Chapter Text
This was not how I intended my class to go today. I had been expecting a nice, simple lecture about relativity and time dilation - a particular point of interest for Eridians since there had been no concept of it until I showed up - but nope! Instead, I was being asked questions about Earth and how I went into space.
I thought I'd be okay to talk about it. After nearly 10 years of being awake and dealing with it, I thought I'd be fine, that I had come to terms with being shot into space unconscious and against my will.
I wasn't though. I was so far from being okay with what happened to me still.
"Mr. Grace," one of my students, Aron, chirped softly, snapping me out of my head, focusing my attention - what was left of it - back on my students. "Are you okay, question?" They asked softly, moving towards the pane of xenonite that separated us from each other.
"Y-Yeah," I managed to stutter out. Come on, Grace. Get it together. "All good," I lied, throwing up a thumbs up to them.
I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, like I had run a marathon in a matter of seconds. My head was underwater and I couldn't focus - I was falling apart in front of everyone. I couldn't breakdown in front of them, I refused to make them deal with me like that. I was their teacher for the love of god, I had to pull myself together.
"So, uh… what was the question?" I asked, trying to get myself back on track. I couldn't even remember what we had been talking about. What were we talking about again?
"How did you get into space, question?" One of the larger Eridian students, Rocco, repeated from the back.
"Right," I muttered, fidgeting with my hand, picking at the skin of my fingers and bitting my lips raw - a pair of soothing behaviors that never really left me from childhood, leaving scars on my body each and every year.
"So," I began, trying to get my act together. I could answer this question, then I could end class. Easy enough - I could handle this. "I, uh… I was sent into space from Earth… as you all already know."
Come on. Get it together, Ryland. Just answer the damn question.
"Um… I didn't want to go into space originally," I told them truthfully, unable to control what came out of my mouth right now, just wanting this whole conversation to be done and over with, to just sit in my house and dissociate for the next couple hours or so. "Earth needed me though, so the person in charge of the project, Stratt… she, uh, she sent me into space," I explained, wiping a tear from my eye, but I couldn't stop myself now - I was too deep in to even attempt to drag myself out of the quicksand of my mind right now.
"I… I tried to fight her and everyone else that wanted to send me up, but they… I wasn't fast enough. They-they got me and, uh, put me to sleep," I explained, not noticing how quiet the room had gotten. "When I woke up, I was in space. That's how I got there," I concluded, my chest tightly wound as I struggled to breathe.
"Grace… Grace no able to wake, question?" Iggy asked, gently tapping on the xenonite in front of me, eye level with myself. When had I sat down? When had I come over here?
"No," I shook my head, my voice and body shaking as I continued. "They… there's a thing called a coma on Earth, a long sleep where humans can't wake up, kind of like when you guys sleep. I… I couldn't do anything to wake up."
The room fell completely silent except for the sounds of my gasping sobs and labored breathing. God, I felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't-
"Class over!" A voice boomed from behind me, but I was too far gone to even register who it was or what they were saying. The words went in one ear and out the other. "Go home now!"
My eyes glazed over, watching all of the pebbles skittering out of the room, leaving me and the voice behind me alone, but I couldn't focus. I could barely breathe right now.
"Grace," a small voice, the same one from earlier, spoke softly, moving themself in front of me. "Look at Rocky."
I tried so hard to focus on him - on my beacon in this all consuming darkness that I was being dragged down into, but I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't.
"Is okay, Grace," he hummed a soft symphony as he pressed himself against me, never touching me, letting me grip onto his carapace like a raft as I sobbed. "Rocky here. Just breathe, please."
I don't know how long we sat there, my body wrapped around him as he trilled softly in rhythm with a normal breathing pattern. It could have been hours, days, weeks, heck, maybe even a year - I didn't know anymore, but he didn't leave my side. Rocky stayed as a solid constant for me to ground with.
He'd seen me like this before, but it had been ages since I'd broken down this bad, unable to even ask for help or stop myself from vomiting out any word that entered my mind.
Slowly, my heart and breathing evened out, leaving me exhausted, like all energy had been sapped out of my being, leaving just a weak and tired space blob behind.
"Grace okay now, question?" He spoke softly, running a hand though my hair now that I was calm, now that I wouldn't freak at the hint of being touched.
He knew better than to try to touch me when I got like this, especially along my head and back. It brought back too many memories of being pushed into the ground, forced against that cold dirt, the blue sky above me. My final moments on Earth captured by nothing but pain and fear and-
"Grace. Stay with Rocky. Stay."
His melancholy symphony drew me back in, forcing my mind away from those thoughts. Staying present was hard, even now, but he helped. I knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to me - I could trust him to keep me safe.
"Go back home, question? Grace need rest."
My voice was failing me now. I knew better than to try and force it right now. Nothing would come out, no matter how hard I tried right now.
"Is okay. No need talk, Grace. Rocky know what Grace want say."
I hated it. I couldn't speak then and I couldn't speak now, but at the very least, Rocky understood me and what I needed to say - making sure my needs were met, even when I couldn't vocalize them.
Gripping his claw in my hand, we stumbled back to my house across the beach. He spoke the whole way there, filling the silence of my head with a comforting sound, keeping me from sliding back into my own head and forcing me into a state not even he could draw me back from.
Gently, Rocky pushed the door open, being careful not to make any loud noises as he shut it behind him and led me over to the couch, still in a daze and unaware of basically everything.
"Armando," Rocky chirped softly, following the usual routine for this kind of thing, "put on Grace calm music."
Songs that comforted me on Earth, slow and familiar, played softly though the house, speakers built in to it per Rocky's adamant requests, as he prompted me to pull off my outer wear - my jacket and shoes and the like - as he pulled my lucky blanket off of the bed, wrapping it around me before sitting at my side.
