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When Ranpo opened his eyes, that morning, he felt like he hadn’t slept a single second all night. Honestly, he didn’t know what time it was: the window curtains, shut closed, blocked the sun from entering the room.
He laid on the futon, staring blankly at the ceiling.
Everything was silent, not a noise coming from the other apartments in the Agency dorms. It was just natural, after all: everyone had moved away to other parts of the city. Only him, the great and invincible Ranpo Edogawa, had insisted on staying.
Where else could he go?
Yes, going with Fukuzawa or Yosano could have been an option. But he really didn’t want to leave his place. He wasn’t going to let go of the Agency that easily.
He had been the first person Fukuzawa had told that he was going to shut down the Agency for a while. Ranpo hadn’t said a single word. For once, he had been speechless. Speechless even in front of the devastated faces of his colleagues, who had looked at him in confusion as Fukuzawa gave them the news too.
What could Ranpo have said?
Fukuzawa was the one who created the Agency, so he had all the rights to say that they were going to take a break.
And still, Ranpo had felt betrayed.
The Agency was his home. The Agency was nothing without Ranpo, and Ranpo was nothing without the Agency.
And now? What was he going to do?
Find a new job?
He had to be real, who was even going to take him in?
He was a detective, and that was it. He didn’t know how to do other jobs.
Fukuzawa had said that he was going to keep sending him money, but it couldn't last forever. He was an adult, not a child. And an adult needed to have his own money.
Ranpo rolled in the sheets, facing the wall, and his eyes fell on the phone, who started to buzz as soon as he looked at it.
With a sigh, he took it.
11 a.m.
Well, it was definitely morning.
Messages had been coming all morning (and night) from different people.
Fukuzawa, sending him a good morning and asking him how he was doing.
Kunikida, sending him job advertisements.
Yosano, asking him if he was eating enough food and not just snacks.
And, finally, Poe, who had a new novel ready for him to read it.
Then, he looked better: actually, Poe had sent me a lot of messages, and had also tried to call him.
It was strange. Not the fact that Poe cared about his wellbeing – he had showed, multiple times, to deeply care about the detective. It was the fact that, usually, it was Ranpo the one who would call and text Poe, or even burst into his house when he knew that the writer was feeling depressed. Which would happen really, really frequently.
And still, he didn’t bother to answer to any text. He just put away the phone and went back to sleep.
The next time he opened his eyes, it was because of the obnoxious sound of his doorbell being rung. With a groan, he checked again the time on his phone, just to notice even more missed calls from Poe.
He wondered for some second about what he should have done. He could try to ignore him – because the person at the door was obviously Poe – but the noise was drilling into his skull, driving him crazy. And, knowing the American man, he wasn’t going to stop soon. No, if there was someone even more stubborn than Ranpo, that was Poe.
He sighed.
He was going to stand up, open the door, send the man away and, maybe, think about lunch.
‘Ranpo?’
He heard Poe calling him, the voice muffled by the door and the walls. The man was shouting his name. How far was Poe going from his comfort zone?
‘I’m coming, I’m coming’ Ranpo mumbled, more to himself than to the man waiting for him.
With superhuman effort, he slowly got out of the futon, pathetically crawling on the floor. He immediately missed the warmth of the blankets. As he stood up, dressed in a pajama that had now been wearing for at least three days straight, he cringed at the bad smell coming from himself.
It was all right though. He wasn’t going to let Poe in, so he wasn’t going to actually see – and smell – his conditions.
However, the sound of the doorbell hadn’t stopped and, now that he was closer, Ranpo could hear the scratch of Karl’s paws against the wood of the door.
God, the two of them were unsufferable together.
He lazily arrived in front of the door and, without wasting time – the noise needed to go – he opened it a bit.
‘Oh’ Poe just said, removing his finger from the doorbell button. At his feet, Karl looked at Ranpo almost in disappointment, as if the little animal was having fun by scratching the door.
