Chapter Text
“Welcome, welcome!” Fabian says to the camera. “Welcome to the first series of Taskmaster!” Cheering and applause erupt from the live audience. “Five adventurers will brave the tasks to win a statue of my glorious head. So, without further ado, let’s meet our contestants!” Fabian smiles while gesturing to the left-most contestant. “Please welcome Adaine Abernant!” Adaine gives a little wave to the camera and the audience full of her peers. “Figueroth Faeth!” Fig throws up a peace sign. “Gorgug Thistlespring!” Gorgug gives a shy little wave. “Kristen Applebees!” Kristen salutes the camera. “And Ragh Barkrock!” Ragh smiles wide and looks around at his fellow contestants. “And next to me, is a man often confused for the equipment on a bloodrush field. It’s The Ball!”
“Hello, everyone, thank you!” Riz says, addressing the contestants and the audience. He turns to Fabian and says, “You really couldn’t start this bit until after the first episode, Fabian?”
“Not a chance, The Ball. Not a chance,” Fabian says, patting Riz’s leg. “What’s the first prize task, Riz?”
“The contestants were asked to bring in the best object to bestow in your will to a relative against whom you are seeking revenge.”
“Alright, let’s start with Fig. Fig, what object did you bring in today?” Fabian asks, directing the question to his sister.
“Well Fabian, I actually brought something in for you,” Fig says, gesturing towards the big screen adjacent to where they’re all sitting. The screen changes to show a sword. “I’ve brought in a sword that only harms its wielder. Emotionally, of course.”
“You’ve brought in a sword that insults the person using it?” Fabian asks.
“That’s exactly what she did. Why are you seeking revenge on Fabian, though?” Riz asks.
“He didn’t RSVP for our parents’ wedding,” Fig answers, shrugging.
“Alright, I’m taking this as a slight against me, which it is, and that will be reflected in the points,” Fabian says, writing something down on his note cards before looking at Ragh. “Ragh, what object did you bring in for us today?”
“I brought in a hat that when left alone with another hat, will uncontrollably reproduce and make hat babies. This is meant for Gorgug,” Ragh says, looking up at the screen to see the freakishly tall cowboy hat.
“And why are you seeking revenge on Gorgug?” Fabian asks.
“Yeah, why are you seeking revenge on Gorgug?” Gorgug accusatorily asks Ragh, turning his head to stare at his friend next to him.
“Dude, when we were playing Kiss, Marry, Kill at our monthly sleepover with the whole crew you said that you’d rather marry Kristen than me!” Ragh exclaims.
“I said that because I could platonic marry her, but I don’t want to kiss her. Would you rather I kill you and kiss Porter Cliffbreaker?”
“I don’t know, maybe!” Ragh says.
“Okay, okay. Let’s move on from the reproducing cowboy hat, and the fact that we said relative,” Riz interjects.
“Adaine, what object did you bring in for us today?” Fabian asks.
The screen changes to show an unassuming cardboard box. “This box may look boring, but it casts Ray of Sickness on whoever opens it. This was designed by me to give to my sister for her birthday,” Adaine says, smiling.
“Makes sense. Next!” Fabian says, knowing enough about Adaine and her sister already. “Kristen, what object did you bring in for us today?”
“I brought in a framed photo of myself,” Kristen says, before turning towards the screen. The photo shows her flipping off the camera and smiling. “It’s meant for Fig, by the way.”
“I love it,” Fig says. “It’s because of the cheesecake, isn’t it?” Kristen just nods. “I ate the last piece of cheesecake last week,” Fig says, explaining to the audience.
“Alright, next!” Fabian says, writing down something on his note cards and shaking his head. “Gorgug, what did you bring in for us?”
“I brought in, specifically for Kristen, shoes that increase your speed while squeaking incredibly loudly,” Gorgug replies. “They’re helpful but annoying, just like her.”
“Surprisingly heartfelt, for a task involving revenge,” Riz whispers. Louder, he says, “Fabian, how would you like to score these objects?”
“Alright, one point to Kristen for the photo of herself, and you’ll thank me for it,” Fabian announces. “Two points to Adaine for the box that casts magic, that’s not special for the show, you would do that anyway. Three points to Gorgug for the squeaky but fast shoes. Four to Ragh for the reproducing hat. Which means, five points to Fig for the sword that inflicts emotional damage!”