Archive of Our Own

It started at dinner. Nami and Robin had yet to arrive at the dining room, leaving the male Straw Hats to talk amongst themselves at the table while Sanji put the finishing touches on their food. Zoro leaned back in his chair with a yawn, already looking ahead to a night of training following a post-dinner nap. 

“I’m surprised Nami didn’t kill you right there,” Usopp remarked as he emptied a teabag into a glass of water, replying to a story Luffy was in the middle of telling. 

Luffy shook his head, that easygoing laugh aplenty. “She shouldn’t have let me go to that booth in the first place! What I was supposed to do, not punch the hedgehog’s head off? The sign said punch it as hard as you can, so I did!”

“But it didn’t say break this dummy that costs 5 million berries to replace, either,” Franky cut in. 

Luffy shrugged. “Meh, I made it up to her anyway, so I’m fine.”

“How could you have possibly made up a loss of any amount of money to Nami, let alone FIVE MILLION BERRIES?” Usopp asked. Even Zoro was intrigued; to that witch, money was religion. 

“Uh, y’know,” Luffy drawled, oddly awkward and pensive about his answer before half-heartedly shrugging. “Chores and stuff, I guess.”

“She took a body part, didn’t she?” Usopp asked, ducking under the table. “Let me check those toes, Luffy! I better see ten of them!”

“In my era, there was another body part they’d cut off over money owed,” Brook cut in, the holes where his eyes used to be curling with dread. “It makes me clench my legs just thinking about it, and my Little Brook is just empty space around a pelvic bone now!”

The mere thought made Zoro flinch, and he wasn’t alone — even Chopper understood that pain.

“Oh no,” Usopp whimpered as he nearly choked on his tea, performative but concerned nonetheless. “Don’t tell me Nami slashed the D. out of your name…you’re just Monkey Luffy now!”

“She didn’t cut my dick off, Usopp!” Luffy barked. “Plus, she definitely —”

Luffy cut himself off, again stammering with hesitation. “Uh, would think that was gross.”

Zoro narrowed his eyes, finding Luffy oddly evasive. It was no secret that the man was horrible at keeping secrets, so he must have been struggling mightily not to blab something. Knowing Nami, it had to have been equal parts embarrassing and ruthless.

“Sheesh, that witch must’ve traumatized you,” Zoro snickered.

The swordsman could swear he caught the slightest hint of a smirk from Luffy before Jinbei interrupted. “Nami is frightening. I certainly don’t envy you, Captain!”

Luffy flinched again, squinting his eyes with apparent embarrassment. Sheesh, what did she do to him?

“Uh, oh yeah, that reminds me…” Luffy began, tapping his fingers against the table. “Can you guys not call me ‘captain’ anymore?”

Now Zoro wasn’t just baffled, he was legitimately worried. While long past regarding Nami as the shady character she appeared to have been back in Orange Town…well, there was a reason his comparisons of her to evil female apparitions were only partially in jest. Piss her off enough and she might as well have been Big Mom Jr.

“Luffy,” Chopper murmured, hooves clattering. “A-Are you stepping down?! Oh no…”

“Oh no, no, no,” Luffy reassured with a dismissive wave. “I’m still captain! Just don’t use that word!”

“Why not?” Usopp asked.

“‘Cause I don’t want to,” Luffy replied, half-heartedly shrugging a single shoulder.

“Sure thing, boss,” Sanji said, setting glasses on the table.

Luffy folded his arms with goofy wonder. “Hehe, I like that. ‘Boss.’ BOSS LUFFY.”

“Oh jeez, here comes the quarterly evaluations next,” Usopp joked.

Zoro looked up to the ceiling and laughed, relieved that it appeared to just be another of Luffy’s weird whims rather than Nami's doing. Soon, she arrived at the dining table alongside Robin.

“Hello, boys,” Nami greeted. She settled her eyes on Luffy specifically. “Hey, Captain.”

Two things Zoro noticed — one, she called him captain, a label which Luffy had just declared he was washing his hands of and so a reaction was incoming. And two…there was a flirty flavor to Nami’s voice when she addressed him. Maybe he had spoken too soon…

Strangely, Luffy said nothing. Hell, the only reaction he offered at all was a slight, nigh-imperceptible twitch of his brows.

The Straw Hat males all watched Luffy expectantly, but the so-called boss just idly spun his cup.

“So…what about the whole ‘captain’ thing, ‘boss?’” Zoro finally asked, lacing the last word with mockery.

Luffy appeared genuinely confused until his eyes lit back up. “Oh, yeah. Nami…”

He turned to face her with a rigid expression, the type of face he’d make when trying not to laugh.

“I don’t want anybody on the crew calling me captain anymore,” he said in a robotic deadpan that Zoro would have almost taken as sarcasm had Luffy not been so horribly versed in the concept. “Ever.”

Nami arched a brow, but lit up a beat later just as Luffy had. “Oh, sure, no problem. I will never call you captain ever again.” It was even the same flat deadpan. A smirked tugged her lips before she added, “In any context.”

Zoro looked back at Luffy, who was focused on his plate. Once more, again almost imperceptibly, a smirk appeared on his face and vanished just as fast.

The first mate squinted his one working eye. Something was amiss…

Zoro doesn’t get lost.

What really happens, is that the paths fail him. What should be straightforward trails to wherever his five senses lead him get bogged down by unnecessary turns and corridors ushered by poor communication. Some day, the world would have to catch up with Roronoa Zoro, but until then he would follow the compass of common sense and let everything else sort itself out.

Now, did he have no earthly idea where the fuck he was on this island? Sure. But that was just how the cards fell a time or two dozen.

At the moment, Zoro was wading through the groves of teal and purple shaded flowers, supposing that velvety citrus aroma wasn’t the worst scent to smell in his aimless wanders. Still, he had left in search of booze and a sandwich, and neither of those seemed nearby.

Growing impatient, he picked up his pace until his foot slipped on something. He caught his balance quick enough to avoid falling onto his face, but spun around to see who or what dared trip him. What he found wasa simple blanket and basket, and upon looking up realized he was under the shade of an enormous tree bearing blue bananas and purple leaves. While the field was certainly ideal for a picnic, people should still watch what the fuck they leave laying around unattended. For all they knew, Zoro was a territorial bear. 

Whatever. Opting to drop it, Zoro resumed his search for civilization. Ditching Usopp may have been a bad idea after all. Following a few turns, Zoro proudly smirked. Certain he was getting closer to town, he slowed his pace and contentedly rested his eye as he walked the trail. However, the longer he went, the more that citrus scent lingered. He stopped. Looked up. Purple leaves and blue bananas attached to a gigantic tree. 

Fuck.

Judging from the shape, it was clearly the other side of the tree he’d left minutes earlier. At least there was no blanket to trip him up this time. But, thinking about that just reminded him of sleep, and as if the fabric had been imbued with sand or an anesthetic, he yawned. Unlike mere mortals, Zoro didn't need a blanket to rest in the wilderness; so he sat down against the jagged tree trunk, kicked his feet out on the grass, and closed his eyes.

His attempt at sleep only made it about a minute before voices emerged from behind.

“I already made it up to you, didn’t I?” That was definitely Luffy, drawing closer to him from the opposite side of the tree. If that had been anyone else on the crew, he would have been pleased to find somebody he could follow to civilization, but his captain-who-didn’t-want-to-be-called-captain was an oaf with zero sense of direction.

“Yes, and while you made my little cat burglar very happy,” replied a flirt of a voice that could only belong to Nami, “All my big brain can process is 5 million berries flushing down the drain.”

Zoro didn’t move a muscle. Their voices remained right where they were, the other side of the stout tree trunk. Was that blanket there's…?

Now, sure, those two along with himself had been a crew since before they even had a Jolly Roger. But Nami and Luffy were not on the “Hanging out” kind of wavelength, and never had been. Zoro leaned closer against the tree…

“Oh come on, we can make all that back easy,” Luffy said.

“And just how do you plan on doing that?” Nami asked with her typical malaise.

Silence followed. Typical Luffy, probably searching far and wide for an overdue justification behind words he’d spoken thoughtlessly.

“Don’t play dumb, Nami…” Luffy finally answered, his voice lowering to a raspy husk that defied his capabilities. Zoro gulped, alarmed by what it all suggested — and then Nami responded with a gasp that only fanned the flames. “There’s plenty of other wimpy pirates hangin’ out around here.”

“Oh yeah…?” Nami asked, her voice sounding labored, almost whimpering…and quite evidently aroused. Okay, now Zoro had to clamp his teeth down to stop himself from voicing his shock. 

“Of course,” answered Luffy’s incomprehensible voice. “And I’m gonna kick all their asses…”

“And then what…?” Nami purred.

If Zoro’s jaw hadn’t already sunk, the distinct sound of lips smacking flesh damn sure finished the job.

“Then we’re gonna steal everything they have ‘til there’s nothing left,” Luffy answered, filled to the brim with control and confidence that made Zoro seriously ponder if he had been possessed. “All those diamonds, pearls, gems, gold.”

“Gold…?” Her voice trembled, teetering dangerously on the edge of its limits. Zoro covered his ears, head whipping around in desperate search of the quietest escape route.

“And if that’s not enough, you can just find some excuse to raise Zoro’s debts.”

Indignantly, Zoro tossed the dilemma aside and dropped his hands, exercising every bit of mental restraint to keep from popping out and turning Luffy into rubber sashimi. 

The offer was apparently so overwhelming that Nami started dry-heaving. “Uh huh…?”

Another pause. Another smooch.

