Chapter Text
Shane was sitting in the oversized lounge chair in the corner of the living room trying to finish the current chapter of the book he was reading. It was his favorite spot in the house because the chair was situated right in front of the large windows of the front room and just far enough into the corner that he could feel like he was with everyone when they hung out, but not at the center of all the chaos.
If you had to ask him to describe his living situation in one word, chaos would be his preferred choice. He loved all his friends, truly, but living under one roof with them all these years had proven to be one challenge in keeping his cool during sensory overload after another. He had become very practiced in tuning them out when they got extra crazy. Like now, for example, when the current chaos at hand was J.J. and Ilya almost descending into a slapping fight over the racing game they were playing on the couch across the room from him. They had asked him to play, but he wasn’t terribly fond of racing games, he preferred team sports games. Hockey, especially. And anyway, he had wanted to finish a chapter of his book before Ethan, his boyfriend of almost a year, came to pick him up.
As if the shouting match on the couch and Harris and Svetlana gossiping away at the dining room table while Troy attempted to keep up weren’t enough already, Rose came bounding down the stairs in nothing but her towel, brandishing a lime green dildo that she was holding at the base with a small washcloth.
So yeah, chaos.
“Guys! Seriously, how many times do we need to have this conversation? The bathroom upstairs is a sacred, communal space. This is the third time in two months that I have opened the shower curtain to someone else’s dildo staring me in the face.”
The guys on the couch paused their game and turned to look at her before bursting out into laughter. Shane couldn’t help but let an amused smile form on his lips. The whole situation was absurd, even if it was his every day.
“Don’t look at me. I have my own bathroom.” Ilya put his hands up in defense.
He was referring to the tiny bathroom in the basement where he slept. Technically, Ilya had the biggest room because he got the fully finished basement with the attached bathroom, which might seem like a sweet deal, but it was actually the worst room in the house. It was drafty and the water heater made an awful noise, which was hell when you were trying to sleep at night, and the bathroom was so small, Shane didn’t know how Ilya got his massive body to fit into the shower.
Rose scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Your bathroom is basically a dog wash station, we all know you sneak showers in the main one when no one is home.”
“Still. Is not mine. I would never pick that color.” Ilya made a face at the offending sex toy and J.J. snickered.
She pointed it at him next and shot her eyebrows up, questioning.
“I don’t take my sex toys into the shower, let alone leave them there. And if I did, you know I would not be embarrassed to say it was mine.” J.J. grinned and turned back toward the television.
“Maybe it’s Hollander’s.” Ilya’s voice was low and teasing as he looked up to meet Shane’s eyes, a smirk on his face.
Shane and Rose both rolled their eyes at the same time as she huffed. “It’s not Shane’s. I know what Shane’s stuff looks like.”
“Ew.”
“Not like that, idiot.” She flicked Ilya’s ear with her free hand and he swatted back at her.
Shane flushed in embarrassment as he listened to them talk about his own sex toys. But it was true, Rose had seen them in his dresser before and she knew that he would never pick something in such an off-putting color. Everything in his collection was a very tasteful shade of purple, thank you very much.
The screech of a chair across the floor made Shane’s head turn as Harris stood up from the dining room table. “It’s mine, Rose. Sorry.”
Behind him, Troy was blushing profusely and Svetlana watched him with her mouth pressed into a sympathetic line. Troy groaned and stood up before Harris could reach Rose.
“It’s not his.” Everyone turned to look at Troy and his blush deepened. “He’s just being nice and trying to spare me.”
Troy walked over and yanked the ugly green dildo from Rose’s hand as Ilya and J.J. descended into another fit of laughter. He flipped them off and made his way toward the stairs.
“Wait, Troy, why in the fuck did you pick lime green?” J.J. asked with tears in his eyes.
“Guys, c’mon. Leave him alone,” Harris warned them.
Shane felt a little bad for Troy as he watched him get even more flustered, his hand on the railing of the stairs, attempting to make his exit.
“I got really embarrassed when I went to buy it and grabbed the closest one I saw so I could get out of there faster.”
“Aw.” Ilya and J.J. sung in unison.
