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Damon's eyes shot open as he quickly sat on the bed, hunching over with one hand on his stomach.
The dust, the burns, the blood, the smoke. Fleeting memories melted together in a confusing blur and drops of sweat. But it was enough for his face to contort itself with disgust as he felt the acidness of bile climb up his throat. He gagged, instinctively swallowing it before it could come out.
Ugh, the flavor made him gag again.
He quickly closed his eyes, covering his mouth with his hand.
A beat passed.
“Uhh…”
He didn't want to open his eyes.
Maybe it was another dream. At least in this one, he knew it from the start.
“Please don't throw up on my bed,” Kai pleaded. If Damon hadn't just woken up, he'd say that aside from annoyance, there was some concern in his voice.
“I won't,” Damon assured, and took his hand off his mouth. When he heard himself so out of breath, he half-opened his eyes, staring at his own lap.
Too aware of his own panting, he tried to breathe deeply. Almost all of his body weight was supported by his hands, gripping the duvet as if his roommate would steal it in the middle of the night again. His elbows were slightly bended inwards, his back was slouched forward, and his head was practically hanging from his neck.
The only thing he allowed himself to hear was his own breathing, and the silence left by both men made this easier. His neck didn't feel hot anymore, and slowly, the nightmare replayed itself in his head. It was in chunks, each one in slow motion, but skipping seconds in between like channels being changed with a remote control.
He didn't want to remember.
As if on cue, his brain offered something else to focus on, and his breath wasn't the only one he could hear now.
Following where the shaky sound came from, his eyes looked for Kai's. It was only then when he noticed where he was. It felt weird, not knowing where his voice even came from before and not caring to find out.
Nevertheless, their eyes didn't meet. The influencer was leaning against the bathroom door, hugging himself, his thumbs rubbing his own arms. To Damon's surprise, he wasn't staring this time, not at him anyway. His eyes were fixated on his own shoes, and his bangs fell down his face, but Kai seemed unbothered by that. He waited for him to say something, but then he realized that the opposite was already happening. Maybe.
A sigh of relief left his lips at the thought.
Taking this opportunity, he straightened his posture and let go of the duvet. “Kai?” he called.
Kai didn't look up. “Yeah?”
Damon scowled. “... I didn't do it, by the way—”
“I know!” Now he did, and the quickness in which he did, along with his suddenly high pitched voice, made Damon jump a little. “I know! That wasn't—! …Nevermind,” he sighed, but his breath hitched.
Kai ran his hand through his hair, no hair clips to be seen to keep that one chunk of it in place. It slowly fell down to frame his face, and Damon still found it impossible for it to still look so soft, even in this hellhole they were stuck in. Kai already made fun of how dry his own hair was becoming.
After catching himself being the one staring, he turned to his pillows and angled the one on the bottom a little more against the frame, and he did the same with the one on top. With his hands, the blond dragged himself towards the pillows and rested his back against them, interlacing his own fingers and resting them on his abdomen.
Now that he did that, it seemed like he could look at his roommate again. The pink-haired man was covering himself slowly with the duvet, and as he laid in bed, he stared back. When he did, he felt something pierce through his chest all the way to his stomach in the span of a second. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't exactly pleasant either.
Tear tracks invaded his cheeks, and if the fairy lights weren't tricking Damon, he could see a tear hanging from his chin, about to fall at any moment. His eyes didn’t look too red thankfully, and his sniffling could hardly be heard, which, all in all, made him feel a little relieved. Although, his tired gaze felt so… unnatural every time he encountered it. He just couldn't get used to it.
…Since when did he care about all of these things?
“Was it a nightmare?” Kai asked, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow that he was now hugging.
Could he answer that question? He swore not to trust any of the people here, and that included his roommate. Despite him being the person who he spent most of his time with, and him being so insistent he didn’t know how to shut him up, but being so understanding at the same time, or him being his alibi, his investigation partner, the only person he would ever share a bedroom with.
Especially despite having those… puppy eyes.
…It wasn’t that big of a deal to answer, actually. At this point, it’s not as if he didn’t know he wasn’t sleeping well. This wasn't big news to any of them. Who was sleeping peacefully here? At least he wasn't asking what it was about anymore.
So he just nodded, unable to accept it out loud.