The music played calmly as Rocky sat beside me, staying quiet and not pressuring me to do anything other than exist in the moment. I tried so hard to stay present, picking at the skin around my nails to keep myself tethered.
"No, Grace," Rocky said gently, pulling my hands away from each other with the care that someone would put into picking up a work of glass art. "Use blanket," he redirected, keeping one hand held in his claws for good measure.
So, I rubbed the fabric of the blanket between my fingers as I rocked slightly, wearing though the blanket no doubt, but it was better than picking at my skin, biting my lips, or scratching until I bled.
I didn't know where I'd be without Rocky here: to calm me, to redirect my behaviors, to keep me from falling apart at a moments notice. He had been my rock through all of this, every single time, keeping me stable when I needed it the most.
I looked over at him, pulling my hand away from the blanket for a moment and placing my fingers on my chin, then moving them towards him. A simple 'thank you', even though he deserved so much more than that from me for all he did.
I placed my hand on my chest in a fist next, rubbing it in a circle, barely able to look at him now. He deserved more than a sorry for dealing with me and my stupid, anxiety riddled brain.
"Is no problem," Rocky comforted. "Grace no need say sorry. Rocky here for Grace, always. Rocky love Grace," he said, pushing against me slightly, letting me wrap around his warm body until sleep took me, relaxed in his presence, knowing that I was safe no matter what with him here.
~~~
Slowly, as the week progressed, I was able to speak again. Small things at first, like Rocky's name, and then full sentences as my body shifted out of its fight-or-flight mode and back into regular anxiety. This meant that classes could start again, as well as all of the meetings that the Eridian parents had scheduled.
The main complain was something about 'telling the students untrue stories', likely issues with the relativity and time dilation since Eridians still struggled with the concept. It wouldn't be the first time I'd needed to have meetings because what I taught wasn't well known or even discovered on Erid.
Rocky promised to come with me, not really giving me a choice in the matter since the translator didn't always work properly and in case I needed the extra support after the week. He told me that it wasn't babysitting, just to think of it like he was extra support if I needed it. He had no clue how much that meant to me.
All of the complaints had been about the same thing, so we decided to do a big group meeting in the classroom so that we got everyone in and out as soon as we could. It was just easier to do it that way and the parents were more partial to the thrum-like nature of it anyway.
"H-hello," I stuttered out, giving all of the Eridians a small wave, anxiety rising already with the sheer number of them.
Rocky, always the observant protector, ensured to stay pressed right against my leg - a comfort and a reminder that I wasn't alone in this.
"So, what is everyone's concern, question?" I asked softly, my voice echoing around the room. "Is this about time dilation, question? I promise, that's a real thing."
"No," a gruff Eridian answered. "It about horror story you tell children before sending home. No need tales of moving while sleep, like send in space. Scare pebbles and make sleep difficult now."
"Yes," another one agreed, taking off right after them. "Teach job, no tell stories to scare pebbles. Truth only," they demanded and I realized what they were talking about.
"Are… Are you talking about how I got into space, question?" I clarified, which was met with chitters of agreement.
"Yes yes yes," a smaller Eridian agreed. "No need horror stories."
Oh god, I thought to myself. They don't know that that's what happened to me. They think I told a story to their kids instead of the truth.
"I…I…" I tried to speak, but found myself failing. I still couldn't talk about it without difficulty, even when it was necessary.
"Is not story," Rocky spoke, silencing the chatter of the other Eridians. "Is true! Earth make Grace take long sleep and send away. Grace no want go, Earth make Grace go anyway," he explained while I stayed silent. He would explain this better than I ever could to them - he'd told me so many times how what happened to me terrified him.
The Eridian parents stayed silent once Rocky concluded and I did as well, letting them process the information of what had happened to me, what my own planet had done to me.
"Long sleep is real for human, question?" One asked hesitantly.
"Yes, it's called a coma," I explained. "Basically, they make a human sleep, leaving us unable to move or wake up. It's like Eridian sleep, but there was nobody to keep me safe."
"Earth bad," One muttered in the back.
"No," I disagreed. "Earth isn't bad. They just did what they had to do and I was old enough anyway, I should have just been brave enough to go without them forcing me."
"How… How old Grace when sent, question?" One questioned, tapping their claws together.
"I was 40 years old."
Sounds of gasps filled the room. I was a child, even now, by their standards. Earth had sent a child into space to die. I didn't want to know what they were thinking at that moment.
"Why, question?"
"Because Earth would have died if they didn't," I told them. "They didn't have a choice."
"Always have choice," Rocky argued with me. "No need send friend Grace away if Grace no want go. Is wrong. Is bad of Earth to send Grace into stars."
"They did what they had to."
"No need do it!" Rocky shot back as all of the Eridians were silent, letting this play out in front of them like some soap opera or play. "Grace should never do what Grace no want do. Rocky make sure no happen again. Rocky make sure Grace only do what Grace want."
"I… I appreciate it, buddy," I told him quietly, giving his carapace a gentle rub of affection. "But we can't change the past. Heck, I wouldn't change it either because it means I got to meet you. That's more than worth it."
"Is not," Rocky responded softly. "Rocky not worth Grace pain."
"Well," I began, kneeling down in front of him. "Then it's a good thing you don't get to make that decision. I do and I say it was worth it because I got to meet you and I got to help you save Erid and I got to do what I love every single day with my best friend beside me at the end of the day. I may still struggle with what happened," I admitted, "but I wouldn't change a single damn thing. You are worth every bit of the horror story I went through, Rocky."