“Fuck both of you.” Troy walked up a few steps then stopped and turned back. “Rose, I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.”
She nodded sympathetically, but he had already turned and fled up the stairs.
“You better apologize to him when he comes back down,” Harris scolded Ilya and J.J., his hands on his hips. “If he ever comes back down.”
Ilya and J.J. at least had the decency to look guilty as they mumbled out their apologies, but they laughed a little more under their breath after Harris left to follow Troy.
“So, Shane, what does your dildo look like?” Ilya’s voice was teasing again, but when Shane looked up at him, his eyes looked genuine, like he actually wanted to know what Shane fucked himself with.
“You’re an asshole, Ilya.” He tried to go back to his reading even though he knew he wasn’t going to be able to focus on the words anymore.
“Oh, come on. What color is it? Is it big? I bet it’s big.”
Shane put his book down on his lap with a huff, his face full on burning now. He looked over as he saw J.J. and Rose exchange glances and small smiles that had Shane furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.
A knock at the door pulled his mind from whatever was going on with them and he sighed in relief at having an out from the conversation.
Rose went over to the door to let Ethan in as Shane stood up, leaving his book on the side table next to the chair.
“Hey, guys.” Ethan gave everyone a small wave. “Oh, is that the new F1 game?”
Ethan walked up to the back of the couch and stood over J.J. and Ilya, watching them play. Ilya rolled his eyes at Ethan’s question and Shane was glad that Ethan couldn’t see his face from where he was standing.
“Yeah, it’s fucking great.” J.J. responded to Ethan’s question, his laser focus on the television screen never wavering.
“I’ve been meaning to check it out, but I’ve been too busy with work.” Ethan leant over and braced his arms on the back of the couch as he watched them play.
Ilya glanced sideways at his face for a second before turning back to the game, a scowl forming on his face. Shane let out a small sigh and moved to greet Ethan with a hand on his shoulder and a kiss on his cheek.
“Hey, babe.”
“Yeah, hi.” Ethan replied halfheartedly, not looking away from the television.
Ilya huffed and Shane looked down to see his jaw clench and fingers press way too hard at the buttons of his controller. Shane ignored him and tugged gently at Ethan’s sleeve before walking toward the door.
Ethan finally turned away from the game and made his way over to Shane to press up against his back as Shane slipped his shoes on. Shane turned in his arms to kiss Ethan, but as he brought his face closer, Ethan laughed and pulled back to look at him.
“Wait, you’re not really gonna wear those ugly reading glasses to dinner, are you?”
Shane’s face flushed as he reached up and took his glasses off before setting them on the side table next to the door. A loud noise startled him and he looked over to see that Ilya had tossed his game controller onto the coffee table haphazardly. He stood up abruptly, nostrils flared and mouth pinched into a tight line as he stalked off to his bedroom, muttering something in Russian along the way.
Shane worried his lip between his teeth as he watched the door to the basement shut harshly. Ilya was always in extra prickly asshole mode whenever Ethan came over and Shane had no idea why. His friends had some reservations about Ethan sometimes and he’d been told on multiple occasions that he could do better, so he thought that might’ve been the source of Ilya’s ire, but his behavior was always more intense than everyone else’s and Shane was clueless as to the reason for it.
“Shane? Hello?”
Shane heard a snap of fingers right next to his face and he jumped a little before turning to face Ethan again. “Sorry, let’s go.”
“So, I was thinking about our anniversary,” Shane said as he pushed his fish around on his plate and smiled at Ethan from across the table.
Ethan was cutting into his steak as he hummed in acknowledgment for Shane to continue.
“I thought maybe I could cook for you. I’ve been getting a lot better at it lately and I think it could be nice.”
“Yeah, I guess. It’s not for like a month though, right? June something or other.”
Shane ignored the pang in his chest and pushed on. “June 23. And I just wanted to make sure you weren’t already planning something.”
Ethan shook his head and took a drink of wine. “I hadn’t really thought about it. Didn’t realize you wanted to make a thing of it.”
Shane looked down at his plate again and stabbed at his asparagus until the end of the stalk became mushy. He rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath before putting a smile back on his face and looking back up at Ethan.