‘Yes, oh. I’m alive’ Ranpo replied ‘What do you want?’
‘Dear Ranpo…’ Poe tilted his head, a clearly worried expression on his face ‘you look terrible’
‘Thank you very much’ the detective grunted, taking a step back and starting to close the door. However, Poe stopped him with a quick movement of his hand.
‘No, I’m deeply sorry, but I’m not letting you stay inside of your apartment, all alone, in this state’
‘Well, I’m not leaving it’
Poe nodded: ‘It’s all right. But, then, I’m coming inside. With your permission…’
And, while saying this, he gently – but firmly – opened the door, ignoring the way Ranpo tried to oppose.
‘Poe!’ he called, trying to sound as mad as possible ‘What are you doing?’
Ranpo followed Poe with his gaze, observing how the older man, who was holding a plastic bag, looked around his apartment, Karl right behind him.
‘I’m…’ even Poe seemed uncertain, his expression dubious when he turned towards Ranpo ‘I’m helping you, I suppose’
The detective crossed his arms: ‘Well, no one asked’
Poe shook his head: ‘Yes, true. But I’m afraid that I don’t care in the slightest, sorry’
Without wasting any time, the writer took off his tall boots, setting them aside, and put his cape on the empty coat rack and the bag on the low table. Then, he put his hands on his waist: ‘You haven’t eaten, right? I bought some food coming here’
Even if his actions looked determined, his voice didn’t sound that certain. Still, a part of Ranpo couldn’t deny that he was being… kind. They were friends, after all, weren’t them?
‘I don’t need your help’ he simply mumbled, closing the door behind him.
Poe, who had started to remove the dirty clothes from the pavement in the meantime, turned towards him and raised an eyebrow.
‘I thought you were done with this “I don’t need anyone’s help” attitude’ he stated ‘This is not the first time I help you, dear’
‘It’s different, Poe. And you know it’
‘How come?’ the other man asked, disappearing into the bathroom with a bunch of clothes in his arms.
Ranpo sighed, following him in the other room: ‘The other times I asked you for help. Because the lives of my friends were in danger. Now you’re just invading my privacy’
‘True, again’ Poe nodded, opening the washing machine and starting to divide the clothes by color ‘But didn’t you do the same with me? Multiple times, even’
‘That’s… different’
‘You’re starting to sound repetitive, dear’ the other hummed, closing the washing machine and selecting a program. Then, he put the other clothes in a basket and exited the bathroom, Karl and Ranpo tagging along.
‘Why are you even here, Poe? Who called you, Fukuzawa? Yosano?’ Ranpo asked, starting to get nervous, following the other man in the kitchen.
Poe was taking from the plastic bag some meat, vegetables, a package of instant curry and rice. Without caring too much about Ranpo, he started to open the cabinets, looking for something.
‘Poe, I asked you a question’
The writer finally turned towards him, cutting board and knife in his hands: ‘No one called me. I haven’t talked with the Agency members since we saved them together’
He started to cut a potato, and Ranpo decided to just sit on a stool while observing him. Karl immediately jumped on his lap, clearly demanding attention.
‘I was… worried about you, Ranpo’ Poe kept talking, his voice a bit anxious ‘You didn’t answer any of my texts, or calls. And I know that the situation mustn’t be easy for you…’
‘You don’t know’ Ranpo replied, dry.
The silence fell into the room, interrupted only by the sound of vegetables being chopped. Without saying a word, Poe kept preparing the food, as Ranpo waited for an answer. Anger was boiling in his stomach, and yet the writer was ignoring him in order to cook a stupid meal that no one had asked.
‘Yes, maybe I don’t know’ the said, after a while, as he put the ingredients in a large pot ‘Maybe I don’t exactly how it feels to be in your situation, but I can imagine without any struggle how you’re doing now’
Then, he turned towards him, his only visible eye full of a kindness that didn’t match at all with his gloomy appearance: ‘I recognize so well the look in your eyes’
Ranpo couldn’t reply at that.