“And charge him interest.”

“How much interest…?”

“100%...?” Luffy pondered.

Nami hissed back a moan. “Luffy…”

“Oh, did I say one hundred? I meant two hundred…” Luffy teased with a snicker.

“L-Luffy, please…!” Oh, she was sounding downright desperate now. Zoro’s entire face went crimson. It was a true shipwreck, and he just couldn’t leave no matter how badly he wanted to.

“You know what? Let’s make it three hundred percent.”

“Fuck!” Nami squealed, more primal than human as Luffy sounded clearly proud of his work.

“Mmm, that’s my greedy little navigator…” he regaled as Nami’s voice helpless sighs and shudders raged on. “C’mon, I know that’s not all you want.”

“Please…” Nami murmured, her voice reduced to a thin breath.

“Please, what…? Where does my navigator wanna go?”

“Fuck me, captain!”

Zoro literally clamped his jaw shut with both hands and with urgency he couldn’t have found even if Dracule Mihawk himself were right in front of him, executed a somersault that rolled him away from the scene of the crime without making a sound. The poor bastard was so frazzled he just kept the literal ball rolling until he was tumbling down a whole hill. His descent didn’t end until he collided with somebody — better than hitting the ground, but it sure still smarted.

“Zoro?!” yelled a familiar scratchy voice as Zoro rubbed his head and reoriented himself. When he looked up, the sight of buildings and passerbys relaxed his breathing. Mercifully back in civilization and far the fuck away from that abomination he’d just heard.

To his left stood Usopp, peeved and dusting himself off as he gathered a plastic seed bags. “I leave you out of my sight for one second and you wander off! And then you just come barreling into me? I've got some very important seeds here, y'know!”

Zoro hissed, not about to be lectured by the long nosed liar like some lost toddler. Usopp leaned in closer and examined him with worry. “Wait, what happened?” he asked. A lot. “You look like you saw a ghost…”

Before Zoro could make a response, Usopp shrieked. “Oh crap! There weren’t ghosts in the forest, were there, Zoro?!”

Zoro arose with a shake of his head and a brush of his swords. “No…no ghosts. But there was something far worse than that…”

A chill came over the sniper's face. “Oh, just what we needed on this island! Something so bad, even you're spooked and running away!”

"First of all, I'm not scared!" Zoro snapped, "And second of all, it's not an enemy...just something I'd rather forget. But it'll be over soon...God willing." 

"Well, y'know, if you're trying to forget something, I've got a few plants here that will help," Usopp said with a rehearsed delivery, propping his bags up. "Of the inhale-able and drinkable variety, maybe coming soon to a store near you!" 

"Spare me the business pitch, Usopp," Zoro scoffed.

Usopp wagged his finger. "Tsk tsk, no vision. Now, Luffy, he sees the potential in my genius!"

Oh, Luffy was seeing something, alright. Zoro growled and went on the hunt for the first bar he could find, hoping a bottle could erase that cursed audio from his memories. With Usopp following his lead, he began his march.

Well, that sure as hell solved the whole “captain” controversy.

While Usopp wove tall tales and demonstrated some of his herbs to a captive audience at a table in the back, Zoro sat atop a barstool with a mug of sake glued to his hands and a half-eaten onigirazu sitting on a plate in front of him. His intent was to flush that conversation from his mind, but it was like the more he drank, the more it glued itself.

Realistically, the true shock was simply the unexpectedness of it all. But the fact that it was them? The navigator and the *shudders* captain? It harkened Zoro back to the days when the Straw Hats Pirates was just the three of them; a swordsman with a vow, a navigator with something to hide, and a captain with a dream that was in way over his head. Back then, Luffy had been a bit more rogueish; but as the crew grew in numbers and the stakes along with it, his focus narrowed. Of course, Zoro could say the same about himself, but that wasn’t the point. It just brought to a mind a brief conversation the two of them had shortly after Nami joined…

The loudmouth with the long nose left, sparing the makeshift trio some noise so they could eat in silence. Though the hospitality was appreciated, the rinkydink town didn't have much else to offer.

Nami stood up and stretched. “Alright fellas, I’m gonna go to the little girls’ room before we leave town. Please try to behave yourselves so we’re not getting chased back to the ship.”

While Luffy laughed and said “We’ll try,” Zoro rolled his eyes as she walked away, following her every step to make sure she was going where she’d said. Though she'd been playful, he found her stuck-up attitude about pirates obnoxious and considering she’d apparently already tricked Luffy and betrayed him once, her intentions left him more than a little cagey.

“Sheesh, you invite her to the crew and she starts actin’ like she’s the captain,” he grumbled before taking a swig of beer.

“Heh, yeah. But she’s really smart, though; she knows what she’s doing. I trust her,” Luffy replied, gaze traveling from the chicken bone to the bathroom door she’d entered. Zoro hummed into his bottle; he supposed for now, it was good to have somebody who knew their way around the seas and had an eye for the treasure. What was a pirate crew without a good thief, after all?

Ironically, the bossiness already working Zoro’s nerves was the one thing keeping him from completely writing her off as shifty and untrustworthy. If she was just trying to swindle them, she wouldn’t care at all.

With a slight smirk, Luffy added, “Plus she’s pretty hot. That doesn’t hurt.”

Zoro set down the bottle to laugh in agreement. “Tell me about it. Definitely ain’t the worst thing to look at if I’m gonna be cooped up on a ship.”

Luffy gawked at Zoro with his curious, owlish eyes. "You ever mess around with girls?”

Zoro shrugged, a little relieved that the guy finally brought some evidence that he was a teenager and not a kid playing pirates completely fixated on adventure. “Here ‘n there, in between jobs. Might as well leave a bar with somethin’ before I call it a night. You?”

“Nahh,” Luffy said with a wary shake of his head. “Too busy training and explorin’ stuff. Just wasn’t around ‘em enough back home.”

“Well you’re a better man than most,” Zoro snickered. “I’ve seen pussy get plenty of pirates caught up. Easiest time to catch them is when they’re trying to get their dick wet.”

“Yeah, especially now that I’m hitting the sea for real? Too much drama and feelings ‘n crap that I don’t need,” Luffy replied, tapping a chicken bone against his plate.

“Exactly. Pretty as that navigator is, you crack that compass while she’s still working with us and it’ll throw everything completely off course.”

With a chuckle, Luffy nodded in agreement. Zoro observed him as he preoccupied himself with the remains of his chicken bone. While many, many questions remained about Luffy’s intelligence, there was no doubting his ability to see the bigger picture.

Nami returned, wiping off her nose with a that smug simper on her face as she sat back down beside Zoro in the booth.

“Almost sneezed my lungs out in the bathroom. Don’t tell me you two were whining about me.” She closed her eyes and turned her nose up with even more arrogance from her unlimited reserve. “Or what, gushing about how cute I am? Don’t worry, I know.”

“You wish,” Zoro scoffed. She stuck her tongue out at him and he turned away from her with an indifferent wave. Sure, she was right, but if her ego got any bigger their ship would capsize.

Luffy sat amused by their exchange, but soon something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention…

There was only one woman Luffy had ever expressed interest in during their journey, as far as Zoro knew, and it was the very first. But still, Luffy had point-blank ruled out ever acting on interest of any kind to stay locked in, and had stayed true to it. Zoro himself had strayed earlier, but that was only during the two years following Sabaody where there wasn’t anything to do but get his ass kicked by Mihawk, drink…and fuck Perona until either he got too tired or she did — whichever came first, pun intended.

And then, of course, Nami. In the context of two friends, she came off as tolerant of Luffy at best — but, the guy saved her from slavery and carried her up a mountain in the freezing cold, and she very well may have been the only person in the world he let wear his precious straw hat. Enough of a foundation to assume mutual interest, but they sure as hell never showed it beyond Luffy’s one remark. Hell, maybe they had and Zoro had just been either too drunk or too not-giving-a-shit to notice. Considering how effectively Luffy got her unglued, they’d obviously been sailing to Poundtown behind everybody’s back for a while. The background wasn’t for him to understand.

At that thought, Zoro did squeak a laugh. Luffy was such a simple-minded, childish buffoon that barely cared enough to speak coherently but evidently a cunning linguist at dirty talk. And of course money and thievery would turn that greedy cat burglar into a cat in heat.

“THERE THEY ARE!”

It was Luffy’s customary blaring screech of a voice…which just made Zoro shiver after all that thinly-veiled filth he'd heard him saying to Nami back there. Predictably, he joined Usopp in whatever shenanigans he had cooked up. And speaking of the devil…

“Ah, there you guys are! God Usopp giving a sermon, I see!” Nami yelled. Now there’s a voice that definitely sounded pretty fuckin’ different to his deflowered ears.

The berry-fiend hopped next to him and raised her hand towards the bartender…whom Zoro now realized was a buxom woman with silver hair but a youthful face that was pretty damn easy on the eyes, to put it lightly. Maybe he ought to revisit his pirate hunter days…he swiftly shook himself lucid.

“Could a foxy lady like you get a fellow foxy lady a couple brewskis?” Nami asked. She jabbed her finger down at Zoro. “It’ll be on the grinch’s tab.”

“What?!” Zoro growled.

The platinum-haired bartender raised her eyebrow. “So I assume you’re his lucky foxy lady?”

Zoro squirmed at the mere thought while Nami howled with laughter. “Oh nooooooooo, not in a million years!”

“Gee, Nami, I dunno, maybe you need to deny a little harder,” Zoro grumbled.