“Oh, makes sense.” A calm smile slowly appeared on Kai’s face, but it disappeared so quickly that Damon didn’t have time to hide that he felt like he was slapped by reality. “I-I mean— Me too! Obviously…” He laughed half-heartedly and looked away.
Jeez, what was he thinking?
As soon as Damon recovered from the shock, Kai spoke before him again. “It’s just that… You didn’t eat tonight.” Oh.
Damon’s mouth pressed into a line.
“So I thought that, you know, maybe you were sick or something… These nightmares are terrible, but getting sick here would also be terrible,” he finished.
Well, reality wasn’t what slapped him, then.
His back laid against the pillows again.
“Ah, that’s…” When he spoke, the debater noticed that he was clenching his teeth before. He tried to relax his jaw. “I’m fine,” he answered.
“...Really?” Kai's eyes softened. “I swear I won’t tell anyone if you are.”
Eye contact was getting really difficult. “Really. I feel a little nauseous, but it’ll pass.” Damon shrugged.
“Well, that's something, I guess.” The influencer sighed and hugged the pillow a little tighter. And just when Damon was about to turn around and try to sleep, Kai grabbed his wrist. “Wait—”
The debater blinked in surprise and tensed up before glaring at the man. “What.”
Kai seemed to think for a moment, his slightly desperate expression changing to a more serious one. “Why didn't you eat dinner?” And he still didn't let him go.
So Damon shook his hand to get away from Kai's grasp. “Why do you care, anyway? Just go to sleep.”
It didn't work. “Because you always tell me to at least eat something even if I don't want to! Why don't you follow your own advice?” Kai pouted.
“I don't force you to do anything. If you don't want to listen to me, that's your problem.”
“See?” Kai frustratingly shook Damon's wrist and looked at him expectantly.
Was he supposed to realize something? “See what?”
“The— the way you say it! You sound like, so sure that something bad will happen to me if I don't listen to you.”
“Because it's possible?” Yeah, he wasn't making any sense.
“Goooood, you're so annoying,” Kai groaned. And what the hell was that for? “What I mean is that it's weird that you suddenly disappeared before dinner and nobody saw you until night-time... When you always insist on me not doing that.”
Damon's left hand closed into a fist, digging his nails into his palm. “You're asking way too many questions. I'd argue you're the annoying one.”
“No I'm not! You literally just ignored everything else I said just because I called you annoying, which is true, by the way!”
“You ignored me when I told you to go to sleep.”
“And why do you think that is?” The grip that the man across from him had on his wrist —and seemingly his heartstrings— tightened.
The debater didn't know why he was so surprised by how quickly it happened at this point, but in the blink of an eye, those brown eyes that now avoided him were glistening. And just as quick as it happened, the pink-haired man used his free hand to rub his eyes, a half-hearted laugh leaving his lips quietly. After that, he opened his mouth again to say something, looking apologetic for some reason, but he didn't seem to find the words.
Was he just stalling by pretending to be worried for him? It could be possible. If Kai gave Damon the grace of not having to go through the embarrassment of refusing to tell him what his nightmare was about when asked, he was willing to return the favor, but it seemed to be pretty bad. He couldn't judge him anyway, because he felt more awake than ever.
Did that mean that he didn't truly care about him? Possible as well. They were in a killing game, after all.
But there was just something in his gaze when he came up with that question before. That same thing that made him feel somewhat safer when he swore not to tell anyone he was sick just a few minutes ago, or when he arrived at his bedroom tonight knowing that he wouldn't sleep alone as long as he was there.
Kai finally seemed like he found the words, and Damon didn't like what he thought he was going to say.
So he had to think fast.
“I—” No need to raise your voice. “Uhh… got lost.” His nose twitched.
Slowly, a tiny smile seemed to tug Kai's lips. “No you didn't.”
Damon cleared his throat and shifted in his seat a little, covering his legs with the duvet just to give himself an opportunity to stop feeling so embarrassed. “Y-yes, I did.”
“There's literally a map on the Tozu Trinket, dude.” His roommate chuckled playfully. “How can you get lost?”
Why did he answer, again?
But, he does make an embarrassingly good point.
Well, it doesn't matter. He got what he wanted. “And I know that, but that's all you're getting out of me.”