He hadn’t looked at himself in the mirror for days, fearing what he was going to see. But now Poe was looking at him, no pity on his face, and Ranpo felt naked under his scrutinizing gaze.
‘…whatever’ he mumbled, focusing on Karl.
Poe kept cooking in silence for a bit, then he turned towards Ranpo: ‘The curry will take a while to be ready. I’m going to clean around in the meantime’
‘At this point, do what you want’ Ranpo just huffed, leaning on the counter, and Poe took it literally.
As the writer exited the kitchen, Ranpo lowered his gaze on Karl, who was basically purring on his lap.
‘Your owner is a strange man, Karl…’ he mumbled, scratching behind his ear.
After that, he didn’t know how much time passed while he sat in the kitchen, probably spacing out as he petted the spoiled animal. He just stayed there, the gentle sound of the food boiling in the pot in the background, the soft fur of the pet between his fingers that caressed Karl in automatic circular movements. His head was heavy on his shoulders, and at the same time he felt so light. He could barely feel the stool he was sitting on, as if he was floating on it. Even his eyes struggled to stay open, no matter how many hours he had slept in the morning.
A part of him wanted to laugh, hysterically laugh, but his body didn’t have any will to move.
He could just sit, and wait.
And wait.
Until finally Poe reappeared, suddenly invading his personal space by standing way too close to him, a concerned expression on his face.
‘Ranpo, dear?’ he was saying ‘The food is ready’
‘Ah’ Ranpo hummed, blinking a couple of time ‘Yeah, of course. Let’s eat’
Poe shot him a look, then he shook his head while going towards the stove: ‘I already ate at home, this is for you. I made multiple portions, so you can eat them during other meals’
‘Ah’
He ate the curry in complete silence, since Poe left him once again to take the laundry out of the washing machine, or something like that. He didn’t really listen to him. However, Karl stayed with him the whole time, observing him as he ate but without asking for food a single time. A strange occurrence, actually, since the raccoon was a bottomless pit.
But not that time, no.
That time, it felt like the raccoon was making sure that Ranpo was going to eat everything, as if Poe could look at the detective through Karl’s black eyes.
A bit unsettling, if Ranpo had to be honest. But reassuring at the same time.
Poe entered again the kitchen when Ranpo was finishing his meal. Just at that point he noticed that the man had removed his tailcoat and vest, wearing just his white shirt and his striped trousers. The sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, showing his pale arms. It was strange to be able to see some of Poe’s skin that wasn’t his face or his hands.
‘Oh, you finished!’ he smiled ‘Was it good?’
Ranpo gulped the last bite, nodding: ‘Yes. Thank you, I guess’
Poe hummed, satisfied: ‘I’m glad. Is there something you would like to do, dear?’
The detective leaned his cheek on his fist, thinking.
Sleep, he wanted to sleep. Sleep and disappear under the blankets until Fukuzawa would have called him to say that the Agency was once again open, and everything was going to be normal again.
Was it healthy? No, and he perfectly knew that. But there was nothing else that he wanted to do besides sitting at his desk in the Agency office and solve a stupidly boring case that one of his coworkers couldn’t solve by themselves. He would eat his snacks, make fun of Kunikida with Dazai, gossip with Yosano, help the youngers with their cases.
Yes, that sounded perfect.
But, since he couldn’t do it because Dostoevsky had destroyed their lives, he wanted to sleep.
Probably, he had taken too much time to answer, because Poe talked again: ‘Why don’t you take a hot bath? It will help you relax a little’
Ranpo raised an eyebrow, skeptical. The idea of removing his clothes was actually terrible. To get naked and wash his body before actually getting into the bathtub…
He grunted, massaging the bridge of his nose: ‘Ugh… I don’t know…’
‘I can wash your hair if you want’ Poe tried.
With that, he caught Ranpo’s attention.