Nami ignored his grievance and slapped his shoulder. “This is just one of my few ways to recoup aaaaallllll of the money he owes me!”

Following a smirk and disapproving hum from the bartender before she turned around to the bottle rack, Zoro growled at the navigator. “Go ahead, tell her Mihawk almost killed me with a pocket knife next, why don’t ya? Such a big help…”

Nami leaned back with pleasant surprise. “Roronoa Zoro, are you telling me that you actually don’t put the ‘A’ in asexual?”

“Not any more than the ‘captain’,” Zoro snidely replied with a sip from his mug. Nami turned her head forward, away from Zoro; but even in his limited peripheral vision he could see her lips curl into a distant, bawdy leer that said “I beg to differ” without needing to open themselves. The bartender returned with mugs just in time for Nami to conceal her face with one of them.

One last look at the alluring bartender was enough to put Zoro in a petty mood. “Those banana trees out there; sure are nice, huh?” A big bite to finish off his onigirazu followed.

“Yeah…” Nami replied, her voice sounding just a wee bit more timid than it had been. “You saw them?”

“Yup,” he said with a contented sigh after scarfing down the remains of his sandwich. “Did you know that some folks around here like to desecrate those trees by bumpin’ uglies under ‘em? Pretty crazy stuff…”

Zoro stood up, leaving Nami to chew on that before he traveled to the bathroom. He was just inches from the door when a slender forearm rammed into his chest and pressed him against the wall.

Rather than scowl or reach for his swords, Zoro just simpered. He had already braced himself for it even, and soon found himself face to face with a fiery glare from a lady with fiery hair.

“What did you hear?” Nami demanded.

For once, her intimidating brown eyes struck no fear in Zoro. “I knew you loved money, but I didn’t know it got you goin’ like that.”

In just two seconds Nami’s face was redder than the cardigan of the man who had talked her into such a tizzy. “You motherfucker…”

Zoro raised his hands in innocence. “Hey look, I’m not like Curly Brow, you just crashed my sleepy time with your sexy time. You and the…what’s his title again? I mean, you said it so hard, that was my cue to bail…”

Nami yanked her arm back and slapped both of her hands over her eyes. “Ugh, you map-illiterate fuck…”

Oh, Zoro was enjoying this very much. Served her right. “You sure that’s how you wanna talk to me? I mean, I’ve had a lot to drink tonight, there’s no telling what I might say; especially when that shitty cook’s around…”

With her thumb clenching her chin and the rest of her fingers scratching near her eye, Nami groaned. “Half…”

Zoro leaned forward. “Half of what?”

Actually, as much as fun as this all was, he cringed and dialed it down. Just a wee too close to Luffy’s banana tree territory.

Nami looked to the side and hissed. “I’ll waive half of your debts…” she said on autopilot.

Zoro narrowed his eyes. “All of it.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Nami snapped.

“70%.”

“You can’t even calculate what that is.”

That woman just couldn’t help herself. “ALL.”

Nami sighed in shame. “Seventy…five…percent.”

“Deal.”

Nami started to walk away without even a handshake, but Zoro blocked her path with his arm.

“Aht. See, you’d think it would be that easy, but you and I have known Luffy longer than anybody else. It’s not a matter of if, but when he slips up and spills the beans.”

“He’s made it this long...” Nami said with little conviction.

Zoro titled his head. Nami rolled her eyes in concession.

“I know when it’s all out in the open, you’ll just…find some excuse to raise my debts again,” he said in an ominous echo. “Luffy had you ready to flood the whole forest when he suggested it.”

Nami fisted her hips resentfully but rediscovered her haughtiness. “If that’s the case, why should I give you anything?”

Shit, Zoro grumbled in his mind. He may have overplayed his hand, and against the worst possible person to do that with, even. In search of an angle, he glanced back and forth between her and the captain. 

“Well…how serious are you two?” He finally probed. “Are you in it for the long haul, or is this just a fling? ‘Cause if it’s the latter, I’m sure you’d rather this end with nobody knowing a thing.”

Nami’s expression straightened, her pompous wall crumbling as she watched Luffy. She stood idle for a few moments, just long enough to put this silly little game in jeopardy of no longer being fun and make him consider dropping the issue before she finally answered.

“Fling.” It rolled off so casually it was almost flippant.

“Cool,” Zoro deadpanned, not looking to entertain the subject any further. “So in that case, I’ve gotta get some fun out of this one.”

“Ugh, why couldn't it have been Chopper? Shit even Brook, I could’ve just hiked up my skirt for half-a-second and it’d be all over. But noooo.” Nami plopped her hands on her hips and turned to face Zoro directly, scowl ever-present. “Fine, whatever. Do your worst.”

Zoro’s smirk spread with wicked intentions as he lifted his index finger. “Be my servant for one week.”

Nami backed away from Zoro with a face full of dread, soothing his black heart. He couldn’t savor it for too long though, because it only took twenty seconds for her flame to reignite.

“Wow…y’know you actually had me scared for a second,” Nami huffed. “But you barely do anything. Sure, you’re on; this’ll be easier than biting a tangerine.”

Zoro scoffed with a disingenuous smile. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to broaden my horizons a little bit. And who better to guide me than a navigator? Consider it your payment for two years of getting on my nerves.”

“Whatever. But if you spill the beans even by accident before the week’s up, the deal’s off!” With a firm jab of her finger, she added, “And sex is off-limits!”

“Eww, gross!” Zoro balked, his voice rising an octave. “Don’t flatter yourself!”

Nam gasped in self-centered indignation. “Wow, you didn’t have to accept it that hard!” With a pouty, aggrieved cross of her arms, she looked off to the side. “I’m hot,” she whimpered like a petulant child trying to reassure herself.

Zoro rolled his eyes. As he had expressed back in Syrup Village, there was certainly no denying her physical appearance, but she was more of a sister to him. The insufferable sister he’d put a bullet in and take a bullet for.

“Moving on…I’m assuming you’ll still drop my debts when the week’s over, right?” he asked. A begrudging nod followed. Zoro peered forward to look at the bar, specifically a certain somebody with silver hair. “How’s this for a first assignment? Clear my name with that bartender. Hell, I’m rusty, so I could use a wingman.”

Nami slumped her shoulders and let out a day’s worth of breath through her nose. 

“Fine, I'll go out there and show you how it's done," she huffed. "Luffy and Zoro finally prove they have functioning penises and I have to suffer for it.”

“Nobody told you to activate Luffy’s.”

“Fuck off.”

“Hey! Is that a way to talk to your boss?”

A part of Zoro’s mind was actually starting to feel bad about the blackmail. The unsightly snarl on Nami’s face sent it on indefinite leave.

*Ring!*

Nami groaned from her seat in the survey room. With her new…occupation…she had to keep the windows open in case she was quote-unquote needed. And from the sound of it, the typically idle swordsman was just full of tasks to be fulfilled. Begrudgingly, she slammed her map down on the table, stood up and looked out the window behind her desk. Up above her from the crow’s nest, a bulky arm was hanging from the window and jingling that godforsaken little golden bell.

She left the survey room and made the long trek to the crow’s nest, questioning every life choice she ever made with every climb up a rung. Memories of every insult, every debt, every threat, every punch to various body parts that she’d dished out to the mosshead over the years just flashing on an endless loop. When this was over, that bastard was gonna pay for every second he savored of her suffering.

When she entered the crow’s nest, the first thing to hit her was the distinct smell of sweat, noxious and overpowering. Leaning against the wall next to one of his impossibly-sized weight sets was the man himself, fanning off his face and running a towel along the back of his neck.

“Sheesh, took you long enough,” Zoro complained, an infuriating smirk all over his stupid face. And then he rang the stupid bell. “Does this mean nothin’ to you?”

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to fly,” she seethed through her teeth. “Now what do you want?”

“Well, I think I oughta keep my working area cleaner, y’know?” Zoro replied, looking around the nest with more intrigue than he’d ever shown any subject that wasn’t swordfighting. “So if you don’t mind?”

He pointed to a far corner of the room, where a spray bottle and a set of rags lay. Nami held her breath, the only way to keep from exploding. Just endure it, just endure it, just endure it.

Zoro snapped his fingers twice. “C’mon, now! This room ain’t gonna clean itself.”

Nami raised two white knuckles to her chin and marched ahead. After picking up the spray nozzle, she looked around while Zoro just waited on her with his arms folded. “Well…?” she asked.

“What?”

“What. Do you want me. To clean?”

“A little bit of everything — walls, the weights, the floor, the racks, the bench. Nothin’ major,” Zoro instructed, yawning and sliding down to a seat on the floor. His remained locked on her, smugness rising with every passing second. Which was fine, because Nami didn’t take her eyes off him either, trying to stab him with the sheer force of her glare.

Clean the area she did, scrubbing every panel of wood and every inch of steel like they were Zoro’s skin and her rags were made of sandpaper. She regretted wearing a pair of jeans she'd favored, having gotten sweat and grime all over the lower leg area.

“Sheesh, nobody ever showed you how to do chores?” Zoro chided. “Put some elbow grease in there!”

Nami slammed her rag on the floor hard enough to leave a dent. “No, I didn’t do chores growing up, I was too busy robbing stupid meathead pirates for every berry to their name!”

Zoro made himself extra comfy and propped his elbow against the floor so he could rest his head in his hand. “Yeah, well this meathead knows just what kind of effects those berries have on you.”

Stupid, sexy Luffy! Nami ranted in her mind. Left with no other responses to wield against Zoro, Nami went for the nuclear option. She blew a raspberry at him.