“Oh come on! You can't just say that Damon Maitsu, certified smartass, got lost all afternoon and not explain to me how!” Despite not getting an explanation, he seemed to be enjoying himself a little bit too much with this. “Man, I was worried before, but you're so fundffsw—”
And it was getting a little too loud, so the debater pushed that damn pillow against his mouth to shut him up. “St— Don't laugh so loud, idiot!” Damon whispered-shouted, trying to be as quiet as possible himself.
Only muffled whining could be heard from Kai for a moment as he struggled to get the pillow away from his face. For some reason, despite his frustrated groan, the influencer just kept laughing, “I'll stop! Just ledfmm alone!”
“But you just keep laughing harder—” He countered, before feeling his hand being pulled forward.
Despite both of them only “fighting” with one hand, Kai managed to snatch the pillow out of Damon's grasp, softly hitting his head with the bed frame. “Ow—!” He rubbed the back of his head with his hand, which only made his pink hair look more like a mess. It was pointing to all directions, and Damon could barely see his eyes through his bangs.
“...”
“...”
Damon covered his mouth with his fist and looked away when he felt a snort coming.
Kai's eyes opened wide with surprise for a moment. “...Oh my god, of course the only way I can make you laugh is when I hit my head.” It sounded like a complaint, but he was smirking anyway, with a faint blush on his cheeks.
“It was kind of funny,” the debater admitted, but he still tried to stop smiling, to no avail.
Also, was he trying to make him laugh?
“Thanks, asshole.”
Ow.
Maybe Kai read his mind, because the pillow hit him right in the face before he entertained that thought any further. Damon didn't move an inch, just glaring at his roommate silently, until he realized how odd that felt.
“... You're not going to respond to that?” Kai asked, almost sheepishly.
“This pillow.”
“Huh?” The influencer tilted his head.
He really behaves like a puppy sometimes.
“All of the pillows you use are warm,” Damon elaborated.
“Where is this going?” Despite him trying to sound so confused, Kai had a weirdly nervous smile.
The debater looked down at the pillow and… it was ridiculous how he didn't think of this before, because it looked so different, but so familiar…
“Why were you hugging my pillow?” When he saw the pink-haired man open his mouth to argue, Damon sighed unimpressed at his unspoken but predictable counter. “The one from my room.”
“... Y-you left it here!”
“What kind of defense is that? I brought it for me because you divided the room in two, where your bed with five pillows was at.” That couch would've been more miserable if he hadn't brought it here.
“You could have asked for one. I don't use all of them!”
That's true. “That’s irrelevant.”
Swiftly defeated, his roommate let his head fall on the bed again, now looking at the ceiling. “... It's cold.”
“Huh?”
Kai took a second before he quietly responded, “Like you said, yours is colder… And… everyone wants to sleep on the colder side of the pillow, right?”
The debater thought about it for a moment. It did make sense, but he didn't know why he was so hung up on the fact that he was hugging it specifically. “...I guess.”
Although he more often than not liked them a bit warm.
Apparently satisfied with how he took it, Kai faced Damon again. “So you're not mad?” he asked, hopeful.
…Why did he have to sound like that? “Why would I be mad?” Damon asked, genuinely confused.
The influencer seemed even more confused than him. “Because I took it without asking? I dunno, I just thought…” he trailed off.
“Well, I— I don't really care, honestly.” If the slightly quicker pace of his heartbeat was ignored, it was fair to say that he didn't care, yes. “I'm using your pillows everyday, so it's not that different if you use mine.”
Also, for some reason that he didn't want to dwell on, it didn't feel right to complain about it. Especially not tonight.
“Oh,” Kai mumbled. “Yeah, okay.” He blinked for a few seconds and suddenly let out a quiet chuckle. “Wow, I really thought you'd give me hell for this.”
“Maybe I'm not in the mood.” Damon tried to lift his arms to cross them, until he felt a slight pressure on his left hand.
Oh.
Kai didn't notice anything, or at least that's what the blond was hoping, now that his cheeks felt weird. “You always seem to be ‘in the mood’ honestly…” He rolled his eyes.
The influencer seemed to think about what he said for a second, and a strangely curious smirk spread across his face suddenly.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Seriously, what did this guy find so funny? He was getting weirder by the second.
“Would you like me to just take it away from you instead or something?”