‘My mother used to wash my hair when I was stressed or anxious… it was really comforting’
To be honest, that did sound nice. In general, Ranpo didn’t like when other people touched his hair. At the same time, there was something about his bond with Poe, the way he was taking care of him that day…
‘I… I could give it a try, yes’
Poe gave him a big smile: ‘Wonderful! I’m gonna prepare the bathtub then!’
Some minutes later, Ranpo sat in the bathroom, naked and shaking, trying to wash his body. The room was starting to get warm from the hot water filling the bathtub, and still he couldn’t help but get goosebumps. He sighed, trying to get comfortable on the small stool, and started to scrub his body with soap. As he did the boring chore, he felt as if his arms were getting heavier and heavier, tired with the simple movement.
How useless had he become, struggling to even clean himself?
He poured some hot water on his body to wash away the soap, enjoying the sudden change of temperature, before standing up and getting closer to the bathtub. Doing so, he passed by the mirror, his eyes falling on it after days of not looking at himself.
Buck naked, with his black hair flat against his face and the purplish dark circles under his tired eyes, he looked like a pathetic, stray, wet cat.
Ranpo shook his head, looking away from his own reflection, and entered the bathtub not full yet. He sat down against the ceramic, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging his legs, observing the water gradually filling all the space.
Slowly, he felt as the water rose, gently grazing his skin. It was hot, so hot, he could see his body getting redder. But he didn’t care, because it seemed like the water was washing away all of his mistakes, all of his failures, all of his…
‘Ranpo?’
Poe knocked the door, interrupting his trance.
‘Yes… yes, you can enter’ Ranpo lazily answered, lowering his head in order to let half of it sink.
Poe carefully opened the door, looking around. He had pulled his hair up, uncovering his face, and Ranpo could see him with the corner of his eye. He looked so uncertain, looking inside of the room with clear shyness.
‘I’m coming in…’ he whispered, his voice almost covered by the noise of the water.
Ranpo observed him coming, and his mind ran to the idea of an alligator in the water waiting for his prey. What a silly thought. Ranpo was everything but a strong predator in that moment.
Finally next to the bathtub, Poe kneeled down next to him. He was red in his face, and Ranpo couldn’t tell if it was because of the situation or the steam.
‘You don’t need to be embarrassed, you know that, right?’ Ranpo mumbled, looking away and holding his knees closer ‘I should be the uncomfortable one’
Poe immediately widened his eyes, moving away with his body: ‘Ah! If you’re uncomfortable…’
‘Poe, calm down!’ Ranpo turned towards him ‘It’s… it’s okay. It’s nice’
‘…all right’
Always moving slowly, the man reached for the hand shower and gently poured some water on Ranpo’s hair, shielding his eyes with the other hand. Ranpo sighed in the warm feeling, trying to relax his body, and closed his eyes. He listened as Poe closed the water and opened the bottle of shampoo, then he felt the soft touch of his finger smoothly stroking his head.
They fell in a comfortable silence, the only sound being the barely hearable scratching of Poe’s long nails against his scalp.
Finally, Ranpo’s mind seemed to calm down, to stop running in vortical circles.
Instead, he focused on Poe’s gentle touch, the way he was massaging his head with the shampoo, taking his time to make Ranpo relax. He could still feel his shoulders being tense, but now his eyelids were becoming heavy.
The washing of his hair felt infinite, but in a pleasant way. In the end, when Poe washed away the conditioner, he was almost upset by the fact that it was finished.
Poe waited outside of the bathroom as Ranpo exited the bathtub and dried his body, finding out that the other man had already prepared a set of clean and comfy clothes for him.
He stared at it for a couple of seconds.
When had he become so vulnerable in front of Poe?
He shook his head. It wasn’t the moment to think about it. It wasn’t the moment to think at all. Poe wasn’t doing all of that for him just for Ranpo to overthink about it and ruin all of his efforts.