Mr. Roronoa pointed at her with his empty hand. “Aht! Clean that up.”

After taking a beat to muse for no particular reason about Navy torture techniques she learned from Bellemere, Nami did as commanded. Cleaning up her own spit? Pretty fun...had she been wiping it off of Zoro’s face instead.

And then that blasted bell started ringing again.

When Nami looked up, Zoro was now watching her from the bench as the barbell with gargantuan weights attached to it hung above him.

“Spot me.”

Nami pulled her lips back to restrain a torrent of obscenities. “Yeah, okay, I get it, ha ha ha annoy Nami, whatever. Please be serious.”

“I am!” Zoro replied, aghast to ever be accused of not taking it seriously. “C’mon now, Nami, I’ve taken your hits before. If you can beat the crap out of an emperor and his first mate you can lift one of these no problem.”

It wasn’t just the request that filled Nami’s mind with murder. It was the serene relaxation with which he spewed his nonsense. She genuinely couldn’t remember the last time that antisocial weirdo had spoken like that and of course he’d do it now.

“Zoro, how many times have you lifted those by yourself? Why do you need ME of all people to spot you, now?”

“My arms are pretty sore,” Zoro replied with a nonchalant shrug and a disingenuous “aw shucks” smile. “It’s either spot me or rub my shoulders-”

“OKAY,” Nami relented with a manic stare. After several stiff steps, she stood above Zoro and got an up-close view of his nauseating, upside-down, one-eyed grin. Oh, how she wanted to “accidentally” drop it on his neck. She put her dainty hands on the cold steel of the bar, and fueled by hatred in its purest, uncut form, flexed muscles in places she didn’t even know she had muscles to lift it about two inches above the rack before she felt like her entire body was going to spontaneously combust. After she dropped it, Zoro caught it pretty fucking effortlessly.

“See? I knew you could do it. Alrighty then…”

Once Nami moved out of the way, Zoro lifted the barbell with a grunt so loud, lengthy and gravelly, it might as well have been a mountain that he was lifting. “OOOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEE!”

Nami held her breath. Somehow, she got the feeling that he didn't struggle with these weights on a regular day.

“TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

What were seven days, anyway?

“THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Just, y’know, 168 hours.

“FOOOOOOOOUUUUURRRRR!”

More than enough time for her to learn the three-swords style and murder Zoro in cold-blood.

“I WILL BE…!” Zoro growled as he tried mightily to lift his arms for another rep. While his veins throbbed from his body and sweat rained from his face, it wasn't anywhere close to the level of duress his voice and theatrics implied.

“THE WORLD’S…!”

Zoro’s arms moved only an inch. Nami looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

“GREATEST SWORDSMAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!”

Like he had bombastic horns and percussion accompanying him, Zoro wrenched his arms up and lifted the weights high above his head.

“FIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!”

The Swordman let out a triumphant roar and chucked the weights ahead like a man whose arms had never felt better. When the weights smacked the hardwood, the impact shook the whole crow’s nest and knocked Nami over. Both of the weights slipped off the bar, rocking the crow’s nest again and sending Nami right back down on her keister.

“Zoro! You’re gonna make the whole crow’s nest collapse!”

“Nothin’ Franky can’t fix,” Zoro wheezed, waving her off.

All Nami could do was shake her head as she arose to her feet and tidied her clothes. Zoro sat back up, exhausted but relieved, and brushed his arm against his temple to wipe away sweat before pointing it at the weight. “Mind putting those back?”

“ZORO!”

“Oh, c’mon, Nami, you can do it!” Zoro encouraged. “You want to be the world’s greatest navigator, don’t you?”

“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!” Spit flung from her crimson face, she was so livid.

With a mischievous grin more befitting of her sneaky link, Zoro replied, “Navigate the weight back to the barbell!”

Nami squeezed two handfuls of orange hair and shrieked her vocal cords into tiny chunks. This motherfucker had the goddamn gall to get clever on her and nearly make her laugh, too?

With no resolve left to argue, Nami dragged her feet to the weight that was damn near her height, squatted down, and lifted it up just enough to push it upright against the wall. She bent down and heaved for air like she’d just battled an emperor, her shoulders and lower back screaming bloody murder. To get the cylinder of steel to the barbell without snapping her arms from their sockets, she nudged it off the wall and rolled it forward. When she reached the window, the air's cool breeze brushed against her face to provide a cruel reminder of what she could have been doing instead of Zoro work.

Longingly, she looked down the window — and that's when she found her straw-hatted salvation.

“HEY, LUFFY!” she called. Ignoring Zoro’s stammer behind her, she waited for Luffy to stop moving his head around in search and look up.

“What’s up?” Luffy yelled when he finally found her.

“Wanna come up here and give me a hand?”

“Sure!” Luffy yelled with a big, toothy grin.

While Zoro voiced his protests, Luffy stretched his arms to the windowsill and launched his way inside the crow’s nest. Sure, his landing knocked Nami over again, but it was a welcome disturbance. 

“Whatcha need, Nami?” Luffy asked. 

Nami pointed to the weights, barely able to lift her arm. “Can you put those weights back on the bar?”

As Luffy got to lifting, Zoro grumbled. “Hey! You can’t-”

“Um, excuse me sir, Luffy is your boss, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants,” Nami said, her bluster back in spades with her Captain back.

“Whatever,” Zoro muttered after Luffy put them back into place. 

“Thanks, babe,” Nami beamed, patting Luffy on his straw hat. Zoro lifted the barbell with one hand and set it back on the rack.

“Gee, not bad for somebody whose aRmS aRe SoRe,” Nami mocked.

“Is that all ya need?” Luffy asked, his eye on the window.

“Ummm…no,” Nami said, gears turning in her head. “Hang out for a little bit.”

“Alright! I like hangin’ out with you.”

Nami had been planning on side-eyeing Zoro and maybe blowing another raspberry at him, but instead all she could was swoon as a piece of her heart melted.

“You’re still on the clock, servant!” Zoro commanded as he went back to lifting.

“Yeah, yeah,” Nami dismissed. Luffy sat down against the wall and she joined him, crossing her legs and tapping her chin in thought.

“Hmmm, say, Luffy, you wanna learn a song me and Nojiko used to sing when we were kids?” Nami asked, watching Zoro out of the corner of her eye and enjoying the slight shudder her words triggered.

“Sure,” Luffy replied. “How does it go?”

Nami darkly chuckled, as that question was the operative phrase. She cleared her throat and pretending to harmonize so she could tune her voice. “Alright…” A deep breath followed.

“♫ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, yes on everybody’s nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, and this is how it goes… ♫”

Luffy leaned in with anticipation for the next part. Nami inhaled again…

“♫ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, yes on everybody’s nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, and this is how it goes… ♫”

A little confused, Luffy raised an eyebrow. Another inhale from Nami and…

“♫ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves…”

The light bulb finally activated in Luffy's head. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!” He laughed and joined in…

“♫ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, and this is how it goes… ♫”

The navigator glanced at the swordsman. Lifting the weights? Distant memory. Instead, he just glared at her and the captain out of bulging eyes, head ready to explode at any minute. That just spurned the duet on…

“♫ I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY’S NERVES, EVERYBODY’S NERVES, YES ON EVERYBODY’S NERVES. I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY’S NERVES, AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES… ♫”

By then, Luffy and Nami were waving and shimmying along in rhythm with the aggravating tune. Zoro couldn’t make it through half of another verse before he unleashed a frustrated howl.

“Goddammit, NO SINGING IN THE PREMISES!”

Nami complied but laughed her ass off, while Luffy just kept going.

“♫ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, yes on everybody’s…aww it’s not as fun without you, Nami,” Luffy whined, slumping his shoulders.

Nami was more focused on taking delight from Zoro’s scowl. However, Luffy’s boredom sparked another idea, one that harkened back to what triggered the madness. Lowering her eyelids, she turned to him and dragged her teeth along her bottom lip.

“Well, y’know Luffy, if you want something fun to do with me…” her voice dropped to a sultry alto as she rubbed his neck and pulled him closer. Her lips met his in a heated kiss, Nami’s spite fueling her to slide her tongue along Luffy’s and greedily work his mouth with enough saliva to make the room sound like a drainage pipe. She moved her hands to Luffy’s shoulders to push him down to the hardwood and slid on top of him…

“NO MAKING OUT IN THE PREMISES!” Zoro ordered.

Nami broke away from Luffy, wiping saliva from her curled mouth with a swimmer’s breath and zeroing in on Zoro and his big, dumb flushed face. “That’s fine.”

She looked down to Luffy and moved her hand to the yellow sash holding the waistline of his denim shorts. With a naughty smirk and a shrug she said, “I mean, he only said making out. He said nothing about-”

“NO SEX IN THE PREMISES!”

Nevertheless, Nami yanked off Luffy’s sash and tugged the zipper of his fly. “Didn’t say what kind of sex-”

“NO ORAL SEX, HANDJOBS OR FINGERING IN THE PREMISES!”

With a fake pout, Nami crossed her arms. “Ugh, you’re no fun, Zoro.”

Luffy sat up with a hungry gaze and clawed his greedy hand at Nami’s busom. “Overruled, captain’s order!”

Nami mushed Luffy’s face and shoved him back down. “Absolutely not!” Sometimes she hated just how open and shame-free that man was. She leaned away from his lap and sat up, not done with the nonsense just yet. 

Seductively, insatiably, she brushed her finger through Luffy's black hair.