“You literally—” Kai yawned “—can't do that, remember? Unless… you want it?”
Well, apparently Kai did want to sleep. Or at least his body did. Him, personally, still felt very much awake, but that wasn't a surprise. Sometimes he just wouldn't sleep at all, but at least his restless nights studying were somehow helpful to keep himself functional the next day.
To be fair, for whatever reason, his roommate wasn't much of a mess now whenever he didn't sleep… usually. Although, it was getting distracting how sluggishly his eyelids moved in the morning recently.
…
Actually, he wasn't exactly sure if he was sleeping these past few days. He assumed he did, at least a little bit, since crying so much does tire you, but… He wasn't exactly checking, was he? And the crying was a little louder than usual lately. Not that he wasn't expecting it, because the latest case was terrible. So terrible that he didn't know why he didn't dream about someone else tonight, but…
“... mon…”
Maybe that's why he was so tired right now.
“Earth to Damon…” Suddenly he felt Kai's hand waving on his face.
Damon winced. “Stop that,” he hissed.
“Jeez, sorry…” The influencer lowered his hand. “You were just staring at the void.”
“Sure.” He rolled his eyes. “What were you saying?”
“I asked if you—”
Right. “No. If it helps you sleep, just keep it.”
The smile that Kai gave in response reached his eyes, and Damon felt the urge to look away. “Thanks… But I'm not sure if I can—” Another yawn, because of course “—sleep right now…”
Damon squinted. “Uh huh.”
“Oh, you know what I mean.” Kai brought the pillow closer to him, and at this point, he could barely keep his eyes open. “I’d rather stay up all night talking to you.”
Maybe if he wasn't staring deep into his soul, and didn't sound so sincere, Damon would feel offended, and then pretend he didn't. Yet, he clearly was being serious. And maybe, if this were to be any other day, he would accept the offer, despite knowing he didn't have anything to talk about.
But… “You…” The debater slightly picked the skin of his inner lip, trying to get his thoughts in order. Whatever he was feeling right now, was making him struggle to even form a sentence. A casual and sensible sentence, to be exact. “You haven't been sleeping.”
Kai grimaced, but tried to force a smile, although it came out more grim than he probably intended. “Says you?”
“I think I managed,” Damon deadpanned, but when he saw his roommate's hurt expression, he cleared his throat. “I don't—” he let out a frustrated sigh, picking the skin of his lips again and sinking his head in his pillow. “Sorry.”
“It's fine.” Kai waved his free hand and, finally, he let go of his wrist, but only to slowly reach his hand and give it a gentle squeeze.
He flinched out of habit, but when he actually concentrated on the feeling, it was oddly comforting. It slowly cleared his head, so he started again. “I wasn't bragging, but I don't think it's good that you let yourself do that for so many days in a row. Especially here, because…”
There was a long pause following that, but Kai seemed to be patiently waiting. Or at least that's what it looked like from the corner of Damon's eye.
“... It just wouldn't be safe for you,” the debater finished, letting go of the air he didn't know he was holding.
“Hah, are you calling me an Ulysses?” Kai smirked slightly, but Damon didn't miss the embarrassment of his tone.
“No, because you don't like coffee.” Damon couldn't stop himself from returning the smile.
The pink-haired man opened his mouth and quietly gasped, feigning offense, but it wasn't long until he giggled. “Sure. I'm going to tell him you said that.”
“Somehow I don't think he will take that as an offense.”
“True,” his roommate conceded. “... Hey, can you let me do something, then?”
Damon's shoulders stiffened. “That could mean anything.”
“Nothing bad, I promise.”
He couldn't get himself to respond out loud, so he just nodded.
Satisfied with that response, Kai slowly sat on the bed, and Damon felt even more relieved for convincing him to sleep, because he looked like he could barely move. He dragged himself closer to him —not that he needed a lot of effort for that— and his arm hesitantly wrapped itself around his own. The debater, unused to this type of contact between them, but still afraid that he would stop, did his best to stay completely still.
He truly thought that Kai's hair would tickle him when he felt his head slowly rest on his shoulder, but it was quite the contrary. It felt like having a fluffy plushie there instead of a human.
That made him think of the teddy bear he still had inside his closet. Does Kai like bears?
“Are you okay?” Kai's head shifted to face him.