“Well, I do. So, dinner at home is okay?”
“Sure. I bet the kitchen in my apartment would love to finally get some use.”
“Actually, I was hoping to do it at the house.”
Shane knew it wasn’t practical to do it in a place with so many roommates, but the truth was that he was most comfortable in his own kitchen. It might sound silly, but he had grown accustomed to the structure of the big kitchen at the house and the routines he had fallen into during his cooking journey over the past few months.
“I live alone, Shane. Why the hell would we have a date night in a house full of people? Especially that zoo.” Ethan chuckled and took a bite of his steak.
“I can arrange it so we won’t be bothered. It’ll be fine.”
Ethan sipped his wine again and shrugged. “Okay, whatever.”
“Thanks, babe.” He brushed off Ethan’s lack of enthusiasm and went back to his meal.
Shane grunted as Ethan pulled out of him and collapsed on the bed with a sigh. His cock was still hanging hard and leaking between his thighs as he looked over and saw Ethan with his eyes closed, arms crossed above his head, and a sated smile on his lips. With a huff, Shane crawled off the bed and made his way to the bathroom.
He didn’t always have trouble getting off when Ethan fucked him, but it had been happening more frequently lately. The worst part was that Ethan almost always left him to get himself off when they fucked, so he didn’t even notice when Shane started faking it and sneaking off to the bathroom to finish.
Shane stood at the sink and started stroking his cock quickly, wanting to get it over with as fast as possible. He looked up and locked eyes with his reflection, his cheeks burning in embarrassment at the realization of what he was doing.
He couldn’t remember when he had let it get so bad with Ethan. In the beginning, it was nice. Not perfect, but better than he had before and at least Ethan had wanted to keep coming around unlike his previous endeavors. At some point, it had turned stale and Shane struggled to remember why he had ever wanted to keep seeing Ethan in the first place.
He just couldn’t bring himself to end things. Some combination of being stuck in a routine he didn’t want or know how to break and a pit in his stomach that meant a fear of defeat and dread at having to start over again. It’s why he was so adamant about his plans for their anniversary, he was hoping to use the romantic evening to light a spark in their relationship again.
It didn’t help that there was also a small, petty part of Shane’s brain that didn’t want to give all his friends the satisfaction of being right about Ethan.
Shane tried to put it all out his mind and finish getting himself off, his hand working furiously along his shaft and thumb fingering the head occasionally. A montage of different images came to his mind as he worked toward his climax. There were guys lifting weights at the gym where he worked, a man getting blown in the porn video he watched the other night, the handsome doctor he passed during his morning run in the park every day. But it was a flash of golden brown curls, a cocky grin, and a pair of impossibly large tits that did it for him. He didn’t want to, but as soon as his mind had conjured up an image of Ilya’s gorgeous chest covered in freckles and moles, he was lurching forward and coming all over his hand and the countertop.
“Fuck.” Shane breathed the word out harshly into the silence of the bathroom.
After washing up and brushing his teeth, he made his way back to the bedroom. The lights had already been turned off and he could just make out Ethan’s sleeping form in the glow of the moon streaming in from the window. It was nearly midnight and Ethan drove them there, but he was feeling like shit and his desire to be back in his own bed was too strong to ignore. He put all his clothes back on and made his way outside to order a ride.
Shane walked into the pitch black of the house and squinted when he saw a soft light coming from the back door. When he made his way to the back and opened it, he immediately regretted it as he saw Ilya sitting on the top step of the stairs, a joint in hand and smoke falling from his lips. Ilya turned and saw him before he could sneak back inside and Shane sighed as a grin found its way to Ilya’s lips.
Ilya got up and descended to the bottom of the staircase before turning back to Shane. He leant against the wooden railing, all cocky and effortlessly sexy and it pissed Shane off so much that he was so turned on by it.
Shane shut the door behind him and sat where Ilya just was. “Why’d you go all the way down there?”
Ilya shrugged and took another pull of his blunt. “You don’t like the smell.”
“Oh,” Shane spoke softly. “Thanks.”