“Instead, I'm just gonna sit here and think about when this is all over,” she husked, sliding her hand down to his jaw and relishing the way his expression darkened before her. “And I can just wind down, tear off all of my clothes and ride my captain’s big, stretchy-”

“NO DIRTY TALK IN THE FUCKING PREMISES!”

Nami pulled back and clapped her hands with laughter, Luffy joining in and even pointing at Zoro just in case Nami wasn't aware of the discomfort choking him to death.

“How about this?” Zoro said, exasperated. “No noise at all until I’m done. Surely even you two can manage that.”

“No promises, master,” Nami said with a coy grin, turning to Luffy and shadowboxing punches towards him. Luffy in turn caught her fists and took on the role of boxing coach and punching bag.

Zoro just shook his head and turned his attention back to his weightlifting, pushing ahead minus the theatrical struggle now that Nami had effectively won the war of irritation. Really, he should’ve seen it coming with her having Luffy on her side. But whatever; he had six more days to get creative and reclaim the upperhand. 

His reps continued for the next fifteen minutes, the two troublemakers tuned out. The past day honestly hadn’t been the worst — especially the preceding night. He could say a lot about Nami and her smart mouth, but that gift of gab made her one helluva wingman. He’d gotten pretty much all of his pent-up primal urges out of his system, though, so it was time to get back to business.

After one last rep, Zoro put the barbell back on the rack and wiped off his forehead, taking a long breath. He sparked with anticipation for another round of commands to Nami and sat back up with a smirk, opening his mouth to release them all

Instead, he only released a tiny gasp.

The only noise the dubious duo had been making were snores, as his would-be servant Nami slept comfortably in Luffy’s arms. Luffy’s head rested atop hers while she clung to him with an arm around his waist, treating him as her slim teddy bear. They looked so peaceful.

So…right.

Against his greatest, most cynical efforts, a smile betrayed Zoro’s lips. In fact, his entire face relaxed as whatever tension he’d kept bottled inside boiled away under the warmth enveloping his chest. The sight of those two like that brought back a sake-tinted memory that had eluded him until this very moment…

The celebration of Enel’s defeat had been quite the rager, and what with him having once again shed about half the blood from his body in a climactic battle, Zoro was just barely hanging on by a thread against the alcohol in his system, his vision fading in and out.

Usopp and Chopper were off where the Shandorians had been dancing, both knocked out while Sanji was nowhere to be found but probably either in the same shape or chasing skirts (and failing miserably). Robin? Last he saw her, she was talking to that one guy about the poneglyphs, and considering that was her whole thing, she probably still was. That left just him, Luffy and Nami, the original trio, as the last Straw Hats standing. Well, actually, now that he looked to his left, the two of them had succumbed to the sleep demon as well. 

The position they were in caught Zoro off-guard, though. Nami sat slumped against a log, while Luffy sat against her lap with his head resting on the chest that the stupid cook probably would’ve chopped one of his hands off just to even get one poke of with the other. One of her arms hung above his shoulder and held a mug while the other was folded against his collar, keeping him steady against her. Luffy slept with a peaceful smile on his face, and while Nami’s eyes were obscured by the brim of Luffy’s straw hat atop her head, a smile was visible on her as well. 

Zoro blinked and laughed, trying his damndest to stay awake in case Sanji arrived in time to see them like that. As his vision gave way to darkness, he saw what vaguely appeared to be Nami convulsing with a hiccup and lifting the arm that rested against Luffy’s collar to pet his hair. The last thing he saw before sleep finally declared victory was Nami bending down and lowering her head…

Yeah, it had definitely been more obvious than just Luffy remarking that she was hot once.

And Zoro got the feeling that this wasn’t a fling, even if the two of them hadn’t realized it yet.

Legitimate or not, though, Zoro was too absorbed in his back and forth with Nami to call it quits. But he would’ve been the biggest bastard in the world to interrupt such a scene, so instead he grabbed a water bottle from one of the window sills as quietly as he could, took a swig, wiped himself off with a towel and bent down to begin his climb down the ladder. After one of his feet touched a rung, he took one last look at the slumbering pair.

“Enjoy the break, Nami.”

Nami opened her eyes and yawned, expecting the first thing she saw to be Zoro barking orders like a drill sergeant. Instead, she found Luffy doing the least Luffy-like thing possible: sweeping the floor.

“Luffy…?”

He looked away from the floor. “Hey, you’re awake.”

First, Nami realized that her head was resting against a pillow. Then she looked down and found two tangerines sitting atop a napkin by her feet while Luffy gathered up the floor debris into a dustpan. She picked one up and peeled the skin away, bringing it to her face once she was done, but there was one big problem: she couldn’t eat it, because her lips were stuck in a quivering smile.

She tried to scratch her hair, but her knuckle hit straw; that was when she realized Luffy’s black hair was on full display, and his hat was on her head. At that point, the only thing she could do was cover her mouth to hide light shudders.

“Luffy…” she said, her voice muffled and trembling. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Luffy replied, flat and unbothered. “But you’ve had a helluva day.”

Nami bit her bottom lip to settle her emotions down and took a belabored bite out of the tangerine. That soothing, wet citrus tapping her tastebuds certainly helped. “I guess I better enjoy this before Zoro goes back on his power trip.”

“Ehh, it’s fine,” Luffy replied as he set the broom down in a corner. “Zoro’s just having fun. He hasn’t done that in forever.”

After swallowing the chunks of the fruit, Nami perched her lips in thought. “He really hasn’t, huh?”

She thought back to the old days, before Sabaody, when Zoro wasn’t so above the shenanigans. When he joked about eating Usopp to scare those kids; when he struck a pose when they were seconds away from getting turned into wax statues; and of course, how could she forget the goddamn Tarzan yell in Skypeia. It may have been at her expense, but this was the first time he’d gotten to cut loose and be silly since everybody reunited; and she’d dished out her own fire against him plenty, anyway.

Loathe as she was to admit it, she’d missed her aggravating, doofus big brother.

Luffy stood in the center of the floor in wait but decided to sit down next to her eventually. He sad no words, just facing forward and stealing the occasional glance while she ate the tangerines he’d clearly left for her. Keeping her company.

This whole thing with Zoro started because she and Luffy agreed that this was just a fling. Two great friends with an attraction that simmered for years having improbably great sex. A captivating exploration of a side of Luffy that even if the cat burglar had been told in each of her previous eight lifetimes that it existed, she still wouldn’t have believed it. Their silly money-centric dirty talk that Zoro had been an accidental listener to was just an extension of that, two oddballs having fun with such an insane circumstance.

It couldn’t have been more than a fling because neither could afford to splinter their focus off to all of the work that romance takes when the stakes of their journey had gotten so high. And that was to say nothing of the impact on the crew dynamics.

Then again, if it were that simple, she wouldn’t have been trying so hard to keep it a secret in the first place.

She finished the last piece of the tangerine with a refreshed sigh and turned to Luffy, who’d been watching her with those mysterious, owlish eyes the wholetime. Losing herself in their presence and surrendering to instinct, she planted a tender kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, captain.”

He shrugged, laughing it off. “Ah, it’s nothing. Anything for my navigator!”

She offered the second tangerine to Luffy, but he waved her hand away. So she practically shoved it into his grip instead. Luffy of all people, needing to be convinced to eat something? He accepted it, though, and she rested her head against his shoulders as he chowed with nary a consideration for peeling the skin. The only thing on her mind was the present moment.

Nami sat on her bed resting her chin in her hands, straw hat still on her head and her lips paralyzed in an upcurl. Robin arrived with few dense books she set down on her shelf and sat down on the bed across from Nami with a inquisitive look.

“What’s wrong?” Robin asked.

“Hm. What do you mean?”

“You’re crying,” Robin replied with a smile that smelled of already knowing every neccessary detail.

“I am?” It was at that moment where Nami realized her vision was a damp puddle and pulled back in surprise. “Huh…”

“Zoro that bad?”

“No…” Nami shook her head. “These are happy tears, I guess.”

Robin curiously tilted her head with a smirk. “What exactly did you do for Zoro…?”

“Eww, gross!” Nami squeaked, echoing Zoro's discomfort from the day before. “No, it’s just…”

Robin leaned in closer. “Does it perhaps have to do with whatever it is that he’s blackmailing you for?”

Nami wiped off her eyes and giggled. “Okay, fine, me and Luffy are having a fling and you already know because you’re Robin and you know everything.”

“Oh, really? I was gonna say you and Sanji.”

Nami recoiled. “ROBIN.”

The archaeologist chuckled at the full-body shudder Nami experienced from the mere thought. “I kid, I kid. There were only so many mysterious disappearances and covert flirting you and your captain could get past me.”

"Yeah, we were probably having too much fun with it..." Nami sighed.

"If you don't mind me asking, how'd it start?"

Figuring that the archaeologist was digging for more info to give a better assessment, Nami obliged. "Remember that whole thing I told you about with the giant skunk spraying me and him in that forest a few weeks ago? Well, I left out the part where we washed up at the first hot springs we could find, and not here."

"I see..." Robin muttered, alit with suggestion.

With a red streak across her cheeks, Nami rolled her eyes. "Look, we were like 30 seconds from throwing up, and the Sunny was on the other side of the island, okay?! It's not like I planned it..."

That did little to deter the enigmatic smile on Robin's face. "No problem stripping in front of your captain, though."

"Well, that was the whole thing," Nami began, shrugging. "I wouldn't have felt comfortable even if it was Zoro's dumbass, but the fact that it was Luffy...I mean, there was one time in Alabasta after we beat Crocodile where he peeped on me with Usopp and Sanji, but I figured he was just tagging along with the boys. I wanna say there was something else on...Skypeia, maybe...? But besides that, I didn't think he'd so much as look in my direction by himself."