So, before his mind could start running again, he opened the door to let Poe in again. Without speaking – because there was no need of talking, not anymore – he let Poe dry his hair, letting again his eyes close to enjoy the hot hair as he sat on a stool.
It felt domestic, it felt right.
But still, not deserved.
‘I think I will rest a bit now’ he simply said as soon as Poe turned off the hair drier.
The writer gave him a concerned look.
Ranpo knew what he was thinking. He was thinking that Ranpo had already slept too much for that day, but at the same time he didn’t want to say anything in order to not annoy him. Because Poe had that tendency of threating him as if he was made of glass when something was wrong.
So, he sighed.
‘Poe… Ed’ he called ‘You did a lot today. Why don’t you rest with me?’
’W-what?’ Poe stuttered, his eyes widened, a slight blush on his cheeks.
Maybe he had been a little blunt with it. But it was all right, Ranpo was always blunt. Poe seriously needed to get used to it.
Without waiting for an answer, he just stood up and walked past Poe. Entering his small bedroom, he noticed that the futon’s sheets had been replaced with clean ones.
He smiled.
Poe was a kind man. When he didn’t try to kill him with his ability.
Behind him, he heard the noise of the other man’s careful steps, as if he was getting closer to a scared animal rather than to Ranpo.
Not wasting time, Ranpo settled under the sheets, pressing his cheek against the clean pillowcase. Soon, Poe arrived, Karl on his shoulders, and Ranpo looked up from his futon to see the awkward expression painted on Poe’s face.
‘You’re way too shy for being the man who entered my apartment without any invitation, you know?’
Poe looked away: ‘It’s just… because the sheets are clean. I don’t want to enter the bed with outside clothes’
‘Then take something from my stuff’ Ranpo pointed with a movement of his chin to the closet ‘I have a lot of oversized things you can take. Even if you’re like… three meters tall or something’
‘But…’
‘No but, no. You wanted to make me feel better, right? Then, do as I want’
Poe shot him an annoyed glance, and Ranpo smiled back. Yes, that was better.
He observed the tall man as he crossed the room and reached the closet, looking at it in confusion.
‘Third drawer. I should have a tracksuit that will fit you’
Ranpo waited in bed with Karl as Poe changed his clothes – in the bathroom, he refused to get naked in front of the other man – and, when he returned, the raccoon welcomed him with a happy squeak.
‘Then, I’m… I’m coming’ Poe announced before, finally sliding under the sheets.
And so, they found themselves staring at each other, their faces close on the same pillow, Karl cuddled at their feet.
Poe was nervous, not looking at Ranpo in the eyes.
Ranpo, on the other hand, was trying to appear as chill as possible. When, actually, his body was screaming because he was letting someone be too close to him.
He will also get hurt because of you. He’s just one more person you won’t save.
‘Ranpo?’ Poe called, his voice as soft as a caress.
‘Mmh?’
‘Everything… will be all right’ he mumbled.
‘You can’t be sure of it’ Ranpo buried his face into the pillow ‘Everything is in shambles right now’
‘At the moment, yes… but you’re not alone in this’ Poe whispered back ‘It may sound trivial, but…’
‘Yeah, yeah, I know the talk. Power of friendship and everything will be solved’
Poe chuckled: ‘Quite literally, yes’
‘Are you for real?’
‘Well… with this power of friendship, you changed the person I am’
Ranpo turned to look at him, trying to understand if he was being serious or not. And yes, Poe’s face was absolutely honest. He was smiling softly, the kind of expression that was so far from the first time they met. And the time they met again, six years later.
‘Shush, don’t be corny’ Ranpo grunted, before moving towards the other man and wrapping his arms around his torso. He pressed his face against his chest, feeling his fast heartbeat, and smiled. It was warm.
After a second, Poe returned the hug, his hands uncertain as they touched Ranpo’s back.
‘Thank you, Ed’ Ranpo mumbled, closing his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the hug.
‘I’m always here for you, my dear’
‘I know’