“Uh, yeah.” Despite his head feeling stuffy, this was comfortable.
The influencer opened his mouth to continue speaking, but surprisingly, something seemed to click in his head and just cuddled against him, trying not to laugh. “Right.”
After that, he grabbed his pillow—... Or is it Kai's now? Damon himself said he could keep it, but he still didn't know the meaning of his own words, which was very confusing. He always knew what was his message, and made sure to speak with conviction at all times. And, the conviction was there, but the message was diffuse.
Whatever, now it was on his own lap, and Kai wrapped himself around his arm again, this time a little tighter, but the debater almost liked it more that way. It felt warmer.
“I said you can keep it.” That much he was sure of.
“Yeah, but it's not as cold as it used to be… You should get it to cool again.”
Damon carefully shifted the pillows behind his back, so both of them could “share” them. “I really don't think that's how that works.”
Wait, since when was Kai using that pillow then?
His roommate effortlessly let him place the pillows behind him. “You're always freezing, I bet you can do it.”
It didn't sound like he was going to concede, so the debater didn't move it. “We'll see tomorrow then.”
Another yawn came, and a few minutes passed. Damon swore Kai was already falling asleep, so he unconsciously relaxed his body. He could feel the pink hair gently caressing his neck now.
“Hey.”
Shit. “Hi.”
“... You really… aren't going to tell me why you got lost?”
He wasn't that wrong then, because Kai could barely speak now.
That means it probably doesn't matter. He wasn't going to remember.
So, begrudgingly… Damon answered, “I guess it would be more accurate to say that my sweater got lost.”
“...”
He really didn't know what the hell was going on in my head when he noticed, but it felt like he couldn't even think properly. He was running around all of the new rooms and hallways like an idiot, panting profusely and snapping on whoever crossed his way. And that's the only word he could use, “whoever”, because he truly couldn't recall who he bumped into when he was looking for it.
That made him grimace. He probably looked insane.
At least he knew he didn't see Kai, because according to him, he “disappeared”.
“...”
Noticing he didn't elaborate, Damon continued, “I couldn't think of anything else besides finding it. Honestly, I really wouldn't have cared if it was any of the others, but it was the original one.”
“...”
No response. Great. Truly, because that meant Kai was asleep, and this conversation never happened. His breath was slower, even, and when he looked down, the debater could see the rise and fall of his chest.
Damon looked at the door, just in case.
“You could've told me…” Kai mumbled against his shoulder.
SHIT. “What?” He tried not to sound too scared.
“You could've told me you needed help looking for it, you know? You already helped me with my rings before…”
“...”
“Damon?”
“...”
“Damon~” Kai cooed.
Not now. The debater closed his eyes. “I'm asleep.”
“Pfft- no you're not…”
“Yes, I am. You're dreaming right now, Kai Monteago. This is… an imaginary Damon speaking to you.” He really didn't know what he was saying, but he could blame it on whatever ungodly hour it was, if he needed too. But it wasn't going to be necessary, because again, this conversation never happened. His roommate was still way more asleep than awake for him to remember.
“Mhm…” The influencer gently nodded.
Silence again.
Did that really work?
Huh.
Fi—
“So,” he has to STOP doing that, “can you tell the real one to let me help him next time?”
That's on him, actually. An absurd defense deserves an absurd response.
Damon sighed. “... Sure. I will.”
“And… If I needed help?”
“Did you lose another ring?”
“No, but… If I did… Would he help?”
“Not like you would give him a choice...”
“... I would insist…” The debater could literally hear him smile. “... Is that a yes?”
It was definitely because of how sleepy he was, but his voice cracked a little bit at the end. Damon knew that was it.
But his fingers seemed to move on their own when they held Kai's hand back, rubbing its side with his thumb.
“Probably,” the blond replied.
That seemed to satisfy him, if that hum meant anything. Damon felt his cuffed sleeve being squeezed, and that made his eyes open, and his cheeks felt hot one more time.
This time, knowing better than to relax too soon, he waited a few seconds. Afterwards, he tried to take a peak at his roommate's face. He almost couldn't see it, but he was, finally, asleep.
…
Yeah, he was.
Trying not to disturb him, he just laid his head on the pillows, trying his best to keep it as straight as possible while looking at the door.
Again, just in case.
…
“It was a yes,” he found himself whispering.