"...and you didn't like it," Robin concluded.

"Exactly. So I asked some questions that had been burning me for a while..." Nami's face flushed with heat, a lustful grin curling along her lips as her eyes glazed over aimlessly, "And I got some steamy, sweaty, sticky answers..."

"Oh my," Robin replied, bashfully, and the fact that she caught her of all people off guard made Nami giggle. "So I take it you two have continued clearing the air in secrecy ever since?"

"Indeed, we have." Nami's brows ridged. "But leave it to the Lord of Lostness to be the one to find it out."

“There’s a pretty simple solution to Zoro lording it over you, y’know,” Robin suggested with a quirked brow.

Nami covered her eyes. “Yeah, charge that son of a bitch until he has to pawn off his swords.”

“Now, Nami…”

The navigator swung her head back and groaned. “I know, I know. It’s just…”

She trailed off, leaving Robin to pick up the remains of the conversation. “I understand why you may not want to come out with it. But love can’t exist without faith.”

“Who said anything about love?” Nami asked, evasively.

“The woman who said she was crying tears of joy about a man while wearing his most prized possession.”

As if it would instantly prove Robin wrong, Nami tugged the straw hat off of her head...and all she got in response was a disbelieving giggle.

“I know it’s Luffy, and you’re afraid of all the what-ifs. But ‘what-if?’ sure didn’t seem to stop you from joining his crew.”

Nami hugged the straw hat close to her, hoping it would cushion the dense weight that overtook her chest.

Robin stood up, facing the door to leave but not without parting words. “I’m not saying you have to make a decision now. But you’ve been happier than I ever recall seeing you lately, so just make sure you don’t forget what it is that made you start calling that man ‘captain’ in the first place…” Miss All-Sunday’s expression took on a steamy glow. “In any context.”

“Robin!” Nami whined, squirming but with smitten giggles.

Robin left the room, and Nami followed after setting the straw hat down on her bed. As she walked the green blades of grass on the Sunny’s deck, she groaned at the sight of green strands of hair.

“Ah, there she is,” Zoro greeted with cordiality thinner than the sheet of paper he was holding in his hand and offering her.

“What the hell’s this?” Nami asked, snatching the paper from his hand.

“A list of compliments for you to say at dinner,” Zoro replied. “Memorize ‘em, ‘cause you’re gonna have to say one any time Sanji talks.”

Nami squeezed her hand through the bottom end of the parchment while literal steam shot out of her ears. There were two halves of her brain fighting against each other — the side that was giving serious consideration to Robin’s advice, and the side that wanted to take Zoro’s swords, shine them up real nice, and shove all three of them up his ass. It wasn’t even about the debt or the secret anymore, this was a battle that she was going to win.

“Oh yeah, and any time somebody at the dinner table says your name, you’ll have to meow.” Zoro cocked his head in mockery. “You are the cat burglar, after all.”

She tore an entire chunk off the bottom of the paper.

“Yes. Sir,” she growled like a lioness. 

“Don’t let me down, now!” Zoro said as he headed to the men’s quarters.

Nami’s entire body rumbled as her enraged mind struggled to devise some counterattacks. This battle required assistance, someone with the skills and smarts to beat Zoro into submission. After a quick scan of the Sunny’s deck, she found her answer.

“Usopp!”

The long-nosed sniper was watering his pop greens up above and hopped down to join her. “What’s up?”

She grabbed Usopp’s wrist and lead him to a corner of the Sunny where she wouldn’t be heard. “Down to piss off Zoro?”

“WHAT?!” Usopp yelped, eyes nearly popping through his goggles. “You might as well stick a brush in me and paint the walls of the Sunny with my blood yourself!”

Nami pinched the bridge of her nose. She wanted to just ask Robin, but her mischievous ass would definitely pull some trick. “Look, Usopp…” she began, softening her voice in an appeal to his sympathetic side. “Zoro’s being a jerk and blackmailing me, so I want to turn the tables on him.”

“That scoundrel! What’s he blackmailing you for?” Usopp asked, frowning with concern. Perfect, Nami thought.

“He caught me and Luffy—” Nami stopped herself, so lost in her stress she almost slipped. “...Stealing…” She looked around and the first thing she saw was the tangerine grove. “Tangerines…from a…” Searching around again, she found Brook playing his violin. “...Fossil exhibit at a museum.”

“How oddly nefarious,” Usopp remarked, unassuming.

“Well you know me, I just gotta have my tangies!” Nami stammered, trying to sound innocent. And tangies? What the fuck? “But he’s making me do all this embarrassing shit. I had to wipe all his sweat off the floor and his gym equipment,” she held up the piece of paper in his hand. “And he’s got this list of humiliating things he wants me to do at dinner tonight.”

“Aww man, that’s awful,” Usopp said, shaking his head in disapproval. “Is he making you clean his weapons, too?”

“Nope.”

Usopp grinned and tilted his head, and the reflection of the sun’s rays in his goggles hid his eyes behind a white light that made his expression so sinister, it sent a chill up Nami’s spine.

“Will ya clean mine…?”

Nami’s heart briefly stopped. Her stomach dropped to the pits of her body.

“U-Usopp…Wh-What are you…?!”

“Nami, Nami, Nami,” Usopp said with theatrical disappointment. “I thought you were a master thief, and you don’t even know the saying? ‘Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.’”

“What are you saying?” Nami asked, her tone dangerously measured.

“‘Stealing tangerines from a fossil exhibit,’” Usopp echoed in disgust. “Amateur hour! As a seasoned liar, that offends me. What, did you look around and blurt out the first things you saw?”

Fuck.

“Disgraceful. You know what that sounds like a cover for…?” Usopp pulled his head from out of the light to bring his smug eyes back into view. “How Luffy’s been hitting you with the Gum-Gum Pistol, but not with his hands.”

As much as Nami hated to admit it, he was right. This whole situation had her off her game; the real Nami would’ve woven a lie effortlessly…wait, that wasn’t the issue. She was cornered, that was it.

“I’ll waive all of your debts!” Nami blurted out. Goddammit, bitch, what are you doing?! she shouted to herself internally.

Usopp wagged his finger. “See, I don’t trust you to hold yourself to that.”

Nami dug deep into the darkest depths of her heart, that she likened to the residual spirit of Big Mom that lied in Zeus corrupting a part of her but truthfully always existed, and contorted her face into a wrathful glare.

“You’re right, Usopp — I won’t hold myself to that,” she said with a chilling, raspy, almost slimy calm as she yanked the straps of Usopp’s overalls. “I’m going to run those debts right back up, and you know what I’ll do next? I will gut you like a fish and spread your entrails all over the Red Line.”

For once, the coward didn’t back down, instead matching her evil but with glee. “Well I hope you enjoy it, ‘cause I’m taking you to hell with me.”

Nami tightened her grip on his overalls and forced him to his knees. “What’s it going to be, Longnose? Choose your next words very wisely.”

“C’mon Navigator…relax. I will help you against Zoro,” Usopp relented, but still looking nefariously in-control. “But you’ll need to do something for me…!”

“Don’t you dare…”

“Can you help me figure out a good gift for Kaya and what I should say to her?”

Upon the return of Usopp’s sheepish frown, Nami’s eyes burst in surprise…or, they would have, had she not been so deep in trenches of wickedness that her facial muscles were cramped. “What…?!”

“Please?” he urged, eyes fluttering.

After a deep breath, Nami mostly reclaimed herself from her black stupor and let him go. “Usopp, I oughta kick you in the dick anyway.”

“I know, I know, it’s just since Luffy’s been spending so much time with you now I need some entertainment,” he said, dusting the grass from his knees. “I kinda suspected something with you two after the whole ‘captain’ thing the other day, and that crappy lie just confirmed it. But, the thought of you two just had me thinking some things over about me and…her.”

“Awww.” Nami softened at the anxiousness in Usopp’s eyes, which she may or may not have recognized in a certain somebody. “But do the rest of the guys suspect anything?”

“Brook and Franky think you’ve been waterboarding him.”

Nami giggled like a kitten. “Not entirely inaccurate.”

“Yuck!” Usopp squirmed. “But you’ll help, right?”

“Of course! Only thing I know more than maps and weather are jewels,” Nami boasted, though it brought back memories of Luffy's serenade from the prior day and flushed her cheeks red. “Now what’s your plan for Operation: Mosshead?”

Usopp leaned into a huddle. “First…”

“♫ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, yes on everybody’s nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, and this is how it goes… ♫”

The first thing Nami heard when she entered the dining room was Luffy, Chopper and Brook singing the former’s new favorite song. Brook was even playing an accompanying melody on his violin. She had created a monster…then again, she could’ve said the same thing the first time they had sex. 

Sanji looked ready to put a bullet in his brain while Franky and Robin didn't participate, but shimmied along. Nami was tickled to know that for once, everybody being annoying was her deliberate fault.

But that wasn’t important. The war was on.

The other person most annoyed by that song? Zoro. Who Nami chose to sit next to. She put on her best phony smile. “Hello, sir!”

Despite the cacaphonic carols, Zoro’s smirk returned. “Hope you studied that list.”

“Indeed I have.”

“♫ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves…”

“NEXT PERSON WHO SINGS THAT BULLSHIT IS GETTING VEGETABLES ONLY!” Sanji warned, wielding a butcher knife. The singing stopped.

