he listened with that calm, slightly amused expression of his. I stopped walking. My brain told me to keep going. My legs clearly disagreed.
Before I could realise, I was close enough. Pandora noticed me first. She nudged him to let him know that I was approaching.
“Well,” Pandora clapped her hands once, delighted with herself, “I shall leave you two to whatever this is.”
She didn’t wait for a response. She just walked off, humming happily like she had just set a play in motion and couldn’t wait to see the outcome.
Silence settled between us. Not awkward. Not comfortable. Something in between. Something charged.
Regulus tilted his head slightly.
“You’re staring again, Potter.”
“Oh sorry, I am just thinking.”
“You're thinking. That is new.”
“Very funny.”
“Then what are you thinking of?”
“Better question is what I am not thinking of.”
He just looked at me. Not blinking. Not smiling. Just looking.
“So you came here?”
“Actually I don’t particularly know. I just wanted to say hi.”
“Hi.” He smirked.
“Now that is funny.”
“No it wasn’t,” he replied dryly. “Potter, It was nice NOT talking to you, but I have got to go.”
And then he turned and walked away, his figure dissolving into the crowd like ink fading in water.
I didn’t know what had just happened to me. I froze like a deer in headlights. Unfortunately, I had no time to dwell on it. I had practice. Still, today my thoughts were calmer. I knew I would do better than yesterday.
The second practice started and I stepped onto the pitch with determination. I told myself it would be different today. I would focus. I would not let my thoughts drift. I would not think about anything except the game.
I ran faster. I reacted quicker. My passes were sharp and precise. The coach even nodded once which almost never happened. I felt in control again. Like I had finally found the switch inside my head and turned it back on.
Comparing this training to a previous one, I did way better.
By the end of practice my shirt was soaked and my lungs burned. The whistle finally cut through the noise. Soon the coach called me over. I wondered what it could be. I didn’t know whether I should be nervous or proud of myself.
“You did great today, James,” he said.
“Thank you, professor.” I tried to remain serious, but deep inside I was strangely pleased.
“I wanted to ask you something. May I?”
“Sure, professor.”
“Is there anything going on in your life?”
His question froze me.
“Not at all.”
“I couldn’t help but notice that one day you play like a god and the next you barely do anything.”
“Sorry. It was just a short breakdown. Nothing to worry about.”
“I hope so. Don’t forget your scores are also your grades, and they’re required to pass the term. It would be a pity to lose such a talented student as you.”
“I’ll do better.”
“I hope so. You’re free to go.”
I left his office and went straight to the dorm to take a shower. I was sweaty and exhausted. This practice really drained me.
I got back to the dorms with every muscle sore. I took a hot shower to relax and it did help a bit.
I still had the whole evening ahead of me to be productive, so I went straight to the city to find something entertaining. I spotted two familiar faces, Evan and Barty from Sirius’ birthday party. Both of them seemed to be having fun, but I didn’t pay too much attention to them.
The weather that day was pleasant enough for me to stay outside longer, so I took a walk to the nearby lake. When I got there the scenery was breathtaking. The sunset made it even more remarkable than it should have been. I adored the way the rays touched my skin. I looked around. Nobody was there. I opened my arms to embrace it fully.
Then it hit me.
“Are you okay, Prongs?”
For a second I thought it was Regulus, but when I turned around I saw Sirius and Remus on a walk.
“Yeah, I was just enjoying the sun.”
“Okay…” Sirius said, clearly confused.
“Don’t look at me like that. I had a rough week,” I replied. “Besides, you look like you could try it too.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“What are you thinking?”
“Never mind.” Sirius shrugged.
Remus just glanced at us with a book held right in front of his nose.
“Romantic walk,” I joked.
Sirius shot me an aggressive look.
“I was just joking.”
“You sure were,” Sirius replied.
It actually was a fun encounter, but the sun set pretty quickly, so the three of us went back to our dorms. I had a feeling I ruined their “romantic walk.”
14.11.2022
The weekend passed quickly, maybe because the weather was awful. Rain and wind all the time. Monday hit me like it always did. Still, I was glad to be back to training. University really was great for people like me with poor scholarly thinking. Sirius managed somehow, so why wouldn’t I?
Thankfully the weather allowed us to play on the pitch. I aced every task I was given. Pride stirred inside me. I felt like the old James was coming back. Almost. I still missed her sometimes, but it was better now. I knew she was fine. She would tell me if anything awful had happened. And for the first time in weeks, that thought didn’t break me.
I had planned a meeting with Sirius today. I got ready quickly. A quick brush, a quick shower. Just a movie night, since both of us had classes around noon tomorrow. We used to have these kinds of evenings back in high school. We tried to keep the tradition alive even now.
I wandered through the halls. It was strangely quiet. At this time of day people were usually a herd here. Noise everywhere. Chaos.
A few minutes later I reached Sirius’ dorm.
“Do you know why it’s so quiet out there?” I asked as soon as I stepped inside.
“No idea. Don’t care. What I do care about is us watching movies today.”
We sat on the couch, in front of it was a little table, with snacks on it. Sirius was so thoughtful and prepared for me the ones I love the most.
“Gracias, mi amigo,” I smirked.
“Mais bien sûr,” he replied dramatically.
We both laughed. We chose the Spider-Man trilogy for today. The one with Andrew Garfield. I am a big fan of these movies. Actually, the biggest. It is my comfort watch whenever I have no idea what to put on.
“I think Regulus would like this movie too.”
His words felt like a bucket of freezing water splashed straight onto my face.
“Why do you think so?” I asked, uncertain.
“Well, he doesn’t talk much, but I’ve had a few chances to talk with him. I’ve gotten to know him better now,” he explained. “I just know he secretly would.”
“Oh, you really did.”
“Yes, after all we’re brothers,” he answered. “Are you jealous, Prongs?”
Panic hit me like a meteor. I had no idea what to say. Goosebumps ran over my body. Warmth spread across my face.
“I was kidding, James,” he added shortly.
Thank God. That minute felt like an eternity. Why would he ask such a thing? Was there something I didn’t know?
I couldn’t focus on the movie. My mind drifted through every possibility. But why? Was I really jealous? I couldn’t be jealous. There was nothing going on.
For the rest of that night my thoughts clung to his question. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I couldn’t be jealous. Or could I?
I was grateful when the movie finally ended. I wanted to rush to my bed and just fall asleep.
“Buenos noches, Pads,” I mumbled.
“Bonne nuit, Prongs,” Sirius replied with a smirk.
I smiled faintly and got up. The dorm felt quiet now. I stepped into the hallway, my footsteps echoing softly against the walls. The same corridor I had walked down earlier now seemed longer somehow, empty in a comforting way. I walked slowly. Thoughts of the movie, of Sirius, and that damn question floated through my mind
By the time I reached my room, the chill of the corridor lingered, but a strange warmth followed me inside. I closed the door, finally alone, and let myself collapse onto my bed.