Ilya gave him a small smile and shrugged again. Shane’s stomach flipped and he ignored it as he continued to watch Ilya. He was shirtless and Shane’s cheeks flushed just a little as he thought about what he was doing while thinking about that chest not even thirty minutes ago.
“What are you doing back? Did you and Prince Charming have a fight?” Ilya’s voice was light and teasing, but there was something else in his tone that Shane couldn’t parse out.
“Fuck off.” Shane had said those words to Ilya so many times over the last three years that he had been living with him and they hardly held any heat anymore, especially not when Shane was too exhausted to put any real weight behind them.
“Oh, probably worse than a fight. You had sex.” Ilya blew smoke out of his mouth and Shane bristled as his words hit the nail on the head. He was just teasing, but he was right and it soured Shane’s mood even more.
“Why are you such an asshole to him?”
“I am an asshole to everyone. He is not special.”
“No, you aren’t.” And it was true, Ilya was cocky sometimes and he loved to rib everyone in the friend group, especially Shane, but it was all mostly playful and showy.
Ilya’s eyes warmed a little at Shane’s words and he smiled up at him, tentative and real this time. Shane felt something unfurl in his chest and he looked down at his lap, unable to handle Ilya’s gaze for a second longer.
Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Ilya take another pull.
“He deserves it.”
“Why? Did he do something to you?”
“Not to me, no.” Ilya said pointedly.
Shane held his gaze for a beat. Ilya’s eyes were unwavering as they bore into his and implored him to get what he was saying. The problem was that, for once, Shane did get the unspoken message. He just wasn’t interested in receiving it.
“Whatever,” Shane mumbled and leant forward to press his head into his knees, his arms coming up to cover his face.
He sat like that for a moment with his eyes closed, taking deep breaths and trying to stave off the buzzy, itchy feeling creeping onto his skin. The combination of frustration, anxiety, and exhaustion was taking its toll on him and he just wanted to crawl into bed and forget about the world.
“Shane.” Ilya’s voice was soft as he spoke and the tenderness in it made Shane lift his face from his arms and look back down at him.
“You want?” Ilya held his joint out to Shane.
Shane almost pulled a face at Ilya and declined immediately, as was his usual reaction to being offered drugs of any kind, but he stopped himself and hesitated, eyes fixated on the small white blunt in Ilya’s fingers. He normally hated the lack of control that inevitably came from indulging in anything of the kind, but his anxiety spiking had him second guessing that stance.
“I don’t know… I haven’t in years.”
Ilya walked up the steps until he was standing between Shane’s spread legs a couple steps down from him. Shane’s heart thudded in his chest as Ilya brought a hand up and gripped his chin lightly. Ilya moved so casually, as if this were something they did all the time and that assured nonchalance flooded Shane’s skin with warmth.
“Open your mouth.”
There was just something about the way Ilya was handling him. His fingers were firm, but not bruising. His words were commanding, but not harsh. And his pretty blue eyes were gentle as they implored Shane to listen to him.
Shane was letting his mouth fall open almost immediately after Ilya had told him to.
Ilya took a long pull and then leant over, bringing his face so close to Shane’s, he could feel Ilya’s lips ghosting his own. He cocked his head a little to the side and blew the smoke directly into Shane’s mouth before closing it with his fingers.
“Take it in, Shane.” Ilya’s breath was hot against Shane’s mouth as he spoke.
Shane breathed in deeply, taking Ilya’s smoke into his lungs and was relieved when he only let out one small cough on the exhale. Ilya pulled back a little and laughed softly at him, but when Shane met his eyes, there was fondness there, not teasing. The weed tasted disgusting, but Shane didn’t care. His mind was too focused on the way Ilya’s lips had felt against his own and the tenderness in Ilya’s voice as he directed him. His skin was certainly buzzing now, but it had nothing to do with his anxiety.
Ilya climbed the steps to the top until he was standing over Shane and looked down at him, eyes somehow equal parts sad and warm. He brought his hand up to ghost his thumb along the apple of Shane’s cheek softly, making Shane’s eyes fall shut.
“Let me know when you're ready to take what you deserve, Hollander.”
The words hit Shane in the chest like a bullet and he didn’t open his eyes again until well after the thumb on his cheek had disappeared.