“I’m a merciful boss, so your assignment only starts when everybody’s served,” Zoro said.

“How considerate of you.” Bitch.

Usopp was the final person to arrive at the dining room and chose to sit across from Nami. The two of them exchanged a subtle nod. Sanji laid out everybody’s plates and took his seat, making Zoro Time officially underway.

Zoro jabbed his fork at the fish on his plate and nodded in approval. “Gotta admit, cook, this smells pretty good.”

Sanji looked over at his rival. “Heh, ‘bout time you-”

“Zoro-sama is the coolest and most badass nakama,” Nami suddenly interrupted, voice on autopilot. Her counterattack would only be effective if she cooperated at first.

Seven of the nine other Straw Hats looked at Nami with varying degrees of confusion, most of all Sanji.

“What the hell’s a ‘nakama?’” Luffy asked.

“I dunno, some word from back home; but I appreciate the compliment, Nami!” Zoro said with performative flattery.

Now this one would be a little harder to comply with. Nami held her breath, stalling as much as she could until Zoro cleared his throat. 

“M-Meow…” Nami murmured, trying her best to both sound like an actual cat and maintain her dignity.

“Uhh…” Franky began, at a loss for words.

Sanji leaned towards Nami with concern, “Hey, Nami…?”

“Meow,” she squeaked before adding, “Zoro-sama would beat Curly Brow in a fight even without the Wado Ichimonji, Sandai Kitetsu, and Enma, and the Three-Swords Style is way, way cooler than feet.”

Zoro leaned away from Nami, glowing at her words while Sanji looked ready to jump overboard.

“Nami, are you inebriated?” Chopper asked.

“Meow.” Okay, now she was looking up at Usopp and glaring daggers.

“Uh, well, now that we’re on the subject of Sanji,” Usop began, pulling a green packet out of his pocket. “I’ve been working on this herbal tea and would love to have your expert opinion, since you’re the greatest chef across the entire sea!”

Sanji perked back up, always glad to have his cooking complimented. “Sure thing, Usopp.”

“Zoro-sama has never gotten lost a day in his life, everybody just gives him unclear directions,” Nami declared. Even saying the words brought her physical pain.

Zoro-sama pointed at Nami, proud and boastful. “See, guys? Heard it straight from the navigator’s mouth.”

Meanwhile, Usopp emptied the contents of the green packet into Sanji’s glass of water and stirred it up. Following a sip, Sanji raised his curly brow and appeared impressed with what he was drinking.

“So, how’s it taste, Sanji?” Usopp asked.

Sanji opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out were hoarse gasps. He looked around in a panic, mouthing, “Can you guys hear me?” but with no accompanying sound. Usopp and Nami exchanged a look of silent triumph.

“Sanji, what happened? Did you lose your voice?!” Nami asked, playing concerned.

Again, no response from Sanji besides the motion of his mouth. Usopp’s smirk died when Sanji lunged over to him and unleashed a muted verbal assault. Nami, an expert lip reader courtesy of her thief days, could surmise that he was trying to say, “What the fuck did you do to my voice, you longnosed piece of shit?”

But hey, since no noise was coming out, Nami didn’t have to compliment Zoro. Upon side-eying the green-haired samurai, she witnessed possibly the only time outside of a battle that he showed any concern for Sanji.

“Sanji! Are you okay?!” Chopper asked.

“Oh my, it appears that Sanji really has lost his voice,” Brook commented. “I’m no longer the only one on the crew without a functioning voice box! Yohoho!”

Chopper poofed to his human form and restrained Sanji just enough to lead him out the kitchen and to the medical ward.

While the development left most of the crew with varying degrees of alarm, the captain was having a good laugh; he wasn’t even in on the shenanigans, it was just all hilarious to him. The sound of Luffy’s laughter was an aphrodisiac infecting Nami’s ears.

“Usopp, what the hell did you put in that tea?” Zoro demanded.

“I don’t know, it should have been fine!” Usopp replied, holding his head in a panic that only one person in the room knew was phony. “Aw, crap, I might’ve put the wrong plant in that one…!”

“Since when do you care what happens to Sanji, Zoro?” Franky teased.

“What…?!” Zoro squawked. “I don’t…I just…! Whatever…”

Nami tucked her head down and puckered her lip to contain her enjoyment as much as possible. She shifted her focus to fried rice on her plate, enjoying the meal free of the swordsman’s shadow.

“Aww, you do care about Sanji!” Usopp proclaimed, and Nami nearly choked on her food. That conman on her side was an absolute boon. “I knew all along you two were best friends!”

“You really wanna piss me off, Usopp?!” Zoro warned. Usopp squeaked and ducked in genuine fear.

However, Luffy, ever in the singing mood thanks to Nami, chimed in with his own expert analysis of the situation. “♫ Zoro and Sanji, sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-!”

“Fuck off, Luffy!” Zoro shouted, his face bright red and bedazzled in throbbing veins. All that did was make Luffy laugh harder, and now Nami could no longer hold it in. After forcing her rice down her gullet, she buried her head in the plate and laughed away.

As Nami wiped tears out of her eyes and lifted herself from her plate, she noticed Usopp looking less amused and more timid, gawking across the table. Nami turned to Zoro, who was looking across at him with his one eye narrowed. Nami prayed that oaf wasn’t exercising the one brain cell up there.

“Hey, Usopp,” Zoro stiffly called out. Nami locked her jaw and stared at her plate. The sniper yelped but gave him his attention. “I think I left one of my swords in your factory. Mind leading me there?”

Usopp swallowed an entire chicken drumstick whole and raised his hands. “Ah, Zoro, it can wait! We should enjoy the food!”

Zoro stood up. “Nah, I kinda wanna get it out of the way, now.” 

The growl in his voice left no uncertain terms of what awaited Usopp if he didn’t listen, so the sniper leaped to his feet and stumbled out the door, even going as far as holding it open for Zoro to follow him out.

“Well, this has certainly been one of the more unusual dinners,” Robin commented, turning towards the other female of the crew. “Wouldn’t you agree, NAMI?”

Rather than meow, Nami clawed her hand and swung it at Robin even though she was too far to strike.

Zoro returned, staring pointedly at Nami while Usopp cowered behind him, pale as a Brook. Zoro returned to his seat and rained his cocky gaze down on the cat burglar.

“Nice try, Nami,” he taunted. Nami responded with the meow of a cat trying to pass a hairball and pouted at Usopp. The plan was fun while it lasted…

Zoro cleared his throat and looked at Usopp expectantly.

“Hi Nami!” Usopp blurted out, sweat pooling his head as he kept his eyes on his plate. Nami slowly shook her head with disdain and even a little bit of pity for the wimpy turncoat.

Zoro was about to clear his throat again, but…

“You know it’s rude to leave Usopp hanging, navigator,” Robin chimed in. Nami gasped and pointed at her accusingly. The older woman’s smile only spread wider.

“Y’know you’ve been acting really weird, Nami,” Franky remarked. At least Nami could be assured he was oblivious.

Like he was the one with the hairball, Zoro cleared his throat again. Usopp pretended to cough while saying Nami’s name through it.

Nami thrust her elbows forward, squeezed the sides of her head, and shut  her eyes so she didn’t have to actually see anybody's reactions.

“Meow, meow, meow, MEOW!” Each one, she sounded progressively more like an actual cat.

“Heh, you’re funny today, Nami!” Luffy said through a chuckle.

Nami opened her eyes, glared at Luffy, and aggressively meowed at him, too.

One last time, Zoro purged the phlegm from his throat and drew it out as long as he could. He sounded like the lawnmower that Nami wanted to run over his stupid fucking green hair.

Usopp coughed her name multiple times in succession, each passing one spreading germs that traveled to her brain and converted themselves into sharp buzzes; lasers piercing through her grey matter.

“Ohhhh Namiiiii….” Zoro called, like a pet owner waiting for a trick.

Fuck it.

Nami slammed her fists on her plate hard enough to leave a crack.

“ALRIGHT!!!!!”

The remaining Straw Hats at the table were startled. Even Zoro flinched away. While she heard the sound of the door opening and footsteps coming through, they were the last thing on her mind. She balled her fists and stood up so that everyone could see her.

“I’M IN LOVE WITH LUFFY, OKAY?!”

Afterwards, she slammed herself back down on her seat with authority. “FUCK!” she added, blowing off some residual steam.

When Nami came back down, she realized it was Sanji that had arrived moments earlier. He looked despondent, his mouth tremoring, his arms dangling at his sides. He fell to his knees and wailed to the ceiling with tears…except all that came out was air.

The rest of the Straw Hats, save for Robin, weren’t screaming like Sanji, but their jaws were certainly sunken. Even Zoro.

Even Luffy.

It was at that moment that Nami realized exactly what she said and shrank into her seat.

“Nami…” Luffy muttered. “You love me…?”

She looked up at his focused, doughy-eyed gaze and turned away, hiding her face behind her hand. With her cheeks burning hot, Nami responded in the only way she was capable of.

“...meow?”

Luffy ignored that, instead saying...

“I love you, too.”

Nami whipped her head to face him again and felt her entire world cease to exist around her at the sight of his bright smile. If she had just been tearing up a little in her room, she was outright crying now, covering her mouth so nobody could see her blubbering.

“Y-You do…?”

“Duh! I always have,” Luffy replied like she was the stupidest person in the room. “Why else have I been bangin’ you these last few weeks?!”

Eight Straw Hats fell on their asses. Nami growled and stood up, marching to Luffy with her claws out with the intent of strangling him — but by the time she reached him, she could only wrap her arms around his neck and hug him with all of her might.

