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Dear Derek,
If you're somewhere out there in the spiritual world, then I hope this letter finds you well.
Sorry it took me this long to reply to your final message. I had trouble trying to follow your last words, much less had the emotional stability to even consider writing a reply.
Much has changed in the 3 months you've been gone. The footage of you and the events that transpired have gone viral across the entire world. You can rest easy, your memory has been sowed into the hearts of many; or so I've read online. You'll never be forgotten.
As for me? I took the decision to take a semester off from my studies to collect my thoughts. It'll probably put me behind my peers, but I think the thought of trying to focus on a lecture while you are still fresh in my memory would've torn me apart.
Lol it was kinda funny actually when I finally got my bearings since I kinda became a neet for 3 months. To see all those notifications from everyone I knew just start blasting my phone. In fact, I think it almost killed the poor thing with how many times it dinged. I think you would have laughed if you saw it—or maybe you wouldn't have. Probably the latter, you didn't come across as the easily amused type during the short time we knew each other for.
Or maybe I just think that way because I never got to see you smile.
That reminds me actually, about your whole predicament. You mentioned that you had knowledge of everything that was, is, and will be right? Does that mean you know everything about me? How is that fair… you have leverage against me in every single way and I don't even know ONE single embarrassing thing about you?
Well, not like you can use it now anyways…so is that a W for me? Who am I kidding I'm DEVASTATED.
Maybe I haven't recovered much as I would have hoped when I decided to first write this letter. I feel the tears coming and the inevitable breakdown that comes with it. I blame you btw for this, Derek. You WILL be payinh for my therapy.
It kinda would be funny tho—or maybe a headache to you—tryinv to explain to the therapist what made me feel like exploding into a million tiny slime specks in the first place. Or maybe it would make me look insane.
Scratch the maybe, kt would 100% make me look insane. Probably would have submitted me to the psychiatric ward too or sumthing like that…
It just. It just feels so damn bad, you know? Knowing that you saved me not once, not twice, but THRICE, while I supposedly had no way to save you. “But Avery, you did so much for me! You made me witness things that were absolutely beautifu—” thank you for the glaze, but I feel like both statements can exist at the same time, no? Is it so bad to wish that you were able to keep those memories until we both grew wrinkly?
Now I have to grow wrinkly on me own. Dang nabbit. :(
Still blame you btw. Slash enn emm slash sarc.
Is it obvious I still miss you? I tried my best not to show it in writing, but I think sum of jt seeped through. Chat is it aura loss to still be in grief after 3 months for a guy you know almost zilch about that you only met for less than an hour.
It's pathetic, isn't it? Wishing you were still here, hoping you are still alive, wanting to get to know more of the you that saw everything in the silly me… I really want to keep moving forward, Derek, I really do. It's just really difficult to do so without you.
But I think I'm getting there, slowly but surely. That doesn't mean I'll forget you though, I don't think anyone can after experiencing what I did. You called me special, you called me everything that I didn't think that I was. You were someone who believed in me full heart and soul, and I think you might have been the only one who did.
And now you're gone.
Sorry, I think I'm getting a little bit too emotional to continue this letter with the suave I want it to have. I'm gonna cut it short here.
Until next time, Derek.
Love,
Avery