“Don’t say it like that!” she wailed with her head buried into his neck. Luffy laughed and strummed his fingers through her orange locks. When she finally pulled back to see his face in full view, she couldn’t stop giggling.

“You beautiful fucking lunatic,” she said with complete affection. She kissed him and he leaned all the way into it, though he didn’t last very long because soon he was giggling against her lips, too. Nami drew out a long breath and let her forehead sink to his, wiping off her eyes with his assistance.

She wasn’t the only one crying though, because Franky’s explosive tears were strong and loud enough to rip their eyes away from each other. Robin put her arm around the massive cyborg to give him a shoulder to cry into while Chopper clung to her face to get his tears out, too. Behind them Sanji was mouthing, “I’m so happy for you, even the shitty captain.”

And then there was Zoro, wearing the closest thing his facial muscles could allow as a smile. In spite of how they arrived at this point, she smiled back, genuinely, even knowing she was going to fucking carve the skin off his body and wear it like a coat later. Seemingly reading what was next on her mind, Zoro slid her plate down the table, so she sat on Luffy’s lap to resume eating.

“Nami, Luffy, I have no heart to be touched, but I feel the love you two have in my soul, which I definitely still have,” Brook crooned. “And I think I’m most relieved that Nami, you clearly weren’t planning on cutting off his little Straw Hat over that debt.”

Nami had absolutely no idea what the fuck he could’ve been alluding to, but Luffy laughed. “Yeah, well if she got rid of that her little cat burglar would be lonely!”

Oh, now Nami understood loud and clear. And so she squawked Luffy’s name at him and slapped him upside his head.

“Heh, my bad!” Luffy replied.

The dinner resumed like a regular Straw Hat dinner except with Nami whispering variations of “I love you, captain" to Luffy throughout. Once everyone was finished, Sanji, a shadow of his voice back, collected everyone’s empty plates and tossed them in the kitchen sink while the rest of the Straw Hats trickled out. Not that Luffy and Nami particularly noticed, because they were too enthralled in some combination of murmurs and light kisses.

However…

“AHT!” Nami commanded in her most threatening shout.

Zoro, halfway to the door, turned around and took a seat at the table.

“You too, dicknose!”

Usopp moonwalked into the dining room and a seat next to Zoro. “Heh heh, I was just making sure your observational skills were still good, Nami!”

“Oooooooh, y’all in troublllllleeeeeee…” Luffy egged on.

Zoro crossed his arms firm to his chest, not even bothering to look Nami in the eye. Usopp put on his pitiful negotiation face.

“Nami, I would like to remind you that I started on your side…” Usopp muttered.

“And you folded like your nose in a revolving door,” Nami quipped.

Zoro snorted a laugh, and in response Nami pointed at him and shouted, “Don’t suck up, mosshead!”

From the kitchen, Sanji hoarsely laughed behind her.

“W-Well I mean, look at it this way: this whole ordeal was exactly what you needed to finally open your heart and upgrade this from a booty call to a real relationship!” Usopp waved his hands to try emphasizing his point. “Zoro and I were your best shippers!”

Nami’s murderous glare sweetened into a saccharine smile that actually just made Usopp and even Zoro tense up and cower away from her. 

“You’re right, Usopp!" she beamed at a gleeful pitch that made him and Zoro flinch. “You two really came through! Just for that, my service fee for helping you out with Kaya will only be 500,000 berries!”

"H-Heh, very reasonable. Thank you!"

"In fact, I was gonna have a nice, big party to celebrate me and Luffy’s union, and you two are invited!”

“Yaaaaaaaay,” Usopp drawled through clattering, clenched teeth.

The disturbing open-mouthed grin spread to the ends of her face. “Heck, the party’s going on right now! Right here, in this very kitchen. And now that you’re here, it’s only fair that I inform you that all guests are required to provide a mandatory gift! And do you want to know the gift policy?”

“U-Uh…sure…” Usopp murmured.

“Do you want to know, Zoro?”

“Yes,” Zoro mumbled almost inaudibly.

Nami leaned forward, eyes sparkling like she was on the precipice of dropping the happiest news of the century.

“Monetary gifts only!”

Usopp kept trying to laugh. “Ya don’t say!”

“Failure to produce gifts will incur an interest rate of 300%!” Usopp and even Zoro’s eyes bulged in terror. “And if your hair is green, well you’re especially lucky. And do you know why that is, Zorry-poo?!”

“Wh-Why…?”

Nami hopped off Luffy’s lap and spread her arms wide. 

“Because you get my never-before-seen 600% interest!”

Luffy whistled while Zoro crumbled in his chair.

Nami stalked towards Zoro and bent down with her hands on her knees to reach him at eye level. She leaned forward until she was so close to Zoro’s face that even he shivered. And that sickening simper never left her face.

“I’m really glad you could make it,” she said in a raspy, serpent-like hiss.

And then she started laughing. Loud, tortuous, manic cackles, growing in volume until Zoro and Usopp had no choice but to join in on the “fun” even though their eyes screamed that they were in desperate need of rescue. Hell, even Luffy laughed!

The moment her laughter reached its peak, her face crumpled into a hollow-eyed glare of hatred.

“Now get the fuck out of my sight,” she warned in a voice nearly as deep as Zoro’s.

The sniper and swordsman damn near teleported out of the room.

Nami let her gaze linger and her breath settle, and turned around. Her eyes ballooned in shock when she saw the kitchen. The walls and cabinets were coated with blood. To her 9 o'clock, she found the cause: Sanji laying against the oven, limbs splayed, a thick stream of blood running from his nostrils to his waistline, his mouth hanging open with pure, perverted bliss.

“Oof…lemme call Chopper,” Nami remarked.

“Scary Nami’s HOT!” Luffy cheered.

Nami pulled Luffy up by his collar and greedily kissed him, leaving him no respite against the force of her tongue and bit his bottom lip upon withdrawal, chocolate eyes locked in on his. She left Luffy in an awe-struck leer of a daze.

“You’re goddamn right.”

“You had to have been aware that Zoro was making me do all that weird shit at dinner, right?”

Luffy and Nami were chilling on the couch near her survey desk an hour after dinner, navigator clinging to the captain’s neck.

“Nah, I just figured you musta smoked some of Usopp’s weed,” Luffy replied.

Nami hopped away from Luffy and stood in the middle of the room stunned. “Excuse me? Usopp grows weed?! Since when?!”

“Since always!”

“Do you smoke it?!”

“Yeah! Me, him, and Robin! We don't really do it on the ship, though.”

Nami closed her eyes and shook her head. That somehow made complete sense.

“So you guys have been holdin' out on me all this time, huh?!” Nami planted her hands on her hips, though she was barely serious.

“You like weed, too?” Luffy asked with a skeptical grin.

“Yes! I gotta have my sticky-icky.” She could barely even finish the sentence without laughing. She pulled Luffy up and tapped each of her hands on each of his shoulders. “Alright, Robin said she’s on watch tonight, so my room is free.” Her hands traveled to the back of his neck and pulled Luffy towards her just before their faces met. “You gonna wait there for me, captain?”

Luffy raised his hand in a mock salute. “Aye-aye!”

After one last kiss on the cheek, Luffy rushed away. Nami flopped into her chair, letting out a sigh of delight and only barely interested in the incomplete map laying on the table. She was just glad she and Luffy didn’t need to sneak around anymore — though she did find it kinda hot — and that she could fully commit to loving him out in the open, consequences be damned. She straightened herself out, motivated to put the finishing touches so Luffy wouldn’t have to wait too long.

Nami was just in the middle of thickening the lines of a mountain ridge when that godforsaken bell went off behind her.

“That better be a payment notification!” she said facetiously as she spun around and found a tall, mossheaded swordsman standing in the doorway.

“Thought you might want this,” Zoro said as he tossed the bell at Nami, who effortlessly caught it. “So you could smash it, toss it away, I dunno.”

“This is gold, muthafucka!” she scoffed in an exaggerated squeaky pitch, quite evidently in as silly and loose a mood as she’d ever been in. “I’m selling it. If I’m in a good mood tomorrow I might even knock it off your tab.”

“Really?”

“Nope,” she snorted like it was the most ridiculous question she’d ever heard, though she knew Zoro hadn’t actually been serious. Zoro remained in the doorway as she spun the bell in her hand.

“Y’know, when Luffy was giving you a hard time about the Sanji thing, you could’ve easily spilled the beans about me and him to throw it back in his face,” Nami mused. She looked up with gratitude. “But you didn’t.”

Zoro shrugged. “I was never gonna actually say it.”

“I know.” There was zero reason to ever doubt the conviction in the man’s voice.

“Just had to poke the bear and have some fun for once, I guess,” he sighed, leaning against the door frame.

“Good.”

Nami observed Zoro as he stared at the wooden floor, his one eye locked tight with focus. The swordsman couldn’t be less of a heart-to-heart kind of guy, but Nami knew he was at least trying. It seemed like just yesterday she was watching him haul Luffy in the cage she’d gotten him stuck in and ignoring the stab wound in his abdomen; the first act to make her question her prejudice about pirates. 

Zoro finally looked up. “You’re happy, right?”

“More than I've ever been.” Nami meant every word.

“Good.”

Zoro spun on his heel and began walking away.

“Pirate Hunter!” Nami shouted in command.

He turned around and was greeted with the sight of a middle finger from the smirking Cat Burglar. Zoro bore his teeth, smiled, and flipped the bird right back at her.